Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 3)

Beer Pong on the Rocks
By: Iceman
Week 3: “There’s No Crying in Beer Pong”

When he was 36 years old, Tom Hanks said a line that can be applied to just about anything in life when he told the girls of the Rockford Peaches, “there is no crying in baseball.” In 2005, the American Film Institute liked it so much that they listed it as the 54th best movie quote of all time. So what, you might say. What does this have to do with beer pong? Well, it’s because there is no crying in beer pong. No Time For Love Dr. Jones fell to 1-2 on the season after suffering a defeat at the hands of the Cleveland Steamers (Anthony and Dave) in a game that we could have and should have won. Here follows a rather depressing look at the game of beer pong. Although this week I will be a little pessimistic, you can bet your sweet ass that I won’t be shedding any tears over this game.

I’ve said before that beer pong is a game, and games are supposed to be fun, but when is losing ever fun? Some athletes will say that it was an honor just to play in the championship game, but you know that they are just saying that to avoid sounding like a sore loser. Why play the game if you have no intention of winning? Everyone wants to win, but there can never be a team that always wins (unless your team name is the Rusty Taints (Skemp/Keith.) Although we lost, I did learn a very important lesson about beer pong and I also made a big observation about our league.

Iceman’s lesson of the week - Beer pong is as much of a mental game as it is a physical game. Let me explain. Going into week 3, we felt that we would steamroll the Steamers with ease, and we let their season stats get to our heads. We felt that we possessed everything necessary to take home the big W from the Steamers, but apparently they came more prepared to play than we did. It came down to game 3, but we really never had a chance. Prior to the game, I mentally psyched myself out that I wouldn’t have to bring my ‘A’ game to the table in order to win. Once the game had already begun and I started drinking cups, there was no turning back from there. I was mentally out of the game before the game even began. You have to treat every game as if it were the most important game of your life, because one of these days, it will be. We never know when out time on the table is up for good, and trust me; you don’t want to go down like a bitch. You have to go out in a blaze of glory, and this can only be achieved by playing as best as you possibly can in every game. But to stay within my lesson guidelines, this doesn’t mean that you have to take every game seriously and remove the fun from it, it just means that if the game has some form of meaning, you at least have to put forth your best effort.

Pressure – Freddy Mercury and David Bowie sang about being Under Pressure, but I guarantee you that they knew nothing about the pressure that we were under. I’ll let it be known that this pressure is all self-generated by Joey Kanz and myself and we could be pressure free if only we allowed ourselves to mentally block it out. Joey Kanz performed outstanding in week 2, and even got himself a Player of the Week Award, but felt the pressure to live up to that in week 3. I’ve put myself under a lot of pressure to not only live up to the promises that I made to Kanz, but to also prove to people why I was considered a “legend”, “the face of the beer pong league”, a veteran beer pong player, etc. I’ve been mentally putting myself up on a pedestal, and it is entirely my fault every single time that I have fallen down from it. I appreciate the kind words from everyone, and although I am the Man of Ice, I’m still just a normal human being just like the rest of you. Well, maybe not Balkman. There’s something unreal about that guy…

Skill – Is it just me or has everyone’s skill level increased in this league? I am blown away by the amount of talent that fills the House on Friday nights for league matches. When I first started playing, shooting 50% was having a good night. Season 1 + 2 stats are not yet updated on the new site so I can’t verify the validity of this statement, but I’ll bet that there weren’t many people who shot above 50% in the first couple of seasons. I know that I only shot 39% in season 2 (my rookie year) and I thought that it was pretty damn good. This is no longer a league of amateurs, we’re all playing like professionals and it has made this league ultra competitive. In a way I like it because that means that any team has an equal chance at winning, but at the same time I’m upset because it no longer means that I am good at beer pong. I guess I’ll go back to distributing ice, but it’s been so long since I’ve done it that I worry that I’ve forgotten how.

Stay positive and confident – you and only you know how good you are. The only person that can beat you at your own game is yourself. I’ve previously mentioned something along these lines when I said that I shoot better cross-court, which really has no ground, but mentally I have convinced myself that I cannot shoot straight forward. I’m confident in my cross-court shooting, so I stick with it. What has worked for me in the past stills works for me in the present, so why change anything for the future? I try to keep a positive attitude and do my best when I play.

There’s probably more that I could tell you, but I’ll save it for another article. That’s your reward for sticking it through all the way to the last sentence of my last one. I hope that you enjoyed reading it, because I certainly enjoyed writing it.

