What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 26 - Houston Astros / San Diego Padres

The Brewers went 6-4 on their final roadtrip of the year and returned home with a 80-76 record. With 6 games left to go against the awful Houston Astros and the hot San Diego Padres they would certainly finish above .500, right? That would ensure a "winning" season and would allow us to sleep a little easier. I never sleep easy because I'm cold and alone in a Queen size bed, but let's not make this about my girl troubles again. With the worst team in the Major Leagues in town and your #1 (Gallardo), #5 (Estrada) and #3 (Fiers) pitchers on the mound it was a given that they would win the series without even breaking a sweat. This should teach you to not take things before they are given to you. Stealing is bad. In some Middle Eastern countries they chop off your hand if you steal unless a street rat and his monkey pass you off as their mentally insane sister. His hot mentally insane sister that I'd want to bang. So what. I think Jasmine is hot. Get over it. I'd show her a whole new world if you know what I mean. Cartoons and humans can get together. If it worked in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and Cool World then it can work here too. Sadly all my knowledge of the world comes from the movies and I need a girl in my life bad. Read bad.  But we said we wouldn't talk about my girl troubles. We? Who is we? How many people are there in my head? If the answer is more than one then I have more problems than girl problems. But speaking of problems, let's talk more about the Brewers/Astros series.

You would think that an 80 win team would be able to easily dispatch a 51 win team. But noooooooooo. They had to go and completely fall apart in what should have been an easy series that would have pushed them above the notable 81 win mark. For those of you now familiar with baseball (and if you aren't, then why are you reading this? Who has the gun to your head? I didn't hire him I swear...) there are 162 games in the regular MLB season. You win half and you finish at .500. Less than that you are a losing team and more than that you are a winning team. Sounds pretty easy, right? Most people would rather be winners than losers because winners get to go home and fuck the prom queen. Stanley Goodspeed is a winner because Carla was the prom queen. And me? I didn't even go to prom. Why are we back on women? Geez I have a one track mind. But after all the mostly downs of the 2012 season a winning record was achievable and very important to get to, and Houston seemed like the right team to do it against. But alas the 2012 Brewers keep finding ways to screw it all up and they really put together a lackluster effort this weekend. They should be embarrassed with their performance. I hope they don't perform that poorly in the bedroom because there would be a lot of disappointed women. Man do I know what that feels like... OK. That's enough. Moving on.

Friday September 28 - Sunday September 30. Milwaukee Brewers vs Houston Astros at Miller Park. Games 157 - 159 of 162. 3rd Place NL Central, Eliminated from the Playoffs. What a disgraceful series. What a terribly awful way to treat your fans, on fan appreciation weekend no less! This recent surge got the Brewers right back into the thick of it but then they go and get themselves eliminated from the playoffs by losing 2 of 3 to the Houston Astros who had 51 wins (compared to 105 losses) on the year. And you didn't just lose too. You got spanked hard like you stole candy from the store or pushed your sister down on the concrete. Game 1 on Friday was rough because Gallardo had owned the Astros in his career but I guess minor league Astros don't count. And the Brewers rallied back but the HR given up by Loe in the 9th ended up being the winning run and they fell short. On Saturday (Game 2) they had a 9-0 lead in the 9th but Livan Hernandez gave up 5 runs on 3 homeruns and will likely finish the season with a plus 6 ERA. Why was he even on this team this year? Was there no other option? But they won and St. Louis lost to keep their elimination number at 1. The loss Friday night and Cardinals win dropped it from 3 to 1. And then Game 3 on Sunday I was right and the Brewers won't make the playoffs in 2012 as they turned in a pitiful whimper to go out quietly in front of 38,000 fans. I hate being right. But it just goes to show that for the most part I know this team because I invest so much time and effort into knowing who and what they are. Way to waste your life pal. Astros 7, Brewers 6. Brewers 9, Astros 5. Astros 7, Brewers 0.

They were able to grab one win against the Astros where they should have grabbed three but like Rafiki tells Simba, that doesn't matter... it's in the past! This thing really got a little Disney heavy now didn't it? I bet I'm gonna argue that Nala in the Lion King was hot. Not as a kid. As an adult. Pervert. C'mon. If you were a guy cartoon lion are you really telling me that you wouldn't hit that shit lion-style? You don't have to admit it to me but don't lie to yourself. Ok someone reel me back in. This has gotten too weird. Damn you box wine! With a winning season on the line the Brewers needed just one of the last three games to finish with 82 wins which would be miles ahead of where I thought they would finish back in August when they were 12 games under .500. But they did that one better by finishing at 83 wins and they nearly made it 84 and a sweep by getting off to a 6-0 lead in Game 3. But then the Achilles heal of the Brewers snapped and hurt them one last time for good measure. The bullpen couldn't hold a 6 run lead and in the final game of the season Brewers fans were treated with a scalding reminder of why there would be no Playoff baseball in Milwaukee this October. But all things considered 83 wins was still a good thing. 

It sucks that we had to readjust our expectations midseason and how I couldn't help my realistic side take over during much of the season. The brain definitely won out over the heart this year and I apologize if I sounded a little negative. But I couldn't help it because I saw how this all played out. Truth be told I didn't see this hot streak coming that would put them back in the playoff run but I knew that they wouldn't make the Playoffs. Somehow I always knew. Damn it man. I do hate being right. I wanted so bad to be wrong about this team and for everyone to rub it in my face. But the problem is that I've lost the will to dream and hope for the best after what happened to me personally in 2011. Hard to accept happiness and the possibility of the joys in life when so many bad things have happened. So that's mostly to blame for my attitude this year. I've lost the ability to think positively. What's the point? We'll see if I can ever get that back, but in the meantime check out my take on the San Diego series.

Monday October 1 - Wednesday October 3. Milwaukee Brewers vs San Diego Padres at Miller Park. Games 160 - 162 of 162. 3rd Place NL Central, Eliminated from the Playoffs. I've been doing these for an awfully long time (I wrote the first one on April 9th) and I've said a lot this year. You might argue that I've said too much. What can I say man - I'm a passionate die hard Brewers fan. But the question is - how do I end this thing? This series against San Diego is the final one of the 2012 season. Game over man. Game over! Game 1 was huge because it assured a winning season, which was important to me. I bet others agree but all things considered (injuries, streaky offense, bullpen blowing saves and lack of team identity until August) a winning record means something. 83 wins is a huge step back from 96 and so is missing the playoffs when you won the NL Central and made it to the NLCS. But it isn't as bad as it could be. Game 2 featured a futures lineup (or "B" lineup) featuring Taylor Green, Jeff Bianchi, Logan Schafer and Tyler Thornburg but they still all got the job done. That's a good sign for next year. Game 3 was a perfect example of why this team will be sitting at home watching the playoffs - The Brewers led 6-0 after 3 innings but the bullpen gave it all away and then some. And that's how our season ends. The very thing doomed the last game was what doomed their season. Sure there were some good times and memorable moments, but this season will go down as one of those "what if" ones like in 2009 + 2010 where they lacked quality starting pitching. What if we had a good bullpen? We'd probably still be playing baseball. Brewers 5, Padres 3. Brewers 4, Padres 3. Padres 7, Brewers 6.

