Beer Pong on the Rocks
By: Iceman
Week 4 – “I'd be tender, I'd be gentle, and awful sentimental, regarding love and art.
I'd be friends with the sparrows ... and the boy who shoots the arrows
If I only had a heart.”
Someone always steals my thunder. That’s the story of my life. Every time that I come up with an original idea, it always turns out that someone has already done it and I come off as nothing but a cheap imitation. That was about to change in week 4 when I told my partner Joey Kanz that the most important element in beer pong is heart. You gotta have heart of you ever expect to win at beer pong. The Tin Man feels hollow and goes on a quest to find it. What he realized in the end was that he had heart all along and he just needed to look in the right place. I can’t be mad at Joey Kanz for taking my best ideas (although he did credit me for my statement in his week 3 rookie diary article when he prematurely gave away my week 4 lesson.) You can never expect to win if your heart is not in the game. My biggest problem this season was the fact that I no longer was excited to play the game. I had lost my love for beer pong. When Friday night rolls around, I head to the beer pong house to step up to the table out of pure habit; this is what I have known to be reality over the last 2 years of my life. My life has not been without beer pong since I was a 20-year-old sophomore at UWM and a rookie in the Dining Services department of the Union.
You all know the history of our humble beginnings, but I’ll tell you a little bit of my perspective of this league. I had first heard about an organized beer pong league shortly after I had started working at the Union, but did not want to give up my Friday nights for a silly little drinking game. That now is on my list of regrets, as I did not play in the 1st season, yet I was there every Friday nights to hang out and watch every game. I am thankful to have been there since the beginning, but I cannot say that I was a part of the league when it was in its infancy. That is one of the reasons why I still play today because I feel like I still have enough to offer the members of this league.
When season 7 began, I was in the league simply because I wanted to give a rookie (Joey Kanz) the opportunity to play competitive beer pong and to interact with other people who loved the game as much as he did. I saw a lot of myself in him. I knew that without me, he would not be allowed to play in this league because he didn’t have any connections. This once again proves that it is not what you know, but rather whom you know. It was my duty as a veteran to allow someone to experience to pure joy of playing competitive pong. Heh heh, duty. Although I am old, I can still laugh at unintentionally funny words like the penal system, insert, extend and titular. I’ll never be too grown up to not crack a smile whenever those words are mentioned. Funny as it may sound, it all comes back to having heart.
Although sometimes I felt like I had given up on beer pong, I always found out that beer pong had never given up on me. There comes a time in one’s life when you have to grow up and let go of all of the silly childish things (beer pong) that have hindered you from being a member of “cultured” society. I felt like that time was now, but then I remembered how fun this game is and how much I enjoy playing, and beer pong is there waiting for me to play. We don’t choose our lives, our lives choose us, and that is why I still play after 5 seasons and why I will still be there for the World Series of Beer Pong II, Season 8, and the World Series of Beer Pong III. That’s right, you heard it right here ladies and gentlemen. Regardless of the outcome of this season, I will be back in Spring 2007 to once again play my little heart out on the plywood. And for those of you heading out to Mesquite, Nevada for the 1st time in January 2007 and January 2008 – guess who will be behind you during you matches cheering you on – me. That’s right, the Iceman will be there to give you moral and emotional support as you crush the competition that has come from around the globe with the sole purpose of defeating you. We’re not going to let that happen because everyone from Milwaukee has your back, and no one will represent for you like I will. And that you can print in Rolling Stone Magazine!
Sometimes your heart can get you into a little trouble. Before you start worrying that I’m going to pour out my emotions to you, I’m going to keep it all about beer pong. I think that it goes without saying that I’ve made a lot of friends in this league, and the hardest thing about Friday nights is the fact that I may have to play against one of my friends and take a victory away from them. That’s pretty easy to do usually because I’d rather have a victory for my team instead of making another person feel better about themselves. As they say, all’s fair in love and beer pong. The hardest part is when four of my really good friends face off across the table from each other and I have to choose who I’d rather see win. It’s true that you can try to root for both sides, but that rarely goes as planned. You tend to cheer louder or more often for one rather than the other and people’s feelings get hurt. The reason that I point this out is because I am sorry if I ever broke your heart by cheering against you. In week 4 I noticed this when Roberts and Erin played against the Joshes. I feel as though I root against Roberts more than I do for him, so next time I’ll promise to root for him.
Iceman’s lesson of the week – you gotta have heart if you expect to win in beer pong. If heart isn’t enough to guarantee a victory, then I suggest a dose of practice as well. Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription… is more heart! I gotta have more heart!
You know what really grinds my gears? – people who doubted me. I know that there are some of you out there who picked me to fail this year. Shame on you. I know that I’m old and quite possible past my prime, but I still have the potential to turn it up when I have to. In week 4, I shot a dead 60%. While some of you may scoff at that number and say that a blind monkey could do that while sipping espresso, I think that that is quite admirable regardless of your tenure in the league. Guess what everyone – I still got it. I still have enough heart to break out and kick some ass on the table. I sure hope that you don’t line up cross-court from me when I possess enough heart to sweep over a love-starved third-world country. Heart will trump skill any day.
Iceman's shout-outs -
Keith - fir giving me the best one-liner of the night. We played a little exhibition together, and Keith and I were discussing missing just one shot. I told him that I only had missed one shot, and without hesitation, he replied, “It was a big shot!” For those of you who are unfamiliar with the movie reference, this comes from Meet the Parents when Larry Banks (James Rebhorn) insults Greg Focker’s (Ben Stiller) water volleyball performance. It was totally unexpected and I’m glad that I have devoted my life to watching movies so that I could see the humor in his statement.
Sailor Jerry – for helping me to relax and for giving me the confidence that I needed to take home a victory in week 4. It’s always an adventure when we go out sailing.
Balkman – for having the biggest heart of almost anyone I know. Ever since I started working for you in the Terrace, I’ve referred to you as the Heart (Aris is the Brains) and both work in order to keep everything functioning properly. I don’t want to sound gay or anything, but I cannot count how many times you have cheered me up with a hug, whispered sweet reassuring comments into my ear, said you loved me and actually meant it and made me feel lucky to be your friend. You’ve always been there for me Mr. Balkman, and I value all of the time we spend together. I know that everyone is jealous (especially Josh Hansen and Matthew Overby) that I get to hang out with Balkman all day long. In case you were wondering, it rocks.
Spencer/Dan – upon meeting you guys before our match, you told me that you had heard of me and my presence in the league. Normally that would have put a little pressure on me but I have learned that this is a sign of respect and that you would continue to think the same of me if I didn’t play up to your expectations. After the game, you were really cool about your loss, and I commend you on how you both handle the game and its many twists and turns. Well done sirs, and I wish you luck on the rest of the season.
Joey Kanz – even though you stole my idea I can’t be mad because it shows that you were listening to me. When I started teaching you everything that I knew about beer pong, I never expected you to actually listen to and follow my examples. I know that you have experienced so much in beer pong in a little period of time, but I feel like there are some things about this game that I need to tell you and in some way, pass them on to the next generation. When you get to be my age, you’ll realize how cool it is that someone actually cares about what I have to say. You really have made me proud to be your partner this season.
I really should be more prompt in writing these articles because I know that I am always missing out on something. Week 5 has already come and gone while I am still putting the finishing touches on week 4, so I apologize if I missed anything important.
Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time.
Until then –
I’m the teacher, man, you’re the student.
Close your ears if you feel you’re prudent
And can’t deal with the lyrics I’m steppin’ with
But they’re the lines the people are gettin’ with
A lesson well taught, here’s some more advice
I don’t sweat it on the mic
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