Saturday, December 29, 2012

"25 Brewers in 25 Days" - 2012 Recap - Offense

If you have been following along with my Milwaukee Brewers coverage here on the blog, then you know that this is my favorite segment of the entire baseball year. In here I get to compare my preseason predictions with the player's final actual totals and see how close I was. I like to think that I'm close to being a Brewers expert as a  fan can be even though I will admit that I've lost a couple of steps in the last few years do to life changes. When Timmy died I reassessed my priorities and put more of my focus on other aspects of my life and took some energy and attention away from the Brewers. I still love this team and I always will, but I figured out that this is just a game and it isn't life. I stopped fluctuating up and down with the team's wins and losses and instead maintained an even keel during what turned out to be a rollercoaster of a season. I touched on the offense during my 2012 Overall Recap so hopefully you read that article. I'm not going to rehash those stats but basically the Brewers Offense led the NL in Homeruns, RBIs and Stolen Bases and were 5th in Batting Average. But it didn't look that way in the first few months of the season. Thanks to slow starts by Rickie Weeks and Aramis Ramirez they struggled to consistently score runs and were frustrating to watch. Some nights they would come out like gangbusters and score 8 or 9 runs and the next night would get shut out. Coupled with a pitching staff (especially the bullpen) that also struggled led to them falling below .500 in April and remaining there until they went on that hot streak in August.

By the time the offense and the lineup straightened itself out this offense was simply dominating. Gamel's injury opened up a spot at 1st for Corey Hart and a spot in RF for Norichika Aoki, and both of those players took advantage of the every day playing time. Aoki became the leadoff hitter that we've been looking for and Hart became quite a force batting behind Ramirez. Lucroy and Braun both had career years and there were even some nice surprises thrown in the mix to make it look like 2013 is going to be a banner year for this team at least on the offensive side of the ball. But before we start looking ahead let's take a look back at the individuals who made up the 2012 team that you either loved or hated depending on which month you chose to watch them.

So let's scratch our balls, toss a wad of big league chew in our mouths and ride the pine as we cozy up to the players who made up the Brewers offense in 2012. Every player that I included in my "25 in 25" preview gets a little shout-out below but I've also decided to add any player that had a "cup of tea" in the Majors or who should be a factor on the 2013 team. Although this is a wrap-up of the 2012 season it is sort of a preview to the 2013 season, so I need to cover all of my bases (yeah! baseball analogy!) when it comes to the players on this roster. So without further ado, I present to you the men who had an impact on the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers. Or at least the ones who had an impact on the offensive and defensive side of the ball. Strap in pal. You're in for a wicked ride.

Mat Gamel, 1B
Preseason Prediction: .271 batting avg, 18 HRs, 63 RBIs, better range and defense at 1st base than Prince Fielder and putting his Nashville Apartment up for rent
2012 Actual: .246 batting avg, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 69 at bats and he did look like a damn good 1st baseman before the injury. But he might want to hold on to his Nashville Apartment just a little bit longer because he doesn't really have a guaranteed spot on this team in 2013


In 2012, "One T Mat" as I like to call him, was poised to finally prove why he was so revered within the Brewers organization. He was a man without a position, as he was blocked at 3rd base by Casey McGee in previous years and currently by Aramis Ramirez. Because of that he played in the outfield but didn't really have a shot at the majors out there. In 2011 at AAA Nashville he played the entire season at 1st Base because Doug Melvin and the Brewers front office knew they wouldn't be able to sign Prince Fielder once he hit free agency, and that became crystal clear when he signed a 9-year, $214 million dollar contract with the Detroit Tigers. I wish that the was the last time I am going to mention Fielder but the big man cast a pretty big shadow over there at 1st base. Gam-bone seemed like he was ready to take the throne with a decent start to the 2012 season. His power numbers didn't come around yet but you could already tell that he was better defensively at 1st as far as quickness and range. You had the feeling that he was about to break out on offense now that he was settled in on defense but then on Tuesday, May 1st he crashed into the wall at San Diego's Petco Park, tore his ACL and was out for the rest of the year. 

While I was excited to see what Gamel would bring to the plate, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it opened up 1st Base for Corey Hart and Right Field for Norichika Aoki, who both went on to have outstanding years. While I never want to see a player suffer a season ending injury, Gamel's absence from the lineup answered a lot of questions for the 2013 season. Well, it answered every question except for one - what shall we do with Gamel in 2013? He's too good for AAA and is a man without a position in the Majors. He'll probably stick around on the bench as a pinch hitter and backup 1st/3rd/LF/RF player but won't get enough consistent at bats  to realize his full potential. Like Manny Parra before him, he might always be remembered as a much-hyped prospect who would have been something had he just stayed healthy or put it all together. Time will tell for Gamel, but I wouldn't hold your breathe waiting. He's no longer an impact player. 2012 was supposed to be his break-out year. Instead it proved to be his broken year.

Rickie Weeks, 2B
Preseason Prediction: .268 batting avg, 24 HRs, 58 RBIs, .355 OBP (On Base Percentage), 90 runs scored, 18 stolen bases and continue to be the quiet clubhouse leader

2012 Actual: .230 batting avg, 21 HRs, 63 RBIs, .328 OBP, 85 runs scored, 16 stolen bases and the epitome of team player as he worked through his struggles by maintaining a hard working and professional attitude


I love me some Rickie Weeks. The term Man-Crush was developed for a reason because I love this man, but not in a gay way. I've said it on here a million times before but somehow I feel the need to say it again - I'm Weeks' biggest supporter and I'm always going to be in his corner even when the rest of the city wants to run him out of town. As his biggest fan, 2012 was a very difficult time for me as everyone was really quick to point out that he didn't have a very good year. In fact, he didn't even have a good year. Hell, I bet he would have settled for average. He straddled the line between awful and subpar, but at the end of the day was still a huge factor in the Brewers' offensive resurgence in the 2nd half. There is this saying that as Weeks goes, so do the Brewers. And that couldn't be more true in 2012. Like Rickie Weeks, the Brewers' offense really is a tale of two seasons: Pre All-Star Game he had a .199 batting avg, .314 OBP, 8 HRs and 29 RBIs and 34 runs scored. After the All-Star Game he improved with a .261 batting avg, .343 OBP, 13 HRs, 34 RBIs and 51 runs scored. That's a world of difference that can be measured in the win/loss column as the team struggled for most of the year and didn't climb back above .500 until the 2nd week of September. 

If you didn't believe me before about how important he is to this team then I'm hoping that you will now. I don't really need to go on and on about how much I love Rickie Weeks because I do too much of that in my every day life. I have multiple posters of Brewers players up in my cubicle at work and a girl asked me which one was the most attractive. Without skipping a beat I blurted out Rickie Weeks, not realizing how gay it was that I was so quick to offer my opinion and also not to reply with the straight man's answer of none of the above. Rickie has a chiseled physique and has some sweet ass dreadlocks, so what's not to love? I guess if you are scared of liking guys then you will be a little squeamish with this talk but I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit that I love Rickie Weeks and I hope that he stays in Milwaukee for his entire career. In all seriousness though I believe that he is the silent leader in the clubhouse, the glue that holds this ship together if you will. 2012 was a really tough year for him but at no time did you hear him blame anyone but himself or complain about anything. Weeks is a model teammate and I have no doubt that he will bounce back in a big way in 2013. I may be blinded by love, but you have seen time and time again here on this blog that I am usually right. I don't know much about History. Don't know much about Biology. Don't know much about science books. Don't know much about the French I took. All I do know is that I love Weeks. And I wonder if you love Weeks too. What a wonderful world this would be...

Alex Gonzalez, SS

Preseason Prediction: .240 batting avg, 18HRs, 62 RBIs, .285 OBP and slick defense that will make you forget all about Yuni B

2012 Actual: .259 batting avg, 4 HRs, 15 RBIs, .326 OBP, 24 games played  and some of the best defensive work that I have seen up the middle since JJ Hardy


I wasn't expecting much from Alex Gonzalez in 2012. In fact, I was just hoping that he would be offensively similar to Yuniesky Betancourt but with above average defense. And up until May 5th he was proving that he was a damn fine one year stop gap until another player rose to the occasion. When the Brewers traded away Alcides Escobar in the 1st Greinke deal they essentially traded away their future at the shortstop position. A glaring hole opened up in the organization and that is why they signed this 35 year old veteran. He came exactly as advertised if not better and was one of the few players who was hot during the first few weeks of the season when the offense was struggling big time. One of the reasons why the offense had a hard time clicking was because of the rotating door at several positions until a clear candidate stepped forward. Shortstop was a prime example of that. 