So that wraps up the Brewing in the Crewbicle here on the blog for the 2012 season. I don't know if I am going to do it again in 2013 because it was a whole lot of work. I like writing and I love the Brewers so it's not work work but it still takes a good amount of time and effort to crank these things out. I could complain some more but you don't want to hear that. But I would like to hear from you if you are still reading this shit. Did you enjoy this? Do you want me to keep writing these things? Did you actually read any of this? Am I just wasting my time working on this when I should be out exercising and looking for the future Mrs. Reck? Am I just some drunken idiot who thinks he knows his shit but in reality is way off base? Let me know. Seriously let me know. Email me, leave a comment below or contact me via phone or Facebook. I rarely get any feedback so it always seems like I'm doing this shit just for me. While that works for the stuff I post on Pookon.com, which when all is said and done will be the story of my life, this stuff is for lack of a better word pointless. I'm not going to look back on this years later and be like look at all the good memories of the Brewers seasons as I recapped them on my blog. Since I don't get paid for any of this I have to do it out of love, and it has come to a point where I don't love it so much any more. So then it comes down to this - if I'm not doing it for me, then who am I doing it for? It has to be the readers. The fans. You and your Mom. If I don't have any fans then I'm done. So if you want it, you better let me know. Thanks.

So that will wrap up the weekly Brewers coverage here on the Blog. I will be revisiting the 2012 seasons soon as I do my recap of the season where I compare my preseason predictions from my 25 Brewers in 25 Days series to their final numbers. That's one of the things that I promise will continue regardless if anyone reads it because I am fascinated with my knowledge of this team and to see how close I can get to figuring out their final line stats in March. Of course I can't predict injuries or trades and I don't take into account possible off years, but if the person plays up to their potential then I usually can nail it right on the head. I spend a lot of time with the Brewers each summer and I know this team inside and out. I work or attend nearly every home game and I watch almost every away game on TV. Sure life often gets in the way and over the past 2 summers I have readjusted my priorities but still I find a way to keep tabs on my team. But with that having been said the end of the season still hits me like a shot to the gut because I am suddenly faced with the absence of something that had been with me since early March when Spring Training games started. Leaving Miller Park on that final day of the season is very hard and I often take my time leaving the ballpark. I snapped the picture that you see above as a reminder of what I will be missing until April. As always it is going to be a long and cold winter.

So check back in the next few weeks for my 25 Brewers in 25 Days wrap-up where I will have a more complete overall consensus of how I felt about the 2012 season. It's been about 2 weeks since the Brewers season has finished but I haven't worked much on stuff like this because I've been going through a little detox on laying low. When the Brewers are in town I can work 10-15 hours on top of my 40hr a week job which can get pretty taxing at times. And then I try to plan things with friends and family around my schedule which makes for a long summer. I'm not complaining here because I wouldn't have it any other way. Hell I've been working at Miller Park for 10 years now so I kind of bring this on myself. Basically I'm just saying that I was tired and I needed like 2 weeks off. I got it. So now I'm back. Check back often for some of the most messed up shit you'll read from someone that you've actually been in the same room with. Unarmed too. You brave motherfucker. Just like the Little Toaster...

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 25 - Washington Nationals / Cincinnati Reds

The Washington Nationals are the best team in the National League. That's nice that at least one organization in D.C. is doing something right. Zing Barack Obama! Zing U.S. Senate! Zing The House of Representatives! And Zing the Department of the Interior who makes sure that the carpet matches the drapes. Wait no... I didn't mean to Zing them. I love them. Where can I apply for that job? So Zing just about everyone in D.C. except for the guy who gets to do the pantie checks. That's about as political that I will get on this blog because I don't know shit about politics. I just don't pay attention and I just don't care. So let the hate mail stream in for me not doing my civic duty. Heh heh. Duty. But I do know something about baseball and I know why the Nationals are that good - pitching and a good enough offense. The Nationals had statistically the 2nd best rotation in the entire MLB and the 3rd best bullpen in the NL. As far as the offense goes it was the 4th best in the NL. When you couple those together you get something more beautiful than Gosling and McAdams in The Notebook. Not that I know anything about that romantic shit or anything. But I do know that this series was HUGE if the Brewers wanted to make up any ground in the Wild Card race. But a 4-gamer on the road against the best team in the NL is pretty much the worst thing you can ask for if success is your goal. They have been on an improbable run over the last month plus but it all ends here. Sadly the Brewers have less of a chance at winning this series than Democrats and Republicans have a chance of working together to bail this country out of the shitter. Your move Washington. 

Friday September 21 - Monday September 24. Milwaukee Brewers vs Washington Nationals at Nationals Park. Games 150 - 153 of 162. 3rd Place NL Central, 3 Games Back of 2nd Wild Card. In any other week, any other year, any other moment except for this you would be perfectly fine with the Brewers splitting a 4 game series on the road against the best team in baseball. But this isn't any other time, this is the last 2 weeks of the 2012 season and every win can make us and every loss can break us. St. Louis gets to play Houston again while we play Cincinnati next. That's not fair. 2nd best vs. absolute worst. But that's how the schedule plays out man. They are 3 games out and could be 3 1/2 after tonight. With 9 games left they needed to do better than 2 of 4 against Washington. That sucks to have to be perfect because this is anything but a perfect team. Look at the 2 games they won - Game 1 was an improbable come from behind win that had "special" written all over it and Game 3 also saw them rally late to go ahead for the win. But the problem here was that Games 2 and 4 were absolute clunkers both for the offense and pitching. Hell, throw the defense under the bus as well. And it all goes back to the biggest issue of 2012 - inconsistent  They went on this amazing run but needed to do it to salvage the season. The only reason this won't be a total loss is because we will finish above .500. It's a small consolation prize but it will never be as good as what the other guy got. Brewers 4, Nationals 2. Nationals 10, Brewers 4. Brewers 6, Nationals 2. Nationals 12, Brewers 2.

I hate the Cincinnati Reds. Not as much as I hate the St. Louis Cardinals or the Chicago Cubs but I still hate them. I hate the city of Cincinnati and I hate Great American BallPark. If I have it my way I will never go back to either one. So that (and the fact that it was a Tuesday - Thursday series) is why I wanted no part of the last road series. I also hate Jay Bruce, Joey Votto, Brandon Phillips and Skips O'Donnell (Aroldis Chapman) because they always seem to straight up murder us. Well, without all the blood and killing and whatnot. I still remember the game on Opening Day 2011 when Axford gave up 4 runs in the 9th including a 3-run walkoff homerun to Ramon Hernandez to blow the save and start the season off on a really bad note. Thankfully the Brewers rebounded in 2011 and as you know went on to win the NL Central and make it to the NLCS. They did it again in Game 3 of this series and once again jumped all over Axford in the 9th, but this time it was more devastating because it was in game #156 and not game #1. The stakes were so much bigger this time around and this will be the game that ended all hope of making the playoffs. At this point you can't afford to lose a game, let alone a series. This one hurt a whole lot because I was fighting the urge to throw my heart back in the ring. Had they won this series they would have been still in it with an on paper easy homestand featuring Houston and San Diego. With St. Louis playing Washington and Cincinnati to close out the season it was now or never, and the Brewers chose never. It is fitting though that the bullpen did us in during the game that ended up costing us the most, much as they have done for the entire season. It figures.

Tuesday September 25 - Thursday September 27. Milwaukee Brewers vs Cincinnati Reds at Great American BallPark. Games 154 - 156 of 162. 3rd Place NL Central, 4 Games Back of 2nd Wild Card. Now I've really run out of things to say because Game 3 was such a crushing defeat it knocked the wind outta me. This was such a huge series to prove to the world we were serious contenders for the Playoffs this year. Of course we've known all along (if you've been following this blog) that I thought they never had a chance but with this month plus hot streak they were looking to prove me wrong. Losing Game 1 was big because the Cardinals (as expected) beat Houston. But then we rebounded with a huge win while Houston blanked the Cards 2-0. We were sitting at 3 1/2 on Thursday (the Cards were off) with a chance to get to 3 games back. I told my cousin BK3 that is the Brewers won this game, they would make the Playoffs. But Axford coughed it up with a 1-0 lead by giving up a solo homerun, a single and a triple ALL WITH 2 OUTS and now we're 4 back with only 6 games to play. One game doesn't sound like a lot but it is huge. We need to go 6-0 and St. Louis could go 3-3 and we fall a game short. So realistically we need them to go 1-5. Sounds impossible, right? It damn near is. This sucks. Although I have been negative all year, I would have gladly eaten my words. With or without ranch. Reds 4, Brewers 2. Brewers 8, Reds 1. Reds 2, Brewers 1.

