I can't help but make fun of Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun. He makes it way too damn easy. Sure, he's probably the best player on the team (which is debatable) which should make him exempt from ridicule, but if there is one thing that I have learned in my travels is that no one is exempt. I have personally seen verbal attacks on babies, older people with terminal diseases (why don't you make a wish for better seats) and grown men who could easily defend themselves. It doesn't matter who you are, your age, race, gender, religious beliefs, or any other label your can put on a person - I will make fun of you. I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's because I got made fun of a lot when I was a kid all through high school. Maybe I'm just a big jerk and I have a black heart unable to share love with other people. And maybe I do it to mask my own insecurities. But with Braun I think that I do it simply because he sets himself up too much for me to knock him down. It would be criminal not to take advantage of the situations presented to me by Ryan Braun.Everybody knows how good at baseball he is. Rookie of the Year in 2007. 3 time All Star. 3 time Silver Slugger award winner (given to the best offensive player at each position). 128 HRs, 420 RBIs, 711 hits and a .307 batting average in his 4 year career. And despite some defensive problems that earned him a position change from 3rd base to left field, he has actually become a fairly good defender in the outfield thanks to his athleticism and powerful arm. So there is really nothing to hate about him, until you consider his off the field activities. Braun is perhaps the most vocal off all the players and constantly mouths off to the media about the lack of a pitching staff, the god damn shadows that prevent him from seeing the ball during day games and any other little thing that bothers him. So I'm going to mouth off about the things that bother me about Ryan Braun.
I don't have to say anything that the pictures in this blog entry don't already say. Ryan Braun looks like a complete douche bag. I don't know whether it is his loud tight t-shirt with multi-colored skulls (which he helped design that come from his clothing line at Remetee that you can buy at the Buckle, the Jersey Shore and the website http://www.remetee.com/) or his $64 dollar gelled up haircut. Or it could be his playboy lifestyle and penthouse apartment. Perhaps it's that he spends more time picking out the appetizers at his restaurant and designing the decor than he spends working on his batting average in day games. Ryan Braun gives us more that enough material for Kevin and I to sit in the left field bleachers and heckle him like those two old bastards in the Muppets. We're pretty loud and obnoxious too so I know that on low attended games Braun can hear every word that we are saying. He probably hates us but I don't give a shit. In essence I pay his salary, and as his boss I have the right to tell him exactly what I think about him. And as you can see from the video below that Kevin and I did, we have more than a few choice words to impart on Mr. Braun for the 2011 season.
But before you go thinking that I hate Ryan Braun it's the complete opposite. Even though I was the man who once shouted out, "Hey Braunie! Next time why don't ya use Google Maps and find a better route!" after he got turned around and totally misplayed a flyball running back towards the wall that ended up falling for a double. But don't misconstrue that as hatred. You know how you mess with your friends and constantly insult them and their mothers? You do it because you love them and you know that they can take it and reply with clever comebacks. And for the most part they know that you aren't serious about it. Now there are always lines that can be crossed, but for the most part I don't think that I cross them on purpose. Now I may make a joke about down syndrome or hanging myself in the presence of someone who was close to that situation (either friend or family) and offend that person, but I don't do it on purpose. Though I probably shouldn't be joking about shit like that anyway because it's no laughing matter. But often I'm quick witted that I just say the first thing that comes in my head instead of thinking about the consequences of my actions. My mouth gets me in a whole lot of trouble, and I guarantee you that many an usher or police officer will tell me to sit down, shut up! and families will move to different sections to get away from us.But to be quite honest with you I would probably hate everything about him if I wasn't a fan of the Milwaukee Brewers. It's like that friend you have that's a complete asshole but you put up with him because he's your asshole. Some things you just learn to deal with. And if Braun is going to put up these kind of numbers I will have no problem dealing with him in 2011:
.313 AVG, 33 HRs, 108 RBIs, 102 runs scored, heavily involved in creating the new Italian dishes and appetizers at Graffito and getting a restraining order against the two lunatics in the left field bleachers who keep harassing him.
So while all of the other Brewers fans may be totally in love with Ryan Braun, there's one player that no one really loves. Centerfielder Carlos Gomez came exactly as advertised - speedy defensive player, a plus arm with no accuracy and poor plate discipline leading to the inability to get on base - so I don't see what everyone is bitching about. And even though 2 teams (the Mets and the Twins) have already given up on him, I'm going to make my first bold prediction for the 2011 season - Carlos Gomez is going to have a breakout year. But what exactly is a breakout year for a player who sports a career .247 AVG with a .293 OBP to go with 17 career HRs and 123 RBIs? I'd tell you right now, but that my friends, is a topic that will be covered tomorrow. Roll out the Barrel! We'll have a Barrel of Fun!
- pookon -
www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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