Pickle the Day: April 13 - A Stone's Throw Away

I'm supposed to exercise more. Everyone is. Ask just about anyone around you if they get enough exercise and I'm sure they would admit that they don't. With the exceptions, I think our society (and country) is headed in that direction. While that isn't what I'm trying to get into here (and I don't want to be preachy or tell you how to live your life) I had to mention it because it ties into today's pickle. I'm trying to be more active and take 10,000 steps per day and be actively moving for at least an hour per day. While this sounds pretty easy, it's a lot more difficult for me because of my desk job and sedentary lifestyle. That's why I glad that my new phone (Samsung Note 4) comes quipped with this S Health app. It keeps track of my steps per day and also of how active I am (complete with notifications for when I'm not being active). So what does this have to do with today's pickle? Glad you asked.

I don't eat a lunch at work. While I realize that's not the healthiest thing, I'm just not hungry. I don't think that I should eat when I'm not hungry. So I decided to do something productive with 30 minutes of each workday Mon-Fri. I've been doing this for the last 6 months every day that it isn't raining like a banshee or cold as balls. It's getting increasingly easier to spend a half hour outside as it gets closer to Summer, so I've been really looking forward to this time out from work. Since I only have a half hour to work with, I don't venture too far from the office. I started walking around the perimeter of the "campus" but that soon got old. Then I started walking around the neighborhood. I'm still exploring where I can go over this limited time, but on April 13 I found something I never new existed. Here was this pond (probably man made) just a stone's throw away from where I toil away on a computer all day. I wandered around a bit before I found this spot, so I only had a few minutes to sit on the hill under the tree and look out at the pond and take this picture. But those few minutes were all that I needed to understand that this moment was unlike any in my recent life. This moment calmed me down and centered me. All other moments were complete chaos. So I guess I have a new spot. And it's just a stone's throw away from where I spend a good chunk of my time Monday through Friday.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
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The Write Time and the Write Place - A River Runs Through It

I think it is evident by now that I love water. I love to be in it and I love to be near it. I don't know what it is exactly, but it gives me a very calming feeling and it centers me. When I'm having a difficult time with life, I either head to the airport to watch the planes take off and land or I go to the nearest body of water. Luckily for me, there are plenty of nearby lakes and rivers here in Wisconsin. But what about when I'm not at home? That's when it becomes difficult to find a place of solace. It's not that there aren't bodies of water outside of the state of Wisconsin. I'm sure that there are plenty of them. It's just that I don't really know where they are, so it takes some extra effort to find them and get there. I knew that a river runs through the back of my brother James' property in Columbia and I had been there many times before. But when I woke up on the morning that we were to leave and head back home, I felt like I had to head down there and see it again.

Much like I had ranted and raved about those Randoms having Lake Murray in their backyard, I couldn't help but be jealous of my brother for having this in his backyard. I don't know if he ever goes down there, but I certainly took advantage of it this morning. From his backyard it was difficult to get down to the river due to the slope of the bank, but I was able to walk down a little ways and "trespass" into the neighbor's yards to find the safest route to the water. So on this morning I hung out by the Rawls Creek and took in the beauty that nature was presenting to me. I wish I could put my feelings into words, but anything that I type will pale in comparison to what was washing over me at the place and time. How do you describe something like this? I guess this is one of the reasons why you are able to use pictures where words simply won't do it justice. So I'm just going to bow out and let these pictures do the talking for the moment. How can you not love a place like this?

I am technically walking distance away from the nearest body of water, as I could get to the Menomonee River on foot if I had the time. But it really isn't that close. I would have to plan it out and make an afternoon out of it. I can't just walk out into my backyard and collect my thoughts when I need to get centered. That's one of the more difficult things in my life. How do I find that river in my mind when I need to center myself? Maybe that's why I'm so lost all the time and my mind wanders to some pretty dark places. The dripping faucet in my bathroom is not the same as a babbling brook. A full sink full of dishes is not a pond (although in some Milwaukee neighborhoods, I can see how someone could confuse the two). There has to be something else there that centers me and allows me to reboot whenever times get hard to deal with and the nearest body of water is not accessible. I've seriously considered trying meditation. That might be the best option, as it can allow me to calm myself when I need it the most. You know what, that's going to be my next adventure. The next time that I need to center myself and a body of water is too far away, I'm going to try that. Can't hurt, right?

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

The Write Time and the Write Place - Just Around the Riverbend

We got down to the Carolinas on Friday night. Saturday was the Biltmore Estate and Sunday was hanging out in Columbia at some Random's house. My plan for today (Monday) was to go to the Atlantic Ocean (somewhere around Folly Beach) but the weather forecast made that a bad idea. I would go to the ocean all day, every day. To me it doesn't matter how hot or cold it was or even if it was pouring rain. I live so far away from the ocean that I'm lucky to get there once every other year. I was just in Oregon in February, so I really wanted to visit both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans in the same year. While that still may happen (I've got 8 months left in the year but not a whole lot of time or money, especially because I'll be in San Francisco in July), I was very disappointed that we couldn't do it today. The two things that hindered this was that Folly Beach is a two hour drive away (so then also a two hour drive back) and the forecast was calling for mid 50s and more than 50% chance of rain. So I was overruled by the rest of the gang. What we ended up doing instead wasn't the same as going to the ocean, but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