Like I said, up next we have Houston and San Diego to close out the 2012 season at home. At 80 wins they need just 2 out of the next 6 to finish with a "technically" winning record and end the season on a semi-positive note. The season is now over (has been for about a week as I am writing this) but I will try to keep it positive on the way out, because with all that has happened this year it is mighty impressive that we are even in the Playoff conversation. I for one am ready to be done with these wrap-ups so that I can move on with my life and talk about something else for the change. I love the Brewers and everything but these things have consumed my life for the entire summer. Sure I've had some fun along the way and have come up with some pretty random and ridiculous stuff on here but I need to start talking about a different topic. I have so many ideas swirling around in my head but not enough hours in the day to write them down and explore them. This may be a good thing though because some of them are evil thoughts and will lead me down a very dark path. But we will or won't explore those in the next few weeks because Week 26 is my last "What's Brewing in the Crewbicle" article of 2012. Lord help us all.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 24 - New York Mets / Pittsburgh Pirates

I don't understand why the New York Yankees make the playoffs every year while the New York Mets always seem to underachieve and fall short. They are both in one of the largest media markets and populated cities in America. Is it the ownership and management? Is it that one is located in the Bronx while the other is in Queens? I have no idea but I think there has to be something with the fact that the Mets play in a city called Flushing and their team always seems to swirl around the bowl down the drain every August and September. 2012 would be no different. The Mets are 20-40 after the All-Star break at the conclusion of this series, so I can understand how frustrated Mets fans must be. Although Brewers fans are certainly disappointed with how the team has fared overall in 2012 at least they are putting together a nice little run in the 2nd half to at least finish with a respectable record. But you want to know what? I'd still sadly trade franchises with them. I love my Brewers to death and I'm going to be a lifelong fan no matter what, but at least they have won a World Series. No wait - they have won 2 World Series Championships (1969 and 1986) and last appeared in the World Series in 2000 (which they lost to the Yankees). Every fan in Milwaukee knows that 1982 was our only World Series appearance and we lost to the St. Louis Cardinals. That's it. 

Sadly I think I would trade my die-hard loyalty to my franchise for one that has won a World Series because I feel like it would make me feel like a winner instead of the loser that I have been for 31 years. I shouldn't bail on my team like that but I feel like I will die long before the Brewers win a World Series. Oh well. I guess I was born a loser and I will die a loser. No. Fuck that. I don't want to be a Met. I don't want to be a Marlin. I don't want to be a Phillie. I don't want to be a Blue Jay. I don't want to be a Royal. I don't want to be an Oriole. I don't want to be a Twin. I don't want to be a Yankee. I don't want to be a Dodger. I don't want to be a Tiger. I don't want to be a Red Sox, White Sox or any kind of Sox. I don't want to be a Giant. I don't want to be an Angel. I don't want to be an Athletic. I don't want to be an Indian. I don't want to be a Diamondback. I don't want to be a Red. I wouldn't even want to be a Pirate. I certainly don't want to be a Cardinal. And I most definitely don't ever want to be a Cub. I will accept being a Brave (but only the Milwaukee one) but I AM A BREWER. I love beer and the city that invented it, and we don't take no bullshit from anyone!! I promise you right now that I am not going to die until I see my Brewers win a World Series. I better be eternal like Highlander or some shit because modern baseball (despite the revenue sharing and wild card format) still does favor the large market teams when it comes to actually winning a championship. Ah well. I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon, so let's just take it one year at a time, ok? 2013 World Series here we come!

Friday September 14 - Sunday September 16. Milwaukee Brewers vs New York Mets at Miller Park. Games 144 - 146 of 162. 3rd Place NL Central, 2.5 Games Back of Wild Card #2. The Brewers need to win almost every game from here on out for the rest of the season if they want to remain in the playoff talk. Before we go there let me clear this up - I don't think they'll make the playoffs. I think it'll just be a case of too little too late because the odds are stacked against them even though they technically still have a chance. But they certainly did their part by taking the series against the Mets. A sweep would have been magnificent, but you can't sweep every team. The offense wasn't enough to bail out Fiers and Parra in Game 1 but that kind of thing happens. Even though the Brewers are averaging like 6 runs on this current hot streak, they only managed 3 on Friday. Marcum turned in yet another short start (4 innings, 4 ER) on Saturday but the offense bailed him out. Last time that will happen. At least I hope so. I don't want Marcum back next year. Sunday was the most impressive game of the series. Brewers #1 prospect Wily Peralta went 8 innings giving up only 2 hits, 0 runs, 1 walk and stuck out 5. He has been nothing short of amazing since taking Mark Rodgers' spot in the starting rotation. Those 2 pitchers, with the emergence of Michael Fiers, gives me a lot of hope for next year because the offense is returning mostly intact. This rebuilding may take less time than I figured. The future is bright Milwaukee. Mets 7, Brewers 3. Brewers 9, Mets 6. Brewers 3, Mets 0.

I've been a little bit behind on this whole What's Brewing in the Crewbicle series that I've been working on during the 2012 Brewers season. Sorry. I'm trying to catch up here (it is October 2nd as I'm writing this) so that I have my last post right around the time that the season ends. And then I can start working on my year end wrap-up where I compare my 25 Brewers in 25 Days preseason predictions to the actual statistics and see how well I know my Brewers. But that will come in the next few weeks. But why do I bring this up? Since I'm posting one of these Crewbicle articles every 2-3 days instead of once a week as planned it seems like I am constantly writing about the Pittsburgh Pirates. Did we play them every week over the last month of the season? It certainly seems like it because I've run out of Pirate jokes. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C! What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty! Why is pirating addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked! Aaaaarrr! I'll be here all week until I set sail. Looks like I haven't run out of Pirate jokes. That's because it is impossible. Pirates rule, although I do have a little bit of sympathy for the Pittsburgh variation. They have fallen hard, most;y at our hands over the last few weeks. After this series they are now below .500 at 74-75. Just a month ago (on 8/20) they were 12 games over .500, leading the 2nd Wild Card by a half a game and heading towards the playoffs and a winning record for the first time since 1992. Instead they are now spiraling out of control and heading towards their 20th consecutive losing season. As someone who sat through 13 of those (Milwaukee Brewers seasons 1992 - 2005) I feel their pain. I know I said this at one time either in person or here on the blog - I want to see the Pirates end that streak, but I don't want it to come at the Brewers' expense. That having been said this sweep over the Pirates helped us climb 5 games over and we sent them walking the plank at 1 game under. Ah well. Ye were a good mate to sail the 7 seas with Pittsburgh. Ye will be missed.

