1988 called, it wants its program back

The reasoning of my rant is this: I want to bitch and moan about my program that I use on a daily basis at work and the limitations that it offers. Basically, it is two colored (white on blue background) just like a computer that we had when I lived on 56th street when I was 8 years old. That computer had two colors - black screen with green writing. The graphics were extremely basic, but it was good enough for playing Tank Wars and Oregon Trail. That was 1988, this is 2008. You'd think that it 20 years they could have developed a program that isn't monochromatic. The functionality is limited, and the text is very retro, but not in a cool retro kind of way. It times out all of the time, and it doesn't offer pictures or Internet links. If it was the 20th Century, then this program would be King of the World.

The trouble is that it is not the 20th Century, and the World has been forever changed since Al Gore invented the Internet. The program we switched into last week is....gasp!....Internet based! Who would've thought that we could use the Internet to our advantage? Certainly not our company! There are tons of things that our company does that keeps us firmly rooted in the old days, but I can't be terribly specific due to the fact that I need to continue to pick up a pay check every two weeks so that I can stay connected to my precious Internet. I'm trying to be a little bit discreet, because I've heard stories of people getting in trouble with the law and their jobs for because of stuff posted on Facebook. I've got this blog link on Facebook, as well as on my website. I've seen the numbers, and I know that no one comes here to read this shit, but that doesn't mean that someday (like if I suddenly get famous) that someone will come on here and see this and I get in trouble. That is why discretion is key to my rants.

Beating around the bush, dancing around the issues, and putting a spin on things to ensure a good public image have never been my strong point, which (aside from the fact that I need to be inebriated to write a witty and insightful article) was the reason that I gave up on Journalism. In Journalism, it is important to always need to come off as a professional and have an unbiased opinion. I am almost the complete opposite of professional and unbiased. I'm sick and tired of pretending that technology hasn't advanced, and staying rooted in 1988 when I'm at work. The second I leave, I'm on my cellphone talking to someone across the country, accessing WiFi Internet on my iPod so I can tell them what the weather is like were they live. It's obvious that 1988 has come and gone, and as soon as people at my company realize that, I guess it won't give me anything to bitch about, which is always a good thing.

But then again, if it weren't for bitching, then I guess I wouldn't have anything to say on here. My Mom always told me that if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. I believe that living life by that statement would regulate to me talking 3 times a year - 4 tops. I love to complain, but I have yet to know if you care or not. If you want to bitch at me, then certainly feel free to do so in the comment section. If anything, you'll give me some fuel for my fire so that I retort with a blog post bitching about you. Cause that's all we really want anyway - to complete the circle of life. The Lion King ain't got shit on me.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

F^*k Las Vegas

Now don't get me wrong, I love drinking, gambling, naked women, sin, lies, deceit and all of the other magical things that make Las Vegas the happiest place on Earth, but f^*k Las Vegas. F^*k it right in the ear. I know that it sounds a little graphic and vile, but who reads this blog anyway? Now that my Google ads privileges have been revoked (which is a different story for a different day) I should no longer have forced traffic on this site. I call it forced traffic because I have been using rather extreme measures of force to get people to visit my website and blog so that my ad revenue, page views, and statistics increase. I have falsely gained readership, but once again that is a different story altogether. Basically, I'm implying that nobody reads this shit so I can say whatever the f^*k I want.

My whole reasoning by saying f^*k Las Vegas is because I'm sick of it. At my current job (name withheld due to content of this article) I talk about it every single day to people from all over the country. People who can't afford to go to Las Vegas are trying to go to Las Vegas to lose money that they can't afford to lose. Makes sense, right? People are so ridiculously cheap that they get pissed off when things cost a lot. Hello morons! It's 2008, shit costs money. Deal with it. If you aren't paying your rent or sending your kids off to school with proper winter attire, you shouldn't be gambling and drinking your money away. Go take care of your kids before they rob me in 5 years. I'm sick and tired of that filthy town, and aside from the World Series of Beer Pong (which is held in Las Vegas by default because they really is no other city in the country that could host an event like this) I will never go back. Especially since last time I was there, I saw people dragging their kids around. KIDS!! IN VEGAS!! What the hell are the kids going to do while Daddy is sleeping with prostitutes and gambling away their college tuition? I know, Las Vegas is trying to promote itself as family friendly and incorporating events for the whole family into their repertoire, but this city was built on whores and money, and it will always be that way. What the hell is the matter with these people?

