If I was a Secretary, I’d file this one under B for Bullshit

(from the Lost Archives - 6/3/09)

So if you don’t already know, I live (for the time being) above the bar Vitucci’s on North Ave. My roommate Joey Kanz works (for the time being) as a bouncer at the bar, which is how we started living there. All that changed last night when the bar owner told us that he was getting booted out of his house by his wife and now needed to live above the bar. So he wants us out asap, but we told him it would take time to find a new place to live and move our shit out. See, he’s our landlord, and we never signed a lease, so he really can do whatever he wants. But that doesn’t make it right. It just makes him an asshole. Things of this magnitude can’t just happen overnight, and we need time to get the ball rolling in order to work the process of finding an apartment/house, signing the lease, paying the deposit and 1^st month’s rent, and moving. We’d be lucky to get that all done by July 1^st, which is what we are telling him that we are going to do. We were planning on moving out at the end of the summer anyway, but the timeliness of this couldn’t have been any worse. Aside from working 40 hours a week (9am-5pm) at my day job, I told my boss at Miller Park I could work 12 out of the 14 home games this month. So that’s 530pm-1000pm weekdays and afternoons on the weekends. This weekend is the Reck Family Christmas Party, I’m working the next weekend after that (12-14), then I’m in Detroit from the 19-21, working the next weekend after that (26-28), then all of the sudden it’s July. I don’t have time for this shit! I purposefully booked myself up during the month of June because I had nothing else going on in my life that I needed to deal with. And then this bastard throws this shit at me because his wife kicks him out of the house cause he’s screwing around with some other chick that isn’t her? Why the hell should that be my fucking problem? Now I don’t mind moving, cause to be honest with you, my downstairs neighbors are starting to piss me off. Vitucci’s may very well be the worst bay in the entire world. At times, I am ashamed to admit that I live there. I like the upstairs (especially my bedroom) and was just really getting settled in with all of the décor that I have added to the place. And now I have to take it down, pack it up, and hang it up in a new place. Plus I have to move my cat Coach Gordon Bombay for the 4^th time. He’s probably getting sick of this shit too.

But if I was a secretary, then I’d probably be too busy scheduling appointments and making coffee to find the time to bitch about this unfortunate circumstance. Oh, and I’d probably also be an old gray haired granny with glasses on the verge of retirement. So I would have worse things to worry about, like my kids putting me in a home.

(from the current archives 10/17/09)

So a lot of time has passed since then and I'm over it now. I now live in this small duplex on Brady Street with Asian Paul and my brother Tim, although they both spend so much time at their girlfriend's houses that they only pay rent here. So it's just me and Coach Gordon Bombay hanging out here. It's not too bad, but there's this family living above us and we kinds gotta start being quiet around 9 pm cause the kids have school in the morning. It's a tough adjustment after the last place, when my downstairs neighbors would rage it until 2 or 230 in the morning. But things are so much better here, and I don't have to deal with that Vitucci's bullshit anymore. My Mom lives next to Vic Vitucci (my old landlord Tony Vitucci's cousin), and he hates his cousin, so whenever I go over there we just talk shit about him. Makes for a pretty interesting conversation. But life isn't too bad here on Brady Street, but I don't what's going to happen after this. Timmy wants to move out of Wisconsin and who the hell knows what Asian Paul wants to do. Personally I'd love to stay here because I don't feel like moving again. If I had things my way in a universe that I could control, I would have a girlfriend/fiancee live here with me, cause this place would be perfect for a young couple just getting started out. It's in a great neighborhood, the rent is affordable and just the right size for that family. But since that's never going to happen, I guess I'll just live here until my rent is up and then go get a 1 bedroom apartment with Coach Bombay, and we'll go from there. But I don't have to worry about that until next year, unless I get evicted for being too loud. And not the "you're being too loud" that Uncle Greg accuses Stacy and Stefani of being, I mean really being too loud. It could happen. I try to be respectful of other people, but I go balls to the walls when I watch movies and listen to music. I always say go big or go home. But I'm already home so I have no choice but to go big. Going big might land me on the streets one day, but since Coach Bombay is from the streets, that means only one of us needs to get adjusted to the new life. But I don't see that happening because I went and pussied out and got more responsible with age. Definitely one of my bigger regrets in life. So now that I'm down to limited raging within a specified time period, my life has become rather mundane. Any suggestions how what I can do from here on out? I don't want to be that old secretary with the bun hair and rope things that fasten to the glasses so that they can hang around your neck. I don't want to be stuck ordering office supplies and signing for packages at my desk in the front lobby while answering telephones and scheduling appointments for my boss. Nobody wants to do that. In order to avoid filing paperwork, making coffee and picking up lunch for everybody, I have to do something and fast. I don't want to be stuck being somebody's secretary. I don't want to have to sleep with the boss to get ahead in life. And now I just realized that I seriously offended anybody who is or knows a secretary. Ah screw it. It's not like I never piss anyone off though. I should be used to the backlash that comes from talking shit about people. So bring it on secretaries. I'm ready for you.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com