Tuesday September 18 - Sunday September 20. Milwaukee Brewers vs Pittsburgh Pirates at PNC Park. Games 147 - 149 of 162. 3rd Place NL Central, 2.5 Games Back of Wild Card #2. It's really hard to get excited about a sweep over the Pittsburgh Pirates. First of all they're playing so poorly they might as well pack it in and call it a 20th consecutive losing season. Secondly it has come to the point where anything else would be a complete failure. St. Louis played the AAA Round Rock Express posing as the Major League Houston Astros so you know they would sweep them. The Brewers need a sweep of their own just to stay 2 1/2 games back. Now that sucks. As good as we've played over the last 30 games it's still not enough because St. Louis just can't and won't lose. So nothing excites me right now because I know the outcome. And it's too little too late unless the Cardinals fall apart. The Brewers do get an "A" for effort though and not quitting, especially in Game 3 when Fiers just didn't have it and we had to use 7 pitchers to get through 9 innings. The offense put up 5 runs in the 8th and 9th to come from behind and take the series. The other 2 games were just your standard good team over a bad team dominance. Just like old times. Did you see that? I called the Brewers a good team, something I've struggled with saying all year. I believe I said it once but put a footnote that they had a fatal flaw - the bullpen, which has fixed itself as of late. So we are back to being the team we were supposed to be. It's about time. Brewers 6, Pirates 0. Brewers 3, Pirates 1. Brewers 9, Pirates 7.

The roadtrip continues with a brutal 4 game series against the best team in the NL, the Washington Nationals and then concludes with a 3 game series against the 2nd best team in the NL, the Cincinnati Reds. These next 7 games will make or break our playoff run at the 2nd Wild Card. Unfortunately we all know the end result, but will that stop you from coming back here in a few days to see what I thought about that series? It better not. But at this point I'm convinced that I am talking to myself around here because who in the world has the time to sit back and read this shit? No one. Then why do I do it? Because I love the Brewers and I love to write. If I didn't do this or something similar than I'd probably go crazy. I already don't sleep longer than 5 hours a night because my brain works on overtime from the hours of 10pm - 2am and I just have to do something with it so I don't drive myself crazy. And I don't want to go crazy. You wouldn't like me when I'm crazy. The world just can't survive that. So instead of unleashing this mind on the world I instead chain it to this blog. You're welcome.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 23 - St. Louis Cardinals / Atlanta Braves

We have been chasing the St. Louis Cardinals longer than Tom has been chasing Jerry. That's because they are the class of the NL Central and they seemingly have been since like forever really. I don't have the time nor the patience to look this one up, but I can promise you that they finish within the top 3 of the division every year. I hate the Cardinals in a way that is different than the way in which I hate the Cubs. I wish the Brewers could be like the Cardinals. Mostly I wish that we had a storied history and won multiple World Series Championships. Shit, I'd give just about anything to see the Brewers win just 1 in my lifetime. And the Cardinals go out and win an improbable one last year as the Wild Card team when everyone said that it couldn't be done. They went on some ridiculous run to close out the year so why can't the Brewers do the same thing? Truth be told they are on a roll right now but the 2012 Brewers are not the 2011 Cardinals. You can point fingers and call out several players but I'm not going to get into that. Their situations are completely different which is the biggest disparity between the Cardinals and the Brewers. Last year the Cardinals were in 2nd place for the Wildcard and only had to worry about the Braves in front of them. I'm not saying it happens every day that a team goes on a ridiculous hot streak while the other one goes on an epic collapse, but it is a more likely scenario to expect 3/4 teams in front of you to fall apart all at the same time while you go on some crazy run. It's just too tall of an order to ask for considering they have already played over their heads to get back to this point. I don't know man, call me a negative Nancy or some shit but I don't care. For personal reasons I just can't get buy in and say they are going to make the playoffs because it goes against every thing I've believed this entire season. Feel free to yell at me all you want and take away my fan card. I know that I'm right. At least I'm right in my world. And I don't really care about what happens outside of my world. Scotty's World. Booyah motherfucker. If you don't like it you can write your own god damn blog and tell everyone your opinion. And now back to my opinion. You know you want to hear it.

Friday September 7 - Sunday September 9. Milwaukee Brewers vs St. Louis Cardinals at Busch Stadium. Games 138 - 140 of 162. The St. Louis Cardinals currently hold the 2nd Wildcard and final playoff spot. Well, at least the gateway into the playoffs. This series was huge. The Brewers have been on a nice run lately and are within a few games of .500 for the first time since April or some shit. A lot of people are back on the playoff wagon but not me. They need to have a winning record first before we talk about that nonsense. And here's the other thing - Pittsburgh (2.5 back) and LA (1.5 back) still stand in our way. And even if we somehow win the 2nd Wildcard we'd have to play Atlanta in a 1-game playoff game to make the NLDS. So it'll take a lot of work. So now we got that out of the way. Even though the season will end Oct. 3rd, that doesn't mean we still can't have fun now. I hate the Cardinals more than I hate the Cubs. Wow. Didn't think that would happen. But after the NLCS last year and the fact that they've won multiple World Series Championships in their history makes me boil over with jealousy. So I like to stick it to them when I can. Friday after a rain delay and 13 innings the Brew Crew really showed them what's up. Never feels good to lose a game like that. Suck it St. Louis. Your Arch is an abomination. Rainbow looking f*ck. Saturday we owned them from start to finish and then nearly stole Sunday's game but lost it in the 10th. Well done on the road there gang but now it's time to come back home and take care of business. I need a winning record. I'm not ready to be a loser again. Tired of that shit. Brewers 5, Cardinals 4. Brewers 6, Cardinals 3. Cardinals 5, Brewers 4.

The Braves hold the 1st Wildcard with an 81-60 record. With 21 games remaining they could lose all of them and still finish .500. They could go 10-11 the rest of the way and still win the 1st NL Wildcard with a 91-71 record. Never say never, but I seriously doubt that the Atlanta Braves of 2012 will suffer the same collapse as their 2011 counterparts. So why do I bring this up? This series isn't as important as the one against the Cardinals was because you aren't chasing the Braves. You are so far behind them you can't even see their dust trails anymore. So for the Brewers these games are only important as far as winning goes; the opponent is irrelevant. At this point the Brewers just need to keep on winning no matter who they play and winning was what they did. I was at 2 of the 3 games (Monday and Wednesday) with my buddy Mike Bates who was in town with the week, and it was a hell of a good time. Even though I'll hold true to my beliefs that they won't make the playoffs, you've got to give the players credit for turning it around and getting the fans back into this. The atmosphere is always great at Miller Park and it is without a doubt one of the best places to watch a baseball game. But without the fans getting hyped and going nuts it just isn't the same. It's not quite as it was last year (and who could blame them as the Brewers had 57 wins at home, by far the best home record in all of baseball) but the home crowd is still having a great time. They must all be drunk. With this 3 game sweep the Brewers are above .500 for the first time since April 12 when they were 4-3. Let that sink in for a little bit. They were above .500 when they were 4-3 (Game 7) and did not get back to that point until 72-71 (Game 143). That's just wrong but it just goes to show what kind of season it has been and why I haven't been able to fully enjoy it. For the most part it has been a disappointing season. But with 19 games remaining they have put themselves in a position to make it one hell of a ride on the way out. It sure feels nice to back at this point but it is too little too late. We should have been hovering around .500 all season long if not for the slow offense and shaky bullpen in the first few months of the season. But it is good to be back. Now let's see where we can go from here.

Monday September 10 - Wednesday September 13. Milwaukee Brewers vs Atlanta Braves at Miller Park. Games 141 - 143 of 162. What the hell is going on here? And I mean that in a good way. When Gamel and Gonzalez went down we were in trouble. When Lucroy broke his hand I lost hope. When Axford and KRod blew seemingly every game which led to 7 losses in a row we waived the white flag and traded Greinke. Flash forward to today and we're 1 game above .500. 3 games back of the 2nd Wildcard, winners of 18 of the last 23 games including 9 straight at home and the hottest team in baseball with 19 games remaining. We're seriously in this playoff chase. The Atlanta Braves are the 1st Wildcard with a 81-63 record, but we manhandled them this series. Do you know what manhandling is? That's when you grab a guy's balls, taking control of the very thing that makes him a man. Our offense was clutch, the starting pitching was dominant and the bullpen locked it down. This team is very impressive right now. I still think we're a longshot to make the playoffs because we need to go 15-4 (for 87 wins) to have a legitimate chance at the Wildcard. Plus we need to hope that St. Louis, Pittsburgh, LA and Philadelphia lose almost every day. It's a tall order. I don't like them tall. I like them short, sexy and sassy. I can't go all in. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken again. if they come up short. I can't go balls to the walls because I don't want the wheels to fall off. But what's the worst that could happen? They fall short and we reload for next year. Brewers fans are used to next year. Brewers 4, Braves 1. Brewers 5, Braves 0. Brewers 8, Braves 2.

