I'm not an Alcoholic...

...because Alcoholics go to meetings. I'd probably consider myself more of a two-fisted slopper. You remember the two-fisted slopper, right? You don't? Then you probably are one of those bandwagon Brewers fans that I will soon bitch about in an upcoming blog entry. Back when the Brewers used to suck, they played at a place called Milwaukee County Stadium. County Stadium opened in 1953 and the Brewers played there until 2000. In the 47 years that it stood in what is now the parking lot of Miller Park, they really did not make any improvements to the stadium. Everything that we complained about being smelly, cramped, obstructed, and outdated is not considered cool, retro, and thought upon with fond memories. But this isn't a blog about former stadiums where I spent some of the best times of my childhood, this is about drinking, which is where the two-fisted slopper comes into play.

The reason that I write this blog entry is that my Mom thinks that I am a raging alcoholic. I believe that statement to have a little truth, but I still don't consider myself to be an alcoholic. Alcoholics need alcohol and are dependant on it, and it is an addiction that they cannot control. I can easily go without alcohol, but I thoroughly enjoy it, so I consume it on a regular basis. In that regards, I am more of a drunk than an alcoholic. I call myself a two-fisted slopper because when I drink, I never just have one. I usually have 1 drink in each hand and am belligerent before the night is over. Sometimes (like at Afterglow) I am drunk by 3:00 pm, and I often make a fool out of myself. My Mom is always super embarrassed by my actions, but I always just tell her that I am being young and foolish. Until one day when I figured out that I'm really not that young anymore. 27 year-olds are supposed to be working at careers, not jobs. They are supposed to be getting married and having children, not living above a bar with two other dudes. They are supposed to be setting life goals, not training for a National beer pong tournament in Las Vegas. But then again, I never really did what I was supposed to.

I try to stay sober for a long period of time (which I consider to be a week, because a week is FOREVER) but it never happens because of my friends and my lifestyle. I guess I could change my friends and my lifestyle, but that would mean giving up my life as a beer pong player. I'm not yet ready to do that, because it's one of the few things that is keeping me from growing up and moving on with life after college. I still try to pretend that I am still 23, and I even delayed graduating by about 2 years so that I could party longer in college. I party a little more that I probably should at my age, and it really isn't cute or funny anymore, which is why I declare sober weeks every now and then when I need to recuperate. It doesn't sound like a lot to any of you non-alcheys out there, but during these sober time periods I abstain from midweek drinking and generally just lie around on the couch because I have nothing to do. I don't write on the site, don't visit with friends, and I just kind of become an anti-social little caterpillar in his sober cocoon. But it is what I make it it out to be, and I tend to make it a lot bigger than it actually is.

The problem that I face is that I've always been a beer glass is half empty kind of guy. Then I turned into the beer glass is all the way empty because I drank all of the beer to drown away my sorrows kind of guy. I think the reason that I drink so much is that dealing with the world when sober is really tough, and it's just too easy to get drunk, pass out, and forget about all of the crazy shit that's going on around you. I'm kind of half and half on all of this nonsense. Call it borderline if you will. I'm on the fence on whether or not I can handle the world while sober, or if I need some liquid courage to get me through the day. Whatever it is, it's really not working out for me and I need to find some alternative method to working out my problems. So for 3 weeks out of the month I'm drinking them away, and in the last week I'm recovering from one hell of a month. Not a good way to live the life, but what the hell else am I gonna do?

Oh, and before you start getting worried and think about staging an intervention and sending me to rehab, I'm half serious and half joking on this topic. It's up to you to figure out which half is the truth and which half is a lie. Cause I'll never tell. That's one of the best things about holding the power (truth and answers) because it keeps everyone else guessing.

Sober week has begun, so expect tons of stories about alcohol and drugs. Or expect nothing at all. It's not like I update this shit on a regular basis now that my sole method of entertainment (the Milwaukee Brewers) have ceased to exist for the remainder of the season. I've got a couple of stories in the pipeline (the playoff wrap-ups, season review, preview of next season) but I'm still suffering vicariously from the immense choking that Jeff Suppan did in game 4 of the NLDS at Miller Park. But that's another story for another day.

I'd say cheers and lift my glass to you, but it's just not the same when there's water in the glass instead of Sailor Jerry. But cheers anyway my friend.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com