Corey Hart is a Bitch

Let me start out by saying that I've always liked Corey Hart. Alcohol has made me forget a lot of things, but I'm 99% sure that I'm right on this one. Corey Hart's first at bat with the Milwaukee Brewers happened late in the 2004 season. He came in as pinch hitter, and hit a foul ball that clanked off of the .300 Club (now the Metavante Club) in the 3rd deck. It was just barely foul, and would have been a booming home run if he could have kept it fair. He ended up striking out, but got a standing ovation from the crowd in his only at bat of that year. At that point, the fans were so excited about these youngsters who were on the verge of taking over this team. In 2005 he only played in 21 games and hit .193. In 2006 he was splitting time in right field with Geoff Jenkins, and he only played in 87 games but hit .283 with 9 HRs and 33 RBI. 2007 was his breakout season, and as the everyday right fielder he played in 140 games and hit .295 with 24 HRs, 81 RBIs and 24 stolen bases. He also played some good defense and had only 3 errors. He was also clocked as the fastest Brewers player in Spring Training, and I wore my sunglasses at night, screamed out "I Hart you Corey" from the right field bleachers and I often would say that Corey Hart ran like a gazelle. That is a compliment, as gazelles are some of the most graceful and fastest creatures on the planet. In 2008, he had a terrific first half on the season, and he was a candidate for the 2008 All-Star Game Final Vote, which he would end up winning. I was extremely supportive of him, and even installed a widget on this blog so that people could come here to cast their vote. I remember yelling out, "#1 on the field, #1 in your Harts!!" at the game, which became one of my signature cheers. I own a Corey Hart jersey, and counted myself as one of his biggest supporters. Then why would I say that he is a bitch? If you remember the 2nd half of the 2008 season onward, then you need not ask. But read on anyway.

Corey Hart completely fell apart after the All-Star break. I don't have the split stats to back it up, but in 2008 in 157 games he finished with a line of .268, 21 HRs, 91 RBIs and 23 stolen bases. You're probably saying that's not that bad, right? Consider that he had 109 strike outs and an on base percentage of .300, and you start to scrap the surface of how bad he really was. Anyone who watched the Brewers in 2008 saw that Corey Hart put up one of the biggest piece of shit half seasons the MLB has ever seen. I remember in the final game of the 2008 season, when the Brewers were at home against the Cubs and needed a win to advance to the playoffs. It was in the 7th inning, Ray Durham led off with a double, then Ryan Braun grounded out to 3rd, with Durham advancing to 3rd on the play. Prince Fielder was intentionally walked, then JJ Hardy walked on 4 straight pitches. Corey Hart stepped up to the plate in a career defining at bat; one that would cement his place in Brewers lore as they were trailing 1-0 at the time. Remember that Sean Marshall of the Cubs just threw 8 straight balls (4 intentional to Prince Fielder and 4 non intentional to JJ Hardy)? COREY HART SWUNG AT AND MISSED 3 STRAIGHT SLIDERS LOW AND AWAY AND STRUCK OUT SWINGING WITH THE BASES LOADED IN ONE OF THE WORST AT BATS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. I have never been more upset in my entire life at someone who wasn't a murderer or a child rapist. I don't like to boo my own players, but on that day I booed the shit out of Corey Hart as he walked back to the dugout. If it wasn't for Craig "Clutch" Counsell (C3) who drew a walk tying the game at 1, Corey Hart may have been blamed for the loss. As everyone knows, with the game tied at 1-1, Ryan Braun hit a home run in the 8th inning that still gives me chills, and thanks to CC Sabathia's complete game, the Brewers won the Wild Card and made the playoffs for the first time in 26 years. The rest is history.

But why is Corey Hart a bitch you ask? Aside from his poor play in the 2nd half of 2008, his 2009 season was far worse. He played in only 115 games and had a batting average of .260, with 12 home runs and 48 RBIs. Naysayers will point out that he missed nearly 1 1/2 months due to emergency appendectomy surgery in August, which came at a time when he was just heating up at the plate. That's no excuse, as he already was having a dismal season where he couldn't do anything right. He ended up finishing the 2009 season with an on base percentage of .335, which was better than last year, but not nearly good enough for someone of his speed and baserunning skills. So all of that is in the past, but when thing has to be mentioned before I go into my rant about how I no longer "Hart" Corey. If you don't understand the arbitration process, let me breka it down for you right quick. A team owns the rights to a player for something like 6 years once they get to the majors, and for the first 2 or 3 years they are in the majors, the team controls their salary and they most likely make the major league minimum. After that, the player is allowed to file for an amount they feel that they are worth, and the team counters with the amount that they think that player is worth. In an ideal situation, both sides meet at the midpoint of the 2 figures, and that results in the players salary for that year. If they cannot compromise, it goes before an arbitration panel of 3 judges who decide on one or the other, and that is the amount that that player makes in a year. I know this is boring an technical stuff, but so is a lot of things in baseball. In 2008 Corey Hart filed for a salary of $3.8 million in his 1st year of arbitration, while the Brewers offered $2.7 million. On the night before going before the panel of arbitration judges, they settled on salary of $3.25 million. Corey Hart goes on to have a disappointing 2009 season, as I have previously pointed out.

