I've been of the larger persuasion for all of my adult life. Although I can't run or jump or keep up with people who are in good shape, I've never felt like my weight has held me back. I've always been able to function in a normal sized world even if I can't do everything with ease. But even though I'm arguably functional I have recently made it a priority to get in better shape and to hopefully shed some of this weight. I have been going to the gym for about a week and a half until I hit a major snag. I live in Wisconsin and while it is very nice in the Summers the Winters can be a real bitch. We recently got dumped on hardcore with a shit ton of snow and I shoveled several times for my Landlord (who is pregnant) and my Mother (who I owe my entire life to). In the past 2 weeks I have put more stress on my body than I probably have in the last 2 years. That is the only reason that I can understand why my back hurts.
When I say my back hurts my thoughts immediately go to Mr. Deeds which is why I have provided that scene here. It is so ridiculous that it makes me laugh every time and this movie will always hold a special place in my heart because it is the last one that I watched with Timmy. But my back seriously hurts and it is no laughing matter. I brought up my weight and the lack of a struggle with it because for the first time I have felt like a prisoner in my own body because of this back pain. I have never been incapacitated before and until this moment I was able to deal with it. But I spent the entire weekend sitting on the couch feeling like a waste of space because it hurt too much to move. This is insane. I'm not terribly active but I hate being forced to sit around. I don't like being told what to do. My body is an asshole and I don't listen to assholes.
The worst part about it is that I really do want to change my lifestyle. I want to get in better shape and skinny up a bit. Women don't find me attractive and bullies probably still make fun of me for being fat. So the will is there to do something but for the time being I just have to sit back and wait. It's frustrating and I would have never thought that something so simple as my back would prevent me from doing anything at all. It really puts a lot of things in perspective because there are people who live like this every single day and there is not a damn thing they can do about it. That sounds horrible to me because I'm expecting my issues to dissipate within the next few days and I can resume normal activity. I can't even begin to imagine living with chronic pain or being paralyzed. I hope I never have to experience that in my lifetime. To me that is a fate worse than death. I'm already living with some kind of suffering. Lord help me from living with another kind.
- pookon -
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