Coming up next is the New York Mets and the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Mets have lost their last 6 games and are crumbling in the 2nd half while the Brewers have won 18 of their last 25 including 17 of 19 at home. I think it's pretty safe to say that this series will work out in our favor. After that we start our final roadtrip of the year with a brutal 10-game, 3 city stretch that begins in Pittsburgh. At least we have the Pirates' number over the last few years and their ship is sinking badly. We'll make them walk the plank for sure. I thought I was done with this Pirate Talk nonsense. But with International Talk Like a Pirate Day coming up on September 19th this is only the beginning it what is sure to be a long trip at sea. I hope I don't get scurvy.

 - pookon - 

www.pookon.com

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 22 - Pittsburgh Pirates / Miami Marlins

I know that we played the Pittsburgh Pirates again but don't worry folks - I won't talk about pillaging, plundering or dirty pirate hookers. Although I could go for a little booty right about now. Yeeeeeee-aaaaaarrrrrghhh!!!! Avast her panties! God damn do I have some serious problems. I need to get a girlfriend, a nice Catholic girl, so that I will get back on the straight and narrow path towards righteousness. I do need to get back on the right path because I had one hell of a weekend that I can only remember because of my Twitter account. Saturday was my cousin Susie's fiancee Curtis' Bachelor Party. Here are a couple of tweets to help you get into the spirit (although booze probably helps a ton): On the party bus drinking backpack rum, on the way to some drunken debauchery. #CurtisBachelorParty Just played a $1 slot machine and won $82 doll hairs! Just like that! No effort! Casinos rule! #CurtisBachelorParty. I'm getting more action from the air conditioner than I am from the girl on the stage. You've got to be kidding me. #CurtisBachelorParty. That doesn't even to begin to describe the night but I spent the whole next day (Sunday) trying to recover from it despite having to work the game at Miller Park. Even though we won 12-8 I couldn't stand being there because I felt awful. The game dragged on for hours and all I wanted to do is sleep off my hangover that started hitting me about 2pm, which I figure was delayed because I was still drunk when I woke up that morning. Seriously man, I blacked out the night before and it wasn't until a few days later where I heard stories of what happened. Ha ha ha. Classic. So that's all that I remember (or don't remember?) of this Labor Day Weekend series with the Pirates.

Friday August 31 - Sunday September 2. Milwaukee Brewers vs Pittsburgh Pirates at Miller Park. Games 131 - 133 of 162. This past weekend feels like it was so long ago. So much to the point that I don't really remember it. That seems to be my thing over the weekend. This was my weekend that I don't remember to remember forever. Epic man. I know I was at the game working on Friday but I even looked through the box score and I don't recognize anything familiar. But I know they won 9-3. Saturday I don't even know where I was, but according to my Twitter account @pookondotcom, I had one hell of a time at Curtis' Bachelor Party. Apparently Corey Hart hit a walkoff homerun or something. I remember Sunday but only because of how awful it was. I felt like I was dying and I very much could have been going through my own personal hell. The game seemed to last forever even though it was 3 1/2 hours long. But I couldn't handle it and must have looked like a complete waste of space out there. Oh well. That's over. We're back to 3 games under .500 and surprisingly only 6 1/2 games back of the wildcard. While many people hopped back on the bandwagon I'm gonna hold my position I've had all year. My eyes and brain overtake what my heart wants to feel. It's just not our year man. Brewers 9, Pirates 3. Brewers 3, Pirates 2. Brewers 12, Pirates 8.

I don't really remember any of these games either. I think I'm sensing a common theme here, only this series wasn't booze related. In a matter of happenstance or coincidence I found a place to live and after a little over a year, I moved out of my Mother's house. Obviously I was busy over the past weekend blacking out so Labor Day (when everyone else takes the day off for one last hurrah before summer is over) I was working hard carrying couches and boxes up the stairs. It was a total blast and I loved every minute of it. Bullshit. Who loves moving? Moving sucks balls. I don't even know why I keep doing it every single year. Once of these days I'll plant my roots somewhere and grow my own family tree but that idea is still pretty far away. I listed to the games on the radio when I could but for the most part I was busy all week moving stuff. Because of my 9-5 job and being busy on the weekends, I could only move a load from my Dad's house from 6-8 after work and for the most part I was moving everything myself. Thanks to Dad, Brian, Jenny and Mom for their help if they end up reading this and think that I screwed them out of some of the credit. So I apologize if I don't recall any of the details from these games except for the box scores but for me it was business as usual in the 2012 season - life comes first, Brewers baseball is now secondary. I still care about my team and I love them to pieces, but the biggest of hugs are now reserved for the people that I care about the most, not 25 men who don't give a shit about me and will never be there to help me out in my time of need except to offer a distraction. So I for about a week here I lost track of the team but I'm sure that someone out there (what was his name... Jesus?) will forgive me for it. I promise I'll be here the rest of September to half pay attention to this team while I'm trying to put my life back together.

Monday September 3 - Thursday September 6. Milwaukee Brewers vs Miami Marlins at Marlins Park. Games 134 - 137 of 162. For everyone who has always been on the playoffs bandwagon or has recently jumped back on, this series should tell you why they aren't going to make it. Pitching and defense doomed them in Game 1. Game 2 was a very nice all around game, but I'd like to see our starters go deeper than 5-6 innings. In Game 3 the bullpen tried to take away Wily Peralta's 1st major league victory much like they did for Mark Rogers a few times. But somehow they pulled through. And then in Game 4 they lacked clutch hitting and went 0 for 7 with runners in scoring position. Each game was completely different. And therein lies the problem with the 2012 Brewers - lack of consistency. They came so close as to be 2 games under .500 (for the first time since mid May) and are 7 games back in the Wild Card with 25 games left to play. Look, I understand we're not technically out of it, but it's tough to expect us to continue this recent hot streak while also expecting the teams in front of us (Arizona, LA, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Atlanta) to all go cold at the same time. It's like the classic Lloyd Christmas "So you're telling me there's a chance!" after all that "One in a million talk." It's not likely to happen man. Especially considering the 2012 Brewers. Marlins 7, Brewers 3. Brewers 8, Marlins 4. Brewers 8, Marlins 5. Marlins 6, Brewers 2.

It's really nice to be back around .500 for some reason. I don't get get why being average is so important to me but I don't want them to have a losing record at the end of the season. When they were at their lowest point which I think is around 12 games under, I was more of a Reck than usual because all seemed to be lost with no chance of being found. But look! Here we are climbing back towards respectability and making a name for ourselves along the way. Sure we may hit a couple of bumps along the way but then who doesn't? The best part about grade school fieldtrips was sitting in the back of the yellow school bus and going over bumps. Since those sumbitches didn't have seatbelts sometimes you could literally fly right out of your seat. It was always a mad dash to get on of the few seats back there and I remember on several vacations stepping off the bus nauseated because my stomach just went for a wicked ride from St. Catherine's to the Pumpkin Farm. I wish everything in life could be that simple and pure but that's not the way that life looks when you grow up and let things take you down. When you got sick from the bumps on the bus as a kid you thought it was the sweetest thing ever. When you get sick as an adult you feel like you are going through hell. Funny how things change. And things will continue to change for me and the Brewers as we continue along this ride that is the 2012 Season. Next up? A really tough week against the Cardinals and the Braves, the 2 teams that are currently holding possession of the 2 NL Wildcard spots. This would be a really good opportunity to make up some ground. 

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 21 - Pittsburgh Pirates / Chicago Cubs

I wonder what it would be like to be in love with a Pirate. For the sake of not coming off as being gay (not like there's anything wrong with that though. Gay just ain't the way for me.) let's make it a female Pirate. I know that the Pirate stereotype is a dude with dreadlocks, an eye patch, ruffled shirt, captain's hat, sword and hook and that girls in the pirate lore are usually whores or wenches. Now I've fallen in love with my fair share of whores and wenches in my day. Let's face it pal, who hasn't? It's in a guy's DNA to go for the dirty girls. We've all been there. But what if this girl was a swashbuckler herself? A strong and feisty girl who could take care of me both in a sword fight and in the bedroom. Now that's my ideal woman. I'm not one to fight or stand up for what I believe in because I'm kind of a pansy. I want my woman to be a real spark plug. That's why I think I could fall in love with a female pirate. If only that fantasy would come true and I could finally be happy for once. Unfortunately it's probably another of my dreams that will fail to reach reality. But if there are any sassy female Pirates out there who are looking for a Product Build Specialist and part time writer then you know how to reach me. So I can tap that arrrrrrrse.

So why do I bring this up? Other than to tell you that I'm a sick son of a bitch and lonely as hell, I love Pirates. Always have and always will. But how does this connect to baseball and the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers season? Despite being an improved team, the Pittsburgh Pirates are still our bitches. They can do whatever they want and we can play at either park (Miller or PNC) and we will still come out on top the majority of the time. Remember when PNC Park used to be a place of nightmares for this team? Not anymore. Strangely this was our first trip to Pittsburgh in 2012 and the Brewers responded by taking 2 out of the 3 games. It was almost as beautiful as the city skyline behind the outfield fences. But underneath all that apparent beauty was a real stinker. Just like Pittsburgh. Sorry Steel City. I couldn't resist. You were nothing but kind to me in my 2 hours that I spent there in 2010 and I shouldn't have went there. But I did and now we need to work extra hard to patch up our relationship so that we don't break it off and start sleeping with other people. Sure it will be fun and exciting at first but then we will start to see the look of regret when we stare into the mirror. Then when we pass by each other on the street we will look into each other's eyes and wondered what might have been had we went to couple's therapy and worked it out instead of going our separate ways. But you cannot lament on the past. You can only try and improve in the future. So here's hoping that next time I'm "in" Pittsburgh I'll be there longer than 2 hours and learn to truly appreciate her and treat her right. Or maybe I'll be swept off my feet by some scurvy Pirate hottie. You never know.

Friday August 24 - Sunday August 26. Milwaukee Brewers vs Pittsburgh Pirates at PNC Park. Games 124 - 126 of 162. It's late August and the Brewers make their first trip to PNC Park. Both teams are in the NL Central, right? That's some weird scheduling. Even weirder is the fact that I wasn't there. Sure, I've been to Pittsburgh and seen PNC Park, but it was just a stop on the way to Washington D.C. I don't know why I didn't plan a roadtrip when the 2012 schedule came out. I must not have been thinking 4th dimensionally. Yeah, I got a real problem with that. I missed a great series too. But it was this close to being a bad one. In Game 1 Axford nearly blew the save by giving up 2 runs but he was pulled and Kameron Loe finished it up. Then the Brewers must have been hungover or some shit, realizing they won a game on the road because they came out with a lackluster affair on Saturday. Story of my life. I can't even create a spark when I'm cheating on my wife. You'd think there would be some some air of mystique or the danger of getting caught. Nope. But on Sunday the Brewers must have gotten a good night's sleep the night before because they came out with the usual display of homerun prowess. Go-Go and Rami made the difference and we won a series on the road for the 1st time since the All-Star Break. Oh what a lovely season it has been. And oh what a lovely tea party. Brewers 6, Pirates 5. Pirates 4, Brewers 0. Brewers 7, Pirates 0.

I could really love a Pirate, but I don't think I could ever love one of the Cubs. Not even if she had nice totties and a million dollar smile. She could be the most beautiful girl in the world with musical talents to match and still I don't think I could look past the red "C" on her chest. Of course I would keep looking at her chest long after I decided that we could never be together (I am a man after all) but there is no room in my heart to love a Cubs fan. Even though they have become the 2nd worst team in the National League and we have steamrolled them all season long, I still don't feel any apathy for the team, the city of Chicago or any of the stuck up Northsiders who think they are better than everyone else. You know what isn't better than anything else in this world? Wrigley Field. I already proclaimed my disdain for the Neighborhood Dump in Week 20's post but it deserves a rehash because that place really does suck balls. Throw out the nostalgia factor and Wrigley has nothing else going for it. So it survives on memories and old timey feelings alone. That's not enough to convince someone like me, who doesn't give a shit about the Chicago Cubs, to visit there more than once in my life. Sadly I've been there more than once and I can recall every game that I've spent in that horrid place. I won't go back there even if my girlfriend promises me sex afterwards. OK, so that's a complete and utter lie because I would do just about anything to get some from my frigid and uptight significant other. But seeing as how I don't have a girlfriend and don't see any girl getting with my insane ass in the near future I guess I don't have to worry about anything like that. So I'm gonna stay true to my blue-collar Milwaukee roots and stay away from all girls because any one of them could be a closeted Cubs fan in disguise. That's why I've been single all these years. Didn't want to risk falling in love with the enemy.

Monday August 27 - Thursday August 30. Milwaukee Brewers vs Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field. Games 127 - 130 of 162. I hate this team. By that statement you might be assuming I'm talking about the Cubs. Don't make an assumption. When you do that you make an ass out of u and mption. I hate the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers. In Game 1 they had a 6-4 lead going into the 9th then just obliterated Cubs pitching for 9 runs in the 9th complete with back-to-back-to-back HR's from Braun, Ramierez and Hart in a 15-4 beat down. Then in the next 2 games they got stellar pitching from Gallardo and Fiers and some timely offense. So why do I hate this team? Game 4. By winning 8 of the last 10 they had almost brought themselves back into playoff contention and were creeping in on .500. In the 6th inning they were comfortably up 9-3 but Livan Hernandez gave up 5 runs then KRod gave up 3 runs in the 9th to blow the save and erase any momentum they had been gaining. So why do I hate them? I guess it's my fault. I'm not one (like my cousin Brian) who thinks they are a playoff team, but for a few days I tricked myself into thinking they were at least a good team and had a shot at finishing at .500 to not make this a losing season. I don't know why I care. Even if they finish at .500 or above it is a losing season. After last year everything else is a letdown. Curse me for having such high expectations. If only I had the same expectations for myself. My life wouldn't suck. Brewers 15, Cubs 4. Brewers 4, Cubs 1. Brewers 3, Cubs 1. Cubs 12, Brewers 11.

The Brewers return home for a quickie (I should be so lucky) then head on on the road again against the newly named Miami Marlins in their gay ass ballpark. The season hasn't gone as planned up until this point but then again, does anything ever go as we planned? That just goes to show that your plan doesn't mean shit as far as the Universe is concerned. The Universe is just like the Honey Badger. Honey Badger don't care! Honey Badger don't give a shit! So get over it my friend. And since this is the part where I talk to you from the future I can tell you that things get a whole let better in the next few weeks. But you're just going to have to check back here at a later date to read my reaction to those games. Sorry pal. Thems the rules. If you don't like it then you can walk the plank ye scurvy dog!!