Fast forward to 2010. Thank you for bearing with me, as I found it necessary to present the evidence before I make my claim that Corey Hart is a bitch. I already presented Hart's 2009 statistics (.260, 12 HR, 48 RBI, .335 OBP), and for the 2010 season he filed for a salary of $4.8 million, a RAISE of $1 million from the previous year in which he sucked balls at the plate and missed time due to injury. Think about it for a second. If you missed time at work, sucked at your job then asked your boss for A MILLION DOLLAR RAISE at your job, how do you think your boss would react?!? They would probably show you the door and hire someone who was younger, cheaper and could do a more efficient job than you could. Corey Hart is a mother fucker for thinking that he deserves more money after a season in which he let down over 3 million fans who came to see him play at Miller Park. Some people might blame the system and the fact that MLB does not have a salary cap, which leads to some players making ridiculous amounts of money. I blame the players, because they are simply abusing and taking advantage of the system in place that governs the salaries of the players. But then I must also blame the system too. I don't want to go into that today, but without a salary cap, teams like the Milwaukee Brewers will never be able to win a World Series if teams like the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox and Philadelphia Phillies can spend as much money as the want to buy a championship. So where was I? Oh yeah, Corey Hart is a bitch if he thinks that he is worth $4.8 million dollars. If you ask me, I don't think that he is worth $4.80. I'd rather have Frank "The Tank" Cattalonatto in right field, if nothing more than to hear The Outfield's "Your Love" every time that he steps up to the plate. I used to "Hart" Corey, but now I find myself feeling deep hate and disdain for him. I can't believe that he is asking for more money after the horrendous season that he had. Doug Melvin has a clean track record of settling with players on a salary for the upcoming season, and has yet to go before the arbitration panel. Corey Hart may change that in 2010, because he's being a stubborn bitch who thinks that he is better than he actually is. I know that he has a family small children, and is trying to make enough for his future, but what can you buy for $4.8 million that you can't buy for $4.15 million (which is the amount that the Brewers have offered him for 2010)? I only make $28,000 a year, which seems like a lot to you kids (Brian, Stacy and Kevin) but it is pocket change compared to Hart's $4+ million he will make this year. And to be quite honest with you, he doesn't deserve that. Not at all. Given his decline in the last few years, I wish we could give him less money, but unfortunately the arbitration process doesn't work that way. So he will end up making a ton of money, and unless he hopefully rebounds in 2010, he will enrage the fans once again. Corey Hart is no stranger to enraging the fans. In September of 2008 the Brewers had just completed a 3-7 homestand and were slipping from the Wildcard lead. Corey Hart's poor play in the second half helped contribute to this, and the fans would often boo him when he showed a complete lack of discipline at the plate. The Brewers were going on the road to play Philadelphia and he had this to say about the people who pay his salary. "Actually, it felt more like a home game than playing in Miller Park," said Hart, who has no home runs and two RBI this month. "We didn't hear the boos that we sometimes hear at home. That's the way it goes. Everybody's expecting (the team) to win. I guess they have a reason to be frustrated because we haven't been winning. "It's not a lack of hustle or effort. A guy makes an error, a guy strikes out and you hear your home town booing you. It makes you ready to get out of there and go somewhere else for awhile. I think we're all looser here." So Hart would rather be somewhere else than Miller Park. So go there. What's stopping you ya bum? He's been the fodder of trade rumors for some time now, and the only reason that we haven't traded him is that there is no viable younger and less expensive talent in the minors to replace him. Or at least none of those outfielders are major league ready yet. But as soon as they are I want Corey Hart out of town and headed to the next place that wants to deal with his shit.

Wow. Can't believe that I ranted that long on Corey Hart. That just goes to show you how passionate I am about my team. I know I wanted to say it for a long time, but FUCK COREY HART. There. It has been said now. I haven't been this upset since 4th and 26. And there's not many times that I hate a player on my team as much as I hate a player on the Chicago Cubs. Corey might as well put on the traitor jersey and play on the North side, and catch fly balls up against the gay shrubbery on the brick walls. Fuck Corey Hart and fuck him for thinking that he is worth a God Damn cent. He is being a bitch right now and I will no longer support him unless he proves that he has learned plate discipline and takes a fucking walk when the pitcher pitches him low and outside. I've backed Corey Hart since Day 1, and will continue to do so if he proves to me that he was who I thought he was. And if he isn't, then I will stop at nothing to get someone to play right field who can live up to the hype. It's starting to look like Doug Melvin will have to go to his 1st arbitration hearing as GM of the Brewers because Corey Hart fails to realize how much of a bitch he really is. His unwillingness to see how much he sucked and compromise at a fair salary of $4.4 million is upsetting. I'm tired of his bitchy antics and will focus my attention elsewhere. Even though it is the offseason, I got Brewers on the brain. Not a day goes by that I'm not thinking about my team, and if you ever want to have an educational discussion about the Boys in Blue, let me know. But just makes sure that you bring the knowledge if you want to discuss the Crew, because I've had enough of the uninformed fuckers who call into AM 1250 WSSP. No one (besides Tim and Sparky) have any idea what they are talking about. You know how to reach me; rant over. Let's go Brewers, and keep on Turnin' Up the Heat!

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Onions make Hotdogs tasty

(from the Lost Archives - date unknown, probably spring 2009)


(from the Current Archives - Wednesday, November 18, 2009)

As you can see from the entry of the Lost Archives, there is nothing there. This must have been one of those ideas that I came up with and never expounded on it. I was probably drunk one night, and in my inebriated state, ate some hot dogs with onions and came up with this genius observation. But let's break this thing down a little bit. First off, hot dogs are already tasty. I know that might change depending on who you talk to, but I think that the majority if Americans would answer yes to the question, "Are hotdogs tasty?" So already the dog alone makes it tasty. Then you add a bun into the mix. To be honest with you, I don't think this changes anything. Unless you have flavored bread or one with some awesome seasoning, bread just tastes like nothing. I figure the hotdog bun to just be a container in which to hold all the awesomeness, which we will get into in a moment. For me, a hotdog needs to have ketchup. That is the bare minimum amount of condiments that I must put on my dog before consuming it. Of course I like to have more, because who doesn't? If someone were to give you the choice between having 1 (for the sake of argument, we'll use widgets) widget or having 5 widgets, you'd choose 5 widgets, right? No? Oh yeah, you'd probably not put widgets on your hotdog because widgets are an economic term used to describe an unnamed or hypothetical manufactured article. A widget is also a small mechanical device, as a knob or switch, especially one whose name is not known or cannot be recalled; a gadget. What kind of savage psycho puts that shit on a hotdog?

I'll tell you in my ideal world what I would put on my hotdog - everything in the picture to the left. But I wouldn't call it a Chicago Dog for 2 reasons - I hate Chicago and because I improve upon this design. I add ketchup and sauerkraut to make it a true Milwaukee Dog. If I wanted to be quite honest with you, then I would say that I stole the idea from Mad Dog Jake's up in Boulder Junction and that it is actually called a Mad Dog. I've been going to Boulder Junction (a small town even further North and West than Eagle River) since I was a little kid. When I joined Boy Scouts, I was excited to find out that our week long Summer Camp was at nearby Jag Lake. And I also heard that at some point doing the week we'd take the 5 mile hike into Boulder Junction. That probably doesn't seen very exciting to you, but unless you are one of the adults at summer camp, you aren't allowed to have soda or candy at camp. While this seems trivial now, think about how horrifying that is as a kid or a teenager. When we went into Boulder Junction, we could gorge ourselves silly, as long as we were able to make the walk back. So it became a challenge of finding that fine line between being extremely satisfied and being overly stuffed. I always made sure to stop at Mad Dog Jake's with Mike Bates and grab a Mad Dog and some ice cream. And although I haven't been back there since (something like 10 years now) it will always be the best hot dog I've ever had in my entire life. And also one of my best memories of all time.

