Drunken Live Tweet - Finding Nemo - "Just Keep Tweeting. Just Keep Tweeting..."

Words can't even explain how creepy and wrong this is. Who #hashtags a kids movie and talks shit about it while drunk? Me I guess. That's what I do on a Friday night. And this is why I'm still single. And this is also why I have problems. I didn't intend to Live Tweet the Disney/Pixar movie Finding Nemo. I made one comment on my Twitter account and it just kind of snowballed from there (as it often does when I'm drinking whiskey). All of the sudden it's 1am and I'm watching the thrilling conclusion of one of Pixar's finest movies. 

It's ultimately the story of a boy and his Dad and the grand adventure that they share. They each go on a separate voyage in the great big sea but it is all confined within the same story (although they didn't know it at the time). I'm sure that when they look back (assuming that Nemo isn't horribly scarred from this tragic event) they will laugh and recount these fond memories. But what are these memories? What happened when Marlin was out #FindingNemo? I'm sure that you know them. You've seen the movie. You've probably even seen it several times. So you you what you think about it. But have you ever wondered what I think about #FindingNemo? Oh you have? Well then my friend you have come to the right place!

The following is a series of tweets that I sent out from my Twitter account (@pookondotcom) on Friday January 30. Despite this seeming like a shameless attempt to gain new followers by promoting the shit out of myself, I beg you not to waste your time on this nonsense. That is unless of course that you like nonsense. I have plenty of it to go around. I learned long ago that I can't stop myself from being myself. Unfortunately social media has given me an outlet to be myself to the whole world. This is quite possibly the worst thing to ever happen to the World. OK, so maybe I'm being a little over dramatic. But I'll let you be the judge of that after you read my tweets about Finding Nemo.

I couldn't handle losing my wife and all of my kids (except one) in the first 5 minutes of the movie. #FindingNemo is fucking sad.

The other fuckers in the ocean give Marlin a hard time, but he's one tough ass fish. He's been through some real shit. #FindingNemo

Hands down the best part of #FindingNemo is when the baby fish falls off the sponge bed and cries. I love when kids fall down.

That little squid kid inks and then swims in it. What a nasty little bitch. Someone should tell the the EPA. #FindingNemo

Some ass jockey just up and steals Nemo. And people wonder why I don't swim in the ocean. Don't want to get stolen. #FindingNemo

Don't know if I'm Marlin or Dory. Probably both. I'm an non-funny clown who can't remember a God damn thing. #FindingNemo

I hate sharks. They straight up eat you. Who wants to be someone's dinner? I bet I don't even taste that good. #FindingNemo

If Jeffrey Dahmer was still alive, I bet he could tell me what I taste like. What? #TooSoon? #FindingNemo

But these sharks go on a dolphin hating rant. I can get behind that. Dolphins think they're so smart. Smug ass bastards. #FindingNemo

Fish are friends, not food? Apparently those sharks have never been to Milwaukee on a Friday night. #FishFry #FindingNemo

This shark needs an intervention because he wants some of #THATMEAT!?!? Why stop when it tastes so good? #FindingNemo

Worst part about what I'm doing right now? Hashtagging a kids movie and saying these awful awful things. #FindingNemo

Bird blames the other bird for farting and then flies away? Hey pal - he who smelt it, dealt it. #FindingNemo

I didn't expect to be live tweeting #FindingNemo. But I also didn't expect to be unmarried at 33. Oh wait - yeah I did.

I have some real problems if this is what I do with my Friday nights. But it could be worse. I could be in prison like Nemo. #FindingNemo

Love that Jacques fella. He makes popping noises and scurries around. Foreigners are the best. #FindingNemo

Hitched a ride on the porcelain express? Been there. Every morning after a #BachelorParty... #FindingNemo

I'll admit I'm still a little afraid of the dark, so there's no way I'm going to the bottom of the ocean for a fucking mask. #FindingNemo

If I'm not deathly hungover tomorrow, I'm making P. Sherman at 32 Wallaby Way in Sydney, Australia my new pen pal. #FindingNemo

All I want in life is to be part of a ragtag group of outcasts forced to spend a confined space together. #FindingNemo

I wish my voice was half as sexy as Brad Garrett's or Patrick Warburton's. #FindingNemo #aLittleGay

Other best part of the movie - John Ratzenburger as the school of fish when one fish walks the plank of the Pirate ship. #FindingNemo

It's the little moments in this movie that kill me - why Ted here has relatives in Sydney. "Sure do!" #FindingNemo

I just told my cat we're live tweeting #FindingNemo. He said, "who is this we? Don't lump me in with you." My cat is a jerk.

I wish that I lived in a sea anemone and was used to stings. That way I wouldn't get hurt so much. Getting hurt sucks. #FindingNemo

Fuck a horde of jellyfish. Forming an unlawful assembly and putting the citizens in danger. They should all be destroyed! #FindingNemo

If all drains lead to the ocean, then I've been peeing in the ocean all night long. #FindingNemo

If you see a small opening, wedge a pebble into it. Maybe it's just me, but that sounds a little naughty. #FindingNemo

Norman Osbourne needs to stop making his cronies do his dirty work. But he's rich. I guess that's what rich people do. #FindingNemo

Marlin wakes up passed out on the back of a righteous sea turtle. Some fish have all the luck. So not fair. #FindingNemo

Wish I woke up passed out on a turtle. But at least I never woke up passed out in the sewer or in a lion's den. #FindingNemo

Jelly Man is a sweet nickname. I'm lucky to be Iceman. And a security guard in Las Vegas once called me The Whistler. #FindingNemo

I headbutt my cat Korben Dallas all the time. There's no sweeter move than knocking heads with another life form. #FindingNemo

I want to scrape together some money and buy a shitload of baby sea turtles. Those creatures are the bomb. #FindingNemo

I wish a bunch of little sea turtles would gather and listen to my stories. I promise they're entertaining! #FindingNemo

Other best part of this movie is the Boston Lobsters talking about it being wicked daaaak. How's it goin' Bob? #FindingNemo

I'm Iike those seagulls every time I see a girl with hot totties - Mine! Mine! Mine! Except she's never mine. #sadness #FindingNemo

Marlin takes on 3 sharks and he's a hero. A girl takes on 3 sharks and she's a slut. That's not fair. #FindingNemo

Does @Disney have a water slide based on the East Australian Current in #FindingNemo? If not they should. They're sitting on a gold mine!

