Pickle the Day: October 17th - I HATE the Smell of Commerce in the Evening!

I hate the smell of commerce in the evening. I hate it in the morning. I hate it during the Christmas season. I hate it on a boat, I hate it on a plane. I really do hate it Sam I Am. Now I sound like the Green Eggs and Ham dude. What was his name? Dr Suess? What exactly was he a doctor of? Look I don't really care. It's 7am and I barely slept. I had to be at work at 6am for this health assessment bullshit. What are they going to tell me, that I'm obese? Well, there's something that I didn't know. Like I'm not reminded of it every single day. But that's not the point right now. I hate the mall. I hate shopping in general though. I have everything I need to survive for the immediate future but I guess sometimes that's not enough. My buddy Joey Kanz is getting married tomorrow and I had to pick up my tuxedo. That meant going to the mall yet again. In the last few weeks I've been there to get fitted for that tux, eat dinner with the family, 5-6 separate times for eye exams/new contacts, to see a movie and some other random bullshit. I worked at the mall for like 5 years when I was in my late teens to early 20s. I was sick of it then and I'm sick of it now. I don't understand people who go there. That's one thing I just can't get behind. Must be a fat guy thing. We don't like trying on clothes or walking a lot. That's pretty much what the mall is. There's the food court and snack stations, which we do like, but we don't like eating in public because people judge us. I'd rather eat in the privacy of my home so that no one can disapprove of my food choices. Look pal, I already know that I'm going to die. Newsflash - we are all going to die. I'm just trying to beat you there. It's about time that I won something. But fuck it. Why care about something if it isn't worth caring about? Who gives a shit about the mall anyway? I don't. So I don't know why I even bother wasting my time talking about it. Why do I do anything?

I'm sick and tired of everything. What else is new? I've got nothing. I can't wait for October to be over so I can stop bitching about stuff every day. I'm starting to sound like people on Facebook that drive me crazy like Hoke drives Miss Daisy. Remember that flick? Morgan Freeman was the shit in that. He's the shit in everything. I wish he was my best friend. I could sit and listen to him talk forever. I could imagine us sitting in rocking chairs on the porch, watching the sun set while splitting a pitcher of lemonade. He would tell me stories from his life, his friend's lives, movie characters' lives, a bug's life, the life of Pi, the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Life Magazine, the Life Foundation, the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life and hopefully narrate my life when we start going off on adventures together. Morgan and Me. That would be a dream come true. If only my life were that amazing. But maybe it will be. Maybe tomorrow will be a pickle of me and Morgan Freeman giving each other high fives. Who knows? I've got a whole jar of them just waiting to be shared. There may be one in there that I never saw coming. Please be this one!

 - pookon -

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