When we were looking for something to do, I started Googling "things to do in Columbia, SC." When all else fails, turn to the internet I guess. One of the things that I found was the Columbia Canal and Riverfront Park. This is where the Broad River and the Saluda River come together to form the Congaree River. This is right on the edge of downtown, and as you can see in these pictures, it really is a beautiful nature space among the concrete jungle of the city. We started out by walking over this pedestrian bridge across the river and canal. I took so many wonderful pictures that I kind of want to print out and frame to hang on my walls. Aside from that they had some placards that told about the history of the river and canal, as well as some of the old buildings in that area (such as the Columbia Penitentiary), which continued the history lesson from Saturday. I was learning all sorts of things on this trip and I was eager to continue that. Gaining knowledge is always a good thing because it does allow you to appreciate the World around you. To understand what had to happen by the hands of God or the hands of Man and what went into designing and constructing of these things makes them so much more remarkable. I'm not a God nor am I an engineer or a structural architect. I don't have the power, vision or intelligence to be on that level. So I have mad respect for anyone who is able to do something like this. 

But the best part about this was just being outside, with my family and doing something different than my normal day-to-day activities. It was a Monday, so I was supposed to be at work. But not today. Today I was having an adventure. Plus this helped me stay in line with my new goal that I set after getting my new phone. This phone keeps track of every step you take and I set a daily goal of 10,000 steps. I know that sounds like a lot, but it really isn't difficult if you just get outside and move around. I established a new step record at the Biltmore Estate on Saturday (of 17,323) and today I almost achieved my goal but I fell just short at 9,690 steps. Even so, this was more exercise than I normally get. It's a good thing to go out into the World and be active. Not only do you burn calories and hopefully extend your life, but you also get to experience more things and enjoy a grand adventure. I'm a writer and a storyteller. In order to be able to share more stories with you, I need to live them first. That's why I take advantage of these opportunities and get out there and do something. It may not always work out according to plan, but in the end it's always one hell of a ride.

We walked around the river for a few hours. There wasn't really a lot to see or do but it ended up being just what I needed. Sometimes less is more. Sometimes it is better to not have a plan or an agenda and just go with the flow. Sometimes what you didn't expect to find is waiting just around the riverbend. That's why you have to be flexible and keep an open mind (and  a good attitude) when things don't work out according to your plan. Because if you haven't already experienced this first hand, let me tell you here - the World doesn't care about your plan. The World has been here before you were born and the World will continue when you are gone. I'm not saying that you shouldn't make plans. All I'm saying is that you have to be open to new ideas and develop a way to quickly deal with change. Because change is going to happen whether or not you want it to. You have to change with it. And then, when you least expect it, that change works out for the better. It's just takes a little while for you to realize it.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

The Write Time and the Write Place - Some Lucky Folks Get This Every Night

It is natural to be envious of someone else who has something that you do not have. I would like to say that I am above or beyond that, but I am human just like every single one of you reading this post right now. I live in the outer regions of Milwaukee and I could walk to the "suburbs" if I really wanted to. But I am surrounded by concrete, buildings, stores, gas stations, man made green spaces and other city objects. Here in Wisconsin I do have the ability to easily venture into an area that is "untouched" by human hands that maintains a true and natural beauty. Every now and then I try and escape into nature and go camping for a weekend or take a moment to walk out in the park. But even when I do allow myself to take that chance, it only lasts for a moment, a few hours or a few days. It certainly doesn't repeat itself on a daily basis. That is why I was so incredibly jealous (and very upset that I would have to leave this place and go back to my real life) when I spent some time at a Random's house when I was in South Carolina.

This night was a total surprise to me and even though I'm pretty good at improvisation, I couldn't help but act a a little lost while hanging at a stranger's house. I guess they weren't really strangers because they were friends with my brother James and his wife Melissa, but these people were so Southern that I felt like Yankees like us weren't allowed to set foot on this hallowed ground. But (SPOILER ALERT), the North won the war. Sure, the South may rise again, but not on my watch M'nfer. No offense of course to the ones who are true Southerners who still believe. But it's not going to happen pal. But we can still be friends, right? I hope so, because I really like hanging out down here. To be honest, I've been spreading lies just now. Tim and Kristy did unleash some real Southern hospitality upon us and they graciously welcomed us into their home. After I settled in and checked my inhibitions at the door, I was able to enjoy the good company, good food and great surroundings that this night gave us. 

Even though it sounds like I am being a real son of a bitch for making fun of our hosts and rehashing facts from the Civil War, I really did enjoy my evening here. After all, I got free eats, dinner and a show AND I got to hang out with my entire family. What more can you want in life? This was magical and I didn't even have to deceive you in any way. But I still wish that I was in a position to have this in my backyard. I don't even have a backyard (it belongs to my neighbors downstairs - I just rent this place).  So I appreciated every moment of being here. I did not take this for granted. I understood that I was given an opportunity to experience a different way of living, if even for a brief amount of time. I'm not there. I doubt that I will ever be. But I feel like if I keep on trying, I might be able to get close. There are a lot of lakes in Wisconsin. If I am fortunate to grow old and be able to retire, I'd like to get a cabin on the lake. I would love to wake up every morning with this kind of view in my backyard. I would love to sit out on the dock and just stare out into the nature surrounding me. To play guitar and be inspired by the earth, wind and water. To sit back and listen to the sounds that present themselves on a daily basis. To just be and let it all happen. I'm not there. I don't know if I will ever be. But I do know, that for a few hours on a Sunday night in South Carolina, I got a glimpse of what it could be like. And it was amazing.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 15th - A River Runs Through It

This experiment has become increasingly more difficult with every passing day and I only have myself to blame. Reason #1 is the rule that I put in place - the picture has to be from that day or the day before to qualify. Reason #2 (which doesn't help #1) is that I just don't get out and do anything. I don't lead a very social life or at least do anything worth sharing. I wake up, go to work, go home, stay up until 4am then go to bed for like 3 hours. Then I repeat. Every now and then something cool happens to me but it's all by accident. I rarely go out and live life on my own. I have such a dull routine that I hardly notice the World around me. I make the same drive to and from work and I never really noticed that I cross over a river every day. The Milwaukee River to be exact. I know that it's there. It separates the Eastside from the rest of town and cuts right through downtown Milwaukee. There's plenty of bridges over it (which become more noticeable when they are closed for repairs) but I have gone back and forth over them so many times that I forget about them. I still see them though. 