I want credit if @Disney now builds a water slide with inflatable turtles where you ride the East Australian Current. #FindingNemo

Just keep swimming... Just keep swimming... Is that a mantra for Dory or for sperm? #FindingNemo

And speaking of sperm, here's a sperm whale. Why is it called that? Has anyone ever stopped to question that? #FindingNemo

Is anyone else a little weirded out about a girl asking if you have seen her flow? Now that's just gross. #FindingNemo

Can't say that I've ever been inside a whale. Not even in college. #FindingNemo

Marlin says the whale is half empty. Dory says the whale is half full. Whose side are you on? #TeamHalfFull #FindingNemo

If I was up inside a whale I would never quit. Never give up! Never surrender! Get ejaculated from that whale! #FindingNemo

If the light is green, the tank is clean. The fish are incarcerated here in our custom made storage facility. #FindingNemo

But the light is red. The purple fish guy covers his nuts when the machine scans the tank. You can never be too cautious. #FindingNemo

Eaten by a pelican. That's not the way I'm going to go. I'm probably going to suffer from violent cardiac arrest. #FindingNemo

Hop inside my mouth if you want to live? Is that the #FindingNemo way of saying come with me if you want to live? #Terminator2

It's absolute chaos in the dentist's office. That's why I don't go despite having dental insurance. #FindingNemo

I can sympathize with Marlin. I've gone on many a quest only to find a dead fish at the end. #FindingNemo

Have you seen my Dad? And have you seen my baseball? #FindingNemo

I think that Dory just had Drunken Recall. Arnold Schwarzenegger had Total Recall. And Marlin has Nemo Recall. #FindingNemo

Swim down never works. I've been swimming down all my life and it hasn't gotten me anywhere. I'm bound to go belly up. #FindingNemo

I hate that everyone tells Nemo what he can't do. No wonder the kid was underdeveloped. Everyone is holding him back. #FindingNemo

I met a sea turtle once. And he was 150 years old. You know what that means? That Sandy Plankton was full of shit man. #FindingNemo

Like father, like daughter. Adult squid guy inks at the first sight of a shark. Way to keep it together pal. #FindingNemo

At the end of the day it's the story of a boy and his Dad. That's why I love it. It speaks to me. #FindingNemo

Where the fuck do these asshats think they are going in these plastic bags? They were better off in camp tivity... #FindingNemo

I want the end of my life to play out like the end credits of #FindingNemo. "Somewhere beyond the sea, she's there waiting for me..."

Got drunk and live tweeted #FindingNemo. One could say I'm channeling my inner @jimmylaw22 @BingeMedia #Pixar

Did you like that? Did you like what you saw there? You shouldn't. In fact you should be ashamed of yourself if you chuckled at any of these horrendous comments. Don't encourage me because then I might do this kind of shit more often. I encourage myself on a daily basis and I don't need any help pal. But thanks for the assist. Look, I'm sorry that I subjected you to this. But then again, you didn't have to read it unless you wanted to. My head is a twisted place. The only way I can stay "normal-ish" is to let the crazy out from time to time. And sometimes when I let that crazy out, I go after children's movies. It's better than going after children, right? And this blog post just took a real disastrous turn. And that is where I'm going to leave you. Go out and find your Nemo pal!

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Iceman's Day Off - October 20, 2014

Everyone needs a day off. Ferris Bueller had one, so why can't I have one too? It's only fair. Share the wealth pal. Jenny Reck and I went to go visit our Dad in New Richmond, Wisconsin (up near the Twin Cities) for the weekend. We left on a Friday night and came back home on a Sunday night. It was a real brief trip but we did the best with the time off that Jenny was allotted. I get a lot of time off from my job. It's one of the few perks that I get from slaving away in the office for 8+ hours a day. Since I had the liberty of taking Monday off of work, I decided to do it. Why not? I'm always up for an adventure. Who wants to work anyway? Screw work. It's just a bunch of nonsense anyway. I would rather live life than go to work anyway. Ferris once said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." I decided to take a day off (just like Ferris) and live my own kind of adventure.

While Ferris had his best friend Cameron and his girlfriend Sloan to share in his day off, I was left alone to my own devices. When this kind of thing happens, I have no choice but to turn to my Twitter account so that I feel like I am being social with someone. Even if I reach but one person, that is one person who gets to share in my adventure. I started out my day doing normal things that you would do on a day off.

I'm so fucking hyped right now. Don't know why except for that I'm not at work today. #IcemansDayOff

Got an oil change and emissions check on my car. Also renewing my license plates. Way overdue on all three. #IcemansDayOff

Mailed in my winning #Brewers sports bet from Vegas (over 79.5 wins) and picked up a prescription from the pharmacy. #IcemansDayOff

Stopped at my Moms to get some food and a soda even though I have my own at home. Over here, it's free to me. #IcemansDayOff

Slapped the bag of box wine and grabbed a beer from the basement. Hanging outside on the deck with the dog. #IcemansDayOff

After some free eats, one beer and a sip of box wine things got pretty weird. Well normal for me, but probably weird for everyone else. It was nice to be able to run some errands and accomplish some of the things that I've been putting off, but it was my day off. I had to celebrate not being at work by taking advantage of this beautiful fall day.

