My Dad travels mostly just for business. I never know where he is or how long he will be gone. But when he is home I know I can always stop on over at his house for a few minutes or a few hours just to hang out. Since he lives mere minutes away from where I work, it's easy to just drop by any time. He loves his dogs Percy, Buffy and Trixie, and if he isn't at home he's probably at the dog park. That's where I met him on Thursday October 10th. The dog park is one of the last places that I want to be. I'm sure there are worse places to go to like Prison, Bargain World or a Day Care Center, but the dog park is near the bottom of my list. I just don't like dogs. And for the most part, dogs don't like me. Joey Kanz's dog Bauer thinks I'm a terrorist and he tries to bite my face... OFF! No more drugs for this man. My brother James' dogs are too needy and too rambunctious. Mike Wilhelm's dog tried to eat my hand like the damn Alligator that bit Chubbs' hand off. Aaron's dog's favorite bone is in my leg. My Mom's dog Gracie is a weirdo but she's not too bad. I could go on and on and on about how dogs just don't like me. Like babies, they have the ability to stare into my soul. And just like babies, they don't like what they see. I'm a cat person. Cat's can look inside your souls too but they don't give a shit about what they see because cats are jerks. But even though he bites me when I try to cuddle him like a stuffed animal, I still love my cat Major Korben Dallas. And my first cat Coach Gordon Bombay was my best friend. So cats rule and dogs drool.
But fortunately, my Dad's dogs like me. And I guess I like them too. I've even given them nicknames once they were initiated into my gang. Percy is P Baby, Buffy is Sweet Lou and Trixie is Scraps. They are pretty well behaved at the dog park and we took a lap around the park with this guy David and his dog Blizzard. Apparently my Dad knows everyone there and it's this social community of people with like interests. It's like an after school club where people meet, review old business, conduct new business and say goodbye with the promise to meet again soon. Except with dogs. One lap around the park is roughly a mile and it is on a gravel path through the woods. This time of the year the trees take on a lovely palette of colors so the walk is both good for your body and for your mind. It was nice. I had a lovely time despite it smelling like dogs and their feces everywhere. There were dogs as far as the eye could see. For the most part they left me alone. Thankfully I never met them at eye level because they didn't get a glimpse inside of my soul. Once dogs look into your soul they decide your fate and act accordingly. Today I survived Judgement Day at the dog park. Tomorrow I may not be so lucky. I do intend to go back and once again tempt fate. It's in my very nature to survive against all odds. Those dogs may be at the forefront of the uprising against humanity, but let's not forget that they are man's best friend. Man shall always reign supreme or die trying.
I suppose that I do have some sort of personal vendetta against canines. Dogs, for the lay person. I can't point back to any particular point in my childhood where dogs may have treated me unfairly but I have always been this way. I just have a problem with them man. It must have been that time that I caught them trying to cheat me in a poker game. Or that time when I pretended to be blind and not one, not one of them helped guide me. Or the time that they got out and pinned me as the who did it. Those things may or may not have happened but it doesn't give the right for dogs to look into my soul and judge me. Only God can judge. Wait... isn't dog an anagram of God? Damn. Then I'm screwed. Because if dogs can be judge, jury and executioner like Judge Dredd, then I'm in big trouble. I will have another pickle for you tomorrow, but I guess I'll have to go and find something else to put in this pickle jar. Maybe some snausages, pup-peroni or beggin' strips. That'll keep them off my scent long enough for me to slip away and find one. I'll just toss them a busy bone so they can go to town on that instead of questioning my morals, ethics and choices in life. There's a lot of pickles in this World and I have a whole jar of them to share with you. That is unless it has gone to the dogs.
- pookon -
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