The month of November (Movember) has come to a close, so I mustache myself a question - what did I accomplish? In my eyes it was a complete and total failure. If the goal was to grow a mustache then I failed miserably with this pathetic attempt at upper lip facial hair. You can barely see it unless you come within kissing distance (and trust me, nobody does) and it barely shows up on film unless you get up close and personal (which no one wants to do). I had to do 5 or 6 different "selfies" before one worked out. The other ones ran for the hills which is what you probably did when you realized I didn't have my shirt on. Don't make me go topless. You wouldn't like me... when I'm topless. My other goal was to better my health through diet and exercise. I still drink alcohol like it is the cure for loneliness and I put more sweets into my body than Googy Gress does on an average Sunday. And exercise? I avoid that like I avoid contact with the opposite sex. Why do I fear working out? Why am I afraid of bettering myself so that I can live longer, create new memories and finally make a positive impact on this World? Why have I become so complacent with being that fat ugly bastard when there is a beautiful person inside of me waiting to come out and show himself to the World? Why is he inside of me? Did I eat him? Probably. I'll eat anything. Except for mushrooms and chocolate cake. There are some things I will say no to believe it or not. I'm in the same place that I was on November 1st. Nothing has changed.
I vowed to change my mental health as well, and as you can read both between and on the lines, it's still pretty bad. I don't believe in myself and constantly beat myself with a stick until I bleed. I've sunken so far to the depths of the sea that not even James Cameron could raise me up like the Titanic. I wish I could just be happy like all of you normies. There's something in my head that prevents me from having... what's that called again... confidence? I'll shoot myself down nonstop but I'm never there to pick myself back up. It's like a double-edged sword. Cut on the first swing and then stabbed on the way back. I'm left bleeding out on the ground in a puddle of my own misery. It's all my fault too. I was wielding the sword. It was a self inflected wound. I need to learn how to stop cutting myself. Only then can I start to heal. Another goal was to raise some money for men's health issues like prostate and testicular cancer research. I donated $50 of my own money which is good I guess, since that is $50 more than they would have had if I wasn't involved. But I didn't campaign or try and raise money for this noble cause. I didn't even post anything on Facebook or Twitter to engage my followers to join me in my efforts. I didn't even try to raise money. I'm sure that my family, my close friends or even a stranger or two would have tossed me a couple of bucks. Even if someone other than me gave as little as $1 I could have done some good with that. But instead I did nothing. You really can't do anything worse than doing nothing at all.
I wish I could say that this was the most disappointed with myself that I've ever been. Slow down pal. There are so many to chose from that this doesn't even make the Top 10. I was destined to fail. In some ways it's just another chapter in a failure of a life. I was given so much but I decided to throw it all away in several senseless acts. I've had countless chances to redeem myself yet I have chosen just to sink myself further and further below the surface. I wish I could say I was sick of being a complete butthead and a total loser. But I'm not even close. In many ways I'm still a success and I will not stop until I've completely destroyed my life. I'm getting close. I can see it now. You probably could paint the picture with all of the colors I've given you, but you still don't have the whole palette. I'm more pathetic than you can ever imagine. I don't even know why I still try. Luckily there are a few reasons preventing me from quitting and giving up on life, but who knows how long that will last. The tunnel is getting darker as I move along, the glass is less than half full and I'm also running out of analogies here. Fuck it. I'm sick of talking about it. You all have so many better things to do with you lives than to give a shit about mine. I don't care so why should you? I'm so done with this. I'm sorry for wasting your time. Enjoy your life. I hope you figured it out because I'm stuck.
I wish I could say that this was the most disappointed with myself that I've ever been. Slow down pal. There are so many to chose from that this doesn't even make the Top 10. I was destined to fail. In some ways it's just another chapter in a failure of a life. I was given so much but I decided to throw it all away in several senseless acts. I've had countless chances to redeem myself yet I have chosen just to sink myself further and further below the surface. I wish I could say I was sick of being a complete butthead and a total loser. But I'm not even close. In many ways I'm still a success and I will not stop until I've completely destroyed my life. I'm getting close. I can see it now. You probably could paint the picture with all of the colors I've given you, but you still don't have the whole palette. I'm more pathetic than you can ever imagine. I don't even know why I still try. Luckily there are a few reasons preventing me from quitting and giving up on life, but who knows how long that will last. The tunnel is getting darker as I move along, the glass is less than half full and I'm also running out of analogies here. Fuck it. I'm sick of talking about it. You all have so many better things to do with you lives than to give a shit about mine. I don't care so why should you? I'm so done with this. I'm sorry for wasting your time. Enjoy your life. I hope you figured it out because I'm stuck.
- pookon -
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
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