The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 24 - A Perfect Moment in Time

I've been doing this podcast since October of 2012. Wow. I can't believe that it has been that long. Most podcasts are done weekly or monthly or have some kind of a schedule so the listeners know when to expect a new episode. Since I don't have any listeners, I pretty much do it whenever I have something to say. What is the point of talking if you aren't saying anything? I haven't had much to say lately. In fact, this episode was recorded in March when I was driving from Las Vegas, Nevada to Phoenix, Arizona in mid-March but I'm not posting it until late August. So I haven't had anything relevant to say for the past 5 months. But I did want to post this episode because the drive to Las Vegas on Sunday March 16 and the drive back to Phoenix on Tuesday March 18 was exactly what I needed at that point in my life. There's not a whole lot more I love to do than to go for a nice long drive. When I'm out there I'm free from the World and free from my problems. It's just me and the road.

When I'm alone with my thoughts I can either go to a really dark place or I can get all deep and introspective about my life. Very rarely do I think positively or or have happy thoughts. That's why I try to always do something to distract myself from thinking too much. I surround myself with various forms of entertainment to keep my mind from wandering. But I can't ignore it forever. Those thoughts are there waiting for me and they will never go away unless I address them head on and start dealing with my issues. I'm no different than anyone else. People have problems. They just have a better way of dealing with them. I've tried a couple of things but this podcast helps in a way because it allows me to talk things out loud and be held accountable for things I say or promises that I make. No one listens to this nonsense, but there is always the possibility that someone might. And that possibility it what keeps me driving on. I'd like to think that someone out there truly cares about me and what I have to say. They say everything has an audience somewhere. You just have to keep putting yourself and your work out there until that audience finds you. But until that happens I'll just keep doing this for me. So here you go Scott. Here's a reminder that life isn't all bad. There are great things that happen and for at least at one particular moment in time, everything was perfect. Remember that the next time life gets you down.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 24 - A Perfect Moment in Time: http://pookon.com/music/dtsa-ep24.mp3

Right now in this moment in time everything is perfect. I want to remember that for the times when when I need it
— Scott Iceman Reck (@pookondotcom) March 19, 2014

This is a picture of that moment in time. It probably doesn't look like much, but the picture doesn't really tell the whole story. It was the open road, the setting sun, being by myself in a strange and beautiful environment, having nothing better to do and all the time to do it in. Well, within reason I guess. I did have to be back in Phoenix by 10pm for my 11:30pm flight back home. So I couldn't take all the time in the World but it was damn near close. For the most part I knew where I was going. Here's the road - take it to get where you were going. But since I have never traveled on this path, I knew that anything could happen down the road ahead. It was my sense of adventure that kept me going. I guess that's what keeps me living. There's always another adventure waiting for me down the road and I won't be able to experience it if I don't keep driving. I still haven't figured it all out yet and I doubt that I ever will. Maybe we aren't supposed to understand life or know how we factor into the history of the World. Maybe we aren't meant to ever figure out our purpose or the meaning of life. Sometimes things happen that we can't explain or even begin to make sense of. That's when I need to go back to that place. That one moment in time where none of that matters and I just existed in the middle of a grand adventure. Back when even for just a moment, I was free.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 23 - I Only Gamble With My Life

I've had a lot of very interesting days in my life - some good and some bad. I like to try and forget the bad ones even though they are ingrained in my memory. The good ones I don't want to ever forget. But what about the ones that were equally as good and bad? What should I do about those days? I should share them with you. You're welcome in advance. This episode is a departure from the normal structure of this podcast but I had to do something like this again after I had so much fun with it last time I was in Las Vegas. If you listened to Episode 19 - Operation Dawn (which was recorded in March 2013 on my first night out there for a friend's wedding) then you know exactly how this one is going to turn out. The title of this episode comes from 1999's The Mummy. In it, Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) is asked to join in a card game, to which he responds, "I only gamble with my life, never my money." I wish I was the same way, especially after this recent adventure. The truth is that I'm a gambling addict and I can't stay away from Las Vegas even though she repeatedly steals money from my wallet and leaves me lying unsatisfied in a drunken stupor. But like someone in an abused relationship, they go against their better judgment and keep coming back.

This was on the tail end of my trip down to Arizona to watch the Milwaukee Brewers play some Spring Training baseball. It was my plan all along to make the 5 hour drive to Las Vegas but I didn't plan on getting my ass kicked on the first night. I guess I was just ready to blow off some steam and I hit the ground running pretty hard. I was way too drunk to remember to record that night, so I did it the following night when I went to Planet Hollywood. I apologize if I sound a little down but I definitely wasn't as drunk as the night before (no one should ever be), I had already lost all of my allocated gambling money and I had arrived at this casino only to find they removed my Penguin slot machine where I could sit and creepily ogle the scantily clad dancing girls. That was my favorite spot in all of Las Vegas. But I decided to record anyway, and the result is still highly entertaining. 

This podcast is actually 3 separate recordings stitched together. The first 32 minutes were recorded at Planet Hollywood on Monday March 17 while playing some Caesar age of the Roman Empire type slot machine. The next 15 minutes were recorded on Sunday March 16 at the Plaza Casino downtown at like 3 in the morning while playing some slot machine next to some random girl. The last 8 minutes are at 4 in the morning on that same night when I was just about to pass out from a long night of drinking and gambling. I know it's not in the right order as far as when they were recorded, but in some drunken way it kind of makes sense. So kick back, open up a beverage (of the alcoholic kind if you're not at work) and get ready for what I think about when I'm in Las Vegas:

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 23 - I Only Gamble With My Life: http://pookon.com/music/dtsa-ep23-gamble.mp3

I spent most of the day hungover laying in bed watching Boy Meets World. Hell of a way to spend a day in Las Vegas. By the time that I could stomach water and food, almost the entire day had passed. Thankfully I was in Las Vegas and there is plenty to do at night, so I took my car down to to the Strip and wandered around for a bit before settling in at the Planet Hollywood to record this episode. Here is a sampling of my Twitter account @pookondotcom from that night when I got into the usual hi-jinks that come from hanging out by yourself and drinking in a foreign city. As you can imagine, things got a little weird. They always do.

Playing Reels O'Dublin at Margaritaville. After all, it is #StPatricksDay. Might as well do something Irish. #LasVegas

The drink girls at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville wear bikinis. Iceman likes. Mostly because I'm sad, pathetic and single. #LasVegas

I got a Landshark Lager as my "free" beer. I wish I could stay here all day. They have some great music. #Margaritaville #LasVegas

I'm starting to think that I'm unlucky. Oh really Iceman? What tipped you off? When you lost all that money? #LasVegas

It's not even fair how bad I am doing. It's like they should invent a new phrase, like "pulling an Iceman". #loser #LasVegas

My drink girl at Margaritaville had some really nice totties. If I was just a little more drunk, I would've told her. #SexyTime #LasVegas

Roamed the halls of the Flamingo looking for an ice machine. Something tells me I've been here before... #WSoBP #LasVegas

Drinking a potent mixture of rum, whiskey and mountain dew. If this thing kills me, I've led a horrifying life. #rage

Trying to find my favorite slot at Planet Hollywood. Where I can creepily ogle the dancing girls. And I can't find it. #Drunk

Either my bearings are off or they got rid of my favorite machine. I can't find it here. #sadness #LasVegas

I'm seriously upset right now. How am I supposed to creepily ogle the dancing girls now without looking weird? #LasVegas

I feel like another part of me has died. Las Vegas as I know it is no more. I don't ever want to come back here again. #sadness

I'm really upset here. I made one heck of a journey to get here only to find no prize at the finish line. #sadness #LasVegas

I feel like Forrest Gump when he's done running. "I'm pretty tired. I guess I'll go home now." #LasVegas

Don't get me wrong. I love noise. I would eat it for breakfast. But I can't stand noise just for the sake of noise. #LasVegas

Despite all the weird looks I got, I recorded a drunken podcast in #LasVegas. Just as you requested @MPW8279.

#LasVegas doesn't give a fuck that it is a Monday night and neither do I. Hell of a town. #rage

(I'm laughing at some random thing I saw, cackling like a maniac) Random: are you ok man? Me: no way. Not at all. #LasVegas

Drinking wine while watching the Bellagio Fountain show. I have to keep it classy. That's the only way to live. #LasVegas

Sang some Celine Dion at Bellagio with some beautiful girls from New Zealand. It's always good to be the Iceman. #LasVegas

After meeting those girls I definitely want my wife to be from New Zealand. What's sexier than a foreign accent? #LasVegas

Got a Corona and I'm playing Fireball. After this I can definitely call it quits. #LasVegas

Thanks for joining me on yet another adventure. I spend a lot of time alone, which is why I take to my Twitter account to invite the World (well, actually my 270 followers or whomever ends up randomly seeing my tweets because of my hashtags) to come along with me. These things that I put on there are my actual thoughts or things that I did or said. There is no lying or manipulation of the truth. Where's the fun in that? It's hilarious because it's true. I really am this strange. No wonder why I don't have anyone to hang out with on a Saturday night or a girlfriend. Is it that hard to believe? It's a gift and a curse. I can entertain the masses and draw in but at the same time I push everybody away. But that's life. That's what I experience along my drive. Thanks for riding shotgun for a bit. Remember to tip the valet.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 22 - It's the Holiday Season and Whoop-Dee-Doo

I realized that I haven't recorded an episode of this podcast since August. I guess I really didn't have anything to say. Well that's not true. There's always something to say. I suppose I should clarify that there has been nothing worth saying. Nothing has changed. There are no really happy times in my life and no real sad ones. I guess I just had an average couple of months. I decided that I might as well try and recap the past few months with a new episode, which I recorded a few days before Christmas. In this episode I once again talk about my disdain for the holiday season, how I tried and failed at Movember (here's what I wrote about my optimism at the beginning of the month and my pessimistic admittance to failure at the end), my hate for the yearly Christmas Letter and lack of life moments, what my final words will be when I'm on my deathbed, my driving habits/philosophies, 10-year Confirmation Reunions, driving in the snow and whatever random thoughts populate into my brain as I was driving on that Winter's day.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 22 - It's the Holiday Season and Whoop-Dee-Doo: http://pookon.com/music/dtsa-ep22.mp3

The drive home ended being a little rougher than I anticipated thanks to the snow, which made it more ridiculous that I was talking into a little black box and telling it the story of my life. If I would have died in a fiery crash and my recording device was the only thing that survived, someone could have had a field day with this episode. I sound like such a pussy complaining about 1st World Problems and how much my life sucks when I brought all this shit on myself. I had been on a 6-week bender at this point and fresh off of a failure Movember when I promised to better my life. What did you expect me to talk about - faeries, moonbeams and unicorns? Happiness, good times and the unbroken spirit of the human race? NO! I was depressed. So I talked about depressing shit. Sorry. That's life. It changes every single day. This episode is merely a capture of one particular day in the life. And for me, life is usually pretty rough around the Holidays. We'll see what happens next time.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 21 - Back to Reality (The Afterglow Blues)

Coming back home from Afterglow is really hard. It's one of the saddest and most difficult days of my entire year. I can't really explain why but I'll try. Imagine the greatest place in your mind then you get to go there for a week. No work. No troubles. Total freedom. All of the people who you love the most are there. There's plenty of food, drinks and merriment. And there is rage. More rage then you can ever begin to comprehend. Life takes a backseat. You feel at peace. The world slows down. It's heaven on Earth. And just when you settle in and get acclimated to the perfect life reality comes back with a vengeance and tells you that not only do you have to leave this paradise but that you can't go back there for another 51 weeks. Then you get saddled with work. And problems. And in my case this year a cold and back problems. If my week at Afterglow was Heaven then I've definitely been going through Hell since I've been back home.

I can deal with sickness. I don't like it but I can get all hopped up on medicine, drink plenty of fluids and get a ton of rest. You can live with a cold even if you are hacking your lungs out and sneezing like someone shoved a shaker of pepper up your nose. Does pepper really make people sneeze? I know that it does in cartoons but I've never sneezed because of pepper. I've cried because of onions so I can totally get behind that one but I think the pepper one is bullshit. But back to my recent malady. One day I woke up with back pain. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I have never broken, sprained, severely burned or cut any part of my body. I've never had a surgery or had painful dental work done. I've been pretty lucky (or just ultra conservative because I choose not to live life and instead I sit in my sheltered box in front of a computer screen) so only now do I know what it is like to be helpless. To be in complete agony. To be captive in your own body. To not to be able to live your life. The back is the core of your body and every movement seems like it is connected to it somehow. Or at least that's how I've been feeling. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to stand up. To walk. To sit. To lay down. To move my arms. Everything hurt. And there was not a damn thing that I could do about it.

This is the first time I've really spoken out about this unless you've happened to come in contact with me over the past two weeks and seen me hobble around like an old man. Well that's not entirely true. I've also taken to my Twitter account (@Pookondotcom) to bitch about my life and to keep a running account of the way I felt throughout this entire ordeal. I use Twitter to remember my life because it is so easy to jot down a random thought or situation I find myself getting into so I apologize if you follow me and see all the nonsense I put on there. But I've typed enough here today. I took to my solo Podcast as a way to work out some of my problems during this troubling time in my life and also to release some of the frustrations that have come with it. Driving centers me and gives me a chance  to step back for a few minutes and evaluate my life and the choices that I have made. This podcast has helped me to understand a lot about myself and if you've ever wanted to try and do the same, start by clicking the play button below and listening to my latest episode.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 21 - Back to Reality (The Afterglow Blues): http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep21.mp3

I can't really think of a good way to end this article/time in my life. That's because there is no ending. I know that the Afterglow Blues will last until I get back up there on July 19, 2014. I hope and pray to God that my back issues don't last that long. Things have gotten better in the last few days but this sounds like something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. While that sounds like one of the worst things I can possibly think of I just need to keep telling myself that I'm still alive. And while I'm alive I get to continue driving towards my end goal and hopefully keep on learning some cool shit along the way. That's all I can ever ask for. 

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 20 - Some Days Are Diamonds

Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks. That's what Tom Petty sings in the song "Walls" which happens to be one of my favorite songs. It has some really good lines in it and it speaks to me with its' poetry. There are other lines in the song (because what would be the point of a song with one line?) but for the purpose of this episode I've chosen to focus on that one line. The day that I talk about here was a diamond. And I was due for one because I've had a lot of rocks in my life. For the most part everything has been depressing or negative during this Drive to Stay Alive experiment so I figured that if something good happened I definitely needed to mention it. There is a balance in this World so everything can't always be bad even though it seems to be that way sometimes. Memorial Day weekend was pretty epic and random and I start to explain what happened to me in those couple of days. Then somehow during this episode the story changes and I go off on a different tangent. Some stories are meant to be told and some are supposed to stay with the creator. I have no idea what I am doing here but it is all part of the drive. Click below to listen and to come along for the ride: 

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 20 - Some Days Are Diamonds: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep20.mp3

I'm still trying to put the pieces back together after that weekend of rage and I was hoping that this podcast (recorded just a few days afterwards) would help me to remember everything that happened. I can't grab a hold of everything but a couple of specific memories are ingrained in my head and I hope they stay there forever no matter how hard I try to drink them away with the bad ones. Let's just say that it was equal parts outstanding and ridiculous for so many reasons. I've done enough teasing both in the podcast and here in text without revealing a single thing and I can understand how frustrating that is. Look, I get it. But you're just going to have to deal with it. This is my life and I'm the only one that is privy to every detail. But if you follow me on Twitter and happened to be looking at my page on that day then I'm sure you grabbed a few morsels along the way. It's not a full meal but it will tide you over until suppertime. You're going to have to go somewhere else for that meal because I'm fresh out of juicy tidbits. Sorry pal. But look at it this way - it's not the first time that I've let you down and it will not be the last. So much for being a positive episode...

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

The Write Month: June 14 - The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 19 - Operation Dawn

I've been doing a solo podcast since late October of 2012. I call it The Drive to Stay Alive because I record the episode while I am driving back and forth from work while searching for my purpose in this world; a reason to keep living. I started recording at a very dark time in my life and over the course of the last 8 months I have figured out a lot of things about myself and how to be happy in an otherwise sad world. I haven't got it all figured out yet which is why I keep recording. To my knowledge I'm the only one who has ever listened to an episode of this even though I have posted every single of them in this blog. But I'm ok with that. In fact I don't really care if you listen to them because you don't really have a reason to. It's not your life on the line here. Whatever you tell me to do or try and help me fix my life probably won't work (no offense) because the answer needs to come from within. I have to figure this one out on my own. But I post these episodes to hold myself accountable in the rare case that someone does take the time to know what's going on in my life. At any time someone could stop me and ask if I have stayed true to any of the promises that I have made or if I have quit like I always do. But no one has done that yet. But I do enjoy going back and listening to the previous episodes because each one is a snapshot of my life at that moment. I can also see how much (or how little) I have changed since then. The following episode was recorded at like 3 in the morning when I was in Las Vegas in late March of 2013, which is a bit of a departure from the usual Drive to Stay Alive Podcast. 

I rolled into Las Vegas on a Friday night around midnight. My flights had been delayed and were switched around so I got in later than I had expected. For my troubles I received a $600 travel voucher so my trip started out on a very high note. I arrived at my hotel (The Super 8 just off Strip) and met up with my friends where we hung out and sand some karaoke. They went to bed around 230 am but I was pretty jazzed up and not ready to turn in. That's when I started Operation Dawn. I was drinking (and not driving of course) so I decided to record even though it wasn't a traditional episode of this podcast. It's a little on the long side because I just hit the record button and had a hard time paying attention thanks to the booze, flashing lights and obnoxious noises. But now I'm sober and I was able to edit together a semi-coherent representation of my night. It's not as introspective as I usually get and I in no way, shape or form identify a problem in my life or figure out a way to solve it. But I do have some fun. Some good drunken fun. Give it a listen if you have an hour to burn. 

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 19 - Operation Dawn: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-19.mp3

When I'm drunk and alone I usually take to Twitter to share my adventures with someone. And that someone ends up being anyone who is brave enough to follow me. I'm 100% honest on there and everything that I say actually happened. I know. Seriously. I don't really believe it myself which is why I put it on there. When I sober up I check my Twitter account to see if I imagined it or if it was real. The following are real things that happened to me that night during Operation Dawn:

Picked up my bottle of backpack rum. My weekend in #LasVegas can now officially begin. I'm gonna be drunk 24/7 bitches!

Lost $4, had 2 rum drinks, ate the shit out of some pizza and a $2 local microbrew. This place is awesome. #EllisIslandCasino

My only stipulation for a slot machine is that it has to be as loud and obnoxious and I am. #LasVegas

It's 5am. I won $100 on penny slots and $20 by letting it ride on black. I'm up on the night plus I had plenty of beers. #LasVegas #victory

Fuck. Shit. God damn it. I was up and now I'm back at even. Why did I play blackjack? #GamblingAddiction #LasVegas

I should have left this casino hours ago. I shouldn't have had 10 beers. I've made some mistakes. But fuck it. #rage #LasVegas

I've been in this casino for going on 6 hours now. If I leave even then at least I did something better than sleeping. #rage

I'm just so fucking drunk right now. Creating a spectacle and cheering and laughing over nonsense. Another day in the life... #Iceman

Hanging out with this old dude. I'm drinking beer. He's drinking coffee. This old guy rules! #victory

I don't care if I win money or I lose money. This entire trip is going to be #victory when all is said and done. #LasVegas

The best part about this is that it's 830am back in Wisconsin and I'm talking to @JennyReck and @MPW8279 and I'm wasted. #LasVegas

Every time that I think about leaving this casino I get another round of free games or #victory. I can't lose! #LasVegas

This machine doesn't want me to leave. Every time I get up to go I get another bonus game. And another drink! #victory

This is beyond ridiculous. You would think I was dreaming right now. I have gotten so many free games and so many free beers. #victory

I just left the casino. Didn't sleep all night. Was raging like a banshee. I don't even know what that means. Classic. #victory

Still haven't slept. Drunk as shit, chillaxing in a hot tub. Living the good life. It's good to be the Iceman. #victory

Sobering up by doing laps in the pool. I wish every day could be like this. I truly am living the dream right now. #victory

I know I shouldn't be proud of this, but I'm so fucking drunk still at 9am. My life is insane pal. #LivingTheDream

(Taxi cab rolls up) Driver: you need a taxi? Me: No thanks pal, I'm trying to cut back. #classic

Sitting outside on the street, eating the shit out of some breakfast I got at 7 Eleven. Pretty much a perfect morning. #LasVegas

I'm such a drunken asshole right now. I saw some vomit on the ground, said last night's dinner and chuckled. #classic

I knew #LasVegas had a traffic problem, but I don't remember getting hit by a bus this morning. Good Lord. #GettingOld

This was a really good night. I actually remember a good amount of it despite being so drunk. I love that this happened the first night I was out here because I blew off so much steam and had a blast. I was losing money all night long and then hit a really big score that put me back ahead for the day. And I was drinking. All. Night. Long. When I finally left the casino at like 7am I went swimming to try and sober up. That didn't really work so I went to 7/11 for some breakfast. I sat out on the street corner eating my sausage muffin and drinking some orange juice and I just laughed. It's been a long time since I was that drunk so early in the morning. I just kept laughing to myself that I was a such a drunken asshole. This was a pretty good day. It wasn't the Virgin Islands and I didn't meet a girl. We didn't eat lobster, nor did we drink pina coladas. At sunset we definitely didn't make love like sea otters. I didn't get that day, but this was a day that I wouldn't mind living over and over. How's that for a glass is half full kinda guy?

- pookon - 

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 18 - A Back Breaking Reality

I haven't posted an Episode in well over a month because I haven't recorded anything lately. But I forgot that I had a couple of episodes in the hopper for times like this. Call it Lois' rainy day fund. I actually recorded this episode on March 1st but for some reason it's getting posted on May 16. Why the lapse of time? I don't really know. Granted I did have a really busy March and April but there is no excuse for the delay. It's not like anyone cares about this shit anyway. But I recorded this shit so I might as well post it even though so much has changed since then. I'm a different person than I was on March 1st even though it's only been 2 months. But it's like Cheech Marin (as the New York City dock worker) said in Ghostbusters 2 when the ghost Titanic arrived, "Well, better late than never." That's the attitude I'm going to take here. I do enjoy these little snipits of my life because they capture where I am at a particular point in my life that will never be replicated. Life is a series of moments strung together by time. At this particular time I was struggling with a lot of broken things in my life. My back was killing me for no reason and I hurt really bad for about 10 days. It was damn near crippling and I felt so helpless. My car was also broken and in the shop so I was borrowing my Dad's Baby Truck, which definitely didn't help my back. You know Chris Farley's "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" routine in Tommy Boy? It's like that except "Fat Guy in a Little Truck" when I drive this vehicle. All of that made me exceptionally upset in this episode and I provide one of the most angry commentaries in this Drive to Stay Alive. In that regard it is definitely worth a listen. I certainly can laugh at it now. So I have at least been able to entertain one person. I just wish that I could touch more people. And I wish that they would like it. Let me touch you by listening below.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 18 - A Back Breaking Reality: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep18.mp3

For some reason I recorded the 2nd half of this episode nearly a week after the 1st one. This allowed me to calm down and have a completely different perspective on the return trip of this episode. And then something happened on this drive home that got me fired up once again - other drivers. Every now and then the fact that I record this while I'm driving affects what I talk about as I just lose my mind in a rage-fueled tirade. That's when the F-bombs start dropping and everyone has to duck and cover. It gets a little weird here every so often which is why I keep recording this and posting it in the hopes that you check it out. Like I said, it is entertaining to me but then again so is my life. I love this shit. So I'm going to keep on driving. I'm going to keep on living. That is until God decides to stop this drive. Who knows when that will be. If it is in my power I'll see you again soon. Drive on my friends.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom

The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 17 - Finding A Balance

When I started this podcast in October of 2012 I didn't really know how long it would last or if it would help me out at all. Now it's April and I'm running out of things to talk about. But that good thing is that I've figured out a lot of things along the way and that I've been able to talk out some of my problems even though no one is listening. I don't you guys don't give a fuck about me or this podcast but I couldn't care less because this is helping me. I've spent the last 5 months of my life as a recluse trying to figure out my purpose in life and a reason to keep on living and while I can't say I've figured it out yet, I can tell you that I've learned a lot of really good things about myself. I've figured out 2 secrets to life so far (slow down and don't be a fucking idiot) and now I've figured out the 3rd - find a balance. While these things sound real basic on the surface they become really complex once I try to figure out a way to incorporate them into my life. This episode finds me trying to figure out the 3rd secret to life while also trying to figure out a way to make up for some lost time. I started this podcast because I needed to get my life back together but while I have been in solitude I have let some of my friendships slip away. There is no doubt in my mind that I could pick these up again and it would be all good again but like everything in life, it's going to take some work. Am I willing to work on that when I'm so busy with everything else? I don't know. Maybe some people are just better off alone. Or maybe I should just try and find a good balance, which is what this episode is all about. Click to listen below.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 17 - Finding A Balance: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-17.mp3

Now that I'm back working at Miller Park for the Summer I don't have a lot of time to do just about anything anymore. I know that I can find a way to balance it all but to be quite honest with you, I don't really want to. If I have the option of sitting at home alone or hanging out with people, I'll choose sitting at home alone 99 out of 100 times. I'm just a loner I guess. Plus I'm so swamped with all of these projects on this blog, my website or any of the other things I'm trying to do that I feel like I'm not doing my due diligence if I am ignoring them. After all I am writing the story of my life and leaving behind my legacy. But if I lose all of my friends and family then who will care to read it when I am gone? That's why I have to find a balance. And like everything that I've been talking about over the course of the past 5 months, this is something that is easier said then done. But nothing worth having comes free, so I suppose I'll have to work on this thing too. Like I don't have enough shit to do. Sigh...

 - pookon -

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The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 16 - One Single Goal

I recorded this episode a few days after Valentine's Day. If you've ever been single this time of the year then you know how depressing it can be. You get reminded that you're single everywhere you go, when you watch TV, go on Facebook and various other ways. The card/gift companies, flower stores, jewelry stores and restaurants thrive off of this holiday where people are expected to buy things for their significant other. The one good part of not being in a relationship is that you don't have to deal with all of that shit and the drama that comes with it. Other than that being single really sucks. Especially when every one you know is either married or in a relationship. I've been single forever and I've decided to change that. But it's going to be a real challenge. For starters I'm a piece of shit so I've started working on my personal problems through this podcast. I think over the last few months I've got my mind right so now I can start getting my grind right. And therein lies the problem. 

I'm unattractive by ever standard of every race, culture, social group and living breathing human on the Earth. If there are other people (aliens) in the Universe I'm pretty sure they find me unattractive too. That's because I'm fat and ugly. God gave me a decent looking body but I screwed it up by eating too much and not working out. It may be too late for me to change but I'm hoping there's still some time left to skinny up and trick a girl into marrying me. I wish I had a boatload of money so I could one of those mail-order brides. That would solve all my problems because she would have to hang out with me because I have money and she wants it. But I don't have money so I'm just going to have to use my sparkling personality, sense of humor and good looks to get a girlfriend. I don't know have any of those. In this podcast I discuss the lack of these things and my plan to get them.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 16 - One Single Goal: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep16.mp3

My goal by the end of the year is to be in a committed relationship, and I don't mean locked up in the Mental Hospital with some guy who thinks he is Dr. Teeth from the Electric Mayhem. I want to have a girlfriend. It's going to take a lot of work but everything that is worth it always does. I don't know if I'm cut out for this kind of thing and that's not my way of coming out of the closet. I don't like dudes. I like chicks. But I've just been single so long that I'm so used to being alone. I'm always alone. That was actually the reason I got a cat because I got tired of hanging out by myself all the time. But as awesome as Coach Gordon Bombay was and Major Korben Dallas is, they are not ideal companions. I love them and they love me, but pets are different than humans. I want a human to love me. And that starts with me loving myself. I don't like my life so I have no choice but to change it. Easier said than done. I don't think I can do it. I might as well just give up on life. But I can't do that. I won't do that. I can't find my drive to stay alive if I quit now.

- pookon -
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The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 15 - I Needed a Win

If you've been following along with this Podcast since I started it in late October then you would know that I mostly discuss negative things and sadness. My life has been full of those kinds of things lately so naturally that is all I have had to talk about. If I would have been positive and happy in my life then this podcast wouldn't exist because I would have found my reason to keep living. After so many weeks of working through problems and issues in my life I really needed a win to remind me that good things to happen to good people in life. This was made perfectly clear to me on January 27 at the annual Brewers on Deck event. I'm a believer in Karma, which is the idea that there is a balance in the world and that good things will come to good people and vice versa. Things can't be all bad and they can't be all good. Things have been pretty bad lately and this small thing was enough to pick me up out of the gutter. In the grand scheme of things it was something very small but at the time it was huge, especially since it had to do with the Milwaukee Brewers.

