Movember - I Mustache You A Question

The month of November (Movember) has come to a close, so I mustache myself a question - what did I accomplish? In my eyes it was a complete and total failure. If the goal was to grow a mustache then I failed miserably with this pathetic attempt at upper lip facial hair. You can barely see it unless you come within kissing distance (and trust me, nobody does) and it barely shows up on film unless you get up close and personal (which no one wants to do). I had to do 5 or 6 different "selfies" before one worked out. The other ones ran for the hills which is what you probably did when you realized I didn't have my shirt on. Don't make me go topless. You wouldn't like me... when I'm topless. My other goal was to better my health through diet and exercise. I still drink alcohol like it is the cure for loneliness and I put more sweets into my body than Googy Gress does on an average Sunday. And exercise? I avoid that like I avoid contact with the opposite sex. Why do I fear working out? Why am I afraid of bettering myself so that I can live longer, create new memories and finally make a positive impact on this World? Why have I become so complacent with being that fat ugly bastard when there is a beautiful person inside of me waiting to come out and show himself to the World? Why is he inside of me? Did I eat him? Probably. I'll eat anything. Except for mushrooms and chocolate cake. There are some things I will say no to believe it or not. I'm in the same place that I was on November 1st. Nothing has changed. 

I vowed to change my mental health as well, and as you can read both between and on the lines, it's still pretty bad. I don't believe in myself and constantly beat myself with a stick until I bleed. I've sunken so far to the depths of the sea that not even James Cameron could raise me up like the Titanic. I wish I could just be happy like all of you normies. There's something in my head that prevents me from having... what's that called again... confidence? I'll shoot myself down nonstop but I'm never there to pick myself back up. It's like a double-edged sword. Cut on the first swing and then stabbed on the way back. I'm left bleeding out on the ground in a puddle of my own misery. It's all my fault too. I was wielding the sword. It was a self inflected wound. I need to learn how to stop cutting myself. Only then can I start to heal. Another goal was to raise some money for men's health issues like prostate and testicular cancer research. I donated $50 of my own money which is good I guess, since that is $50 more than they would have had if I wasn't involved. But I didn't campaign or try and raise money for this noble cause. I didn't even post anything on Facebook or Twitter to engage my followers to join me in my efforts. I didn't even try to raise money. I'm sure that my family, my close friends or even a stranger or two would have tossed me a couple of bucks. Even if someone other than me gave as little as $1 I could have done some good with that. But instead I did nothing. You really can't do anything worse than doing nothing at all.

I wish I could say that this was the most disappointed with myself that I've ever been. Slow down pal. There are so many to chose from that this doesn't even make the Top 10. I was destined to fail. In some ways it's just another chapter in a failure of a life. I was given so much but I decided to throw it all away in several senseless acts. I've had countless chances to redeem myself yet I have chosen just to sink myself further and further below the surface. I wish I could say I was sick of being a complete butthead and a total loser. But I'm not even close. In many ways I'm still a success and I will not stop until I've completely destroyed my life. I'm getting close. I can see it now. You probably could paint the picture with all of the colors I've given you, but you still don't have the whole palette. I'm more pathetic than you can ever imagine. I don't even know why I still try. Luckily there are a few reasons preventing me from quitting and giving up on life, but who knows how long that will last. The tunnel is getting darker as I move along, the glass is less than half full and I'm also running out of analogies here. Fuck it. I'm sick of talking about it. You all have so many better things to do with you lives than to give a shit about mine. I don't care so why should you? I'm so done with this. I'm sorry for wasting your time. Enjoy your life. I hope you figured it out because I'm stuck.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Movember - Movement of the People

I decided to join the Movember Movement. This idea came into my mind somewhere around October 20th when my brother James was in town. He's been one of the loyal readers of this blog and we had a very meaningful and deep conversation in the precious moments we were able to spend together. Life has thrown us a few curve balls and both of us have reacted differently. I'm very open and honest with my feelings through various mediums while he only shares his feelings with those close to him. I don't have a problem with that. To each their own. We all deal with things differently. There is no right or wrong, only Zuul. One thing that my big brother wants for me is to be happy, and he is concerned for my physical and mental well being. If you've read everything that I've written during October as part of the Pickle the Day experiment, you should be worried too. My life is kind of  a mess. But that doesn't mean that it has to be. I've had a plan to turn my life around. I've had this plan for a very long time. It is well thought out and has a simple step-by-step process to follow in order to get me to be Living the Dream instead of just #LivingTheDream. Trust me, it makes sense. He asked me why I haven't started this plan yet. I told him that I needed two things - a goal and a push. I have that goal now. It will be revealed at the end of the month. Sorry again for the tease. And here is the push - Movember.