Gonzalez was perfect for this team - he played excellent defense and he did just enough on offense to compliment the players around him. When he went down with a torn ACL the shortstop position went down with him. Caesar Itzturis and Cody Ransom were not acceptable replacements and it took until the acquisition of Jean Segura to right the ship. By then it was a case of too little too late for this position and it seems like Gonzalez's career in Milwaukee was short-lived. In 2013 we need an experienced backup for the young Segura but I think Gonzalez is still good enough to get a starting job somewhere. Segura has proved during the latter half of 2012 and during the Dominican Winter League that he belongs in the Majors as a starting shortstop so Gonzalez will end up somewhere else. It's a shame though because I really liked him. But had he not been injured, the team might not have tanked and Greinke might have not been traded, meaning that we would not have Segura who will be our shortstop for the next 6 years. Things sometimes work out for the best and this is a prime example of seeing the West Bend Silver Lining in even the worst of scenarios.

Aramis Ramirez, 3B

Preseason Prediction: .289 batting avg, 29 HRs, 90 RBIs, .354 OBP, better defense than Casey McGehee and hated rival to celebrated hero just by changing the name on the front of his shirt
2012 Actual: .300 batting avg, 27 HRs, 105 RBIs, .360 OBP, Gold Glove caliber defense and 1/2 of the best duo in all of baseball


Aramis Ramirez came exactly as advertised. He put up stats similar to his career numbers which helped to fill the rather large void in the couch that Prince Fielder's ass cheeks used to occupy. He was the prototypical clean up hitter in so many ways and provided more than ample protection batting behind Ryan Braun. Even though his homerun total (27) was down compared to what Fielder had in 2011 (36) Ramirez hit 50 doubles and was only 15 RBI shy of Fielder's 2011 total of 120. There was absolutely nothing wrong with his 2012 final numbers after 162 games. But the problem was that he came exactly as advertised and along with those numbers was the fact that he is a slow starter and warms up as the weather does. In April he batted .214 with 2 HRs and 10 RBIs. He was a better in May with a .274 avg, 3 HRs and 20 RBIs. As the season went on so did Ramirez's offensive production: June - .295  avg, 4 HR and 15 RBIs. July - .373 avg, 4 HR and 21 RBIs. August - .305 avg, 8 HRs and 20 RBIs. September/October - .321 avg, 6 HR and 19 RBIs. Normally I hate throwing a shit ton of stats at you because it doesn't make for good reading material. But in this case I needed them to help me prove my point. But it doesn't really matter because I'm guessing most of you have already tapped out by now. I don't blame you. I write way too god damn much.  

But that is business as usual around these parts. The other thing I wanted to mention about Ramirez is how much I grew to love him simply because he was a member of our team. From 2004-2011 I couldn't stand the guy because he was a member of the hated Chicago Cubs. Funny what a uniform change will do, eh? All that changed were the colors and the name on the front and suddenly he's like my favorite player. I yell out "Let's go Rami!" and I'm probably going to get his jersey this offseason. Which goes to show you that I hate the team and the city and really don't have anything against the players themselves. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. One time in my life I tried to figure that one out and during a Ouija session I called upon the ghost of Chris Farley and tried to get some advice. He didn't tell me anything. His ghost however did fall through the coffee table in a rousing stunt of physical comedy and we all convulsed with laughter. Needless to say I am still searching for the reasons why I do the things that I do. One thing the Brewers won't be searching for is a new 3rd basemen, as Ramirez is signed for another two years. If he puts up numbers similar to this we don't worry about nothin'. The word is nothing. ING. There's a G on the end. Ok. Okaaaaaaaay. NothinnnnnnG. And don't even bother worrying about his defense even though he is 34 years old and is in the decline of his career. Though he lacks the range he used to have his arm is still there. He only had 7 errors all season long which was a career low. He got snubbed on a Gold Glove award but it is hard to believe he'll match this next year. Either way I'm glad he's a Brewer and not a Cub. I don't wish being a Cub upon anyone. Not even my worst enemy. Maybe Dolphins. I wish Dolphins were Cubs. Smug bastards.

Ryan Braun, LF

Preseason Prediction: .299 batting average, 28 HRs, 105 RBIs, 25 stolen bases, 145 games played and bothered by more distractions than a kid with Attention Deficit Disorder

2012 Actual: .319 batting avg, 41 HRs, 112 RBIs, 30 stolen bases, 154 games played, .391 OBP and the best player in all of Major League Baseball if not the greatest Milwaukee Brewers player of all time.


This is the last entry I'm writing in this 2012 Milwaukee Brewers offense. Normally I don't like to give you a peak behind the curtain to see how I operate because I like to preserve a little bit of the mystery, but I had to tell you why I am struggling with writing this. It's no surprise around here that I'm not exactly what you would call a Ryan Braun fan. I appreciate everything he does for my team and I would entertain the notion that he is possibly the best overall player in the entire MLB but nothing can ever convince me to truly love him. Not even an MVP-type season that was better than his actual MVP season that was done while everyone watched him under a microscope and booed him when he came to play at their stadiums. What Ryan Braun did in 2012 with the kind of pressure he was facing is nothing short of amazing and although the NL MVP Buster Posey's team (San Francisco Giants) made the playoffs and Braun's did not, I still feel like he got shafted on that one. Too many people let that whole "positive test for synthetic testosterone and eventual overturning by an arbitrator" thing influence their decision when casting their votes. That happened in October of 2011. Did he fail a test in 2012. Noooooooo. Then why do you have to give him shit for it? Especially after he followed the proper steps by hiring a lawyer and successfully appealing the positive test results and getting it overturned. Braun was just playing by the rules as set up by Major League Baseball and he is the one who pays for it? That's fucking ridiculous. I can't even believe that I'm standing up for the guy right now. I don't know Ryan Braun. I've never eaten at any of his restaurants. I've never worn any of his silver dragon Remetee t-shirts. I've never tried his Limelite energy drink. I've never had sex with his fiancee, model Larisa Fraser, even though she keeps begging me to join them in a 3 way. I just can't do it. Come to think about it the only reason I like Brauny at all is because he's on my team. Otherwise I probably wouldn't be able to stand the guy. He's just too damn perfect.

His .319 average was 3rd in the NL behind Posey (Giants, .336) and Andrew McCutchen (Pirates, .327), his 41 homeruns led the NL, he was 2nd in RBIs to Chase Headley (Padres, 115), 2nd in hits with 191 to McCutchen (Pittsburgh, 194) 8th in stolen bases with 30, led the NL with a .987 OPS (On Base % Plus Slugging %), played above average defense and was only the 9th player in the history of baseball to have a 40/30 season (at least 40 homeruns and 30 stolen bases) joining players like Alfonso Soriano (2006), Jeff Bagwell (1999 and 1997), Alex Rodriguez (1998), Barry Bonds (1997 and 1996), Larry Walker (1997), Ellis Burks (1996), Jose Canseco (1988) and Hank Aaron, who was the first one to do it in 1963. Say what you will about that stat or the players who accomplished it, but that is pretty amazing to be in such small company. It really shows his versatility as a player and his overall value to the team. The Brewers would be alright without him but he elevates them to the best offense in the National League. We thought we would miss Prince Fielder and that Braun would struggle without him but instead he has his best season ever. That just goes to show you how good this cat is. I don't have to like him or agree with any of his business ventures but I respect the shit out of him. I don't like to wear his jersey and wish that I didn't own any of them but seeing as how he is 5 time All Star (with the likelihood of many more to come) there may only be one option every summer when I purchase the new All Star Jersey. But seeing as how I've outsized myself from 2x clothing (which is the largest size they make the jerseys in) I won't have to worry about wearing it too often. That's probably for the best anyway. I don't need some asshole shouting, "Hey fat guy! What did you do, eat Ryan Braun and then steal his jersey?" I try to avoid that if possible. Maybe that's also why I  don't leave the house for fear of being heckled by The Normies. Anyhoo I think it's about time I wrapped this up for now. I don't have anything left to say about Braun because his numbers really say it all. And even though I have issues with him personally or the fact that he was associated with cheating put my team in a bad light I'm going to base it all on the stats now. That's how I'll judge Braun. Put up good numbers and me and you don't have any issues. But I'll probably still heckle you from the left field bleachers. Sorry pal. That's what I do.

