Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 5)

Beer Pong on the Rocks
By: Iceman
Week 5 – “I think were alone now. There doesn’t seem to be anyone around. I think were alone now. The hitting of the cups is the only sound.”

It’s all happening. This article is a think piece about a mid-level team struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom. We’ll get to that later, but for now I want to talk about beer pong atmosphere. When and where you play beer pong can significantly alter your game play. There’s a world of difference between playing on a league night vs. any other night of the week. So was the case in week 5 when Joey Kanz and I took on Donny and Gev of team Starsky and Clutch. We were facing some stiff competition, for I had heard from Skemp and Keith that Donny was dynamite on their home table. Although this was his first season, Gev has proven himself in the past to be a stellar player in a substitute role. We had learned from our match against Anthony and Dave not to look too deeply into stats, for the only thing that mattered was your game play in that given night. That’s why you have to take beer pong one game at a time.
In order to beat the team we were playing against this week (in this case Donny and Gev) we had to treat it like our most important game of the season. We had to play on Thursday night because one of them could not make it Friday, and that may have helped us secure the victory. It helped us that there was no one around (aside from the house residents) to cheer against us. I don’t need anyone cheering for me to perform well; my inner voice takes care of that. I also have the greatest cheerleader in Joey Kanz at my side. His game play gives me all of the confidence that I need to play my best.

Since the majority of you missed our game, here’s what you missed. We beat them in game 1 and everyone on the table shot well. Game 2 started with Donny and Gev going 7 for 7, but then they lost by 2-3 cups because the game is not over until the kill shot is hit. Once we combined them, we must have only missed 1 shot as a team and finished with high shooting percentages. Over 2 games, I shot 54.55, Kanz shot 66.67 and we split the kills. This was the first time that we had both shot over 50% in the same week, and Joey Kanz – your shot…was incendiary.

The atmosphere changes the way that you play because you adapt to your surrounding and respond to the environment. Have you ever noticed that sometimes you shoot lights-out in exhibition but then bottom-out in league play? It’s because in exhibition there is nothing at stake. You might say that pride is at stake, and the winner stays on the table rule makes you want to win if you want to keep playing, but I don’t believe in any of that new-age hooey. If you do lose, there’s always room on the sign-up sheet, no matter how long it is. There’s always another night, there’s always another table to play on, and although there’s no time for love, there’s always more time for beer pong Dr. Jones. When we played on Thursday before a handful of people, it seemed like the pressure we brought upon ourselves was gone, and we were able to play our own style of beer pong. When we are truly allowed to play our game, we cannot be beaten. Friday night is a whole different story because everyone in league is there (with a few exceptions of course) and everyone knows how you performed that night. If you’re expected to do well, you don’t want to let everyone down by playing poorly. Sometimes you over think and rush your shot, and that is when you cease to play your style of beer pong and start to play somebody else’s game. You are the only person who can control your own game on any given night, and it is up to you to live up to your own expectations. Screw what everyone else has to say, just go out there and make sure you are satisfied with what you have done on the table.

I’m going to take a moment to talk about the 1st World Series of Beer Pong. The atmosphere there was so much different than anywhere I have ever played. First off, we played inside of a convention center and up to 16 tables were going at the same time. Because I wasn’t the only one playing, I knew that there weren’t too many eyes watching and critiquing my performance. We made it quite obvious that we were from Milwaukee, but no one really knew anything about who I was or how I played on the table. Day 1 came and went and I still was just another face in the crowd. On Day 2, Fresno Chris and I started playing like true Milwaukee Beer pongers – we kicked some major ass. Our 6-0 showing on day 2 brought us more attention than I was ready for, and the bright spotlight upon me cause me to shy away and search for a dark corner. I’m ready to admit it now; I fell apart in the WSoBP playoffs because I let the pressure get to me. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone who believed in me that they had backed the right horse, and to also show everyone who doubted me that they were wrong. As soon as the attention began to focus on me, the entire atmosphere changed and my game had changed with it. The slight change in atmosphere altered my performance. If you take anything away from this, take this lesson with you – you are the only one who has control over what you do on the beer pong table. You and only you are to blame for your performance, be it good or bad. Every time that you go out there, play the best that you can and you will always be satisfied. If you shoot 75% and lose to someone who shot 80%, it really sucks, but you did the best you could. You got beat by someone who was better. Take solace in the fact that you were in control of your own destiny, and go out there and do it again next time. Remember – in beer pong you can do or do not; there is no try.

