I wanna be... (the April Edition)

a surfer that rides exclusively on Conan O'Brien's hair waves, the only white person in the newest black ensemble comedy centered around a neighborhood establishment (The Wash, Barbershop, Beautyshop, etc.), eaten by Graboids like 3 Ninja's Grandpa in Tremors, such a bad actor that I lose the best actor Oscar at the Academy Awards 5 years in a row to Keanu Reeves, Vin Diesel, every rapper/actor (DMX, LL Cool J, Ice Cube) all of the Baldwin Brothers and my Nicholas Cage/John Kerry/Mr. ED/Tom Brokaw/Jimmy Stewart impression, an inspiration to someone else, able to rearrange my face like Mr. Potato Head, allowed to write, direct and star in my own movie and cast Natalie Portman as my love interest so that I could make out with her, the leader of McDonaldland like Mayor McCheese, able to leap giant buildings in a single bound, in an Octopuss's garden with you, wanted dead or alive, one of the Hungry Hungry Hippos, the first mate on a pirate ship, the next contestant on The Price is Right, the cure for sadness, one bad mutha...shut yo' mouth, Chris Farley's stunt double, an astronaut when I grow up, a Toys-R-Us kid, a ga-zillionaire so I can swim in my money like Uncle $crooge, a video so that I can kill the radio star, someone's guardian angel like Clarence and guide that person into earning me my wings, a rock star in an 80's cover band, in a world of pure imagination, left alone with my average wife but why do I always feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, clever enough to come up with a zany catch phrase that everyone repeats, able to come up with some new things that I wanna be next month...

(to be continued)

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Oh so HOT HOT HOT!!!

So the last few days it has been uncharacteristically warm here in Milwaukee Wisconsin. I even live by the lake (Michigan) and it is still sweltering, even at night as I try and prepare for sleep. I laugh when I go to weather.com and look up the temperature - "74 degrees F, feels like 74 degrees F." Damn right it feels like 74! I could've told you that by sitting inside of my apartment, at the computer, sweating bullets and shooting them far far away from here. I've already drank about 64 ounces of ice water, and planning on 32 more before I try and pass out. When it gets hot like this in Milwaukee, it gets muggy and humid. Sleeping in this weather is nearly impossible. You just kind of lay there only on the sheets and hope that it cools off enough so you don't feel like you just got out of the shower, which doesn't sound like a bad idea right about now. So instead, I'm here, typing away, imagining being in an igloo instead of my hot apartment. Brrrrrrrrr......Maybe if I think cold, and I'll be cold. Try out one of those old mind over matter trickeries that can get people quicker than if you open your eyes in Marco Polo. Did Marco Polo really exist? Was there a guy named that, and if so, why did they call his name so much that it became a call and response pool game. Why do you play it in a pool anyway? Was it because Mr. Polo liked the sea as a child? Would his mother would yell "MARCO!!" and he would run in from the surf shouting "POLO!!" and then she would scold him for being in the sea without a flotation device or a swim buddy. I really don't know what Marco Polo has to do with the hot weather, but he had to be cool enough to get a pool game named after him.

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The witching hour

which for me now occurs at around 1:00 am every night. Now, some people might have different definitions or thoughts on what exactly the witching hour is, but to me, it means the time that I go to bed. I feel so old these days because as time passes, I find it increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open past midnight, but I struggle to stay awake at least until 1:00 am just so I don't go to bed on the same day that I woke up. I remember the good ol' days when I could pull an all-nighter and still function well the next day. Then I needed only 4 hours of sleep to operate on full steam. Now I need 8 hours of quality sleep just so I don't bite someone's head off at work. What happened to me? Did I finally grow up, much as I feared that I would when I was younger? Does that mean that I finally have to become an astronaut, a police man, or a baseball player? Does this mean that I am not a Toys-R-Us kid anymore because I didn't follow the instructions in the song? Whatever it means, I need to go to bed, because 9:00 am is waiting patiently at the end of my bed, ready to pounce on me in the morning...

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Learning a lesson

You know, it's funny when you learn a lesson in life. Sometimes, something happens and you learn from it. It does indeed sound like a generalized comment, kind of like those old time sayings you've heard since you were younger, such as "a picture is worth a thousand words" or "a penny saved is a penny earned." We've all heard things like this, but I do not intend to bore you with generalized comments. But I just needed to mention that I learned something about myself tonight, and was pretty much on my worst behavior in front of my friends. We as people spend so much time developing this fake image of something that we are not because we are too afraid to let our true colors shine forth. Well, ladies and gentlemen, my true colors shone, and they were black as the day before God created light. You could never fully understand that a person like me, with so many talents and good fortunes in life, could have such a negative self image and attitude, so much that it causes oneself to break down and quit. There's not much worse in life then letting someone down or truly hurting someone's feelings. It's just like when you loose someone's trust. Over time, it can be regained, although not fully. People's eyes have been opened about who I really am, and I certainly believe that I have changed somebody's opinion. I know, you're telling to stop skirting round the issue by talking about it in psychological terms or something. So here's what happened...

As many of you might or might not know, I play a drinking game known as Beer Pong and am involved in a league at a friend's house. We play on a regular basis, and it is quite structured. Most of the people who play are friends and co-workers, which is why this incident, unlike what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, this my friends, will not. My partner and I faced some tough competition in the 2nd round of the playoffs, and I quit. I sat back, put my hands in my pockets and refrained from playing the game. I gave up and let myself down. Worst part though, is that I let my partner Chris down. Everyone else there (my friends and co-workers) saw a side of me that decides that life is not worth living and that there is no point to even trying. I feel bad for myself, because after all is said and done, and I have moved on with my life, and I never see any of these people again, I have to l;live with the fact that I am a loser. There is no nice way to put it because I don;t let myself try to come up with a solution to this problem. To make matters worse, I hurt the person that I care for the most, and no offense to anyone else reading this, but I once again hurt my sister Jenny. All she has ever done to me in life is idolize me and try and make me feel like I am a good enough person to be around. If anything, I at least owe her some freaking respect. There's way too many times when I regretfully let her down, and it is something that neither one of us should have to live with. If there's anything I could ever do to prove to her that I am indeed the person that she thinks and knows I am, I would do it just so that she could be right when she tells me that I am in fact a good person. In stories there's a hero and a villain, and in mine, I'm both. For every good thing I do, I counteract it with a bad thing, which is why I never come out as good or bad, I just come out as confusing. Something needs to be done to get me on the right track.

I'm sorry that you had to read this, I'm not one to bear my emotions and to let my feelings out, but this was something that I just couldn't keep to myself. Now you might know that I like to joke around and I'm not a very serious person, but I think that I can finally say that I need some help. If you can think of something that might be beneficial for me, please let me know. I'm cashing in all of my favor chips here because I need to get my life back on track. I remember the days when everything seemed so simple. To be there again would mean worlds to me. Well, that's it for me, toss me a line at pookon@hotmail.com or AOL IM me at pookondotcom if you have something to say. I promise I'll listen, cause that's what I need to do for now.

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