"7 in 7" - Episode 2 - I Wanna Look like Jonah Hill - Day 7

Being all alone can be great sometimes but most of the time it's the loneliest feeling in the entire world. Whether you are out on the edge of a rock ledge or the only person in the gym at 11pm on a Monday night the feeling is the same. Right now you're probably saying that there is no comparison because there is no inherent sense of danger in falling to your death at the gym. Obviously then you're not a big man on a treadmill with shortness of breath. If I fall over and clutch my chest, who will be there to rescue me? I'm hoping for Jesus or my guardian angel but honestly I don't think it will ever come to that point. Sure, my chest muscles do hurt when I breathe but that's normal (at least I hope) because I'm working on muscles that I don't normally use. I'm hoping that with repeat visits the pain will be more manageable and it will feel a hell of a lot better than it does now. I can't stand to have pain every time I breathe because I kind of have to do that 25,000 times a day. And although I haven't tried it for longer than a minute when I go underwater or have the hiccups, I hear it's a bad thing not to do it. I'm not about to try it now because I have found a reason to be alive.

I don't know what that is per se, I haven't had any kind of spiritual revelation and I don't know the meaning of life. But if I had to wager a guess I would have to say that it is 42. So although I can't give you any answers I have found the need and the desire to search for them even if I don't know that I am doing it. Sounds so vague, I know. That's because I don't really understand it all yet. Today is technically the last day of this week's "7 in 7" challenge and I am eagerly anticipating what lies ahead and what new things I will try. This is such an adventure to live and think outside of my comfort zone that the possibilities are endless. And the best part of it is that the adventure carries on to the next week and becomes the Neverending Story. Well, except for rock biters, the child-like empress and Falkor. But damn I wish I had a Falkor. How sweet would my morning commute be? If anyone was in my way he would open his mouth and eyes and go "AHHHHHHHHHH!!" and make them run and jump into a dumpster. Plus I would get there in like 2 minutes and on my lunch break I could check out the Grand Canyon or spook people walking along the Great Wall of China. When I would be up on Falkor all my problems would go away and I would be free to feel the cool air on my face and hear the jumbo jets buzz by my ears. But then once Falkor got all tuckered out and had to land my troubles would be right down there waiting for me. So you can't fly into the sky on a hybrid dragon/dog beast and avoid them. Sometimes you just have to face them head on and make a concentrated effort to solve them.

I'm proud of myself for making an effort to change my life but I also must hold myself accountable for falling short of my goal. Today is the 7th and final day of this week's challenge to work out every day and as of tonight I only made it to the gym 3 times this week. I really dropped the ball over the weekend but I feel like in the long run I will have succeed. That's because I have taken the fear out of working out and removed any self-conscious doubts that I might have had. I have no problem working out and I will continue to go 3-4 times a week. Also this week I have made an effort to drink less alcohol and soda and instead drink the suggested 8 glasses of water per day. On top of that I am trying to limit the amount of snacks and sweets that I eat so that I have a more balanced diet. I know it's only been a week but already I feel better because of it. I didn't expect to see big results but I needed to at least see or feel something to convince myself that this was a good idea. As long as I continue this good habit then it will never be a failure.

You can't properly measure the impact of this life changing quest I'm on right now until time has passed but so far a week after limiting my TV and movie watching I definitely have been writing more. The proof is on paper. Or the internet in this case. My creative juices are flowing more than ever and they aren't even fueled by alcohol. That's been one of the greatest things so far. I liked to use alcohol to loosen up so that I could free write and be random but it turns out that I don't need that kind of nonsense. I came up with that whole Falkor bit on my own. No help from Ron Rico or Jim Beam, even though those two guys have been known to pitch in every now and then unless I need someone to help me carry a couch up 3 flights of stairs. But for the time being I don't need those lazy sons a bitches because I'm doing all of this on my own and I'm doing it for me. The gym isn't scary and working out isn't hard. You just have to make a commitment and stick to it. Even if you miss a few days. After all I never claimed to be perfect. But I won't let myself down. That's a promise.

So these last 2 adventures will carry on as I move forward, but what will be the next challenge that I take on? Wouldn't you like to know. Looks like you'll just have to keep coming back for more until your appetite is stifled. But make sure not to overindulge because the key to life is moderation. Going to the gym and working out every day for 7 days is certainly possible but is it the right thing to do? Maybe that works for you but I know that I need a day in between to recover so that I don't burn myself out and give up. I almost did that which is why I allowed myself to make mistakes and tailor this idea to suit me. In the past if I had to choose going every day versus not at all I picked not at all. Like it or not 50% is better than 0%. So I'm trying man. And I'm going to keep on trying something every week in an attempt to live every day instead of dying a little bit everyday. It's about time that I started living. And I feel more alive than ever. 

 - pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

"7 in 7" - Episode 2 - I Wanna Look like Jonah Hill - Day 3

Globo Gym is evil. So is White Goodman. Thankfully they don't own my gym because I don't think I could handle any of their abuse as I try to turn this Frankenstein into a Frankenfine. OK, that's actually a pretty good line. I suppose I could live with being accosted with insults as long as he keeps throwing out clever one-liners like that. All kidding aside that's all I could think about when I was thinking about how evil gyms are and why people are afraid to go to them. A gym is very intimidating because for the most part everyone who is there is already pretty fit. Let's just say I kind of understand how a minority feels like watching Friends - Mom? Why is there no one who looks like me there? You would think that with a population of over 8 million a random minority would wander into the shot. What a reality shock I got when I first went to New York City. Thanks for warning me TV. So it's tough for a fat guy to walk in there and work up the confidence to even step on an elliptical machine. But at least I got that taken care of. Now I can work on the rest of my goals.

Goals like meeting these chicks and tricking them to falling in love me. Think of me like a project, a lumpy ball of play-doh that you can mold into whatever you like. The possibilities are endless ladies! So line up now because when I'm hot and good looking I'm not going to give you the time of day because you could have had me back then and you passed. OK, so I'll probably still take you. I'm pretty accepting and forgiving. I'll welcome you into my open arms. My toned and muscular arms. Ah but who knows man. I don't think I'll ever be good looking enough to get any chick based on looks alone so I better start working hard at my job. Money might be my only ticket to success so I suppose I better start making a lot of it. That's not going to happen. Maybe I can go out with a blind chick. If she can't see how hideous I am then she can't run for the hills. Well until she starts touching me and stuff. Let's just hope that she doesn't have arms then. I'm really narrowing down the search for a mate right now based on those qualifications (and I likely won't find one) so I'm going to go on to a better topic. One that's a little more uplifting.

I found this on the internet. Hell of a tool the internet is. I was searching for evil gyms and I got evil movie worms instead. If there is a better size chart out there I'd like to see it. I doubt there will be one out there that features 3 of my favorite movies (Jedi, Tremors and Beetlejuice) in such a hilarious fashion. And it is factually correct too. Boba Fett, Three Ninja's Grandpa, Beetlejuice and any of the unlucky fuckers in Dune can totally attest to that. I don't know if anyone got eaten by these things in the books or movies because I have never had the pleasure of reading/viewing those works of art. It's next up on my series of giant worm novels. There's just too many of them that I can't keep up anymore. Every time I try to read Dune a new Tremors sequel comes out. But that's alright though because I just can't get enough of Burt Gummer. Broke into the wrong god damn rec room, didn't ya you bastard! When Burt blows a hole in the Graboid's mouth with the elephant gun I'll admit that I cheered. Don't mess with a guy that has that much ammunition lying around. You could tell that the Graboids don't have eyes and operate based upon feeling vibrations because if he saw the shelf of guns when he punched through Burt's basement wall he would have turned and ran screaming for the hills. But Graboids never learn. That's why they chased Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward into the desert even though Burt had some homemade bombs. And how did that work out for the Graboids? Well if you you've seen the movie I hate to spoil it for you but I'll give you a hint - KA-BOOM!!

I'm hoping that things work out better for me. Remember how I said I wouldn't bullshit you? I started this "7 in 7" adventure on Tuesday February 14th and was attempting to go to the gym every day. It took me one day to break that streak. I didn't go on Wednesday. I felt like total shit and I was exhausted without actually doing anything. I know I should have gone anyway to make this a true 7 workouts in 7 days (the best I can do now is 6) but I failed. Sorry guys. I can't think of a way to make it up to you but I know that if I keep going this week and continue it past the 7 day period then essentially I will have accomplished my goal which is to change my life. So even though it looks bad to have missed a day right now in the long run it will not matter. I know I'm trying to spin a positive into a negative but I did go tonight and I feel a lot better because of it. We'll see how I feel tomorrow but I'm hoping that I'm able to keep this up because I need to be in shape. If I had to classify my shape right now I'd probably say oval. I'm trying to get to rectangle someday. I'd probably settle for square but heaven forbid I get to triangle. All bets are off once it gets to that point. If it ever comes to that I won't have to worry about completing a task or changing my life within a seven day period because I won't be a human anymore - I'll be a fucking triangle! And if you didn't know, things didn't work out so well for Triangle Man. Sure, Triangle Man hated Particle Man and they had a fight and Triangle wins. Then Triangle Man hated Person Man and they had a fight and Triangle wins. So you would think that Triangle Man is a winner, right? Nope. Turns out Triangle Man has anger management issues and he's doing a dime in San Quentin for aggravated assault and reckless homicide. Triangle Man is a loose cannon and without the meds he just might be a cold blooded killer. Do you really want me to end up that way? You really want to be responsible for that?