Nyjer Morgan, OF

Preseason Prediction: .290 batting avg, .342 OBP, 3 HRs, 34 RBIs and at least 5 new Alter Egos to go with his myriad of personalities

2012 Actual: .239 batting avg, .302 OBP, 3 HRs, 16 RBIs, and only 1 alter ego in 2012 - Tony Hush from the 2011 Season

Was there a more disappointing offensive player on the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers than Nyjer Morgan? One might argue that Rickie Week's year was a bigger disappointment but when you look at his overall numbers, they're really not all that bad. But Morgan's were. Granted he isn't as big of a piece to the puzzle that Weeks is but after the banner year he had in 2011 we were at least counting on him to contribute. Morgan did just about nothing. Nothing on the field, nothing off of hit. His eclectic personalities that the fans had come to love like Tony Plush and Tony Tombstone were virtually absent like they got a group rate on some Caribbean holiday and decided to stay for the summer. For a moment I honestly forgot that he was even on the team because he had such a huge impact on the team in 2011. From his hilarious interviews with Telly Hughes (ahhh! gotta go!) to the game winning hit (I just tickled it into the outfield) in NLDS Game 5 against the Diamondbacks, Morgan had developed a cult following. But he was nowhere to be found in 2012 and Plush-mania had disappeared completely. That just goes to show how things must come together perfectly and random players need to step up and have break out career years for a team to have great success. One of the reasons why Carlos Gomez had such a good year was because Nyjer Morgan had such a bad year and Manager Ron Roenicke had no choice but to play Gomez despite his lack of production against right handed pitchers. Morgan and Gomez were part of a very successful platoon in 2011 but Morgan found himself sitting quietly on the bench for most of the year. Thankfully he didn't bitch and moan or throw a bag of balls out on the field because in the past he has shown to be a somewhat of a problem child. When he doesn't get his way he acts out like a little baby and becomes a huge distraction. He could have done that but he chose not to. Call it late maturity or acceptance but Morgan could have been a problem and he wasn't. Granted he was kind of a waste of space because he wasn't producing anything worthwhile so it would have been uncharacteristic for him to actually do anything even if history suggests otherwise. Well thanks for 2011 Nyjer Morgan. But you won't be missed. At least not by this guy.

Corey Hart, RF/1B

Preseason Prediction: .287 batting average, 27 HRs, 95 RBIs, .347 OBP, 10 stolen bases and a one year pass from my heckling

2012 Actual: .270 batting avg, 30 HRs, 83 RBIs, .334 OBP, 5 stolen bases and a lifetime pass from my heckling because he will forevermore be #1 on the field, #1 in my Hart

I don't know why I had such a problem with Corey Hart. Well that's incorrect. I still do remember the exact moment when I started having an issue with him and the fallout that came from that. All one needs to do is check out my Corey Hart is a Bitch article to see why I had a problem. But I'm done having problems with him because he's actually a pretty good baseball player. I'll try to sum up the issues that I had with him in the past - he's inconsistent on offense, overpaid and poor defensively in right field. Now let me address them. His up and down complete seasons has led me to believe that he is only good in even years. And even then he will go on a 2-3 week tear and then take the next 5 weeks off. When he's hot he hits homeruns in bunches and can carry the team but when he's not he strikes out and leaves a ton of men on base. But that's not a problem because he's not the top producer on offense on this team. One can even argue that he's the 5th most important player behind Braun, Ramirez, Lucroy and Weeks. When you have an offense that was the top in the NL you can handle one player being streaky. So I no longer have an issue with him on offense as long as he lays off that pitch low and outside, which is what he started doing last season which allowed him to be as productive as he was. 

As far as his salary, which is around $10 million per year, I can't really be upset with that anymore. Does he deserve that much money? No. Does anyone? Not really. But the free agent market dictates what a player's salary will be and on the open market he would sign a contract for $10 million a year based upon his stats. That's what a right fielder / first baseman of his caliber would make these days. So you can't fault the guy for getting paid the average for his skill set and position. Is he overpaid? Yes, but so is every other player in baseball and sports for that matter. Is it going to change? Nope. So I have decided to just shut up and deal with it. And finally his defense. It is in my opinion that he was a below average right fielder. He lacked the range and speed to cover a lot of ground and his arm is nothing special. You would think that with his 6'6" frame he would be able to jump and catch balls or lay out for them better. Not necessarily. That's because he's not a great athlete. He lacks the baseball knowledge and instinct that seems to come so easily to players like Gomez, Aoki and Braun. But after Mat Gamel went down for the season he was moved to 1st base. That is where he thrived and looked natural. Remember that 6'6" frame that was all awkward and gangely in the field? You put that same person at 1st base and you have one hell of a target to throw at. His height and wingspan saved errant throws and also allowed him to dive at balls that normally would have gotten through to the outfield. It was insane. He was so good at 1st base you could have sworn he was playing there every day for his entire life. I gained so much respect for Hart and even campaigned for him to win a Gold Glove for his performance. So now when I say #1 on the field, #1 in your Harts I actually mean my heart. Yep I'll admit it - I love Corey Hart. Not in a gay way. But enough for me to forgive him for anything he's done in the past. He had a real solid 2012 and despite 2013 being an odd year, I feel like he's going to repeat that next year and break the curse of the evens. I would bet my newly acquired Corey Hart Fan Club membership on it.

Jonathon Lucroy, C

Preseason Prediction: .275 batting average, 20 HRs, 75 RBIs, 130 games and a new fan favorite

2012 Actual: .320 batting avg, 12 HRs, 58 RBIs, 96 games played and the 2nd most popular player on the team as evident by the chorus of "Luuuuuuuuuuuc" screams

I had predicted a big year for Lucroy and it probably would have happened if not for a freak injury that cut his season short at only 96 games played. Until the injury happened around May 28 he was the 2nd best offensive player (behind Braun) and was leading the league with something like .500 batting average with runners in scoring position, which was insane. A lot of things went wrong for the Brewers in 2012 but I held out hope through the first 2 months until Lucroy's injury. That was the nail in the coffin for me. Up until that point Weeks, Ramirez and Gomez hadn't got going yet and it was the Braun and Lucroy show. Even though Brauny seems like he's superhuman, he couldn't do it alone and the Lucroy injury hurt hard. A lot of fans had an issue with it because he claims his wife accidentally nudged a suitcase which fell off of the bed onto his hand, breaking it and sidelining him for 2 months. They have good cause to be skeptical because his injury is classified as a "Boxer's Fracture" which is the breaking of the 4th and/or 5th metacarpal bone in the hand and it usually caused by the impact of a clenched fist with a skull or a hard, immovable object, such as a wall. If the suitcase was rather heavy (which it would have been considering they were on a 7-game West Coast roadtrip) and his fist was clenched it might have been enough force to break it. But so would swinging at your wife's face, missing and hitting the wall instead. Just saying. 

When Lucroy came back in late July the Brewers were 10 games under .500 and on a 7 game losing streak. Is it coincidence that with him back in the lineup the Brewers went on that crazy run in August on September to eventually finish above .500? Nope. That's because they missed his bat big time in the lineup and because he also calls a good game behind the plate. I have no problem with Martin Maldonado and in fact I really like the kid, but I want Lucroy back there 5 out of every 7 games. It's outstanding to have not just one but TWO great catchers so this is finally one of the positions we don't have to worry about for the next few years. As long as Lucroy stops beating up on everybody. Bullies don't win man and eventually your fist will break instead of breaking their face. Oh wait, that already happened. So stop hitting people and start hitting baseballs because we need you on the diamond, not in jail. The fans love yelling "Luuuuuuuuuuc" and they don't want to yell out to each other "Luuuuuuuuc out!" when you start swinging wildly like a kid with a temper tantrum. Think of your future. Think of the children. And think about the Brewers. They need you. I need you. Just stop hitting me.

Carlos Gomez, OF

Preseason Prediction: .238 batting avg, 7 HRs, 23 RBIs, .288 OBP and the finest defense that you will see down in the valley

2012 Actual: .260 batting avg, 19 HRs, 51 RBIs, .305 OBP, 37 stolen bases  and slick defense that no doubt kept him in the lineup nearly every single game

I had given up on Carlos Gomez, and for good reason too. Anyone who had been watching him over the last few seasons knows how frustrating it has been to see him waste all of that talent. Gomez is the fastest sum'bitch on the team and tears up the dirt around the base paths. The only problem is that he could never get on base to do it. His defense kept him in the lineup because you could bury him in the 7th spot and he would end up saving you runs. But he wasn't helping to create any. And then something happened. Somehow something clicked and Gomez had an incredible year. Or at least incredible by his career averages. First off he hit .260 which is great for someone batting in the lower half of the best offense in the National League. Because his average increased so did his on base percentage, and he was able to steal 37 (I'm 37!?!) bases which comes as kind of a shock to me even though I know he's faster than me taking down a frozen pizza when I'm drunk. I just don't remember seeing him steal that much without ending up on the FBI's 20 Most Wanted List. He kind of did it quietly, probably because most people expected him to fail. His power numbers also increased and did so without hurting his average and OBP, which too surprised the shit out of me. To sum it up, in 2012 Gomez became the player that I have wanted him to be since he first arrived on this team. Maybe he just needed consistent playing time and a healthy number of at bats (415 in 2012 versus 231 in 2011 and 291 in 2010) to be able to succeed. This wouldn't be the first time we've seen a player do well when they are finally given a chance to be an everyday starter. But we also have to remember in the past that Gomez didn't really give Brewers' Managers a good reason to start him before. Nyjer Morgan's disappearing act also led to Gomez's starting chances so I guess we'll see what happens when he faces some competition for the starting center fielder job. I hate to base my new opinions on just one year, but after a year like 2012, center field is Carlos Gomez's job to lose.  