The one in the picture never really occurred to me because it is barely above the river and  it takes mere seconds to cross it. Every now and then I see someone fishing off of it but it wasn't until yesterday that I made my way down by the river for a closer look. It is what it is. There's no deeper meaning here. I could try and make some connections like there is a divide between who I am and who I want to be and that I need to figure out how to bridge the gap before I fall in and drown. I could once again comment on reflections but this time speak of how things are not always they seem on the other side and that you never know exactly what lies beneath the surface. I could go on and on about water being the bringer of life and how we must reconnect with it to feel whole again. There are so many things I could do here but I'm not going to. I took a picture of a river passing underneath a bridge. Or did I take a picture of a bridge passing over water? You be the judge.

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't even know if you care or if you ever did. I wanted this to be fun. This has seemed like work. But there are like 16 days left. As long as I've come this far I might as well keep going. Why cross a bridge halfway? Where does that get you? Halfway over the water, that's where. You can either keep on going, turn back or jump off. I don't like where I came from. I'm not ready to jump off and end it all. What does that leave me with? I guess I need to keep going. The World often presents you with choices. There may not even be a right choice. But you still have a choice. That's what makes life worth living. Today may not be the best day in my life. But there will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow could be the day when it all turns around. And I'll be there to take the picture and share another pickle with you. It may not always seem like it, but there's a full jar of them waiting to be shared. I just need to cross the bridge to find it.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 13th - Yeah, I Can Dig It

I'm not very good at doing physical labor. Walking, standing up for a long time, carrying objects, going up on a ladder, yard work, painting, fixing things, using my hands except for writing, being active or anything else normal people do. I'm not saying that I can't do those things. I'm not so useless that I sit on the couch all day unable to move without the assistance of those cranes they use to lift beached whales. I can get around in the World without having to use a Rascal scooter to support my critically obese body. I just said that I'm not very good at doing those things. I'm an artist. I create with my mind. Do you want me to write a paper on how to transform your backyard into a luscious oasis that will be an urban exotic locale for you host exquisite soirées that will undoubtedly make you the envy of your social ensemble? I can do that. If you would ask me to actually do it then you're in trouble. My first instinct would be to ask, "Are you sure?" then question that person's judgement. And also wonder why they don't know more people that could do something like that. You know that there is something called the Yellow Pages or the Internet where you can look up people who can do these things, right? Just checking.

Most people who know me understand that I should be the last person you call for help with physical stuff. I'm ok with that. I wouldn't call me either, not even if I was desperate  But the people who do keep asking me are my parents. It's like I owe them or something and they think that I can somehow repay that debt. Have you learned nothing from my 32 years of existence? I guess not. But every now and then I come through and actually do a good job. Like that time I cleaned out my Dad's garage. Or that time when I helped James paint the fence. Or when I set up the Christmas light display on the outside of Mom's house. But the one that I am most proud of is back in late May of 2011 when I dug out a garden in my Mom's backyard. The picture up on the top is what it looks like today with all of the flowers, a fountain and numerous trinkets that she has added to give her garden a little flair. 

My cousin Brian helped me dig up part of the back yard and it was a lot more difficult than I had expected. We had to dig pretty deep so that we removed all of the grass, weeds and roots from whatever was previously growing there so that it was just soil. After that we lined the garden area with these giant stones and filled it in with planting soil. I also put in these stone blocks that the fountain sits on and had to make sure that the entire area was level so that the fountain worked correctly. My Mom planted all of the flowers and made it look beautiful but she couldn't have done that without Brian and I. We moved a lot of earth too on a very hot day. I'm not used to actual work so I was hurting pretty bad afterwards. But now I'm thankful I did it and also quite proud of my work. I like to sit in the backyard, listen to the slow babble of the fountain and reflect on my life. It's like a little oasis where people can gather to share stories and enhance their relationships through mutual care and respect. So I guess I can write about it AND do it as well. Who would've thought.

I should've thought. I don't give myself nearly enough credit. I'm a whole lot better at just about everything than I think I am. I have a real problem with confidence and self-esteem and all of that psychological mumbo jumbo and it trickles down into every aspect of my life. I also don't think 4th dimensionally. I have a real problem with that too. I need to stop being so down on myself and just go out there and kick ass every day. I rule. And there's no one on this planet that can tell me otherwise. Sure, I am my biggest fan and no one listens to my kickass podcasts or reads all of this stuff that I spend countless hours putting together, but so what? Why should it matter if I don't have an audience? I know the truth. I'm freakin' amazing at everything I put my heart and efforts into. I need to be happy with myself and remember that if I put my mind to it, I can accomplish anything. Just like Doc always said. He might have been seen as a crackpot scientist but Doc Brown is a genius. I only hope that you see me in the same light. Come back tomorrow for another pickle that might either enlighten you or make you shake your head in confusion. Who knows what will happen because I've got a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 12th - Break on Through to the Other Side