For the last 13 days or so, I've had a plan to better my mental and physical health. I decided that November would be a perfect time to do this. During this month I pledge to do a few things and the first of which is to take better care of my body by regulating what goes into it. This means eating less, eating the right kinds of foods, consuming less alcohol and sugary drinks, taking vitamins and drinking more water. For this month I'm going to do my best to stay away from things like candy, snack foods, fast food, soda or anything that is unnecessary for the body to survive. I'm not going to say that I can completely do without it. That's impossible. I'm human. And a fat human at that. It'd be like a monkey going without bananas. Moderation is the key. I need to be smart about it. I need to understand that I'm not perfect and I'm probably going to screw this up at some point. But I must be smart about it. I must think before I do and stay true to my promise. I am capable of doing anything that I put my mind to. It's amazing what you can achieve when you want something so bad. I want to be healthy in body and in spirit. I want to be like you. I want to be one of the normies.

Exercise is the next step. I don't do it nearly enough. There's some kind of number that is floated out there of recommended amount per day but I'm going to ignore that. Why? Because I know what I can and can't do. Look, walking for longer than a few minutes makes me tired and out of breath. How am I supposed to handle 45 minutes of brisk movement? I'll start small and increase it from there if I know I can handle it. My goal is to exercise in some way for 30 minutes per day to start off. Any kind of movement will do. I sit at a desk for 8+ hours a day and when that is done I go home and sit at my computer. This lack of movement is literally killing me as we speak. I don't have to do a lot but I have to do something. I've tried to go to the gym before. I'm one of those suckers that pays a monthly fitness membership but never goes to work out. You know how much money I spend on that shit? I need to stop wasting money and taking advantage of those opportunities. This is for the greater good after all. The world is a better place with Scott "Iceman" Reck living in it, and I should stick around for a while and try to realize that.

My mental health is the 3rd thing that I need to work on. I have to start thinking positively and not feel like a worthless piece of shit. I'm a great person who is helpful, has a good heart and mind and has plenty of wonderful things to share with the world. I'm funny, creative, kind and loving. I'm not the asshole that I paint myself out to be. I am a positive and worthwhile part of the lives of the people who exist around me. I'm lucky to be a part of their journey and they are lucky to have me be a part of theirs. Life is a beautiful thing. Every day that we wake up we are given a chance to write another chapter in our story. We are given the chance to turn it all around. To make up for the wrongs that we may have done and to better ourselves going forward. We only get one shot at life. For the most part I think that I've wasted 32 years. Sure, there's been some pretty sweet things along the way (how many people do you know that have been the star of a documentary?) but my life has been nowhere near what I expected. So it's time to at least put myself in a position to live up to those expectations. It's time to chase some dreams. It's time to work towards some goals. It's time to start living. It's time to move on. It's time to get going. What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing. But under my feet baby, the grass is growing. It's time to move on. It's time to get going.

And now we get to the Movember part. I didn't intend for it to be a factor. I was already planning on making November a health month for myself, but then I decided that as long as I was going to help myself, why not try and help other people as well? If you aren't familiar with Movember, here is some information from their website: 

Campaign Strategy & Goals:

We will get men to grow moustaches and the community to support them by creating an innovative, fun and engaging annual Movember campaign that results in:

• Funds for men's health program investment

• Conversations about men's health that lead to:

- Greater awareness and understanding of the health risks men face

- Men taking action to remain well

- When men are sick they know what to do and take action

Program Goals:

Living with and Beyond Cancer

Men living with prostate or testicular cancer have the care needed to be physically and mentally well.

Staying Mentally Healthy, Living with and Beyond Mental Illness

• Men are mentally healthy and take action to remain well

• When men experience mental illness they take action early

• Men are not treated differently when they experience a mental illness

Men's Health Research

We will fund innovative research that builds powerful, collaborative teams that accelerate:

• Improved clinical tests and treatments for prostate and testicular cancer

• Improved physical and mental health outcomes for men

So yeah, I'm clean shaven today (November 1st as I was writing this) and I'm going to be growing a mustache for the entire month. I promise you that this is going to get weird. I might have to steer clear of schools, day cares and toy stores because I'm going to look the part. I have a hard enough time growing a decent beard or goatee, so a mustache has always been out of the question. But it is for a good cause, not just for myself but for all mankind. Cancer is very real and very scary. I pray to God I never know that first hand. I'm all for giving what little money I have to help us figure out a way to at least help people deal with this life changing illness and hopefully someday figure out a way to cure it. It's a dream worth fighting for. With every day that goes by we learn more about the human body and the World in which we live in. I'm not necessarily for playing God or going against God's will (I'm a believer in that God decides when it is our time to die) but why should we have to suffer if we don't have to? People weren't meant to live lives in pain and in sickness. We are supposed to be happy and filled with joy. We are meant to be free. I'm all for that.