Driving around town with the top down bumping and bouncing to "Brick House" and "All About That Bass". #IcemansDayOff

Hanging out at the park. They're aren't any kids here in the middle of the day, so it's not creepy and weird. #IcemansDayOff

Swinging for the 3rd time in the last week. #SwingSelfie #IcemansDayOff

Mom, kid + a dog just got to the park. I probably should go. Sitting on this bench staring at them just made it creepy. #IcemansDayOff

Mom's friend drives by. She stopped. Had to explain why I was at the park, alone, on a Monday afternoon. Now it's creepy. #IcemansDayOff

.@MomTraining just followed me on Twitter. Now I'm officially creepy. They're probably going to put my name on a registry. #IcemansDayOff

I was having a great time at the park but things got weird once kids started showing up. What kind of single guy in his mid-30s hangs out at the park, alone, on a Monday afternoon? The creepy ones that want to kidnap and molest children. I'm still trying to set myself on a path where a girl will consider marrying me, so I don't ever want to go down that path. That's besides the fact that it's awful and completely fucked up. It was time for me to go home and remove myself from a society that still isn't ready to deal with me. And that's when things got really weird.

Drinking a Bloody Mary with a whiskey sour, Jenny Reck-style chaser. Fuck 5 o'clock somewhere. It's 230pm here. #IcemansDayOff

Standing topless on my back porch giving the neighborhood a free show. Want to see what sexy really looks like? Stop on by. #IcemansDayOff

It's only a smoker's porch. I don't smoke, so I stand out there looking for crime. I'm the hero this city needs right now. #IcemansDayOff

"Tub Thumping" by Chumbawamba just came on random on my iPod speakers. Commence 3 minute dance party rage in my kitchen!! #IcemansDayOff

Looking through the coupons. Went shopping last week and I'm all stocked up, but I appreciate a good deal. #IcemansDayOff

My iPod on random is the best thing ever. Sisqo's "Thong Song" comes on and I'm dancing and shaking it in my kitchen. #IcemansDayOff

An impromptu dance party often breaks out in my kitchen. I wish it would happen more often in real life... #IcemansDayOff

I have a lot of knives. If they weren't stored in my kitchen drawer, a stranger might think I was a stabbing murderer. #IcemansDayOff

Just took out the recyclables and now I'm doing the dishes. There's time for fun and there's a time for my chores. #IcemansDayOff

I go through what most would say is an abnormal amount of ice. Unusual to you, an average amount to the Iceman. #IcemansDayOff

I fancy myself as being a somewhat competent musician. I have several God-given (or parent-given) talents that I don't really take advantage of as often as I should. I used to play in several concert and jazz bands in high school and college but I have since abandoned that in favor of the more traditional band. Throughout the years I've been part of June's Blanket, The Back Alley Burners, The Uncle Greg Band, The 13th Dimension, Whiskey & Whatever and numerous other groups that struggled to get a little bit of love from the listening audience. Obviously none of them ever made it big or else I would be too big to hang out with normal people like you. I suppose it is my fault. I have all of the talent in the World when it comes to certain things but I don't have the drive or determination that it takes to refine that talent and take it to the next level. 

Take guitar for example. I'm never going to be an Eddie Van Halen or Tim Reck, but I could be a Pat McCurdy or Jack Black. All I would need to do is practice and focus all of my energy on being a musician. That's not my priority. I would rather be a writer, but even with that I don't take it seriously (that's a whole different story for another day). But every now and then I like to pick up the guitar when I hear a song and think, I bet I can play that. Then I look up the chords and realize that I can. Sure, I don't exactly sound like Sheryl Crow (because she's a girl) but I think I do an alright job. Take a listen to a couple songs I recorded on my day off.

Playing Alanis Morissette and Sheryl Crow on the guitar for my cat Korben Dallas. If you want a free show, stop on by. #IcemansDayOff

The Iceman - Ironic (Alanis Morissette)

The Iceman - Strong Enough (Sheryl Crow)

I'm better at guitar than I give myself credit for. I need to stop being so hard on myself. I am a rock star. #IcemansDayOff

For my birthday my Mom got me one of those harmonica holders so you could play it while also playing guitar, so I decided to try it out on Strong Enough. I think it turned out alright for a first timer. I (obviously) still have a long way to go before I'm up on stage or on the radio, which will probably never happen, but I have to at least live my life like that is a possibility. Whether or not the World will ever validate it, I need to not think that I am a rockstar, I need to be a rockstar. I have to love what I do and believe in myself. There's no point in trying to compare yourself against others because no one is the same as me and no one will ever be. I'm 100% me and unique in more ways than even I can imagine (at least until scientists let me clone myself).