Norichika Aoki, OF
Preseason Prediction: .285 batting avg, 2 HRs, 20 RBIs and hopefully as crazy as Tanaka in Major League II so that Bob Uecker can come up with some more insanely funny lines like "So, Hiroshi "Kamikaze" Tanaka, recently of the Tokyo Giants, knocks himself cold for the second time this week. Maybe in Japan, that's actually better than catching the ball. Personally, I think he's just trying to get out of the lineup."
2012 Actual: .288 batting avg, .355 OBP, 10 HRs, 50 RBIs, 30 stolen bases, the best Kamikaze bunter on the team and given the nickname of "The Little Jap Who Could" by me. Sorry that I'm not as funny as Bob Uecker. It's not fair. No one is.

When the Brewers announced they had posted the winning bid of $2.5 million to negotiate with the Tokyo Yakult Swallows for Aoki's services I couldn't believe it. This allowed them to sign him to a 2 year $2.25 million with a 3rd year option plus incentives that could push it to a little over $8 million when all is said and done. That's a hell of a steal if you consider that they are paying $2.7 million a year for a guy who's gonna bat .285, steal 30 bases and drive in 50 RBIs out of the leadoff spot. This Japanese import proved his worth more times over than a Toyota Corolla and he even has as many miles on his tires. At 30 years old he is hardly a rookie although MLB qualifies his as that. In Japan he was a 7 time All Star, 3 time batting champion and a 6 time Gold Glove winner. While it would be hard to ask him to do things like that while adjusting to American baseball he still did a damn fine job. And to think if not for the injury to Mat Gamel causing Corey Hart to be moved to 1st he might have sat on the bench all year. Imagine this underwater earthquake riding the pine just itching to become a land conquering tsunami. But things always have a way of working out for the best and Aoki swept across the land tearing up everything his path and emerged as a bright light in an otherwise dark season. Rickie Weeks and Corey Hart have been leading off for the Brewers over the past few years because there weren't any more options and both were poor fits for the spot. Weeks strikes out too much (plus has too much power to be wasted there) and Hart doesn't get on base enough (and doesn't steal when he does get on base). 

Enter Aoki, who suddenly impacted the Brewers lineup like a surprise attack on Pearl Harbor. He shifted everyone back into their most productive spot and it's no surprise that the offense started clicking when everyone was used properly. I said at the beginning of the season that Aoki should be playing every day and although it took them too long to figure it out, in the end they listened to me like they should. I might have to appoint myself chief adviser of baseball operations for the Milwaukee Brewers so they don't drop another bomb and therefor eradicating another season. I can't sit through another 2012 where my hopes were higher than they have ever been only to see them crash and burn and then rise from the ashes. With my poor health I can't take those kinds of ups and downs without ending up in the hospital. Aoki had a great year in 2012 and your can expect more great things from this guy. When the Doc questioned the performance of a microchip in The DeLorean because it was made in Japan, Marty McFly said, "What do you mean, Doc? All the best stuff is made in Japan." If you aren't going to believe me than at least believe Marty McFly. Aside from not being able to think 4th Dimensionally and losing his cool whenever someone calls him 'chicken' he's pretty level headed for a teenager. You can't blame him for considering banging his Mom or hanging out with some crazy wild eyed scientist. He's just a kid who is trying to break the stigma that no McFly will ever amount to anything in the history of Hill Valley. And I'm just a kid trying to take a look back on the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers. And I do know what little success they did have was partly thanks to Norichika Aoki. 

George Kottaras, C

Preseason Prediction: .225 batting avg, 6 HRs, 22 RBIs, .300 OBP, 32 games played and the best damn accountant in the entire world

2012 Actual: .209 batting avg, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, .409 OBP, 58 games played (24 games started) and so good at Accounting that his trade value increased when a small market team had a need both at catcher and in managing their finances

Going into the season I didn't have a problem with George "The Accountant" Kottaras. Since he was the backup catcher he wasn't expected to play much and was a good power option off of the bench. I started having a problem with him when he was thrust into the starter's role when Jonathon Lucroy had his mysterious hand injury and was sidelined for a couple months. While he is really good at keeping the team's finances in order, he isn't good enough to be an everyday player. But the real knock against him is that he isn't very good defensively both blocking pitches and throwing runners out. All you ask out of your catcher is to call a good game a play defense. Whatever offense you get out them is a plus. A backup can hit .209 and get away with it but I demand more out of the catching position from the starter. Lucroy's injury did pave the way for Martin Maldonado to come up to the big leagues and he emerged as one of the bright spots in 2012. More on him later. But he did so well that when Lucroy returned from his hand injury in late July, Kottaras was expendable and was traded to the Oakland A's. And after 2 1/2 seasons in Milwaukee they will have to find someone else to cook the books. All in all he wasn't that bad of a backup catcher but I prefer the Mighty Martin. And just like when I buy myself a Christmas present, I will get what I wished for.

Cesar Izturis, IF

Preseason Prediction: .242 batting avg, 2 HRs, 15 RBIs, decent defense at 2nd, 3rd and shortstop and less interesting than a mongoose

2012 Actual: .235 batting avg, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, I guess you can label his defense as decent but he definitely was less interesting than a mongoose, ferret, prairie dog or any other small mammal

The only thing that I can honestly say that I liked about Cesar Izturis is that he gave me a reason to shout. I don't really need a reason to shout but I guess it is better than random shouting. Every time he came up to bat or made a good defensive play I would yell out at the top of my lungs "HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIILLLLL CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" and I would get odd stares from the fans around me. Brewers fans on the whole don't really know how to have fun. Or maybe they just don't like shouting. But either way they really weren't that pleased with me. How do you not shout out "Hail Cesar" for this guy? It's not like you were going to shout anything else. He certainly didn't warrant that. Look, I got no problem with this guy. Every year there will always be a veteran type player in the twilight of his career that will be a decent spot starter, defensive replacement or pinch hitter off of the bench. For every Jean Segura you need a Craig Counsell. My problem with Izturis (much like my problem with Kottaras) was that he was a default starter due to injury. When Alex Gonzalez went down there was no viable replacement in the minor leagues until Segura arrived in the Greinke trade so Izturis and Ransom were the best options. That's really sad. It wasn't as crippling to the team as the bullpen was but you could argue that the talent discrepancy of the injured starters versus their replacements hurt the team and by the time they figured it out it was too little too late. There's always going to be a Cesar Izturis type player on this team, but doubt there will ever be another one that will be as fun to yell out. And the people in the left field bleachers are rather thankful for that.

Brooks Conrad, IF

Preseason Prediction: .224 batting avg, 5 HRs, 18 RBIs and savior of the little starving inner-city orphans one child at a time

2012 Actual: .075 avg, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs and hopefully was a positive influence on the kids of the Big Brothers Big Sisters program because he wasn't a positive influence on the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers

Brooks Conrad is a hell of a guy. One time I got a flat tire in the Miller Park parking lot and he not only helped me change the tire, but he also gave me $100 to go out and buy a new one. I told him that he didn't have to do that but he insisted. Then there was another time when I forgot my lunch at home. I was sitting in the employee break room staring down at the table looking sad and Conrad gave me his peanut butter and jelly sandwich AND his snack pack. The crusts were even cut off and it was vanilla flavored. I felt bad accepting it but he showed me that his mom always packs him some extra food just so that he can help out those less fortunate. And speaking of those less fortunate he showed me a picture of an entire classroom of poor African children that he sponsors. With his help they are able to afford clothes, potable water and text books. He even visits them once a year so that he can personally read them a story and tell them what it is like to play professional baseball. Most people would see this as him flaunting his fame and fortune but he uses it as an inspirational tale that if you stay in school and chase your dreams that you too can accomplish anything. And those aren't the only children that he looks after. While the Brewers were at home he spent all of his free time at the local chapter of the Boys and Girls club mentoring troubled youths. Brooks Conrad was a true class act. The best. At least off of the field. As for on the field? Well that's a different story altogether. You simply have to check his stats to realize that he was awful. Truth be told he only got 40 at bats to prove his mettle but he was mired in start to his Brewers career that rivaled Chris Duffy and Brad Nelson for worst of all time. As far as a baseball player he won't be missed. But as a human being? I miss him every single day and I will never forget the lessons he taught me about putting those in need ahead of your own personal wants. Brooks Conrad made me the man I am today and I thank him for that. But I still think he sucks as a baseball player. No offense of course.