If you’re good at beer pong, you’re going to have friends like crazy, but they’re gonna be fake friends. You cannot make friends with these people. They’re gonna try and corrupt you. They are going to ruin beer pong and strangle everything we love about it. They are trying to buy respectability for a form that is gloriously and righteously dumb. The day that beer pong ceases to be dumb is the day that it ceases to be real. And then it just becomes an industry of cool. We’re coming along at a very dangerous time in beer pong. I think that you should just turn around and play something else, like connect four, but I can tell from your face that you won’t. You have to make your reputation on being honest and unmerciful. And just remember, if anyone makes fun of you for caring so much about this game and making it your lifestyle, you’ll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

Some people have a hard time explaining beer pong, really explaining beer pong. That’s ok, because beer pong is a lifestyle and a way of thinking. And it’s not about money and popularity, although some money would be nice. It’s a voice that says, “here I am, and fuck you if you can’t understand me.” One of these people is gonna save the world; and that means that beer pong can save the world. And the chicks are great. What it all comes down to is that thing, the indefinable thing when people catch something from your beer pong playing. What I’m talking about is the buzz. And the chicks, the whatever, is an offshoot from the buzz. You saying that you like Balkman’s quick shot kill? That is the fucking buzz!

On the whole, I’d say most of the fuck-ups in the world come from the brain, not the instincts. My whole thing is to try and make my brain go away, but I can’t, except on the beer pong table. The brain should be a softening influence on the instincts, but the instincts should drive. Trying to reconcile the brain with urges that come out of millions of years ago, the way the brain interprets these instincts, is a heavy trip. Usually I’m brain, and Kanz is instincts. But on the days when we’re both instinct, that’s when we’ve played the beer pong people know best, because…it’s the best. Show me any guy who ever said he didn’t want to be popular, and I’ll show you a scared guy. I’ve studied every player in beer pong; most of the time the best stuff is the popular stuff. It’s much safer to say popularity sucks, because that allows you to forgive yourself if you suck. And I don’t forgive myself, do you?

Someone once told me that I am too sweet for beer pong. Where do they get off? Where do they get sweet? I am dark and mysterious and pissed off. And I could be very dangerous to all of you. I am not sweet. And you should know that about me. I AM THE ENEMY!!!

You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong. They make you feel cool. And hey, I met you. You are not cool. We're uncool. And while beer pong will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their beer pong skill never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter. Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start. The only true currency in this bankrupt world if what we share with someone else when we're uncool. My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful

I always tell my friends to never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you step up to the beer pong table and visit your friends (the beer cups).

So what do I love about beer pong? To begin with, everything…
It’s all happening…

Iceman’s lesson of the week – You have to take beer pong one game at a time. Every game you play should be treated like your most important game ever. After you get past that game, then you can worry about the upcoming one. Failure to do so will warrant unwanted results. I know over the course of the season I have been giving away too much in my lessons, but I feel that the time is right to dispense this knowledge. You know how I play my game, and you can either apply it to you own game or use it against me. The choice is entirely yours, and I hope you make the right decision.

You what really grinds my gears? – putting on one hell of a show and no one shows up to watch it. I’m sure that everyone by now realizes that I am a consistent beer pong player, and I will produce everything that I advertise to do. Stop watching me; I’ve done all that I can for this game. You need to pay attention to Joey Kanz and watch him light up the table and make cups. This kid is unbelievable, and he’s not even old enough to legally drink! You can say that about a few other people (Mike Roberts and Christian come to mind) but neither of them has done what he has done in his rookie year. I don’t mean this to be condescending, but Mike Roberts shot 37.17% in his rookie season, and Christian shot 43.35%. Joey Kanz finished his rookie year at 53.69%. Although this is the week 5 article, the season is already over; I have the knowledge base to make these claims. This marks the first time that lateness and procrastination has worked in my favor.

Iceman’s shout-outs –

Cameron Crowe – for letting me “borrow” quotes and lines from Almost Famous, even though you have no idea that I did use them. I did it as an homage and I never intended it to be otherwise. I love your movie and I count it as one of my top 5 of all time. Your writing style and characters have inspired me, and I am moved every time I watch it.

