For 6 long months I have been awaiting the Rapture. Now to be quite honest with you I wasn't aware of the last Rapture that didn't happen on May 21st because I was too busy being sad and trying to put my fucking life back together. See since April 24th my life has not been the same. Well that's putting it lightly. To be quite honest with you it's been a personal hell. I lost my best friend and the person I cared most about in the entire world and there is no sign that anything is ever going to get better. I can't get a new best friend. It's not like I can open up a fucking drawer in the locker room and shout out, "Hey bitch wake up! You're my new best friend!" It doesn't work that way. Despite my knowledge of everything in this world coming from shit I learned in the movies, it just doesn't work that way. I spent 24 years of my life forming a bond that could only end in death and that's what it took to tear us apart. It's bullshit. Things weren't supposed to be that way. It's not fair. And it doesn't make an ounce of sense. So bring on the Rapture.
In Theology the Rapture is defined as the experience, anticipated by some fundamentalist Christians, of meeting Christ midway in the air upon his return to Earth. The actual definition is ecstatic joy or delight. Most people know it as the End of Days and the 2nd coming of Christ, in which he promised to return to Earth and take all of his children to heaven and raise the dead from their graves. The World as we know it shall cease to exist and those that are among the chosen shall live forever in Heaven with God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost for all of eternity.
"And then shall He send His angels, and shall gather together His elect from the four winds, from the uttermost part of the earth to the uttermost part of heaven." Mark 13: 24-27
Life has it's moments and we should definitely celebrate all of them, but nothing is as great as the moment where Jesus calls us back home. Who doesn't want to return to the maker? Even though we choose our own paths during life, it was He who gave us the tools. the talent and the know-how to use all of that for the greater good. We owe everything that we are to God and therefore we must do what he asks of us. I have long since said that I am an Instrument of God. But I never really have known exactly what that means. It is when God uses a person to achieve a result. I don't know what I am supposed to be doing here and I don't know why I am doing it, but not all instruments are played the same way. In what limited time I have left on this Earth I will do what He asks of me, no matter how much I don't understand it.
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and I may not have lived my life according to God's word and scripture, but I am a good person. I can't promise to be that way on a daily basis but deep down inside I am a pure soul. Kind and generous, slow to anger, rich in spirit and eager to help the needy. Every act I do I do with his blessing behind me, which is why I don't stop to think before carrying on with my day to day activities. Not all of this makes sense, and I am just doing what I am told. In the end it will all come together in some glorious epiphany that will bring about real change and Revolution in this world, and not just the bullshit one that we raise our fist in the air because Uncle Greg told us to. I'm here for real and I'm here for a reason.
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and I may not have lived my life according to God's word and scripture, but I am a good person. I can't promise to be that way on a daily basis but deep down inside I am a pure soul. Kind and generous, slow to anger, rich in spirit and eager to help the needy. Every act I do I do with his blessing behind me, which is why I don't stop to think before carrying on with my day to day activities. Not all of this makes sense, and I am just doing what I am told. In the end it will all come together in some glorious epiphany that will bring about real change and Revolution in this world, and not just the bullshit one that we raise our fist in the air because Uncle Greg told us to. I'm here for real and I'm here for a reason.
“I can tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not rise to meet him ahead of those who are in their graves. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the call of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, all the Christians who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air and remain with him forever. So comfort and encourage each other with these words.” 1 Thessalonians 4:15-18
The whole reason that I wanted the Rapture to happen on October 21, 2011 because I want to die, but not by my own accord. I can't die by my own hand because that's no way to go. If an otherworldly force (like Jesus Christ coming to take the souls of the chosen) washes upon us then we have no choice. There is nothing humanity can do to stop the end of the world so we might as well just accept it. I'm on that train of thinking so don't get all worried like I'm going to kill myself or some stupid shit like that. I do want to die but for one reason and one reason only - I want to see my brother again. I miss him so much more every day since he has been gone and these last 6 months have been the worst of my life. I may never understand why he left us so soon but I hope by the time Jesus really calls my name I will understand why I'm still here and he isn't. There has to be a reason for all of this because if there isn't then life is just fucking bullshit. The only reason that I still believe in God is because there is no way he would leave me here to go through all of this pain and suffering if there wasn't some grand reward waiting for me in the end.
October 21st isn't the Rapture, despite what some old dude says. The Rapture may happen but it also might not. But I will spend the rest of my life believing that someday I will be reunited with Timmy who was and always will be my inspiration for all that I do. A lot of things have changed since he has gone, but I am doing my best to hang on to all of the good times we had in 24 short years. June's Blanket, Godsplash, Movie Night, our inside jokes and laughs, watching you play guitar and drums and thousands of "Yeah Timmy!" moments and how much I wish that I could be you. And you always wished that you could be me. I never got the chance to teach you to love and be happy with the person that you are and never try to be someone else. The reason you were the greatest is because there was only one of you and there will always only be one of you in this world. And even though physically you have moved on to be with God and be at peace, the rest of us are left here dealing with the pain of living without you.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
God is my rock. He stands true and just even when I can not. And
although I may not go to church more than 2 times a year or say my nightly
prayers, he listens to me even when I'm not speaking. He reads my thoughts and
always reassures me that everything is going to be OK. And I know that he is
jamming out to a live version of The Cosmic Dance. Because everyone can play a
tune (God too), it's just part of the cosmic dance.And who better to lead the
dance than the craziest dancer of them all - Timmy the Kid.
Timmy and I once dropped our pants in front of a sign that "Heaven is real, so is Hell. Jesus is the answer, time will tell." Read into that all you want but take away this one thing - time is the only thing that can heal all wounds. In time I will be reunited with the greatest person I have ever known. Someday June's Blanket will make more beautiful music. Someday I will proudly shout "Yeah Timmy!" Someday I will cry no more tears. Someday I will understand the meaning of this life. But that time is not now. Right now this Rapture thing is bullshit and life is what you make of it. And I'm going to make mine amazing. That's what Timmy would have wanted me to do. He always wanted me to be amazing. And although I may fall a little short, I will never stop trying. In the end I don't really have to be doubly great for the both of us. You were plenty great on your own. But I will promise to be great for myself. Hopefully even doubly great. And I will. I promise that to you brother.
Timmy and I once dropped our pants in front of a sign that "Heaven is real, so is Hell. Jesus is the answer, time will tell." Read into that all you want but take away this one thing - time is the only thing that can heal all wounds. In time I will be reunited with the greatest person I have ever known. Someday June's Blanket will make more beautiful music. Someday I will proudly shout "Yeah Timmy!" Someday I will cry no more tears. Someday I will understand the meaning of this life. But that time is not now. Right now this Rapture thing is bullshit and life is what you make of it. And I'm going to make mine amazing. That's what Timmy would have wanted me to do. He always wanted me to be amazing. And although I may fall a little short, I will never stop trying. In the end I don't really have to be doubly great for the both of us. You were plenty great on your own. But I will promise to be great for myself. Hopefully even doubly great. And I will. I promise that to you brother.
- pookon -
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
