"7 in 7" - Episode 3 - Now I Know What's It's Like to be You - Day 18

I haven't been writing on here lately and I'm betting some of you have been checking back here looking for my next episode of "7 in 7." The reason that there isn't a new one is because I'm still working on the last one. As you can see by the headline I have been a vegetarian for the past 18 days and aside from a couple of tough times it has been relatively easy to not eat meat. Just look at the cuddly animals and try to take a bite out of them. You can't because they are just so darn cute. I don't like my food to have a face nor do I want it to cry as I am chewing it. Sure, lettuce and potatoes are technically alive but as far as we know it they don't have a personality and look you in the eye and snuggle up next to you. Which makes me wonder something. I get the don't eat cows, pigs, sheep and chickens in the graphic but what kind of sick bastards are eating dogs, cats and parrots? I think foreigners eat dogs and cats but I've never heard of anyone chewing on parrot wings. Must be some kind of delicacy that I'm not aware of. After spending the last 7 years of my life in the company of Coach Gordon Bombay I couldn't imagine putting him in my mouth and washing it down with a cold beer. That just sounds wrong. And even though I'm not a dog person there's no denying that they have a personality and a spirit as well as an awareness of their world. It wouldn't be right to serve that up on a toasty bun, even if they had to go the Old Yeller route. They belong in the ground, not in your tummy. I don't get it, but I did find it funny in a way. And I also knew that I could say something about it. Because that's the point of Episode 1, right? To encourage myself to write more. I'm trying here.

Day 18 of being a vegetarian hasn't changed me one bit because I have gotten behind on my Episode 2 goal of looking like Jonah Hill. I haven't been working out as much as I had hoped and I'm in no better shape than I was a few weeks ago. I guess I'm eating healthier because I'm eating a lot more vegetables and not eating fast food because there aren't a lot of meat-less options. I bet if I met all 3 of my goals so far (writing, look like Jonah Hill and being vegetarian) I could land a chick like Australian model Sheridyn Fisher because I would be funny, fit fine and friend to animals. I think I'm going to email her and ask her out on a date the next time that she makes it to Milwaukee. Hey, it could happen! I'm a quasi-celebrity because of the beer pong documentary and the Brewers Sombrero thing so I should be able to land another celebrity. And an Australian too. The only thing that revs my engine like a girl who plays music and sings is a girl with an accent. I think I'm on to something here. Keep changing my life and somehow, someway, some beautiful girl will wander into my life and erase the loser tag that I've been carrying around for the last 30 years. Dreaming the impossible is definitely a reason to keep on going with my "7 in 7" challenges because apparently no one likes me for who I am now so I must become someone else. I guess I will still try to keep a couple pieces of the old me because I value my sense of humor and my dedication to the local sports teams but everything else can go. So if you are a single girl and reading this give me a holler and tell me what to change. I'm willing to be whatever it is that you like because the old shit wasn't working for you. And if you are a dude and are asking the same thing I'm sorry but I have to tell you for the last time, no matter what everyone is saying, I don't like dudes. Get that idea out of your head already. And whoever keeps spreading that rumor please stop already. You're never going to get anywhere making up lies. Trust me. I'm the lie master! If you asked everyone at work what my parents do for a living they would tell you that my Mom is a Ninja and my Dad is an Astronaut. Is that true? Hell no. Not everything you hear is correct. So stop playing telephone with the accusations and set me up with your hot sister/girl cousin/girl best friend already so we can all move on.

OK, I'll face reality head-on and come to the conclusion that I'll never land a chick like Sheridyn Fisher but don't you dare tell me that I will never land Natalie Portman. Yes, I understand that she is married to some dude not named Scott Reck and she has a baby with said dude. Oh and also don't point out that she is rich, famous, beautiful and an Academy Award winner that would never mingle in the same circles as me. But we are both vegetarians and we both love Star Wars. She might not like Episodes 1-3 (but that's OK because a lot of people despise them) but she can't deny the fact that she made some good money off of those movies and also introduced herself to a new generation of fans and furthered her movie career. She certainly garnered my attention although I fell in love with her on Mars Attacks! and Where the Heart is and then became absolutely smitten with her in Garden State. And the fact that she is a vegetarian just gives her a couple of more points in my book. Now I'm not going to be a veg-head forever, but I like to see it when someone does something for a reason. She's doing it for animal rights and apparently has been a vegetarian since childhood and I'm doing it to know what it's like, although if I ever meet Natalie I'd tell her that I was doing it for her because she is so inspiring. Or some crap like that. I have to be smooth like that if I'm gonna charm her pants off. But I wouldn't have to. She'd get one look at me and leave her husband. She can bring along her baby though. Although I'm not a fan of little humans I'd be willing to make an exception for her. I'd do anything for Natalie.

