That's not me. That's Thomas Jefferson. Why would you think that was me? I'm not old, I don't have white hair and most importantly I wasn't President of the United States of America from 1801-1809. I guess I don't blame you for getting confused because you don't see ol' Tommy too often on American currency. He's on the $2 bill which is rarely even circulated in the United States and accounts for under 1% of all paper money annually produced. And he's also on the nickel which is worth $0.05 cents. How many people carry change around with them? You might have some random change to plug the parking meter or get a tasty snack from the vending machine but even then you probably use quarters. Since people rarely see Thomas Jefferson's face (with the exception of those people who frequently visit Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota) I often get confused with being him because that's the first name that comes to people's heads for some reason. Thomas Jefferson at least made a pretty big contribution to American History that he is at least on the tip of people's tongues when they see me and can't remember my name. You are forgiven. But like Thomas Jefferson I too was sitting in a chair today although I hardly doubt that I was doing something as important as signing the Declaration of Independence or approving the Louisiana Purchase. Nope. On Saturday I was farting around writing Friday's (Day 5) entry because I was too tired to write it on Friday night because I got home after midnight. And unlike Thomas Jefferson who wrote some of the most noteworthy papers in American History, I was Googling "sad kitty" and writing about animals pooping at the zoo. So as you can see now (if you weren't convinced before) that I am not Thomas Jefferson. That was just one of the images that I found when I searched for "sitting at a table" and decided to use it because of the uncanny resemblance that he bears to me. It's like looking in a mirror. Hot damn! Maybe I am Thomas Jefferson! What the hell have I been doing with my life?
That's not my girlfriend. That's Mila Kunis. But she will be my girlfriend someday. It was one of the images I found when I searched for "woman sitting at a table." The whole reason I've been single all these years is because I've been waiting for my time to swoop in and make her mine. Out of respect to my brother Timmy I didn't make a move at her while he was still alive. I remember once we were watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall and he looked over at me nonchalantly when she was on screen and said to me, "You know what? I'm going to date Mila Kunis. She's going to be my next girlfriend." He was single at the time and I believed him. Between the two of us he was most likely to land this stunning beauty because he had the looks and the talent. All that he had to do was get famous and popular and they would no doubt hang in the same social circles and it would be destiny. Well sadly it didn't work out that way but I have made it my goal in life to carry on Timmy's legacy. So all of you hot girls out there who are smothering me can you please back up off me? Yes, technically I'm single but in my heart I'm taken. So stop with all of the late night phone calls and suggestive pictures in my email inbox. I don't want to have to ask you twice. Things are getting ridiculous and sometimes a man just has to be left alone so that he can think. I can turn off the TV and movies but I can't stop these women from showing up at my doorstep so I can esquire them about town on a Saturday night. I can't take you out for a romantic evening if I am already emotionally invested in someone else. I appreciate feeling wanted but seriously girls, I belong to Mila.
That's not me. That's a bear. And it's one of the images that I found while searching for "sitting at a table." Look I'm getting tired of the fat jokes and I know that I should shave my beard, but I'm not big and hairy enough that I should be getting confused with being a bear. OK so I like fish, eat a little honey now and then and I have been known to tell my friends that only they can prevent forest fires but let me clear this up once and for all - I AM NOT A BEAR!! And why would a bear sit at a table? Is he waiting for dinner? Um, I don't know if you know this but you are a bear. Scare the shit out of some city slickers in the park and steal their lunchables and pre-wrapped gas station sandwiches. And if you are lucky you might also get a 6-pack of PBR. I know that humans carry guns and tasers nowadays but you can't worry about stuff like that. Your tummy is rumbling pal and sitting around waiting for a corndog to magically appear in front of you is not taking advantage of your animal talents. And they wonder why the animal obesity rate is skyrocketing in America. Too many animals are sitting around just waiting for the food to come to them. And most times it does too. I know that if I saw a bear waiting patiently at a picnic table like this I would bring him a scrumptious breakfast with eggs, sausage, whole wheat toast, fruit cocktail and some parsley as garnish. With a tall cold glass of orange juice to drink and maybe a frosted danish for desert. Anyone (be it man or beast) that has such good manners deserves to be rewarded. And if I ever see a bear like this I will approach it with some boiled goose and potatoes au gratin. And the bear will proceed to eat boiled goose, potatoes au gratin and me. If that ever happens then it was nice knowing you everyone.
That's not my table. That's a table that you can plant things in. I'm only showing it because it is way cooler than the table that I was sitting at all day Saturday (no offense Mom). Basically nothing happened except that I sat at a table and worked on stuff. I got some things accomplished but it's your basic run of the mill stuff that I've been working on lately so it doesn't deserve as much mention as Thomas Jefferson, Mila Kunis or a bear sitting at a picnic table. I wish that I could say that my Saturday was as exciting as the rest of the days this week but it was pretty average. I slept in, made pancakes and speghettios for breakfast and read the newspaper. Then I went outside and shoveled snow. Then I pretty much sat at the table working on stuff until about 530pm. Then I had to leave to go pick up Jenny Reck because we were going to the Milwaukee Bucks game at 8pm. I won 2 free tickets to the Miller Lite Home Court Club which came complete with 3 free beers and all you can eat pizza, hot dogs, popcorn chicken, snacks and cookies. Yum yum. First we went to Major Goolsby's to hang with Freeway because he's always there. But seriously our friend Luxe works there and he's cool as shit. We got cheap drinks, free eats and drinks at the Bucks game, then the Bucks lost and we ended up back at Goolsby's for some post game drinks. That pretty much sums up 6pm until 1230am. And just like that my Saturday was over.
I did so much this week that my Saturday was just pretty normal except that I didn't watch TV. I probably would have spent the entire day watching some movies or something so I guess doing anything was better than doing nothing at all. So in essence I achieved my goal. But wait!!! There'a more!! There is still one more day and I have no idea what I am going to do with my time. I think that the important thing is that I do have time to do things with. It certainly is better than always feeling rushed and never having any time do anything. Plus tomorrow I can have one of those "what does it all mean" conversations with myself where I figure out why I decided to do this shit to begin with. I have some pretty good ideas because this week I was such an idea man I could have worked in the advertising department of a Fortune 500 company. I would have taken their already overflowing profits and driven them skyward! TO THE MOON ALICE!! The world would not be safe if I was able to take over an entire department filled with creative people with college degrees. And then I would be able to show them a thing or two because I am super smart these days because I have no distractions messing with my head. So take that America. There is nothing that you can do to stop me! Muh ha ha ha ha haw haw!!!
- pookon -
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
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