This just in: Money talks more than Chris Tucker

Which makes perfect sense because in 1997, a post Friday and pre Rush Hour Chris Tucker starred in movie of said name (Money Talks). It's hard to believe that something could actually talk faster, longer, and make you understand the words that are coming out of its mouth more than Chris Tucker, but money talks baby. So what does this have to do with anything? I'll tell you. I love dollars. I like looking at dollars. I love songs about dollars. I love collecting dollars and using those dollars to buy sweet things. I envy people who have baller status and have more dollars than I do (damn you Lil' Bow Wow!). But I hate (I know it's a strong word) but I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE TRIPLE HATE the process of getting dollars (for ex., working). There's nothing more that I hate then showing up at my place of business and dealing with stupid customers. To steal a line from Randall Graves in Clerks, "This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers." I couldn't agree more.

I'm starting to get to the point where I wake up every morning depressed because I know that I have to go into work. "Stop whining, you're giving me a headache!" is what you and Arnold are saying right now. "Get a (new) job Grouch" is what you and Dave Chapelle are saying right now. I know, I should do both. But I've had so many jobs in my short life (I've been working since I got my first paper route at 15) and I know that regardless of where I work (with the exception of Miller Park) that I'll hate my job because it will always pale in comparison to that gig. The problem is that I can only work at Miller Park when the Brewers are playing a game, so that limits me to working only approximately 81 games a year. What the hell am I supposed to do with the other 284 days? I personally, can think of plenty of things to do, like drink myself retarded, go on trips, play Guitar Hero, watch movies, etc. but none of those get me the elusive dollars that I crave so much. I guess my only way out is to find a Sugar Mama (or Sugar Daddy - hey, it might be worth it if I get enough dollars so that I can swim in them like Uncle Scrooge) to ease my dollar woes. Since that is very unlikely (I'm an ugly mfer) I guess I'll just have to work for the man so that I can get some dollars.

I guess it really isn't all that bad. I could have worse things to worry about, like disease, the absence of a limb, poor living conditions, unclean water, insufficient food, and other basic living essentials that people in 3rd world countries go without. I guess I'm just a bitch for whining about stupid stuff. Oh well.

Dollars still rule the world, but I still believe that I rule a little bit too. I guess I'll try and be happy with the things that I have and stop getting upset about the things that I don't have. I'm lucky enough to have some kind of monetary possession in this world.

Until I strike it rich, I'll be sitting here making some dollars. As of yet, I haven't been able to figure out another way to resolve my unquenchable thirst for the almighty dollar. Until I figure that out - you know where to find me.

-pookon-

http://www.pookon.com/

I've been a real asshole lately

So far, I'm starting of this new year with one hell of a bang. I've been really cynical and standoffish since my return from Las Vegas. To sum it all up, I just really don't give a shit about some things anymore. I tried giving up drinking, but I found that it made me even more of an asshole because I was angry that I wasn't drinking. My current attitude has started to affect my life because I am not talking to my best friend (Joey Kanz), won't give my Mom a call even though she's been sick in bed all of last week, and am not getting along with my friends and co-workers. Sooner rather than later I'm going to alienate myself and lose all of my friends. The worst part about it is that I really don't f-ing care, nor do I give a shit about it. My upside right now (career, relationships, life, etc.) is at its all-time highest potential and I'm so close to being genuinely happy. I don't understand why I would jeopardize my life by treating other people like shit. None of this really makes sense anymore. Well, maybe this will grow out like a bad haircut. I remember once when I went to SuperCuts and they cut my hair into a flattop like Drew Carey. If I would've been wearing black thick framed glasses, I could have yelled out Cleveland Rocks! and hosted the Price is Right. It was that bad. My siblings and my parents laughed at me, and all my 14-year-old self could do was yell back "shut up!" Those were some rough times.

Well, I guess I aired it out there for a second. Hopefully that helped me get over this little snafu. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I get on the phones at work and the customers start belittling me and treating me like dirt because I work in a call center. I'll just tell them to deal with it then probably get in trouble because I'm not providing good customer service. Time will tell on that one. Well, I gots to go be mean somewhere.

Raer!

-pookon-

http://www.pookon.com/

My 2 Pennies on Mike Cameron

I've got to put out my copper Lincoln's on the free agent aquistion of center fielder Mike Cameron. As a precurser to my opinion, I must first state that I am perhaps the biggest Bill Hall fan (besides his mother). I have loved Bill Hall since he first appeared with the big league club in 2002. I immediatly appreciated his versatility and charasmatic attitude. He always looked like a genuinly nice guy in the clubhouse and took everything in stride. After all, (aside from 2007 and may-september of 2006) when he showed up at the ballpark, he didn't know what position he was playing that day (2B, 3B, SS). I don't claim to know everything that's going on in the Brewers universe and clubhouse, but it looks to me like Bill Hall has done everything the Brewers have asked of him. After all, until late, Bill Hall wins games.

My man-crush on Bill Hall puts me on the fence of the aqusition of Mike Cameron, who is a damn fine center fielder. The man has won 3 gold gloves, and a Brewer hasn't even won 1 since Robin Yount did in 1982!! We absolutley need a player of that defensive calibur! I love Ryan Braun, but his errors in 2007 hurt the team in so many ways. We only have 1 dominating strikeout pitcher (Ben Sheets) and the rest (especially Suppan and Capuano) put the ball in play and depend on the defense to back them up. That's why Suppan was so good in St. Louis and why everyone was up in arms that we paid so much money for him and we basically got an average year from him. Given a better defense, we can expect his ERA to drop from its 2007 mark of 4.62 to something more around the 4.00 mark. I can't stress enough that pitching and defense go hand in hand and pitching and defense also win ball games.

Some argue that we gave Rickie Weeks time to develop defensivly, why can't we let Ryan Braun improve at 3rd? It's cause we don't have time to wait anymore. The NL Central is at it's weakest point and we need to take advantage of that before the kids (Prince, Rickie, JJ, Corey, Ryan) all become elegible for free agency and we can't afford them anymore. We have a 3 year window in which to win a World Series, so there's no time to goof around anymore. We have to put the best team out on the field every year and every day, which means that we needed to upgrade our defense, hence the Cameron signing. Cameron in CF > Bill Hall in CF, Bill Hall at 3B > Ryan Braun 3B, and Ryan Braun = to or less than Kapler / Gross / Gywnn / Dillon so that solves our defensive deficiencies right there. I like whatever Melvin/Yost does to improve the team.

I can see Bill Hall getting traded for an established 3rd baseman who bats lefty and has a high on base percentage (something Melvin and Yost have been stressing for the entire off season), and I'll be extremely disappointed if it does. Bill Hall is awesome, and last year he struggled just a bit, but that's no reason to trade him. But at the same time, i was just 1 year old the last time the Brewers made the postseason, and I would like to see that before I die. That is why I have no reason but to back Melvin 100% and agree with his decisions. I need to see a championship team.

Is the Cameron signing a precursor to a Bill Hall trade? It might be, although it also might not be. Time will tell on that one, but it may happen just because we have too many pitchers and not enough roster space to keep them all. If some team offered a good player for a combination of Vargas/Bush/Capuano/Hall/Gwynn/Gross , I'd pull the trigger on the trade if I were Melvin and it put the finishing touches on a championship caliber team.

Bottom line - I like the Cameron signing because it makes our team better. There's no way in hell I can stomach another year of placing 2nd behind the Cubs and hear those FIBs boast about their accomplishments again. I will not stand for that kind of shit. We have to win now, and more importantly, we have to beat the Cubs because my hatred for them is more than I can bear to love with. Plus, it would be a dream come true for me to see my Brewers hoisting a World Series trophy up in the air. It's coming soon, and it's only a matter of when...

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

chiggity checkin' in b

it's morning, i'm tired, and i'm at work. i can't think of 3 worse things that could be working against me right now. come to think about it, there are some - like cancer, an extreme hangover, and midget clowns terrorizing my town. so i guess the moral of the story is that things can always be worse. but then the question comes up - what's worse than midget clowns?

sorry for that opening tirade. i just blacked out and started typing. since you are alive and reading this i'm going to go ahead and assume that you know that it is currently 2008. that means that it is a brand new year and i can start off fresh. in my efforts to try and have a semi normal life, i have abandoned writing in this blog as of late (my last post before this was like june of 2007). now that the new year is upon us, i think i'm gonna gold old school on this s and start posting again. i'll make it my new year's resolution to make at lease 1 post a week.

basically i just wanted to say that i'm back and you f-ers better watch out because i'm bringing the noise, the pain and the thunder baby! if i fail on my promise, then you have the right to hit yourself repeatedly. since i most likely will fail on the promise to post at least once a week (i'm no mathematician, but that's like 90 posts a year) just start hitting yourself right now. make sure you apologize to yourself afterwards, because we all know you really didn't want to do it, you were just being a good little pookondotcommie and listening to authority figures (me) and doing what they tell you to do without questioning.

well, that's all that i really got for now. keep checkin' in or else!!!
best regards - your loving friend and dictator -

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

Yost stops tinkering, I stop bitching.

