It's no secret that I like to eat. One look at me tells that story. Let's just say I'll never be confused for a starving orphan child. But I will still ask, "Please Sir, can I have some more?" Greedy bastard. You don't need seconds. What you need is to stop eating. My Mom had a bowl full of candy at her house in case Trick-O-Treaters came by. No one wants to be that house who doesn't have shit. It gives you a bad rep in the neighborhood. I took a handful of candy on Sunday, put it in my freezer and now I'm trying to see how long I can go without eating it. Sounds like an easy challenge, right? Not for someone who thinks that food goes bad if you keep it for more than a few hours. I'm a compulsive eater who keeps eating when they are not hungry. I'm probably making things up/making excuses but I think that I have an addictive personality. I always need to be doing something but that thing is rarely something positive. When I'm bored, I eat or drink. Instead of doing that I should be out walking around or exercising in some way but I'm too lazy. I need a complete lifestyle change because I hate the person that I am today. There's a good reason why I try not to leave the house. I'd rather be alone in my misery instead of bothering other people with it.
And it all starts from within. I need to change my mind before I change my habits or my body. I'm starting to think that I might need help from an outside source because I'm not making any progress on my own. You've been following along over the last few weeks here for Pickle the Day. How many of these posts have been something positive? Even the ones that started out as a lighthearted tale quickly dove into the depths of sadness and negativity. I need to figure out a lot of things in my life. I've been sayin' it. I've been sayin' it for 10 damn years, Miguel. Ain't I been sayin' it? You don't have to read my mind to know we need to get as far away from here as we can. I picked the wrong time to do this little experiment. And it looks like you picked the wrong goddamn rec room! Fucking Graboids. You killed 3 Ninja's Grandpa. For that I will never forgive you. What a sweet and kind old man. How dare you. Wait... what? You were just hungry and he was the closest available food source? I know exactly what that is like. My apologies Graboid. I do forgive you. Me and you are one and the same. Just misunderstood creatures searching for some food. We can't help ourselves.
I'm no Graboid, but if I don't do something about it soon I'll be as big as one of them. What if Kevin Bacon lifted half of me up in the air and yelled out, "I think I found the ass end!" How embarrassing would that be? That's a 1st degree of Kevin Bacon. Yeah, a 1st degree burn. I don't need or want that to happen. Who wants to be humiliated by Kevin Bacon? I'm sure once you could start laughing about it (after many years of therapy) it would make a great story at Christmas Parties. I don't know anyone who has been picked up and jiggled by Kevin Bacon, so if that happens I will corner the market on that experience. Or at least in my social circle. I'm going to try and avoid that if possible. I've already had enough heartbreak and disappointment in my life. I don't need Kevin Bacon to add to it. That would be completely unnecessary. While my food consumption, lack of exercise and overall attitude about my life is a concern, I was really reaching for a pickle today and didn't have a good one. I'm definitely out of ideas and I'm thankful that I only have to come up with 1 more pickle to share. The jar is nearly empty my friends. Only one remains. I will be sharing that with you tomorrow as the month of October comes to and end. As for those candy bars? They're all mine. I'm not sharing shit! I haven't eaten them yet but pretty soon the temptation will get to me. It always does. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
- pookon -
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