Ended the day watching Back to the Future and falling asleep on the couch. A very successful day. #IcemansDayOff

It was a Monday, so Iceman's Day off concluded with what some would say a whimper instead of bang, but I beg to differ. It ended in the most perfect way possible. Back to the Future is in my Top 5 Favorite Movies of All-Time and the series is my favorite movie trilogy. If there is a better way to end a day off (within reason, because Natalie Portman waiting for me in my bedroom is still a fantasy) I definitely couldn't think of it. I have a lot of trips/time off planned for 2015, so I might have to save up my vacation time. But here's hoping that very soon I will be able to once again take off of work on a random day and do whatever I want. That my friends, truly is living the dream.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

The Write Month: June 28 - A Day in the Life

I've had a lot of days in my life. 11,741 to be exact. There have been some good ones and some bad ones. I can't possibly remember all of them but I think a lot of them were pretty average. That's all I'm shooting for in my life is to kind of even out and find a balance. You can never be too high or too low because it's impossible to live that way. Well, at least for me it is. I don't have enough energy to maintain a constant high nor do I have enough tears to to keep a constant low. So I like to meet back in the middle somewhere when all is said and done. When I look back at my life I hope that I did enough to make it all worth it but I really just have one test for that - was it better than Oscar the Grouch's? I mean, he does live in a fucking trash can and everyone on Sesame Street just treats him like shit every day. They call him names and never really attempt to help him out at all with some clothes or a hot bowl of soup. Sure, he's a little mean but we are supposed to help out those that are less fortunate than ourselves. Maybe it's not his fault that he ended up in a garbage can. Maybe he can't get a job because has a learning disability or he is a War Vet who is psychologically damaged beyond repair. Do they ever consider that before calling him a Grouch? Instead of calling him names help him out. And not just with a song about a letter. Teach him how to read instead. You're all about helping but you help out human kids. How about helping out your own kind? Ever think about that? What about your fellow Muppets? Oscar has it pretty rough so I'm going to use him as my barometer for comparison. I like to set the bar low.

The whole point of picking out a day in the life was to figure out what an average day in my life was like. I take pictures during special events and blog about certain topics but often miss out on the average day to day. That is why I have the Twitter. I'm constantly posting on there for mainly 2 reasons - to remind myself of moments in my life and to entertain. I think I accomplish both things on there. So when it came time to pick a random day in my life since I joined Twitter on September 9, 2009 I did a fast scroll down through my tweets for 37 (37!?! In a row?) seconds and then ended up on December 1st, 2012. That was not an average day in my life. I was in South Carolina visiting my brother and we ended up going to this random party and I was having a field day on Twitter describing my experience. That day was a real exception to the norm so I decided to scroll down for another 15 seconds. That brought me to September 13, 2012. While that also was not an average day in my life I decided to go with it because of how fun and random it was.

My uncle Gary called me earlier in the week and offered to take me to Green Bay this day to see the Packers take on the Chicago Bears. I've only been to like 4 Packers games in my life before this so it was a real treat. And then when I found out that (to me at least) it was all free and that I would get free eats, free booze and free transportation I was all in. If it's free, it's for me. This ended up being an incredible day and I took to my Twitter account (@pookondotcom) to tell the world exactly what I was thinking at the time. I like to document these kind of things or else it is just one giant blur. And sometimes, like today, I go back and revisit that day. And almost 10 months later these thoughts, things that I said or situations that I got wrapped up in are still making me laugh. I don't know if you find me to be entertaining but I'm having a ball with it. One thing I have always loved about me is my ability to keep myself amused. It's helped me cope well with my constant state of being alone. But enough of that. Here is what happened to me on September 12, 2012 as the Green Bay Packers faced off against the Chicago Bears at Lambeau Field:

Hanging with Uncle Gary makes me realize that we live in two totally different worlds. #poor 3:57 PM - Sep 13, 2012

I don't think I could ever entertain clients or schmooze with potential business partners. I'm too weird and shy. #different 4:25 PM - Sep 13, 2012

I think on the inside I'm like a 9 year old child because I don't like talking to strangers. #NeverGrewUp 4:29 PM - Sep 13, 2012
 

I was just "that guy" in the background of someone's photo. Yep, I'm that weird guy. #photobomb 4:42 PM - Sep 13, 2012

Had a myriad of drinks on the bus. Plenty of beer, mixed drinks and shots. It's gonna be a long night. 4:59 PM - Sep 13, 2012

Was just given a beer by a Chicago Bears fan. Huh. So it is true - we can coexist. It's good to be the Iceman. #perks #rage 5:25 PM - Sep 13, 2012

I grabbed 2 beers because I have 2 hands. #logic. Hell, its all free anyway. At least to me. I don't pay for shit! #poor 5:36 PM - Sep 13, 2012
 

They are pouring Miller products into Anhauser-Busch cups. What the hell? Shouldn't there be some rule against that? #DontCrossTheStreams 5:54 PM -Sep 13, 2012

I wish I was about 10 years younger right now because I would have pounded about 10 more beers. #GettingOld 6:14 PM - Sep 13, 2012

Stopped by some bus and got some Captain and Coke from one of Uncle Gary's randoms. #LivingTheDream 6:53 PM - Sep 13, 2012

My first #Packers / #Bears game. This crowd is electric. Mayhem style. God damn I love Lambeau Field. #rage 8:00 PM - Sep 13, 2012

Uncle Gary: what was the song they played during halftime at the Packers superbowl? Me: I don't remember the superbowl. #truth #PassedOut 8:38 PM - Sep 13, 2012

I'm sitting near the #Packers' tunnel, and I do have to say that Clay Matthews looks beautiful in person. #aLittleGay 9:02 PM - Sep 13, 2012

I think I'm going to buy a BJ Raji jersey because he's big and so am I. Us big guys gotta stick together. #MakesSense #Packers 9:07 PM - Sep 13, 2012

Now that I moved out of my Mom's house and I'm paying rent, $8 per beer seems pretty steep. #poor 9:42 PM - Sep 13, 2012

Double fisting it right now just like my hero, the Two-Fisted Slobber. Reminds me of my childhood. #CountyStadium 9:50 PM - Sep 13, 2012

With the #Packers up by 20, not a single fan has left the stadium, even though it is a Thursday night. Hell of a town. #GreenBay 10:13 PM - Sep 13, 2012
 