I don't really have a problem with Yost's lineup anymore; it seems as though he is keeping it consistent following interleague play on the road. He shook the lineup up because of the DH spot, which resulted in 9 positions players batting and at times featured Damian Miller and Johnny Estrada playing at the same time, and also had Counsell and Graffanino playing at the same time while Fielder DH'd. That will always cause a little hiccup in the lineup, so now that we are done with playing at AL ballparks, expect to see a stable lineup for the time being. Since the no hitter on Tuesday June 12, the Brewers have averaged 12.6 hits per game, which shows that the offense is coming around. The lineup is now settled, which gives me nothing to bitch about...for now. Until Yost tinkers again, I'm going to settle on doing a series wrap up following the final game. I'll write more if I feel like it, but stay tuned to see what I'm saying now.

-pookon-
www.pookon.com

busy last few days

I was in Minneapolis over the weekend to see the Brewers play the Twins, so I'm a bit behind on my lineups. i'll finish the last few when i get home from work tonight. Today's game (Monday) sees the debut of highly touted prospect yovanni gallardo, so we'll see how that pans out. all that and more when i recap the game when i get home from work. until then - go brewers!

pookon
www.pookon.com

Tinkering with Yost! - 6/15/07 - Lineup + Results

Number of different lineups since 6/12/07 - 4

Friday's lineup was identical to Thursday's with two minor adjustments, for no apparent reason, Graffanino and Counsell flip flopped the 8 and 9 spots, and Jenkins and Estrada flipped the 6 and 7 spots. That doesn't make any difference either way,as they are still hitting back to back. I'm impressed that Yost used a similar lineup 2 days in a row, and seeing as how the Brewer scored 6 runs on 13 hits, it's easy tosee why he kept things the same. Since I've really got nothing to gripe about, I'll talk about why this lineup was the best possible one to put out against the twins and recap Friday night's game.

Hart, RF .297
I did not realize that Hart was batting almost .300. That's simply amazing. He's been playing stellar defesnse and has really settled into that leadoff role. Rickie Weeks should be back on Monday, so it will be interesting to see what happens inthe top spot. Hart went 1-5 with a run scored and an RBI in the game, and also stole a base. He's now batting .294.

Hardy, SS .282
Hardy had a quiet day at the plate when everyone else really turned it up, but still went 1-5 with a run scored. His average now stands at .281.

Braun, 3B .314
Braun went 2-5 with a double and 2 runs scored, but he also did commit an error, his 5 of the year. I was up in the cheap seats, and his error was questionable from up there. The ball takes a wicked hop on the carpet-like turf. Look at Weeks in 05-06 compared to 07, and you'll see a vast drop in errors, so I think Braun just needs time tolearn how to play better. I'm not worried. His offesnse certainly makes up for it, he is now batting .320.

Fielder, DH .289
Fielder was DHing again, and he responded by going 2-4 with a walk, 3 runs scored, 2RBIs and a HR, which was his major league leading 24th of the year. Prince Fielder continues to show dominance over all pitchers, and is having an mvp-callibur year. Prince is a beast, and he continues to feast upon pitchers with a .292 batting average.

Hall, CF .262
Bill Hall is starting light it up again and he getting right back to where he left off last year. He went 1-4 with 2 RBIs and a walk. He still has been playing stellar defense in CF, and has raised his batting average up to .262.

Estrada, C .285
Remember a few days ago when Estrada's batting average dropped into the .260's? That's a thing of the past. Estrada has been hitting up a storm, going 3-4 with 2 runs scored and 1 RBI on Friday. He also threw a runner out trying to steal 2nd. Yes, Estrada actually threw someone out. Simply amazing. He is now batting .294, which is what we have been used to.

Jenkins, LF .272
Jenkins is getting hot again. He went 3-5 with 1 run scored and 4 RBIs, including his 12th HR of the year,which was a grand slam. He's now batting .282, up 11 points from yesterday.

Graffanino, 2B .238
Tomy went 1-4 with a run scored and will play at 1st base until Monday. He'snow batting .238, which is ok but he still can do better.

Counsell, 2B .237
Counsell went 1-4 with an RBI, and played a nice defensive 2nd base. He's still batting .237, and as long as he plays fantastic defense, he'll still be in the lineup.

The Brewers ended up with 11 runs off of 15 hits in a rout of the Twins on Friday night, and I was in Minneapolis to see it in person. There were a ton of Brewers fans there, and I was ready to dub the Metrodome Miller Park North-West. We'll see how Saturday's lineup comes together, but I am willing to bet it will be almost exactly like this one, seeing as how this lineup has pounded out a lot of hits and runs over the last 2 days. But with Yost,anything and everything is possible, so time will tell on that one. Catch you later aligator.

-pookon-
http://www.pookon.com/

Tinkering with Yost! - 6/14/07 - Lineup + Results

Number of different lineups since 6/12/07 - 3

After the win last night, the Brewers are sending their ace Ben Sheets on the mound against right hander Chad Durbin. The lineup today is very similar to yesterdays, with a few exceptions.

Hart, RF .294
Hart is still the best leadoff hitter until Weeks comes back, but many people probably expected Gwynn to be leading off today and playing right field, seeing as how they are going against a right handed hitter. I praise Yost for finally sticking with the hot hand and not playing into the matchups. Hart has prover offensively and defensively that he should be playing everyday, no matter who the opposing pitcher is. Gwynn will just have to wait until it is his time to be an everyday player.

Hardy, SS .282
No changes here, Hardyis batting where he belongs.

Braun, 3B .303
Braun struggled at the plate, going 0-3 with a walk last night, but he still is batting above .300, although in less games than the regular players.

Fielder, DH .295
Fielder is the only player on the team (with the exception of Braun) who has the plate discipline and skill to be the DH. As long as there is a decent replacement at 1B, I love having Fielder be the DH. It's kinda like having a half day off and you still have his bat in the lineup.

Hall, CF .263
This is where Hall belongs. He did bat 6th last night, and went 3-3 with a walk and 2 RBI's and 3 runs scored, account for all of the scoring offense. He raised his batting average over 10 points, and looks to be getting his offensive productivity going again. Although Gywnn is a more prototypical center fielder, Hall has been above average and has more potential to hit home runs and get RBIs, something they need more than Gywnn who has a high on base percentage.

Jenkins, LF .266
Jenkins has struggled lately, but his power numbers (11 HRs, 30RBIs) are right where you want them at this time in the season. He has been perfect in left field, and has yet to commit an error. Those stats should validate his spot in the 6 hole and his playing everyday.

Estrada, C .277
Most people are used to the Estrada that we saw at the beginning of the season - the one who easily bats over .300. people forget that he is .280 career hitter, which is better than any catcher we've had in the last few years (Chad Moeller anyone?) so johnny is once again hitting in a good spot - 7th.

Counsell, 2B .244
Counsell is good batting 8th because his on base percentage is .358, which is pretty darn good. His job is to get on base and get the pitcher's spot out of the way in a NL game, but since we are in an Al park, the pitcher doesn't hit. Hopefully Craig and Tony will continue to swing a hot bat and get on base so that the top of the order can bat them in.

Graffaninio, 1B .230
I like Tony playing 1B as long as Prince is still in the lineup (and he is, as the DH) but I never like it when Counsell and Graffanino bat back to back. Graffinino is certainly capable of batting higher than .230, but until he does you need to keep him down here.

I really don't have too much to complain about today. The top 5 in the lineup should always be set in stone (Weeks, Hardy, Braun, Fielder, Hall) but the injury to Weeks forces Hart to bat 1st instead of his normal spot 6-7. They should get a lot of offense out of this lineup, and Sheets and the bullpen should hold the Tigers under 4 runs. I guess we'll see how this game pans out.

pookon
www.pookon.com

Tinkering with Yost! - 6/13/07 - Lineup + Results

Number of different lineups since 6/12/07 - 2

Tonight's lineup is a lot like the one that I predicted, with a couple of exceptions.

