Beer Pong on the Rocks
By: Iceman
Week 5 – “I think were alone now. There doesn’t seem to be anyone around. I think were alone now. The hitting of the cups is the only sound.”
It’s all happening. This article is a think piece about a mid-level team struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom. We’ll get to that later, but for now I want to talk about beer pong atmosphere. When and where you play beer pong can significantly alter your game play. There’s a world of difference between playing on a league night vs. any other night of the week. So was the case in week 5 when Joey Kanz and I took on Donny and Gev of team Starsky and Clutch. We were facing some stiff competition, for I had heard from Skemp and Keith that Donny was dynamite on their home table. Although this was his first season, Gev has proven himself in the past to be a stellar player in a substitute role. We had learned from our match against Anthony and Dave not to look too deeply into stats, for the only thing that mattered was your game play in that given night. That’s why you have to take beer pong one game at a time.
It’s all happening. This article is a think piece about a mid-level team struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom. We’ll get to that later, but for now I want to talk about beer pong atmosphere. When and where you play beer pong can significantly alter your game play. There’s a world of difference between playing on a league night vs. any other night of the week. So was the case in week 5 when Joey Kanz and I took on Donny and Gev of team Starsky and Clutch. We were facing some stiff competition, for I had heard from Skemp and Keith that Donny was dynamite on their home table. Although this was his first season, Gev has proven himself in the past to be a stellar player in a substitute role. We had learned from our match against Anthony and Dave not to look too deeply into stats, for the only thing that mattered was your game play in that given night. That’s why you have to take beer pong one game at a time.
In order to beat the team we were playing against this week (in this case Donny and Gev) we had to treat it like our most important game of the season. We had to play on Thursday night because one of them could not make it Friday, and that may have helped us secure the victory. It helped us that there was no one around (aside from the house residents) to cheer against us. I don’t need anyone cheering for me to perform well; my inner voice takes care of that. I also have the greatest cheerleader in Joey Kanz at my side. His game play gives me all of the confidence that I need to play my best.
Since the majority of you missed our game, here’s what you missed. We beat them in game 1 and everyone on the table shot well. Game 2 started with Donny and Gev going 7 for 7, but then they lost by 2-3 cups because the game is not over until the kill shot is hit. Once we combined them, we must have only missed 1 shot as a team and finished with high shooting percentages. Over 2 games, I shot 54.55, Kanz shot 66.67 and we split the kills. This was the first time that we had both shot over 50% in the same week, and Joey Kanz – your shot…was incendiary.
The atmosphere changes the way that you play because you adapt to your surrounding and respond to the environment. Have you ever noticed that sometimes you shoot lights-out in exhibition but then bottom-out in league play? It’s because in exhibition there is nothing at stake. You might say that pride is at stake, and the winner stays on the table rule makes you want to win if you want to keep playing, but I don’t believe in any of that new-age hooey. If you do lose, there’s always room on the sign-up sheet, no matter how long it is. There’s always another night, there’s always another table to play on, and although there’s no time for love, there’s always more time for beer pong Dr. Jones. When we played on Thursday before a handful of people, it seemed like the pressure we brought upon ourselves was gone, and we were able to play our own style of beer pong. When we are truly allowed to play our game, we cannot be beaten. Friday night is a whole different story because everyone in league is there (with a few exceptions of course) and everyone knows how you performed that night. If you’re expected to do well, you don’t want to let everyone down by playing poorly. Sometimes you over think and rush your shot, and that is when you cease to play your style of beer pong and start to play somebody else’s game. You are the only person who can control your own game on any given night, and it is up to you to live up to your own expectations. Screw what everyone else has to say, just go out there and make sure you are satisfied with what you have done on the table.
I’m going to take a moment to talk about the 1st World Series of Beer Pong. The atmosphere there was so much different than anywhere I have ever played. First off, we played inside of a convention center and up to 16 tables were going at the same time. Because I wasn’t the only one playing, I knew that there weren’t too many eyes watching and critiquing my performance. We made it quite obvious that we were from Milwaukee, but no one really knew anything about who I was or how I played on the table. Day 1 came and went and I still was just another face in the crowd. On Day 2, Fresno Chris and I started playing like true Milwaukee Beer pongers – we kicked some major ass. Our 6-0 showing on day 2 brought us more attention than I was ready for, and the bright spotlight upon me cause me to shy away and search for a dark corner. I’m ready to admit it now; I fell apart in the WSoBP playoffs because I let the pressure get to me. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone who believed in me that they had backed the right horse, and to also show everyone who doubted me that they were wrong. As soon as the attention began to focus on me, the entire atmosphere changed and my game had changed with it. The slight change in atmosphere altered my performance. If you take anything away from this, take this lesson with you – you are the only one who has control over what you do on the beer pong table. You and only you are to blame for your performance, be it good or bad. Every time that you go out there, play the best that you can and you will always be satisfied. If you shoot 75% and lose to someone who shot 80%, it really sucks, but you did the best you could. You got beat by someone who was better. Take solace in the fact that you were in control of your own destiny, and go out there and do it again next time. Remember – in beer pong you can do or do not; there is no try.