Donny and Gev – for playing one hell of a game. Balkman picked you guys to win in three games in his week 5 Bracket Buster Breakdown article, and I honestly believe that if we had gone to game 3, you would have. After a tough game 1 loss, you came out shooting 7 for 7 in game 2, only to have us rally back and beat you. I knew it was a tough loss for you guys, but understand that we had to pull off a miracle to beat you. You really had me scared that neither of you would miss in game 2, and I was ready to trash game 2 and prepare for game 3. Thankfully I didn’t have to make that decision, and I wish you all the best in the playoffs unless you happen to play against Kanz and I. Good luck.

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time. Until then -

You can tell Rolling Stone Magazine that my last words were, “I’m on drugs!!”
Well, I think that I should work on those last words, so I’ll say, “I dig music…”
No? “I’m on drugs!!!!”
– Iceman –
www.pookon.com

Monday, November 06, 2006

Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 4)

Beer Pong on the Rocks
By: Iceman

Week 4 – “I'd be tender, I'd be gentle, and awful sentimental, regarding love and art.
I'd be friends with the sparrows ... and the boy who shoots the arrows
If I only had a heart.”

Someone always steals my thunder. That’s the story of my life. Every time that I come up with an original idea, it always turns out that someone has already done it and I come off as nothing but a cheap imitation. That was about to change in week 4 when I told my partner Joey Kanz that the most important element in beer pong is heart. You gotta have heart of you ever expect to win at beer pong. The Tin Man feels hollow and goes on a quest to find it. What he realized in the end was that he had heart all along and he just needed to look in the right place. I can’t be mad at Joey Kanz for taking my best ideas (although he did credit me for my statement in his week 3 rookie diary article when he prematurely gave away my week 4 lesson.) You can never expect to win if your heart is not in the game. My biggest problem this season was the fact that I no longer was excited to play the game. I had lost my love for beer pong. When Friday night rolls around, I head to the beer pong house to step up to the table out of pure habit; this is what I have known to be reality over the last 2 years of my life. My life has not been without beer pong since I was a 20-year-old sophomore at UWM and a rookie in the Dining Services department of the Union.
You all know the history of our humble beginnings, but I’ll tell you a little bit of my perspective of this league. I had first heard about an organized beer pong league shortly after I had started working at the Union, but did not want to give up my Friday nights for a silly little drinking game. That now is on my list of regrets, as I did not play in the 1st season, yet I was there every Friday nights to hang out and watch every game. I am thankful to have been there since the beginning, but I cannot say that I was a part of the league when it was in its infancy. That is one of the reasons why I still play today because I feel like I still have enough to offer the members of this league.
When season 7 began, I was in the league simply because I wanted to give a rookie (Joey Kanz) the opportunity to play competitive beer pong and to interact with other people who loved the game as much as he did. I saw a lot of myself in him. I knew that without me, he would not be allowed to play in this league because he didn’t have any connections. This once again proves that it is not what you know, but rather whom you know. It was my duty as a veteran to allow someone to experience to pure joy of playing competitive pong. Heh heh, duty. Although I am old, I can still laugh at unintentionally funny words like the penal system, insert, extend and titular. I’ll never be too grown up to not crack a smile whenever those words are mentioned. Funny as it may sound, it all comes back to having heart.
Although sometimes I felt like I had given up on beer pong, I always found out that beer pong had never given up on me. There comes a time in one’s life when you have to grow up and let go of all of the silly childish things (beer pong) that have hindered you from being a member of “cultured” society. I felt like that time was now, but then I remembered how fun this game is and how much I enjoy playing, and beer pong is there waiting for me to play. We don’t choose our lives, our lives choose us, and that is why I still play after 5 seasons and why I will still be there for the World Series of Beer Pong II, Season 8, and the World Series of Beer Pong III. That’s right, you heard it right here ladies and gentlemen. Regardless of the outcome of this season, I will be back in Spring 2007 to once again play my little heart out on the plywood. And for those of you heading out to Mesquite, Nevada for the 1
st time in January 2007 and January 2008 – guess who will be behind you during you matches cheering you on – me. That’s right, the Iceman will be there to give you moral and emotional support as you crush the competition that has come from around the globe with the sole purpose of defeating you. We’re not going to let that happen because everyone from Milwaukee has your back, and no one will represent for you like I will. And that you can print in Rolling Stone Magazine!
Sometimes your heart can get you into a little trouble. Before you start worrying that I’m going to pour out my emotions to you, I’m going to keep it all about beer pong. I think that it goes without saying that I’ve made a lot of friends in this league, and the hardest thing about Friday nights is the fact that I may have to play against one of my friends and take a victory away from them. That’s pretty easy to do usually because I’d rather have a victory for my team instead of making another person feel better about themselves. As they say, all’s fair in love and beer pong. The hardest part is when four of my really good friends face off across the table from each other and I have to choose who I’d rather see win. It’s true that you can try to root for both sides, but that rarely goes as planned. You tend to cheer louder or more often for one rather than the other and people’s feelings get hurt. The reason that I point this out is because I am sorry if I ever broke your heart by cheering against you. In week 4 I noticed this when Roberts and Erin played against the Joshes. I feel as though I root against Roberts more than I do for him, so next time I’ll promise to root for him.


