Tea Leaf Green - Taught to be Proud Tea Leaf Green - I've Been Seeking Tea Leaf Green - Flippin' The Bird
I've provided a few tracks from the Tea Leaf Green album Taught to Be Proud that I was listening to during today's journey. There's something about their music that really resonated with me tonight and really set the tone for what transpired during the evening. I really hope that you listen to them as you read this to put yourself in my state of mind as I was living this adventure. It's the closest that you can get to being along for the ride.
When life doesn't present you with excitement and adventure (a Jedi craves not these things) you have to venture outside of your comfort zone and find it yourself. Back when Timmy was in high school and I was in my first years of college we used to drive around Southeastern Wisconsin listening to music. The whole point was to listen to an entire CD and take it on the road and create a new experience. One particular time that sticks out was back when 102.9 was Lazer 103 they used to sponsor a Rock Stage at Summerfest. They used to broadcast the headliner's show live on the air for free and one night we went out driving because Tantric was playing. We headed west and I remember passing by St. John's Military Academy in Delafield. I had heard about the place but this was the first time I ever knew exactly where it was. That was summer so we had the windows down and I also remember stopping at a Burger King drivethru for dinner and we ate in the parking lot of a park and ride while we had the doors open on the car and cranked the music. For us at the time it was something to do for relatively cheap (that was back in 2002 when gas was like $1.40 a gallon) since Timmy didn't have a job and I was making minimum wage. It certainly was cheaper than paying to get into Summerfest if you believe that. It is one of those memories that stick out because everything about it was perfect. Come to think of it now it was so much better than going to the concert for sure.
So now you get the basic understanding of where this idea came from and why it means a lot to me. I didn't intend for this week to be so Timmy-centric but I guess nearly every thought or memory that I have includes or is about him. He was such a huge part of my life so I suppose that's why it has taken me so long to deal with this. I never got music or concerts like he did. I didn't see the point in listening to music as the primary focus instead of something that is on in the background. I think that I'm starting to get it. Tonight I drove around listening to one of Timmy's favorite bands Tea Leaf Green (which I'm hoping you are playing right now as you read this) and I got it. Music is such an expressive form of art and it has the ability to move you if you are in the position to let it influence your mind and heart. Driving around by myself through dark back roads having no direction allowed me to soak in every word, melody and solo riff. It was perfect. I don't know how to explain it because you can't fully explain a feeling but I felt like Timmy was right there with me along for the ride. I felt free and liberated in a way I hadn't felt in a long time and for a few hours the sadness went away. Of course it always comes back but for a little while I was given the opportunity to momentarily let go of everything that was weighing me down and just live life with no troubles and worries. Someday I hope to find a way to live like that without having to take a 3 hour drive through the countryside. I mean shit, gas is like $3.50 a gallon nowadays and I wasted over 1/4 of a tank tonight achieving my goal.
Wasting gas? No. It's only a waste if you got nothing out of it. I gained a whole lot tonight so let me start telling you about my adventure. I work in Bayside so I started heading North and found myself in the village of Thiensville and more importantly the Thiensville Park and Dam. I had never been over here before and I am fascinated by dams and other man made structures that attempt to corral and control nature. I walked around down by the dam and faced towards the West and I was able to grab one final picture of the night sky before it was totally dark. Since I was down by the river I decided to throw some rocks into it. That is one of my favorite things to do in the world because it reminds me of being a kid and how everything was so simple and you could take pleasure in the most basic tasks. Whenever I need to center myself I throw rocks in water or I go to the airport and watch airplanes take off and land. That is something that totally fascinates me because I'm one that believes that man wasn't meant to fly because we weren't given wings. But man decided to do it anyway and figured it out. The mystery of flight is incredible and watching powerful jets zoom overhead leaving the ground for the skies just makes me feel so small. It's kind of humbling in a way but it also leaves the possibility that we can achieve the impossible. I could sit and throw rocks for hours much like I could watch planes take off and land. It's just one of those things that works for me.
