I Wanna Be...the Summer 2006 edition (and January 2010 edition and October 2010 edition)

Every now and then I come back to my list of things that I want to be. It's a "bucket list" of sorts, except for that the majority of these things are impossible to achieve. Take for instance where I say I want to be one of the rings that circle the planet Saturn. That is physically impossible. The only way that I could achieve that is if I found a Genie in a lamp and wasted one of my 3 wishes on that. Not only would that be unbelievably stupid, but I also would not be able to make any more wishes once I wished for that. And even if I did that as my 3rd wish I would no longer be alive because I would just exist as ice, rocks and dust particles in outer space. But there are some things that I could do if I was in the right place at the right time (like being the last person to ever close Wolski's) or if I put a little effort into my life (like being the man of some woman's dreams.) It's a ridiculous list. I know. But so is everything else I put on here. I don't call it Pookon's Ill Blog for nothing.

Basically when I get drunk my mind goes random and I add a couple more things to this list. As you can see, this particular list started way back in August of 2006. Then I picked it up again in January of 2010 when I was browsing through some old saved material on here. And then I got drunk on a Tuesday night. I didn't intend to do that, but I was already having a rough week and I found out that yet another person I know was married and I am still single. And getting older and less attractive by the minute. Normally that kind of information doesn't throw me off the deep end, but like I said, I was already having a terrible week and I just kind of hit a breaking point. My way of working out problems and frustration is to have a couple of drinks and start writing. That may not be the best way to handle it, but at least it brings about some pretty random works of literature. So without further ado, I proudly present the latest edition of the I Wanna Be... list.

(from the archives - August 27, 2006)

Scatergories World Champion, makeup artist on the next George A. Romero's ______ of the Dead movie, a Canadian Mountie, Ludo in the Broadway production of Labyrinth, the one who is with stupid, born in the U.S.A., on the cover of the Rolling Stone, able to shop at trendy stores like the Gap, Abercrombie + Fitch and Aeropostale, able to break through child-locked devices, a glass is half-full kind of guy, a firefighter so that I could slide down that wicked pole, not mathematically eliminated, Michael Jackson's backup dancer, the Cowardly Lion, Facebooked by every student at UWM, Mr. Tumnus in the fantasy land of Narnia

(from the current archives - Saturday January 9, 2010)

riding shotgun in Uncle Greg's Maserati, the last person to ever close Wolski's, Milwaukee's Best Ice, backup harmonica player to Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan or Neil Young just in case they don't feel like doing it on one of their songs, Buddy Christ's bestest buddy, an expert at demolitions and dynamite so that companies will pay me to blow shit up, a World Series of Beer Pong Champion, a paid intern at BrodAmerica Enterprises, able to laugh at myself after I finish a bottle of Jack Daniels then go out to shovel snow and lose my keys, a contributor on VH1's Pop Up Video, the answer to the million dollar question on the Regis Philbin hosted version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, one of the official sponsors of the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver, Pronounced Leh-Nerd Skin-Nerd

(from the even more current archives - Tuesday October 12, 2010)

a homeless man with a funny sign, 30 and flirty, cast as the Thing in the upcoming and unnecessary remake of The Fantastic Four, the spokesman for San Juan premium rum, the missing link, taken seriously for once, married with children (I'd even take being Al Bundy at this point in my life), one of the rings circling the planet Saturn, riding in the front seat because when you're riding in the back seat you're just cargo, all that I can be, in an A Capella choir that only sings current Top 40 hits like "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, a mad scientist like Greg Proops, sober on a Tuesday, happy about my life and not wallow in the depression that is my failures, able to do long division on paper, the saxophone player who plays a solo in every 80's song, smarter than the average mouse like Rez, the man of some woman's dreams, the backup vocals in my own song like the Choir of Timmys, the king of the world House in the remake of Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, potty trained, the leader of the Revolution, Tom Barrett so I can approve this message, able to handle my problems without alcohol, able to go to infinity and beyond, more punctual so that I can come up with another I Wanna Be... list every 4 weeks instead of every 4 years...

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

(from the Lost Archives - February 13, 2007)

Sometimes I get what I like to call "the Hunger" and it festers inside of me until I satisfy it. I first learned about "the Hunger" from my cat Coach Gordon Bombay when he incessantly meows at me for hours at end until I feed him. His normal feeding time is at 10:00 pm every night, but lately he starts getting "the hunger" at about 7:00 pm and won't shut up until I dump a 1/3 cup of Science Diet into his dish. How does that relate to an article titled "It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time" you ask?

(from the current archives - Tuesday November 10, 2009)

Ever seen the dancing banana singing It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time? It's all over the internet, and it has been for years. I've provided the clip from when they referenced it on Family Guy cause that was funnier than the original. It was one of those random moments that made the show pure genius before they ran out of ideas and just started being wrong and gross. Plus it's a dog wearing a banana costume. I know I'm the first person to criticize people for dressing up their animals, but I'm also the the first to laugh because it looks both ridiculous and hilarious. The fat cat wearing a sweater in Anger Management is one of the funniest moments of that flick. But why am I talking about animals wearing clothes? This was supposed to be about Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Watch the clip.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time sounds like a great time to me, mostly because I love me some sandwich gooey goodness. I ate so many PBJ sandwiches as a kid that I had to take a few years off. In fact, I took some time off from sandwiches in general, but I have since had a new found love for deli meats, cheese or spreads between two slices of bread. My Mom knows this, and keeps her fridge healthily stocked with all sorts of sandwich materials. Once I even tried to take a stack of lunch meats and a stack of bread and shuffle them together like Shaggy and Scooby. It sadly didn't work. I believe that is the day that I grew up and realized that cartoons were not reality. I remember it vividly. It was Sunday afternoon in the Fall of '07. I was 25 years old when my world came crashing down around me, and it was that moment that I segued from childhood to adulthood. It was now what I refer to as the saddest day of my life. But I have since rebounded. I have figured out a way to blend childhood and adulthood. All you have to do is act reasonably grown up at work and in social settings, and then you can goof around the rest of the time. I vow to never loose my childish behavior, and unless they figure out a surgical extraction to remove it from me, I will never fully grow up.

But what does that have to do with Peanut Butter Jelly Time and "the Hunger?" I keep getting sidetracked. Both are childish and primal ideas that are pretty ridiculous. When you're overcome by "the Hunger" or when you start dancing around in a banana costume, all rational thought it usually thrown out the window. And when reasoning and the thought process is gone, that's when true child-like playfulness can occur. And that's when I feel most alive and like myself. It's not sitting in my cubicle falling asleep doing paperwork. It's not when I'm paying bills and stressing over paying back my student loans. It's not when I'm cleaning kitchen floors and taking out the garbage. It's when I'm eating sugar at inappropriate times and ruing my appetite. It's when I laugh at words like "insert", "member" and the "Penal System". It's when I quote movies in adult conversation then laugh because no one else gets it. It's when I stop acting my actual age and just kind of make shit up as I go along. Depending on when or where you hang out with me, you might see different sides of my personality. But I do hope that you see more of the goofy childish one than the one that is struggling with being a responsible and grown up adult. Cause no one wants to see that shit. I'm gonna go make a sandwich, drap a giant banana around my body, and dance around the kitchen. I expect you to do the same. IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com