The Earth fascinates me. It is a living creature that will stop at nothing to survive no matter what we try to do to stop it. The Earth doesn't give a shit about humans. It doesn't need us to survive. It was here before we were and it will be here long after we die. Even if we try our damnedest to destroy it (which mankind seems hellbent in succeeding) the Earth will rise from the ashes. It may take millions of years but it will rise again. It has happened in the past and it can happen again. Knowing this I can't believe that anyone would go out of their way to harm the environment  plants, animals or any occupant of this planet. I'm in no way an activist against government, global warming, pollution, war or any ill will that we do to harm this planet. I'm not going to campaign, protest, preach or try and change the World. I know that the World as we know it is doomed. But every now and then you are given a reminder that the World will survive.

On the way out to my car after work I saw this plant growing out of the asphalt of the parking lot. We may try to knock down all of the trees, dig up the grass and cover up the ground with pavement, but life finds a way. No matter what we try to do to prevent it from living, the Earth breaks on through to the other side. We can't stop it. We can't kill it. We can't even try and contain it. How many people in the history of the World have died from earthquakes? Floods, tsunamis, lakes and rivers? Fire? Storms, tornadoes and hurricanes? All of the other natural disasters? The Earth is fighting back. It's best just to try and live in harmony with it. That's easier said than done. I right now am using electricity which is generated by burning fossil fuels. This causes harm to the environment as does the excavating of these resources,  the building of places to use them, transfer them and dispose of them. I consume products that will ultimately we placed in a dump and buried which causes harm to the planet. I do my best to reduce, reuse and recycle but I'm not really helping in the grand scheme of things. We are fighting a losing battle against the planet because we are slowly killing it. One day it will fight back by self destructing and it kill us all.

Yeah I understand I yet again have a very morbid look on what should be a beautiful thing. For a plant to grow through a crack in the pavement takes a lot of strength, dedication and will. Instead of looking at this negatively I should be like the plant. I've got a lot of things preventing me from growing and sprouting out into the World. I will be perfectly honest and say that the majority of them are self imposed. I bring so much pain and sorrow upon myself and fail to see all of the wonderful qualities I possess. I am holding myself back and I have no one else to blame. I can't blame it on the Earth. I can't blame it on the fire. I can't blame it on the wind. I can't blame it on the rain. Only Milli Vanilli can. I can't really even blame it on my heart. And I sure as hell can't blame it on Captain Planet. "'BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!' Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. He's our powers magnified and he's fighting on the planet's side. Captain Planet, he's our hero. Gonna take pollution down to zero. Gonna help him put asunder bad guys who like to loot and plunder. 'You'll pay for this Captain Planet!' 'We're the Planeteers, you can be one too! Cuz saving our planet is the thing to do! Looting and polluting is not the way! Hear what Captain Planet has to say!' 'THE POWER IS YOURS!!'" Apparently the power is mine. I guess it is time to grab hold of that power and put it to good use. I will be that plant. I will grow. I will push myself to succeed no matter what obstacles lay in my path. I will survive. And I will be back tomorrow with another pickle for you. I have a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Pickle the Day: October 3rd - Nothing But Flowers

I don't appreciate the outdoors enough. I would blame my office job for keeping me couped up in a cubicle for 40+ hours a week but there are 24 hours in the day. There should be no excuse for not being able to get outside and check out all of the wonderful things that God has given us, like flowers. We have taken these naturally existing things and improved upon them by making them live longer, appear more colorful and even crossbreed them to create new species. The result is a pleasing display of beauty that I sometimes casually notice but for the most part ignore. I never stop to smell the flowers.

I take the same route to work every morning. I see pavement, cars and stoplights. I hardly even notice all of the other things that the city/Mother Nature has done to prevent this place from becoming a concrete jungle. Yesterday morning while waiting at the stoplight I looked to the left instead of staring anxiously at the red light to turn. And I saw flowers. I only looked at them for about 15 seconds before I had to move on, but in that 15 seconds I wished that I saw nothing but flowers. I'm tired of the garbage. I'm tired of the advertisements. I'm tired of the distractions that prevent me from really seeing the world. But mostly I'm tired of myself for not opening my eyes to the beauty all around me. It was just a small bed of flowers, but it stood as a reminder that there is always something worth looking at in the middle of this barren oasis.

I don't get out enough. I don't take advantage of what little amount of time we have good weather here in Wisconsin. I live my life on the internet instead of in the real world. And even though I'm writing this on an online blog, as I type, I am sitting outside on a rock as the sun beats down on me. Such a beautiful October day. It makes me wish that Winter will have the decency to stay away this year and we can all enjoy the wonders of the outdoors without freezing our asses off. That's never going to happen, so instead I'm going to make the most of the precious few days that we have left before outdoors turns into a harsher climate than the planet of Hoth. I hope that some freezing asshole doesn't try to cut me open so they can sleep inside of me for the night to survive. And I thought he smelt bad......................... on the outside. Come back tomorrow for another pickle. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

The Write Month: June 4 - A Center for Ants

This morning as I was walking out to my car I stepped over an ant hill. What is this, a center for ants? And it was. This was a place where ants could convene to talk about the topics that are troubling ant society. One of the most important topics has to be staying alive. Ants face mortality at every given moment because practically everything in their world is thousands of times bigger than them. The must live in constant fear of being stepped on, swept away by a cool breeze, flooded out by a few rain drops, sprayed with poison or eaten by other animals. How could you know that danger is out there and still go about your day to day working and raising a family? And yes I know, humans face danger every time they leave the house, drive their cars, get on a plane and do extreme things. But for the most part we do it with no fear. How can ants possibly do the same?