When I was a kid, my parents took me to Washington D.C. to see the monuments, to go the Smithsonian Museum and the Holocaust Memorial. I learned a ton of things at those places. I've been to the Grand Canyon and Mount Rushmore. I've been to NASA in Florida. Those places were fun for me, but they were also educational. My parents also took me to Disney World, Universal Studios, Noah's Ark in Wisconsin Dells, and various other places. But we never, never ever, never ever ever would have gone to a place like Las Vegas. My Mom had too much sense than to take us to hell on Earth when we were kids. My parents waited until we were old enough to access internet porn and have friends with fake IDs buy us booze to be corrupted. We didn't need to be prematurely corrupted. When it was time to find our friend's dad's Playboy stash, smoke our first cigar, and steal Dad's beer, it was our time. Think how much worse I would have been if I would have been corrupted at an earlier age. I could be in jail or dead. Which is much worse than my current situation right now (duh.)

Basically, I feel that it is an abomination that cheap people talk to me about Las Vegas and then take their kids there. But who the hell cares what I think? Obviously you do, because you have successfully made it to the bottom of this tirade. I'm better off for waiting until I was 20 to go to Las Vegas, and although I have been back several times since, I vow never to return unless extenuating circumstances (such as the World Series of Beer Pong) bring me back. I've got plenty of other places to go visit that don't sully my soul and prohibit me from entering the pearly gates of Heaven.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

The Absence of a Dream

I had a conversation with who I think was my Guardian Angel. No, I wasn't drunk or fast asleep, I was awake and sober, and I was at work talking on the phone. At my job, I do nothing but talk to people all day from around the country. One day, Richard from Kene, NH called me up and talked to me for over an hour, and absolutely none of it had to do with his vacation reservation. He asked me about my life, my opinion on God, what career goals I had - it was all some real philosophical shit. I mostly listened to him babble on (he revealed that he had been drinking heavily, and it was only 12:30 pm Eastern time, which is why I know he had the potential to be my Guardian Angel) but I did get to stick a couple words in there. He asked a question that baffled me, and to be honest with you, I didn't really have an answer.

His question was: What is your dream?

My answer was: I don't know.

I at least kept it a bit ambiguous so that I didn't have to tell him that I didn't have one. Basically speaking, there is no reason for me to keep on living. There's no goal I'm working towards, there's nothing monumental that I want to accomplish before I die, and there's really no purpose in my life. He wouldn't allow me to get by with out revealing my dream. I don't know just wouldn't do it it for this man. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really don't have one. For the sake of the conversation, I made one up.

It was this - my dream is become a professional Beer Pong player. I want my life to follow the same path as Coop and Reimer in the movie Baseketball and move from the basement/attic and into the stadiums and hearts of America. I want to become famous and get paid to do something that I love to do. Sure, my sport may end up killing me someday, but wouldn't it be sweet to go out in the championship game after hitting a kill shot? My body may expire, but my status as a legend will never die. That was the best that I could come up with.

When I got off the phone it got me thinking. I really don't have any long term goals or dreams. I wake up every day and do the same G-Damn thing. My life has become monotonous and scripted. That's what working a steady schedule will do to you I guess. But it shouldn't be like that. Whatever happened to my inner child (J.P. from Angels in the Outfield - yes my inner child is a African-American foster child) who used to always say, "hey, it could happen!" I used to believe that anything could happen, but then something did happen - I grew up and met reality. There still is a bit of flexibility, because if you work hard and don't take no for an answer, you really can accomplish almost anything. I've never been a hard worker, so I just kind of accept what's going on and deal with it. My mindset has never allowed me to dream or set long term goals, which is why I didn't have an answer then and I don't have an answer right now.