(from the even more Current Archives 1/21/2010)

I don't know what makes up a hotdog. I could Google it and see some sick shit, but for once (if anyone follows my blog or website) I'm refraining from looking up information because I don't want to know it instead of my usual not doing it because I am lazy. I love hotdogs so much that I straight up refuse to compromise my love for them. Two of my favorite meals involve hotdogs - SuperMac (which is macaroni and cheese with hotdogs and extra cheeses) and Ghettio (spaghettios with hotdogs). And then of course is the tie between hotdogs and sporting events, mainly baseball. I love grilling out and tailgaiting, and hotdogs make me think of summer. If you live in Wisconsin or have ever visited here, you know how much we look forward to our summers because winter sucks balls. So I'm going to go on the record by saying that I love hotdogs, onions do make them tasty and this summer I will go back to Boulder Junction for a Mad Dog at Mad Dog Jake's. Fire up the grill, open up a cold one, grab out the condiments and eat the shit out of a hotdog. Trust me, it will remind you of the better days to come and help get you through the cold winter. Stay warm my friends.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast - Episode 8: WSoBP V Wrap-Up

One of my main goals at the WSoBP was to get the guys together and recap each days events. But since we all did so poorly each day, I had to wait for the right moment to approach them about joining me for a taping of the Pookcast. That moment occurred the morning after Day 3 of the tournament, when we goofed around Vegas-style instead of playing beer pong. To be quite honest with you, I'm sure that all of us would've traded in our day of fun for a playoff berth and a shot at $50,000. But we did have tons of fun, and it was the only reason why I enjoyed my time out in Las Vegas. We sat down and goofed around, and I had to split the video into 3 parts because it was so long. We could talk for hours about our beer pong adventures, but hopefully this video gives you a taste of what it is like to be out there with us. If we decide to go back for WSoBP VI (the jury is still out on that one, and it will be for quite a while) we hope that you will join us and finally get to experience this beer pong event for yourself. Enjoy the Pookcast, and once again thank you for checking out all of the sites in the Pookon Empire. Your faithfulness will not go unrewarded. As soon as I can figure out how to reward you that is. Later dudes!

Part 1



Part 2



Part 3




- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5 : Brief Wrap-up

I'm at the airport right now, and my flight back to Wisconsin boards in about a half hour. I'm tired beyond belief, and my tummy is still doing flips after eating a double In-N-Out Burger with Animal Fries this morning. There's so much that I would like to write about, but the majority of it was touched upon in an episode of the Pookcast that I filmed with Kanz, Brodey and Casey this morning. I will post that either tonight or sometime tomorrow, so I don't want to spoil the details of that before it is available here on this blog. After I post it, I will write something up in case I missed some details. And of course, pictures and captions will eventually be posted on pookon.com once I finish Afterglow 2009 and all of the other pictures from last year that I didn't get around to completing yet. So stay tuned for that shit.

The main reason that I wanted to post something on here was just to tell everyone that I am still alive and made it through another year in Las Vegas. Just barely though. I'm coming home without a lot of money, and will have to spend money once I get home to fix things I broke while I was out here. And I sucked balls at beer pong, so it will take a lot of reflection and convincing myself that I had a good time out here and that I should go back next year. There's not much more that I can do at this time, as I am starting to fall asleep at the airport bar. I guarantee that I will pass out on the airplane back home, and once I get home I'll probably crash hard. The good news is that I don't have to work tomorrow, so after sleeping this weekend off, I will have some time to post things if I feel like it. Can't promise anything. I'm just lucky to be alive still.

So that does it for now. Be back with more later if I successfully wake up tomorrow morning. As my cousin Tommy says, "I hope so." I hope so too Tommy. I hope so too.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5 - Day 2

It's about 4am on Monday January 4th. Day 2 of WSoBP 5 ended about 9 hours ago or something. Sorry for the delay in getting something on here, but if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, then you already know that Day 2 (and this year's WSoBP in general) has not been very kind to me. Call it lack of practice, lack of focus and energy, increased competition or whatever other excuses I can pull out to blame for our performance, but we didn't do well. At all. There was not even one game that stands out where I could honestly say that we played up to our capacity and dominated someone. It looks like we finished 288 out of 468 teams, by far my worst showing ever. 5-7 with a -5 cup differential. The most we ever won by was 4 cups, and the most we lost by was 6 cups. And it's not like our opponents did that well either (although 6 of the 12 teams we faced did make Day 3) since most of the games were pretty close. So that's the day in a nutshell. If I want to be depressing about it I can keep going on with statistics and sad stories. But I'll spare us both and try to pick out a few good things that happened today.

Brodey and Casey were scheduled to play one of the hired girls teams (X-Burlesque One, from the show in the Flamingo) on the featured table, but the chicks didn't show up. They got the win, and Kanz and I played them in a game we dubbed the Milwaukee Classic. In the end, Kanz and I ended up winning, but it wasn't about the end result. This was just an old school game of Milwaukee Beer Pong between old friends, and it couldn't have been anymore fun. We busted out old shots like Salmon-style goofy shots including the Zeus, fade away jumpers and no look quick shots. This match certainly wiped the bad taste out my mouth from all the losing. If only the other games could have been like this, then this trip would have been so much more fun. I guess that's why we play beer pong back home, so that the games can be just about a bunch of friends having fun instead of intense competition with strangers trying to win prize money. Then during his last match of the day, I coerced Brodey into taking his pants off. I know that that sounds pretty gay, but for those of you who haven't been around Milwaukee Beer Pong, somewhere during any beer pong event, Brodey and Balkman eventually play a game in their boxers. Brodey is a ridiculously skinny guy, so seeing him without baggy clothes is a little jarring. But it is also hilarious at the same time. The distraction worked really well, but as Brodey put it, Milwaukee brought plenty of defense but not enough offense to WSoBP 5.

So that's a little of how today played out. I plan on filming an episode of the Pookcast tomorrow morning when Kanzy-pants wakes up. I want to get him on there and talk beer pong. And hopefully tomorrow we will focus more on the positives instead of the negatives as we do a retrospective of our careers rather than a WSoBP wrap-up that includes our failures. Maybe I'll be able to get Casey and Brodey too, so you'll have a true insight into our storied beer pong history. Whatever the case may be, I want to thank you once again for taking the time to check out this site. Sorry that I don't have a lot of good news for ya, but that's the way it goes sometimes I guess. Take care of yourselves, have a nice day, and continue to check back for more updates. Even though I won't be playing in Day 3, I'm still in Vegas. Which means that there will be no shortage of situations and drama that I can and will get myself involved in. Later dudes.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast - Episode 7: World Series of Beer Pong Day 1

I went back to my room after the events of Day 1 played itself out, and had a little time to reflect on the fact that N-Ice Kanz finished at 3-3. It's not great, but it's ok. If we make a run tomorrow we still can make the playoffs on Day 3. But we need to at least go 5-1 with a high cup margin or go 6-0 to guarantee a spot in the final bracket. So things are looking OK but not great. I vented a little and let my sillies out during this Pookcast, although you might think that I was too serious about the game of beer pong. Like it or not, beer pong is a sport and not just a recreational activity. Or at least for aging veterans like me. I've been there since the birth of the sport, and until now I've watched my baby develop into the behemoth it has become. This year may be my last, but if I get the feeling next year I may be back. That's the beauty of this game; you may give up on beer pong but beer pong will never give up on you. So I'll keep playing until I lose the love for the game. That has yet to happen, so stick with me for a few more games while I figure this shit out. Once again, thanks for visiting Pookon's Ill Blog, Pookon.com and all of the other sites in the Pookon Empire. Take care of yourself my friend.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookon.com@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5

So I’ve been up since about 5:30 am, since my flight was at 7:15am this morning. I was up until about 3:30am watching Full House and drinking, well knowing that I had to be up early for my flight. I wanted to bed because I wanted to be well rested for the 5^th World Series of Beer Pong, but I’d much rather laugh along with the laugh track when Uncle Jessie says, “Have mercy.”, Stephanie says, “How rude.” and Michelle says, “You got it dude!” Apparently watching a show that I grew up with that I have seen a million times was more important than sleep. If I had to do it all over again, I’d totally stay up idolizing Uncle Joey’s sweet ass mullet. I’m pretty sure that I slept on the plane, but you might want to ask the 2 hot 21 year olds that sat next to me. They probably noticed that I was sleeping instead of listening to them gush about this being their first time to Las Vegas and that they were going to put all their pictures up on MySpace. Who the hell uses that site anymore anyway? Well, except for the Back Alley Burners. We need that shit to promote out burn worthy material. But these chicks should have been hopping on the Facebook train by now. Even church ladies rock the Facebook for their social bible reading connections. Fucking kids have to get with the now.