Hart, RF .288
Until Rickie Weeks gets back from injury, and as long as they are playing against a left handed pitcher, Corey should be in the leadoff spot. He's not your typical leadoff player, but he has been getting on base and stealing bases, something that you want your leadoff hitter to do.

Hardy, SS .278
Perfect placement of a player with Hardy's caliber. He hopefully will put the ball into play with Hart on base. Hopefully he will get some RBI's to add to his already impressive total.

Braun, 3B .317
It's good to see Braun back into the lineup after an off day on Tuesday. You can question his defense all you want, but he has been above average so far this year. There's no doubt after the no hitter on Tuesday that we need his bat in the lineup.

Fielder, 1B .295
Everyone is waiting for Fielder to go yard so that they can make comparisons to his Dad Cecil (who played for Detroit) and reminisce about Prince's days as a young boy hitting baseballs into the stands of old Tiger Stadium. Prince is a beast, and I guarantee that he will hit one in this series.

Mench, LF .282
I predicted that Mench would play against a left handed pitcher, but I didn't expect him to bat 5th. It makes a little bit of sense, but I would still like someone who works the count and takes pitches to be hitting 5th versus Mench who swings away at the first pitch.

Hall, CF .252
The 6 spot is ideal for Bill Hall, who like JJ is struggling but still needs to play every day on account of their fantastic defense. Bill Hall has been a wonderful surprise in center field, we're just hoping that his bat gets going before this season is in the tank.

Estrada, DH .273
This one was a complete surprise to me, but now that I think about it, it makes a little more sense. He's one of your better hitters, although his is capable of having a higher batting average. While he is still struggling, it's nice to see him hitting 7th instead of 5th.

Miller, C .226
I really didn't expect Miller to be getting the start today, seeing as Estrada is a switch hitter and there is a day game tomorrow. I want Jenkins to play every day, because he is a far better defender than Kevin Mench, but since Miller is starting, that gives you little options for a DH, which is why I think Estrada is in there instead of Jenkins or Mench.

Graffanino, 2B .230
Until Weeks comes back off the DL, someone has to play 2nd base, and it might as well be Tony. Counsell is a natural shortstop, while Tony has been a 2nd baseman for most of his career. I'd rather have him there, plus it gets his right handed bat in the lineup. Graffanino should never hit higher than 7th, so I like him batting 9th tonight.

We'll see how this all pans out during the course of the game, but I'll be back later to post my observations and results of tonight's lineup.

Hart 2-4, double and a walk
Hardy 2-4
Braun 0-3, walk
Fielder 1-3, R, walk
Mench 0-4
Hall 3-3, 2R, 2RBI, walk
Estrada, 2-4
Miller 0-4, RBI
Graffinino 1-4

Brewers took some walks and put up 11 hits, but stranded a lot of men on base throughout the game. they kept the strikeouts down (3) but failed to come through with clutch hits with runners in scoring position. They scored 2 of the 3 runs via the homerun, which has been a problem of late, and they also only scored 3 runs in the ball game. Luckily, the pitching staff held the Tigers to 2 runs, but that wwill not always be the case. A big shoutout goes to Carlos Villanueva, who came in last minute for Capuano, and Carlos pitched well for 5 innings, giving up only 1 run. This offense did just enough to win the game, but they need to score more runs if they plan on beating good teams like Detroit. They got lucky this time.

-pookon-
www.pookon.com

Tinkering with Yost! - 6/12/07 - Lineup + Results

Number of different lineups since 6/12/07 - 1

I've become increasingly more upset with Ned Yost's lineups for the Milwaukee Brewers as the season goes on. For a team that is struggling offensively, he finds it necessary to keep switching his players every day and not offering any continuity for his players. I believe in spontaneity and randomness, but we all need stability in our livers or else we'd all go crazy. I think the same goes for ballplayers, who are famous for their routines and superstitions. You would think that stability in the lineup would be something that they would be totally supportive of. Maybe they are, but Yost does it anyway. But maybe they like Yost tinkering with the lineup. Since I don't know, I'm going to present the lineup everyday, offer my thoughts, and state the results of that lineup. Without further ado, here is the lineup for The Tuesday June 13 game against the Detroit Tigers in Detroit.

(Note - they are playing in an AL Ballpark and they will be using a DH instead of allowing the pitcher to hit, which will significantly alter the lineup.)

Counsell, 3B .244
With Rickie Weeks on the DL, Counsell and Gwynn are the most probable leadoff hitters. They've been using Hart there lately, but you can't play Gwynn, Jenkins, Hall, and Hart on the same day, so I feel like if Gywnn is in the lineup, Hart can't be, so I agree with this choice for this game only. Braun should be playing 3B every day, but everyone needs a day off here and there.

Graffanino, 2B .230
Graffanino should never be batting in front of or behind Counsell. They're both hitting under .250 and have a combined total of 22 RBI's. That ghastly. One of them has to play 2nd while Weeks is out, but I don't like Tony batting 2nd.

Hardy, SS .278
Hardy has been struggling lately, but he still has to play every day. He is ideal for the 2nd or 3rd spot in the lineup, so I agree with this.

Fielder, 1B .295
Prince should always bat 4th. Enough said.

Hart, RF .288
Hart makes a good 5 hitter because he has power and speed. I like this.

Jenkins, LF .271
Geoff should be hitting 7th or 8th, which is why I am fine with his placement here.

Estrada, C .277
Yost used to bat Estrada 5th, which worked out fine when he was swinging a hot bat. Lately, he has been a rally killer because he swings at the first pitch and hits into double plays. If he isn't going to patient at the plate, he deserves to hit 7th or 8th.

Hall, CF .252
Hall isn't playing as well as he can, but that hasn't been a problem. For the time being (until he heats up) he should be batting 7th or 8th. Ideally, he is better suited 5th or 6th.

Gross, DH .200
Gabe should not be on this team PERIOD. We already have too many left handed bats on the team and an excess of outfielders. Batting .200 does not help the team at all. His spot would be better filled with another arm in the bullpen or even a comfy armchair in the dugout.

The results of this lineup?

Suppan pitched a decent game, but you all know by now that the Brewers got no-hit by Justin Verlander. Bill Hall managed to draw 3 walks, but nothing else was accomplished by this lineup. I'll give credit where credit is due and say that Verlander threw one hell of a game, but he was getting some bogus strike calls in the 8th and 9th innings.

The Brewers are going against Left-hander Mike Maroth, which means that Yost will stacking his lineups with righties, so his lineup will include Graffino and Mench.

Expect this lineup to be radically different (knowing Yost) for Wednesday's game, but if I had to choose it, this is how it would be:

Hart, RF
Hardy, SS
Braun, 3B
Fielder, 1B
Hall, CF
Jenkins, LF
Estrada, C
Graffino, 2B
Mench, DH

There's no way that It's going to be like that, but I can only hope. I'll be back later tonight to give the lineup for the Wednesday June 13 game and provide the results from that lineup.

Go Brewers!
- pookon -
http://www.pookon.com/

Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 6)

Beer Pong on the Rocks
By: Iceman
Week 6 – “A beer pong player looks at 25."

I’m going to start out by explaining my articles this season. I had two purposes in wanting to write a column for this league. 1 - I felt like I had some good knowledge to pass on to other players, and 2 – I wanted to chronicle this season for myself so that I would remember it at a later date. I’ve been really straightforward with #1 (as seen with my lesson of the week in the past 5 articles) at times, but I’ve also been a little subtle with some of the other things I have learned about beer pong. #2 is something that I have done with my website for the past 5 years, and it is also something that I need to explain to the people who have questioned the content of my beer pong articles this season.

I have a really poor memory coupled with the fact that I have a short attention span. Because of this, I take tons of pictures and keep journals (in paper form and online) so that I can remember things that happen in my life. The content on my website, blog and this season’s Beer Pong on the Rocks articles are written for me to look back upon at a later date. I try to include relevant information for family, friends and also the stranger who stumbled upon it, but it is mostly for me. Let’s be honest here, most of you probably haven’t even visited my website, know nothing of my blog, nor have you taken the time to read my articles because they are all about Iceman and they are far too long. I know this people. One thing that I have always been is a pessimistic realist. Which is why I write for myself and not the general public. Years from now you will have forgotten that I wrote an article during season 7, but that’s exactly when I will revisit it and relive the memories. I’d apologize for my actions, but I don’t feel the need to.

And now I have some information for the beer pong players out there. I want to take a minute to talk about the dangers of beer pong. Dangers you say? It’s just a game, and a silly game at that. This is just another instance where Iceman pretends that beer pong is a serious sport and not just a goof around game amongst friends. But ladies and gentlemen, beer pong is a dangerous game. I’ll provide a short list of examples as to why I feel this is the case, but I’m sure that there are many many more. I’ve been sugar coating this game for 5 weeks now, and now it is time to look at the dark side of beer pong. I sense that you fear the dark side. Do not fear, for fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you. You fear the danger in beer pong because:

1. beer pong ruins lives
2. beer pong ruins friendships and relationships
3. beer pong ruins clothing
4. beer pong causes temporary and long term injuries
5. beer pong turns men into monsters
6. beer pong leads to poor decisions

1 – beer pong has made me the man I am today. Take a good look at me and you’ll certainly agree; I’d probably be better off without the heavy drinking. A couple drinks here and there aren’t so bad, but playing 30 games in one night and then spending the next day hung over and throwing up probably isn’t very good for your body. In the 4 years that I’ve been playing this game, I can’t count how many times I’ve been hung over and had to cancel plans, call in sick to work, or disappoint my friends and family because I forgot to show up somewhere important.

2 – beer pong has allowed me to make a lot of friends, but it has also cost me a lot of friends. I used to hang out with a different crowd until beer pong. I had a lot of friends, and then drinking and shooting ping-pong balls at beer cups became more important than anything else. Before long, my entire life was beer pong and my friends had moved on. I am grateful for the people I have met in league, but I also miss the people who I left behind when this game took over. I also find it hard to cheer for/against some people because they are my friends. It then becomes a question of who would I rather see win. Obviously, both teams cannot win; there are no ties in beer pong. If two of my friends square off, for me it’s a lose/lose situation when it comes to cheering. I should just keep my mouth shut. But we all know that it doesn’t happen that way.

3 – This one is humorous take on danger, but is something that should still be noted. Often when you step away from the table, you will look down and notice that you have contracted a wicked case of BPL, which stands for Beer Pong Leg. Spilled beer can sometimes accumulate on the table, and if not squeegeed properly, it can damage your clothing and leave a stain. Join the fight against BPL and remember to squeegee the table as often as necessary.

4 – Just like any other sport, injuries often come into play. Short-term injuries, like Brodey pulling a hamstring, sometimes sideline a person for a few shots or the remainder of the game. Long term injuries, like the over consumption of alcohol coupled with driving could lead to unwanted injuries. Hopefully everyone is smart and lucky enough to avoid long term, life-threatening injuries.

5 – Beer pong can turn men into monsters. Unfortunately, alcohol has the ability to bring out the worst in us. I wish that I could take back some of the things I’ve said or done under the influence, but those things are irreversible. If you’re not careful, you can lose everything with one simple word or action.

6 – quick drinking can lead to poor decisions, like not knowing when to quit while you’re ahead. It doesn’t seem like you’re drinking a lot because you’re only taking sips of beer at a time, but the rate that you are doing them is catastrophic. And then bam! You just got hit by a runaway locomotive.

You might not fall prey to the 6 dangers of beer pong that I have mentioned, but I mention them because at age 25, all of these dangers have the ability to terminate my game. Another reason why I wrote this article is because before this season, I had decided that this was going to be my last season of beer pong. I figured that I would introduce Joey Kanz to this league, graduate college, go for one last hurrah at the World Series of Beer Pong 2, then grow up and become an adult. I had seemingly lost my love for the game, and no longer cared about beer pong. Around week 4, I started to realize all of the things that I loved about it, and I am now playing the best I ever have in my career.

This season, I have overcome the biggest hurdle in my beer pong career – I have curbed the mental instability that used to be my downfall. I did it first by using the Baggar Vance method, and then seconded it by finally beating Brodey in beer pong. I consider Brodey to be the Godfather, my mentor, and by finally beating him in an important game, I feel like I am no longer the student; I am a colleague. This is a very important step for me, and I am now 100% confident in my beer pong ability.

As for Baggar Vance, I often settle down before my shot and remember that inside each and every one of us is one true authentic shot. It’s something' we were born with, something that's ours and ours alone. It’s something that can't be taught or learned, it’s something that has to be remembered. If you ever forget that shot, you just have to settle down and feel that focus. You have a lot of shots to choose from, but there's only ONE shot that's in perfect harmony with the table. One shot that's yours, your authentic shot, and that shot is gonna choose you. There's a perfect shot out there tryin' to find each and every one of us, all we have to do is get ourselves out of its way and let it choose us. You can't see those cups as some dragon you got to slay; you got to look with soft eyes. See the place where everything comes together, where everything that is, becomes one. You have got to seek that place with your soul, seek it with your hands and don't think about it; feel it. Your hands are wiser than your head is ever gonna be. That’s when I find my one true authentic shot.

Once I do this, the room becomes quiet and I no longer see the people on the other side of the table, all that I see is the beer inside of the cup. From there it just becomes a battle of me vs. the game. I’m the only one who can control whether I win or lose, and I feel like I am in complete control of the game at all times. The point of this all is that I feel the best that I ever have in beer pong, and I hope that one day you can all feel like I do.

Once again I’m a little behind on this article, so I can’t wish you all good luck in the playoffs because all but 8 teams have been eliminated. To those 8 teams – good luck and Godspeed. May you play well unless you happen to be playing my team…

Iceman’s lesson of the week - beer pong is a dangerous game. You might have been lucky enough to avoid danger thus far, but trust me; it’s out there waiting for you. Someday in the near future you will cross paths with danger. I can only hope that you are able to recognize it and handle it properly.

You know what really grinds my gears? – the short beer pong season. I understand that it can only be 6 weeks long in order for the season to wrap up before Thanksgiving, but I feel like it went by too quick. Now that some teams are eliminated from the playoffs, there’s a strong chance that some of those people won’t be there on league night. I know that there are some people who played in the league this year who I have yet to meet, and I apologize for not taking the time to stop and chat. I guess I’m too old and set in my ways to make the attempt to meet new people. I thank you for understanding. Friday night is just too short for me to play pong, get drunk, catch up with old friends and make some new ones. I’ll make an extra effort to get to know you if you come back next season.

Iceman’s shout outs –

Skemp – for your awesome Halloween costume. For those of you who missed it, Skemp went as Mr. Rogers. His wardrobe was spot on, plus he had gray hair and a nametag that said Hello Neighbor. I’ve never been a huge fan of Halloween, but if more people took the effort to come up with a creative costume, I might be able to warm up to this holiday.

Brodey – for taking me under your wing and teaching me everything about beer pong. Although I’ve learned all I can from you, I still respect and look up to you. I am no longer your apprentice, but I will still call you the Godfather in recognition of your accomplishments in this league. You know it’s true, everything I do, I do it for you.

Everyone in league – thanks for helping to make this season spectacular. I had a great time and it looked like everyone else did the same. I could never have foreseen the league operating as it does today based upon the first 2 seasons. People like you help make this league successful. Take care, and I hope to see you all back again for Season 8.

Casey and Lorge – it is my understanding that the both of you are moving on from this league and handing the reins of day-to-day operations to the next generation. This league didn’t create itself, it needed careful planning and maintenance to blossom into what it has become. You’ve both done a fine job, and I hope that you will continue to participate, even if it is in a supporting role.

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time.

Until then –

I have been drunk now for over two weeks,
I passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks,
But I've got to stop wishin', Got to go fishin',
I'm down to rock bottom again.
Just a few friends, just a few friends.

– Iceman –
www.pookon.com

Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 5)

Beer Pong on the Rocks

By: Iceman

Week 5 – “I think were alone now. There doesn’t seem to be anyone around. I think were alone now. The hitting of the cups is the only sound.”

It’s all happening. This article is a think piece about a mid-level team struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom. We’ll get to that later, but for now I want to talk about beer pong atmosphere. When and where you play beer pong can significantly alter your game play. There’s a world of difference between playing on a league night vs. any other night of the week. So was the case in week 5 when Joey Kanz and I took on Donny and Gev of team Starsky and Clutch. We were facing some stiff competition, for I had heard from Skemp and Keith that Donny was dynamite on their home table. Although this was his first season, Gev has proven himself in the past to be a stellar player in a substitute role. We had learned from our match against Anthony and Dave not to look too deeply into stats, for the only thing that mattered was your game play in that given night. That’s why you have to take beer pong one game at a time.

In order to beat the team we were playing against this week (in this case Donny and Gev) we had to treat it like our most important game of the season. We had to play on Thursday night because one of them could not make it Friday, and that may have helped us secure the victory. It helped us that there was no one around (aside from the house residents) to cheer against us. I don’t need anyone cheering for me to perform well; my inner voice takes care of that. I also have the greatest cheerleader in Joey Kanz at my side. His game play gives me all of the confidence that I need to play my best.