I guess it's rough that there is nothing that I am working towards, but I am too short term orientated to think beyond a few months. I personally love to just do whatever I want and make things up as I go along. If I plan my life out in advance and set goals, I will always be working towards achieving something and will not allow myself to get off track. I don't know if you've ever stumbled off of the path, but some of the most memorable things that I have have ever done and seen have come along by accident. I like to be able to chose and not have any extraneous factors influence my decision. I try to be free to do whatever I want, but even now I can't make a decision without considering the outcome. I'm in no way tied down right now, but if I decided to leave Milwaukee, I would be leaving behind nearly every member of my family (brothers, sister, mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) and all of the friends that I have. I would even be leaving my greatest love - the Milwaukee Brewers. I would have to make a ton of sacrifices to get out of here and try something new, but at what expense? I guess it would be tough to do it, but I guess when the time comes and a situation presents itself, I will make my decision. I'm always open to suggestions, but what's the point in planning ahead if you can't even see 1 second into the future?

Currently, I need to plan my life out at least 1 month in advance and go from there. My jobs and activities dictate my life and plans. Beyond that, I don't even know if I will still be working at my current job. Hell, I don't even know if I'll still be alive! I guess it is good to have a dream and work towards goals, but I've never been a big fan of doing so and I don't see that ever changing. But then again, my whole outlook on life may have changed by tomorrow. That's what makes life so exciting - nothing is set in stone and it's entirely unpredictable. We can try to forecast the future, but seriously, what's the point?

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

Rod Stewart voted off of American Idol

With a voice like a crackling record nearing the end of it's rotation cycle, Rod Stewart, I mean Amanda Overmyer was voted off of American Idol. I thought that Americans were stupid, but it turns out that the general population (or at least those who actually waste their time to call and vote) knows what constitutes being a good singer and possessing talent. It's about time. I swear that girl smokes a pack of cigarettes before going up on stage. She sounds like Dorris the makeup lady on The Critic for crying out loud! I thought that someone was sanding down an old table in the garage, but it turned out to be Amanda practicing "Back in the USSR". So she's back in the USSR, eh? She should have stayed there because obviously America doesn't want her. I love that Simon put her in her place when she said that it didn't matter what the judges think, it's all about the fans. Well girl, I guess the fans listened to Simon because he's always right. People boo him because they don't want to hear the truth. He's almost always brutally honest and he tells it exactly like it is. The truth hurts Amanda, just like getting voted off of a reality show with 30 million people watching you lose. That's rough.

So bring over those old Motown records, we'll put the speakers in the window and we'll go on the roof. I'll certainly be listening to The Miracles echoing through the Adams Family home, but I will no longer have to suffer through another song by that chick. So goodbye to the tornado spinning, raspy voiced devil and hello to some singers who actually sing and not just sit up on stage and growl like a hungry lion. The only bad thing about her getting voted off? Now I have to find someone else on the show to make fun of on this blog. Or I could just give up and stop talking about American Idol on this blog, because that is what I think America really wants.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

Misery loves Three's Company

Because, after all - who doesn't? Some will say that two is a couple, and three is a crowd, but I think that comedy explodes from a crowd of close people who can play off of each other. Stand up is great, but situational comedy will always rule in my book because of the interaction between the characters. I studied human behavior and communication in college, and almost all of the discussions we had involved interpersonal communication. Communication is a two way street, and if more people occupy that street, things get a bit complicated. I started out trying to be funny (with the title of this post) but in actuality, I was trying to speak about a serious topic.

