Pickle the Day: October 7th - Let's Go Fly a Kite

Every year my Mom sings for this Walk to Remember thing at the Milwaukee Lakefront. I don't know how many years she's been doing it but I remember goofing around down there with Timmy because we were asked to fly the kite. After taking more than a couple of years off, I was asked to fly the kite for this memorial event. This time there would be no goofing around. The Walk to Remember is an event held on the first Sunday of October (which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month) by The Metro Milwaukee Affiliates of the RTS (Resolve Through Sharing) Bereavement Services. It is meeting with prayers, songs, words of hope, a walk and a kite flying for the families who have had babies die during pregnancy or shortly after birth. This was my first time going there after experiencing a loss in my life. When we used to tag along with Mom we screwed off in the parking lot or down by the lake while they were doing their prayer service. It's not that I don't care about other people, but the reason behind this event was so foreign to us. I felt weird being there around these people that I had nothing in common with. I know this sounds insensitive, but I used to think big deal, you lost a baby that you knew for like a few days (or 9 months in the womb). I was an idiot. I didn't understand. Even though I have lost the closet person to me in my life, I still don't understand. I don't know what it is like to create a life. I don't know what it is like to spend 3/4th of a year planning and preparing every day for a lifetime commitment of being a parent. I don't know about any of that and I doubt that I ever will. But unfortunately now I know all too well about loss. But I still don't really know how to deal with it.

The kite flying is a very important part of this memorial service. People write the names of their children on the kite or a brief message of love and the kite goes up in the air as a symbol of a connection between Heaven and Earth. Apparently this means a lot to people because they cut off pieces of the tail to keep as a memento of the day. This is how I came to fly a kite on Sunday, October 6th. This time I listened to the speeches. I closed my eyes and held back tears as my Mother sang the songs. I joined in on the readings and prayers. I saw the faces of everyone who was there. I grieved with them. They didn't know me. They didn't know I hadn't lost a child. I felt like an imposter but they treated me with such dignity and respect. I just flew a kite. That's how I saw it. But to them I was taking their prayers and messages and sending them up to Heaven. Anyone could have done it. It doesn't take a lot of skill or effort to fly a kite. But it wasn't just anyone who did it. It was me. I was given the task of delivering these messages into the sky. And I wasn't going to fail. But I couldn't do it on my own. We never can. I had to ask for a little help from the Man Upstairs and some kid I know.

It was in the low 60's and cloudy down by the lake and the wind was barely there. It couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 miles per hour. I don't know how much wind you need to get a kite up in the air and sustain its' flight. I'm no kite expert. But I do know that I was having difficulty getting the kite in the air today. With the clock ticking down to the arrival of the people walking in this memorial, I knew that I needed some help. I asked God (through my Guardian Angel Timmy as I often do) for a little wind. And I got it. Just in time too. As you can see in the picture above, I got the kite flying at a pretty respectable height. It was soaring in the sky as the people gathered after completing their one mile walk. It was carrying their messages of love (and a RFT that I snuck in there) during the prayers, songs and closing remarks. When it was time for the kite to come down so that people could take a piece of the tail home, the wind suddenly disappeared and the kite almost fell right into my arms. It was up in the sky for the exact amount of time that I needed it to be. No more, no less. I had done my job and every one there thanked me for flying the kite. Like I said, this is a big deal to a lot of people. Every day people ask for miracles or for God to show himself. God can't answer all of your prayers. He's always listening but every now and then you do get a response. I get it now. It's not just a kite. It is a connection to Heaven. I was on the ground, the kite was in the air and God and Timmy were up there. And for a brief moment in time I felt like a little kid and an adult all at once. Flying a kite is such a simple thing. But as I learned today it could also be so complex. Make sure to fly back over here tomorrow for another pickle. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
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The Write Month: June 22 - It Just Hits You, Like a Bolt of Lightning

It's not science, when you find the right idea it just hits you. It's like lightning. When I started this Write Month I had a couple of ideas in the hopper but for the most part I've just let the World take its' course to lead me to these articles. Every day I would take an idea from my head or a moment from my life and write about it. It didn't have to be the most sensational thing or the greatest idea in the history of mankind but they were always unique. Even if it was an idea that someone had before it was still unique to me and therefor could be another chapter in my life. This has been a revelation of  sorts because every day presents a new challenge to write another blog post. And every day I have succeeded with bringing you a fresh new work of art. Or at least my ramblings disguised as art. Today that work of art is something that I can not take credit for. It is an act of God. It is a storm. And lightning. And thunder. And rain. And everything else that comes with it.

It was storming when I was leaving the bar tonight after having a few post-work drinks with some friends. I drove home in the rain and I am currently sitting at the computer with the window open listening to the sounds of nature. You know there is not much more that I love than to lay back and listen to a storm. Whether I am safely indoors or inside of a tent, I become a part of the storm while listening to the droplets of rain, the wind whistling through the tress, the sound of thunder and seeing the flash of lightning light up the night sky. There's something so incredibly dangerous but also so calming about a storm that tugs at both ends of the spectrum. I feel safe but at the same time am a moment away from danger. It's a little poetic and inspiring. It makes you feel small in a way because it shows you that you are not in control of this World but at the same time you can find shelter and escape it thus preserving your existence. I love being caught up in it with nothing better to do than just experience the majesty of it all. Just like Eddie Rabbitt, I love the rainy night.

I'm big on white noise. I don't know why I had to bring race into this but it just happened that way. Sorry to all of the other noises of different colors that I offended. That was not my intent. But I need some kind of white noise to help me fall asleep. Most nights it is the TV playing a movie that I've seen 100 times. Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever. In the summer all I need is a fan. But last night I had the windows open and fell asleep to the soothing sounds of rain and the distant rumble of thunder. It rocked me to sleep like Momma rocks a wagon wheel. Hey Momma rock me.

I woke up this morning to a soft rain and it was a beautiful way to begin a new day. Sometimes things just happen for no particular reason and I'm caught up in the middle of them. Storms happen. Did I see that coming? Nope. Did I plan on writing this article? Nope. But when could I predict the weather, let alone the future? Both are so unpredictable. In fact I don't know if I want to live in a world where we know how everything is going to play out ahead of time. I don't want to be able to say that it's too bad the post office isn't as efficient as the weather service. I like chance. I like wonder. I like being amazed. I love to dance in the rain. To drink whiskey around a fire while the rain falls down around me. It's just water after all. The human body is up to 60% water so it's kind of like a reunion when water hits the surface of our skin and becomes absorbed. To me it's such a warm feeling even though the rain may be cold. It feels like home. I'd give anything to feel like that every day. 

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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The Write Month: June 6 - Weather or Not I Should

Sometimes I am so preoccupied with whether or not I could, I don't stop to think if I should. That of course is a play on the comment made by Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) in Jurassic Park. By now you probably already figured out my fascination with movies. Actually its more like an obsession. Almost every one of these entries in the Write Month has been laced with movie references. That's because I don't go outside much. I think I could handle being a shut in. That's something that I'm trying to change because I've already lived most of the adventures you can do indoors. Outside there are so many wonderful things waiting for us, and I simply need to step out there and find them. I have to stop thinking about doing it and just go out there and do it.

That's easier said than done here in Wisconsin. We have 3 seasons: winter, construction and August. Take today for example. I mean shit, it's June 6 for crying out loud and it's 52 and cloudy. 52!! Now I'm not one that normally complains about the weather because hot and humid doesn't bode well for a big guy like me. Being sweaty and tired is not how I want to spend my day. That's probably why I stay inside all the time. But I'm trying to change that. I want to be like one of you normal people. You always look like you're having a lot of fun outdoors. I made an effort to do so today and I feel better because of it. For 8 hours a day I'm couped up in a cubicle like a lifeless robot and I think it's slowly killing me. I know that I'm more tired than ever and I'm completely bored with my life. So I blame the weather of all things. Might want to start blaming myself.

So to answer the question of whether or not I should do something different -  it is a resounding yes. But the problem remains that I don't know what to do. Baby steps I guess. Every day is another chance to try something new, like going outside instead of being pent up indoors. To stop trying to control everything and just go with the flow. To blame it on something instead of blaming it on the rain. To stop talking about the weather and make chit chat instead. To stop telling the Commander that I make the weather. To change. To be different. To be as open as the outdoors. To breathe non-recycled air. I got a nice head start on Days 1 + 2 of this Month when I went camping and the forecast for the rest of the month is looking quite promising for me leaving the house. Stay tuned folks and I'll let you know how it turned out. I have a feeling we're in for another adventure.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com