If you’re good at beer pong, you’re going to have friends like crazy, but they’re gonna be fake friends. You cannot make friends with these people. They’re gonna try and corrupt you. They are going to ruin beer pong and strangle everything we love about it. They are trying to buy respectability for a form that is gloriously and righteously dumb. The day that beer pong ceases to be dumb is the day that it ceases to be real. And then it just becomes an industry of cool. We’re coming along at a very dangerous time in beer pong. I think that you should just turn around and play something else, like connect four, but I can tell from your face that you won’t. You have to make your reputation on being honest and unmerciful. And just remember, if anyone makes fun of you for caring so much about this game and making it your lifestyle, you’ll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.
Some people have a hard time explaining beer pong, really explaining beer pong. That’s ok, because beer pong is a lifestyle and a way of thinking. And it’s not about money and popularity, although some money would be nice. It’s a voice that says, “here I am, and fuck you if you can’t understand me.” One of these people is gonna save the world; and that means that beer pong can save the world. And the chicks are great. What it all comes down to is that thing, the indefinable thing when people catch something from your beer pong playing. What I’m talking about is the buzz. And the chicks, the whatever, is an offshoot from the buzz. You saying that you like Balkman’s quick shot kill? That is the fucking buzz!
On the whole, I’d say most of the fuck-ups in the world come from the brain, not the instincts. My whole thing is to try and make my brain go away, but I can’t, except on the beer pong table. The brain should be a softening influence on the instincts, but the instincts should drive. Trying to reconcile the brain with urges that come out of millions of years ago, the way the brain interprets these instincts, is a heavy trip. Usually I’m brain, and Kanz is instincts. But on the days when we’re both instinct, that’s when we’ve played the beer pong people know best, because…it’s the best. Show me any guy who ever said he didn’t want to be popular, and I’ll show you a scared guy. I’ve studied every player in beer pong; most of the time the best stuff is the popular stuff. It’s much safer to say popularity sucks, because that allows you to forgive yourself if you suck. And I don’t forgive myself, do you?
Someone once told me that I am too sweet for beer pong. Where do they get off? Where do they get sweet? I am dark and mysterious and pissed off. And I could be very dangerous to all of you. I am not sweet. And you should know that about me. I AM THE ENEMY!!!
You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong. They make you feel cool. And hey, I met you. You are not cool. We're uncool. And while beer pong will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their beer pong skill never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter. Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start. The only true currency in this bankrupt world if what we share with someone else when we're uncool. My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful
I always tell my friends to never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you step up to the beer pong table and visit your friends (the beer cups).
So what do I love about beer pong? To begin with, everything…
It’s all happening…
Iceman’s lesson of the week – You have to take beer pong one game at a time. Every game you play should be treated like your most important game ever. After you get past that game, then you can worry about the upcoming one. Failure to do so will warrant unwanted results. I know over the course of the season I have been giving away too much in my lessons, but I feel that the time is right to dispense this knowledge. You know how I play my game, and you can either apply it to you own game or use it against me. The choice is entirely yours, and I hope you make the right decision.
You what really grinds my gears? – putting on one hell of a show and no one shows up to watch it. I’m sure that everyone by now realizes that I am a consistent beer pong player, and I will produce everything that I advertise to do. Stop watching me; I’ve done all that I can for this game. You need to pay attention to Joey Kanz and watch him light up the table and make cups. This kid is unbelievable, and he’s not even old enough to legally drink! You can say that about a few other people (Mike Roberts and Christian come to mind) but neither of them has done what he has done in his rookie year. I don’t mean this to be condescending, but Mike Roberts shot 37.17% in his rookie season, and Christian shot 43.35%. Joey Kanz finished his rookie year at 53.69%. Although this is the week 5 article, the season is already over; I have the knowledge base to make these claims. This marks the first time that lateness and procrastination has worked in my favor.