When I landed in Vegas, it was something like 9am, and I had so much time and so little to do. I started out by getting a free lift to the Flamingo, courtesy of the Mark Travel Corporation (my employer) who owns Showtime Tours, who do all sorts of shit in Vegas including roundtrip airport transfers. I couldn’t check into the hotel yet, so I hung out with Billy, Duncan, Skinny and the rest of the Bpong Staff while they set shit up. Sooner rather than later, my stomach was grumbling for food and my head was aching for some booze to get me in the Vegas mindset. I met up with some friends at O’Shea’s (a small Irish casino next to the Flamingo that has beer pong going 24/7) but didn’t really feel like playing beer pong. I think that’s the feeling of this trip so far – I love being out here and seeing these people, but I don’t really care to play. Hopefully that will change tomorrow when the tournament starts or else I’m in trouble. But I have a feeling that once I step up to the table in a competitive atmosphere, I will kick it into high gear and win some games. I figure we need a 9-3 record to guarantee a playoff spot, since obviously last year’s 8-4 record isn’t good enough to make the playoffs. More on that tomorrow though when the tournament starts going.

So I decided to walk around and check some shit, mainly the newest addition to Las Vegas – the City Center by MGM. This site has been under construction for the last few years, and now it is finally close to being finished. I wanted to see it because at my job we build hotel packages, and we had to create and maintain new codes and profiles for the two new properties Aria and Vdara. I thought that they were done really well, and that the architecture was fantastic. It is mostly done with glass windows, and resembles something that you would see in downtown Chicago or New York City, and not side by side next to themed hotels like New York New York and the Bellagio. My favorite part is how everything was colored in Earthy tones, which made the inside feel like a rainforest. There was a waterfall outside lightly cascading down a rock face, which made it sound like wind blowing through the rainforest. Not that I would know what that would sound like though. My white ass has never been to the jungles of the Congo. I didn’t hang out with gorillas and shoot at them with diamond powered lasers. I ended up winning some money there ($80 at one time, most of which I sadly put back into the machine) then went to the Walgreens to buy cigars and energy drinks to make Shrek’s Piss tomorrow morning. I stopped to buy a 40 of Mickey’s, and proceeded to drink that while watching the Bellagio fountains. Then I did some gambling at Wild Bill’s Saloon and Casino, lost some money, but got some “free drinks” out of it. So now Joey Kanz is here and we are in the hotel room. We are about to check in for the WSoBP tournament then grab a bite to eat at the greatest restaurant in the world – In-N-Out Burger. We also plan on hitting up Main Street Station’s microbrewery tonight, and for at least a little well, despite the reason we are out here, beer pong will be the last thing on my mind. I’m here to have fun, and I can’t really have fun if I’m stressed out about this shit. So tomorrow morning I will wake up and start drinking, then see where all this takes me. I don’t really have a good internet connection, so the best way to follow the happenings of the tournament is to check out my twitter page at www.twitter.com/pookondotcom. They are all shorts blobs of shit, but I try to be informative and funny in 140 characters, so it’s worth checking out.

Maybe I’ll try to type some more later, but chances are you won’t hear from me until tomorrow. And that is a good thing, because that means that I was having too much fun tonight to bother to update shit. So thanks for reading, and stay tuned to semi-live coverage from the 5^th World Series of Beer Pong.

Pookcast Episode 6 (Christmas)

In what looks like a new Holiday tradition, we filmed a new episode of the Pookcast on Christmas Day. I talk to so many people who can't stand going over to their relative's houses and try to avoid holiday gatherings. I don't understand that one bit, probably because my family is the coolest fucking family in the entire world. Not even the Wilsons (Owen and Luke), Sheens (Charlie, Martin and Emilio Estevez) or the Stillers (Ben and Jerry) are cooler than us, no matter what the movie going public thinks. Truth be told, I'd rather hang out with my family (Kevin included) than any of my friends. That's no slight against my friends at all, but just goes to show that my family rules. On Thanksgiving we filmed one of the most random episodes ever, so I tried to replicate that once again on Christmas. While you can never recreate that same kind of magic, Brian, Stacy, Stefani and I created a brand new beast. This episode once again featured a few not so surprise guests, and I hope you like it. I added a few new effects, so please be sure to leave a comment. And make sure you continue the adventure below with part 2. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season, and check back often for updates from the World Series of Beer Pong (January 1-5 2010) as I will be updating my blog and twitter page (twitter.com/pookondotcom) frequently. Enjoy the Pookcast. Later dudes.

Part 1



Part 2



- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

"I Hope Not!"

I found this on the internet while working on Thursday - Day 6 of Afterglow 2009. There's this picture of Tommy crossing his fingers and saying, "I hope not" (check out track #12) in the Will Ferrell Harry Caray voice. This was of course from a SNL skit Space The Infinite Frontier with Will Ferrell and Jeff Goldblum. It was one of the funniest things to ever come out of SNL, and we spent our entire summer quoting this 5 minute skit. We did other things too, but that was one of the more memorable things from this past summer. Any time someone set us up for it, like my Mom saying, "it looks like it is going to rain tonight" we'd cross our fingers, bobble our heads and reply, "I hope not!" Tommy does it the best, and is the closest thing to hearing Will Ferrell or Harry Caray say those three little words. Have fun with this one.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

I Wanna Be... The 2009 Edition

Back in 2005 (when I first started this blog, geez can't believe that I've had this thing for almost 5 years) I started a "bucket list" of things that I wanted to be. When you were a child the sky was the limit. You always wanted to grow up to be an astronaut, a fireman or a video game programmer. Hell, I wanted to be a Ghostbuster. And somewhere along the way you grow up and forget about those dreams. And then you are 28 years old and work in a cubicle doing data entry for a travel company. But back in 2005 I started a mostly bogus list of things that I wanted to be. Some of them are achievable, and if I had a list like Jason Lee on "My Name is Earl" I probably could cross them off in due time. But some of them are so far-fetched that I'd need a Robin Williams Genie and more than 3 wishes to make them happen. But all of them are incredibly hilarious and completely random. It's one of those ideas that I wish I would have kept going throughout the years, but after a 4 year hiatus I am bringing them back. So now I present to you the 2009 Edition of I Wanna Be... And make sure you check the Archives on the right and go all the way back to 2005 and see the things that I wanted be back then.