Living in the city I don't get to just sit around and look up at the stars at night. There's too much city light blocking the view. But from my park bench at the Thiensville Dam I could see the constellation Orion, Jupiter and Uranus. It made me pause because I realized that the stars are always there but why I am not? I haven't sat around and just stared at the universe since Afterglow in July. Sure a lot of that has to do with city dwelling but as I found out tonight all that I have to do is take a little drive and there they are. Right there where they have always been waiting for me to find them. I've always been really big into astronomy and that was such a big bonding subject between me, Timmy and our Dad. I used to know the names of so many stars and constellations but somewhere along the way I forgot about them and started focusing on more "important" things like finances and worrying what other people think about you. None of that stuff is important to me. What is important is knowing who you are and how you fit into the universe. Everyone plays a role and none of us are small and insignificant. We are all interdependent on each other and when a piece is missing the machine never works the same way again. You are a part of it whether or not you like and it is in your best interest to make sure you know your role and work smoothly.
It's not always easy to find our place in this world. Trust me. Oh you don't trust me? Well then trust Michael W. Smith. He's been looking for a reason and roaming through the night to find his place in this world. There's not a lot to lean and he needs Your light to help him find his place in this world. If there are millions down in their knees. Among the many can you still hear him? Hear him asking where does he belong? Is there a vision that he can call his own? Show him that he's looking for a reason, roaming through the nights to find his place in this world. If that doesn't move you than nothing will. In 2004 when I worked at Alpine Valley I had the pleasure of sitting backstage at a Michael W. Smith concert during this song and I can assure you that the audience was right there with him trying to all find their place. And just in case you think that I am making fun of him, God or his music, I will let you know that I was right there with all of them singing along. I grew up on Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith and if I had to take that or the crap they pass as music these days I'll take Christian Rock every single time.
The whole time that I was out driving I kept on saying that I was going wherever God was taking me, but I never meant for him to take me to Holy Hill. When I left Slinger I put in a new Tea Leaf Green CD and I started heading South back towards Milwaukee. I realized that I was near Hubertus and that this Basilica of the National Shrine of Mary, Help of Christians was nearby. I know that the signs in the area surrounding the Holy site state that it is open from 5am-5pm and that the grounds are regularly policed by security and sheriffs, but I just had to go anyway. I was on a mission from God. I asked God to lead me where I should go and he brought me here. I was fully prepared to play the religion card if they had tried to stop me but I wasn't there long enough for the fuzz to interfere with my plans. So I stuck around long enough to get a few pictures and then I started Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.
On the way back home I shut off my GPS on my phone and instead decided to play it like an old maritime Sea Captain and use the moon for navigation. Like the Sun it rises in the East and sets in the West, so I knew as long as I headed towards the moon I would be heading back to the place I called home. I also needed to get back South so once I found a highway that had it's assigned number followed by South I went along my merry way. I know that it wasn't the most practical and quickest way to get home but that wasn't the point. It sounds corny but it was never about the destination, it was all about the journey. And as you read today I did everything from throwing rocks to mingling with townies to saying a prayer in the presence of the Holy Mother Mary. And the biggest thing that I realized is that it is amazing what you can do when time doesn't matter because you have so much of it. I reallocated my time so that I could do random things like this and I am better off because of it. I didn't worry about getting somewhere in the quickest time possible like all of the other drivers riding my bumper and passing me at the first opportunity because to me time was irrelevant. I didn't have to be anywhere and I didn't have to do anything. I could just enjoy what happened and wasn't disappointed by anything because there was no promise of greatness in the end. I think that I've found a new way to live and it was so easy to do. All that you have to do is change your perspective and attitude. It's like I've been saying the whole time man - don't try to change the world. That's impossible. Change yourself and the world changes around you. I can see that now. I can understand how that is possible. And all it took is for me to turn off the TV. Imagine what I could do if I harnessed this potential and actually did something with it. It's scary to think what I could accomplish. But that is another topic for another day. I have a feeling we have only started to scratch the surface on what is most likely a game changer for me. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me tomorrow.
- pookon -
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
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