I realize that this is a lot to take in. This is what happens to me at 3 in the morning when I can't sleep. While you're off counting sheep or having Adventures in Slumberland with Little Nemo, I'm sitting awake and coming up with all these crazy ideas. But are they really so crazy? Many people all over the World do things like this, so I know I'm not alone here. If you want to join my cause, I encourage you to do so at my Movember page. Here is the address:

http://us.movember.com/mospace/8200465

If you don't feel comfortable putting in your credit card online or only want to contribute couch change or a couple of bucks, just toss it my way the next time you see me and I will add it online. And if all you want to do is offer some support to me for my efforts to better my physical and mental health, you can do that as well. I'm not asking for anything. I already have the love and support of countless family and friends who help me out on a daily basis. And I understand that money is tight. I have student loans that I will never pay off even if I keep working until the day that I die. I get it. But I'm also not going to stop you if you want to support a good cause. It's your life. You get to choose what you want to do with it. That's one of the greatest things about it. I have decided to try something new. I have no idea what will happen, but I'm willing to take the risk. What's the worst that could happen? I stand nothing to lose here. Well, unless you count looking like a creeper with a goofy mustache losing. I don't even know how I come up with this stuff. My mind is a twisted place. But if even a little bit of good comes out of this crazy idea, then it isn't so crazy, right?

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 18 - A Back Breaking Reality

I haven't posted an Episode in well over a month because I haven't recorded anything lately. But I forgot that I had a couple of episodes in the hopper for times like this. Call it Lois' rainy day fund. I actually recorded this episode on March 1st but for some reason it's getting posted on May 16. Why the lapse of time? I don't really know. Granted I did have a really busy March and April but there is no excuse for the delay. It's not like anyone cares about this shit anyway. But I recorded this shit so I might as well post it even though so much has changed since then. I'm a different person than I was on March 1st even though it's only been 2 months. But it's like Cheech Marin (as the New York City dock worker) said in Ghostbusters 2 when the ghost Titanic arrived, "Well, better late than never." That's the attitude I'm going to take here. I do enjoy these little snipits of my life because they capture where I am at a particular point in my life that will never be replicated. Life is a series of moments strung together by time. At this particular time I was struggling with a lot of broken things in my life. My back was killing me for no reason and I hurt really bad for about 10 days. It was damn near crippling and I felt so helpless. My car was also broken and in the shop so I was borrowing my Dad's Baby Truck, which definitely didn't help my back. You know Chris Farley's "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" routine in Tommy Boy? It's like that except "Fat Guy in a Little Truck" when I drive this vehicle. All of that made me exceptionally upset in this episode and I provide one of the most angry commentaries in this Drive to Stay Alive. In that regard it is definitely worth a listen. I certainly can laugh at it now. So I have at least been able to entertain one person. I just wish that I could touch more people. And I wish that they would like it. Let me touch you by listening below.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 18 - A Back Breaking Reality: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep18.mp3

For some reason I recorded the 2nd half of this episode nearly a week after the 1st one. This allowed me to calm down and have a completely different perspective on the return trip of this episode. And then something happened on this drive home that got me fired up once again - other drivers. Every now and then the fact that I record this while I'm driving affects what I talk about as I just lose my mind in a rage-fueled tirade. That's when the F-bombs start dropping and everyone has to duck and cover. It gets a little weird here every so often which is why I keep recording this and posting it in the hopes that you check it out. Like I said, it is entertaining to me but then again so is my life. I love this shit. So I'm going to keep on driving. I'm going to keep on living. That is until God decides to stop this drive. Who knows when that will be. If it is in my power I'll see you again soon. Drive on my friends.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

My Back Hurts!

I've been of the larger persuasion for all of my adult life. Although I can't run or jump or keep up with people who are in good shape, I've never felt like my weight has held me back. I've always been able to function in a normal sized world even if I can't do everything with ease. But even though I'm arguably functional I have recently made it a priority to get in better shape and to hopefully shed some of this weight. I have been going to the gym for about a week and a half until I hit a major snag. I live in Wisconsin and while it is very nice in the Summers the Winters can be a real bitch. We recently got dumped on hardcore with a shit ton of snow and I shoveled several times for my Landlord (who is pregnant) and my Mother (who I owe my entire life to). In the past 2 weeks I have put more stress on my body than I probably have in the last 2 years. That is the only reason that I can understand why my back hurts.

