A Glass of Wine

In keeping on topic with sober week, I'm going to present you with an article that I have been writing for some time about wine. Now that I am supposed to be a grown up, I'm going to have to start conforming with society. That means drinking wine at dinner parties, discussing current world events and attending community meetings that focus on improving the quality of life in the neighborhood. Of course then I'd have to start wearing neatly pressed khakis and sweater-vests, but it would be worth it if I could be accepted by the middle class society. That day may or may not come (I can't make any promises either way), but I have to prepare myself now by drinking the wine that I can be ready for the future. Plus I need to get used to wearing sweater-vests and caring about the community. Yuck.

I read somewhere that having a glass of wine each day has been shown to reduce the risk of heart disease, certain cancers and slow the progression of neurological degenerative disorders like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s Disease. Some people (not to point fingers, but I'm talking to you Mom) have criticized me for my love of alcohol, but I'm just trying to stay healthy. If online doctors using the Google on the internet machine say that it is good, then I'm going to listen to them and take their advice. After all, how can internet doctors be wrong? When has the internet ever led you astray? Isn't WebMD the place to get better information and better health? I'm just trying to live past 50 people! And I might just need some white zinfandel, cabernet sauvignon, and chardonnay to get me there. Who's with me?

But I think that naysayers and people like my Mother get all uppity because people like me drink to excess, much like when they consume an entire bottle of wine (750 ML) in a day instead of the 1 or 2 glasses that make wine healthy. The only benefit that you get from the wine is a little classy buzz that helps you write genius commentary on a website or a blog. Plus wine is relatively cheap compared to some of the other forms of alcohol, and it makes me feel more like an adult than when I drink countless cans of Milwaukee's Best Ice.But the hangover can be quite troublesome depending on which grade of wine you consume. They say the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice, but I say the cheaper the wine, the heavier the hangover. I know that all too well.

Which leads me into my next point. I'm not a wine guy at all, so when I drink wine it usually comes in a plastic bag with a nozzle inside of a cardboard box. Chillable Red is my favorite, and it comes courtesy of the Franzia Wine Company, who have paved the way for kids of all "legal" drinking ages to S the B. That is the main benefit to drinking box wine because no matter how you try, you can't get as much satisfaction by slapping a glass bottle as you do by slapping a plastic bag. It's so much fun, that a small group of us have been known to consume all 5 liters in 1 night, which results in some pretty wicked hangovers the next day. Hangovers in general suck, but B-Dubs hangovers are hell. My head feels like the B getting S'd repeatedly for an extended period of time.

All's good with consuming a safe amount of wine everyday, as long as I don't end up like this guy. He calls himself the World's Greatest Wine-O, and he prides himself on being a drunken attraction at Venice Beach. If you give him some money (which he promises to spend on booze, and I totally believe him) he will tell you funny jokes, songs and stories. Now that I think about it, being this guy wouldn't be so bad. He probably makes more money than me, doesn't pay taxes, hangs outside with hot chicks, drinks all day, and is loved and remembered by all who cross his path. I bet if I engaged in conversation with someone who has been to Venice beach and I mentioned the Wine-O, they'd know exactly who I was talking about. Now that's big time famous. That's legendary. All for being a drunken derelict. I've been aiming high as far as career and life goals go, maybe I should start aiming low like this guy.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

I'm not an Alcoholic...

...because Alcoholics go to meetings. I'd probably consider myself more of a two-fisted slopper. You remember the two-fisted slopper, right? You don't? Then you probably are one of those bandwagon Brewers fans that I will soon bitch about in an upcoming blog entry. Back when the Brewers used to suck, they played at a place called Milwaukee County Stadium. County Stadium opened in 1953 and the Brewers played there until 2000. In the 47 years that it stood in what is now the parking lot of Miller Park, they really did not make any improvements to the stadium. Everything that we complained about being smelly, cramped, obstructed, and outdated is not considered cool, retro, and thought upon with fond memories. But this isn't a blog about former stadiums where I spent some of the best times of my childhood, this is about drinking, which is where the two-fisted slopper comes into play.

The reason that I write this blog entry is that my Mom thinks that I am a raging alcoholic. I believe that statement to have a little truth, but I still don't consider myself to be an alcoholic. Alcoholics need alcohol and are dependant on it, and it is an addiction that they cannot control. I can easily go without alcohol, but I thoroughly enjoy it, so I consume it on a regular basis. In that regards, I am more of a drunk than an alcoholic. I call myself a two-fisted slopper because when I drink, I never just have one. I usually have 1 drink in each hand and am belligerent before the night is over. Sometimes (like at Afterglow) I am drunk by 3:00 pm, and I often make a fool out of myself. My Mom is always super embarrassed by my actions, but I always just tell her that I am being young and foolish. Until one day when I figured out that I'm really not that young anymore. 27 year-olds are supposed to be working at careers, not jobs. They are supposed to be getting married and having children, not living above a bar with two other dudes. They are supposed to be setting life goals, not training for a National beer pong tournament in Las Vegas. But then again, I never really did what I was supposed to.

I try to stay sober for a long period of time (which I consider to be a week, because a week is FOREVER) but it never happens because of my friends and my lifestyle. I guess I could change my friends and my lifestyle, but that would mean giving up my life as a beer pong player. I'm not yet ready to do that, because it's one of the few things that is keeping me from growing up and moving on with life after college. I still try to pretend that I am still 23, and I even delayed graduating by about 2 years so that I could party longer in college. I party a little more that I probably should at my age, and it really isn't cute or funny anymore, which is why I declare sober weeks every now and then when I need to recuperate. It doesn't sound like a lot to any of you non-alcheys out there, but during these sober time periods I abstain from midweek drinking and generally just lie around on the couch because I have nothing to do. I don't write on the site, don't visit with friends, and I just kind of become an anti-social little caterpillar in his sober cocoon. But it is what I make it it out to be, and I tend to make it a lot bigger than it actually is.

The problem that I face is that I've always been a beer glass is half empty kind of guy. Then I turned into the beer glass is all the way empty because I drank all of the beer to drown away my sorrows kind of guy. I think the reason that I drink so much is that dealing with the world when sober is really tough, and it's just too easy to get drunk, pass out, and forget about all of the crazy shit that's going on around you. I'm kind of half and half on all of this nonsense. Call it borderline if you will. I'm on the fence on whether or not I can handle the world while sober, or if I need some liquid courage to get me through the day. Whatever it is, it's really not working out for me and I need to find some alternative method to working out my problems. So for 3 weeks out of the month I'm drinking them away, and in the last week I'm recovering from one hell of a month. Not a good way to live the life, but what the hell else am I gonna do?

Oh, and before you start getting worried and think about staging an intervention and sending me to rehab, I'm half serious and half joking on this topic. It's up to you to figure out which half is the truth and which half is a lie. Cause I'll never tell. That's one of the best things about holding the power (truth and answers) because it keeps everyone else guessing.

Sober week has begun, so expect tons of stories about alcohol and drugs. Or expect nothing at all. It's not like I update this shit on a regular basis now that my sole method of entertainment (the Milwaukee Brewers) have ceased to exist for the remainder of the season. I've got a couple of stories in the pipeline (the playoff wrap-ups, season review, preview of next season) but I'm still suffering vicariously from the immense choking that Jeff Suppan did in game 4 of the NLDS at Miller Park. But that's another story for another day.

I'd say cheers and lift my glass to you, but it's just not the same when there's water in the glass instead of Sailor Jerry. But cheers anyway my friend.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com