Since the majority of you missed our game, here’s what you missed. We beat them in game 1 and everyone on the table shot well. Game 2 started with Donny and Gev going 7 for 7, but then they lost by 2-3 cups because the game is not over until the kill shot is hit. Once we combined them, we must have only missed 1 shot as a team and finished with high shooting percentages. Over 2 games, I shot 54.55, Kanz shot 66.67 and we split the kills. This was the first time that we had both shot over 50% in the same week, and Joey Kanz – your shot…was incendiary.

The atmosphere changes the way that you play because you adapt to your surrounding and respond to the environment. Have you ever noticed that sometimes you shoot lights-out in exhibition but then bottom-out in league play? It’s because in exhibition there is nothing at stake. You might say that pride is at stake, and the winner stays on the table rule makes you want to win if you want to keep playing, but I don’t believe in any of that new-age hooey. If you do lose, there’s always room on the sign-up sheet, no matter how long it is. There’s always another night, there’s always another table to play on, and although there’s no time for love, there’s always more time for beer pong Dr. Jones. When we played on Thursday before a handful of people, it seemed like the pressure we brought upon ourselves was gone, and we were able to play our own style of beer pong. When we are truly allowed to play our game, we cannot be beaten. Friday night is a whole different story because everyone in league is there (with a few exceptions of course) and everyone knows how you performed that night. If you’re expected to do well, you don’t want to let everyone down by playing poorly. Sometimes you over think and rush your shot, and that is when you cease to play your style of beer pong and start to play somebody else’s game. You are the only person who can control your own game on any given night, and it is up to you to live up to your own expectations. Screw what everyone else has to say, just go out there and make sure you are satisfied with what you have done on the table.

I’m going to take a moment to talk about the 1^st World Series of Beer Pong. The atmosphere there was so much different than anywhere I have ever played. First off, we played inside of a convention center and up to 16 tables were going at the same time. Because I wasn’t the only one playing, I knew that there weren’t too many eyes watching and critiquing my performance. We made it quite obvious that we were from Milwaukee, but no one really knew anything about who I was or how I played on the table. Day 1 came and went and I still was just another face in the crowd. On Day 2, Fresno Chris and I started playing like true Milwaukee Beer pongers – we kicked some major ass. Our 6-0 showing on day 2 brought us more attention than I was ready for, and the bright spotlight upon me cause me to shy away and search for a dark corner. I’m ready to admit it now; I fell apart in the WSoBP playoffs because I let the pressure get to me. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone who believed in me that they had backed the right horse, and to also show everyone who doubted me that they were wrong. As soon as the attention began to focus on me, the entire atmosphere changed and my game had changed with it. The slight change in atmosphere altered my performance. If you take anything away from this, take this lesson with you – you are the only one who has control over what you do on the beer pong table. You and only you are to blame for your performance, be it good or bad. Every time that you go out there, play the best that you can and you will always be satisfied. If you shoot 75% and lose to someone who shot 80%, it really sucks, but you did the best you could. You got beat by someone who was better. Take solace in the fact that you were in control of your own destiny, and go out there and do it again next time. Remember – in beer pong you can do or do not; there is no try.

If you’re good at beer pong, you’re going to have friends like crazy, but they’re gonna be fake friends. You cannot make friends with these people. They’re gonna try and corrupt you. They are going to ruin beer pong and strangle everything we love about it. They are trying to buy respectability for a form that is gloriously and righteously dumb. The day that beer pong ceases to be dumb is the day that it ceases to be real. And then it just becomes an industry of cool. We’re coming along at a very dangerous time in beer pong. I think that you should just turn around and play something else, like connect four, but I can tell from your face that you won’t. You have to make your reputation on being honest and unmerciful. And just remember, if anyone makes fun of you for caring so much about this game and making it your lifestyle, you’ll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

Some people have a hard time explaining beer pong, really explaining beer pong. That’s ok, because beer pong is a lifestyle and a way of thinking. And it’s not about money and popularity, although some money would be nice. It’s a voice that says, “here I am, and fuck you if you can’t understand me.” One of these people is gonna save the world; and that means that beer pong can save the world. And the chicks are great. What it all comes down to is that thing, the indefinable thing when people catch something from your beer pong playing. What I’m talking about is the buzz. And the chicks, the whatever, is an offshoot from the buzz. You saying that you like Balkman’s quick shot kill? That is the fucking buzz!

On the whole, I’d say most of the fuck-ups in the world come from the brain, not the instincts. My whole thing is to try and make my brain go away, but I can’t, except on the beer pong table. The brain should be a softening influence on the instincts, but the instincts should drive. Trying to reconcile the brain with urges that come out of millions of years ago, the way the brain interprets these instincts, is a heavy trip. Usually I’m brain, and Kanz is instincts. But on the days when we’re both instinct, that’s when we’ve played the beer pong people know best, because…it’s the best. Show me any guy who ever said he didn’t want to be popular, and I’ll show you a scared guy. I’ve studied every player in beer pong; most of the time the best stuff is the popular stuff. It’s much safer to say popularity sucks, because that allows you to forgive yourself if you suck. And I don’t forgive myself, do you?

Someone once told me that I am too sweet for beer pong. Where do they get off? Where do they get sweet? I am dark and mysterious and pissed off. And I could be very dangerous to all of you. I am not sweet. And you should know that about me. I AM THE ENEMY!!!

You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong. They make you feel cool. And hey, I met you. You are not cool. We're uncool. And while beer pong will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their beer pong skill never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter. Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start. The only true currency in this bankrupt world if what we share with someone else when we're uncool. My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful

I always tell my friends to never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you step up to the beer pong table and visit your friends (the beer cups).

So what do I love about beer pong? To begin with, everything…
It’s all happening…

Iceman’s lesson of the week – You have to take beer pong one game at a time. Every game you play should be treated like your most important game ever. After you get past that game, then you can worry about the upcoming one. Failure to do so will warrant unwanted results. I know over the course of the season I have been giving away too much in my lessons, but I feel that the time is right to dispense this knowledge. You know how I play my game, and you can either apply it to you own game or use it against me. The choice is entirely yours, and I hope you make the right decision.

You what really grinds my gears? – putting on one hell of a show and no one shows up to watch it. I’m sure that everyone by now realizes that I am a consistent beer pong player, and I will produce everything that I advertise to do. Stop watching me; I’ve done all that I can for this game. You need to pay attention to Joey Kanz and watch him light up the table and make cups. This kid is unbelievable, and he’s not even old enough to legally drink! You can say that about a few other people (Mike Roberts and Christian come to mind) but neither of them has done what he has done in his rookie year. I don’t mean this to be condescending, but Mike Roberts shot 37.17% in his rookie season, and Christian shot 43.35%. Joey Kanz finished his rookie year at 53.69%. Although this is the week 5 article, the season is already over; I have the knowledge base to make these claims. This marks the first time that lateness and procrastination has worked in my favor.

Iceman’s shout-outs –

Cameron Crowe – for letting me “borrow” quotes and lines from Almost Famous, even though you have no idea that I did use them. I did it as an homage and I never intended it to be otherwise. I love your movie and I count it as one of my top 5 of all time. Your writing style and characters have inspired me, and I am moved every time I watch it.

Donny and Gev – for playing one hell of a game. Balkman picked you guys to win in three games in his week 5 Bracket Buster Breakdown article, and I honestly believe that if we had gone to game 3, you would have. After a tough game 1 loss, you came out shooting 7 for 7 in game 2, only to have us rally back and beat you. I knew it was a tough loss for you guys, but understand that we had to pull off a miracle to beat you. You really had me scared that neither of you would miss in game 2, and I was ready to trash game 2 and prepare for game 3. Thankfully I didn’t have to make that decision, and I wish you all the best in the playoffs unless you happen to play against Kanz and I. Good luck.

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time. Until then -

You can tell Rolling Stone Magazine that my last words were, “I’m on drugs!!”
Well, I think that I should work on those last words, so I’ll say, “I dig music…”
No? “I’m on drugs!!!!”

– Iceman –

www.pookon.com

Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 4)

Beer Pong on the Rocks

By: Iceman

Week 4 – “I'd be tender, I'd be gentle, and awful sentimental, regarding love and art.

I'd be friends with the sparrows ... and the boy who shoots the arrows

If I only had a heart.”