When I say my back hurts my thoughts immediately go to Mr. Deeds which is why I have provided that scene here. It is so ridiculous that it makes me laugh every time and this movie will always hold a special place in my heart because it is the last one that I watched with Timmy. But my back seriously hurts and it is no laughing matter. I brought up my weight and the lack of a struggle with it because for the first time I have felt like a prisoner in my own body because of this back pain. I have never been incapacitated before and until this  moment I was able to deal with it. But I spent the entire weekend sitting on the couch feeling like a waste of space because it hurt too much to move. This is insane. I'm not terribly active but I hate being forced to sit around. I don't like being told what to do. My body is an asshole and I don't listen to assholes.

The worst part about it is that I really do want to change my lifestyle. I want to get in better shape and skinny up a bit. Women don't find me attractive and bullies probably still make fun of me for being fat. So the will is there to do something but for the time being I just have to sit back and wait. It's frustrating and I would have never thought that something so simple as my back would prevent me from doing anything at all. It really puts a lot of things in perspective because there are people who live like this every single day and there is not a damn thing they can do about it. That sounds horrible to me because I'm expecting my issues to dissipate within the next few days and I can resume normal activity. I can't even begin to imagine living with chronic pain or being paralyzed. I hope I never have to experience that in my lifetime. To me that is a fate worse than death.  I'm already living with some kind of suffering. Lord help me from living with another kind.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

"7 in 7" - Episode 4 - Money Isn't Real George - American Diabetes Association

When I was deciding which charities to choose from a couple of them were no-brainers because they were ones that have personally affected my life in some way. Today's charity is the American Diabetes Association. I don't have diabetes but I might have it someday. But I have a couple of family members that do. My Dad has had it for something like 15 years, being diagnosed when he was in his 40's. And if I remember correctly both of my Grandparents have it so there is some family history. This sort of thing should concern me because diabetes has been shown to be hereditary for it arises in the body because of a genetic defect. I'm no scientist but from what I understand about diabetes is that Wilford Brimley has it. Or at least that's what I learned from watching commercials during The Price is Right. And what do you do if you need home testing equipment? Why contact Liberty Medical of course. They bill Medicare and your insurance; you pay nothing up front. Then they'll deliver it right to your door with no charge for shipping. I learned a lot from the old bastard from Cocoon and Ewoks: The Battle for Endor but apparently I didn't learn more than how to get testing supplies. So what is diabetes? And why should I care?

I'm not going to get all technical because that would involve a lot of research. But here are the basics. It is a group of metabolic diseases that prevents the body from either producing enough insulin or prevents the cells in the body from absorbing it. Insulin is a hormone that regulates carbohydrates and fat in the body and allows the body to use glucose as energy. When someone has diabetes their body cannot break down the glucose properly and it remains in the bloodstream and can lead to complications. You may hear the term "high blood sugar" which is very bad because it can lead to a number of problems such as heart disease, vision deterioration, high blood pressure which can lead to strokes or kidney disease, skin and leg issues which can lead to amputation and a multitude of other things that can arise. Sounds pretty horrible, right? It is pretty horrible but diabetes can easily be controlled if people take the right steps to keeping their blood sugar at normal levels or regulating the amount of insulin in the body.

There are three types of diabetes -  Type 1, Type 2 and Gestational. I'm going to focus on Type 2 because that is the kind that my Dad has. For more information on the others feel free to do research on your own. Type 2 diabetes can be regulated with a combination of a healthy diet, exercise and medication. As long as you keep yourself in relatively good shape and eat right, you should have no problem controlling and living with this disease with few complications. The problem is that 25.8 million Americans - 8.3% of the population - are diagnosed with diabetes and it's only getting worse because of the climbing obesity rate and the poor health habits of this country. The ADA estimates that there could be up to 80 million Americans with what they call Prediabetes, which is higher than normal glucose levels but not enough to be diagnosed as diabetes. Like it sounds, this is the precursor to diabetes and can be offset by healthy eating and regular exercise. But once you already have Type 2 diabetes there is no cure for it, just a way to manage it for the rest of your life. And that is why the American Diabetes Association raises money for diabetes research so they can one day find a cure. But that is only a portion of what they do. They supply people with the knowledge and medication to fight their disease. They also act on the behalf of all affected parties by representing them in our Country and insure that they are being considered. While this is a bunch a political mumbo jumbo to me, I take it that they do things like making sure children have access to healthy food in the school systems and that the people who don't have a voice in Congress can have someone on their side. Seeing as how diabetes is very troubling (cardiovascular disease is the #1 killer in America and can be the result of high blood sugar) it needs to be talked about and  always in the discussion when it comes to the general well-being of the population.