Since the majority of you missed our game, here’s what you missed. We beat them in game 1 and everyone on the table shot well. Game 2 started with Donny and Gev going 7 for 7, but then they lost by 2-3 cups because the game is not over until the kill shot is hit. Once we combined them, we must have only missed 1 shot as a team and finished with high shooting percentages. Over 2 games, I shot 54.55, Kanz shot 66.67 and we split the kills. This was the first time that we had both shot over 50% in the same week, and Joey Kanz – your shot…was incendiary.
The atmosphere changes the way that you play because you adapt to your surrounding and respond to the environment. Have you ever noticed that sometimes you shoot lights-out in exhibition but then bottom-out in league play? It’s because in exhibition there is nothing at stake. You might say that pride is at stake, and the winner stays on the table rule makes you want to win if you want to keep playing, but I don’t believe in any of that new-age hooey. If you do lose, there’s always room on the sign-up sheet, no matter how long it is. There’s always another night, there’s always another table to play on, and although there’s no time for love, there’s always more time for beer pong Dr. Jones. When we played on Thursday before a handful of people, it seemed like the pressure we brought upon ourselves was gone, and we were able to play our own style of beer pong. When we are truly allowed to play our game, we cannot be beaten. Friday night is a whole different story because everyone in league is there (with a few exceptions of course) and everyone knows how you performed that night. If you’re expected to do well, you don’t want to let everyone down by playing poorly. Sometimes you over think and rush your shot, and that is when you cease to play your style of beer pong and start to play somebody else’s game. You are the only person who can control your own game on any given night, and it is up to you to live up to your own expectations. Screw what everyone else has to say, just go out there and make sure you are satisfied with what you have done on the table.
I’m going to take a moment to talk about the 1st World Series of Beer Pong. The atmosphere there was so much different than anywhere I have ever played. First off, we played inside of a convention center and up to 16 tables were going at the same time. Because I wasn’t the only one playing, I knew that there weren’t too many eyes watching and critiquing my performance. We made it quite obvious that we were from Milwaukee, but no one really knew anything about who I was or how I played on the table. Day 1 came and went and I still was just another face in the crowd. On Day 2, Fresno Chris and I started playing like true Milwaukee Beer pongers – we kicked some major ass. Our 6-0 showing on day 2 brought us more attention than I was ready for, and the bright spotlight upon me cause me to shy away and search for a dark corner. I’m ready to admit it now; I fell apart in the WSoBP playoffs because I let the pressure get to me. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone who believed in me that they had backed the right horse, and to also show everyone who doubted me that they were wrong. As soon as the attention began to focus on me, the entire atmosphere changed and my game had changed with it. The slight change in atmosphere altered my performance. If you take anything away from this, take this lesson with you – you are the only one who has control over what you do on the beer pong table. You and only you are to blame for your performance, be it good or bad. Every time that you go out there, play the best that you can and you will always be satisfied. If you shoot 75% and lose to someone who shot 80%, it really sucks, but you did the best you could. You got beat by someone who was better. Take solace in the fact that you were in control of your own destiny, and go out there and do it again next time. Remember – in beer pong you can do or do not; there is no try.
If you’re good at beer pong, you’re going to have friends like crazy, but they’re gonna be fake friends. You cannot make friends with these people. They’re gonna try and corrupt you. They are going to ruin beer pong and strangle everything we love about it. They are trying to buy respectability for a form that is gloriously and righteously dumb. The day that beer pong ceases to be dumb is the day that it ceases to be real. And then it just becomes an industry of cool. We’re coming along at a very dangerous time in beer pong. I think that you should just turn around and play something else, like connect four, but I can tell from your face that you won’t. You have to make your reputation on being honest and unmerciful. And just remember, if anyone makes fun of you for caring so much about this game and making it your lifestyle, you’ll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.
Some people have a hard time explaining beer pong, really explaining beer pong. That’s ok, because beer pong is a lifestyle and a way of thinking. And it’s not about money and popularity, although some money would be nice. It’s a voice that says, “here I am, and fuck you if you can’t understand me.” One of these people is gonna save the world; and that means that beer pong can save the world. And the chicks are great. What it all comes down to is that thing, the indefinable thing when people catch something from your beer pong playing. What I’m talking about is the buzz. And the chicks, the whatever, is an offshoot from the buzz. You saying that you like Balkman’s quick shot kill? That is the fucking buzz!
