Milwaukee Brewers 2011 - 25 in 25 - LaTroy Hawkins (17 of 25)

LaTroy Hawkins is old and I wish I could say that his body just broke down last year. That wasn't the case though because he hurt his shoulder and the rest of the body was fine. He tried to rehab it through rest and mall-walking, but he eventually had rotator cuff surgery in August to repair his busted up shoulder. 2010 was a lost year thanks to his shoulder and his numbers weren't pretty. He only pitched 16 innings and was just about as bad as he could be: 0-3 record with a 8.44 ERA. You could tell that something was wrong with him because over the past 8 years (despite being in his mid to upper 30's) he averaged a 3.05 ERA which is pretty damn good for any relief pitcher, let alone someone of his age.

Look at me talking about him like he's 90 and he fell in the driveway and broke his hip while walking to the mailbox one morning. 39 is not that old. It used to be when I was younger but in 6 weeks I'll be 30 and less than a decade away from being Hawkins' age. Of course though when I'm 39 he'll be 49 and that's old as shit. If Hawkins is still playing baseball when he's 49 then I will serious ask myself what the hell I did with my life because at 49 I'll be feeling so old I wont even be able to watch baseball without my body hurting. That's if things continue to go the way they currently are. I feel so much older than I actually am, but like everything else that has gone wrong in my life, I also blame the booze for this one as well.

And that's all that I really have to say about LaTroy Hawkins. I could throw some more old jokes out there but I used them all up talking about Gregg Zaun last year. Remember that guy? Hell of a signing that was. I'm all about signing veteran players because they have the experience that these young kids lack and they hopefully won't buckle under the pressure of a pennant chase and the big moments where they have to be clutch because the game or even the season is on the line. But I'm not all about giving them a two year contract worth $7 million dollars. That's a lot of doll hairs for what Hawkins gave us last year, so he has a lot of catching up to do if he will at least be able to come close to being worth that deal. Cousin Kevin and I came up with some very interesting things to say about and to LaTroy Hawkins if he happens to watch this video. For the safety and well being of myself and my family I hope that he does not watch it.

If you've been following along with this years "25 Brewers in 25 Days" then you might question why I love this team because all I do is make fun of every player on the team. But it's all out of love and I suppose that is just something that I do. Ask any of my friends or family and they will tell you that I make fun of them constantly. Maybe I'm just a dick and that's why no women find me attractive. I would change my life Ebenzer Scrooge-style but what's the fucking point anymore. No one cares about me like no one cares about LaTroy Hawkins. I bet there are some people out there rooting for me to fail so that they can get vengeance from me screwing them over and talking shit about them, just like I'm hoping the failure of Hawkins will prevent the Brewers from giving 2 year contracts to aging relievers in the future. If Hawkins weren't making so much money and if the Brewers weren't trying to recuperate something from the 2 year contract, he'd be cut long before he could put up this 2011 stat line:

1-4 record, 4.78 ERA, 53.2 innings, 39 strikeouts and be just as terrifying to watch as the Izey Bird in Cass Street Park.

I'm not looking forward to watching LaTroy Hawkins in 2011. He could defy my expectations and have a great year. But we do know that the as long as he is healthy the Brewers will keep running him out there until he is Jeff Suppan bad and they have no choice but to cut him and eat the remainder of his contract. But one player that I am excited to watch is Brewers closer John Axford. I feel like I've seen this guy before. Hard throwing righty. Battled control problems in the minors. Bounced around from team to team. Signed by the Brewers. Signature hair. Closer. Yeah I'm talking about Derrick Turnbow. The Brewers are putting a lot of faith in Axford that he doesn't turn out like Turnbow, but like all things only time will tell on this one. But like Turnbow before him I'm going to sit back and enjoy the ride because Axford is a guy that has a great personality and makes the games exciting. But does that make him a great pitcher on a playoff contending team? I'm not sure, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!

- pookon -

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