All of that was "book" knowledge about diabetes. Funny how I have to put book in quotations these days because I read it all on the internet. Books are becoming obsolete. Sorry about that little departure. Just an observation. All of that medical lingo is over my head and doesn't make it feel real because it is just a statistic. Well my Dad isn't a statistic. He's a person and his name is Michael. For me this thing is personal because I have seen my Dad become weak, get dizzy or become absent minded because of low blood sugar, which is another issue. People with Type 2 Diabetes have to eat on a regular schedule and drink plenty of water, which can be a problem for those who need to stay active to control their illness. I have watched him take handfulls of medicine which help to regulate his disease. I have ridden alongside him in fundraising activities like the Tour for a Cure bicycle ride. I have seen how it affects his life. I have seen what kind of problems it brings and how he has to constantly test his blood sugar and keep it under control. His disease prevents him from eating foods that we love such as ones high in carbs or high in fat. He has to watch his consumption of sweets and tasty things like potatoes and bread. I love toast and french fries more than anything in the world, and knowing that I would have to limit myself would probably make me cry. I can go without the sweets, but you also have to limit the amounts of meats, poultry and butter. This is starting to depress me. Living with diabetes doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun, which is why the search for a cure becomes something that I heavily believe in. For more information and to make a donation of your own please head over to the website - http://www.diabetes.org/

I don't provide my receipts here to show you how much money I am giving away. Believe me, it's not a whole lot. I wish that I could give more. It's my way of being held accountable and putting my money where my mouth is in a way. You read how passionate that I am about these charities so I'm guessing that you would believe me anyway and I wouldn't have to prove it. But it is just something that I have done over the last few days so there is no reason to stop now. While doing research tonight I started getting scared because this is a very real disease that could personally affect me more than it already has. That's because I am at high risk of diabetes due to my obesity and family history. I don't know what I can do because I have already tried getting into a regular workout routine (see my "7 in 7" entry I Want to Look like Jonah Hill by clicking through the Ill Archives on the right) with zero results. I might have been losing weight or at least getting healthier had I kept on going to the gym but I really don't see the point. Even though I've come on here and talked about positively changing my life by changing my attitude and behaviors, I still have so many self-esteem and self-doubt issues that prevent me from seeing the point of all of this. I keep writing about it and in a way I keep doing it, but I don't believe. So I don't try as hard as I could I guess. I don't like to do this but I need help. If you have read any of this "7 in 7" stuff that I have been writing over the last month and a half and if it in any way has made an impression on you let me know. I need some kind of positive reinforcement that I'm doing the right thing. I guess that's just the way that I am. Most people are like that I suppose. I guess I'm just looking for some kind of purpose in this world and some reason why I should continue working at improving. But if I don't hear from you I understand. After all, this reason has to come from within and until I learn how to self-motivate and burst out with confidence I'll be stuck...stuck...stuck. Just like Nikki Baker.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

"7 in 7" - Episode 2 - I Wanna Look like Jonah Hill - Day 7

Being all alone can be great sometimes but most of the time it's the loneliest feeling in the entire world. Whether you are out on the edge of a rock ledge or the only person in the gym at 11pm on a Monday night the feeling is the same. Right now you're probably saying that there is no comparison because there is no inherent sense of danger in falling to your death at the gym. Obviously then you're not a big man on a treadmill with shortness of breath. If I fall over and clutch my chest, who will be there to rescue me? I'm hoping for Jesus or my guardian angel but honestly I don't think it will ever come to that point. Sure, my chest muscles do hurt when I breathe but that's normal (at least I hope) because I'm working on muscles that I don't normally use. I'm hoping that with repeat visits the pain will be more manageable and it will feel a hell of a lot better than it does now. I can't stand to have pain every time I breathe because I kind of have to do that 25,000 times a day. And although I haven't tried it for longer than a minute when I go underwater or have the hiccups, I hear it's a bad thing not to do it. I'm not about to try it now because I have found a reason to be alive.