Someone always steals my thunder. That’s the story of my life. Every time that I come up with an original idea, it always turns out that someone has already done it and I come off as nothing but a cheap imitation. That was about to change in week 4 when I told my partner Joey Kanz that the most important element in beer pong is heart. You gotta have heart of you ever expect to win at beer pong. The Tin Man feels hollow and goes on a quest to find it. What he realized in the end was that he had heart all along and he just needed to look in the right place. I can’t be mad at Joey Kanz for taking my best ideas (although he did credit me for my statement in his week 3 rookie diary article when he prematurely gave away my week 4 lesson.) You can never expect to win if your heart is not in the game. My biggest problem this season was the fact that I no longer was excited to play the game. I had lost my love for beer pong. When Friday night rolls around, I head to the beer pong house to step up to the table out of pure habit; this is what I have known to be reality over the last 2 years of my life. My life has not been without beer pong since I was a 20-year-old sophomore at UWM and a rookie in the Dining Services department of the Union.
You all know the history of our humble beginnings, but I’ll tell you a little bit of my perspective of this league. I had first heard about an organized beer pong league shortly after I had started working at the Union, but did not want to give up my Friday nights for a silly little drinking game. That now is on my list of regrets, as I did not play in the 1^st season, yet I was there every Friday nights to hang out and watch every game. I am thankful to have been there since the beginning, but I cannot say that I was a part of the league when it was in its infancy. That is one of the reasons why I still play today because I feel like I still have enough to offer the members of this league.
When season 7 began, I was in the league simply because I wanted to give a rookie (Joey Kanz) the opportunity to play competitive beer pong and to interact with other people who loved the game as much as he did. I saw a lot of myself in him. I knew that without me, he would not be allowed to play in this league because he didn’t have any connections. This once again proves that it is not what you know, but rather whom you know. It was my duty as a veteran to allow someone to experience to pure joy of playing competitive pong. Heh heh, duty. Although I am old, I can still laugh at unintentionally funny words like the penal system, insert, extend and titular. I’ll never be too grown up to not crack a smile whenever those words are mentioned. Funny as it may sound, it all comes back to having heart.
Although sometimes I felt like I had given up on beer pong, I always found out that beer pong had never given up on me. There comes a time in one’s life when you have to grow up and let go of all of the silly childish things (beer pong) that have hindered you from being a member of “cultured” society. I felt like that time was now, but then I remembered how fun this game is and how much I enjoy playing, and beer pong is there waiting for me to play. We don’t choose our lives, our lives choose us, and that is why I still play after 5 seasons and why I will still be there for the World Series of Beer Pong II, Season 8, and the World Series of Beer Pong III. That’s right, you heard it right here ladies and gentlemen. Regardless of the outcome of this season, I will be back in Spring 2007 to once again play my little heart out on the plywood. And for those of you heading out to Mesquite, Nevada for the 1st time in January 2007 and January 2008 – guess who will be behind you during you matches cheering you on – me. That’s right, the Iceman will be there to give you moral and emotional support as you crush the competition that has come from around the globe with the sole purpose of defeating you. We’re not going to let that happen because everyone from Milwaukee has your back, and no one will represent for you like I will. And that you can print in Rolling Stone Magazine!
Sometimes your heart can get you into a little trouble. Before you start worrying that I’m going to pour out my emotions to you, I’m going to keep it all about beer pong. I think that it goes without saying that I’ve made a lot of friends in this league, and the hardest thing about Friday nights is the fact that I may have to play against one of my friends and take a victory away from them. That’s pretty easy to do usually because I’d rather have a victory for my team instead of making another person feel better about themselves. As they say, all’s fair in love and beer pong. The hardest part is when four of my really good friends face off across the table from each other and I have to choose who I’d rather see win. It’s true that you can try to root for both sides, but that rarely goes as planned. You tend to cheer louder or more often for one rather than the other and people’s feelings get hurt. The reason that I point this out is because I am sorry if I ever broke your heart by cheering against you. In week 4 I noticed this when Roberts and Erin played against the Joshes. I feel as though I root against Roberts more than I do for him, so next time I’ll promise to root for him.

Iceman’s lesson of the week – you gotta have heart if you expect to win in beer pong. If heart isn’t enough to guarantee a victory, then I suggest a dose of practice as well. Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription… is more heart! I gotta have more heart!

You know what really grinds my gears? – people who doubted me. I know that there are some of you out there who picked me to fail this year. Shame on you. I know that I’m old and quite possible past my prime, but I still have the potential to turn it up when I have to. In week 4, I shot a dead 60%. While some of you may scoff at that number and say that a blind monkey could do that while sipping espresso, I think that that is quite admirable regardless of your tenure in the league. Guess what everyone – I still got it. I still have enough heart to break out and kick some ass on the table. I sure hope that you don’t line up cross-court from me when I possess enough heart to sweep over a love-starved third-world country. Heart will trump skill any day.

Iceman's shout-outs -

Keith - fir giving me the best one-liner of the night. We played a little exhibition together, and Keith and I were discussing missing just one shot. I told him that I only had missed one shot, and without hesitation, he replied, “It was a big shot!” For those of you who are unfamiliar with the movie reference, this comes from Meet the Parents when Larry Banks (James Rebhorn) insults Greg Focker’s (Ben Stiller) water volleyball performance. It was totally unexpected and I’m glad that I have devoted my life to watching movies so that I could see the humor in his statement.

Sailor Jerry – for helping me to relax and for giving me the confidence that I needed to take home a victory in week 4. It’s always an adventure when we go out sailing.

Balkman – for having the biggest heart of almost anyone I know. Ever since I started working for you in the Terrace, I’ve referred to you as the Heart (Aris is the Brains) and both work in order to keep everything functioning properly. I don’t want to sound gay or anything, but I cannot count how many times you have cheered me up with a hug, whispered sweet reassuring comments into my ear, said you loved me and actually meant it and made me feel lucky to be your friend. You’ve always been there for me Mr. Balkman, and I value all of the time we spend together. I know that everyone is jealous (especially Josh Hansen and Matthew Overby) that I get to hang out with Balkman all day long. In case you were wondering, it rocks.

Spencer/Dan – upon meeting you guys before our match, you told me that you had heard of me and my presence in the league. Normally that would have put a little pressure on me but I have learned that this is a sign of respect and that you would continue to think the same of me if I didn’t play up to your expectations. After the game, you were really cool about your loss, and I commend you on how you both handle the game and its many twists and turns. Well done sirs, and I wish you luck on the rest of the season.

Joey Kanz – even though you stole my idea I can’t be mad because it shows that you were listening to me. When I started teaching you everything that I knew about beer pong, I never expected you to actually listen to and follow my examples. I know that you have experienced so much in beer pong in a little period of time, but I feel like there are some things about this game that I need to tell you and in some way, pass them on to the next generation. When you get to be my age, you’ll realize how cool it is that someone actually cares about what I have to say. You really have made me proud to be your partner this season.

I really should be more prompt in writing these articles because I know that I am always missing out on something. Week 5 has already come and gone while I am still putting the finishing touches on week 4, so I apologize if I missed anything important.

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time.

Until then –

I’m the teacher, man, you’re the student.

Close your ears if you feel you’re prudent

And can’t deal with the lyrics I’m steppin’ with

But they’re the lines the people are gettin’ with

A lesson well taught, here’s some more advice

I don’t sweat it on the mic

’cause I’m cool as ice.

- Iceman -
www.pookon.com

Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 3)

Beer Pong on the Rocks
By: Iceman
Week 3: “There’s No Crying in Beer Pong”

When he was 36 years old, Tom Hanks said a line that can be applied to just about anything in life when he told the girls of the Rockford Peaches, “there is no crying in baseball.” In 2005, the American Film Institute liked it so much that they listed it as the 54th best movie quote of all time. So what, you might say. What does this have to do with beer pong? Well, it’s because there is no crying in beer pong. No Time For Love Dr. Jones fell to 1-2 on the season after suffering a defeat at the hands of the Cleveland Steamers (Anthony and Dave) in a game that we could have and should have won. Here follows a rather depressing look at the game of beer pong. Although this week I will be a little pessimistic, you can bet your sweet ass that I won’t be shedding any tears over this game.

I’ve said before that beer pong is a game, and games are supposed to be fun, but when is losing ever fun? Some athletes will say that it was an honor just to play in the championship game, but you know that they are just saying that to avoid sounding like a sore loser. Why play the game if you have no intention of winning? Everyone wants to win, but there can never be a team that always wins (unless your team name is the Rusty Taints (Skemp/Keith.) Although we lost, I did learn a very important lesson about beer pong and I also made a big observation about our league.