Travis Ishikawa, 1B

Preseason Prediction: N/A (I'm not going to even bother because even if he makes the Opening Day Roster he probably won't stay there long enough to make an impact on the team)

2012 Actual: .257 batting average, .329 OBP, 4 HRs, 30 RBIs, 152 at bats and the most productive bench player/pinch hitter for the 2012 Brewers offense

I guess I have to talk about Travis Ishikawa now. I didn't even take the time to predict his 2012 stats because I didn't think he'd make the team. With Mat Gamel slated as the every day 1st baseman there didn't seem to be a roster spot for Ish because that's the only position he could play. Little did I know at the time that this guy would not only be on the roster for the entire season but he also would be the most productive player off of the bench. When Gamel got injured he was the primary 1st baseman until Hart was permanently moved there but Ish was still valuable as a spot starter and a left handed bat. By the end of the year I really didn't have a problem with him but this kind of guy is easy to come by on the cheap. There's a reason why bench spots (for the most part) turn over every year and I'm sure there will be another Travis Ishikawa next year. But I doubt he will have an American first name and a Japanese last name. It'll probably be the opposite. Or something else entirely that we aren't prepared for. That's the beauty of the offseason and Spring Training. You never know who will occupy those final roster spots or what kind of impact they will have on the team. But isn't that half the fun?

Martin Maldonado, C
Preseason Prediction: N/A
2012 Actual: .266 batting avg, .321 OBP, 8 HRs, 30 RBI, 58 games started and the best backup catcher the Brewers have ever seen

Boy do I love the The Mighty Martin (pronounced Mar-teen). Besides Mike Fiers, was there a bigger surprise player on the 2012 roster?  I had heard about him as the Brewers top catching prospect behind starter Jonathon Lucroy and by all accounts his defense was Major League ready. But the problem was that in his 8 years in the Minors he had a career line of a .236 batting avg, 31 HRs and 200 RBIs. He likely would have stayed down there for the entire 2012 season because the Brewers had been fine with the Lucroy/Kottaras tandem at catcher. All of that changed in late May when Lucroy broke his hand, Kottaras was elevated to starting catcher and Maldonado played a whole lot of catch-up trying to learn this pitching staff. Because he was learning on the fly the Brewers were willing to overlook any offensive shortcomings he would have had because his defense was outstanding. If you don't believe me, pay close attention to him in the 2013 season and watch the way he crouches behind the plate in a multitude of stances to get into position to block a ball or be ready to throw a batter out. I could throw a statistic at you but I'm too drunk to look that up right now. But even if I was skinny, athletic and fast I wouldn't want to try and steal a base on Maldonado because he has one hell of an arm. I mean it. That kid has a cannon. And accurate too. But the big surprise was his offense. And he really brought it man. He brought it hard. Raging boner-style.

Lucroy was batting around .500 with runners in scoring position for the first 2 months of the season which lead the Majors. He and Braun were carrying the team on offense while Ramirez and Weeks were struggling. Without Lucroy's ability to come up in the clutch the Brewers stopped scoring runs for a bit. And then the Mighty Martin stepped to the plate. He had several homeruns and hits that either put the Brewers in a position to win or just flat out won the game. He was a completely different player on offense than what he was forecasted to be. Now he might have just gotten lucky and had a good season but I'm willing to bet that there's a little more than meets the eye here. Now he's no Autobot but I would certainly get alongside him to battle the evil Decepticons if the Transformers war broke out on Earth. Maldonado transformed himself from Minor League catcher to prime backup (and possibly stater on another team) so much to the point that George Kottaras became expendable (like Sylvester Stallone and his has-been action hero gang) when Lucroy returned from injury. Most of the backups have been guys like Mike Rivera, Chad Moeller, Eddie Perez, Raul Casanova and guys that were starters but would have been backups on a good team like Gary Bennett. Wil Nieves, Heny Blanco, Paul Bako, Keith Osik and Gregg Zaun. This list only goes back into the late 90's when I got big into the Brewers but I think I can say with a good amount of certainty that he is the best backup catcher that the Brewers have ever had. And along with Lucroy he makes the best catching tandem in all of baseball. And that you can print in Rolling Stone fucking magazine.

Cody Ransom, IF
Preseason Prediction: N/A
2012 Actual: .196 batting avg, .293 OBP, 6 HRs, 26 RBIs, 168 at bats and as difficult to cheer for as it is to obtain a King's Ransom 


Cody Ransom needs to wipe that fucking shit-eating smirk off of his face. Who does he think he is? The only reason why he ever played a single game for the 2012 Brewers was because desperate times called for desperate measures. You know what happens when you get desperate? You start sucking cock for cocaine. That's the best comparison I can offer as to why Cody Ransom was even on this team last year. They simply did not have a better option than to get him form Arizona and put him out in the infield instead of leaving a position open. Personally I would have preferred a ghost fielder and an automatic out but Ron Roenicke must not have seen it that way. I wish I had a nice thing to say about Ransom. I mean after all he DID strike out 79 times in 168 at bats. I'm not that good at math or anything, but isn't that around 50%? How does one swing and miss that many times? A blind midget with a learning disability standing on the shoulders of another midget with Parkinson's disease would have fared better. Why wasn't that tandem allowed to get 168 at bats and play shortstop? At least that would have given me a reason to get all amped up instead of the usual cheering for sausages like I'm some meat loving homo. I know what you're thinking. Don't be so hard on him. He sounds like a cool guy. Captain Cody could have been a fighter pilot who shot down some enemy planes during the Desert Storm skirmish in the Middle East. He could have been a hero. Well I've got news for you pal. He isn't a hero. He's a shitty baseball player but he probably still gets more pussy than I do. Son of a bitch. Like I needed another reason to hate the guy. But the one good thing about him is that I am sure to win in 7 years when I name drop Cody Ransom to my friends during a round of the Random Former Brewers Player Game. The point is to one-up the last person by throwing out some random scrub from the past. So thank you for that Ransom. And now you can drift off into baseball obscurity.

Jean Segura, SS
Preseason Prediction: N/A
2012 Actual: .264 batting avg, .321 OBP, 0 HRs, 14 RBIs, 148 at bats, 7 stolen bases and the future shortstop we have been needing since we traded away "Macaroni Artwork" himself Alcides Escobar


Jean Jean made a machine. Yo Yo made it go. Hart Hart blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart. Yeah it's childish, but Jean Segura is practically a child at just 22 years of age. Normally the Brewers let their young players develop year by year in the minors and don't call them up to the show until around age 24. But with Alex Gonzalez being injured, Cesar Izturis being old and Cody Ransom being a waste of space the Brewers weren't left with many options when he was acquired in the Zack Greinke trade. He played in just 8 games with the AA Huntsville Sounds before he was playing with the Brewers. At first it seemed like a huge jump because he only hit .200 over his first 15 games with only 3 RBIs. As you can see by the end of the year he improved on the batting average but still was on the low end of RBIs which was to be expected with him batting 7th or 8th in the lineup, typically a spot that doesn't produce a lot of power numbers. Even though 148 at bats is a pretty small sample size to determine whether or not he is Major League ready he also played in the Caribbean Winter League where he has so far hit .324 with 2 HRs, 21 RBIs and 11 stolen bases. Now those are some numbers I can really get behind. And despite what some scouts and baseball experts said about him when he was traded that he profiled more as a 2nd baseman and couldn't cut it at short, I beg to differ. I watch more Brewers baseball than any person should so my eye test is usually pretty spot on. This kid has the range and the arm to make a damn fine shortstop. Now he may never be as good as an Alcides Escobar or JJ Hardy, but I have no problem with him right up the middle with Rickie Weeks for the next few years. In fact I'm going to go out and get a #9 jersey this winter along with the other ones that I have committed to (#16 Ramirez, #7 Aoki and #12 Maldonado) to show everyone how much I love this kid. Big things are in store for him and I promise you that he will be a bright spot in the lineup for many years to come. Trust me pal. I know my Brewers baseball.

