There are certain movies that will always be iconic classics to you and you will never feel any differently about them, no matter what anyone says. For me The Goonies is right up there on top of the list. I know that a lot of people feel the same way because my generation holds this movie in such high regard. And rightfully so they should. It really is a perfect movie. It has action, drama, comedy, adventure and some pirates thrown in the mix as an added bonus. Most movies that you adored as a child end up not being so cool when you watch them as an adult, but The Goonies is not one of those. I know that I have watched it a couple hundred times and I am not exaggerating. There are so many lines and scenes that I could act out on my own if need be, so just quiz me the next time you see me. But make sure that you are ready to take on one of the roles and be a member of my gang of Goonies. I'm Chunk so you can't be him. Anyone else is fair game I guess instead of Mikey. Jenny is Mikey. Yes I know that she is a girl and that he is a dude, but we are talking works of fiction here. Didn't guys used to play girls in old Shakespearean plays back in the 1600's? Then why is it weird that in the 2000's that a chick plays a dude? Why don't you stop asking questions and instead watch the actor disappear inside the character. So come join along with me as I got drunk one night, put on The Goonies again and Live Tweeted my thoughts as they came pouring out of my head. This was my favorite Live Tweet session so I hope that you get as much enjoyment out of it as I did. If you've seen The Goonies then you should be able to follow along with what I wrote and picture the movie in your head. Or you could always put the movie on and read along with my Tweets. Either way you're in for some pretty good drunken randomness. Enjoy.
I'll admit it - I'm one of #TheGoonies. I've been one my entire life and I'm proud to admit it. I wouldn't have it any other way.
If I was one of them, I would have to be Chunk. I have a penchant for Hawaiian shirts, pizza and Baby Ruth. #TheGoonies
If I had to truffle shuffle to get into my friend's house I would never go there. That fucker isn't my friend. #TheGoonies
Mikey has a more complex gadget system on his front lawn than Pee Wee Herman's house or Doc Brown's lab. #TheGoonies
I don't blame Mouth for incorrectly translating to Rosalita. Fucking with foreign people is a hell of a good time. #TheGoonies
It's no fair that Mikey has all that cool historical shit in his attic. I never even had an attic. Or rich stuff. #TheGoonies
Chunk said all they had in his attic was old Hanukkah decorations. Funny, I didn't know his last name was Levistein. #TheGoonies
Astoria, Oregon is the coolest town ever. #TheGoonies lived there and John Kimble was the Kindergarten Cop. I'm moving there.
They call their neighborhood the Boondocks, also known as "The Boonies." Um, next to he ocean is not the middle of nowhere. #TheGoonies
I totally am Chunk. My "go to" submission move as a child was to sit on people. That's all that I had. #TheGoonies
Brand did 376 lawnmower jobs just to get that shitty bike? He needs to renegotiate his wage. That's basically slave labor. #TheGoonies
Brand needs to take the training wheels off that bike. And take off his training bra too. He whines like a little girl. #TheGoonies
Chunk says when his stomach growls there is trouble. He has his own personal Spidey Sense! Chunk is my hero. #TheGoonies
I always wanted to go on an adventure with my friends. But surviving in my neighborhood was an adventure. I'm from the streets. #TheGoonies
Mama is one scary ass bitch. In this movie and as Danny DeVito's mom. I too would have thrown her from the train. #TheGoonies
Chunk wants to give up on the pursuit of One Eyed Willie's rich stuff because it's dinner time. Yep. It's official. I am Chunk. #TheGoonies
Of course the Asian figures out how to make counterfeit $50 dollar bills. Asians can figure out everything. #aLittleRacist #TheGoonies
Murderers are after him, a monster is chained up in a room, there's a dead body + all Chunk cares about is ice cream. My hero. #TheGoonies
They should have called the Mario Brothers to help with those pipes. They are plumbers you know. Amateurs. #TheGoonies
Chunk pushed his sister down the stairs + blamed it on the dog. Once I farted on the set of Blue Lagoon + blamed it on the dog. #TheGoonies
Chester is the greatest name ever. But Chester Kurutz is 2x the man Chester Copperpot ever was. #TheGoonies
I once saw #TheGoonies at a midnight screening in Minneapolis. I so wanted to drop fake vomit from the balcony. Just like Chunk.
