If you are reading this then the world didn't end. At least your world didn't end. There was some shit about the Mayan Calendar ending which was supposed to signify a catastrophic event that would end all life as we knew it. But that obviously didn't happen because we're still here. At least for the most part. I don't know if you picked up on it but earlier I said that your world didn't end. I did that on purpose because my world ended on April 25, 2011 when I lost my best friend and brother. After that I didn't see a reason to keep on living because what's the fucking point? No matter what I do in life from here on out it will never be as good as it was prior to April 25, 2011. Life pretty much sucks balls in Life After Timmy (L.A.T.) and this isn't the first time that I've asked for a higher power to rain down upon the Earth and kill me. If you have been a faithful reader of this blog (and if you follow me on Twitter) then you will remember me talking about The Rapture last year that was supposed to take place on October 21, 2011. I was ready to die and for Jesus to take me to Heaven to be with my brother. The night before it happened I drank heavily, cried buckets and wrote this entry about The Rapture. Click that link to check that out if you didn't read it when I originally posted it.
One thing I've always promised to do on here was to be open and honest about my life. This blog as you know it is pretty unfiltered. Because of that I don't expect you to ever read any of this or listen to this podcast. But I'm going to keep on posting because I'm hoping that it is therapeutic for me to get this shit out in the open. During the last few months I have been looking for a drive to stay alive and so far I haven't found any reasons why I should continue living. But once again before you start to worry I haven't found any reasons to end my life either. So relax. But if something massive like The Rapture or The End of The World is supposed to occur I'm going to sit back and accept it. I don't need to keep living if there is nothing to live for. And so I present to you Episode 9 of my Drive to Stay Alive. It was recorded prior to the predicted End of the World date (December 21, 2012) I'd like to think I talked as a man with nothing to lose. A man with no future. A man without hope. And when you lose hope you truly have nothing left. There is nothing to live for. You have no drive to stay alive. It's a really hard place to be in. Which is why I'm trying to get out of it.
Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 9 - The End of My World, so that you can listen to it whenever you feel like it: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep9.mp3
I apologize for this shit being really depressing but this is where I am in my life right now. I try to sprinkle it with speckles of humor but there is nothing funny with being depressed and having nothing to live for. But the World didn't end and I'm still here. And I have a feeling that it's going to be God's cruel joke to keep me alive well into my 90's or 100's so I can stick around until I figure out the meaning of my life. Only then will I be allowed to join him in Heaven and have a June's Blanket Reunion Concert. It sucks to know that my life is never going to be good again but I guess as long as I'm alive I'm going to keep on trying to figure out a reason to stay alive. Because that's why we're all here, right?
- pookon -
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