On the drive to work I was looking all around for something to write about for today's entry. When I was walking into work I was scanning the sky for a topic. All I saw was fog, which I wrote about in yesterday's entry. I couldn't do the same thing twice in a row. I stared at my computer screen for 8 hours today and casually looked at the walls of my cubicle. Still nothing. As I walked out to my car I couldn't help but notice that it rained today, so naturally there were some puddles on the ground. Then I looked down. And there it was - my idea. Or I guess I should say there he was - the Other Me. The Other Me exists in a different world; an Alternate Dimension. Well that is if you believe in that kind of thing. Belief is a very interesting thing. There are some beliefs that you can have that nothing can get in the way of. God. Aliens. Alternate dimensions. The decency of the human race. Love. If you truly believe in something no one can tell you that you are wrong. It doesn't matter how many facts or proof they throw at you to knock you off your pedestal - as long as there is a sliver of hope left you will always hang on to what you believe in. I believe in an alternate dimension. I believe there is another version of me out there. I see him sometimes in the corner of my eye as I pass by a mirror. I see him when I skip rocks in the river and the ripples open up the gateway to his world. I hear him whispering when I lie awake at night shrouded in darkness. I sense his presence when I close my eyes in deep meditation. Sometimes I swear that I hear his voice when I'm in my darkest hour. He is the one that I have always wanted to be. He is the one that I have the potential to be. He is the one that I'm meant to be. Something bigger. Something greater. Someone who can change the World. Someone who is not afraid. The Other Me is out there. I just need to figure out a way to find him.
The Other Me takes challenges head-on. He never quits. He keeps on going even when everything tells him to stop. The Other Me lives up to his potential. The Other Me would never be content to waste his talents at a remedial job. The Other Me would rather struggle with paying bills doing a job that he loves than being able to survive financially doing a job he hates. The Other Me chases his dreams. The Other Me is a professional writer. The Other Me cares what people think about him. He dresses nice, he works out to stay physically fit and he doesn't look like a hobo. The Other Me dated all sorts of nice girls and is happily married with his first child on the way. The Other Me goes out on a Friday night and is an upstanding member of the community. He volunteers his time and donates what little extra money he has to charity. The Other Me is not an asshole. He is confident, well spoken and the life of the party. In a good way too, not the everybody point and laugh at the drunken idiot way. He would never drink an entire bottle of wine by himself and then pass out on the floor. The Other Me doesn't swear like curse words are the only fucking words in his god damn vocabulary. He goes to church, has strong morals and has a good soul. The Other Me isn't a loser. He doesn't lead a sad and pathetic life. He has hopes. He has dreams. He has a purpose. He has never asked for the Rapture or the End of the World to happen so that death could come swiftly and take his life so that he never had to consider taking it himself. The Other Me doesn't cry because he has nothing to be sad about. The Other Me is perfect.
But the Other Me only exists in that alternate dimension. He is a glimpse of what I could be. He is what I should be. But something is holding me back. I don't see him all the time. I only see him when I am looking for him. And I don't look too often. In a way I am a newly blind man fumbling around searching for a way to adjust to the new world. I am often lost with no direction. No one is helping me. I never asked for help. My life is over because I know that the Other Me will always better than me. Faster. Stronger. Smarter. But I don't realize that I have more in common with the Other Me than any other person on this planet. We are so similar that is scary. And all I do is talk about how different we are. I fail to realize that looking at the Other Me is like looking in a mirror. We are so alike. I want to be him and he wants to be me. That doesn't make sense. He has everything but he wants the freedom that I have. I want the stability of his life and the perceived happiness. I will keep looking at the Other Me and wanting his life. I will never be happy until I stop looking at the Other Me. But I will also never be happy until I become the Other Me. I don't know what to do. I tried asking the Other Me for some advice but he just quietly stared back at me. It's up to me to change. It's always been up to me. I'm all on my own. But I still believe that there is someone out there for me. Someone who can help me reach my full potential. Someone that loves me and pushes me to be great. Someone who sees both Me and the Other Me and knows that they are one in the same. As long as there is a sliver of hope left you will always hang on to what you believe in. I do believe that tomorrow I will have another pickle or you. I've got a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.
- pookon -
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