Chunk wanted to play the violin. I wanted to play the piano, trumpet, saxophone, trombone, french horn and guitar. I did. #TheGoonies
If I had a chance to take back my wishes and dreams I would. Because none of them came true. Dreams are bullshit. #TheGoonies
Goonies never say die. Which is why I was so afraid to say it 7 months ago. But I'll never say it. He still lives in me. #TheGoonies
Sloth believes in the 5 second rule. He broke out of his fucking handcuffs to get that Baby Ruth off of the floor. #TheGoonies
Data is one crafty motherfucker. Pinchers of peril. Setting booty traps. Slick shoes. Bully blinders. #TheGoonies
I've got you now One Eyed Willie. Is that really something you want to say out loud kid? #aLittleGay #TheGoonies
If I was Mikey I would have slipped Andy the tongue. But I'm Chunk so I ate up all the snacks. #SexyTime #TheGoonies
I missed this. Bats come out and scare the shit out of them, but none of them have a lament or are counting? I call bullshit. #TheGoonies
Andy kind of looks like Hermione Granger. So my "magic wand" is going all wingardium leviosa right now. #TheGoonies
How ironic would it be if Mikey grew up + got caught in a "Booty Trap" for soliciting an undercover cop posing as a prostitute. #TheGoonies
Andy plays piano. Listen to the radio. Don't you remember if you get the wrong note, we'll all be flat. #MusicHumor #TheGoonies
I've been to Noah's Ark in the Dells a few times and I don't remember a water slide that ended with a pirate ship. #TheGoonies
So One-Eyed Willie only has one eye? That's like rain on your wedding day. Or a free ride when you've already paid? #ironic #TheGoonies
The one that they call Mouth is also the one who is able to fit it all in there. #aLittleGay #TheGoonies
If I am Chunk then I am still waiting for my Sloth to swing in and yell "Hey you Guys!" and save the day. It'll happen. #TheGoonies
Momma dropped the shit out of Sloth. That's why he ended up looking like that. Let that be a cautionary tale to future mothers. #TheGoonies
The kids meet up with their families and we get the old reunion bullshit. Where's the discipline? Where's the grounding? #TheGoonies
If I found some jewels in my bag then I would assume that I switched teams. One Eyed Willie got me. In my face. #TheGoonies
Ok. So they disobeyed their parents but in the end they saved the day. Do we punish or praise? #TheGoonies
That's why I kind of never want kids. You don't know what to do. Should I be proud or be upset? It's a challenge. #TheGoonies
I guess I want kids. I want them to go through the same shit i did. Have adventures. Fuck shit up. #TheGoonies
My life has been an adventure. Time to turn the page. To a new chapter. I need to live vicariously through my kids. #TheGoonies
The movie is just under 2 hours but the adventure lasts a lifetime. Goonies fo' life. That's what the kids be sayin'. #TheGoonies
If my kids are half as cool as me then I did a good job. Because they would have grown up with the classics. #TheGoonies
I could probably watch The Goonies again today and say some completely different things about the movie. That's the beauty of it. But on that night when I loaded up on the rum these are the words that flowed out of my brain and to the Twitter for the entire world to see. I'm not one of those people who keep their thoughts bottled up inside of their heads. Oh no, I will tell you all about them whether you like it or not. I love drunken Live Tweeting movies. It's a boatload of fun for me and I hope to do it again soon. I have a short list of 80's, 90's and 00's classics that I am prepared to send up in grand fashion on a rum-fueled night, so make sure you pay close attention to my Twitter account and this here blog for those episodes if you find this sort of thing amusing. And if you don't then you can't be in my rag-tag group of Goonies. It's your choice really. I suggest you think long and hard about which side you want to be on when the Revolution begins. If you aren't so sure about which side to choose remember this - Goonies never say die.
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