in the driver's seat (literally and figuratively), posthumously honored by having a memorial freeway named after me, a roadie for the Electric Mayhem, a real boy, Evel Knievel's stunt double, an inmate at Alcatraz, back in the U.S.S.R., the Jack of Diamonds, a constellation in the sky, bulimic so that I can read minds (see the movie Zoolander), good at gambling so that I don't lose lots of money in Las Vegas, a painter for the Golden Gate Bridge, like Scooter and have no eyes underneath my glasses, a world-class chef and have my own chain of 5-star themed restaurants, metal on the inside like the Terminator, a deep sea diver searching for buried treasure, stackable like Tetris pieces, Chewbacca, able to trust the Midas touch, Canadian money so that I have no real value in the world outside of Canada, on the log ride at Great America right now, Danny Tanner's co-host on 'Wake Up San Francisco', a successful comedian so that I can use material from my stand-up act as a basis for an ABC primetime sitcom, water soluble, the owner/operator of a neighborhood lemonade stand, the sole survivor and win $1 million dollars, a better inventor than Ben Franklin, one of those weirdos at Venice Beach, cool enough to have Daniel Stern be the voice of my inner monoluge throughout my wonder years, smarter than the average bear, the mayor of Bald Knob, Arkansas, the voice of the Bop-It! game (twist it! pull it! BOP IT!), a member of the News or the Heartbreakers or the Miracles or the Wailers or the Blowfish or the Blue Notes or the Family Band or the Revolution, Sugar Bear and save someone's life tonight, ready to rumble, uncredited in a major motion picture, the king of the world, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, rockin' down the highway, a street vendor in Tijuana, bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s, Airbud's owner in Air Bud: We Ran Out of Clever Sports References so the Dog Will Just Run Around and be Cute for 80 Minutes, Peter Griffin for Halloween so that my friends can dress up as the rest of the Griffin Family, Donald Trump for the sole purpose of saying the "You're Fired" line without sounding like an imitator, fluent in HTML, C++, Visual Basic, Unix and Navajo, the face on the $7 Bill, married to the Girl sitting on the moon on the Miler High Life logo, Commander to Michael Jackson's Captain EO in the 3D movie/attraction of the same name, coo coo cookoo for Coco Puffs, representin' for my homies no matter where I go, the person who finds out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop, able to come up with more random things that I wanna to be...
(to be continued)
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