I stood up to join the crowd in a rousing rendition of "The Bears Still Suck." Suck it Illinois. #SconniePride 10:17 PM - Sep 13, 2012
 

The last 3 #Packers games I've been to have been wins. I'd like to say I'm a lucky charm, but they really are just that good. 10:52 PM - Sep 13, 2012
 

It takes forever to get out of the stadium area. Still, it's amazing that such a small town can have an NFL team. #GreenBayPackers 11:36 PM - Sep 13, 2012
 

Now I'm triple-fisting drinks. It's like that 3-tittied bitch in #TotalRecall only not. I wish I had 3 hands. #Benny 11:56 PM - Sep 13, 2012
 

So I've come to the conclusion that all bus drivers are assholes. It's in the job requirement. You have to have road rage. #ImNotDriving 12:16 AM - Sep 14, 2012
 

I've got a couple of Holiday Drunks behind me on the bus. I remember my first beer. #amateurs 12:22 AM - Sep 14, 2012
 

Random girl: don't spill your drink on me. Me: oh, I wouldn't do that. I'm respectful drunk. #classy 12:40 AM - Sep 14, 2012
 

This drunk chick is passed out on me. Sadly this is the most action I've gotten in a very long time. #pathetic 12:49 AM - Sep 14, 2012
 

These chicks are telling me that I'm awesome and I would be a good boyfriend for their friend. They must be drunk. #classic 1:06 AM - Sep 14, 2012
 

Girl: you'd be perfect for my friend Angie. Me: Angie? She sounds hot. #LowStandards #IllTakeAnything 1:18 AM - Sep 14, 2012
 

Girl: I don't have any pockets. Me: then where do you keep your stuff? Girl: in my purse! Fuck pockets!! #classic 1:35 AM - Sep 14, 2012
 

I'm driving home #topless not because I have to, but because I want to. Why would I have to do that? 1:51 AM - Sep 14, 2012
 

I'm so awesome. Can't believe I'm still single. Oh wait, yes I can. Because everything I put on Twitter is the truth. #TooHotToHandle 2:27 AM - Sep 14, 2012

The Green Bay Packers won the game by a score of 23-10. I drank a lot of beer and liquor and raged pretty hard for a Thursday. It was a really fun night and I had a good time with my Uncle Gary but looking back over these tweets I can't help but think that I had a better time on my own doing random goofy shit. That's cause I can't really be myself around too many people because no one really understands me. I don't really let that stop me and for the most part the weird looks don't bother me. But eventually my goal in life is to find someone to share in my random nonsense. Someone that gets me. Someone who will be a part of these adventures. Someone who will be there for every day in my life. For the ones that make it on my Twitter account and the ones that I don't share with the world. There have been many days in my life and I'm hoping that there will be many more. This was just one of those days where a lot of fun things happened. They aren't all like this. Over the past two years there haven't been a whole lot of happy days. But when I do toss aside the sadness for a bit I make up for it by going all out with the fun and excitement. Those are the best days. But in the end they are just another day in what should turn out to be one hell of a life.

 - pookon -
 

www.pookon.com

www.twitter.com/pookondotcom

www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Drunken Live Tweet - The Goonies - "Goonies Never Say Tweet"

There are certain movies that will always be iconic classics to you and you will never feel any differently about them, no matter what anyone says. For me The Goonies is right up there on top of the list. I know that a lot of people feel the same way because my generation holds this movie in such high regard. And rightfully so they should. It really is a perfect movie. It has action, drama, comedy, adventure and some pirates thrown in the mix as an added bonus. Most movies that you adored as a child end up not being so cool when you watch them as an adult, but The Goonies is not one of those. I know that I have watched it a couple hundred times and I am not exaggerating. There are so many lines and scenes that I could act out on my own if need be, so just quiz me the next time you see me. But make sure that you are ready to take on one of the roles and be a member of my gang of Goonies. I'm Chunk so you can't be him. Anyone else is fair game I guess instead of Mikey. Jenny is Mikey. Yes I know that she is a girl and that he is a dude, but we are talking works of fiction here. Didn't guys used to play girls in old Shakespearean plays back in the 1600's? Then why is it weird that in the 2000's that a chick plays a dude? Why don't you stop asking questions and instead watch the actor disappear inside the character. So come join along with me as I got drunk one night, put on The Goonies again and Live Tweeted my thoughts as they came pouring out of my head. This was my favorite Live Tweet session so I hope that you get as much enjoyment out of it as I did. If you've seen The Goonies then you should be able to follow along with what I wrote and picture the movie in your head. Or you could always put the movie on and read along with my Tweets. Either way you're in for some pretty good drunken randomness. Enjoy.

I'll admit it - I'm one of #TheGoonies. I've been one my entire life and I'm proud to admit it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

If I was one of them, I would have to be Chunk. I have a penchant for Hawaiian shirts, pizza and Baby Ruth. #TheGoonies

If I had to truffle shuffle to get into my friend's house I would never go there. That fucker isn't my friend. #TheGoonies

Mikey has a more complex gadget system on his front lawn than Pee Wee Herman's house or Doc Brown's lab. #TheGoonies

I don't blame Mouth for incorrectly translating to Rosalita. Fucking with foreign people is a hell of a good time. #TheGoonies

It's no fair that Mikey has all that cool historical shit in his attic. I never even had an attic. Or rich stuff. #TheGoonies

Chunk said all they had in his attic was old Hanukkah decorations. Funny, I didn't know his last name was Levistein. #TheGoonies

Astoria, Oregon is the coolest town ever. #TheGoonies lived there and John Kimble was the Kindergarten Cop. I'm moving there.

