I'm sure that the Philadelphia Phillies fans are so upset right now that they might throw batteries, snowballs and boo Santa Claus. Wait, you mean that they've already done that? What's next? Are they going to sacrifice live animals and burn an effigy? The Phillies have won something like 5 straight NL East Division Titles and last won the World Series in 2008. I'm sure that their fans have some pretty high standards nowadays and demand nothing less than victory. See I really know nothing about that because I have been a lifelong Brewers fan and with a couple of exceptions (1982, 2008, 2011) we have been a pretty horrible franchise. I'm not complaining because I love my Brewers and I will do so for the rest of my life. I'll come down pretty hard on them like I have done this year but that's just me being honest and telling it like it is. You can have your own opinions but these are mine. I don't really know where I was going with this which is surprising right now because I'm stone cold sober. I thought that people were supposed to be able to function and remember things when they aren't drinking. Isn't that why so many Mothers are against it? Mine certainly is. I guess I just function better with a couple of drinks in me. I should go pour one right now. But I'm not going to so you're just going to have to deal with sober me fucking everything up like a bumbling idiot. So here we are - The Phillies and The Brewers. Two teams that had high expectations in 2012 after both their seasons were cut short by the eventual World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals. But it doesn't take a die-hard fan of either of these teams to tell you that so far 2012 hasn't gone exactly as planned. But future me (writing this on September 15) knows that things are going to get better. But more on that later. Let's focus on this series from August 16-19 instead. Here is my immediate reaction following the 4-game series.
Thursday August 16 - Sunday August 19. Milwaukee Brewers vs Philadelphia Phillies at Miller Park. Games 117 - 120 of 162. This was a battle of bad teams with high expectations that experienced a lot of injuries this year. The Phillies and the Brewers are pretty similar this year. Never mind the difference in payroll or the fact that the Brewers haven't won a G D thing in their history. I'm just talking about 2012. Then it was no surprise that they have similar records (Philadelphia has a 56-65 record) and both sit at the bottom of their divisions. Oh, and they also split this series. I believe someone dubbed this 4-gamer as the battle of disappointing teams. I just dub it the series of who freakin' cares. Sure I watched the games on Thursday and Friday, but only because I was at the ballpark. I attempted to watch the game Saturday but instead opted to do something fun. Some Wayne's World 2 ribald humor with the one and only Jenny Reck. And then on Sunday I passed out watching the game. Some fan I am. But to tell you the truth I have more fun with these write-ups than I do watching the games, but I need to watch the games to do the write-ups. It's a tangled web I weave, kind of like Charlotte. I wonder what happened to her. Maybe she was the spider who was swallowed by the Old Lady to catch the fly. Perhaps she'll die. Everyone dies you know. Especially when you eat cats, goats, cows and horses. Brewers 7, Phillies 4. Brewers 6, Phillies 2. Phillies 4, Brewers 3. Phillies 8, Brewers 0.
The Chicago Cubs. Even in a year when they are among the worst teams in baseball I hate them so much and want nothing more than to beat them mercilessly, especially here at Miller Park. Those asshole fans used to call our home "Wrigley North" but Cubs fans haven't been coming up here in droves this year because they suck as much as their team does. Next week (unfortunately) the Brewers have to travel to the piece of shit place they play in that they try to pass off as a Major League Ballpark. If I have any say in where my body goes for the rest of my life I will go just about anywhere except for that joint. When I'm old and slumped over in a wheelchair drooling all over myself I hope my caretakers have adhered to my wishes and don't wheel my old broken down ass into Wrigley Field. I'm sure that dump will still be there in like 60 years because for some reason Cubs fans like watching a baseball game in a place that smells like urine and has weeds growing on the walls. But none of that applies to Miller Park, voted by Milwaukee Brewers fans this year in an ESPN poll as the Best Ballpark in America. I hope I die at Miller Park. Not anytime soon though because I'm an instrument of God and I still have a lot of work to do on this planet before I get called back home. But one player whose work is done is Randy Wolf, who was cut by the team on his birthday. Bye bye pal. Here's a birthday cake. I bet it's filled with rejection and a couple of million dollars. We're still paying him for not being on the team plus we get to buy out his 2013 option at like $1.75 million. I wish I got that kind of birthday present. I don't want to complain because my Mom gives me some pretty sweet stuff, but just one of these years I'd like to get several beige sacks of money with $$$ on them from the Milwaukee Brewers. They gave them to Bill Hall, Jeff Suppan and now Randy Wolf, so I'm sure they can spare a couple for little ol' me. You know where I work and you know where I live. I'll be expecting my sacks of cash any day now. Until then I'll still be venting about my frustration over this 2012 season that got a lot better with a 3-game sweep of the Chicago Cubs.
Monday August 20 - Wednesday August 22. Milwaukee Brewers vs Chicago Cubs at Miller Park. Games 121 - 123 of 162. I know that the Cubs are a bad team and sweeping then is not a monumental achievement. But look at Houston and Colorado - those were bad teams too and they took care of us like an English Butler. No that's a bad analogy. That would imply they were nice to us and tucked us in at night and read us stories. Ok here we go again - they took care of us like an underpaid City Sanitation Worker. Was that better? That would suck especially if you were Oscar the Grouch and they threw away your home while you were still in it. I can't imagine his can is all the great but it has to be better than the City Dump. But maybe Oscar would like the City Dump. Why am I talking about this? Oh yeah, because it's more interesting that this series. Even though I can only name 2 or 3 players on the current Cubs roster they still are professional baseball players and a win is a win. And let's not forget that a win over the Cubs is sweeter than a win over anyone else. Always good to send those Northsiders back home crying. Don't let the toll-gate hit you on the ass on your way down I-94 pal. But the only thing that will be remembered from this series didn't even happen on the field as the Brewers released Randy Wolf and his 3-10 record with a 5.69 ERA. On his 36th birthday no less. Well how about that. Happy Birthday pal. You're fired. Brewers 9, Cubs 5. Brewers 5, Cubs 2. Brewers 3, Cubs 2.
Coming up next is a nice little 7 game roadtrip starting in Pittsburgh and ending in Chicago at Wrigley Field which I so lovingly talked about just a little bit ago. I love Pittsburgh and I can't wait to go back there. But like I said I will never go back to Wrigley unless my life depended on it. I can't imagine a scenario where my life would depend on it but terrorists can be some pretty ruthless fucks. They might hold my family or even my entire adopted county of Mexico hostage and I would have to think about even going to Wrigley to save their lives. That's how much I hate that joint. It embodies everything I hate about Chicago and the Cubs. I get so angry sometimes that I just lose my mind and I start boiling over like a goddamn volcano. But none of that really matters if we take care of business out there which I'm sure is a pretty easy task these days considering the shape of their team. You know what happened but I'm sure you'll come back here soon to read my reaction. You love that shit.
- pookon -
www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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