Misery. There. It even looks rough just sitting there. I know that it looks rough when I see it in the mirror every morning and every night. Sometimes I can catch it staring back at me in my computer monitor when I pull up a dark screen. Sometimes I even talk to the misery. I say, "Hi Misery!" Misery just stares back at me and says, "you're gonna be drinking early today." A few glimpses is all I get per day, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist when I can't see it. In fact, I think that I'm miserable so often that it is starting to be comical. Just give me a happy-go-lucky, no care in the world roommate (which is definitely not my current roommate Fresno Chris) and we'd have ourselves one laughable "odd couple" sitcom brewing right in my 2 bedroom apartment. Think off all the zany hijinks that would go on there! You'd bust a gut from all of the nonstop laughter. I don't even know why I'm so miserable anymore. I'm so pissed off at the world right now that I start to forget why I got so pissed off in the first place, and why I'm still all pissy.

I think I just like attention, and nothing screams attention more than being angry all of the time when you are usually jovial and grinning like an idiot. Everyone expects me to be laughing and goofing around, which is why I am never taken seriously. Sometimes it works in my favor, because I can say things and get away with it because no one would believe that I actually meant it. That has gotten me out of some sticky situations, but at the same time it's been a detriment because my opinion generally doesn't matter. Every now and then, I've got something good to say. I just wish that people would listen. It seems like people only pay attention if you're being funny. I personally think I'm hilarious, and I find it hard to be serious, but every once in a while I pull it together and act normal. You wait, I just might do it to you someday.

I initially started typing this entry on February 4 2008. Obviously, a lot has changed since then. I don't really feel all that miserable anymore. It might be because winter is almost over and spring time is just around the corner. Baseball is being played down in Arizona, but within a week, the Brewers will be back at Miller Park and the best 6 (hopefully 7) months of my year begin. Brewers baseball, beer, and good weather - how could anyone be miserable with that stuff going on? There's nothing left to be sad about one the baseball season kicks off. Oh what a difference a month makes. Let this be a lesson - things will always get better and don't let depression or misery get to you Artax, or else you'll meet your doom and end up at the bottom of the Swamp of Sadness.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

I want some pickles

So I went and got some pickles. I've always been an impulse buyer, and the US Economy loves that. I wanted an iPod, so I went out and bought one. Can I afford an iPod? Possibly, but not a $500 iPod with touch screen and wireless internet. When I want something, I flat out go and get it, regardless of my financial situation. That's probably the reason why I don't have a savings account and mounting credit card debt. I know I have a problem, but how can I tell myself no? It always starts small. I wanted some pickles, so I walked to the store and bought a jar. That was one of the best damn jar of pickles I ever ate in my whole life. Was it a good impulse purchase? Absolutely. Did it open the door for new impulse purchases? Hell yeah, which is what really troubles me. I've previously posted how much I hate working, but I spend money like it's going out of style, so I need to keep on working to keep up with my spending. It's a vicious cycle, and I'm stuck in it going round and round and round and round. So when I end up homeless, penniless, toothless, drunk and naked on the streets I'll remember that it all started with wanting some pickles.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

Brewers, Brewers, keep turnin' up the heat!

If you've got time, head on over to The Milwaukee Brewers blog on JSOnline. Tom Hadricourt and Anthony Witrado of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel post daily happenings and updates from spring training in Arizona, and I am in a bitter debate with several of the blog posters about the make up of the starting rotation. Check me out if you go on there - my name, of course, is Pookon. To be quite honest with you, I don't even know how I stand on this whole issue. Both sides make sense.

Side A - Sheets, Gallardo, Supan, Villanueva, Parra in the starting rotation. Bush, Capuano and Vargas - one is long relief in bullpen/spot starter, one is sent down to AAA, and one is traded.

Positives - The best rotation talent-wise. Sheets, Gallardo and Parra are strikeout power pitchers and Supan and Villanueva are contact pitchers. Supan and Sheets (when healthy) are solid and reliable, and the other 3 have tons of upside.