I don't know what that is per se, I haven't had any kind of spiritual revelation and I don't know the meaning of life. But if I had to wager a guess I would have to say that it is 42. So although I can't give you any answers I have found the need and the desire to search for them even if I don't know that I am doing it. Sounds so vague, I know. That's because I don't really understand it all yet. Today is technically the last day of this week's "7 in 7" challenge and I am eagerly anticipating what lies ahead and what new things I will try. This is such an adventure to live and think outside of my comfort zone that the possibilities are endless. And the best part of it is that the adventure carries on to the next week and becomes the Neverending Story. Well, except for rock biters, the child-like empress and Falkor. But damn I wish I had a Falkor. How sweet would my morning commute be? If anyone was in my way he would open his mouth and eyes and go "AHHHHHHHHHH!!" and make them run and jump into a dumpster. Plus I would get there in like 2 minutes and on my lunch break I could check out the Grand Canyon or spook people walking along the Great Wall of China. When I would be up on Falkor all my problems would go away and I would be free to feel the cool air on my face and hear the jumbo jets buzz by my ears. But then once Falkor got all tuckered out and had to land my troubles would be right down there waiting for me. So you can't fly into the sky on a hybrid dragon/dog beast and avoid them. Sometimes you just have to face them head on and make a concentrated effort to solve them.

I'm proud of myself for making an effort to change my life but I also must hold myself accountable for falling short of my goal. Today is the 7th and final day of this week's challenge to work out every day and as of tonight I only made it to the gym 3 times this week. I really dropped the ball over the weekend but I feel like in the long run I will have succeed. That's because I have taken the fear out of working out and removed any self-conscious doubts that I might have had. I have no problem working out and I will continue to go 3-4 times a week. Also this week I have made an effort to drink less alcohol and soda and instead drink the suggested 8 glasses of water per day. On top of that I am trying to limit the amount of snacks and sweets that I eat so that I have a more balanced diet. I know it's only been a week but already I feel better because of it. I didn't expect to see big results but I needed to at least see or feel something to convince myself that this was a good idea. As long as I continue this good habit then it will never be a failure.

You can't properly measure the impact of this life changing quest I'm on right now until time has passed but so far a week after limiting my TV and movie watching I definitely have been writing more. The proof is on paper. Or the internet in this case. My creative juices are flowing more than ever and they aren't even fueled by alcohol. That's been one of the greatest things so far. I liked to use alcohol to loosen up so that I could free write and be random but it turns out that I don't need that kind of nonsense. I came up with that whole Falkor bit on my own. No help from Ron Rico or Jim Beam, even though those two guys have been known to pitch in every now and then unless I need someone to help me carry a couch up 3 flights of stairs. But for the time being I don't need those lazy sons a bitches because I'm doing all of this on my own and I'm doing it for me. The gym isn't scary and working out isn't hard. You just have to make a commitment and stick to it. Even if you miss a few days. After all I never claimed to be perfect. But I won't let myself down. That's a promise.

So these last 2 adventures will carry on as I move forward, but what will be the next challenge that I take on? Wouldn't you like to know. Looks like you'll just have to keep coming back for more until your appetite is stifled. But make sure not to overindulge because the key to life is moderation. Going to the gym and working out every day for 7 days is certainly possible but is it the right thing to do? Maybe that works for you but I know that I need a day in between to recover so that I don't burn myself out and give up. I almost did that which is why I allowed myself to make mistakes and tailor this idea to suit me. In the past if I had to choose going every day versus not at all I picked not at all. Like it or not 50% is better than 0%. So I'm trying man. And I'm going to keep on trying something every week in an attempt to live every day instead of dying a little bit everyday. It's about time that I started living. And I feel more alive than ever. 

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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"7 in 7" - Episode 2 - I Wanna Look like Jonah Hill - Day 3

Globo Gym is evil. So is White Goodman. Thankfully they don't own my gym because I don't think I could handle any of their abuse as I try to turn this Frankenstein into a Frankenfine. OK, that's actually a pretty good line. I suppose I could live with being accosted with insults as long as he keeps throwing out clever one-liners like that. All kidding aside that's all I could think about when I was thinking about how evil gyms are and why people are afraid to go to them. A gym is very intimidating because for the most part everyone who is there is already pretty fit. Let's just say I kind of understand how a minority feels like watching Friends - Mom? Why is there no one who looks like me there? You would think that with a population of over 8 million a random minority would wander into the shot. What a reality shock I got when I first went to New York City. Thanks for warning me TV. So it's tough for a fat guy to walk in there and work up the confidence to even step on an elliptical machine. But at least I got that taken care of. Now I can work on the rest of my goals.