On the whole, I’d say most of the fuck-ups in the world come from the brain, not the instincts. My whole thing is to try and make my brain go away, but I can’t, except on the beer pong table. The brain should be a softening influence on the instincts, but the instincts should drive. Trying to reconcile the brain with urges that come out of millions of years ago, the way the brain interprets these instincts, is a heavy trip. Usually I’m brain, and Kanz is instincts. But on the days when we’re both instinct, that’s when we’ve played the beer pong people know best, because…it’s the best. Show me any guy who ever said he didn’t want to be popular, and I’ll show you a scared guy. I’ve studied every player in beer pong; most of the time the best stuff is the popular stuff. It’s much safer to say popularity sucks, because that allows you to forgive yourself if you suck. And I don’t forgive myself, do you?
Someone once told me that I am too sweet for beer pong. Where do they get off? Where do they get sweet? I am dark and mysterious and pissed off. And I could be very dangerous to all of you. I am not sweet. And you should know that about me. I AM THE ENEMY!!!
You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong. They make you feel cool. And hey, I met you. You are not cool. We're uncool. And while beer pong will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their beer pong skill never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter. Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start. The only true currency in this bankrupt world if what we share with someone else when we're uncool. My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful
I always tell my friends to never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you step up to the beer pong table and visit your friends (the beer cups).
So what do I love about beer pong? To begin with, everything…
It’s all happening…
Iceman’s lesson of the week – You have to take beer pong one game at a time. Every game you play should be treated like your most important game ever. After you get past that game, then you can worry about the upcoming one. Failure to do so will warrant unwanted results. I know over the course of the season I have been giving away too much in my lessons, but I feel that the time is right to dispense this knowledge. You know how I play my game, and you can either apply it to you own game or use it against me. The choice is entirely yours, and I hope you make the right decision.
You what really grinds my gears? – putting on one hell of a show and no one shows up to watch it. I’m sure that everyone by now realizes that I am a consistent beer pong player, and I will produce everything that I advertise to do. Stop watching me; I’ve done all that I can for this game. You need to pay attention to Joey Kanz and watch him light up the table and make cups. This kid is unbelievable, and he’s not even old enough to legally drink! You can say that about a few other people (Mike Roberts and Christian come to mind) but neither of them has done what he has done in his rookie year. I don’t mean this to be condescending, but Mike Roberts shot 37.17% in his rookie season, and Christian shot 43.35%. Joey Kanz finished his rookie year at 53.69%. Although this is the week 5 article, the season is already over; I have the knowledge base to make these claims. This marks the first time that lateness and procrastination has worked in my favor.
Iceman’s shout-outs –
Cameron Crowe – for letting me “borrow” quotes and lines from Almost Famous, even though you have no idea that I did use them. I did it as an homage and I never intended it to be otherwise. I love your movie and I count it as one of my top 5 of all time. Your writing style and characters have inspired me, and I am moved every time I watch it.
Donny and Gev – for playing one hell of a game. Balkman picked you guys to win in three games in his week 5 Bracket Buster Breakdown article, and I honestly believe that if we had gone to game 3, you would have. After a tough game 1 loss, you came out shooting 7 for 7 in game 2, only to have us rally back and beat you. I knew it was a tough loss for you guys, but understand that we had to pull off a miracle to beat you. You really had me scared that neither of you would miss in game 2, and I was ready to trash game 2 and prepare for game 3. Thankfully I didn’t have to make that decision, and I wish you all the best in the playoffs unless you happen to play against Kanz and I. Good luck.
Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time. Until then -
You can tell Rolling Stone Magazine that my last words were, “I’m on drugs!!”
Well, I think that I should work on those last words, so I’ll say, “I dig music…”
No? “I’m on drugs!!!!”
Cameron Crowe – for letting me “borrow” quotes and lines from Almost Famous, even though you have no idea that I did use them. I did it as an homage and I never intended it to be otherwise. I love your movie and I count it as one of my top 5 of all time. Your writing style and characters have inspired me, and I am moved every time I watch it.
Donny and Gev – for playing one hell of a game. Balkman picked you guys to win in three games in his week 5 Bracket Buster Breakdown article, and I honestly believe that if we had gone to game 3, you would have. After a tough game 1 loss, you came out shooting 7 for 7 in game 2, only to have us rally back and beat you. I knew it was a tough loss for you guys, but understand that we had to pull off a miracle to beat you. You really had me scared that neither of you would miss in game 2, and I was ready to trash game 2 and prepare for game 3. Thankfully I didn’t have to make that decision, and I wish you all the best in the playoffs unless you happen to play against Kanz and I. Good luck.
Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time. Until then -
You can tell Rolling Stone Magazine that my last words were, “I’m on drugs!!”
Well, I think that I should work on those last words, so I’ll say, “I dig music…”
No? “I’m on drugs!!!!”
– Iceman –
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