Everything in the ant’s world can quickly come crashing down around it. How many times has an ant been out hanging their laundry on the line and suddenly their whites are covered with ant blood? Too many times to count. As humans there are plenty of things bigger than us like trees, skyscrapers and mountains. But Mount Everest never killed anyone that didn’t ask for it. No innocent people have lost their lives on that slope. A mountain doesn’t just decimate an entire population below it. Yes I know volcanoes erupt and bury an entire town. Earthquakes, tsunamis, fire and other natural disasters claim seemingly more lives every year. It’s a wonder that natural disasters plus disease, famine and crime haven’t eradicated the entire human race.

But we’re still here. Ants are still here. The only way that makes sense is that they don’t live in fear either. It’s like Roland Tembo said in The Lost World: Jurassic Park, “Remember that chap about twenty years ago? I forget his name. Climbed Everest without any oxygen, came down nearly dead. When they asked him, they said why did you go up there to die? He said I didn't, I went up there to live.” We step outside of the comfort of our homes because we must. We throw caution into the wind to reap the rewards of taking a chance. We dangle on the edge. We tip toe the line. Sometimes we lose. Sometimes we win. But if the ant never leaves the hill in fear of the outside world he will certainly starve to death. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather die living than live dying. That’s what the ant does.

And before you say I don’t know what it feels like to be an ant let me regale you with this one example – this is the 2nd time I’ve written this entry. The first time it deleted on my phone before I could post it. Now it’s not exactly life or death but I got a prime example of how something so totally out of your control (technology to me, everything else to the ants) can change things in an instant. I’m lucky that it was just my genius first post was deleted and not my life. I have many more that I could share because although I’m big in a physical sense, there are many times in my life that I’ve felt so small and crawled into my hill to hide. We all do this. We are all ants in a way. But in many ways we are something so much bigger.

Ants aren’t so lucky. They will always be small. So there isn’t much I can do to help you my ant friends. I won’t go out of my way to kill you, but I won’t go out of my way to not kill you. If it happens it was a matter of circumstance. I meant no intention of ill will, no malice nor vengeance. I am sorry. This is the way the world is and I apologize. Most people don’t think about the world around them but for a moment this morning when I stepped over the ant hill instead of on it. I’d like to think I made a difference. I’d like to think I care about the ants. I’d like to think they matter. I’d like to think I matter. I’m not an ant. But still I feel so small.



 - pookon -

www.pookon.com

"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 4

 Tea Leaf Green - Taught to be Proud Tea Leaf Green - I've Been Seeking Tea Leaf Green - Flippin' The Bird

I've provided a few tracks from the Tea Leaf Green album Taught to Be Proud that I was listening to during today's journey. There's something about their music that really resonated with me tonight and really set the tone for what transpired during the evening. I really hope that you listen to them as you read this to put yourself in my state of mind as I was living this adventure. It's the closest that you can get to being along for the ride.

I thought that I was out of ideas and that I would be back to wasting my time watching TV because you can't write without having something to write about. But that isn't the case. The world is full of ideas and sometimes you just have to go out and find them. Yesterday I made a passing mention that maybe today I would just go for a drive and see where the road takes me. When I left work today I turned left out of the parking lot instead of turning right. Armed with moderate knowledge of Wisconsin geography and a very good sense of direction I let my heart be my compass and just went. I didn't have a time frame nor did I have a destination. When I hit a fork in the road I let my hands decide which way to turn the wheel. There was no way to get lost because I had no idea where I was going. It was really liberating and gave me a feeling of pure joy and adventure. You always hear people say that the possibilities are endless and I'll use that phrase as well but I really mean it. It was like a choose your own adventure book only you don't have to follow the directions on the bottom of the page. You could just randomly flip to any random page in the book and go there. This adventure doesn't make sense to some people and it's not meant to. My Mom asked me what I did tonight. I told her that I drove. She said to where? I said nowhere. She didn't understand the concept of driving without a destination. You can't explain it to someone who doesn't get it but in this blog I'm going to try.

When life doesn't present you with excitement and adventure (a Jedi craves not these things) you have to venture outside of your comfort zone and find it yourself. Back when Timmy was in high school and I was in my first years of college we used to drive around Southeastern Wisconsin listening to music. The whole point was to listen to an entire CD and take it on the road and create a new experience. One particular time that sticks out was back when 102.9 was Lazer 103 they used to sponsor a Rock Stage at Summerfest. They used to broadcast the headliner's show live on the air for free and one night we went out driving because Tantric was playing. We headed west and I remember passing by St. John's Military Academy in Delafield. I had heard about the place but this was the first time I ever knew exactly where it was. That was summer so we had the windows down and I also remember stopping at a Burger King drivethru for dinner and we ate in the parking lot of a park and ride while we had the doors open on the car and cranked the music. For us at the time it was something to do for relatively cheap (that was back in 2002 when gas was like $1.40 a gallon) since Timmy didn't have a job and I was making minimum wage. It certainly was cheaper than paying to get into Summerfest if you believe that. It is one of those memories that stick out because everything about it was perfect. Come to think of it now it was so much better than going to the concert for sure.