A puppeteer in Jim Henson's Workshop so I can stick my hand up some Muppet ass, #1 on iTunes top podcast list and have the Pookcast available for download around the world, in Beverly Hills cause that's where I wanna be, in my upstairs neighbor's nightly bowling league, didgeridoo player #38,697 in Dewey Cox's army of 50,000 didgeridoos, the Beer that made Milwaukee Famous, a higher rank than Andy on the Richter Scale, a patron in the waiting room in the Play Doh Barber Shop, the first person to successfully check out of and leave the Hotel California, Ram-Man in the upcoming He-Man and the Masters of the Universe remake, an F5 tornado, Jelly from the Southside, a regular caller into The Usinger's Baseball Post Game Show who is eternally positive so that I balance out Peanut Butter from the North Side, a 5G network and have a map big enough to cover aliens in space and dwarf Verizon's 3G network and Sprint's 4G network, able to melt in your mouth and not in your hand, the Prom Queen like Carla, the Cow that started the Great Chicago Fire, a bigger science guy than Bill Nye the Science Guy, the person who pushes the planchette on the Ouija (Luigi) Board when we are in Jim and Mary's basement trying to summon the ghost of Chris Farley, an astronaut 'cause we're all astronauts, confident enough with my sexuality to say that it isn't gay to stare at David Bowie's package at the end of Labyrinth, the alley cat who pops out of the garbage can so that kids at Chuck E Cheese's can throw plastic balls at me, beautiful to look at... precious to hold... if you break it... consider it SOLD, Mrs. Claus' lawyer negotiating the movie rights for The Night Santa Went Crazy, be the one that parties like it's Will2K when everyone else is partying like it's 1999, the One and take the Red Pill so I can stay in Wonderland and see how deep the rabbit hole goes, Tres Locos Man's sidekick Taquito, one of Michael Hupy's Associates, the 6th member of Broken Lizard, the Them in Bonnie Rait's "Let's Give Them Something to Talk About", singing Whale Songs with Boyang, where the Wild Things Are, The Biggest Loser, too loud like Stacy and Stefani, too cool for school, the one they call for a good time, On the road again, up on the stage, playin' star again and turn the page, the first person to count to infinity, beloved by everyone in San Diego, a Jukebox Hero, the prize in the Cracker Jack Box, the person who doesn't want to work but instead wants to bang on the drum all day, the Man in the Yellow Hat, the San Francisco Treat, able to come up with more things that I wanna be every few months instead of every few years...

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 5 (Thanksgiving)

I promised my cousins that they could appear in an episode of the Pookcast, and Thanksgiving was the perfect time to get them involved. We were all together at Uncle Rick's house, and after dinner we had a few cocktails, and the rest is history. Go ahead and watch, but if you are offended by swear words or partial nudity, then please don't watch. The last thing that I need is some church group or a cadre of mothers tearing down my door trying to chase me out of town with torches and pitchforks. Save that shit for Frankenstein. So you have been warned. Once you press play there is no turning back, and I promise your life will be forever changed after that moment. It may be good or it may be bad, but it will be changed.

Part 1



Part 2




- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 4 (Beer Pong Edition) - Part 1

I went down to Columbia, South Carolina to visit my Brother James and his fiance Melissa. I had intended to do a Sports Edition of the Pookcast, but James respectfully declined. I had a lot of interesting questions to ask him, but he didn't want to be on camera. Although I don't understand why (because I live my life in the public eye of the internet courtesy of pookon.com, pookon's ill blog, facebook and twitter) but I have to respect his decision. So I film a Sports Edition later sometime featuring the one and only Brian Kurutz. But I did play some beer pong down there at this bar called SCHOONERS, and after coming come drunk decided to film a beer pong edition. So here is a beer pong edition of the Pookcast (because more editions will follow giving daily updates from the World Series of Beer Pong) for your enjoyment.

Part 1

Part 2



- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

New Hunger Strike : Day 1

So I decided to do another hunger strike, but this one will have a limited time frame instead of being open ended like the last one. For those of you who don't remembered, I stopped eating for no reason and made it 4 days before shoving food in my mouth. This time around, I'm only going to do it for today (Tuesday) and tomorrow (Wednesday) before resuming eating on Thursday, which is Thanksgiving. To ask a Kurutz / Reck not to eat on Thanksgiving is like asking babies not to cry and shit themselves. Some things just happen. But this time around I kind of do have a reason for doing it.

I have been pretty sick lately. Not sick enough to think that it is the swine flu or sick enough to go to the doctor, but still pretty sick for me. I only get sick like 2 times a year, and when I got sick about 2 weeks ago I figured that it was the 2nd time in 2009 when I would be feeling ill. I was wrong. I got sick a few days after getting better, only this time I am experiencing tightness and swelling of the throat. This sucks because it hurts to swallow foods and even breathe. It calms down a bit when I take a bunch of ibuprofen, but I'm starting to wonder if I have a food allergy. I've never been allergic to anything, so I'm sure whether you are born with allergies or if you can develop them over time because the body is constantly changing and adapting. So I'm quitting food for a few days and drinking a ton of water in an attempt to clean out my body. Granted it won't do too much because I'll be eating like a starvin' marvin African on Thursday, but at least I'll go a few days and see what happens. I've been taking vitamins and cold medicines (drinking Dayquil like a bum drinks booze out of a paper bag) and will continue to do so in an effort to rid my body of this garbage. I wish I could promise to go easy on Thanksgiving, but if you've ever been to a Kurutz / Reck party (and chances are you have, because those are the only people who read this blog) there's way too much good food to pass up. It's nearly impossible to not try and eat your body weight in snacks and mashed potatoes.

Hopefully I learn something from this, because I learned nothing from my previous Hunger Strike. I looked back at the posts and true, I did have some sort of revelation of the poor and suffering, but once I started cramming food back into my pie hole, I forgot about it. And I still go nuts when it comes to food. Last night I ate spaghetti in bed because I couldn't sleep knowing that there were leftovers in the fridge. Who needs Kaboom baby? I'll clean that shit up. So there's me eating spaghetti at 3:30 in the morning when I should have been sleeping, not getting fatter. Night time is like the worst time to eat because that just sits in your stomach and you don't burn any of it off. Well, I might. I toss and turn in my sleep so violently that I usually wake up without covers. I blame Coach Gordon Bombay for stealing them, but he looks so god damn innocent that I usually give him a free pass regardless if he actually did do it. That cat could get away with murder. He probably already has. I swear I saw dead bodies being dragged around the alley. Maybe that's why he's always trying to sneak out...