Eating vegetarian isn't hard as long as you are at home and can control what is going into your food. It has been easy for the most part because I eat most of my meals at home. I don't go out to eat much because I am single, sad, pathetic and weird. But a few times it has become an issue and I'd like to share that with you. My friend Aaron had a birthday last week and his family always goes out to Fuddruckers for dinner to celebrate. I don't know if you've ever been there but they have some of the best burgers ever. But since I don't eat meat I tried one of their Veggie Burgers, which was the first time that I ever had one. It wasn't bad and it kind of tasted like nothing, although I could have been masking the taste with all of the pickles, onions, tomatoes, ketchup and mayonnaise that I piled on there. Hard to taste anything when it is smothered with all of those condom-thingies. My first reaction was that it tasted like a garden but that could have been me just being an asshole about it. And speaking of being an asshole, when I ordered the cashier asked if I wanted bacon or cheese on my veggie burger. Um... hello! Don't people order these things because they don't eat meat or dairy products because they are vegetarian or vegan? I know you're a fresh-faced teen still living with his parents and working his first job but at least think a little pal. I was a little bit offended and even took to Twitter to voice my disgust:

Scott Iceman Reck ‏ @pookondotcom

I ordered a Veggie Burger at Fuddruckers. The guy asked me if I wanted bacon on it. Doesn't that defeat the point? #vegetarian

So that was cool I guess. A week ago I went out for trivia at BBC's and it was wing night but I obviously could not get the wings. That really sucked and I ended up eating some Mac N' Cheese but I had to ask them not to put bacon in it like they usually do. Sure bacon is amazing, but wouldn't someone order that because they don't eat meat? It was one of the only meatless options on the menu (supposedly) and it had bacon. It's a tough world for a veggie. Then this past Thursday I went to Subway for a sandwich and ended up getting a one with all veggies. Now I understand that a sammy is a sammy but I left feeling empty. I had cheese, lettuce, onion, tomato, green peppers, cucumber and mayo but I could taste the absence of meat. I wanted some kind of animal product on my bread but I'm not doing that now. Not eating meat is tough because it is so good. I miss it and now that I'm in over 2 weeks I can honestly say that it is a struggle. 

The first week was easy and I breezed through it with no problem. I know that I'm all over the map here as far as linear time goes, but last Saturday night I went to the Admirals hockey game with my cousins and got nice and drunk. I slept over at Jenny Reck's house and when I finally left Sunday around lunch time I was craving something greasy to get me through my hangover. A gyro from Oakland Gyros would have fit the bill just right. I could even smell it from outside her house but I drove home without any of that Greek goodness in my tummy. The last challenge I had these past 18 days was when I was at the grocery store the other day trying to find some food to eat. I wanted some soup real bad and had to read all of the ingredients on the can because most soups include chicken broth or chicken stock. I had to instead limit myself to those that were tomato based soups and settled on veggie soup. It's not all bad, but I was really in the mood for some kind of noodle soup.

So I'm 18 days in and not too much is different. I'm still pining over impossible women, constantly poking fun at myself and defending my sexuality and trying to infuse everything I say with humor. If you made it this far congratulations. I will be starting a new challenge on Wednesday March 14 so make sure you check back for that one. I can't really promise anything else besides that because I don't really know what I want to do. Well, besides Natalie Portman. Hey-o! You thought that I would leave on a classy high note. You obviously have no idea where you are. Seek medical help, take a nap and then come on back so I can screw you up all over again. At least you will be in good company. I'm as screwed up as they get. But I know that you wouldn't have it any other way. You're a repeat offender on Pookon's Ill Blog so I know that something is working. When I figure it out I'll be sure to let you know. Or I won't. Whatever man. I'm over it. Derrick Turnbow once threw a fastball so fast it went back in time and struck out Babe Ruth. Look it up.

