I'm blazing a trail that leads to vice, so easily enticed by darker means. When out of the wilderness of choice, I hear that one still voice call to me - Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden. Why must I wander like a cloud following the crowd? Well I don't know. But I'm asking for the will to fight to wear the crown of life. And you say go. Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden. The mind is weak, the heart is frail when it goes beyond the pale. So unwise. Go West young man. Go West young man, when the evil go East. Go West young man. Go West young man - find a heart that's golden.
- Michael W. Smith - "Go West Young Man"
Yeah I just quoted Michael W. Smith. Deal with it. And go to East if you can't. I've been struggling with this "Pickle the Day" adventure more so than any other thing I've challenged myself to do in the last few years. There are a lot of things in the World that are worthy of being in pictures but I just don't see them right now. I think it's because I'm just not in a very good mood right now. If you've read any of my other posts this month then you for sure have noticed a trend of depression and negativity. I can't hide my emotions. I also don't really have the time to stop and take a picture of something right now. I'm stressed out big time over a lot of things and I just want to quit. Quit my job, quit writing, quit going outside, quit seeing my friends and basically quit life without having to die. I just want to get away from everything for a few days with no contact with the outside World to reboot my head. Everything is pissing me off right now and I can't figure out a way to find any joy in life. I used to love sunsets. But now I've even found a reason to bitch about them.
When I drive home from work it is either 530 or 600pm. I drive almost due West and the sun is always setting during my drive home. I almost always complain that the sun is in my eyes. In a few short weeks it will be dark when I leave the office (when I leave the office. Who the hell am I? Some corporate bigwig?) and I will be begging for even just a sliver of sunlight. I can't appreciate anything right now. I just want to be home. Well not really. Home sucks. I just always want to be somewhere else than I am right now. I'm not happy wherever I am. So I won't be happy once I get to that place that is not here. I need to figure out how to do that. I need to figure my life out. Something's not working. It's not Fletch. Fletch is working overtime. Bit by bit, one way or another.
Should I go West young man? (When I type young man I hear the voice of some old biddy scolding an adolescent teen boy). What the hell should I do? I know nothing I am doing right now is working so I should probably change things. But how do you change things when you don't know how? Maybe I do need to just disappear for a while. I wish it were that easy. You can't run away from life and you can't quit. When the sun is in your eyes you just have to keep going West. That's where the answers are man. They're in the place that is the most difficult to see. I guess I just need to start opening my eyes even if it hurts. I need to stop thinking about shit and just let it all play out. I need to get out of my head. I need to go out find the answers. But most of all I need to change the way that I think. I'm my own problem. Until I fix me I don't stand a chance in this World. And I need to go to sleep. No one should be up at 300 in the morning drinking box wine and listening to The Lord of the Rings soundtrack. I need to be semi-coherent tomorrow so that I can find another pickle for you. Because as you know, I supposedly have a full jar of them just waiting to be shared.
- pookon -
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