You know what really grinds my gears? – being old. You veterans know what I’m talking about. Someday all of you youngsters will get to be my age and realize that it takes a full day to recover after a long night of beer pong. When I wake up on Saturday morning after playing pong until 3 am, I can barely function. Luckily the only thing that I have planned for my Saturdays is a Saved by the Bell marathon that I have set up on my DVR. Either I have to cut back on my exhibition play (likely to happen) or find the Fountain of Youth and revert back to a time when I could drink like a champ and have no side effects the next day (unlikely to happen.) Eventually, my body will tell me that it can no longer handle my beer pong habbit, and I will have to cease my play. Although I can see the end, I’m still not ready to call it quite. Just don’t make plans with me for Saturday. Nothing comes between me and my Saved by the Bell DVR marathon…

Iceman’s shout-outs –

Anthony/Dave – When preparing to play you this week I underestimated your skill level. I am impressed with your style of game play and your improvements that you have made on the table. This was one of those games where we straight up got beat by a better team. I hope that we don’t meet up in the playoffs because I don’t want to be sent home before my time is up.

Lorge/Casey – for being the best 0-3 team in the history of beer pong. I know on paper it looks bad, but I know you guys can pull it together and finish at a respectable 3-3. Regardless of the outcome, I’m incredibly thankful for everything that you have done for this league and all of the work that you both have put in to it to make it a legitimate organization. Without your hard work, we would still be 12-16 friends goofing around in a cold attic on random nights.

Iceman – for my week 2 article. I consider it to be my ‘piece de resistance’ (the outstanding item, prize piece or main exhibit in a collection) of Beer Pong on the Rocks. I know you probably think it’s lame to give a shout out to myself, but I’m proud of my 5 page single spaced article about beer pong. If only I worked this hard at schoolwork, then I wouldn’t be in my 7th year of college.

Everyone in league – at the mid-season point, it is nice to reflect back upon what has happened so far. I realize now that I’m not in this league for the beer pong; I’m in it for the people. Every week you all remind me why I keep coming here to play this game. It’s so nice to see your smiling faces, share some interesting stories, talk Brewers baseball and even to see a little skin as the night wears down. I can happily call you all my friends and I look forward to the next 3 weeks (plus playoffs.)

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time. Until then –

If your diamonds ain't shining that put that shit up

1-800-Iceman - ice yourself up

– Iceman –

www.pookon.com

Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 2)

Beer Pong on the Rocks

By: Iceman

“Week 2: Just Because I’m Not at Work Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Follow Procedure”

Following procedure can mean a lot of things to different people, but to me it means doing something the same exact way every time that I do it. That is how I approach beer pong. Every Friday night, I get psyched up to go to league night and play some pong. Since beer pong is a procedure to me, I’ll introduce you to a few of my superstitions.

1. I always wear a bandana and loose fitting clothes while playing. I have to be in my comfort zone to avoid the beer pong danger zone.

2. I never drink beer nor do I play beer pong before a league match. This can be excruciating when I get there at 9 and don’t play until midnight, but that’s how I’ve always approached my league matches.

3. I always play on the left side of the table. I’ve played on the right during exhibition, but never during league.

4. I almost always shoot cross-court. Most people prefer head cup straight shooting, but I’ve always found that I make more cups shooting cross. When you get to be as old as me, the saying “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” almost always applies.

5. After combine, the water cup has to be on my side.

6. If we have both balls and only the kill shot remains, I have to take the first shot.

And that is my beer pong procedure. Now, on with the article that I know Overby has been waiting so patiently for…

As you know, I’ve been playing beer pong for many seasons now, and I have come to understand a lot of things about the game; some of those things I have pointed out to my rookie partner and some of those things I hope to pass on to the next generation of pong players. But one thing that I know is that I love beer pong. Sometimes I like it so much that I’m entirely focused on the game and not on the people who make the game fun. I decided for week 2 that my #1 goal was to observe the other teams playing beer pong, and now I’ll offer up some comments and observations from those matches. I’ll start out by apologizing if I don’t mention your team, there were two tables going simultaneously and I have so many friends to watch that it was impossible to see it all.

Friday Night Lights vs. Purple Parrots

I was very impressed with this matchup, for several different reasons. First off, it was good to see Mike Roberts sharing the ball once again. I do remember calling him out on the fact that he hogged the ball while playing with Anthony last year, and by the time playoffs rolled around, he was a changed man. Beer pong is a team game, which will be my beer pong lesson at the conclusion of this article. Speaking of teams, I do appreciate the effort put forth by Kim and Laura into choosing a team name and creating uniforms. Upon further investigation, I found out that the Purple Parrots were a team on the Nickelodeon show “Legends of the Hidden Temple” (1993). By that time I was 12 years old, and was too cool for Nickelodeon, so I’ve never even heard of the show. I want to congratulate Kim and Laura, because even though they lost, they eradicated the stereotype from my mind that an all-girl team is bad at beer pong. Look out for them to upset someone in the 1^st round of the playoffs…

There's no "I" in Beerpong vs. Episode VI : Return of the Brodi

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m terrified to play against Brodey and Balkman in a game that actually matters. I’ve played more games of exhibition that I care to count to against these two, but when the game is on the line, they are so money and you don’t even know it. That’s me, but when I watched Sean and Ben take on these legends I noticed something, especially from the rookie Sean. I compare him to Prince Fielder. He doesn’t have the bulk or the power, but he had the poise, patience and professionalism of someone who had been in the league for years. I saw him blow out a kill shot in game 1 then hit a kill to win the game in a 15 second span. I was very impressed with his style of game play.

You can’t talk about game play without talking about the Greatest Show on Plywood. I know it’s not their name anymore, but it rings true every time the step up to the table. What happens when you are beat in game 1 by a rookie team? Live up to your former name in game 2. Brodey and Balkman put on a textbook game of beer pong and closed it out with their signature move – the Tablebreaker. Game 3 was all Brodey/Balkman. They only shot at and hit 1 of the sets of 6 cups, which resulted in a “slide your cups over” to the center rather than a “combine.” Balkman shot and made during the combine for an instant Lorge. He then walked over and stole a ball right out of the opponent’s hand. Their game play not only resulted in a victory, but they came through with one of the most entertaining games of the night. The Godfather (Brodey) is back, so next time you see him, pay him some respect. If you don’t, he’ll put out a hit on you.

My Balls, Your Chin vs. Made You Eat Your Parents

Benny Stiemsma is a diamond in the rough that is about to be unleashed upon the world so that we all can appreciate his true beauty. I’ve always believed in Benny, and I’ve loved him from Day 1. I believe I remember saying at one time, “if it were mandatory to be gay, I would be gay with Benny.” I always knew that he was a fantastic beer pong player; he just needed the opportunity to show it. Partnering with Christian was not that opportunity, at least at first. There’s no debate when I say that Christian is one of the best beer pong players out there, but beer pong is a team game and you have to play as a team to win. Christian finally let Benny shoot and Benny is on the cusp of magnificence. Sure, the stats don’t tell the real story, but believe me when I say that he will turn heads with his impressive play. If Christian continues to share the ball, this team is infallible, mostly because Benny has what so many people are missing – the 5^th element necessary to call upon Captain Planet – Heart.

Josh Kemp and Josh Hansen need a win more than I need another beer right now. They have been one of my favorite teams to ever step up to the table, plus they have been two of the nicest most genuine guys that I have had the pleasure of engaging in conversations with. Although my sister keeps calling Josh Kemp “Luke” and Josh Hansen was a real asshole to me 1 night 2 years ago when he was wasted, I’ll still be cheering for them the rest of the season. There’s no doubt in my mind that they’ll finish at least 3-3, if not 4-2. I can’t give them the automatic 4-2 because week 5 they will be playing Overby/Amie, which is my favorite beer pong team this year.

Overby/Amie vs. Dropping a Deuce

I hate to play favorites and make this a popularity contest, but if you want your opinion heard then write your own damn column. Overby/Amie is my favorite beer pong team this year. They have the perfect genetic makeup to be the best team. They have enough skill, beauty, intelligence, Brewers knowledge and charisma to overcome all odds that stand in their way They may not win a championship, but I guarantee you that they’ll share an experience that is unrivaled anywhere else in life. Now, on with the game.

I knew that this game would be very evenly matched. Weiser and Overby are similar in skill, and they both have enough sense to pick an excellent partner. Amie was strong last season, and it looks like Katee has stepped her game up to the next level. I knew this one would go shot for shot. When this happens, it is very important to get hot at the right moment, and always play for game 3. When 2 evenly teams meet in game 3, the previous 2 no longer matter. People may have their theories on momentum, but I think game 3 is up for grabs to the first team that gets hot and rides it to victory. Games 3 brings out the best or worst in us because your back is now against the wall and it is win or go home.

That in when I noticed a few things about Overby. It is something that I would like to touch upon; it is something that I call Beer Pong Attitude. BPA is present in all of us as we play our games, and just like regular attitude, it fluctuates between positive and negative depending on the situation. Basically, if you are playing well and hitting cups, you have a positive BPA. Adversely, if you are missing shots and beating yourself up, then you have negative BPA. C’mon Iceman, you say, all that you have done is stated the obvious. So what? Why does this matter? It matters because beer pong is as much of a mental game as it is a physical game, which will actually be my beer pong lesson next week, but I’ll give you a tease. Beer pong mentality affects beer pong physicality. If you think positively, positive things will happen. Mind controls muscles that shoot the ball, if clouded your mind is, cups you will not hit. It’s as simple as that. I’ll be blunt for a second – don’t beat yourself up after a missed shot Overby, while you were punching the wall Amie made a shot that kept you in the game. A good partner is able to carry you/keep you in the game even when you aren’t playing your best beer pong. You ended up winning because of your team, not because of a single person.

Although he had some negative BPA, all of that faded away once it came down to the kill. I’ll try to keep this brief, seeing as Overby and I had a 20-minute conversation on this, but it might not happen. When Overby is standing at the opposite end of a kill shot, he calms himself by facing 90 degrees to the left of the cup. He takes a deep breath (one that involves his entire upper body), turns, then hits the kill. If this sounds familiar, it’s because it is very similar to what Derrick Turnbow does before firing a 98 mph pitch towards home plate. And although Overby idolizes the Brewers, that’s not the reason that he does it. He does it because it slows the game down and allows him to play at his level. It’s just as much of a physical move as it is a mental one. I encourage you to watch him the next time that he attempts a kill. Sure, you may laugh, trust me, he said that he has had his share of doubters, but it works. I have seen it with my own eyes. When he set himself up for this Turnbow move, there was no doubt in my mind that this game was over. He tried to explain his actions but it was unnecessary because I completely understand why he does it. You’re talking to the guy who traces a line across the table before he used to shoot. I believe that move is called the Iceman Slide. I look forward to watching the rest of you season unfold, and I believe that you will lead the league in quality starts.

No Time for Love Dr. Jones vs. Stalvey’s Rejects

What would an Iceman article be like without a mention of his own team? I will start out by saying that my game play was atrocious. Not to take anything away from my opponents (Chris Hummel and Katie Jesse are both fabulous players) but I was off this week. That is why it is important to understand that beer pong is a team game. Unless you are Skemp or Riley, you will not be on fire every single week. Joey Kanz carried me this week by shooting 65% while hitting 2 kills shots. Not bad for a 2^nd week rookie. I almost gave the game away by allowing Hummel to get 5 steals off of me in 2 games, but thankfully Kanz dominated after the combine in game 2. We got our first victory as a team, congratulations from Christian for conserving beer, and I got a nice view of the future if we both get hot at the same time. Other than that I really didn’t pay much attention to our game because I was too focused on the goal – the almighty W.

Iceman’s lesson of the week – beer pong is a team game. I think I’ve already explained that one over the course of this week’s diary.

You know what really grinds my gears? – There’s not enough beer to play exhibition. I guess I could easily solve that problem by bringing over a 30 pack, but I came here to play beer pong, not to go home at 12:30 still sober. I only live 1 block away. I wanna stumble home wasted, because man I love pullin' my gun out when I go into my apartment because it scares my cat half to death. Mitchell!

Iceman’s shout outs –

Fresno Chris – I know you already played your week 3 game, but you already have amassed 6 kill shots in 3 weeks. That’s impressive, seeing as how you had to step out from behind a rather large but albeit handsome looking shadow for this season. Keep up the good work buddy. I wish you and Salmon Godspeed in your quest for greatness.

Brodey/Balkman – for living up to your former team name and making beer pong entertaining for people to watch. If beer pong ever becomes mainstream we’ll need more teams like yours to keep the audience enraptured. (Of course we can always encourage the play along at home aspect of the game.)

Christian – I know that I discretely and indirectly tore you apart last week in my grinds my gears segment, but I had to say it. You have proven me wrong by allowing Benny to morph into the player he has become. Although I can’t take back what I have said before, I appreciate everything that you are doing for this league.

Everyone else in the league that I did not mention – Don’t worry. I’ll be getting around to you in the coming weeks. We still have some more time to get to know each other over a plastic cup of room temperature beer or across the table from each other.

Lastly, Joey Kanz – I promised that I’d shoot a dead 50% this year, and I failed on my promise. Thankfully, beer pong is a team game and you were able to carry me in week 2. It’s good to know that I can count on you on and off the table. I’m also taken aback that you have been paying attention to my beer pong lessons and following them. I hate to say it, but I was right. You really made me proud in Week 2.

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time.
Until then –

You’re as cold as ice, you’re willing to sacrifice our love.
You never take advice, someday you’ll pay the price, I know.

- Iceman -

www.pookon.com