Goals like meeting these chicks and tricking them to falling in love me. Think of me like a project, a lumpy ball of play-doh that you can mold into whatever you like. The possibilities are endless ladies! So line up now because when I'm hot and good looking I'm not going to give you the time of day because you could have had me back then and you passed. OK, so I'll probably still take you. I'm pretty accepting and forgiving. I'll welcome you into my open arms. My toned and muscular arms. Ah but who knows man. I don't think I'll ever be good looking enough to get any chick based on looks alone so I better start working hard at my job. Money might be my only ticket to success so I suppose I better start making a lot of it. That's not going to happen. Maybe I can go out with a blind chick. If she can't see how hideous I am then she can't run for the hills. Well until she starts touching me and stuff. Let's just hope that she doesn't have arms then. I'm really narrowing down the search for a mate right now based on those qualifications (and I likely won't find one) so I'm going to go on to a better topic. One that's a little more uplifting.

I found this on the internet. Hell of a tool the internet is. I was searching for evil gyms and I got evil movie worms instead. If there is a better size chart out there I'd like to see it. I doubt there will be one out there that features 3 of my favorite movies (Jedi, Tremors and Beetlejuice) in such a hilarious fashion. And it is factually correct too. Boba Fett, Three Ninja's Grandpa, Beetlejuice and any of the unlucky fuckers in Dune can totally attest to that. I don't know if anyone got eaten by these things in the books or movies because I have never had the pleasure of reading/viewing those works of art. It's next up on my series of giant worm novels. There's just too many of them that I can't keep up anymore. Every time I try to read Dune a new Tremors sequel comes out. But that's alright though because I just can't get enough of Burt Gummer. Broke into the wrong god damn rec room, didn't ya you bastard! When Burt blows a hole in the Graboid's mouth with the elephant gun I'll admit that I cheered. Don't mess with a guy that has that much ammunition lying around. You could tell that the Graboids don't have eyes and operate based upon feeling vibrations because if he saw the shelf of guns when he punched through Burt's basement wall he would have turned and ran screaming for the hills. But Graboids never learn. That's why they chased Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward into the desert even though Burt had some homemade bombs. And how did that work out for the Graboids? Well if you you've seen the movie I hate to spoil it for you but I'll give you a hint - KA-BOOM!!

I'm hoping that things work out better for me. Remember how I said I wouldn't bullshit you? I started this "7 in 7" adventure on Tuesday February 14th and was attempting to go to the gym every day. It took me one day to break that streak. I didn't go on Wednesday. I felt like total shit and I was exhausted without actually doing anything. I know I should have gone anyway to make this a true 7 workouts in 7 days (the best I can do now is 6) but I failed. Sorry guys. I can't think of a way to make it up to you but I know that if I keep going this week and continue it past the 7 day period then essentially I will have accomplished my goal which is to change my life. So even though it looks bad to have missed a day right now in the long run it will not matter. I know I'm trying to spin a positive into a negative but I did go tonight and I feel a lot better because of it. We'll see how I feel tomorrow but I'm hoping that I'm able to keep this up because I need to be in shape. If I had to classify my shape right now I'd probably say oval. I'm trying to get to rectangle someday. I'd probably settle for square but heaven forbid I get to triangle. All bets are off once it gets to that point. If it ever comes to that I won't have to worry about completing a task or changing my life within a seven day period because I won't be a human anymore - I'll be a fucking triangle! And if you didn't know, things didn't work out so well for Triangle Man. Sure, Triangle Man hated Particle Man and they had a fight and Triangle wins. Then Triangle Man hated Person Man and they had a fight and Triangle wins. So you would think that Triangle Man is a winner, right? Nope. Turns out Triangle Man has anger management issues and he's doing a dime in San Quentin for aggravated assault and reckless homicide. Triangle Man is a loose cannon and without the meds he just might be a cold blooded killer. Do you really want me to end up that way? You really want to be responsible for that?

Well that's really all I got right now. Well I do have one more thing. Kind of like a parting thought or words of wisdom if you will. I'd rather be the biggest person in the gym than be the biggest person outside of it. At least in here I'm making a change. Out there I'm just another overweight American. In here I'm a difference maker. You might not see it that way but if I'm right then nothing else matters. I mean that with no offense but right now the only thing that matters is me. I have to get myself right and be happy with who I am before I can worry about others. That's not to say that I don't care. I do. I'm just having a really hard time showing it because I'm going through some shit right now. What I'm attempting to do goes against everything I believe in and I'm trying so hard not to quit. I don't want to be a loser anymore. I don't want to be a quitter. And most of all I don't want to be a failure. I want to be somebody. I want to be in the phonebooks. Well I don't really know what I want to be. I just know I don't want to be what I am right now.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

