Hunger Strike : Hour 24 (1 Day)

So now it has been a complete day since I started this Hunger Strike thing. To be quite honest with you, I am feeling full right now. Not an single bit hungry. That makes me realize that I eat way too much, and not just when my body needs the food. I eat for the sake of eating and because it tastes good. It's almost like I eat because I love doing it. That's what you call an addiction ladies and gentlemen. I'm hooked on food and I'm loving every single bite. Oh no! That means I'll probably be going through withdrawals pretty soon too. That's gonna be a rough one as I'm sitting in my cubicle tomorrow. The hunger will probably hit me tomorrow too; I just hope that my growling stomach doesn't upset my co-workers. Then I have to explain to them that I'm participating in a meaningless and unnecessary Hunger Strike, and that I'm basically doing it for fun. The real test will be if someone brings in free eats tomorrow at work. There's this sign up sheet that people are supposed to get on, and when it's your turn, you're supposed to bring snacks for everyone. Sometimes it's donuts or cookies, one time it was apples with hot caramel dipping sauce, and another time someone brought cupcake sized cherry cheesecakes for their birthday. All were extremely delicious, but it was wrong for me to eat them all because I have not signed up to participate in the snack bringing. But that's how I am - take take take take take. I never give. Which is why I will keep this Hunger Strike going so that I can give. In the end, it may only be like $48 dollars, but it will be $48 dollars more than what they already have. I've been drinking plenty of water, and I haven't had a single thing that contained calories in the 24 time period. So far I am holding up pretty good, and I probably wouldn't even be thinking about it if I weren't up at 1 in the morning writing about it. But those midnight cravings didn't come today, and I even hung out downstairs at Vitucci's 1 and refrained from drinking a beer. For the 1st time in my "adult life" I could've totally cheated and done the wrong thing (and totally got away with it no less) but I didn't. Oh, and there were Hershey's chocolates on the table in the living room, and although I looked at them, I didn't touch them. No way. A Miller Lite or an individually wrapped kiss is not going to make me quit on this meaningless game. Not now. Not when I am only 24 hours in to it. What if Columbus had said screw it, it's been 24 hours, might as well stop looking for a safe water route to Asia. We'd all be Indians. This is one thing that I'm not going to quit. At least for now...

Before I go, I just want to address the fact that many (if in case many people read this crap) people may be like, "so what asshole, you didn't eat for 24 hours. Big whoop. I've done that plenty of times." I know you have, and I'm pretty sure that I have too. That's not the point. The point is that I'm an over eater and that I'm borderline compulsive when it comes to the stuff. It's a big step for me to purposefully commit to breaking a bad habit, and sticking with it for at least a day (and counting). That's about 23 hours longer than I usually get, as I also have problems with commitment. I'm not very reliable, and most of the time I feel like a real piece of shit. If I can prove to myself that I do something little and insignificant, then maybe I can do other things too. It's an attitude adjustment, it's not just about the eating thing (although it certainly does factor in to the equation.) Basically it breaks down to this - I don't like the person that I have become. Somewhere along the line I gave up, and let my life kind of go to hell. I blame my looks or my personality on the fact that I've been single for 27 years, but in all honesty it's the fact that I just haven't tried. And I've used my glasses, or my wavy hair, or my "alcoholism", or my weight to blame for my lack in socializing with other people. I've always got an excuse for everything. Time to stop making excuses and take control of my life. I used to think that I'm running out of time, but the truth is that time is all that we really have. I'm gonna go to bed and try to figure out why people like me, because when I look in the mirror all I see is some ugly bastard that doesn't care anymore. It's time for me to see through that and see what everyone else sees - the real me. But it's gonna take longer than 24 hours for me to figure that one out.

Good night folks, I'll see you in the morning. Save some breakfast for me - just kidding :)

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com