Iceman’s lesson of the week - Beer pong is as much of a mental game as it is a physical game. Let me explain. Going into week 3, we felt that we would steamroll the Steamers with ease, and we let their season stats get to our heads. We felt that we possessed everything necessary to take home the big W from the Steamers, but apparently they came more prepared to play than we did. It came down to game 3, but we really never had a chance. Prior to the game, I mentally psyched myself out that I wouldn’t have to bring my ‘A’ game to the table in order to win. Once the game had already begun and I started drinking cups, there was no turning back from there. I was mentally out of the game before the game even began. You have to treat every game as if it were the most important game of your life, because one of these days, it will be. We never know when out time on the table is up for good, and trust me; you don’t want to go down like a bitch. You have to go out in a blaze of glory, and this can only be achieved by playing as best as you possibly can in every game. But to stay within my lesson guidelines, this doesn’t mean that you have to take every game seriously and remove the fun from it, it just means that if the game has some form of meaning, you at least have to put forth your best effort.

Pressure – Freddy Mercury and David Bowie sang about being Under Pressure, but I guarantee you that they knew nothing about the pressure that we were under. I’ll let it be known that this pressure is all self-generated by Joey Kanz and myself and we could be pressure free if only we allowed ourselves to mentally block it out. Joey Kanz performed outstanding in week 2, and even got himself a Player of the Week Award, but felt the pressure to live up to that in week 3. I’ve put myself under a lot of pressure to not only live up to the promises that I made to Kanz, but to also prove to people why I was considered a “legend”, “the face of the beer pong league”, a veteran beer pong player, etc. I’ve been mentally putting myself up on a pedestal, and it is entirely my fault every single time that I have fallen down from it. I appreciate the kind words from everyone, and although I am the Man of Ice, I’m still just a normal human being just like the rest of you. Well, maybe not Balkman. There’s something unreal about that guy…

Skill – Is it just me or has everyone’s skill level increased in this league? I am blown away by the amount of talent that fills the House on Friday nights for league matches. When I first started playing, shooting 50% was having a good night. Season 1 + 2 stats are not yet updated on the new site so I can’t verify the validity of this statement, but I’ll bet that there weren’t many people who shot above 50% in the first couple of seasons. I know that I only shot 39% in season 2 (my rookie year) and I thought that it was pretty damn good. This is no longer a league of amateurs, we’re all playing like professionals and it has made this league ultra competitive. In a way I like it because that means that any team has an equal chance at winning, but at the same time I’m upset because it no longer means that I am good at beer pong. I guess I’ll go back to distributing ice, but it’s been so long since I’ve done it that I worry that I’ve forgotten how.

Stay positive and confident – you and only you know how good you are. The only person that can beat you at your own game is yourself. I’ve previously mentioned something along these lines when I said that I shoot better cross-court, which really has no ground, but mentally I have convinced myself that I cannot shoot straight forward. I’m confident in my cross-court shooting, so I stick with it. What has worked for me in the past stills works for me in the present, so why change anything for the future? I try to keep a positive attitude and do my best when I play.

There’s probably more that I could tell you, but I’ll save it for another article. That’s your reward for sticking it through all the way to the last sentence of my last one. I hope that you enjoyed reading it, because I certainly enjoyed writing it.

You know what really grinds my gears? – being old. You veterans know what I’m talking about. Someday all of you youngsters will get to be my age and realize that it takes a full day to recover after a long night of beer pong. When I wake up on Saturday morning after playing pong until 3 am, I can barely function. Luckily the only thing that I have planned for my Saturdays is a Saved by the Bell marathon that I have set up on my DVR. Either I have to cut back on my exhibition play (likely to happen) or find the Fountain of Youth and revert back to a time when I could drink like a champ and have no side effects the next day (unlikely to happen.) Eventually, my body will tell me that it can no longer handle my beer pong habbit, and I will have to cease my play. Although I can see the end, I’m still not ready to call it quite. Just don’t make plans with me for Saturday. Nothing comes between me and my Saved by the Bell DVR marathon…

Iceman’s shout-outs –

Anthony/Dave – When preparing to play you this week I underestimated your skill level. I am impressed with your style of game play and your improvements that you have made on the table. This was one of those games where we straight up got beat by a better team. I hope that we don’t meet up in the playoffs because I don’t want to be sent home before my time is up.

Lorge/Casey – for being the best 0-3 team in the history of beer pong. I know on paper it looks bad, but I know you guys can pull it together and finish at a respectable 3-3. Regardless of the outcome, I’m incredibly thankful for everything that you have done for this league and all of the work that you both have put in to it to make it a legitimate organization. Without your hard work, we would still be 12-16 friends goofing around in a cold attic on random nights.

Iceman – for my week 2 article. I consider it to be my ‘piece de resistance’ (the outstanding item, prize piece or main exhibit in a collection) of Beer Pong on the Rocks. I know you probably think it’s lame to give a shout out to myself, but I’m proud of my 5 page single spaced article about beer pong. If only I worked this hard at schoolwork, then I wouldn’t be in my 7th year of college.

Everyone in league – at the mid-season point, it is nice to reflect back upon what has happened so far. I realize now that I’m not in this league for the beer pong; I’m in it for the people. Every week you all remind me why I keep coming here to play this game. It’s so nice to see your smiling faces, share some interesting stories, talk Brewers baseball and even to see a little skin as the night wears down. I can happily call you all my friends and I look forward to the next 3 weeks (plus playoffs.)

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time. Until then –

If your diamonds ain't shining that put that shit up

1-800-Iceman - ice yourself up

– Iceman –

www.pookon.com

Beer Pong On the Rocks - A Veteran's Insight - by Iceman (Week 2)

Beer Pong on the Rocks

By: Iceman

“Week 2: Just Because I’m Not at Work Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Follow Procedure”

Following procedure can mean a lot of things to different people, but to me it means doing something the same exact way every time that I do it. That is how I approach beer pong. Every Friday night, I get psyched up to go to league night and play some pong. Since beer pong is a procedure to me, I’ll introduce you to a few of my superstitions.

1. I always wear a bandana and loose fitting clothes while playing. I have to be in my comfort zone to avoid the beer pong danger zone.

2. I never drink beer nor do I play beer pong before a league match. This can be excruciating when I get there at 9 and don’t play until midnight, but that’s how I’ve always approached my league matches.

3. I always play on the left side of the table. I’ve played on the right during exhibition, but never during league.

4. I almost always shoot cross-court. Most people prefer head cup straight shooting, but I’ve always found that I make more cups shooting cross. When you get to be as old as me, the saying “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” almost always applies.

5. After combine, the water cup has to be on my side.

6. If we have both balls and only the kill shot remains, I have to take the first shot.

And that is my beer pong procedure. Now, on with the article that I know Overby has been waiting so patiently for…

As you know, I’ve been playing beer pong for many seasons now, and I have come to understand a lot of things about the game; some of those things I have pointed out to my rookie partner and some of those things I hope to pass on to the next generation of pong players. But one thing that I know is that I love beer pong. Sometimes I like it so much that I’m entirely focused on the game and not on the people who make the game fun. I decided for week 2 that my #1 goal was to observe the other teams playing beer pong, and now I’ll offer up some comments and observations from those matches. I’ll start out by apologizing if I don’t mention your team, there were two tables going simultaneously and I have so many friends to watch that it was impossible to see it all.

Friday Night Lights vs. Purple Parrots

I was very impressed with this matchup, for several different reasons. First off, it was good to see Mike Roberts sharing the ball once again. I do remember calling him out on the fact that he hogged the ball while playing with Anthony last year, and by the time playoffs rolled around, he was a changed man. Beer pong is a team game, which will be my beer pong lesson at the conclusion of this article. Speaking of teams, I do appreciate the effort put forth by Kim and Laura into choosing a team name and creating uniforms. Upon further investigation, I found out that the Purple Parrots were a team on the Nickelodeon show “Legends of the Hidden Temple” (1993). By that time I was 12 years old, and was too cool for Nickelodeon, so I’ve never even heard of the show. I want to congratulate Kim and Laura, because even though they lost, they eradicated the stereotype from my mind that an all-girl team is bad at beer pong. Look out for them to upset someone in the 1^st round of the playoffs…

There's no "I" in Beerpong vs. Episode VI : Return of the Brodi

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m terrified to play against Brodey and Balkman in a game that actually matters. I’ve played more games of exhibition that I care to count to against these two, but when the game is on the line, they are so money and you don’t even know it. That’s me, but when I watched Sean and Ben take on these legends I noticed something, especially from the rookie Sean. I compare him to Prince Fielder. He doesn’t have the bulk or the power, but he had the poise, patience and professionalism of someone who had been in the league for years. I saw him blow out a kill shot in game 1 then hit a kill to win the game in a 15 second span. I was very impressed with his style of game play.

You can’t talk about game play without talking about the Greatest Show on Plywood. I know it’s not their name anymore, but it rings true every time the step up to the table. What happens when you are beat in game 1 by a rookie team? Live up to your former name in game 2. Brodey and Balkman put on a textbook game of beer pong and closed it out with their signature move – the Tablebreaker. Game 3 was all Brodey/Balkman. They only shot at and hit 1 of the sets of 6 cups, which resulted in a “slide your cups over” to the center rather than a “combine.” Balkman shot and made during the combine for an instant Lorge. He then walked over and stole a ball right out of the opponent’s hand. Their game play not only resulted in a victory, but they came through with one of the most entertaining games of the night. The Godfather (Brodey) is back, so next time you see him, pay him some respect. If you don’t, he’ll put out a hit on you.

My Balls, Your Chin vs. Made You Eat Your Parents

Benny Stiemsma is a diamond in the rough that is about to be unleashed upon the world so that we all can appreciate his true beauty. I’ve always believed in Benny, and I’ve loved him from Day 1. I believe I remember saying at one time, “if it were mandatory to be gay, I would be gay with Benny.” I always knew that he was a fantastic beer pong player; he just needed the opportunity to show it. Partnering with Christian was not that opportunity, at least at first. There’s no debate when I say that Christian is one of the best beer pong players out there, but beer pong is a team game and you have to play as a team to win. Christian finally let Benny shoot and Benny is on the cusp of magnificence. Sure, the stats don’t tell the real story, but believe me when I say that he will turn heads with his impressive play. If Christian continues to share the ball, this team is infallible, mostly because Benny has what so many people are missing – the 5^th element necessary to call upon Captain Planet – Heart.

Josh Kemp and Josh Hansen need a win more than I need another beer right now. They have been one of my favorite teams to ever step up to the table, plus they have been two of the nicest most genuine guys that I have had the pleasure of engaging in conversations with. Although my sister keeps calling Josh Kemp “Luke” and Josh Hansen was a real asshole to me 1 night 2 years ago when he was wasted, I’ll still be cheering for them the rest of the season. There’s no doubt in my mind that they’ll finish at least 3-3, if not 4-2. I can’t give them the automatic 4-2 because week 5 they will be playing Overby/Amie, which is my favorite beer pong team this year.

Overby/Amie vs. Dropping a Deuce

I hate to play favorites and make this a popularity contest, but if you want your opinion heard then write your own damn column. Overby/Amie is my favorite beer pong team this year. They have the perfect genetic makeup to be the best team. They have enough skill, beauty, intelligence, Brewers knowledge and charisma to overcome all odds that stand in their way They may not win a championship, but I guarantee you that they’ll share an experience that is unrivaled anywhere else in life. Now, on with the game.

I knew that this game would be very evenly matched. Weiser and Overby are similar in skill, and they both have enough sense to pick an excellent partner. Amie was strong last season, and it looks like Katee has stepped her game up to the next level. I knew this one would go shot for shot. When this happens, it is very important to get hot at the right moment, and always play for game 3. When 2 evenly teams meet in game 3, the previous 2 no longer matter. People may have their theories on momentum, but I think game 3 is up for grabs to the first team that gets hot and rides it to victory. Games 3 brings out the best or worst in us because your back is now against the wall and it is win or go home.

That in when I noticed a few things about Overby. It is something that I would like to touch upon; it is something that I call Beer Pong Attitude. BPA is present in all of us as we play our games, and just like regular attitude, it fluctuates between positive and negative depending on the situation. Basically, if you are playing well and hitting cups, you have a positive BPA. Adversely, if you are missing shots and beating yourself up, then you have negative BPA. C’mon Iceman, you say, all that you have done is stated the obvious. So what? Why does this matter? It matters because beer pong is as much of a mental game as it is a physical game, which will actually be my beer pong lesson next week, but I’ll give you a tease. Beer pong mentality affects beer pong physicality. If you think positively, positive things will happen. Mind controls muscles that shoot the ball, if clouded your mind is, cups you will not hit. It’s as simple as that. I’ll be blunt for a second – don’t beat yourself up after a missed shot Overby, while you were punching the wall Amie made a shot that kept you in the game. A good partner is able to carry you/keep you in the game even when you aren’t playing your best beer pong. You ended up winning because of your team, not because of a single person.

Although he had some negative BPA, all of that faded away once it came down to the kill. I’ll try to keep this brief, seeing as Overby and I had a 20-minute conversation on this, but it might not happen. When Overby is standing at the opposite end of a kill shot, he calms himself by facing 90 degrees to the left of the cup. He takes a deep breath (one that involves his entire upper body), turns, then hits the kill. If this sounds familiar, it’s because it is very similar to what Derrick Turnbow does before firing a 98 mph pitch towards home plate. And although Overby idolizes the Brewers, that’s not the reason that he does it. He does it because it slows the game down and allows him to play at his level. It’s just as much of a physical move as it is a mental one. I encourage you to watch him the next time that he attempts a kill. Sure, you may laugh, trust me, he said that he has had his share of doubters, but it works. I have seen it with my own eyes. When he set himself up for this Turnbow move, there was no doubt in my mind that this game was over. He tried to explain his actions but it was unnecessary because I completely understand why he does it. You’re talking to the guy who traces a line across the table before he used to shoot. I believe that move is called the Iceman Slide. I look forward to watching the rest of you season unfold, and I believe that you will lead the league in quality starts.

No Time for Love Dr. Jones vs. Stalvey’s Rejects

What would an Iceman article be like without a mention of his own team? I will start out by saying that my game play was atrocious. Not to take anything away from my opponents (Chris Hummel and Katie Jesse are both fabulous players) but I was off this week. That is why it is important to understand that beer pong is a team game. Unless you are Skemp or Riley, you will not be on fire every single week. Joey Kanz carried me this week by shooting 65% while hitting 2 kills shots. Not bad for a 2^nd week rookie. I almost gave the game away by allowing Hummel to get 5 steals off of me in 2 games, but thankfully Kanz dominated after the combine in game 2. We got our first victory as a team, congratulations from Christian for conserving beer, and I got a nice view of the future if we both get hot at the same time. Other than that I really didn’t pay much attention to our game because I was too focused on the goal – the almighty W.

Iceman’s lesson of the week – beer pong is a team game. I think I’ve already explained that one over the course of this week’s diary.

You know what really grinds my gears? – There’s not enough beer to play exhibition. I guess I could easily solve that problem by bringing over a 30 pack, but I came here to play beer pong, not to go home at 12:30 still sober. I only live 1 block away. I wanna stumble home wasted, because man I love pullin' my gun out when I go into my apartment because it scares my cat half to death. Mitchell!

Iceman’s shout outs –

Fresno Chris – I know you already played your week 3 game, but you already have amassed 6 kill shots in 3 weeks. That’s impressive, seeing as how you had to step out from behind a rather large but albeit handsome looking shadow for this season. Keep up the good work buddy. I wish you and Salmon Godspeed in your quest for greatness.

Brodey/Balkman – for living up to your former team name and making beer pong entertaining for people to watch. If beer pong ever becomes mainstream we’ll need more teams like yours to keep the audience enraptured. (Of course we can always encourage the play along at home aspect of the game.)

Christian – I know that I discretely and indirectly tore you apart last week in my grinds my gears segment, but I had to say it. You have proven me wrong by allowing Benny to morph into the player he has become. Although I can’t take back what I have said before, I appreciate everything that you are doing for this league.

Everyone else in the league that I did not mention – Don’t worry. I’ll be getting around to you in the coming weeks. We still have some more time to get to know each other over a plastic cup of room temperature beer or across the table from each other.

Lastly, Joey Kanz – I promised that I’d shoot a dead 50% this year, and I failed on my promise. Thankfully, beer pong is a team game and you were able to carry me in week 2. It’s good to know that I can count on you on and off the table. I’m also taken aback that you have been paying attention to my beer pong lessons and following them. I hate to say it, but I was right. You really made me proud in Week 2.

Well, it’s time for me to rock and ride my friends, so I guess I’ll see you next time.
Until then –

You’re as cold as ice, you’re willing to sacrifice our love.
You never take advice, someday you’ll pay the price, I know.

- Iceman -

www.pookon.com