Heavyweights is one of my favorite movies ever. I don't like to rank movies because I love so many of them and I rarely ever hate a movie because I find at least something of value in each one of them. This is also why I own so many movies and watch them over and over again. I watch movies like people watch TV (I don't watch TV shows or anything on TV outside of the occasional Brewers game) except that I usually put them on in the background while I'm working on something else like this blog or pookon.com. My cousin Brian (BK3) loves this movie too and we often quote it knowing that most people have no idea what we are talking about. It's surprising that there are so many people who haven't seen this 90's classic. It's from the same guy (Steven Brill) who wrote the Mighty Ducks so it has a lot of the same child actors like Karp, Russ Thompson and Goldberg. Oh and it's also written by Judd Apatow and has Ben Stiller in it. That alone should make you go watch this movie right now. And when you do you should check out my Drunken LiveTweet Commentary that I did on it on night in preparation for my epic Goonies commentary. So I'm sorry if this is a little brief or that it isn't that funny. I was just watching this movie and drinking so that I could warm up for what I knew would be the best Drunken Commentary ever in The Goonies. Don't worry, I'll get around to posting that someday but for now enjoy Heavyweights.
It looks like I watched Super 8 before I watched Heavyweights (which I watched before The Goonies) so now you have an idea of how many movies I end up watching in a average day when I have nothing better to do. I know that I always blamed my hideous physique, my asshole attitude and the disdain of human company for the reason I'm still single but I might have to toss in my habit of sitting by myself drinking and watching movies instead of going out and meeting people as another reason. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I have no desire to date, get married and have kids and shit like everyone else. I just want to hang out and do nothing. I probably have some issues or something that can be unpacked by a psychologist or balanced out with medication but I don't think anything is wrong with me. I'm just different I guess. So if you want to be different with me then you know how to reach me. If not then continue to do whatever you were doing before and have a nice day.
#Super8 may be one of the best movies I've seen...ever. It's my kind of movie. It's a shame I waited this long to watch it.
I really wanted to #LiveTweet #Super8 but I got so wrapped up in the movie. I had to enjoy my 1st time. When I go for 2nds I'll do it.
My #FortuneCookie just told me "your present plans are going to succeed." My plan tonight was to get drunk! #yahtzee!!
Afterglow is the sweetest fucking place on the Earth, but how much sweeter would it be if they got a blob? #Heavyweights
You're fatter than I am! Why don't u go to camp? Listen up you Mighty Duck fuck! Don't talk to George Bluth Sr. that way! #Heavyweights
When Timmy saw Pat Finley in The Family Man he started chanting "Pat! Pat! Pat! Pat!" #Heavyweights
Nurse Julie is one of the hottest movie characters ever. That strawberry blonde hair is enough to send me to the infirmary. #Heavyweights
Jerry Stiller can achieve in 2 minutes of screen time what some actors fail to do in 2 hours - make me laugh hysterically. #Heavyweights
Of course Karp knows each ahthas names - they're his Mighty Ducks teammates Russ Thompson and Goldberg. #Heavyweights
I'd like to have Nurse Julie as my partner in the "body system" if you know what I mean. Boddddddaaaayyyy! #Heavyweights
Gerald's father is Maury Garner. Typical old guy name. What kid is named Maury? Or Herbert, Eugene Howard or Walter. #Heavyweights
Girl: why don't they just lose weight? Other girl: why don't you show them how to throw up after meals like you do? #SickBurn #Heavyweights
I'm surprised that my parents never sent me to fat camp. Must have considered me a lost cause. Or couldn't afford it. #Heavyweights
My goal in life is to prove that Russ Thompson learned the knuckle puck at Camp Hope and not on the streets of L.A. #Heavyweights
I got some real Tony Perkis hair going on right now. I'm Perkasizing! Too bad I don't have his body... #Heavyweights
While the campers were munching on pizza + ice cream sundaes, Pat Finley was with Nurse Julie munching on something else. #Heavyweights
Pat Finley is my hero. So all I have to do is be a camp counselor and I get some sweet Nurse Julie puss? #Heavyweights
I love that Tony Perkis Sr. is Maury Finkle, founder of Finkle Lighting Fixtures. Do it. Do it. Do it. #Heavyweights
Nurse Julie as the Statue of Liberty is like a fantasy come true. I'd do either of them. I love me some USA. #Heavyweights
I had a crush on this chick in high school that looked like Nurse Julie. I never even worked up the nerve to talk to her. #Heavyweights
All this Nurse Julie talk makes me think 2 things - I'm incredibly lonely and "keep it in your pants Reck!" #Heavyweights
It's amazing how you hold on to one thing forever. You read all that Nurse Julie talk above. I'm not in love with Nurse Julie. I'm in love with that girl from High School that I knew for 4 years, had many classes with and lived in my neighborhood yet I never ever said one word to. Welcome to my sad and pathetic life. I just thought I'd throw that in there in case you were wondering if I've always been an idiot or if it was something that I grew into over the years. I don't understand my life or the people that keep coming back for more of it. All of you reading this right now should be ashamed of yourselves for contributing to my endless insanity. But coming back here and humoring me like someone in the world gives a damn is one of the worst things that can happen to a guy that is constantly alone. It gives me hope that someone out there actually cares about what I say or do. I can't have constant human connection. It is something that I don't know how to deal with. I wasn't meant to be a part of normal society. I've always been one of those fringe people who are kind of on the edge between what is normal and what is strange. I'm not quite normal enough to fit in with all of you. And I'm not strange enough to find a clique that will accept me. So like many movie heroes/villains (think the Incredible Hulk but not strong, not green, not angry and with a gut instead of muscles) that is forced to walk the Earth alone because there is no one else out there like them that understands.
Sucks to be you reading this because now you are a part of the journey. You came here to see what I thought about the movie Heavyweights and you are saddled with this diatribe. I apologize for that. In some movies you can figure out the ending 5 minutes into the film but this is one of those with a twist ending that goes BAM and leaves you with one of those "I didn't see that shit coming!" feelings. It'll happen more times than not around here because I'm pretty god damn random. But of course if you've ever been here before than you already knew that. Hell of a day. Hell of a life. How did I get here? That question can be figured out with careful research. The bigger question is where do I go from here? That's the million dollar question. With a million possible answers. Who the hell knows where to start. I certainly don't. Or else I would have done that already.
- pookon -
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
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