But anyway, that's not what I'm here for. We'll see how the Hunger Strike goes this time, but I figure it will be a whole lot easier than last time because I know when this one will end. And it's going to end in grand fashion on Thanksgiving day when I eat more food than any human should, then sit around and feel sick for the rest of the day. There's a reason that they call it a pattern. It's cause it keeps repeating over and over again. Someday maybe I'll break the pattern, but not yet. I got too much eating to do on Thursday.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Facebook told me to do this

Facebook told me that I was supposed to post this to my website. Since I'm in an abusive relationship with that piece of shit, I do whatever it tells me to or else it will give me another black eye. Seriously. I'm scared of that bitch. She definitely wears the pants in this relationship. I remember once she pushed me down the stairs and blamed it on the dog. I knew that it was her because we don't have a dog. But I just told everyone that she was right. After all, if I say that she isn't right she takes away my credit cards and tells all my friends that I can't go out drinking with them because I am a degenerate piece of shit and I just lost my job, and now she has to support my unemployed ass. Oh yeah, then she tells them about my obsession with Care Bears and that I'm lousy in bed. God damn. Facebook really is a bitch. I'd divorce her ass, but she'd get everything. But since she already has everything, I say screw it. I better just go ahead and post this before she threatens to throw away my Uno cards again. That's the only toy I got to keep when she moved in. And true to the game, she only lets me play in by myself. Since it's the one thing that I have left that is close to sanity, I'll just do what she says. I hate my life.

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- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

(from the Lost Archives - February 13, 2007)

Sometimes I get what I like to call "the Hunger" and it festers inside of me until I satisfy it. I first learned about "the Hunger" from my cat Coach Gordon Bombay when he incessantly meows at me for hours at end until I feed him. His normal feeding time is at 10:00 pm every night, but lately he starts getting "the hunger" at about 7:00 pm and won't shut up until I dump a 1/3 cup of Science Diet into his dish. How does that relate to an article titled "It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time" you ask?

(from the current archives - Tuesday November 10, 2009)

Ever seen the dancing banana singing It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time? It's all over the internet, and it has been for years. I've provided the clip from when they referenced it on Family Guy cause that was funnier than the original. It was one of those random moments that made the show pure genius before they ran out of ideas and just started being wrong and gross. Plus it's a dog wearing a banana costume. I know I'm the first person to criticize people for dressing up their animals, but I'm also the the first to laugh because it looks both ridiculous and hilarious. The fat cat wearing a sweater in Anger Management is one of the funniest moments of that flick. But why am I talking about animals wearing clothes? This was supposed to be about Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Watch the clip.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time sounds like a great time to me, mostly because I love me some sandwich gooey goodness. I ate so many PBJ sandwiches as a kid that I had to take a few years off. In fact, I took some time off from sandwiches in general, but I have since had a new found love for deli meats, cheese or spreads between two slices of bread. My Mom knows this, and keeps her fridge healthily stocked with all sorts of sandwich materials. Once I even tried to take a stack of lunch meats and a stack of bread and shuffle them together like Shaggy and Scooby. It sadly didn't work. I believe that is the day that I grew up and realized that cartoons were not reality. I remember it vividly. It was Sunday afternoon in the Fall of '07. I was 25 years old when my world came crashing down around me, and it was that moment that I segued from childhood to adulthood. It was now what I refer to as the saddest day of my life. But I have since rebounded. I have figured out a way to blend childhood and adulthood. All you have to do is act reasonably grown up at work and in social settings, and then you can goof around the rest of the time. I vow to never loose my childish behavior, and unless they figure out a surgical extraction to remove it from me, I will never fully grow up.

But what does that have to do with Peanut Butter Jelly Time and "the Hunger?" I keep getting sidetracked. Both are childish and primal ideas that are pretty ridiculous. When you're overcome by "the Hunger" or when you start dancing around in a banana costume, all rational thought it usually thrown out the window. And when reasoning and the thought process is gone, that's when true child-like playfulness can occur. And that's when I feel most alive and like myself. It's not sitting in my cubicle falling asleep doing paperwork. It's not when I'm paying bills and stressing over paying back my student loans. It's not when I'm cleaning kitchen floors and taking out the garbage. It's when I'm eating sugar at inappropriate times and ruing my appetite. It's when I laugh at words like "insert", "member" and the "Penal System". It's when I quote movies in adult conversation then laugh because no one else gets it. It's when I stop acting my actual age and just kind of make shit up as I go along. Depending on when or where you hang out with me, you might see different sides of my personality. But I do hope that you see more of the goofy childish one than the one that is struggling with being a responsible and grown up adult. Cause no one wants to see that shit. I'm gonna go make a sandwich, drap a giant banana around my body, and dance around the kitchen. I expect you to do the same. IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 3

I asked Timmy and Kevin to join me for Episode 3. There was no real structure or topic to this one, we basically just BS'd for a couple of minutes. Ok, so we BS'd for more than a couple of minutes. In that time span I learned that I could not BS a BSer, and that Timmy and Kevin are BS proof. Timmy was sitting over there, and Kevin was sitting over there, and I didn't know which way was up! And that is the most proper introduction that I can possibly give to this video. Enjoy Episode 3!

Part 1



Part 2



- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 2

So I just found out after watching the video as it appears on my blog that only 10 minutes of video was available. The video runs for about 14-15 minutes. My video hosting site only lets me do 10 minute videos, so I'll try to keep them around that length. That's probably not going to happen though, so I'll most likely have to split them up into 2 pieces like I did with this video. So enjoy Episode 2 of the Pookcast. Later dudes!

Part 1



Part 2



- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 1 - Introduction to the Pookcast

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

If I was a Secretary, I’d file this one under B for Bullshit

(from the Lost Archives - 6/3/09)

So if you don’t already know, I live (for the time being) above the bar Vitucci’s on North Ave. My roommate Joey Kanz works (for the time being) as a bouncer at the bar, which is how we started living there. All that changed last night when the bar owner told us that he was getting booted out of his house by his wife and now needed to live above the bar. So he wants us out asap, but we told him it would take time to find a new place to live and move our shit out. See, he’s our landlord, and we never signed a lease, so he really can do whatever he wants. But that doesn’t make it right. It just makes him an asshole. Things of this magnitude can’t just happen overnight, and we need time to get the ball rolling in order to work the process of finding an apartment/house, signing the lease, paying the deposit and 1^st month’s rent, and moving. We’d be lucky to get that all done by July 1^st, which is what we are telling him that we are going to do. We were planning on moving out at the end of the summer anyway, but the timeliness of this couldn’t have been any worse. Aside from working 40 hours a week (9am-5pm) at my day job, I told my boss at Miller Park I could work 12 out of the 14 home games this month. So that’s 530pm-1000pm weekdays and afternoons on the weekends. This weekend is the Reck Family Christmas Party, I’m working the next weekend after that (12-14), then I’m in Detroit from the 19-21, working the next weekend after that (26-28), then all of the sudden it’s July. I don’t have time for this shit! I purposefully booked myself up during the month of June because I had nothing else going on in my life that I needed to deal with. And then this bastard throws this shit at me because his wife kicks him out of the house cause he’s screwing around with some other chick that isn’t her? Why the hell should that be my fucking problem? Now I don’t mind moving, cause to be honest with you, my downstairs neighbors are starting to piss me off. Vitucci’s may very well be the worst bay in the entire world. At times, I am ashamed to admit that I live there. I like the upstairs (especially my bedroom) and was just really getting settled in with all of the décor that I have added to the place. And now I have to take it down, pack it up, and hang it up in a new place. Plus I have to move my cat Coach Gordon Bombay for the 4^th time. He’s probably getting sick of this shit too.