Taylor Green, IF
Preseason Prediction: N/A
2012 Actual: .184 batting avg, .265 OBP, 3 HRs, 14 RBIs, 103 at bats and slowly sliding down the depth charts within the organization


Taylor Green was the Brewers Minor League Player of the Year in 2011 where he hit .336 with 22 HR and 91 RBI between AA and AAA. Since he is primarily a 3rd baseman it seemed like he was set to take over at that position when Casey McGehee, the starting 3rd baseman in 2011, struggled big time. But then in December of 2011 the Brewers signed Aramis Ramirez to play 3rd and Green looked like a man without a position. In the minors in 2012 he was alright with a .273 avg, 7 HR and 29 RBIs but struggled in the bigs when his playing time was limited. He had been one of the top prospects in the system but at 26 years of age time may be running out for him. With Ramirez at 3rd and Corey Hart at 1st (his secondary position) he only saw limited and sporadic time in the starting lineup and only had 103 at bats. Most younger players do better with a consistent schedule because that's what they've been used to for their entire careers. The Mark Kotsay and Gabe Kapler types are used to getting a start or two a week but are mostly regulated to pinch hitting duties. This didn't work out well for Green as evident by his final numbers. I do hope that he either gets some regular playing time (but not at the expense of Ramirez or Hart) or that he figures out how to succeed as a bench player/spot starter or else he's going to find himself stewing in the minors forever like Mat Gamel or traded like Matt LaPorta. But if he continues to put up numbers like he did in 2012 he just might seal his own fate. I hope not because I really like Green. But I think he found out that like Kermit the Frog before him, it ain't easy being Green.

Jeff Bianchi, IF
Preseason Prediction: N/A
2012 Actual: .188 batting avg, .230 OBP, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 69 at bats and quite possibly the next Bill Hall as far as the utility man goes, but without the "wins games" factor


Jeff Bianchi is another one of Doug Melvin's waiver claims that he hopes will pan out like Casey McGehee did in 2009 and 2010. Or a number of other players who had some success with the Brewers during their time with the team - Derrick Turnbow, Marco Estrada, Scott Podsednik, Brady Clark, George Kottaras and Todd Coffey. While they weren't long term answers you can't argue that they all patched some short-term holes. And they all came on the cheap too. I don't mean to bore you with technical talk but players under team control have minor league options which allow them to move them between the major and minor league teams while still holding on to their rights. When a player runs out of options they have to pass through waivers before being sent down to the minors. When a player is on waivers it allows another team to claim him and thus acquiring that player through various means. A lot of players get claimed on waivers because there is always a team looking to take a low risk/high reward gamble on a player who may just need an opportunity or a chance of scenery. Time will tell if Bianchi, claimed off of waivers from the Chicago Cubs who were set up the middle with Starlin Castro and Darwin Barney, will join the ranks of successful Doug Melvin waiver claims.

Bianchi was alright in a utility role and can play all 4 spots in the infield if needed. A guy like that is good for a National League team to have because they usually carry an extra pitcher. Since there is no Designated Hitter rule in the NL the pitcher sometimes can be pulled from the game in a key at bat situation even though they've only thrown 70-80 pitches and could go another few innings. Bianchi's flexibility allows him to be put in at 3rd base and then be moved the next inning to shortstop of other changes are made. It's a lot nonsense that you probably don't care about but it's shit like this that gets me all wrapped up in baseball and why I think it's the greatest sport. Even though a guy like Bianchi may not hit with as good of an average or with the power of someone like Ishikawa, he sometimes might make the team over that player because of his versatility on defense. There are so many factors that go into the makeup of a 25-man roster which is why I look forward to doing this "25 in 25" write-up prediction every Spring. 

Edwin Maysonet, IF
Preseason Prediction: N/A
2012 Actual: .250 batting avg, .297 OBP, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 60 at bats and hopefully out of the Brewers organization so I don't have to talk about him again


Edwin Maysonet can go to hell. Not literally. I don't want him to die and answer to the Dark Lord or anything. I don't wish that upon anyone, even my worst enemies or those smug dolphins who think they are smarter than me because they scored higher on the ACT tests. When I say "go to hell" I actually mean go somewhere else because I don't want to see him ever again. I don't know him personally and I'm sure that he is a hit at his family's Christmas parties. But I hate what he represents. As a career Minor league player (with over 900 games played down there compared to 76 games in the Majors) he will only see playing time in the big leagues because there is no better option. When a player like this is starting that means that you have run out of all other available options, which is very upsetting news. Not quite as upsetting as the "you have cancer" news or the "Hostess went out of business and now your fat ass can't get Twinkies or Ho Hos anymore" news, but it is pretty damn close. 

The only thing Maysonet did in 2012 was hit a grand slam on May 12 in the 6th inning which resulted in an 8-2 win over the sad sack of a team posing as the Chicago Cubs. Other than that he didn't make a difference. I hope that he built a house with Habitat for Humanity or Stood up for Cancer or made an impact some other way, because I'd hate for his life to be defined by that one moment. At the very least please tell me that he at least gave his wife Yanice an orgasm on the night of their anniversary after a fancy dinner at Ryan Braun's Graffito. Please don't tell me that I once again have to satisfy player's wives because I'm getting pretty tired of doing that. I don't have the stamina that I once had in my youth. These players need to take a hard look in the mirror and remind themselves that they are all man and that they can trot around 3rd and celebrate the homerun. Please Edwin, don't even do it for the fans. Do it for yourself man. Take care of your wife at home because she is all that you got. Even though you still make more money than I do you are a failure unless you pleasure your wife. Happy wife, happy life pal. Get at it and call me in the morning.

Logan Schafer, OF
Preseason Prediction: N/A
2012 Actual: .304 batting avg, .320 OBP, 0 HRs, 5 RBIs, 23 at bats and the future center fielder if Carlos Gomez decides to slip up again

Watch out for this kid Logan Schafer. One of the strengths of the Brewers' farm system has always been developing position players. Now pitchers? That's a different story. I wish I could say that Schafer would be the center fielder in 2013 because defensively he is better than Carlos Gomez. Yep. I said it. He's faster too. But the thing is that they are a little concerned about his bat being ready for the Major Leagues. I don't understand that concern because he is a career .294 hitter with a .354 OBP. The only thing holding him back is that he doesn't have a lot of power with only 24 homeruns and 170 RBIs in 5 Minor League seasons (average 5 HRs and 34 RBIs per year) and that he figures more as a leadoff hitter because he makes contact and doesn't strike out a lot. Prior to the 2012 season there was a big need for this kind of player. But there is a problem here. Aoki and Gomez both played so well at the plate and in the outfield that Center field and Right field no longer seem like platoon positions like they were in the past. I fully expect to see an outfield of Braun, Gomez and Aoki next season for the majority of the games but there is a possibility that Schafer could make the team as one of the backup outfielders. The only real question is if he could also excel as a pinch hitter. I hope he makes the team out of Spring Training but who knows. But he will be the first one called up if one of the starting outfielders (knock on wood) have a long term injury. He certainly took advantage of his breif stint in the Majors in 2012 and has also impressed in Spring Training. He will fill in nicely and it is only a matter of time before we see him roam the outfield grass in Miller Park.

Wow. I just skimmed through all of this shit that I wrote and even I don't have the patience to read any of it. I can only imagine how much you made it through before giving up. But if you care about the Brewers and care about my opinion then I hope you at least read through some of it. This really was a labor of love and it obviously took me a long time to finish. I've been working on it here and there for a few months and would hate to venture a guess as to how many hours of my life this took because I would be able to see just how much time I wasted on this shit. But since I did do a 2012 preview it was necessary that I compare my predictions with the final numbers. We all could've done without the random commentary but that is my favorite part. When I have to back up my claims with actual data is when I fall behind due to the amount of research it takes. But it's all in good fun, right? What better do I have to do with my life? Get in shape? Feel healthy and have some confidence for once? Meet a nice girl? Settle down? Have some children so my Mom can see raising me as a worthwhile investment? Nah. That kind of stuff is for idiots and losers. I'd rather do this shit and drink myself into a drunken stupor. That's what girls find hot, right? 

Well I'll see you again in a few days or a few months with the 2012 recap of the Brewers' Pitching. If you are a betting man I would place a wager on the fact that Pitchers and Catchers will report to Spring Training (in 44 Days as I am writing this) before I complete that article but what do I know. I'm the kind of person who bet against Rocky in Rocky III (I had $100 on Mr. T) so don't trust me when it comes to gambling. Well, I've written enough for now. Make sure to come back later if you need more input, Johnny 5 style. Until then - Go Brewers.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 9 - The End of My World

If you are reading this then the world didn't end. At least your world didn't end. There was some shit about the Mayan Calendar ending which was supposed to signify a catastrophic event that would end all life as we knew it. But that obviously didn't happen because we're still here. At least for the most part. I don't know if you picked up on it but earlier I said that your world didn't end. I did that on purpose because my world ended on April 25, 2011 when I lost my best friend and brother. After that I didn't see a reason to keep on living because what's the fucking point? No matter what I do in life from here on out it will never be as good as it was prior to April 25, 2011. Life pretty much sucks balls in Life After Timmy (L.A.T.) and this isn't the first time that I've asked for a higher power to rain down upon the Earth and kill me. If you have been a faithful reader of this blog (and if you follow me on Twitter) then you will remember me talking about The Rapture last year that was supposed to take place on October 21, 2011. I was ready to die and for Jesus to take me to Heaven to be with my brother. The night before it happened I drank heavily, cried buckets and wrote this entry  about The Rapture. Click that link to check that out if you didn't read it when I originally posted it.