Negatives - Gallardo, Villanueva, and Parra have little Major League experience. If Sheets get injured, they're screwed if they traded away an established pitcher like Bush, Capuano or Vargas. The lack of playing time in the Major Leagues could be the team's biggest weakness come the stretch run in September and their arms could be tired. None of them has pitched over 150-180 innings in a year at any level. If one of these young guns gets injured, it could hurt their career long term.

Side B - Sheets, Gallardo, Supan, Capuano/Bush/Vargas/Villanueva (2 of the 4 in the starting 5). 1 of the last 4 is the long man in the bullpen and 1 is traded. Parra starts the season at AAA.

Positives - All of the starting 5 have Major League starting experience. If Capuano can return to form, he could be an 18 game winner again. Bush led the team in wins the last 2 years, but had a plus 5 ERA. Vargas, if he pitchers like he is in spring training, could go deeper into games and not tax the bullpen. All of them have been relatively injury free, which could give us a stable rotation.

Negatives - there's a lot of ifs with some of these guys, and not a lot of upside. I think we've seen everything that Capuano, Supan, Bush and Vargas have to offer, but the best years are still there waiting for Parra and Villanueva. Some might say that any innings pitched but Parra in AAA are a waste of his scheduled 150 innings this year, and they have a really good point - we need all of his good innings in the majors. Capuano also may need a change of scenery. A little change just may do him some good.

It's a tough call, one that I'm glad that I don't have to make. Either way, you're going to piss someone off. The fans are even split on this decision, just take a leisurely stroll down the JSOnline Brewers Blog message boards to see that in action. I have yet to make up my decision, going with the safe "I want the best 5 pitchers in the starting rotation at all times." If I stick to my guns, that would be Sheets, Gallardo, Supan, Villanueva and Parra. Next week? Who knows.

That's why they leave speculation to the fans and decisions to the management. We just need to all unite as one and sing out, "Go go go for a little bit more, that extra effort that shows in the score. A double play, a big home run, the Brewers are brewing up a barrel of fun. So give a cheer! Let them know that you're here! C'mon now, we're gonna rock this town. C'mon Brewers, Brewers, keep turnin' up the heat. Brewers, Brewers, keep turnin' up the heat! C'mon Brewers! Milwaukee Brewers yeah yeah..."

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

WtF is up with American Idol?

When did the Tasmanian Devil join American Idol? You know, that chick with the black/blonde hair who sounds like Rod Stewart? Amanda Overmyer. That's her name. Do you know what she does (here it comes!!).... SHE REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS!!! She bothers the hell out of me! No matter what she sings, it sounds like gravel tumbling in the back of a cement truck. And you're telling me that out of hundreds of thousands of people in this country, she is one of the 12 best? In the words of Simon Cowell, that's simply appalling. I personally know more than 15 people who sing better than she does, and yet those people are working Joe jobs instead of being on TV. And it's not only her, the majority of the people on there suck balls. There's only about 3 people on there who I think are actually talented enough to be decent recording artists - Carly Smithson, David Cook, and David Archuleta (with a little love thrown in for my brotha Chikezie). I guess I'm out of touch with today's youth and what qualifies as good music, but I think that most of the people blow. I guess that is why I'm in the Travel Industry instead of in the Music Industry.

Why, oh why do I waste my time bitching about this then, if (according to today's musical standards) I have no clue what I am talking about? Because I'm trying to keep this blog current so that I can pull in some random numbers from people who aren't my friends and family. I need to up the readership on this page, and in order to do so, I need to branch out to other subjects instead of the ones that I usually cover. If this topic brings in additional viewers, I might start talking about gardening, upholstering furniture, candle making, and digging underground tunnels. You know, all of the other topics that are current in today's society.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