But if I was a secretary, then I’d probably be too busy scheduling appointments and making coffee to find the time to bitch about this unfortunate circumstance. Oh, and I’d probably also be an old gray haired granny with glasses on the verge of retirement. So I would have worse things to worry about, like my kids putting me in a home.

(from the current archives 10/17/09)

So a lot of time has passed since then and I'm over it now. I now live in this small duplex on Brady Street with Asian Paul and my brother Tim, although they both spend so much time at their girlfriend's houses that they only pay rent here. So it's just me and Coach Gordon Bombay hanging out here. It's not too bad, but there's this family living above us and we kinds gotta start being quiet around 9 pm cause the kids have school in the morning. It's a tough adjustment after the last place, when my downstairs neighbors would rage it until 2 or 230 in the morning. But things are so much better here, and I don't have to deal with that Vitucci's bullshit anymore. My Mom lives next to Vic Vitucci (my old landlord Tony Vitucci's cousin), and he hates his cousin, so whenever I go over there we just talk shit about him. Makes for a pretty interesting conversation. But life isn't too bad here on Brady Street, but I don't what's going to happen after this. Timmy wants to move out of Wisconsin and who the hell knows what Asian Paul wants to do. Personally I'd love to stay here because I don't feel like moving again. If I had things my way in a universe that I could control, I would have a girlfriend/fiancee live here with me, cause this place would be perfect for a young couple just getting started out. It's in a great neighborhood, the rent is affordable and just the right size for that family. But since that's never going to happen, I guess I'll just live here until my rent is up and then go get a 1 bedroom apartment with Coach Bombay, and we'll go from there. But I don't have to worry about that until next year, unless I get evicted for being too loud. And not the "you're being too loud" that Uncle Greg accuses Stacy and Stefani of being, I mean really being too loud. It could happen. I try to be respectful of other people, but I go balls to the walls when I watch movies and listen to music. I always say go big or go home. But I'm already home so I have no choice but to go big. Going big might land me on the streets one day, but since Coach Bombay is from the streets, that means only one of us needs to get adjusted to the new life. But I don't see that happening because I went and pussied out and got more responsible with age. Definitely one of my bigger regrets in life. So now that I'm down to limited raging within a specified time period, my life has become rather mundane. Any suggestions how what I can do from here on out? I don't want to be that old secretary with the bun hair and rope things that fasten to the glasses so that they can hang around your neck. I don't want to be stuck ordering office supplies and signing for packages at my desk in the front lobby while answering telephones and scheduling appointments for my boss. Nobody wants to do that. In order to avoid filing paperwork, making coffee and picking up lunch for everybody, I have to do something and fast. I don't want to be stuck being somebody's secretary. I don't want to have to sleep with the boss to get ahead in life. And now I just realized that I seriously offended anybody who is or knows a secretary. Ah screw it. It's not like I never piss anyone off though. I should be used to the backlash that comes from talking shit about people. So bring it on secretaries. I'm ready for you.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookon's Ill Blog presents: From the Lost Archives...

I guess you can call them the found archives now. But they were never really lost to begin with. I knew exactly where they were - sitting dormant in my unposted section of this blog, trapped in limbo in the "editing stage." What are they? Blog ideas that for whatever reason never got posted or completed. I decided to pick up yet another daunting task and post them you all of you (Kevin) to see, since I think that some of them were actually pretty good ideas. I will now alter any of the old text (and I will include the date from when I wrote it) but simply add new ideas or try to explain my ideas better. Or maybe I might just leave it as is and post it. Who knows. Just another project that I am taking on that prevents me from meeting new people, getting a girlfriend, falling in love, getting married, having kids, etc. You know, all the things that all my friends and people my age are doing right now. I'm a bit of a renegade, so I'm going to go the depressing route and say screw all that junk, I'm gonna sit alone in a dark room listening to 80's pop music and type shit on the internet that no one will probably ever read. Cause that's certainly a more useful thing than trying to better myself, right? I mean, why try to be like everyone else, right? The world needs losers too. There's got to be some kind of balance. Everyone can't winners. That's why the first version of The Matrix failed cause mankind cannot live in a perfect world. Agent Smith taught me that shit. Then he called me Mr. Anderson. I said no, my name is Ted "Theodore" Logan.

But I guess we all make choices. I could choose to not drink PBR and eat sandwiches bigger than my head. I could choose to socialize with people of the opposite sex. I could choose to find a better job. I could chose to not be a loser. I certainly have the ability to make those choices. But for now I am going to choose to post some of my blog entries that would have never seen the light of day if not for the daring adventurer "Sconnie" Reck discovering these lost archives. I hope if you do end up reading this shit, you'll enjoy it. It's because of these blog posts that I don't have 2 1/2 kids and a white picket fence. It's all your fault blog posts. DAMN YOUSE! GOD DAMN YOUSE ALL TO HELL!!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

I don't wanna die...

Truth be told, no one really does. That it is why explorers used to waste their lives searching for the Fountain of Youth. For besides the Cup of Christ that Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones Jr. and Henry Jones Sr. drank out of, eternal life does not exist. And even then, they had to remain inside of the temple for eternal life to be bestowed upon them. Since they weren't willing to do that, Indiana Jones got old and Henry Jones Sr. ended up dying. But I would like to live my life for a little bit, and enjoy this shit as long as I am still mobile. So I joined a gym. I decided to start working out a few times a week in a last ditch effort to loose some weight, get in shape, meet a wife, get married, and have some kids. My goal is to do all that shit by the time that I am 30. Cause the last thing that I want is to be old as shit while my kids are growing up. I don't want my wife to have to put the kids and me down for an afternoon nap at the same time. That would suck. So I guess I am putting my sad shitty life story out to anyone who happens to stumble upon this crap, but since Kevin is the only one who reads this, I think that I'm safe from the embarrassment for now. If I am embarrassed that I am fat and ugly, then why write about it then? It's because I remember reading somewhere that writing a journal or blog during this process is therapeutic. For some reason, it helps to put your thoughts and feelings down on paper or hard drive space, because it gets them out in the open. Even if the open is for your own eyes only. That's kind of what this blog is, for my eyes only. Now if I was popular, then I'd have to worry about tons of people making fun of me for being such a whiny crybaby about this crap.

