Back in March I decided to try and change my life. I was going through a depressing rough patch and I figured it would be easy to turn it around by thinking positively and setting achievable goals. I picked a small task to accomplish or something to focus on and I gave myself a week of time to do it. Some things were as simple as not watching TV or Movies for a week so I could focus on writing. One week I decided to become a Vegetarian so I could know what it was like to be my sister Jenny. Perhaps the best one I did was where I donated money to different charities and explained why I did them. If you don't remember them or if you never read them you can check those articles out on the right side of the page under Pookon's Ill Labels under the category "7 in 7". The reason that I bring those up is because for the most part they were all serious and I intended to actually change my life for the better by trying new things or refraining from doing things that were holding me back or bringing me down. This episode of "7 in 7" is nothing like the other ones. But that is what makes this one so good.
I'm about to go bananas. Literally. Although I did intend to use it as a metaphor as well. For the next week I'm not going to eat anything except for bananas and I'm not going to drink anything except for water. I know going into this that this is extremely bad for my body and I probably won't make it a week. But seeing as I put my body through worse things such as daily cocktails, sugary snacks and no exercise I think my body can handle this. If it hasn't given up by now it certainly won't give up this week. But I can assure you (for those of you at home who are concerned about my health and well being) that if my health is compromised and I start feel ill due to the effects of eating nothing but bananas I will stop. I hate to be a quitter but this experiment is about going crazy, not hurting myself.
And that's the reason behind going bananas. It's not just about eating the delicious yellow fruit for a week. I'm seriously losing my mind here. Life is, for lack of a better way of saying it, fucked up. Ever since Timmy died I haven't been right. Of course not. How does one person lose their brother and their best friend and come out of it without having problems? But my issue is that I don't really deal with them for the most part and a year and a half later I'm going crazy. I've sunk into a level of madness that consumes me and prevents me from going to sleep at night. But here's the thing - I don't have any problem sleeping. It's not like I have insomnia or anything or a condition that prevents me from sleeping. It 's the fact that I don't want to. I'm afraid of what happens when I sleep. I'm afraid of my dreams. As you are probably well aware I am a highly creative person. While this ability does allow me to do a lot of good like come up with entertaining lines and ideas as well as write some pretty random passages on this blog it also allows me to go to some pretty dark places. When I am conscious I can usually block out the bad thoughts and images but when I am asleep I am helpless to stop it. I've had some pretty upsetting dreams, ones that made me wake up in the middle of the night crying. I have the ability to conjure up some of the most upsetting things that would occur in my life. Yes these are just dreams, but what if these are visions of things to come? What if I am suffering through premonitions of a future yet to come? What if I can't stop it? These are the things that scare me the most.
This is Day 1. Insanity begins here. When I start to lose it in a few days you can trace it back to this starting point. But make sure that you do follow along with me on this blog and on my Twitter account if you want to sit in the sidecar on the descent into utter madness. I have no idea where this is going to end up. All that I know is that if this is anything like my wicked dreams, then buckle up because we're in for one fucked up and terrible ride.
Bananas Consumed: 1
- pookon -
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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