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 20 - Philadelphia Phillies / Chicago Cubs

I'm sure that the Philadelphia Phillies fans are so upset right now that they might throw batteries, snowballs and boo Santa Claus. Wait, you mean that they've already done that? What's next? Are they going to sacrifice live animals and burn an effigy? The Phillies have won something like 5 straight NL East Division Titles and last won the World Series in 2008. I'm sure that their fans have some pretty high standards nowadays and demand nothing less than victory. See I really know nothing about that because I have been a lifelong Brewers fan and with a couple of exceptions (1982, 2008, 2011) we have been a pretty horrible franchise. I'm not complaining because I love my Brewers and I will do so for the rest of my life. I'll come down pretty hard on them like I have done this year but that's just me being honest and telling it like it is. You can have your own opinions but these are mine. I don't really know where I was going with this which is surprising right now because I'm stone cold sober. I thought that people were supposed to be able to function and remember things when they aren't drinking. Isn't that why so many Mothers are against it? Mine certainly is. I guess I just function better with a couple of drinks in me. I should go pour one right now. But I'm not going to so you're just going to have to deal with sober me fucking everything up like a bumbling idiot. So here we are - The Phillies and The Brewers. Two teams that had high expectations in 2012 after both their seasons were cut short by the eventual World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals. But it doesn't take a die-hard fan of either of these teams to tell you that so far 2012 hasn't gone  exactly as planned. But future me (writing this on September 15) knows that things are going to get better. But more on that later. Let's focus on this series from August 16-19 instead. Here is my immediate reaction following the 4-game series.

Thursday August 16 - Sunday August 19. Milwaukee Brewers vs Philadelphia Phillies at Miller Park. Games 117 - 120 of 162. This was a battle of bad teams with high expectations that experienced a lot of injuries this year. The Phillies and the Brewers are pretty similar this year. Never mind the difference in payroll or the fact that the Brewers haven't won a G D thing in their history. I'm just talking about 2012. Then it was no surprise that they have similar records (Philadelphia has a 56-65 record) and both sit at the bottom of their divisions. Oh, and they also split this series. I believe someone dubbed this 4-gamer as the battle of disappointing teams. I just dub it the series of who freakin' cares. Sure I watched the games on Thursday and Friday, but only because I was at the ballpark. I attempted to watch the game Saturday but instead opted to do something fun. Some Wayne's World 2 ribald humor with the one and only Jenny Reck. And then on Sunday I passed out watching the game. Some fan I am. But to tell you the truth I have more fun with these write-ups than I do watching the games, but I need to watch the games to do the write-ups. It's a tangled web I weave, kind of like Charlotte. I wonder what happened to her. Maybe she was the spider who was swallowed by the Old Lady to catch the fly. Perhaps she'll die. Everyone dies you know. Especially when you eat cats, goats, cows and horses. Brewers 7, Phillies 4. Brewers 6, Phillies 2. Phillies 4, Brewers 3. Phillies 8, Brewers 0.

The Chicago Cubs. Even in a year when they are among the worst teams in baseball I hate them so much and want nothing more than to beat them mercilessly, especially here at Miller Park. Those asshole fans used to call our home "Wrigley North" but Cubs fans haven't been coming up here in droves this year because they suck as much as their team does. Next week (unfortunately) the Brewers have to travel to the piece of shit place they play in that they try to pass off as a Major League Ballpark. If I have any say in where my body goes for the rest of my life I will go just about anywhere except for that joint. When I'm old and slumped over in a wheelchair drooling all over myself I hope my caretakers have adhered to my wishes and don't wheel my old broken down ass into Wrigley Field. I'm sure that dump will still be there in like 60 years because for some reason Cubs fans like watching a baseball game in a place that smells like urine and has weeds growing on the walls. But none of that applies to Miller Park, voted by Milwaukee Brewers fans this year in an ESPN poll as the Best Ballpark in America. I hope I die at Miller Park. Not anytime soon though because I'm an instrument of God and I still have a lot of work to do on this planet before I get called back home. But one player whose work is done is Randy Wolf, who was cut by the team on his birthday. Bye bye pal. Here's a birthday cake. I bet it's filled with rejection and a couple of million dollars. We're still paying him for not being on the team plus we get to buy out his 2013 option at like $1.75 million. I wish I got that kind of birthday present. I don't want to complain because my Mom gives me some pretty sweet stuff, but just one of these years I'd like to get several beige sacks of money with $$$ on them from the Milwaukee Brewers. They gave them to Bill Hall, Jeff Suppan and now Randy Wolf, so I'm sure they can spare a couple for little ol' me. You know where I work and you know where I live. I'll be expecting my sacks of cash any day now. Until then I'll still be venting about my frustration over this 2012 season that got a lot better with a 3-game sweep of the Chicago Cubs.

Monday August 20 - Wednesday August 22. Milwaukee Brewers vs Chicago Cubs at Miller Park. Games 121 - 123 of 162. I know that the Cubs are a bad team and sweeping then is not a monumental achievement. But look at Houston and Colorado - those were bad teams too and they took care of us like an English Butler. No that's a bad analogy. That would imply they were nice to us and tucked us in at night and read us stories. Ok here we go again - they took care of us like an underpaid City Sanitation Worker. Was that better? That would suck especially if you were Oscar the Grouch and they threw away your home while you were still in it. I can't imagine his can is all the great but it has to be better than the City Dump. But maybe Oscar would like the City Dump. Why am I talking about this? Oh yeah, because it's more interesting that this series. Even though I can only name 2 or 3 players on the current Cubs roster they still are professional baseball players and a win is a win. And let's not forget that a win over the Cubs is sweeter than a win over anyone else. Always good to send those Northsiders back home crying. Don't let the toll-gate hit you on the ass on your way down I-94 pal. But the only thing that will be remembered from this series didn't even happen on the field as the Brewers released Randy Wolf and his 3-10 record with a 5.69 ERA. On his 36th birthday no less. Well how about that. Happy Birthday pal. You're fired. Brewers 9, Cubs 5. Brewers 5, Cubs 2. Brewers 3, Cubs 2.

Coming up next is a nice little 7 game roadtrip starting in Pittsburgh and ending in Chicago at Wrigley Field which I so lovingly talked about just a little bit ago. I love Pittsburgh and I can't wait to go back there. But like I said I will never go back to Wrigley unless my life depended on it. I can't imagine a scenario where my life would depend on it but terrorists can be some pretty ruthless fucks. They might hold my family or even my entire adopted county of Mexico hostage and I would have to think about even going to Wrigley to save their lives. That's how much I hate that joint. It embodies everything I hate about Chicago and the Cubs. I get so angry sometimes that I just lose my mind and I start boiling over like a goddamn volcano. But none of that really matters if we take care of business out there which I'm sure is a pretty easy task these days considering the shape of their team. You know what happened but I'm sure you'll come back here soon to read my reaction. You love that shit.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

What's Brewing in the Crewbicle? - Week 19 - Houston Astros / Colorado Rockies

I never considered myself to be a scientist but I'd like to try a little experiment. Actually I'd like to enlist the help of the most notable scientist in the world Emmett L. "Doc" Brown to help me out seeing as how I failed chemistry and got a D in physics. After all I am more of an athlete (with beer pong and frisbee being my sports) than a mathlete. But here is my experiment. I want to put together a rag-tag baseball team featuring myself and The Great Hambino and Scotty Smalls from The Sandlot, Chet "The Rocket" Stedman and Henry Rowengartner from Rookie of the Year, Air Bud from Seventh Inning Fetch, Clark from The Benchwarmers, Montgomery Brewster and Spike Nolan from Brewster's Millions, Ed the Chimpanzee from Ed, Roger Dorn and Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn from Major League, Doris Murphy and Mae Mordabito from A League of Their Own, Danny Hemmerling and Mel Clark from Angels in the Outfield, Max 'Hammer' Dubois from Mr. Baseball and Stan Ross from Mr. 3000. I'm sure we would sprinkle in a couple of other seasoned veterans like Jake Taylor from Major League or Crash Davis from Bull Durham but for the most part we'd be a bunch of role players. And of course we would be managed by George Knox from Angels in the Outfield, the bench coach would be Conor O'Neil from Hard Ball, the hitting coach would be Jimmy Dugan from A League of Their Own and the pitching coach would be Phil Brickma from Rookie of the Year. I don't know why I would need Doc Brown to help me with this experiment because this seems more like a "Round 'Em Up" type job that Bill and Ted would be more apt to deal with, but either way here is what I would like to do: I want to get these guys together and play against the Houston Astros because I have no doubt that my fictional team would be able to beat them. Shit, anyone could beat them because they are the worst baseball team. I would invest my life savings to make that match-up happen. But sadly we didn't get that game. We got to see the hapless Astros manhandle the Brewers and their inept bullpen.