So now you get the basic understanding of where this idea came from and why it means a lot to me. I didn't intend for this week to be so Timmy-centric but I guess nearly every thought or memory that I have includes or is about him. He was such a huge part of my life so I suppose that's why it has taken me so long to deal with this. I never got music or concerts like he did. I didn't see the point in listening to music as the primary focus instead of something that is on in the background. I think that I'm starting to get it. Tonight I drove around listening to one of Timmy's favorite bands Tea Leaf Green (which I'm hoping you are playing right now as you read this) and I got it. Music is such an expressive form of art and it has the ability to move you if you are in the position to let it influence your mind and heart. Driving around by myself through dark back roads having no direction allowed me to soak in every word, melody and solo riff. It was perfect. I don't know how to explain it because you can't fully explain a feeling but I felt like Timmy was right there with me along for the ride. I felt free and liberated in a way I hadn't felt in a long time and for a few hours the sadness went away. Of course it always comes back but for a little while I was given the opportunity to momentarily let go of everything that was weighing me down and just live life with no troubles and worries. Someday I hope to find a way to live like that without having to take a 3 hour drive through the countryside. I mean shit, gas is like $3.50 a gallon nowadays and I wasted over 1/4 of a tank tonight achieving my goal.

Wasting gas? No. It's only a waste if you got nothing out of it. I gained a whole lot tonight so let me start telling you about my adventure. I work in Bayside so I started heading North and found myself in the village of Thiensville and more importantly the Thiensville Park and Dam. I had never been over here before and I am fascinated by dams and other man made structures that attempt to corral and control nature. I walked around down by the dam and faced towards the West and I was able to grab one final picture of the night sky before it was totally dark. Since I was down by the river I decided to throw some rocks into it. That is one of my favorite things to do in the world because it reminds me of being a kid and how everything was so simple and you could take pleasure in the most basic tasks. Whenever I need to center myself I throw rocks in water or I go to the airport and watch airplanes take off and land. That is something that totally fascinates me because I'm one that believes that man wasn't meant to fly because we weren't given wings. But man decided to do it anyway and figured it out. The mystery of flight is incredible and watching powerful jets zoom overhead leaving the ground for the skies just makes me feel so small. It's kind of humbling in a way but it also leaves the possibility that we can achieve the impossible. I could sit and throw rocks for hours much like I could watch planes take off and land. It's just one of those things that works for me.

Living in the city I don't get to just sit around and look up at the stars at night. There's too much city light blocking the view. But from my park bench at the Thiensville Dam I could see the constellation Orion, Jupiter and Uranus. It made me pause because I realized that the stars are always there but why I am not? I haven't sat around and just stared at the universe since Afterglow in July. Sure a lot of that has to do with city dwelling but as I found out tonight all that I have to do is take a little drive and there they are. Right there where they have always been waiting for me to find them. I've always been really big into astronomy and that was such a big bonding subject between me, Timmy and our Dad. I used to know the names of so many stars and constellations but somewhere along the way I forgot about them and started focusing on more "important" things like finances and worrying what other people think about you. None of that stuff is important to me. What is important is knowing who you are and how you fit into the universe. Everyone plays a role and none of us are small and insignificant. We are all interdependent on each other and when a piece is missing the machine never works the same way again. You are a part of it whether or not you like and it is in your best interest to make sure you know your role and work smoothly.

It's not always easy to find our place in this world. Trust me. Oh you don't trust me? Well then trust Michael W. Smith. He's been looking for a reason and roaming through the night to find his place in this world. There's not a lot to lean and he needs Your light to help him find his place in this world. If there are millions down in their knees. Among the many can you still hear him? Hear him asking where does he belong? Is there a vision that he can call his own? Show him that he's looking for a reason, roaming through the nights to find his place in this world. If that doesn't move you than nothing will. In 2004 when I worked at Alpine Valley I had the pleasure of sitting backstage at a Michael W. Smith concert during this song and I can assure you that the audience was right there with him trying to all find their place. And just in case you think that I am making fun of him, God or his music, I will let you know that I was right there with all of them singing along. I grew up on Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith and if I had to take that or the crap they pass as music these days I'll take Christian Rock every single time.

Somehow I found myself in the town of Slinger which is about 30 miles from where I started from when I left the work parking lot. I just kind of kept driving until I decided to stop and that place ended up being the Slinger House in "downtown." It was a nice little corner pub and I mingled with some townies and they bought me a couple of shots. I sat and listened to their stories about how it is okay to have a sleep over with your Stepmom's niece because she isn't related to you and that they were in Milwaukee once, on 27th and National, and they will never go back again because it freaked them out. It sure is nice to mingle with these laid back country folk, isn't it? The bartender was really nice and she cooked me up a mean chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon and a side of waffle fries. I know she did it extra special for me because you always need to impress the bigshot out of towners who might want to bring their business up here on a more regular basis if you treat them right. That or she was just really good to me because she thought I was hot. Can it be both? I was there for about an hour and it was really good to just go and do something different in a place where you've never done it before.

The whole time that I was out driving I kept on saying that I was going wherever God was taking me, but I never meant for him to take me to Holy Hill. When I left Slinger I put in a new Tea Leaf Green CD and I started heading South back towards Milwaukee. I realized that I was near Hubertus and that this Basilica of the National Shrine of Mary, Help of Christians was nearby. I know that the signs in the area surrounding the Holy site state that it is open from 5am-5pm and that the grounds are regularly policed by security and sheriffs, but I just had to go anyway. I was on a mission from God. I asked God to lead me where I should go and he brought me here. I was fully prepared to play the religion card if they had tried to stop me but I wasn't there long enough for the fuzz to interfere with my plans. So I stuck around long enough to get a few pictures and then I started Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.

On the way back home I shut off my GPS on my phone and instead decided to play it like an old maritime Sea Captain and use the moon for navigation. Like the Sun it rises in the East and sets in the West, so I knew as long as I headed towards the moon I would be heading back to the place I called home. I also needed to get back South so once I found a highway that had it's assigned number followed by South I went along my merry way. I know that it wasn't the most practical and quickest way to get home but that wasn't the point. It sounds corny but it was never about the destination, it was all about the journey. And as you read today I did everything from throwing rocks to mingling with townies to saying a prayer in the presence of the Holy Mother Mary. And the biggest thing that I realized is that it is amazing what you can do when time doesn't matter because you have so much of it. I reallocated my time so that I could do random things like this and I am better off because of it. I didn't worry about getting somewhere in the quickest time possible like all of the other drivers riding my bumper and passing me at the first opportunity because to me time was irrelevant. I didn't have to be anywhere and I didn't have to do anything. I could just enjoy what happened and wasn't disappointed by anything because there was no promise of greatness in the end. I think that I've found a new way to live and it was so easy to do. All that you have to do is change your perspective and attitude. It's like I've been saying the whole time man - don't try to change the world. That's impossible. Change yourself and the world changes around you. I can see that now. I can understand how that is possible. And all it took is for me to turn off the TV. Imagine what I could do if I harnessed this potential and actually did something with it. It's scary to think what I could accomplish. But that is another topic for another day. I have a feeling we have only started to scratch the surface on what is most likely a game changer for me. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me tomorrow.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 3

Yesterday I challenged myself to go out in the world and find something beautiful. Since 1 day isn't enough time to go out and find a special lady to be in my life I looked to the next best thing - the sea. Well actually the lake. I said the sea because I look to the sea and reflections in the waves spark my memory. Some happy, some sad. I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had. Those of course are some lyrics from the song "Come Sail Away" by Styx. I know I've cried during a lot of songs over the past year but when I saw Styx at Summerfest last year (July 2011) I looked up towards the heavens and cried differently during this song. That's because Styx was one of Timmy's favorite bands and that was the first concert I had been to since Timmy died. That night the lyrics hit me really hard but in the end I was left with a very positive message, "But we'll try best that we can to carry on." That's all that we can really do. I know that Yoda would say do or do not, there is no try. That wise old Muppet is usually right and I'd follow him into battle on Kashyyyk during the Clone Wars for sure. Who wouldn't want to fight alongside Wookies? Just hearing them do their battle cry would be worth the risk of death. But seriously, I'm trying man. In the end I hope I can look back and realize that I did instead of tried but right now I can't promise anything. I'm trying to carry on. Rage for Timmy.

During work today I took a lunch break and went over to Doctor's Park in Fox Point. I used to go there a lot when I was younger because my Grandparent's lived pretty close by. We used to have a family reunion type picnic every summer growing up but it's been so long since I had been there. As I walked around the park some memories started to come back to me and I remember playing baseball and having water balloon fights with my cousins. But I still had no idea how to get down to the water. I walked around for a bit but time was running out since I only had a half hour break. But even though the minutes were ticking away against me I decided that I still had enough time to sit down on a park bench and take a picture of the lake through the trees. And even though I was supposed to start heading back to work I sat there and just stared. I don't go by the lake enough. We here in Wisconsin are so fortunate to have one of the Great Lakes (Michigan in this case) border our state but I for one don't appreciate it. Say what you want about the area around Bradford Beach and Summerfest but I like the Northern Milwaukee part of it like it is here in this park. Granted it was February but there was no one else around and I just sat there by myself and just soaked it all in. It was a very beautiful moment and even though it lasted just that long, it was the most worthwhile moment of my entire day. 

I don't know how I feel about that because that means the rest of my day was shit in comparison that sitting on a bench looking at the lake was the best part of it. Or I could be positive and say this was so beautiful and simplistic that nothing could compare and that this was the highlight of my day. Taking in a beautiful moment should be a good thing and should always be celebrated. In fact I'm going to take a few minutes every day to stop and appreciate life. I can't always promise to get a scenic nature picture but I will promise to enjoy life if even for a moment. Some days it is tough to enjoy the time outside of that moment but there is no reason not to. It doesn't matter if I have a less than exciting job. It doesn't matter if I don't have a social life. It doesn't matter if I don't have someone to love. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!! - The Rock. It don't matter if you're black or white - Michael Jackson. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning is winning - The Fast and the Furious. It doesn't matter how slowly you go - so long as you do not stop - Confucius. Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn't matter which color does the hating. It's just plain wrong - Muhammad Ali. It doesn't matter that I just spent a half hour looking for those quotes on the internet. I still consider that to be something productive where as sitting motionless in from of the TV wouldn't have produced the same results. I'm eager to hear your argument that what I'm doing is just as unproductive as watching TV or movies. Surfing the internet and presenting your findings would seem like a waste of time to a lot of people, but that's how wonderful this little experiment of mine really is.