They call their neighborhood the Boondocks, also known as "The Boonies." Um, next to he ocean is not the middle of nowhere. #TheGoonies

I totally am Chunk. My "go to" submission move as a child was to sit on people. That's all that I had. #TheGoonies

Brand did 376 lawnmower jobs just to get that shitty bike? He needs to renegotiate his wage. That's basically slave labor. #TheGoonies

Brand needs to take the training wheels off that bike. And take off his training bra too. He whines like a little girl. #TheGoonies

Chunk says when his stomach growls there is trouble. He has his own personal Spidey Sense! Chunk is my hero. #TheGoonies

I always wanted to go on an adventure with my friends. But surviving in my neighborhood was an adventure. I'm from the streets. #TheGoonies

Mama is one scary ass bitch. In this movie and as Danny DeVito's mom. I too would have thrown her from the train. #TheGoonies

Chunk wants to give up on the pursuit of One Eyed Willie's rich stuff because it's dinner time. Yep. It's official. I am Chunk. #TheGoonies

Of course the Asian figures out how to make counterfeit $50 dollar bills. Asians can figure out everything. #aLittleRacist #TheGoonies

Murderers are after him, a monster is chained up in a room, there's a dead body + all Chunk cares about is ice cream. My hero. #TheGoonies

They should have called the Mario Brothers to help with those pipes. They are plumbers you know. Amateurs. #TheGoonies

Chunk pushed his sister down the stairs + blamed it on the dog. Once I farted on the set of Blue Lagoon + blamed it on the dog. #TheGoonies

Chester is the greatest name ever. But Chester Kurutz is 2x the man Chester Copperpot ever was. #TheGoonies

I once saw #TheGoonies at a midnight screening in Minneapolis. I so wanted to drop fake vomit from the balcony. Just like Chunk.

Chunk wanted to play the violin. I wanted to play the piano, trumpet, saxophone, trombone, french horn and guitar. I did. #TheGoonies

If I had a chance to take back my wishes and dreams I would. Because none of them came true. Dreams are bullshit. #TheGoonies

Goonies never say die. Which is why I was so afraid to say it 7 months ago. But I'll never say it. He still lives in me. #TheGoonies

Sloth believes in the 5 second rule. He broke out of his fucking handcuffs to get that Baby Ruth off of the floor. #TheGoonies

Data is one crafty motherfucker. Pinchers of peril. Setting booty traps. Slick shoes. Bully blinders. #TheGoonies

I've got you now One Eyed Willie. Is that really something you want to say out loud kid? #aLittleGay #TheGoonies

If I was Mikey I would have slipped Andy the tongue. But I'm Chunk so I ate up all the snacks. #SexyTime #TheGoonies

I missed this. Bats come out and scare the shit out of them, but none of them have a lament or are counting? I call bullshit. #TheGoonies

Andy kind of looks like Hermione Granger. So my "magic wand" is going all wingardium leviosa right now. #TheGoonies

How ironic would it be if Mikey grew up + got caught in a "Booty Trap" for soliciting an undercover cop posing as a prostitute. #TheGoonies

Andy plays piano. Listen to the radio. Don't you remember if you get the wrong note, we'll all be flat. #MusicHumor #TheGoonies

I've been to Noah's Ark in the Dells a few times and I don't remember a water slide that ended with a pirate ship. #TheGoonies

So One-Eyed Willie only has one eye? That's like rain on your wedding day. Or a free ride when you've already paid? #ironic #TheGoonies

The one that they call Mouth is also the one who is able to fit it all in there. #aLittleGay #TheGoonies

If I am Chunk then I am still waiting for my Sloth to swing in and yell "Hey you Guys!" and save the day. It'll happen. #TheGoonies

Momma dropped the shit out of Sloth. That's why he ended up looking like that. Let that be a cautionary tale to future mothers. #TheGoonies

The kids meet up with their families and we get the old reunion bullshit. Where's the discipline? Where's the grounding? #TheGoonies

If I found some jewels in my bag then I would assume that I switched teams. One Eyed Willie got me. In my face. #TheGoonies

Ok. So they disobeyed their parents but in the end they saved the day. Do we punish or praise? #TheGoonies

That's why I kind of never want kids. You don't know what to do. Should I be proud or be upset? It's a challenge. #TheGoonies

I guess I want kids. I want them to go through the same shit i did. Have adventures. Fuck shit up. #TheGoonies

My life has been an adventure. Time to turn the page. To a new chapter. I need to live vicariously through my kids. #TheGoonies

The movie is just under 2 hours but the adventure lasts a lifetime. Goonies fo' life. That's what the kids be sayin'. #TheGoonies

If my kids are half as cool as me then I did a good job. Because they would have grown up with the classics. #TheGoonies

I could probably watch The Goonies again today and say some completely different things about the movie. That's the beauty of it. But on that night when I loaded up on the rum these are the words that flowed out of my brain and to the Twitter for the entire world to see. I'm not one of those people who keep their thoughts bottled up inside of their heads. Oh no, I will tell you all about them whether you like it or not. I love drunken Live Tweeting movies. It's a boatload of fun for me and I hope to do it again soon. I have a short list of 80's, 90's and 00's classics that I am prepared to send up in grand fashion on a rum-fueled night, so make sure you pay close attention to my Twitter account and this here blog for those episodes if you find this sort of thing amusing. And if you don't then you can't be in my rag-tag group of Goonies. It's your choice really. I suggest you think long and hard about which side you want to be on when the Revolution begins. If you aren't so sure about which side to choose remember this - Goonies never say die.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

Drunken Live Tweet - Face/Off - "I'm Castor Tweet! Wooooooo!"