Well that's really all I got right now. Well I do have one more thing. Kind of like a parting thought or words of wisdom if you will. I'd rather be the biggest person in the gym than be the biggest person outside of it. At least in here I'm making a change. Out there I'm just another overweight American. In here I'm a difference maker. You might not see it that way but if I'm right then nothing else matters. I mean that with no offense but right now the only thing that matters is me. I have to get myself right and be happy with who I am before I can worry about others. That's not to say that I don't care. I do. I'm just having a really hard time showing it because I'm going through some shit right now. What I'm attempting to do goes against everything I believe in and I'm trying so hard not to quit. I don't want to be a loser anymore. I don't want to be a quitter. And most of all I don't want to be a failure. I want to be somebody. I want to be in the phonebooks. Well I don't really know what I want to be. I just know I don't want to be what I am right now.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

"7 in 7" - Episode 2 - I Wanna Look like Jonah Hill

It's not too often that someone would say that. In fact I doubt that anyone has ever said it and meant it. Who would want to look like Jonah Hill? I'd like to have his money and his humor (though I am doing just fine on my own with those two things) but until recently I didn't want to be him even though everyone already thought that I was. In every comment section where the Last Cup trailer played or when a review of the documentary was posted there was always at least one Jonah Hill comment. And who could blame them, right? Look at the picture on the left and say that it isn't me. I personally know that it isn't although I have grown my hair out like that and often wear a blue shirt. There were other pictures that show Jonah Hill when he was fat like me but I had to use this one because in this picture he is a spitting image of me. The likeness is uncanny and kind of creeps me out because it's like having a twin brother or a clone. But if you have been paying attention to celebrity fodder (and I know that you have because our country is obsessed with celebrity) then you would know that within the last year Jonah Hill got all skinny on me and he is no longer getting confused for me and vice versa. Something has to be done about this  because everyone needs a look-alike in case of danger. You never know when a decoy can come in handy. Hell it saved Queen Amidala's life in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. And if I try to look like Jonah Hill again it might just save mine.

Jonah Hill lost a ton of weight. I can't really put a number on it but just look at pictures and you can tell. Especially because now he looks all funny and shit with a weird big head and Will Smith Dumbo ears. But aside from that he's looking pretty svelte and I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a little jealous. People make it look so easy to lose weight but I suppose it isn't that hard when you have access to a personal trainer and nutritionist, not to mention access to all the best equipment and facilities. But he still had to put in the hard work that it takes to get yourself in shape. I can't say that I will ever look like Jonah Hill again unless he puts back on the weight but I certainly am going to try to lose some of mine so that I can live a healthier life. It's going to be a lot of hard work because I lead a pretty damn unhealthy lifestyle and what I am attempting to do this week is a complete and total life change from what I am used to. I plan on working out every day for the next 7 days while also changing my eating habits as an attempt to shock my body into accepting something new and be open to the possibility of change. This might not be the best way to do it especially because I talked about the effects and benefits of doing things in moderation. But I need to get into a routine and this is something that it is really important to me because I can no longer function in my day to day life at my present state. Putting on my shoes or walking 4 blocks has become so much more difficult than it should be. I can't handle this anymore and I'm hoping to learn a lesson by the end of the week. At the very least I hope to get at least a little bit used to putting my body through the rigors of a workout so that I am more likely to continue it when the week is over.

So that's basically it. I worked out tonight for a little over an hour and it was the first time in a little under a year that I did. I was working out a few times a week back before Timmy died and then everything kind of got mixed together. I was less worried about my physical health and more worried about my emotional stability. So I sat around and ate food and didn't get out much. I put on weight. I'm not going to pull any punches here on this blog during these adventures and I certainly won't bullshit you. The last time that I remember weighing myself I was around 370 pounds. Today I topped out at 400. That's fucking sad. I've always been a big guy (I can partly blame genetics but I mostly blame myself) but I never intended to be this big. That number is way too high and I will do everything in my power to lower it. Normally I would keep something like this confidential because it is a very sensitive subject for me but once it's out in the public I can't hide behind it anymore. A lifelong's worth of ridicule and fat jokes has left me to hide my shame. The only reason that I'm throwing a number out there is so that I might somehow be able to track the results from Day 1 to Day 7 and see if there is any positive proof of why I should continue to do this. In my mind I understand it but as I have learned during Week 1 is that my ideas are no good if they are kept bottled in my mind and I have to let them out in order to satisfy my need to create. 

And this is just really another chance to see if I can not only survive a week's worth of turmoil on my body but also to see if I can complete the challenge. I am notoriously bad at seeing things through so this "7 in 7" series is also meant to address that as well. So many things are happening at once that I am constantly learning and applying myself. So who knows. The only thing that I know is that I probably won't be doing a daily blog entry because that's not the point of this week's challenge. But as always if I do have something to say I will make sure to put it here. Chances are I will be too tired to lift my fingers to type but then again I may have developed super strength by then. This is going to be bad. In that good sort of way. Like making out with a chick with tattoos and piercings. I feel like I'm badass by association. Living life a little dangerously and taking a walk on the wild side if you will. And hopefully when this quest is finished I'll be hot enough to get any chick, not just the ones that dig me for my tattoos and money. Yeah, because I have so much of both that it's a staggering and alarming number that freaks the hell out of people. And now I'm just wasting time when I should be sleeping. It's now 3:00am, or the middle of the freakin' night for the lay person. I don't know why I stay up all night but it must be that adrenaline thing that athletes talk about. I don't want to go to sleep because I have a feeling that my body is going to really hate me in the morning. So much more than usual. I guess we'll just have to find out. One thing for sure is that this is the beginning of a very long week.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman