The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 22 - It's the Holiday Season and Whoop-Dee-Doo

I realized that I haven't recorded an episode of this podcast since August. I guess I really didn't have anything to say. Well that's not true. There's always something to say. I suppose I should clarify that there has been nothing worth saying. Nothing has changed. There are no really happy times in my life and no real sad ones. I guess I just had an average couple of months. I decided that I might as well try and recap the past few months with a new episode, which I recorded a few days before Christmas. In this episode I once again talk about my disdain for the holiday season, how I tried and failed at Movember (here's what I wrote about my optimism at the beginning of the month and my pessimistic admittance to failure at the end), my hate for the yearly Christmas Letter and lack of life moments, what my final words will be when I'm on my deathbed, my driving habits/philosophies, 10-year Confirmation Reunions, driving in the snow and whatever random thoughts populate into my brain as I was driving on that Winter's day.

Right click and Save As to download a copy of The Drive to Stay Alive Ep. 22 - It's the Holiday Season and Whoop-Dee-Doo: http://pookon.com/music/dtsa-ep22.mp3

The drive home ended being a little rougher than I anticipated thanks to the snow, which made it more ridiculous that I was talking into a little black box and telling it the story of my life. If I would have died in a fiery crash and my recording device was the only thing that survived, someone could have had a field day with this episode. I sound like such a pussy complaining about 1st World Problems and how much my life sucks when I brought all this shit on myself. I had been on a 6-week bender at this point and fresh off of a failure Movember when I promised to better my life. What did you expect me to talk about - faeries, moonbeams and unicorns? Happiness, good times and the unbroken spirit of the human race? NO! I was depressed. So I talked about depressing shit. Sorry. That's life. It changes every single day. This episode is merely a capture of one particular day in the life. And for me, life is usually pretty rough around the Holidays. We'll see what happens next time.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Movember - I Mustache You A Question

The month of November (Movember) has come to a close, so I mustache myself a question - what did I accomplish? In my eyes it was a complete and total failure. If the goal was to grow a mustache then I failed miserably with this pathetic attempt at upper lip facial hair. You can barely see it unless you come within kissing distance (and trust me, nobody does) and it barely shows up on film unless you get up close and personal (which no one wants to do). I had to do 5 or 6 different "selfies" before one worked out. The other ones ran for the hills which is what you probably did when you realized I didn't have my shirt on. Don't make me go topless. You wouldn't like me... when I'm topless. My other goal was to better my health through diet and exercise. I still drink alcohol like it is the cure for loneliness and I put more sweets into my body than Googy Gress does on an average Sunday. And exercise? I avoid that like I avoid contact with the opposite sex. Why do I fear working out? Why am I afraid of bettering myself so that I can live longer, create new memories and finally make a positive impact on this World? Why have I become so complacent with being that fat ugly bastard when there is a beautiful person inside of me waiting to come out and show himself to the World? Why is he inside of me? Did I eat him? Probably. I'll eat anything. Except for mushrooms and chocolate cake. There are some things I will say no to believe it or not. I'm in the same place that I was on November 1st. Nothing has changed. 

I vowed to change my mental health as well, and as you can read both between and on the lines, it's still pretty bad. I don't believe in myself and constantly beat myself with a stick until I bleed. I've sunken so far to the depths of the sea that not even James Cameron could raise me up like the Titanic. I wish I could just be happy like all of you normies. There's something in my head that prevents me from having... what's that called again... confidence? I'll shoot myself down nonstop but I'm never there to pick myself back up. It's like a double-edged sword. Cut on the first swing and then stabbed on the way back. I'm left bleeding out on the ground in a puddle of my own misery. It's all my fault too. I was wielding the sword. It was a self inflected wound. I need to learn how to stop cutting myself. Only then can I start to heal. Another goal was to raise some money for men's health issues like prostate and testicular cancer research. I donated $50 of my own money which is good I guess, since that is $50 more than they would have had if I wasn't involved. But I didn't campaign or try and raise money for this noble cause. I didn't even post anything on Facebook or Twitter to engage my followers to join me in my efforts. I didn't even try to raise money. I'm sure that my family, my close friends or even a stranger or two would have tossed me a couple of bucks. Even if someone other than me gave as little as $1 I could have done some good with that. But instead I did nothing. You really can't do anything worse than doing nothing at all.

I wish I could say that this was the most disappointed with myself that I've ever been. Slow down pal. There are so many to chose from that this doesn't even make the Top 10. I was destined to fail. In some ways it's just another chapter in a failure of a life. I was given so much but I decided to throw it all away in several senseless acts. I've had countless chances to redeem myself yet I have chosen just to sink myself further and further below the surface. I wish I could say I was sick of being a complete butthead and a total loser. But I'm not even close. In many ways I'm still a success and I will not stop until I've completely destroyed my life. I'm getting close. I can see it now. You probably could paint the picture with all of the colors I've given you, but you still don't have the whole palette. I'm more pathetic than you can ever imagine. I don't even know why I still try. Luckily there are a few reasons preventing me from quitting and giving up on life, but who knows how long that will last. The tunnel is getting darker as I move along, the glass is less than half full and I'm also running out of analogies here. Fuck it. I'm sick of talking about it. You all have so many better things to do with you lives than to give a shit about mine. I don't care so why should you? I'm so done with this. I'm sorry for wasting your time. Enjoy your life. I hope you figured it out because I'm stuck.

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman

Movember - Movement of the People

I decided to join the Movember Movement. This idea came into my mind somewhere around October 20th when my brother James was in town. He's been one of the loyal readers of this blog and we had a very meaningful and deep conversation in the precious moments we were able to spend together. Life has thrown us a few curve balls and both of us have reacted differently. I'm very open and honest with my feelings through various mediums while he only shares his feelings with those close to him. I don't have a problem with that. To each their own. We all deal with things differently. There is no right or wrong, only Zuul. One thing that my big brother wants for me is to be happy, and he is concerned for my physical and mental well being. If you've read everything that I've written during October as part of the Pickle the Day experiment, you should be worried too. My life is kind of  a mess. But that doesn't mean that it has to be. I've had a plan to turn my life around. I've had this plan for a very long time. It is well thought out and has a simple step-by-step process to follow in order to get me to be Living the Dream instead of just #LivingTheDream. Trust me, it makes sense. He asked me why I haven't started this plan yet. I told him that I needed two things - a goal and a push. I have that goal now. It will be revealed at the end of the month. Sorry again for the tease. And here is the push - Movember.

For the last 13 days or so, I've had a plan to better my mental and physical health. I decided that November would be a perfect time to do this. During this month I pledge to do a few things and the first of which is to take better care of my body by regulating what goes into it. This means eating less, eating the right kinds of foods, consuming less alcohol and sugary drinks, taking vitamins and drinking more water. For this month I'm going to do my best to stay away from things like candy, snack foods, fast food, soda or anything that is unnecessary for the body to survive. I'm not going to say that I can completely do without it. That's impossible. I'm human. And a fat human at that. It'd be like a monkey going without bananas. Moderation is the key. I need to be smart about it. I need to understand that I'm not perfect and I'm probably going to screw this up at some point. But I must be smart about it. I must think before I do and stay true to my promise. I am capable of doing anything that I put my mind to. It's amazing what you can achieve when you want something so bad. I want to be healthy in body and in spirit. I want to be like you. I want to be one of the normies.

Exercise is the next step. I don't do it nearly enough. There's some kind of number that is floated out there of recommended amount per day but I'm going to ignore that. Why? Because I know what I can and can't do. Look, walking for longer than a few minutes makes me tired and out of breath. How am I supposed to handle 45 minutes of brisk movement? I'll start small and increase it from there if I know I can handle it. My goal is to exercise in some way for 30 minutes per day to start off. Any kind of movement will do. I sit at a desk for 8+ hours a day and when that is done I go home and sit at my computer. This lack of movement is literally killing me as we speak. I don't have to do a lot but I have to do something. I've tried to go to the gym before. I'm one of those suckers that pays a monthly fitness membership but never goes to work out. You know how much money I spend on that shit? I need to stop wasting money and taking advantage of those opportunities. This is for the greater good after all. The world is a better place with Scott "Iceman" Reck living in it, and I should stick around for a while and try to realize that.

My mental health is the 3rd thing that I need to work on. I have to start thinking positively and not feel like a worthless piece of shit. I'm a great person who is helpful, has a good heart and mind and has plenty of wonderful things to share with the world. I'm funny, creative, kind and loving. I'm not the asshole that I paint myself out to be. I am a positive and worthwhile part of the lives of the people who exist around me. I'm lucky to be a part of their journey and they are lucky to have me be a part of theirs. Life is a beautiful thing. Every day that we wake up we are given a chance to write another chapter in our story. We are given the chance to turn it all around. To make up for the wrongs that we may have done and to better ourselves going forward. We only get one shot at life. For the most part I think that I've wasted 32 years. Sure, there's been some pretty sweet things along the way (how many people do you know that have been the star of a documentary?) but my life has been nowhere near what I expected. So it's time to at least put myself in a position to live up to those expectations. It's time to chase some dreams. It's time to work towards some goals. It's time to start living. It's time to move on. It's time to get going. What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing. But under my feet baby, the grass is growing. It's time to move on. It's time to get going.

And now we get to the Movember part. I didn't intend for it to be a factor. I was already planning on making November a health month for myself, but then I decided that as long as I was going to help myself, why not try and help other people as well? If you aren't familiar with Movember, here is some information from their website: 

Campaign Strategy & Goals:

We will get men to grow moustaches and the community to support them by creating an innovative, fun and engaging annual Movember campaign that results in:

• Funds for men's health program investment

• Conversations about men's health that lead to:

- Greater awareness and understanding of the health risks men face

- Men taking action to remain well

- When men are sick they know what to do and take action

Program Goals:

Living with and Beyond Cancer

Men living with prostate or testicular cancer have the care needed to be physically and mentally well.

Staying Mentally Healthy, Living with and Beyond Mental Illness

• Men are mentally healthy and take action to remain well

• When men experience mental illness they take action early

• Men are not treated differently when they experience a mental illness

Men's Health Research

We will fund innovative research that builds powerful, collaborative teams that accelerate:

• Improved clinical tests and treatments for prostate and testicular cancer

• Improved physical and mental health outcomes for men

So yeah, I'm clean shaven today (November 1st as I was writing this) and I'm going to be growing a mustache for the entire month. I promise you that this is going to get weird. I might have to steer clear of schools, day cares and toy stores because I'm going to look the part. I have a hard enough time growing a decent beard or goatee, so a mustache has always been out of the question. But it is for a good cause, not just for myself but for all mankind. Cancer is very real and very scary. I pray to God I never know that first hand. I'm all for giving what little money I have to help us figure out a way to at least help people deal with this life changing illness and hopefully someday figure out a way to cure it. It's a dream worth fighting for. With every day that goes by we learn more about the human body and the World in which we live in. I'm not necessarily for playing God or going against God's will (I'm a believer in that God decides when it is our time to die) but why should we have to suffer if we don't have to? People weren't meant to live lives in pain and in sickness. We are supposed to be happy and filled with joy. We are meant to be free. I'm all for that.

I realize that this is a lot to take in. This is what happens to me at 3 in the morning when I can't sleep. While you're off counting sheep or having Adventures in Slumberland with Little Nemo, I'm sitting awake and coming up with all these crazy ideas. But are they really so crazy? Many people all over the World do things like this, so I know I'm not alone here. If you want to join my cause, I encourage you to do so at my Movember page. Here is the address:

http://us.movember.com/mospace/8200465

If you don't feel comfortable putting in your credit card online or only want to contribute couch change or a couple of bucks, just toss it my way the next time you see me and I will add it online. And if all you want to do is offer some support to me for my efforts to better my physical and mental health, you can do that as well. I'm not asking for anything. I already have the love and support of countless family and friends who help me out on a daily basis. And I understand that money is tight. I have student loans that I will never pay off even if I keep working until the day that I die. I get it. But I'm also not going to stop you if you want to support a good cause. It's your life. You get to choose what you want to do with it. That's one of the greatest things about it. I have decided to try something new. I have no idea what will happen, but I'm willing to take the risk. What's the worst that could happen? I stand nothing to lose here. Well, unless you count looking like a creeper with a goofy mustache losing. I don't even know how I come up with this stuff. My mind is a twisted place. But if even a little bit of good comes out of this crazy idea, then it isn't so crazy, right?

 - pookon -

www.pookon.com
https://twitter.com/pookondotcom
https://www.facebook.com/MilwaukeeIceman