I don't want to spoil the story because I want you to listen to the podcast. That's kind of the whole point of me recording this thing and posting it here. But I do promise you that it is a real feel good kind of story that you will probably directly benefit from at some point during the year. Let's just say that I got rewarded with some things I can share with other people. This episode deals with Karma and the balance of the Universe  and how one will eventually be rewarded as long as they work hard to change their life. Through this podcast I have been trying to make some changes to be a better person and it was nice to finally see it pay off. It is moments like this that make all the suffering and hard times worth it.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Episode 15 - I Needed a Win: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep15.mp3

I have noticed that some more good things have happened in my life lately as soon as I was ready to accept them by letting go of the negativity. Good things happen to good people. Although I don't always make the right choices for the most part I am a good person. Karma will pay me back once I let her do it. And on January 27 at Brewers on Deck, I got paid back in a way which I could have never imagined. It was truly a once in a lifetime experience and it couldn't have come at a better time in my life. I needed this win. And I got it. It gave me a reason to keep on living if only to see what happens next. Who knows what might happen tomorrow?

 - pookon -

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The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 14 - That's a Real Nice Ski Mask

It was real cold outside this Monday morning when I recorded this episode but that's not the reason why I wore a ski mask. I wore it because it was funny. In fact the only reason why I own one was because I thought it was funny. When I was at Goodwill with Jenny we found it and it was only $3 so I decided to buy it. And so far it has been the best $3 I have ever spent in my entire life. The thing is no one really needs a ski mask, not even skiers. They'd be better off wearing a normal hat and goggles. Come to think of it, have you ever seen someone wearing a ski mask that wasn't robbing a bank or a convenience store? No! That's because normal people don't wear ski masks. But I was wearing one today because I'm anything but normal. I have a really good story about it but I'm not going to spoil it in text form. If you want to hear it then you just need to click the play button below or save a copy to listen to whenever you feel like it. And in case you are worried that this episode is as worthless as a ski mask then fear not - I come up with a really good metaphor for the ski mask that will make sense if you are willing to give me an hour of your time. Once a week. Sorry pal but that's kind of what goes on around this joint. This is a Drive to Stay Alive and I need someone to ride shotgun. Are you willing to get in the car with a deranged lunatic? I thought so.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 14 - That's a Real Nice Ski Mask: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep14.mp3

We all wear masks to hide our fears, insecurities and blah blah blah analytic metaphorical "I went to graduate school and I have a Doctorate in Psychology" bullshit that those people tell you. To be quite honest with you I have no idea what they are talking about. Shit, I have no idea what I'm talking about in these podcasts but I'm going to keep on talking until I figure this life out. And that's all part of the drive my friends. Keep on going until it all makes sense. I just hope that I don't run out of gas or my car breaks down. Wait... are we talking about life or driving cars? Now I'm lost. Better stop at the nearest station and ask for directions.

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The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 13 - The Sum of A Life

Obituaries are harder to write than they are to read. That's a given. The purpose of them is to provide information with the most important (and most depressing) news that they have passed. After that there are the facts - their family (parents, siblings, spouse, etc), funeral information and a couple of words about their lives. But how do you sum up a life in a short paragraph? You can't. That's why you continue to keep their memory alive by remembering what they taught you and living your life to the fullest for them, raging for them if you will. You might think I'm talking about Timmy and I kind of am from an experience standpoint. But the thing that brought this episode to fruition was finding out someone I hadn't talked to in nearly 10 years had recently died. I won't get into details but I heard about his passing from a friend and then read the obituary on Facebook. And even though I knew nothing about him over the last decade I couldn't help but marvel at how amazing his life sounded and how much it seemed like he had impacted the people whom he had made contact with during his life. It was just a paragraph but his life summed up in that blip sounded better than mine. I hate to make this about me but hell it's my podcast so I suggest you deal with it. I couldn't help but think that my life has been a waste so far and that I had basically accomplished nothing in 31 years on this planet. I started thinking about what my obituary would contain. I don't think I would like it. And why should I? There would be nothing worth reading in there so you should probably avoid it at all costs. Hopefully you'll never have to read it. Because reading an obituary is a really hard thing to do. But when you do, it makes you think about so many things. And you know, when I think I say them out loud on the Drive to Stay Alive. And you can hear them by clicking below...

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 13 - The Sum of A Life: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep13.mp3

I need to find something to be happy about because I don't know about you, but I'm getting really tired of the depressing shit. But that's life man. I'm in a low place right now and I'm just going to have to dig myself out. That's because no one is going to help me. I've been doing this podcast for over 3 months and have yet to get any feedback from anyone or something as simple as a pat on the back telling me that it's going to be ok. That's because no one wants to listen to me bitching and moaning about my problems. Everyone has problems. Deal with it pal. But it does make me realize that I am the only one that can fix what is wrong with me. So I alone am faced with the task of figuring out the solution. That is the hardest part because I don't even know the answer yet. But I do know that when I figure it all out I'm going to be a hell of a better person for having picked myself up. If only I could just fast forward to that part instead of watching this show play at 1/4th speed. If only it was that easy. But life isn't easy pal. Deal with it.