"7 in 7" - Episode 2 - I Wanna Look like Jonah Hill

It's not too often that someone would say that. In fact I doubt that anyone has ever said it and meant it. Who would want to look like Jonah Hill? I'd like to have his money and his humor (though I am doing just fine on my own with those two things) but until recently I didn't want to be him even though everyone already thought that I was. In every comment section where the Last Cup trailer played or when a review of the documentary was posted there was always at least one Jonah Hill comment. And who could blame them, right? Look at the picture on the left and say that it isn't me. I personally know that it isn't although I have grown my hair out like that and often wear a blue shirt. There were other pictures that show Jonah Hill when he was fat like me but I had to use this one because in this picture he is a spitting image of me. The likeness is uncanny and kind of creeps me out because it's like having a twin brother or a clone. But if you have been paying attention to celebrity fodder (and I know that you have because our country is obsessed with celebrity) then you would know that within the last year Jonah Hill got all skinny on me and he is no longer getting confused for me and vice versa. Something has to be done about this  because everyone needs a look-alike in case of danger. You never know when a decoy can come in handy. Hell it saved Queen Amidala's life in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. And if I try to look like Jonah Hill again it might just save mine.

Jonah Hill lost a ton of weight. I can't really put a number on it but just look at pictures and you can tell. Especially because now he looks all funny and shit with a weird big head and Will Smith Dumbo ears. But aside from that he's looking pretty svelte and I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a little jealous. People make it look so easy to lose weight but I suppose it isn't that hard when you have access to a personal trainer and nutritionist, not to mention access to all the best equipment and facilities. But he still had to put in the hard work that it takes to get yourself in shape. I can't say that I will ever look like Jonah Hill again unless he puts back on the weight but I certainly am going to try to lose some of mine so that I can live a healthier life. It's going to be a lot of hard work because I lead a pretty damn unhealthy lifestyle and what I am attempting to do this week is a complete and total life change from what I am used to. I plan on working out every day for the next 7 days while also changing my eating habits as an attempt to shock my body into accepting something new and be open to the possibility of change. This might not be the best way to do it especially because I talked about the effects and benefits of doing things in moderation. But I need to get into a routine and this is something that it is really important to me because I can no longer function in my day to day life at my present state. Putting on my shoes or walking 4 blocks has become so much more difficult than it should be. I can't handle this anymore and I'm hoping to learn a lesson by the end of the week. At the very least I hope to get at least a little bit used to putting my body through the rigors of a workout so that I am more likely to continue it when the week is over.

So that's basically it. I worked out tonight for a little over an hour and it was the first time in a little under a year that I did. I was working out a few times a week back before Timmy died and then everything kind of got mixed together. I was less worried about my physical health and more worried about my emotional stability. So I sat around and ate food and didn't get out much. I put on weight. I'm not going to pull any punches here on this blog during these adventures and I certainly won't bullshit you. The last time that I remember weighing myself I was around 370 pounds. Today I topped out at 400. That's fucking sad. I've always been a big guy (I can partly blame genetics but I mostly blame myself) but I never intended to be this big. That number is way too high and I will do everything in my power to lower it. Normally I would keep something like this confidential because it is a very sensitive subject for me but once it's out in the public I can't hide behind it anymore. A lifelong's worth of ridicule and fat jokes has left me to hide my shame. The only reason that I'm throwing a number out there is so that I might somehow be able to track the results from Day 1 to Day 7 and see if there is any positive proof of why I should continue to do this. In my mind I understand it but as I have learned during Week 1 is that my ideas are no good if they are kept bottled in my mind and I have to let them out in order to satisfy my need to create. 

And this is just really another chance to see if I can not only survive a week's worth of turmoil on my body but also to see if I can complete the challenge. I am notoriously bad at seeing things through so this "7 in 7" series is also meant to address that as well. So many things are happening at once that I am constantly learning and applying myself. So who knows. The only thing that I know is that I probably won't be doing a daily blog entry because that's not the point of this week's challenge. But as always if I do have something to say I will make sure to put it here. Chances are I will be too tired to lift my fingers to type but then again I may have developed super strength by then. This is going to be bad. In that good sort of way. Like making out with a chick with tattoos and piercings. I feel like I'm badass by association. Living life a little dangerously and taking a walk on the wild side if you will. And hopefully when this quest is finished I'll be hot enough to get any chick, not just the ones that dig me for my tattoos and money. Yeah, because I have so much of both that it's a staggering and alarming number that freaks the hell out of people. And now I'm just wasting time when I should be sleeping. It's now 3:00am, or the middle of the freakin' night for the lay person. I don't know why I stay up all night but it must be that adrenaline thing that athletes talk about. I don't want to go to sleep because I have a feeling that my body is going to really hate me in the morning. So much more than usual. I guess we'll just have to find out. One thing for sure is that this is the beginning of a very long week.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman