Every year my Mom sings for this Walk to Remember thing at the Milwaukee Lakefront. I don't know how many years she's been doing it but I remember goofing around down there with Timmy because we were asked to fly the kite. After taking more than a couple of years off, I was asked to fly the kite for this memorial event. This time there would be no goofing around. The Walk to Remember is an event held on the first Sunday of October (which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month) by The Metro Milwaukee Affiliates of the RTS (Resolve Through Sharing) Bereavement Services. It is meeting with prayers, songs, words of hope, a walk and a kite flying for the families who have had babies die during pregnancy or shortly after birth. This was my first time going there after experiencing a loss in my life. When we used to tag along with Mom we screwed off in the parking lot or down by the lake while they were doing their prayer service. It's not that I don't care about other people, but the reason behind this event was so foreign to us. I felt weird being there around these people that I had nothing in common with. I know this sounds insensitive, but I used to think big deal, you lost a baby that you knew for like a few days (or 9 months in the womb). I was an idiot. I didn't understand. Even though I have lost the closet person to me in my life, I still don't understand. I don't know what it is like to create a life. I don't know what it is like to spend 3/4th of a year planning and preparing every day for a lifetime commitment of being a parent. I don't know about any of that and I doubt that I ever will. But unfortunately now I know all too well about loss. But I still don't really know how to deal with it.
The kite flying is a very important part of this memorial service. People write the names of their children on the kite or a brief message of love and the kite goes up in the air as a symbol of a connection between Heaven and Earth. Apparently this means a lot to people because they cut off pieces of the tail to keep as a memento of the day. This is how I came to fly a kite on Sunday, October 6th. This time I listened to the speeches. I closed my eyes and held back tears as my Mother sang the songs. I joined in on the readings and prayers. I saw the faces of everyone who was there. I grieved with them. They didn't know me. They didn't know I hadn't lost a child. I felt like an imposter but they treated me with such dignity and respect. I just flew a kite. That's how I saw it. But to them I was taking their prayers and messages and sending them up to Heaven. Anyone could have done it. It doesn't take a lot of skill or effort to fly a kite. But it wasn't just anyone who did it. It was me. I was given the task of delivering these messages into the sky. And I wasn't going to fail. But I couldn't do it on my own. We never can. I had to ask for a little help from the Man Upstairs and some kid I know.
It was in the low 60's and cloudy down by the lake and the wind was barely there. It couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 miles per hour. I don't know how much wind you need to get a kite up in the air and sustain its' flight. I'm no kite expert. But I do know that I was having difficulty getting the kite in the air today. With the clock ticking down to the arrival of the people walking in this memorial, I knew that I needed some help. I asked God (through my Guardian Angel Timmy as I often do) for a little wind. And I got it. Just in time too. As you can see in the picture above, I got the kite flying at a pretty respectable height. It was soaring in the sky as the people gathered after completing their one mile walk. It was carrying their messages of love (and a RFT that I snuck in there) during the prayers, songs and closing remarks. When it was time for the kite to come down so that people could take a piece of the tail home, the wind suddenly disappeared and the kite almost fell right into my arms. It was up in the sky for the exact amount of time that I needed it to be. No more, no less. I had done my job and every one there thanked me for flying the kite. Like I said, this is a big deal to a lot of people. Every day people ask for miracles or for God to show himself. God can't answer all of your prayers. He's always listening but every now and then you do get a response. I get it now. It's not just a kite. It is a connection to Heaven. I was on the ground, the kite was in the air and God and Timmy were up there. And for a brief moment in time I felt like a little kid and an adult all at once. Flying a kite is such a simple thing. But as I learned today it could also be so complex. Make sure to fly back over here tomorrow for another pickle. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.
- pookon -
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