Iceman’s lesson of the week – you gotta have heart if you expect to win in beer pong. If heart isn’t enough to guarantee a victory, then I suggest a dose of practice as well. Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription… is more heart! I gotta have more heart!

You know what really grinds my gears? – people who doubted me. I know that there are some of you out there who picked me to fail this year. Shame on you. I know that I’m old and quite possible past my prime, but I still have the potential to turn it up when I have to. In week 4, I shot a dead 60%. While some of you may scoff at that number and say that a blind monkey could do that while sipping espresso, I think that that is quite admirable regardless of your tenure in the league. Guess what everyone – I still got it. I still have enough heart to break out and kick some ass on the table. I sure hope that you don’t line up cross-court from me when I possess enough heart to sweep over a love-starved third-world country. Heart will trump skill any day.

Iceman's shout-outs -

Keith - fir giving me the best one-liner of the night. We played a little exhibition together, and Keith and I were discussing missing just one shot. I told him that I only had missed one shot, and without hesitation, he replied, “It was a big shot!” For those of you who are unfamiliar with the movie reference, this comes from Meet the Parents when Larry Banks (James Rebhorn) insults Greg Focker’s (Ben Stiller) water volleyball performance. It was totally unexpected and I’m glad that I have devoted my life to watching movies so that I could see the humor in his statement.

Sailor Jerry – for helping me to relax and for giving me the confidence that I needed to take home a victory in week 4. It’s always an adventure when we go out sailing.

Balkman – for having the biggest heart of almost anyone I know. Ever since I started working for you in the Terrace, I’ve referred to you as the Heart (Aris is the Brains) and both work in order to keep everything functioning properly. I don’t want to sound gay or anything, but I cannot count how many times you have cheered me up with a hug, whispered sweet reassuring comments into my ear, said you loved me and actually meant it and made me feel lucky to be your friend. You’ve always been there for me Mr. Balkman, and I value all of the time we spend together. I know that everyone is jealous (especially Josh Hansen and Matthew Overby) that I get to hang out with Balkman all day long. In case you were wondering, it rocks.

Spencer/Dan – upon meeting you guys before our match, you told me that you had heard of me and my presence in the league. Normally that would have put a little pressure on me but I have learned that this is a sign of respect and that you would continue to think the same of me if I didn’t play up to your expectations. After the game, you were really cool about your loss, and I commend you on how you both handle the game and its many twists and turns. Well done sirs, and I wish you luck on the rest of the season.

Joey Kanz – even though you stole my idea I can’t be mad because it shows that you were listening to me. When I started teaching you everything that I knew about beer pong, I never expected you to actually listen to and follow my examples. I know that you have experienced so much in beer pong in a little period of time, but I feel like there are some things about this game that I need to tell you and in some way, pass them on to the next generation. When you get to be my age, you’ll realize how cool it is that someone actually cares about what I have to say. You really have made me proud to be your partner this season.

I really should be more prompt in writing these articles because I know that I am always missing out on something. Week 5 has already come and gone while I am still putting the finishing touches on week 4, so I apologize if I missed anything important.

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time.

Until then –
I’m the teacher, man, you’re the student.
Close your ears if you feel you’re prudent
And can’t deal with the lyrics I’m steppin’ with
But they’re the lines the people are gettin’ with
A lesson well taught, here’s some more advice
I don’t sweat it on the mic
’cause I’m cool as ice.
- Iceman -
www.pookon.com