So here it goes. I joined the gym (an Anytime Fitness center a block away from my house) on Thursday May 28, and went there for the first time on Sunday May 30. I plan on going at least 3 times a week, and picked this specific gym because it is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That way I can go work out at 11:00 pm when there aren't any people there to look at my fat and ugly ass. That is one of the reasons why I have avoided working out all these years because I'm worried that people would look at me in disgust and wonder why they have to share a space with me. When I was last there around 10:30 pm on Sunday, there were only 4 other people in there, so I didn't feel weird trying out the equipment. As you can tell by looking at me, I'm not exactly exercise savvy, so it was a little awkward even turning on the treadmills and other workout equipment. I had to read all of the instructions and keep the time, miles and weight limit to a minimum as I eased myself into it. I'm also planning on biking around more often, which is aided by the fact that the Milwaukee County Bus System put bike racks on the front of buses, which should eventually allow me to bike at least halfway to work. On Sunday, I biked home from Miller Park, and although it was a tough ride for someone who isn't used to it, I made it home. So at least I am taking steps in the right direction. The next thing that I need to work on is eating healthier, but I do have to take it one step at a time.

So hopefully I can get my weight back in check and start looking hot again. I certainly have enough humor and personality to win any girl over, but I lack the confidence and good looks that the ladies love. Hopefully I don't screw this chance to take back my life, because I've already screwed my life up too far. I do have a lot of regrets about my highschool and college days, mostly because I definitely wasn't a stud with the ladies. Now that everyone (including those 4 years younger than me) are getting married and having kids, I feel like my opportunity for that shit is growing smaller by the minute. So I have decided to do something about it, and I just hope that it isn't too little too late. I'd like to think that I have at least 50 years left in my life to make a difference and live it out to the fullest, but it starts with me turning it around. I would like to try and chart my progress somehow (if I do start making any) but I know that no amount of numbers can match the way that I feel if I do get into better health and shape.

So who knows. I may succeed or I may fail. But hell, at least I am trying. It's better than drinking myself retarded, sitting on the couch watching TV, stuffing my face with Twinkies and dying a slow and lonely death. Hell, anything is better than that. If good things to somehow start to find their way towards me, then you, my faithful audience (Kevin), will be the first to know. If you do stumble upon this I'd like to ask for your support in my endeavors. Oh, and if you do know any single women that are interested in a nice fixer-upper project (me), then give me their number. Better I get in touch with them now instead of later. Cause later I'm gonna be so hot that I'll have to fight off women with a stick. And they'll wish they knew me when there was just 1 girl vying for my attention instead of 1,000. But that's just me dreaming for now, because the only women on this planet that gives a shit about me is my Mom. And only because she's the sweetest lady in the entire world. And she has a heart of gold. I'm lucky that at least someone cares about my well being.

I feel good knowing that I am at least trying, and 2 days later, my muscles still hurt. But no pain no gain as they say, so I guess the hurt means that I am gaining. Gaining what, I don't know. I've only been doing this for 2 days now. We'll see what happens after a little more time passes. Hopefully by the next time you'll see me, you won't even recognize me. But chances are I'll never be able to lose this figure that has seen me labeled as "big guy", "large and in charge" and "tons of fun." But I guess it could always be worse. I don't know how, but I'm sure someone out there could present a worse situation that I'd be thankful to not have to deal with. So I guess that is it for now, and I'll write something in a few days. That is, if I'm not too tired to pound out a couple of non coherent sentences on this keyboard. Until then - stay beautiful.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

So this is what it's like to be 28...

I've been stressing out a lot lately about getting older. All of my friends are getting married and having babies, working real jobs and are upstanding citizens in their respective communities. And me? I'm raging it, living the dream, starting the revolution, occupying myself with Brewers and baseball stuff, playing beer pong and staring in documentaries. For a while, I envied my friends because they seemingly had everything that I was craving, but in fact I do have almost everything that I've always wanted. In case you didn't get the hint in the title, today I turned 28 years old, which is 2 years away from 30. Or I could look at it and say that I just turned 28 years young, and I am still just 3 years removed from college. Not many people are working in their given field and rocking their career right after college. I don't mind my job, but I still feel like it's not what I envisioned myself doing. Hopefully I still have plenty of time to work out all of the kinks before I consider myself an old man. I may not be living society's dream, because they are most likely be telling me to grow up and give up the whole beer pong and drinking thing. But I am almost living my dream. There's just a few things that are keeping my short of my goal.

I have a great family, and the bestest of friends that a guy can ask for. I have 2 jobs (one of them that I love more than life itself) and all of the material earthly possessions that anyone truly needs. The only things that I am lacking are a hot girlfriend/wife (hell, I'd be fine with any girlfriend/wife) and a beer pong win. I've invested so much time and effort into this beer pong thing that I want to see some sort of result. Truth be told, I have been featured in a soon to be released documentary, in several articles and I am well known in the beer pong community, but I have yet to win a CHBPL championship or even a small tournament. A week from Friday, I will get my 2nd chance on the first one (CHBPL championship). In my 2nd season of CHBPL (which was season 3) and my first with Fresno Chris, we made it to the Championship game onlt to lose in 5 games to Slider and Hudson. I've got a better partner now (no offense, but Joey Kanz is amazing) but the competition has gotten better. We're facing arguably the best team in the league in Sean Flood and Ben Beaird, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's now or never my friend. As for the girlfriend/wife thing? That one is a little further away from happening. I need to figure out how to meet people, cause once I do and I get comfortable, I can be myself and let my best attributes shine. So I definitely need to work on that one, because I want to still be young enough to goof around with my kids without worrying about bad knees or a stiff back. Plus I think I'd make a pretty sweet Dad. There's something about my youthful joy, exuberance and child like enthusiasm that I think would help me connect with children. And I also think that I would do whatever it takes to make sure that my children would have all of the advantages to succeed in life. Despite my issues with my parents (which I will not get into today) I think that they did do a good job with preparing me for life without them. And I'm better off because they cared. So I guess what it boils down to is that I need to take that next step in my life and settle down and start a family of my own. Even if I am reluctant to grow up.

So I guess I am no worse or better off than I was last year when I turned 27, although I may be a little wiser. In the past year I have gained some more experiences that hopefully will help shape my life for the better, but with a few exceptions, I am happy with where I am at in my life at 28. There is always room for improvement, and I will hopefully continue to take some more steps in the right direction and learn from my prior mistakes. After all, 28 is the new 22 or some shit like that. Isn't that the bullshit that people say to make it sound a little better? I guess. Or I may be wrong. I could be Mr. Bullshit or Dr. I'm Full of Shit, but to be quite honest with you, I'd rather be the one with the Ph.D. But what do I know, I'm just a 28-year-old dude who is making all of this shit up as he goes along. And so it goes. Hell, at least I made it another year. Here's to many more. But since I'm kind of an old man now, it's 1:30 AM and I need to go to sleep. Later dudes, and I hope you look this good when you turn 28.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email : pookondotcom@gmail.com