Taxes Suck Balls

I just got my paycheck for the weeks of January 13-27 (we get paid biweekly and I worked a total of 109.50 hours. Every hour that I work above 40 hours a week counts as overtime, so I get paid time and a half. I should have had baller status today (payday), and my bank statement was looking rather robust, but then I got my check stub and saw that the f-ing government stole $322.13 right out of my pocket!! In the words of the great Bob Barker - "That's too much!!" That's a lot of dollars people, and for what - so that the inner city schools continue to try and turn gangsters into respectable members of society? The schools are just going to turn the kids from stupid criminals into smart criminals that rob people without getting caught. What else am I paying for? Fat politicians salaries? Clean streets? Crypto-free water? Stop lights? I know that I'm not paying for road improvements because there are more potholes on Locust between the Eastside and I-43 than the beach at Normandy. That stretch of road looks like a god damn battlefield with all of the cracks and crevices in the street. The federal government takes their share too, but what about my cut? I better be getting that back come tax day, or else there will be hell to pay, believe you me. I'm gonna be filing my taxes like a undead zombie that has undying thirst for dollars.

Update (3/12/08) - finished my taxes on Sunday, and I get a total of ~ $2,000 back from the Federal and Wisconsin government. I don't know if I should be reporting that here (there's a lot of things that can get you into trouble these days). Now that may seem like a lot of money to be receiving in one lump sum, but if you figure that I give $200 to the government every paycheck (that's $400 a month) over 1 year - that's $4,800 a year! And just from this one job! (I have two.) I know that I shouldn't be complaining, because there are probably people out there who pay more in taxes than I do, and the State/Federal governments certainly need it to do stuff to keep this country in order, or else all hell would break loose. So I understand, but I just don't like it. And since this is my blog, I'm allowed to voice my opinion. So there.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

My stomach is a jerk and I just grew a conscience

I repeat, my stomach is a jerk and I just grew a conscience.

For some reason, this seemed to be funny to me on the day that my mind came up with it. From the looks of it, I came up with this statement on the 21st of February around 2:30 pm. Judging from that time stamp, I was at work. When I'm at work, I sometimes have a little time to myself to come up with ideas and add content to my blog and my website. On the 21st, I had a really good idea that kind of went nowhere because I most likely got busy on the phones. Today (March 5) was the first day I have picked this up since then, so now i have no idea why I wrote that. So what's the point of this article then? Because that statement was, still is, and will always be hilarious. I think that the word jerk is one of the best curse words in the English. It's not terribly damaging (like some of the more hardcore curse words) and it kind of sounds funny when you say it out loud, which takes away from it's impact, allowing you to laugh it off. Think about it -

"Leave me alone, you big jerk!" , "Thanks for nothing jerk!" , "Move it or lose it, jerk!" , "What the hell's a matter with you jerk?" , "You better watch it jerk!"

I can't say it without laughing. Maybe I just have a different sense of humor that the rest of you jerks, but I wouldn't trade it for all of King Midas' Silver. If I can make myself laugh over something as silly as the word jerk, then I've accomplished my goal.

Back to the meaning of my statement. Using the Wikipedia, Nicholas Cage, and the knowledge of "top" scientists who look after the Ark of the Covenant, we have decided that this cryptic statement means that I was hungry and my emotions were beginning to sway my decisions. In fact, after deciphering that message, it's all coming back to my. My stomach was growling like the Terror Dogs in Ghostbusters, and I was getting pissed at it. "What the hell were they doing in my icebox?" Probably stealing my food, and that's why I'm hungry. Egads! I've solved the mystery! I also recall that I was having difficultly charging someone with a penalty on their vacation package because they made a mistake. I wanted to waive the penalties, but I wasn't allowed to. It was one of the first times that I actually cared for one of our customers and wanted to help them out. Normally they just piss me off cause they are stupid and ridiculously cheap. On that day, at that moment, my heart grew 3 sizes just like the Grinch and I decided to be nice. But since it was not my call, I had to charge penalties, and I ended looking like a jerk for not caring. I don't know why I suddenly grew a conscience, but it certainly didn't look like Jiminy Cricket and it didn't sing a song for me. Man, movies are f-ing bullshit. That Cricket jerk.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/