One thing I've always promised to do on here was to be open and honest about my life. This blog as you know it is pretty unfiltered. Because of that I don't expect you to ever read any of this or listen to this podcast. But I'm going to keep on posting because I'm hoping that it is therapeutic for me to get this shit out in the open. During the last few months I have been looking for a drive to stay alive and so far I haven't found any reasons why I should continue living. But once again before you start to worry I haven't found any reasons to end my life either. So relax. But if something massive like The Rapture or The End of The World is supposed to occur I'm going to sit back and accept it. I don't need to keep living if there is nothing to live for. And so I present to you Episode 9 of my Drive to Stay Alive. It was recorded prior to the predicted End of the World date (December 21, 2012) I'd like to think I talked as a man with nothing to lose. A man with no future. A man without hope. And when you lose hope you truly have nothing left. There is nothing to live for. You have no drive to stay alive. It's a really hard place to be in. Which is why I'm trying to get out of it.



Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 9 - The End of My World, so that you can listen to it whenever you feel like it: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep9.mp3


I apologize for this shit being really depressing but this is where I am in my life right now. I try to sprinkle it with speckles of humor but there is nothing funny with being depressed and having nothing to live for. But the World didn't end and I'm still here. And I have a feeling that it's going to be God's cruel joke to keep me alive well into my 90's or 100's so I can stick around until I figure out the meaning of my life. Only then will I be allowed to join him in Heaven and have a June's Blanket Reunion Concert. It sucks to know that my life is never going to be good again but I guess as long as I'm alive I'm going to keep on trying to figure out a reason to stay alive. Because that's why we're all here, right?

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 8 - Bringing Back Humbug

Tis the season to be jolly, right? Fuck that. Tis the season for all you jolly bastards to shut up and stop reminding me that you are happy and I'm not. I don't need Christmas cheer. I don't need chestnuts roasting on an open fire. I don't need Jack Frost nipping on my nose. I certainly don't need Yuletide carols being sung by a choir and heaven forbid if I come across some tiny tots with their eyes all aglow. You might have guessed it by now because I'm laying it on thicker than the frosting on a gingerbread house, but I hate Christmas. Once Thanksgiving passes I too start a countdown - a countdown until the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" is over and I can go back to my depressing life without hearing Jingle Bell Rock oozing out of every speaker within hearing distance. Ever since I found out that Santa wasn't real that aspect of the Christmas spirit was lost for me. Then I focused on Jesus as the reason for the season but that only lasted until I reached college and had a falling out with organized religion  So what is left for me to love during this Christmas season? I'm not even sure anymore and talking it out during this Episode didn't really help me to figure it out. Join me in this adventure by clicking below to disagree with me in every single thing I have to say. That's because you love Christmas. Everyone does. But not me. I hate Christmas.



Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 8 - Bringing Back Humbug, so that you can listen to it whenever you feel like it: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa%20-%20ep8.mp3

I want to bring back Humbug. Not enough people use this word and in fact I rarely hear it uttered except for when Ebeneezer Scrooge voices his displeasure. Humbug in the way that Scrooge uses it means nonsense or rubbish, which works during all times of the year and not just during the season of Christmas. With this in mind I'm going to incorporate it into my ever expanding vocabulary and once again popularize the phrase. We'll see where that goes but I can promise you that there is a better chance of me succeeding at that then there is a chance of me loving Christmas. Sorry man. Tis the season to be jolly and joyous but for me there is no fa la la. And forget about asking me to deck the halls with balls of holly. Ask me that and I'll deck you instead. After all there's only 5 more sleeps till Christmas. Makes me wish I could go into a coma for a week and wake up when all of this glad tidings to you wherever you are, we wish you a Merry Christmas bullshit was over. Christmas. Bah! Humbug,..

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
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Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 7 - The Weary Traveler

Most of the time when I record these episodes I don't brainstorm any of my ideas. I just hit record and go with it. That's one of the fun things about being creative. But one idea that I wanted to talk about was if my friends and family would accept me if I suddenly had a disability. Of course if I was crippled in a car accident they would still love me, but what if I had a stroke and the only thing that changed was that I now spoke with a British accent? I know it sounds like a weird idea, but then again I'm a pretty weird person. I wanted to let you about this idea before you listen so you would understand why I am talking with an accent. I was down in South Carolina visiting my brother so the first half doesn't take place during a drive like you are used to hearing. And I also never really got to explore the idea because I was recording first outside of a bar and then outside an IHop at the wee hours of the morning and was interrupted each time by a member of my traveling party. I only got around 10 minutes of material but I thought I would include it here. Why not? It didn't really fit anywhere else and it was a topic I felt like addressing. I would revisit it someday and delve a little deeper into the idea of acceptance in the event of unexpected change. I will talk more about this topic someday. I promise you that. If only to once again speak with a British accent. I get great joy out of that. And isn't that what this is all about? Finding the joys in life? Why should I deny myself of that? 



Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 7 - The Weary Traveler, so that you can listen to it whenever you feel like it: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep7.mp3

The second half of the podcast was recorded on a Monday night when I was driving home from my Dad's house after he picked me up from the airport. In this sense it was more like the traditional Drive to Stay Alive recordings that I have been doing. In this one I do identify a couple of things that I love about myself and figure out that I am a unique person who has talents and certain quirks that sets me apart from the rest of the population. To sum it up I'm pretty damn random. That allows me to be flexible, find humor and entertainment in every situation and to constantly avoid boredom. It's a great quality to have and I count myself among the lucky who have figured out how to do that. Another thing that I figured out is how much I love my family (and most importantly my Sister) and how much they mean to me. If I need one reason to stay alive I've found one - to be there for my family when they need me. And I suppose to be there even when they don't need me. But my family is more important to me than anything else in this world, so I'm going to do my damnedest to stick around and watch over them. If that is my only reason to exist than it's the greatest reason ever. That very well may be my Drive to Stay Alive. Who knows man. I just hope that when all is said and done I will have served my purpose. That's all I can ask for.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

Friday, December 07, 2012

The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 6 - The Dream Miser

This episode is about something that I really don't like doing, which is sleeping and dreaming. I know right now you are probably thinking that I'm crazy for saying that but if that is what got you to the point of calling me crazy then I'm afraid that I've strung you along for far too long. Most people love sleep, actually look forward to it every night and loathe getting out of bed in the morning. If you haven't noticed by now then let me shock you by saying that I'm different than most people. I hate going to bed so much to the fact that I put it off as long as humanly possible. The body does need sleep and it does need to rest and recharge. So there is a certain point in the night when it starts to shut down. For most people that is usually around 11 or midnight. My body starts to shut down around 1 or 2am but I push through that and stay up until 3 or 4am. And then I wake up around 7:30 or 8am to get ready for work for the day. I usually average around 5 hours of sleep tonight and I am lucky when I get 6 hours. It's not that I can't physically sleep. I don't have a sleeping disorder like insomnia or sleep apnea. Nope. I just choose not to. While that may seem like a very foreign idea to most people, I have my reasons. You might not agree with them but they work for me. And this is why I choose to limit my amount of sleep.

I wish this was the girl of my dreams. She's quite the hottie. But the truth is that there is no girl of my dreams because I don't really dream. I don't allow myself to. I do my best to avoid sleeping because for some reason my peak level of creativity occurs between 10pm and 2am. Because I have so much work to do on this site and the other ones in the Pookon Empire so I need to take advantage of that free time. Work (8 hours a day plus commuting time) and other commitments keep me from doing what I am truly passionate about so I have to cram it all into a short time span in the late hours of the night. Something has to give and that is my sleeping time. I've been able to survive on little to no sleep for a couple of years now. And I don't see myself stopping any time soon. Not as long as I still have something to say. And then there are my dreams. Or the lack thereof. I don't dream much any more, and when I do they are usually sad ones. I wish I could have the dreams that I did as a child or even the ones that I had in college when my whole life was in front of me. Somewhere along the way I got broken and my dreams were cast aside for more realistic options. But I've said enough in text form today. Please take the time to listen to the podcast below. Help me in this journey to find a reason to stick around for a while and figure out a reason to dream again. I need a friend or a support system to find my purpose in life and if you are listening to this then you could be that person. Make my dreams come true. Validate all of the time I spend on these efforts. And make sure you dream big. Why not. We only have one life. Live it up.



Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 6 - The Dream Miser, so that you can listen to it whenever you feel like it: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep6new.mp3

So that's my take on sleep and dreams. I hope that helps to explain my process of thinking and also why I spend so much time working on shit like this. It helps to keep me balanced in a world where everything is so upside down. I'm not so big on dreams because when you wake up it's like you were existing inside of a lie for however long the adventure lasted and with a few exceptions, life is never as good as it seems while you are dreaming. If it were up to me I'd never dream again because I have a very low success rate with the stories playing in my head. Most of them are depressing as shit so I'd like to avoid them at all costs. So far it's been working out alright but every night when I close my eyes I face the possibility of waking up in tears or with a sense of failure. And that's what keeps me up until 3 or 4am every night. I'm afraid to dream because of the ideas that exist in my mind. And no matter what, my life will never be as great as the one that my mind conjures up. It's something that I will just have to live with. At least while I am awake.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Drunken Live Tweet - The Goonies - "Goonies Never Say Tweet"

There are certain movies that will always be iconic classics to you and you will never feel any differently about them, no matter what anyone says. For me The Goonies is right up there on top of the list. I know that a lot of people feel the same way because my generation holds this movie in such high regard. And rightfully so they should. It really is a perfect movie. It has action, drama, comedy, adventure and some pirates thrown in the mix as an added bonus. Most movies that you adored as a child end up not being so cool when you watch them as an adult, but The Goonies is not one of those. I know that I have watched it a couple hundred times and I am not exaggerating. There are so many lines and scenes that I could act out on my own if need be, so just quiz me the next time you see me. But make sure that you are ready to take on one of the roles and be a member of my gang of Goonies. I'm Chunk so you can't be him. Anyone else is fair game I guess instead of Mikey. Jenny is Mikey. Yes I know that she is a girl and that he is a dude, but we are talking works of fiction here. Didn't guys used to play girls in old Shakespearean plays back in the 1600's? Then why is it weird that in the 2000's that a chick plays a dude? Why don't you stop asking questions and instead watch the actor disappear inside the character. So come join along with me as I got drunk one night, put on The Goonies again and Live Tweeted my thoughts as they came pouring out of my head. This was my favorite Live Tweet session so I hope that you get as much enjoyment out of it as I did. If you've seen The Goonies then you should be able to follow along with what I wrote and picture the movie in your head. Or you could always put the movie on and read along with my Tweets. Either way you're in for some pretty good drunken randomness. Enjoy.

I'll admit it - I'm one of #TheGoonies. I've been one my entire life and I'm proud to admit it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

If I was one of them, I would have to be Chunk. I have a penchant for Hawaiian shirts, pizza and Baby Ruth. #TheGoonies

If I had to truffle shuffle to get into my friend's house I would never go there. That fucker isn't my friend. #TheGoonies

Mikey has a more complex gadget system on his front lawn than Pee Wee Herman's house or Doc Brown's lab. #TheGoonies

I don't blame Mouth for incorrectly translating to Rosalita. Fucking with foreign people is a hell of a good time. #TheGoonies

It's no fair that Mikey has all that cool historical shit in his attic. I never even had an attic. Or rich stuff. #TheGoonies

Chunk said all they had in his attic was old Hanukkah decorations. Funny, I didn't know his last name was Levistein. #TheGoonies

Astoria, Oregon is the coolest town ever. #TheGoonies lived there and John Kimble was the Kindergarten Cop. I'm moving there.

They call their neighborhood the Boondocks, also known as "The Boonies." Um, next to he ocean is not the middle of nowhere. #TheGoonies

I totally am Chunk. My "go to" submission move as a child was to sit on people. That's all that I had. #TheGoonies

Brand did 376 lawnmower jobs just to get that shitty bike? He needs to renegotiate his wage. That's basically slave labor. #TheGoonies

Brand needs to take the training wheels off that bike. And take off his training bra too. He whines like a little girl. #TheGoonies

Chunk says when his stomach growls there is trouble. He has his own personal Spidey Sense! Chunk is my hero. #TheGoonies

I always wanted to go on an adventure with my friends. But surviving in my neighborhood was an adventure. I'm from the streets. #TheGoonies

Mama is one scary ass bitch. In this movie and as Danny DeVito's mom. I too would have thrown her from the train. #TheGoonies

Chunk wants to give up on the pursuit of One Eyed Willie's rich stuff because it's dinner time. Yep. It's official. I am Chunk. #TheGoonies

Of course the Asian figures out how to make counterfeit $50 dollar bills. Asians can figure out everything. #aLittleRacist #TheGoonies

Murderers are after him, a monster is chained up in a room, there's a dead body + all Chunk cares about is ice cream. My hero. #TheGoonies

They should have called the Mario Brothers to help with those pipes. They are plumbers you know. Amateurs. #TheGoonies

Chunk pushed his sister down the stairs + blamed it on the dog. Once I farted on the set of Blue Lagoon + blamed it on the dog. #TheGoonies

Chester is the greatest name ever. But Chester Kurutz is 2x the man Chester Copperpot ever was. #TheGoonies

I once saw #TheGoonies at a midnight screening in Minneapolis. I so wanted to drop fake vomit from the balcony. Just like Chunk.

Chunk wanted to play the violin. I wanted to play the piano, trumpet, saxophone, trombone, french horn and guitar. I did. #TheGoonies

If I had a chance to take back my wishes and dreams I would. Because none of them came true. Dreams are bullshit. #TheGoonies

Goonies never say die. Which is why I was so afraid to say it 7 months ago. But I'll never say it. He still lives in me. #TheGoonies

Sloth believes in the 5 second rule. He broke out of his fucking handcuffs to get that Baby Ruth off of the floor. #TheGoonies

Data is one crafty motherfucker. Pinchers of peril. Setting booty traps. Slick shoes. Bully blinders. #TheGoonies

I've got you now One Eyed Willie. Is that really something you want to say out loud kid? #aLittleGay #TheGoonies

If I was Mikey I would have slipped Andy the tongue. But I'm Chunk so I ate up all the snacks. #SexyTime #TheGoonies

I missed this. Bats come out and scare the shit out of them, but none of them have a lament or are counting? I call bullshit. #TheGoonies

Andy kind of looks like Hermione Granger. So my "magic wand" is going all wingardium leviosa right now. #TheGoonies

How ironic would it be if Mikey grew up + got caught in a "Booty Trap" for soliciting an undercover cop posing as a prostitute. #TheGoonies

Andy plays piano. Listen to the radio. Don't you remember if you get the wrong note, we'll all be flat. #MusicHumor #TheGoonies

I've been to Noah's Ark in the Dells a few times and I don't remember a water slide that ended with a pirate ship. #TheGoonies

So One-Eyed Willie only has one eye? That's like rain on your wedding day. Or a free ride when you've already paid? #ironic #TheGoonies

The one that they call Mouth is also the one who is able to fit it all in there. #aLittleGay #TheGoonies

If I am Chunk then I am still waiting for my Sloth to swing in and yell "Hey you Guys!" and save the day. It'll happen. #TheGoonies

Momma dropped the shit out of Sloth. That's why he ended up looking like that. Let that be a cautionary tale to future mothers. #TheGoonies

The kids meet up with their families and we get the old reunion bullshit. Where's the discipline? Where's the grounding? #TheGoonies

If I found some jewels in my bag then I would assume that I switched teams. One Eyed Willie got me. In my face. #TheGoonies

Ok. So they disobeyed their parents but in the end they saved the day. Do we punish or praise? #TheGoonies

That's why I kind of never want kids. You don't know what to do. Should I be proud or be upset? It's a challenge. #TheGoonies

I guess I want kids. I want them to go through the same shit i did. Have adventures. Fuck shit up. #TheGoonies

My life has been an adventure. Time to turn the page. To a new chapter. I need to live vicariously through my kids. #TheGoonies

The movie is just under 2 hours but the adventure lasts a lifetime. Goonies fo' life. That's what the kids be sayin'. #TheGoonies

If my kids are half as cool as me then I did a good job. Because they would have grown up with the classics. #TheGoonies

I could probably watch The Goonies again today and say some completely different things about the movie. That's the beauty of it. But on that night when I loaded up on the rum these are the words that flowed out of my brain and to the Twitter for the entire world to see. I'm not one of those people who keep their thoughts bottled up inside of their heads. Oh no, I will tell you all about them whether you like it or not. I love drunken Live Tweeting movies. It's a boatload of fun for me and I hope to do it again soon. I have a short list of 80's, 90's and 00's classics that I am prepared to send up in grand fashion on a rum-fueled night, so make sure you pay close attention to my Twitter account and this here blog for those episodes if you find this sort of thing amusing. And if you don't then you can't be in my rag-tag group of Goonies. It's your choice really. I suggest you think long and hard about which side you want to be on when the Revolution begins. If you aren't so sure about which side to choose remember this - Goonies never say die.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com