I'm not going to tell you to turn off your TV. I'm not going to tell you to put a couple bullets in in and dump it in the woods killer style. All that I'm asking you to do is what works for you. If you want to follow in my footsteps then take something that you don't like about yourself, come up with a plan to fix it, then stick to the plan. You've already read about mine so make up your own. Or don't. Do whatever you want just be happy with your life. At the end of the day you are the one who has to live with yourself. Unless you have roommates. Then they have to live with you too. So for your sake, for your roommate's sake please just live your life in the best way possible. I know that it has only been a few days but I can promise you that I am a much more pleasant person to be around because I don't have any pent up feelings or stifled creativity. I need an outlet or else I'm just an asshole to everyone and if this blog serves as that outlet then we're all better off because of it. And since there is no shortage of ideas brewing in my head I should have enough material to keep everyone around me safe as long as I stick to it. So if you like what I am writing here and you like me better when I am positive encourage me to keep going because before I was a walking ball of hate. I don't want to be that way but like all changes it's so hard to go through them on your own. I need support. I need love. I need ice cream. I need a warm blanket at night. I need to smile. But most of all I need a reason to smile.

And speaking of smiling I heard Jewel's "You Were Meant for Me" on the radio this morning on the way to work. Remember yesterday when I said that I love a girl who can sing? I remember first hearing it in 1996 and instantly fell in love. I'm not ashamed to admit it's one of my favorite songs of all time and I love the video just as much. In the summer of 1997 I used to watch VH1's Top 10 Countdown every day just to see this video. I remember the music from that summer well because it also brought me songs like the Spice Girls' "Wannabe" and Savage Garden's "I Want You." And who could forget Paula Cole's "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" But none of those songs or artists stuck with me like Jewel and I'll also admit that I own all of her albums and poetry books. I think it's pretty evident at this point that singers really do it for me and if they can play guitar well then that's what I like to call the jackpot baby. So as far as I'm concerned we've got a winner here.

Jewel - Music - More Music Videos

I took a little break from writing to play some guitar. I must have jammed for a good 45 minutes if not an hour. I didn't really learn any new songs today but my main focus is just to memorize the chords and lyrics of a couple of songs and go from there. Some of the songs I'm getting really good at are Puddle of Mudd's "Blurry", The Wallflowers' "One Headlight" and Tom Petty's "Walls". The Tom Petty song is really important to me because Timmy and I played it at Afterglow a few years ago. One of the best times I ever had doing music with him was outside of our cabin on the picnic table. It was just the two of us and it was midweek in the evening time. The sun was just setting and the lake was very calm and soothing. I pulled up the chords for Timmy so that he could learn the song for the campfire that night. After playing the chords as they were displayed on the internet he told me that they were wrong and he promptly figured them out without listening to the song. He could remember how the song went from memory and could piece it together. He had such an ear for music and was able to pick up any song and play it after hearing it just once or twice. I don't think I could ever get to that level but as long as I am able to play the songs that I used to hear him play I at least get to be a part of it again. And I don't even have to be that good at them anyway. Timmy had a great saying about playing guitar - fake it 'till you make it.

I saw a kite up in the tree at the park today and I got sad. Who knows how long that kite has been up there? I hope it hasn't been alone up there since the summer time. It's snagged on the tree branches and I don't think that even the strongest gust of wind will blow it off. This kite may never fly again. While that sounds like one hell of a terrible way to spend the rest of existence think about it this way. If the kite holds on and waits for Spring it will soon be surround with life as the tree starts growing leaves again. And that's kind of how I feel. Many times I'm alone in the cold clinging to a perch dangling on the edge of nothingness and then before I know it I'm surrounded by the ever growing love of my family and friends. Winter is cold and dark but you have to go through the absence of warmth and light to fully appreciate the Spring and Summer. People who live in tropic climates might disagree with me when they say that they would rather have the weather be great all year round. And I'm all for that if it works for you. But for me I love counting down the days until Opening Day and the baseball season. I love counting down the days until Afterglow. I love the shit out of summer. And if not for the Winter I don't think I would love it as much. We need change. Change makes you realize when things are different. Change helps you to appreciate what was, what is now and what it will be. Change is good. And so far these last 3 days have been exactly what I needed to get myself right again. And to think I came up with all of that just by looking at a fucking kite in a tree. I wonder what I'm going to think about tomorrow. I'm probably going to think about girls. I always think about girls. Can't get them off my mind. And there goes all the respectability that I earned by being all deep and philosophical. They see right through my ruse. Damn it.

Tomorrow is another day and also the midpoint of this "7 in 7" adventure. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my time tomorrow but I do know that I want to do something out of the ordinary. I kind of feel like going for a drive tomorrow night only I don't really have anywhere to go. That never used to bother me much but nowadays gas is so expensive that it kind of seems wasteful to drive with no direction. That used to fly back in the day before everything went to hell. So I guess I'm just going to leave it open and let it happen. I could do everything or I could do nothing. It's like Ian Malcolm said in Jurassic Park - life finds a way. Life will not be contained. Life breaks free. Life expands to new territories and crashes through barriers. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously. Life finds a way. And like I've been saying this whole time you just gotta let go of all the bullshit and allow life to happen. I'm starting to realize what is and what isn't important to me and acting upon it. This has opened up a brand new chapter in my life and who knows where I could go from here. I could go 4 more days then never breach this subject again. I could run away with it and become mega famous and get paid to blog. I could alienate everyone I know by being crazy as a hoot owl. And that's just the thing man. I'm sailing off into uncharted waters with this idea. It's like nothing that I've ever tried before and I can really take it as far an I'm willing to go. One thing for sure is that I won't run out of ideas or things to talk about because that's all I really got going for me. I'm poor, unattractive and I live with my Mom. My ideas are the sexiest thing about me. And if you keep on reading about them I'll keep on giving them to you. And you know you like it. Come back tomorrow for some more.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com