There are some movies that I absolutely love that I get a lot of shit liking. Look I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion but the movies that I love are fucking sweet. We're not talking about boring old classics like Gone with the Wind or romantic comedy fodder like 27 Dresses here. I'm talking about ass kicking movies like Total Recall, The Replacements and this movie - Face/Off. The involvement of Nicolas Cage and John Travolta might turn some people away but in 1997 they were on top of the world. Travolta had found a career resurgance due to Pulp Fiction and Broken Arrow and Cage was in his prime coming off of The Rock and Con Air. At the time there were no two bigger movie stars and director John Woo had made the transition into American Cinema. Look I'm not going to sit here and tell you about how good the movie is or give you a plot synopsis. You can go anywhere on the internet and read reviews of the film. But there is only one place on the internet that you can go to read about what some drunken asshole thinks about Face/Off. And that's here at Pookon's Ill Blog. Congratulations friend. You've come to the right place.

In case you aren't familiar with this series (Drunken Live Tweet) let me bring you up to speed a little bit. I like to get hammered and watch movies that I've seen a hundred times and offer my commentary is bursts of 140 characters or less. It's a great way to spend a night when you're a drunk that doesn't have any friends and likes to pretend that he's hilarious. So I settle in with a bottle of rum, put on the flick and let the booze do the talking. If you've seen Face/Off even a few times you should be able to follow along with my insightful and random observations on this movie. If you haven't seen it or if it has been a while I suggest you pop in the movie right now and follow along with me as we take this journey into the depths of my mind. See what makes me tick. See what I find exciting and weird. And see just how many times I can swear and talk about sex. I promise you that it will be a whole lot. If that sort of thing is your bag then read on. If that sort of thing doesn't amuse you than we don't share the same sense of humor. Why are you even here if you don't understand me? Well, no one really understands me. Maybe someone else has been wearing my face for the last 10 years and making me seem to act weird. Maybe that's why I diverted from the sweet little catholic boy with the nice voice who liked frogs. It wasn't me the whole time man. Someone took my face...off!

I know I'm going to get drunk + revisit this flick for a #LiveTweet session. How could I not? I'm Castor Troy!! Woooooo!! #FaceOff

Nic Cage is rocking a stellar mustache in the beginning of this flick. That's how the viewer knows this is a flashback. #FaceOff

Travolta's kid gets shot in the fucking face while on the Merry-Go-Round. And people wonder why I don't ride those things. #FaceOff

Nic Cage grabs choir girl ass in '97 + gets away with it. If I tried that I'd go to jail. Everyone is so sensitive these days. #FaceOff

Pollux Troy can't tie his shoes. Cause he's an idiot. I mean that fucker did steal Raptor eggs out of the nest. #FaceOff

"Peach... I could eat a peach for hours." If I was Castor Troy it'd be more like "pizza. I could eat a pizza in 5 minutes." #fat #FaceOff

Francisco Scaramanga isn't the only man with the Golden Gun. Castor Troy did him one better by using 2. Your move Francisco. #FaceOff

Nic Cage asked Travolta if his daughter Jamie was ripe. He won't let it go. He really likes peaches. Wants to shake her tree. #FaceOff

You know John Woo is a great director when he can make the "Look Who's Talking" guy + "City of Angels" guy look like action stars. #FaceOff

If I could do a #FaceOff and switch faces with someone else, I'd do it with Usher. Although something tells me people wouldn't believe it.

Travolta has the top scientists and plastic surgeons and he chooses to switch with Nic Cage? Why not George Clooney? #FaceOff

George Clooney as you know, was People Magazine's Sexiest Man in 1997. And of all time depending on who you ask. #aLittleGay #FaceOff

Doctors transplanted Nic Cage's face onto Travolta. It's a good thing they were also able to transplant his need to always shout. #FaceOff

When the Mario Brothers wore those boots they were able to jump really high. Why can't the Erewhon prisoners do the same? #FaceOff

You watch your fucking mouth! Cause I'm CASTOR TROY!! WOOO! So good it'll make you cry. I love a good Nic Cage freak out. #FaceOff

If I didn't have a face the first thing I would do is scare the shit out of some kids. Then whine about it, then get a new one. #FaceOff

I'm not into mature women, but I've wanted to do Joan Allen since she got all naughty and colored in Pleasantville. #FaceOff

And speaking of doing, I'd do Travolta's daughter Jamie. It's ok though, cause in '97 she was 17 and I was 16. #FaceOff

I'd like to defuse a bomb someday. But that's impossible because I am the bomb. Kind of hard to defuse myself. #FaceOff

Tonight Travolta is going to do to Joan Allen what William H. Macy and Jeff Daniels could never do. #FaceOff

Exercise for these prisoners is walking around single file? In High School our gym teacher Sgt. Karps gave us basketballs. #FaceOff

Drew Carey's brother is a real bastard. He must have swallowed all that aggresion from Mimi + directed it at the prisoners. #FaceOff

Drew Carey's brother said cigarettes will kill you. Nope. Electric chairs kill you. Mr. Larson from Happy Gilmore will kill you. #FaceOff

I see an oil rig but I don't see Harry Stamper and crew. And I also see a remote prison and no John Mason. Movies are bullshit. #FaceOff

Movies make it seem so easy to escape from prison. But how do you escape prison rape? Because that info could come in handy. #FaceOff

When I broke out of prison I didn't get greeted with guns, hookers and drugs. Some people have all the luck. #FaceOff

I'd like to take his face off? Well I'd like to someday walk on the moon but we all know it isn't happening. Lower your standards. #FaceOff

If Hyde tried to rape my daughter I'd probably kick his ass. Then make him sit and listen to Eric Forman bitch and moan. #FaceOff

I wish I woke up from a bender to a girl taking off my pants and kissing me. I just wake up to a hungry cat meowing. #FaceOff

I see Gina Gershon and I think Showgirls. And titties. And Jessie Spano. And her caffeine pill "I'm So Excited" freakout. #FaceOff

I hope if I get ever get caught up in a slow motion shoot-out wearing headphones The Miracles "Love Machine" is playing. #FaceOff

Sometimes I wish I was in a John Woo movie because I could use some of that slow motion. Life moves way too god damn fast. #FaceOff

Jonah Hill and I could have our own kind of #FaceOff. Because we look alike. Or so they say. Until that fucker went all skinny and shit.

Pollux Troy deserved to die. No one steals Raptor eggs out of the nest and gets away with it. Nobody!!! #FaceOff

Nic Cage (as Travolta) just killed Big Ed of Big Ed's Tires. If you didn't like your job just quit. Don't go to the extreme. #FaceOff

Nic Cage and Samuel L. Jackson must have a clause built into their contracts where they have a minimum of 3 screams per movie. #FaceOff

I know this movie is called #FaceOff but I just took my clothes off. Hey man, it was getting a little too hot in here.

Due to popular demand I will now be putting my clothes back on. I'll tell you it's because I'm cold, but we all know the truth. #FaceOff

Not that anyone asked for it, but I will be #LiveTweeting the thrilling conclusion of #FaceOff tonight. I passed out before finishing.

Time to finish up #LiveTweeting #FaceOff. The epic finale is here. And now it's time for me to take my pants.......off!!

I once had a dream (some would call it a nightmare) where I found out I had a kid. Woke up feeling sad it wasn't true. WTF? #FaceOff

I think I would be a good dad. Even if I switched faces, ended up in prison and then showed up in his life amidst gun fire. #FaceOff

See, I would protect my kid from oncoming traffic and unlicensed day care, but I wouldn't know how to protect him from gunfire. #FaceOff

I went back in the movie a little bit, but I guess I had some daddy issues and regrets to work out. With guns of course. #FaceOff

It's me, Sean. Don't look at my face. Look at my penis. And listen to me recap the movie for those who weren't paying attention. #FaceOff

In bed Eve gives Sean a little prick to take a sample of his blood. Funny, I thought he was supposed to give her a little prick. #FaceOff

Good luck apologizing. This isn't like forgetting your anniversary or not taking out the trash. You let a killer into her house. #FaceOff

For a guy who was old and in charge of shit, Big Ed doesn't have a lot of people at his funeral. Must have been a real asshole. #FaceOff

I want two guns like I want two chicks at the same time. With two chicks if I fall asleep, they have each other to talk to. #FaceOff

Where does Castor Troy Travolta get off calling Michael a mistake? He wasn't planned. That doesn't mean they don't love him. #FaceOff

It's a Mexican Standoff when 2 or more opponents draw their guns creating a tense situation. Why Mexican? No tacos. No sombreros. #FaceOff

If I found a Genie I would use my 1st wish to be in a gunfight. And my 2nd wish to survive it. My 3rd wish? To get laid of course. #FaceOff

I'm call that move a UF for unnecessary flip. But you do those in action movies. Like James' UD (unnecessary dives) in softball. #FaceOff

I would stick a knife in Jamie's leg. And by knife I mean penis. And by leg I mean vagina. #FaceOff

Why have a car chase when you can have a boat chase? I haven't seen something this Over the Top since Stallone in '87. #FaceOff

So scientists can take Nic Cage and John Travolta's faces off, but they couldn't put them onto their stunt doubles? #FaceOff

A fist fight on the beach is a good way to work out your differences. Not by playing gay shirtless volleyball. #TopGun #FaceOff

A harpoon is a very deadly weapon. Trust me, as someone who gets confused for a whale at the beach, those things can kill. #FaceOff

If someone wanted my face I'd give it to them. It hasn't really worked out for me. Be my guest. Good luck picking up the ladies. #FaceOff

You know that scar near my heart? That bullet wound? I won't need it anymore. But Doc, how about getting a bigger penis? #FaceOff

Hey honey! I'm home! And I look like Travolta again. Oh this kid? Raise him as our own. I promised his dead parents we would. #FaceOff

Life isn't fair. I get to look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow man and Nic Cage + Travolta are bitching cause they switched faces. #FaceOff

The credits end and I'm still me. And my face isn't off. What was accomplished by watching this? Movies are bullshit. #FaceOff

The idea for watching this movie came around Thanksgiving Weekend of 2011. As subscribers of AT&T Cable we were treated to a preview of all the premium channels and instead of watching some brand new movie, I watched bits and pieces of Face/Off all weekend long at random times on Showtime or HBO or some shit. I sat alone in the living room watching and I could do was to repeatedly shout, "I'M CASTOR TROY!!! WOOOOO!!" over and over again until I pissed off my roommate, the dog and my cat. I'm sure Bombay has seen parts of it over the years but Gracie and AK had no idea who Castor Troy was, but I was on a mission to let them know - HE IS ME!! I'M CASTOR TROY!!! WOOOOOO!!! If you still don't get I encourage you to watch Face/Off right now. If you made it through this entire Live Tweet session and feel like you understand the movie (and I don't know how that can be because I can't even figure out what the hell is going on here and I said it!) then you should still go out and watch it. In fact call me up right now and I'll bring it over. We can grab a couple of peaches to eat for hours, switch faces and enjoy the shit out of this movie. You won'r regret it. I'll be sitting next to my phone anxiously awaiting your call. And if you don't call me I'm likely to have a signature Nicolas Cage freak out moment so you better just go ahead and call me... MAYBE!!

 - pookon -

 

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman