Pickle the Day: October 28th - People Let Me Tell You 'Bout My Best Friend

People, let me tell you about my best friend. I'm sure that I've mentioned Major Korben Dallas on this blog before or on Facebook, but just in case you are new to these parts, here he is. And yes, he is a cat. No offense to my human best friends, but I spend more time with my cat then any other living thing on this planet. Despite working 40+ hours a week (more in the summer) and trying to to have a life, I spend most of my free time at home. This is by choice mostly. I would just rather dress how I want (pants optional), kick back and do whatever I feel like doing. Most of the time that's working on various projects that are internet based. While this is mostly because this is my true passion, it is also because the majority of my friends are busy with their own lives due to being in a relationship, having children or being too cool to sit at home with their cat on a Friday night. I'm not complaining because I had the opportunity to go out and do something on both Friday and Saturday night this weekend and I turned them both down. Instead Korben and I watched Pacific Rim on bluray on Friday and Game 3 of the World Series on Saturday. He's my best friend and he doesn't leave the house, so if I want to hang out with him I can't leave the house either.

I have a history of loving my pets too much. I had Coach Gordon Bombay from 2006 - 2012 and he was my BFF. Unfortunately he didn't last forever and I had to say goodbye when he was only 8 years old. I still think about him all the time. He was the greatest cat ever. But don't tell that to Korben Dallas. I've had him for one year now and it took a while for us to bond. He used to bite me almost every day when I would try and pet him and I would tell everyone that my cat is an asshole. But he's my asshole. He has problems because he's from the streets. He runs around the apartment like he's trying to save the World or something and makes so much noise all the time. He cries like a little baby when he's hungry (he's about 3 years old) and stares at me when he's not sleeping. I have hundreds of pictures already (yeah I'm that guy) but the "photobomb" one here is probably my favorite. We hang out just like two dudes would only I call him sweetheart. I guess some dudes call each other sweetheart. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I talk to him like he can understand me and able to respond back. Despite trying to teach him the English language so he can use his words instead of his meows, it's still a one-way conversation. But it's the best conversation that I have all day because even if he judges me, he's doing it silently. Plus I can flip him off and there's not a damn thing he can do about it except stare back. Who flips off an animal? I suppose that I do. But I do it out of love. He's my best friend.

I have a lot of friends. And an awesome family. I've been lucky in life to get to know a lot of people and have those people accept me for who I am. I don't hang out with all of them nearly as much as I should but that's because I'm at home with my cat. So if you have a problem with that stop on over at my house. I promise I will be there. I bet a lot of you out there know exactly how I feel. A lot of people have dogs, cats, rabbits, ferrets, goldfish and helper monkeys living at their homes that they have become attached to. I'm sure there are even some of you out there who are in way deeper than I am. I don't litter Facebook with his pictures and I certainly don't dress him up in silly little outfits. I'm weird and everything, but there's a line that I don't cross. Weirdos. But not that there's anything wrong with that. I could go on and on about my friendship with my cat but some things are better left unsaid. The most important thing is that he is always here for me when I get home. Most days I don't anyone else in the World. But he loves me, he needs me for survival and he misses me when I am gone. I don't really get that feeling from anyone else in my life. Every one else will be just fine if I disappear for a few days. Their lives will go one. His will stand still. I have a responsibility. In some small weird way, I have a reason to live. If I'm gone then he will be too. That's why I can't go anywhere. Korben Dallas is too important to me. That little bastard is my best friend. And he's also my pickle today. There's only a few of them left and the jar is looking rather empty. I'm reaching towards the bottom and coming up empty. Who knows what will be here tomorrow.

- pookon -

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The Write Month: June 25 - The Night Shane Falco Saved Korben Dallas

It's no secret that I have a Man-Crush on Keanu Reeves. If that was a secret then it isn't anymore. I have a very unnatural fondness for Keanu Reeves and the movies that he makes. The Matrix. Hardball. The Devil's Advocate. Sweet November. Constantine. The Lake House. Speed. Point Break. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure was the movie that got me through college (on the night when I had to study for a big test or write a final paper, I'd put this movie on while I worked because my plight followed theirs... to lesser extremes of course). And even though I've always been a huge fan of The Replacements, it has now moved into my top 5 favorite movies of all time. It all started with the night that Shane Falco saved my cat Korben Dallas.

It was late on a Saturday night. May 18th to be exact. I took my Dad to see the movie Star Trek Into Darkness. We went to the 730pm show and got done around 10pm. Since I didn't have anything better to do that night, I decided to stick around and watch another movie. I walked into the 1020pm showing of Iron Man 3 only to find... not a single person in the theater on a Saturday night. Knowing that I would be caught dead red for sneaking into a movie where they didn't sell any tickets I decided to instead see the 10pm showing of Oblivion. It was alright. Nothing to write home about. Of course I wouldn't write home because I was just about to go there. So here  I am getting home a little after midnight and thinking it's probably time to go to bed. But I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels and there on TBS was The Replacements. So I sat and watched it even though I have seen it enough times to be able to quote the entire movie from beginning to end. I live my life by this flick. I can't help but watch it every time it is on TV. I also watch it on my own a few times a week. I guess I'm just weird like that.

While I was in the living room watching The Replacements I heard a noise in the bedroom. Something I've never heard before. It was my cat crying like he was in pain. It was new and bit alarming. Who'd have ever thought that it could be?  I quickly sprung up from the couch and ran into the room faster than Barry Allen. I searched all over the room but he was not to be found. I looked in the kitchen. Nothing. Not in the bath tub, not in the window, not in his favorite chair. I was freaking out. I had no idea where Korben Dallas was. And then I heard his cries coming from the one place that I didn't look - outside. My heart raced and my mind went to the worst possible scenario. I ran outside. I flew like the wind, with winged sandals on my feet. As I turned the corner I didn't know what to expect. Please be ok, I prayed to whoever was listening. And there he was in the 1st floor window, scratching at the screen trying to get back into his home probably unaware that he was not on the 2nd floor anymore. 

Apparently he figured out a way to push the screen out and fell outside. He was terrified. He clung to me so hard as I carried him back inside and up the stairs. I can't imagine the fear that was running through his body. I joke all the time that he is from the streets and therefor badass enough to fend for himself. But even though he bites me sometimes like a little asshole to remind me that he's dangerous, I know that he's a little softy on the inside. I set him on the floor and watched him walk around. He had no visible limp or hesitation. He didn't cry or squirm when I squeezed parts of his body to see if there were any broken bones or bruises. He acted like nothing was wrong. I stayed up with him for the next hour or so to make sure he was ok. He was fine. Just fine. Someone out there took good care of him. He didn't get a scratch. I promise. Not a scratch. Someone out there is looking out for me.

If not for my love for The Replacements I might have gone to sleep that night. But something, someone even, told me to stay awake that night and watch a silly movie that I've seen more times than any sane person should admit to. You can call it fate, Karma paying me back, Divine Intervention or whatever kind of higher power you believe in. I don't know what to call it. I just know that something protected him as he tumbled out the window and cushioned his fall. Something made sure that I was awake when it happened around 1:30am. Something made sure that through all of this we would be OK. I often feel just like Shane Falco. I mean after all, he said it best, "You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand. " A lot of things have gone wrong in my life. I struggle and fight. And just when it seems like everything was going wrong, something went right. I know that I've been thanking Shane Falco for saving Korben Dallas but I'm thanking the wrong person. I know that it was you Timmy. Thanks for always being there for me. I don't know what I would do without you.

 - pookon -

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The Write Month: June 16 - The Koala Punch

It's been a very long weekend and I'm exhausted from all the work it took to set up, rage and clean up from the 37th Reck Family Christmas Party. Thanks to everyone who came out and I'm sorry if I didn't get a chance to sit down and talk to all of you. I hope you ate some good food, were not too stumped by the trivia and that you were able to suck down the sweet goodness of a juice box or two. I'm off to meet my Pops for dinner to celebrate Father's Day so I don't have a whole lot of time to write today, so here is my entry for June 16th. Enjoy.

Genius. This is without a doubt one of my favorite commercials that I have ever seen. But it did not do its' job because I didn't remember what it was for until watching it again and I never have, nor will I ever go to CareerBuilder.com. So why is it amazing? Because it features a Koala getting punched in the face. This commercial first played at the Super Bowl in 2010 and it still makes me laugh. You can fault it for not achieving the goal of advertising for CareerBuilder.com but you have to admit that it is hilarious. Or am I way off? I wonder how many of you have the same sense of humor that I do. Watch the video and then see if you can get on board with what I'm talking about.

Now before you call the feds or PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) or my mother, let me assure you that I don't condone violence. Yeah, I assure you. But I do condone hilarity. And it is beyond funny that a koala is wearing glasses and speaking with an accent. And even better, that furry little marsupial gets punched right in the face. Who hasn't wanted to punch an animal in the face? This is not violence because it's just like a cartoon. Cartoons aren't real. I have a real animal living at my house and I would never ever punch my cat Korben Dallas in the face. But if he ever put on a pair of glasses and started speaking with an accent I might consider it. But I would not be able to punch him because he would probably pull a gun on me and ask if anyone else wanted to negotiate. That's what Korben Dallas does. If I ever came so close as to raise my hand to him, I could see my cat saying, "You wanna play it soft? We'll play it soft. You wanna play it hard? Let's play it hard." And then he kicks the shit out of me. You don't mess with Korben Dallas. He only speaks two languages - English and Bad English. But only if he is wearing glasses.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com