 - pookon -

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The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 12 - The World Series of Beer Pong... Wait

Beer pong was a pretty big part of my life but I've moved on. My priorities changed when my life changed and I know I made the right decision. But still it feels weird to be home during the first week of January and not out in Nevada for the World Series of Beer Pong. I've been to seven of them beginning in 2006 and ending in 2012. This one (Year VIII) was the 8th incarnation of this International Beer Pong Tournament with a Grand Prize of $50,000. While the money sounds nice there is no way in hell I'd even come close to winning that cash seeing as I haven't made the Day 3 Playoffs since Year II. When I first started this blog in 2005 it was pretty random with content before I decided to start focusing on certain subjects and beer pong was one of them because it was a big part of my life. Those were the glory years of the CHBPL (Cramer House Beer Pong League) where we would play official games once a week and shoot around on the others. All of my friends from the UWM Union were also in league so we hung out every day. This was also the era of June's Blanket and The Godsplash so I was living pretty high and mighty for a few years. And then something happened - I got old.

I graduated from college in 2006 and pretty much stopped playing beer pong outside of some random nights or BBFE. Since all of my friends are right around my age they all graduated too and the league disbanded. But even though we didn't play as much as we used to, we kept on going out to Las Vegas for this event. When the Last Cup movie (which was shot during Year II) came out I became a well known character in the beer pong community and I kept going out there because they treated me like a rockstar. I met a lot of great people out there and it became more about hanging out with friends than playing beer pong. Joey Kanz and Hummel joined me out there for several years but when I realized it was more about having fun than anything else. I was having such a good time blogging and tweeting about what I was doing and then I realized that I didn't need to spend $1,000 to do that. The World Series of Beer Pong is quite expensive and just wasn't worth it if I wasn't getting anything out of it. But still it was weird to not be out there and I took the time on my commute to address it. You can listen by clicking below.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 12 - The World Series of Beer Pong... Wait: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep12.mp3

All things have an expiration date and the beer pong part of my life probably sat on the shelf for a little bit too long. I should have retired years ago but kept on going out there for some odd reason. I guess I just wasn't ready to grow up and move on with my life. But one thing that I realized by not going to the WSoBP is that I wasn't missed. I didn't hear from any of my so called "friends" that they were upset that I wasn't there. That really validated my decision to do more important things with my life then to play beer pong in the dirtiest fucking city in the world. There's more to life than that shit and I'll damn sure keep on trying to figure out what that is. But I do know that life has nothing to do with beer pong. I'm sure about that one. But life still has a lot of mysteries to discover and until I figure them out I'm going to keep driving. And as long as I'm still driving I'm still living.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 11 - Drunk Driving in Vice City

I usually record the Drive to Stay Alive on my way to work on a Monday morning. I was off of work from December 24 - January 2nd (with the exception of December 27th) because our office was shut down. We did have a skeleton crew (not a bunch of skeletons like the Pirates of the Caribbean in the moonlight but a small amount of people) working that week hence the working on December 27th work day. This all is one big intro to explain why I was able to record an episode on Monday December 31st while drunk driving, albeit in a video game. I woke up and didn't have shit to do so I stayed in my pajamas, poured myself a stiff drink and played some Grand Theft Auto: Vice City for old time's sake. I used to play a lot of video games but quit a couple of years ago to focus on writing and playing music. I know I made the right decision. But every now and then it's nice to waste an hour or two in some form of escape from real life. That's why I retreated to Vice City. In this fictional place you can do and get away with so many heinous crimes such as stealing cars, picking up, having sex with and then killing hookers, running over innocent pedestrians and killing cops and then evading the full out manhunt. There are people who do this in real life and it's sick. Those people should be locked up and left to rot. But you should be allowed to live out this fantasy in a make believe setting where no one gets hurt. This is why video games exist.

By taking control of a fictional character and making them do things that are immoral or impossible in the real world allows you to satisfy those urges. I can't speak for everybody but I've dreamed out firing guns and evading the police in a high speed chase. Or bursting into a bank with a ski mask demanding all of the money in the vault. Or having sex with a couple of streetwalkers (the women of the night) and beating them to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat and taking back your money because she refused to do that thing you whispered in her ear. Who hasn't had thoughts like that? But the difference between me and some asshole that is spending life behind bars is that there's something in my head that tells me not to do it in real life. Still both of us are sick bastards. To hear how far Mommy's little Angel has fallen listen below as I do a bit of drunk driving in Vice City.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive - Ep 11 - Drunk Driving in Vice City so that you can listen to it whenever you feel like it: http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dtsa-ep11.mp3

This was a departure from the norm in some sense and it was really difficult to record while driving drunk on the video game. I guess that's why I don't do that in real life. There's a lot of things that I did during this episode that I'm glad that I didn't do in real life.Things we probably should never mention again. Although I hate going to work 5 days a week at least it gives me a reason to leave the house and not sit around wasting my life being wasted. I still haven't found my drive to stay alive but today I took another big step - I realized what I don't want to do with my life. And that's to sit around and waste it away by being a detriment to myself and to society. As for my purpose? Well I suppose we'll continue that search next week.

 - pookon -

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