It's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel...

...which is really not that easy if you think about it. Why do they say that then? I haven't been fishing in a few years, but I used to go back with my grandparents when I was younger. If I recall, fish are very slippery and when you take them off the hook and try to put them somewhere, they flip around violently and try to break free. And throwing a slippery moving object? There's no way in hell that that is easy, and trust me, I know. I've made a living out of throwing wet objects (ping pong balls) into barrels (plastic cups) so you can consider me an expert on the subject.

I assume that they are talking about live fish being thrown into the barrel, or else the quote would be "it's as easy as throwing dead fish in a barrel!" I haven't handled a whole lot of dead fish in my day, but I'd have to imagine that a cold dead lifeless fish would be easier to grab a hold of than a live one. One of these days, I'll become a real journalist, question professionals and do some on the scene investigation, which would allow for factual reporting instead of assumptions. But then of course, I would have to actually try, meet deadlines, and be professional. And I don't think that professionals are allowed to write stories about shooting fish in a barrel complete with a sweet twisted picture that makes sense and doesn't make sense at the same time. That having been said, I don't see myself ever becoming a professional journalist. This shit that I do here is just way too much fun.

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So this just goes to show you that some things don't make sense when you sit down, break it apart, and ponder over the meaning of the statement. We throw these sayings into the conversation without any thought or warning of the ramifications of their use. When someone says "it's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel" you need to figure out that the person who said it is in fact lying to you, because this sort of thing is not easy. Someone who lies is not a trustworthy person, and if that person is your friend, then it also causes you to reexamine your relationship with that person. You think back to all of the moments you have shared, and it makes you doubt some of the things they told you in confidence. Did their parents really leave them stranded at Wal-Mart when they were 6 years old (which lead them to believe they were neglected as children) or did they just make that story up to gain sympathy? You no longer are able to trust to your friend, and it was all because they used a common phrase without thinking.

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There are plenty of other phrases that people use with reckless abandon, and I don't want to take up too much of your time, but use caution when uttering these phrases :

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"killing 2 birds with 1 stone" - the person who said this is a homicidal and sadistic murder who takes pleasure in killing defenseless animals with blunt objects.

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"a penny saved is a penny earned" - don't expect this person to pay for drinks or leave a tip. This person will use you for your money and and will put a drain on your wallet.

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"there's no sense in crying over spilled milk" - why the hell not? If someone loves milk, and spilled it, I can see crying about it. If I dropped a case of beer or a bottle of rum and it broke, I'd be balling my eyes out. You can't tell me when to or when not to cry. I can cry if I want to dammit. Then I'd dry my tears, lie face down on the ground, and slurp up every last drop of alcohol. I paid for that shit, and I'll be damned if plants and ants get drunk at my expense.

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"the devil is in the details" - no, the devil is in hell. People that don't know that are idiots.

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"let the cat out of the bag" - seriously, who keeps cats in bags? PETA should get at these people for animal cruelty. Cats should be on farms or chilling on window sills.

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"curiosity killed the cat" - no, it was keeping the cat in the bag with no food, water, or air that killed the cat.

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And my favorite, "it's always in the last place that you look" - of course it is, why would you keep looking for something once you've already found it?

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Avoid using these phrases and the countless others that sound just like them, and you will avoid sounding like a jackass. If each person who reads this does that, then we will have less morons in this world. But since I'm going to keep shooting fishes in barrels and taking everything except the kitchen sink (f*ck the kitchen sink), this world is screwed. I know that you'll keep doing it too, so all hope for mankind is lost for all time. But when it rains it pours, we will put all of our eggs in one basket, beat a dead horse, burn the midnight oil, burn bridges, burn the candle at both ends, take a shot in the dark, and judge books by their covers. We're all gonna die. God help us.

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- pookon -

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