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 - pookon -
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www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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"7 in 7" - Wasting Away Again in TVLand - Day 7

On Sunday (not Friday) I was just sitting around the house not doing much. I would have called my best friend to come over and sit on the front porch with me but it was winter and my best friend lives up in Black Duck, Minnesota. So instead I hung out in the living room with Jenny Reck. She was doing laundry and I was sitting around listening to music. It was a very unproductive day for me. When she said that she was going to take a nap I decided that is was time to go find my electric guitar and rock out. I had been looking forward to this moment all week and I finally had the time to do it. I searched high and low for a working electric guitar but the only one that I found was one that Timmy has built for me like 4 years ago. It's not a very good guitar but that's ok because I'm not a very good guitar player. There could be a pretty good reason why this guitar wasn't the best. He could have lacked the knowledge or tools needed to make a quality guitar. Or maybe he just never got around to finishing it. But the truth is I'm thankful just to have it. I never valued it before because it didn't have any value to me but now I can realize just how cool it is that my little brother made me a guitar. He wired it and finished it himself. That having been said I apologize if the videos before aren't any good. For starters I don't think I've ever played an electric guitar before and I don't really know how to use an amp properly. And then I forgot some of the words and chords to the songs that I was playing. And finally when you break it down I just kind of suck at guitar. But I am trying to get better.

Here I am playing a song by 4 Non Blondes called "What's Up." If you were alive in the 90's then you certainly are familiar with this song and it has gained popularity for being one of those one hit wonder kind of songs. It has always been a personal favorite of mine because it allows me to sing in my head voice, be obnoxious and sing really loud. I usually reserve this kind of nonsense for when nobody is around but thanks to the beauty of the internet I will now share it with all of you. You're welcome.

Timmy's guilty pleasure music group was The Cranberries and his favorite song was "Zombie." Timmy had a thing for zombies and he adored all of George Romero's "______ of the Dead" movies and even wrote his own song about zombies. It featured lyrics that came right out of those movies like heading towards the local retail store when they start taking over the world. I learned this song a while back and like to play it often because it makes me think of Timmy. Plus it gives me a pretty good chance to showcase my vocal stylings and range. It's pretty ridiculous but somehow it works for me. I just hope that someday I'm able to get better at guitar so that I can take my show on the road and impress the ladies with my renditions of 90's pop songs.

So that is basically my life now. I still live at my Mom's house and I hang out in my basement "No Girls Allowed" clubhouse and figure out new ways to turn away the opposite sex. I'm sure that chicks dig me hard core because I'm a trivia master and I would wear pajama pants and sleeveless shirts all day every day if my work didn't have a dress code. I wish that I had my own cable access show and that people around town worshiped me because of my local celebrity status. Well I do kind of have that going for me because people do recognize me as either "that guy from the beer pong movie" or "that guy in the bleachers with the sombrero" and at Saturday night's Bucks game Jenny and I did have backstage laminates. So we're pretty close to being Wayne + Garth with the exception of the cable access show. But it will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine. When I lived with Aaron, Brodey, this dude Craig and TJ slept on our couch for $80 a month we considered putting a show on public TV and doing new episodes every week. It would have been a pretty sweet and in retrospect I wish that we would have done it if only for a few months. It would have been pretty sweet to look back on a reminisce about the good old days. But that didn't happen and I can't linger on it any longer. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, have to, have to?

So this is basically the end of this adventure. For 7 straight days I didn't knowingly or purposefully watch TV or movies and chose to instead use that time to write or play guitar. And you know what I have learned? It's something that I already knew but is still very important - moderation is the key. That having been said I would still rather choose to fully indulge myself in these lovely ladies or the massive beer mugs they are holding. Can it be both? There would be no moderation. I would go to town. You better believe it. Especially because the blonde looks like this chick I went to college with and had a major crush on. She was also a communications major and we had a lot of the same classes. Damn man really takes me back and makes me forget about what I was writing about. Scan back a few sentences and...OK now I remember - moderation. Watching TV or movies isn't bad but if you do it all day every day and don't accomplish anything else then it is a bad thing. There is so much to do in this world and sometimes we lose our focus and end up getting stuck in a cycle. It's so easy to veg out and watch someone else's life unfold on TV instead of living your own. Life is tough and sometimes people choose to escape from it. Well I'm tired of running away from mine and although I can't promise to always dedicate an entire week to writing I can promise that I will always take time to do it. I have realized that I need a creative outlet for my ideas because if they fester inside of me I drive myself crazy. I have to let them out and like I said in an earlier post the best way that I know how is to use my words. So look forward to plenty more blog posts in the future and if you've been along for the ride for this "7 in 7" thing I promise you that you ain't seen nothing yet. I can take this virtually in any direction and the possibilities are endless.

Remember yesterday how I said I wanted to make Mila Kunis my girlfriend? Well that would be cool and all but I would totally make Natalie Portman my everything. I've had a thing for her since Day 1 and after watching Star Wars Episodes I, II and III tonight I am more convinced than ever. I have decided that after every 7 day challenge I would give myself a buffer day or a recovery day before starting my next challenge. I am writing this during that day and I went to go see Episode I - The Phantom Menace in theaters in 3D and I can honestly say that she looked fantastic. And before you get all up in my face about the fact that she was so young in the first movie I'll have you know that she was born in 1981 and that we are the same age, so there's nothing creepy about it. I mean I don't have a framed poster of "Where the Heart Is" on my wall or anything. That would be wrong. And she's married and has a kid and shit. She's happy. What would she want with some loser like me? But one can dream, right? Sometimes I just sit back and put on the Ozma song "Natalie Portman." Check it out sometime. It says exactly what I want to say and it couldn't be closer to the truth. This week I have had the opportunity to sit and listen music and I can totally understand why people use it as a form of expression. Someday I hope to have the skills required to be able to write a song so truthful and moving that it expresses everything that I am feeling. Until I reach that point I will just have to use other people's songs to accomplish that. But it's better than nothing, right? Besides I still have a lot of work to do if I am ever able to get a girl like Natalie, let alone any girl, which leads us to my next "7 in 7" challenge.

I am totally unattractive. No girl in their right mind would want to be with me as evident by my lack of girlfriend at the moment. I'm pretty sure that I have the brains, award winning personality and fantastic sense of humor that the female of our species crave but I'm really lacking in the looks department. Despite all the nonsense that people throw around like beauty is in the eye of the beholder and inner beauty is what really counts, physical appearance matters a whole lot because that's the first thing they see and the lasting image that permeates the mind when your name is brought up. I'm an ugly person and I'm also heavy in the midsection. Well might as well stop dancing around the issue - I'm fat and I could stand to drop a couple hundred pounds. This shit has gone on too long and I have become complacent with being single and lonely. Is it a coincidence that I am writing this on Valentine's Day and the only one that I have to spend it with is my cat Coach Gordon Bombay? Yeah maybe but it's more of the fact that I'm just getting sick of this shit. I can't love anyone, nor can anyone love me until I love myself. And at my current state no one could love me. That's why I have to improve my outside appearance so that it matches what it inside. And the only way that I know how to do that is to work out, eat right and hopefully lose some of this weight I've been carrying around. It's no secret that I'm large and in charge and that people call me the white Fat Albert behind my back. Oh c'mon. I've heard you whisper "Hey hey hey!" as I've walked down the hallway. And I would get made if it wasn't true. Hell people used to say that I looked like Jonah Hill but know he went and lost all that weight. So I'm just going to have to go ahead and do that as well so I always look like someone. Looking like me has never really worked out so I might as well copy someone, right?

The whole purpose of this "7 in 7" series was to take away something, add something, or change something in my life in a short period of time so I would notice the difference. When I took away TV and movies for a week and replaced it with writing and playing guitar I realized that I really don't need TV and movies in my life and that I am better off if I devote my time to something that matters more and gives me more enjoyment. When the 7 days are over I will resume watching TV but I hope to do it less often and not let it rule my life any longer. It is only in the absence that we can truly appreciate what we do have. Giving up something that tied me down has kick started my passion for writing and I'm now doing it more than ever. So that is why I proposed that I work out at the gym for 7 days in a row (starting Tuesday February 14) in a effort to kick start myself into the habit of taking care of myself. I tried to care at one point and I currently have a membership to Anytime Fitness that is going to waste. It's time to use it and make better of myself. During these next 7 days I will be working out every night and I will also try to eat healthy as well. This means cutting out all snacks, fast food and all of the other garbage that I put into my body. It will be one of the toughest weeks of my entire life but I need a shock to wake me up from the deep slumber that my life has become. The hope is that by the end of the week I'll be tired as shit but I will also feel a lot better and maybe try to get into some kind of routine where I will be working out on a regular basis. Who knows if it will work but I have to at least give it a go. You never really know until you try and one thing that I know for sure is that I will die if I keep living like this so something has to change. And in the end that's all this "7 in 7" thing is. To experience something different and hopefully be more accepting of change for the better. I guess we'll see what happens in a few days if I'm able to move enough to type something here. I have a feeling that my lazy ass is going to quit this one and not make the 7 days but then again I have surprised myself. Once I kissed a girl. Growing up I never thought I'd do that. So there is hope for me yet. But damn to hell the person who thought of this idea... 

 - pookon - 

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email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

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