The Astros are well on their way to losing a 100 games but our decrepit bullpen helped stave that by allowing them to win Games 1 + 2 in the final inning of each of those games and prove to every man woman and child in Milwaukee that they really are that bad. I really don't know how else to say it. There is no spin that I can put on it to make it sound any better. We flat out gave this series away and proved once again that there really is no place like home. That hot piece of ass Dorothy was right all along. She clicked her slippers when she said it. You all remember that part. Hell it's ingrained in your memory as much as the Wicked Witch jumping over a dirt hill on a motorcycle. You don't remember that? Then you must not have been watching my Nana's copy of the movie. Because that's one of the memories that I hold dear from my childhood that the booze has been unable to destroy. And I won't ever let it be taken away from me like Liam Neeson's daughter. Not on my watch. I could sit here and go on and on about how pathetic our bullpen has been this year and how it was totally exposed in this series, but you've already heard that story. How about a story that you never have heard? I peed my pants in the changing room of the J.C. Penny's Outlet Store (which I lovingly referred to as Ghetto Penny's) when I was a teenager because I couldn't hold it in anymore. I don't know why I didn't just stop trying on pants and go to the real restroom but I guess that's because it was far away at the front of the store. Needless to say I was really embarrassed and I left the clothes I was trying on in the changing room and I begged my Mom to leave. She couldn't tell because my clothes that I wore there were not soaked with urine. That was probably the last time I peed my pants when I was not in the water and I still think about it to this day. Who does that? Gross. Would you rather hear about that or the Milwaukee Brewers? You voted Brewers? And so did everyone else? Damn it. I guess I shouldn't have told that story then. Boy is my face red... I should't have dressed as the Kool Aid Kool Man for Halloween...

I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this. That John Denver is full of shit man. I haven't been to Colorado since 2001 and I've been itching to go back ever since. I was supposed to go to this series with the one and only Mad Man Dave Foley because he has family out there but I decided not to. He still went but I opted out because it was a weekday series. I get a limited amount of vacation time at work and if I want to do a Brewers roadtrip it most likely has to be during the weekend. That was the only thing stopping me from venturing out to to Coors Field but in hindsight I'm glad I sat on my couch back home in Milwaukee. Game 1 was not as close as it looks like in the box score as Michael Fiers, one of the true shining lights in an otherwise dim season, had his first awful showing of the year as he gave up 8 runs in just 2 innings of work. The offense put up 3 garbage runs in the 9th to make it respectable. Game 2 was just as bad as Randy Wolf continued his horrid 2012 season by allowing 6 runs over 5 innings (and 4 in the 1st inning) to put the Brewers into an early hole which they couldn't dig themselves out of. Once again they managed to score 3 garbage runs in the 9th to make it look like a close game. They were in line to salvage Game 3 and avoid the sweep but Henderson blew the save and allowed 2 runs in the 9th inning to close out a horrific 1-5 roadtrip. It was ugly. And trust me man I know ugly. For some reason I continue to look in the mirror on a daily basis despite already knowing what stares back at me. I went to my Doctor and I said "Hey Doc - every day I wake up and look in the mirror I want to throw up! What's wrong with me?" And he said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect!" My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. So you're ugly too!" It was an ugly series, and even though I know I would have had a great time in Colorado, I'm glad I didn't leave the Dairy State. There will be plenty of time left for roadtrips. I'll try another year when the Brewers don't suck so much away from Miller Park. Will that ever happen?

Friday August 10 - Sunday August 12. Milwaukee Brewers vs Houston Astros at Minute Maid Park. Games 111 - 113 of 162. This was embarrassing. What a bunch of nonsense. All I ask for this team now is to finish with a respectable record but it seems every member of the bullpen is hell-bent on blowing that idea right out of the water, older grown-up Peter Banning style. Peter - you've become a Pirate! Houston is the worst team in MLB and possibly of all time. Before Friday's game when Axford blew the save Houston had not had a walk-off win ALL YEAR LONG! Geez, has it really been that long? All year? And then thanks to Henderson on Saturday, Houston walked it off AGAIN! 2 in a row! 2 blown saves! I'm mad that I care and still get upset by this crap. And the Astros who were just 36-77 before they took the series against our bullpen. They didn't beat our offense or our starting pitching. They beat our bullpen. And they nearly swept us but Kameron Loe figured out how to do something Henderson and Axford couldn't - close out a game. But he's not the answer there. Hell no. I don't know what's going on or how to fix it. I don't pretend to have it figured out. I'm just a guy writing about this baseball team. And Zombies. Astros 4, Brewers 3. Astros 6, Brewers 5. Brewers 5, Astros 3.

Monday August 13 - Wednesday August 15. Milwaukee Brewers vs Colorado Rockies at Coors Field. Games 114 - 116 of 162. What in the world just happened over the last few days? The bigger question is why do I still care? It's like they set out to lose the game and accidentally win every now and then. How do you lose the series to the f#cking Houston Astros and then get swept by the Colorado Rockies? Both teams are close or more than 30 games under .500! Shit. Then how bad are we? Let me tell you. By season's end we will be one of the 5 worst teams in the Major Leagues. Suck on that Milwaukee. I don't know why I'm so vulgar right now but Randy Wolf (game 2) and Michael Fiers (game 1) and the bullpen (game 3) really have me in a tizzy right now. Is losing fun? Do you like this? Are you having fun with your deluxe apartments and your Victoria Silvstedt, Playmate of the Year? I hope you're having a good time because I'm not. I don't ever want to go to the ballpark again this season, not even if I am getting paid to be there and even if there is a fire! NOT EVER! But I know I will be there. I love being a loser. That's why I follow this losing team. Rockies 9, Brewers 6. Rockies 8, Brewers 6. Rockies 7, Brewers 6.

Next up the Brewers return home to The Keg to host the NL East last place Philadelphia Phillies and the hopeless Chicago Cubs. Some good has to come out of this because Week 19 was nothing but bad news for your Milwaukee Brewers. That roadtrip put them further away from my personal goal of finishing at .500, but we all know for the most part that goal is a little out of reach. I wish upon a falling star that they would manage to not have a losing record but until they can figure out how to win away from Miller Park all it will ever be is a silly wish. Wishes are supposed to be for faeries, but if there is anything that I learned from The Labyrinth is that David Bowie has a pretty impressive package and that faeries bite instead of doing nice things like granting wishes. Oh yeah, and I also learned that Jennifer Connelly is hot and she can navigate my labyrinth if you know what I mean. Good lord what have I become? Tune in next week as I attempt to figure out where I deviated from the path that would have led me to becoming a normal human being. Until then make sure you don't pee your pants in an outlet store changing room.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman