Thursday, March 28, 2013

25 Brewers in 25 Days - 2013 - The Starting Rotation

What a difference a week makes. I posted the article about the Outfield on March 19 and this article was supposed to be posted on March 24 so that the Bullpen article could be posted on March 29 in time for Opening Day on April 1st. But today isn't March 24. I am posting this article on March 28 because I was in Las Vegas from March 22-26 for a friend's wedding and didn't have enough time to write it before I skipped out of town for a few days of drinking, gambling, ogling dancing girls and strippers, being overly obnoxious (#victory) and basically having one of the more random weekends in recent memory. But what does that have to do with the Brewers Starting Rotation? A lot actually.  You see, if I had posted this article when I intended your starting 5 would have been Gallardo, Estrada, Narveson, Peralta and Fiers with Mark Rogers in the bullpen as the long reliever. While I was certainly ready to roll with that rotation because I have a lot of faith in our "young" arms despite what their Spring Training stats showed, all of this changed when I woke up and started drinking on the morning of Monday March 25 - the Brewers had gone and did what everyone said they would and signed Kyle Lohse, even though I've been against it for the entire offseason. I'll get into him (clothes on without insertion, this is a family website) in just a minute, but even I have to admit that this move improves our team and gives us a better shot at competing for a playoff spot.

As you are well aware of, the Milwaukee Brewers have done a really good job at producing offensive players from a draft and develop standpoint. Guys like Braun, Weeks, Hart, Lucroy and Schafer have already impacted the team or will be a huge part of the team moving forward. But the pitching has always been years behind. For awhile it seemed like Yovani Gallardo was going to be their one shining example that they could indeed draft pitching. One pitcher an example does not make. When they were planning on going with Mike Fiers, Mark Rogers and Wily Peralta in the mix for the starting 5 that would give them a rotation of mostly homegrown pitchers with the exception of Chris Narveson (St. Louis Cardinals) and Marco Estrada (Washington Nationals). While this doesn't really matter (because I'd rather have the best 5 pitchers out there regardless of which team drafted them) it would have proven that we were able to draft well. But who cares about that, right? All we care about is winning. And while we certainly could have won with a couple of unproven rookies (it has been done before) the more I think about it, the better I feel with the way that this has shaken out in the past few days. 

Fiers, Peralta and Rogers all did well last year when they were given the opportunity to prove themselves at the Major League level which is why GM Doug Melvin went into Spring Training with these guys penciled in instead of filling out the rotation via free agency or trades. And even though Spring Training stats don't mean jack shit in my book those pitchers certainly could have helped themselves out by pitching well in the 6 weeks down in Arizona if they wanted to make the Opening Day Roster. But the fact remains that they didn't, so Melvin had to do something about it because the offense and the bullpen is good enough to compete for a playoff spot. Although I do have my reservations (despite not being a Native American) about Kyle Lohse I can't help but agree with the signing - it had to be done. I do have the same fears about giving a 3-year contract to a 34-year old pitcher (and an ex-Cardinal at that) but it allows you to mix and match the best available starters while also maintaining some flexibility for the future. Mike Fiers may start the season in the bullpen or Wily Peralta might be in AAA and I won't be happy about either of them, but I'm just going to have to deal with it. I'm not the GM of the Milwaukee Brewers, and even though I have some ideas about what I would do if I had the job, I don't envy Doug Melvin at all. He's got a lot of difficult decisions to make and even though I would certainly welcome his salary so I could pull myself out of debt, it can't be an easy job. Although I would give anything to have a sweet flavor savor mustache like that. But I've wasted enough of your and my time with these first few paragraphs. It's time to ditch these puny finger-food hors d'oeuvres and get right on into the main course.

Yovani Gallardo #49, SP
2013 Prediction: 19-10 record, 3.36 ERA, 33 starts, 212 innings pitched, 203 strikeouts, .214 batting average, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs and a one sided (because of the restraining order) bestest of best friendships where I wish he would give me a new nickname and we could have sleepovers.

For the first time in years I actually have something new to say about Yovani Gallardo. I've made it perfectly clear that he is my favorite pitcher of all time and the reason I have decided to convert to Mexican. If people can become a born-again Christian, I can become a born-again Mexican. If you think about it, it makes just as much sense. But that is something that I have addressed in the past. You came here for some new shit so I will deliver. A large package. In the rear. Like I said at the beginning of this article, a lot can change in a week. Had I written this a week earlier, I would not have had this really cool (at least to me) story. I was in Las Vegas last weekend and on Saturday night I was in Downtown playing slots at this little hole-in-the-wall casino called La Bayou that just happens to be my favorite gambling joint in all of Las Vegas. I was wearing a Brewers jersey like always and one of the casino workers approached me and asked if I was from Milwaukee. Before I get in the details of this story I do have to point out that this is how I remember it. I had a 24oz Jungle Juice slushie made with Everclear (with a extra shot of Everclear) and got so hammered I can hardly remember the night.  But here is what I can recall.

This guy named 'Nacho' approached me and told me he was good friends with Gallardo and that he went to grade school and high school with him. He told me all about his family and about how down to Earth he really is and about how he took care of everyone. And even though he's a big league pitcher with millions of dollars he's more comfortable at a backyard barbecue with friends and family. He's 100% committed to the Brewers because they have been loyal to him every step of the way and he appreciates that. He was pitching well enough to be selected as a member of the 2011 NL All-Star Team in Arizona (he ultimately wouldn't be) but he was planning on boycotting it because of Arizona legislation that had to do with racial profiling of citizens having to provide documentation. So he stands up for what he believes in and is humble in all regards. I had already figured this because I can judge character pretty well (which is one of the reasons I have a problem with Ryan Braun) and this guy 'Nacho' pretty much reaffirmed why I love Gallardo so much. I'm sure there was more to this story but I was such a drunken asshole that I couldn't really pay attention. Story of my life man. Gallardo is only 27 years old and therefor entering the prime of his career. Seeing as he has already proven himself by winning 17 (2011) and 16 (2012) games and has had over 200 strikeouts in the last 4 years in 185 or more innings, he is only going to get better. That's scary,  so expect to see a drop in ERA (he has a career ERA of 3.63) and increase in efficiency of innings pitched in the next few years. He'll never be considered an "Ace" like Felix Hernandez or Justin Verlander, but he is definitely a #1 and in the 2nd tier of top pitchers. And if the Milwaukee Brewers want to have any success in 2013 they need Gallardo to be spectacular.

Kyle Lohse #26, SP
2013 Prediction: 15-8 record, 3.54 ERA, 32 starts, 203 innings pitched, 140 strikeouts and nowhere near as bad as Suppan but not as good as he was last year. 

Kyle Lohse is not Jeff Suppan. He is not Randy Wolf. He is not Braden Looper. So we got that out of the way at the beginning so everyone can just calm the fuck down. But that having been said there are still a lot of red flags here. Why didn't anyone else sign him before the Brewers did at the end of Spring Training despite his 16-3 record with a 2.86 ERA, which was among the best in 2012? Teams should have been knocking down his door for a pitcher of that caliber  But here are those red flags - he's 34 years old, has a career ERA of 4.45, would cost a 1st round draft pick, his agent is Scott Boras and he was a student of St. Louis pitching coach Dave Duncan who has been known to make miracles happen. I guess none of that bothered GM Doug Melvin (although this sticky situation has Owner Mark Attanasio's fingers all up in it) because he signed him to a 3 year deal worth $33 million. While I am 100% behind this signing because let's face it - we're better with Lohse than without him, it does worry me about the future. About how good he will be at age 35 and 36 and since some of his salary from this year was deferred to 2016, 2017 and 2018, the fact that we will still be paying him after he has left this team. But the future is what you make of it and it hasn't happened yet as Doc Brown would remind you. So there is no sense worrying about what will happen unless you take care of what is happening today. If Lohse is the final little push that it takes to get back to the playoffs then it is a win in my book as long as Attanasio maintains financial flexibility to add pieces at the trade deadline. So we are going to sink or swim with this contract but for the time being I'm going to think positively. And why not? There is always a renewed sense of optimism at the beginning of the season when you think that your team has a chance to win the World Series. You've probably noticed that I tend to be optimistic with my stat predictions on this site. That's because I'm not a negative nancy when it comes to the Brewers. When you start doing that shit you take all of the fun out of it. And since baseball is such a big part of my life I'd prefer to have fun with it. And fuck anyone else who says otherwise.

One of the things that Lohse can bring to this team is veteran leadership and some form of stability. Even though guys like Rickie Weeks and Ryan Braun are close to turning 30, they still could stand to learn something from a guy that's been around a little longer. And not only that but he comes from the St. Louis Cardinals, an organization that has a winning attitude. It hurts me to say it but you don't exactly associate the Milwaukee Brewers with winning. Sure they did have some success in the early 80's and this run from 2007 - now has been really nice, but what about the other 30 years of this franchise? Losing. I'll happily welcome an outside voice to help this team break out of the funk. And if he mentors Peralta, Fiers, Estrada and even Gallardo then he's done a great job. This is a pitching staff chock full of potential and if they realize it then it is going to be one hell of a year. I'm not asking Lohse to go 16-3 with a sub 3 ERA again. That's ridiculous to ask him to repeat that. But I am going to expect more out of him than the other pitchers on this team because he has shown that he can do it. And if you do it once you can do it again, despite if people say it was a fluke. I'm a believer that anything can happen which is weird because I don't believe the same thing for myself. I don't believe in myself but I do believe in Harvey Dent. And in some weird way I also believe in Kyle Lohse despite all of the red flags. At first I was upset because I didn't want to see the Brewers make another mistake but I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens with this one. Fingers crossed that this multi-year contract is finally the one that works out in our favor. Please please please let it work out. I don't know if I can suffer another heartbreak. My body isn't suited for things like that and physical activity.

Marco Estrada #41, SP
2013 Prediction: 9-13 record, 4.05 ERA, 30 starts, 165 innings pitched, 170 strikeouts and even if I was his bank I still wouldn't give him enough credit no matter how much equity he has gained through smart investments and an improved portfolio.

I never give Marco Estrada any credit and that's one thing that isn't going to change. Why? Because I'm a surly bastard who is set in his ways and I'm not changing shit. Roenicke and Melvin can throw out all the stats they want to support why Estrada belongs in the starting rotation (blah blah strikeouts to walk ratio blah blah, blah blah number of wins aren't a proper indicator of a pitcher's success blah blah) but I'm not buying it. Sure, those comments certainly do hold water but I'll give you the only thing that really matters here - Estrada is only in the starting rotation due to lack of other options. All of the other kids are either too inexperienced or injured so he gets a spot by default. Now it's up to him to prove that he deserves it. I'm willing to give him a chance at that. Everyone deserves a chance to do something just once in their life. I want a chance to prove to a woman that I can clean myself up and be a respectable husband and I won't be a worthless piece of shit for the rest of my life. If I get that chance then Estrada can have his. All that I ask is that he cut down on his number of pitches and try to pitch into the 6th or 7th innings and stop taxing the bullpen. Strikeouts are great and he racked up a lot of them last year (143 in 138 innings) but the stat that you can't look up is that he was often around 100 pitches in the 5th inning. That's a problem which directly contributed to him only winning 5 games despite making 23 starts. If he can figure out a way to be more efficient then I'm game with giving him some credit. Yeah, and if I can figure out a way to drop a couple hundred pounds then the ladies will give me some credit for being a decent guy. Like I said, some things never change. I wouldn't count on either of things happening in 2013. Estrada will continue to throw a ton of pitches, strikeout a lot of batters and win less than 10 games. And I'll continue to be a sad old bastard who sits at home alone on a Saturday night. But you never know. Stranger things have happened...

Chris Narveson #38, SP
2013 Prediction: 4-5 record, 4.45 ERA, 15 starts mostly in the last few months, a difficult adjustment to the bullpen but still the scurviest scallywag on the team.

Chris Narveson is a big question mark. Well actually he is a homo sapien if you want to be a dick about it. He's going to be in the starting rotation because of past success and also because he's the only one who throws with his left arm. But the reason why he is labeled as a question mark is because of a shoulder injury that limited him to only 2 starts and 9 innings in 2012. While he appears to be fully healed it's going to be hard to expect 160 - 180 innings out of him this year and the chances are high that he will get shut down at some point. But while he is out there on the mound he will give you some quality innings and provide a different look than any of the other pitchers in the starting 5. As I've pointed out in the past, he's pretty good for your number 5 starter and will win 10-12 games with a reasonable ERA. He's nothing special but he will get the job done. He's had some success in the past few seasons and if he is fully healed from his shoulder surgery then there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to pitch well this year. Another thing about Chris is that he is wicked smart so I'm 100% percent behind him when he says he's good to go. What does intelligence have to do with anything? Because only a dumbass would risk the rest of their career by pitching hurt. At 31 years old (hey just like me!) he still has plenty of years left in the Major Leagues so you would think that he wouldn't return to pitching if everything wasn't ok in that arm. He above all people should understand the long term effects of injury if not treated properly. Or I could be completely wrong. He could be smart enough to know that players comes and go and you only have a small window to make that money and you can't get paid if you aren't pitching. I'm sure he's in the realm of 80-90% healed where it shouldn't be a problem but if he came back too early and gets hurt again this year I'm going to be pissed. He's one of the few experienced starters we have and I am really counting on him to provide some stability out on the mound. Or he could bail and live a life at sea and devote himself to piracy. Who knows. I guess we'll see what he chooses. He better chose wisely or else walk the plank. YEEEEEEEEARRRRRRGGGGGHHH! 

Update 3/30/13: Manager Ron Roenicke revealed his plans for the starting rotation and it did NOT include Chris Narveson, who will begin the season in the bullpen. This came as a surprise to me because he is the only lefty starter and we already have two lefties (Gorzelanny and Gonzalez) in the bullpen. Although they say he is completely healthy, you have to wonder if they think otherwise and are just being careful with him at the beginning of the season to limit his innings. There are a lot of off days at the beginning of the season to accommodate rain-outs and the #5 starter often gets skipped. I'm sure they are just easing him into it. I'd expect to see him still get a good amount of starts this season because a team rarely goes through a season using only 5 pitchers in their starting rotation.

Wily Peralta #60, SP
2013 Prediction: 12-8 record, 3.53 ERA, 30 starts, 150 innings pitched, 145 strikeouts and the key that unlocks the starting rotation and also to... A NEW CAR!!!

There are 3 players that are the biggest keys for success in 2013. The most obvious one is Ryan Braun. If he gets suspended for even 50 games we're screwed because the offense will suffer big time without him. The other obvious one is John Axford. If he is in 2011 form then we'll be alright. But if he is in 2012 form then there's going to be a huge problem. The 3rd key to the puzzle is Wily Peralta. His Minor League stats don't exactly jump off of the paper (33-35, 3.99 ERA with 589 strikeouts in 620 innings) but I can assure you that he is better than he looks on paper. Oh you assure me? Even though this doesn't involve me dressing up as Little Bo Peep I will figure out a way to convince you of how important he is. But for right now all I can do is ask you to watch him pitch. There's something called the "eye test" in baseball where the only way to make a proper judgement is by seeing it with your own eyes instead of listening to other people's opinions or looking at a stat sheet. Peralta is that kind of guy suited for an eye test. I personally believe that he has better natural talent and skill than Yovani Gallardo as evident by his 4 pitches and ability to throw in the upper 90's. Where they differ is that Gallardo has excellent control over his pitches and fantastic mental makeup. Gallardo has faltered a bit in his career (most notably against the St. Louis Cardinals) but he has proven time and time again (Opening Day every year, NLDS Game 1 in 2008, NLDS Games 1 and 5 in 2011) that he is a big time pitcher. But this isn't about Gallardo. Peralta can be a #1 or #2 type pitcher if he gets his command worked out (he walks far too many batters) and avoids losing control when shit gets real. If you are thinking Manny Parra right now then you're not alone. While I don't think Peralta is as fucked up in the head as Parra (who admitted that problem on several occasions) it's hard not to make a comparison. Peralta has all the tools to be a top pitcher and the only way to make it happen is to pitch in the big leagues.

I am very excited to see what Peralta can do with a whole season with the Brewers. Although it was just 5 starts last year and 29 innings, he went 2-1 with a 2.48 ERA and 23 strikeouts. That's a small sample size but it shows that he can put it together when he needs to. He's got the highest amount of potential of all the starters on the Brewers and if they are going to have any success this year than Wily Peralta is going to have a say in that. He's a fun pitcher to watch because when he is on he straight-up baffles hitters with the velocity and movement on his pitches. It's always entertaining to watch the opposition look goofy at the plate swinging and coming up way empty. Peralta has the ability to do that and I wish that I had better news for you but if he doesn't do this on a consistent basis, we are going to be in trouble. Peralta (along with Braun and Axford) is the difference in us winning 82 or 92 games. One of those sits at home watching the playoffs and the other gets to play in them. Which one would you rather be? So no pressure Wily, but we're counting on you to have a big ass year. I know I speak for every single Brewers fan when I say I would rather watch the Brewers play in October than watch another team (duh) and guys like Peralta can determine that. All that I ask is that you watch this kid and get behind him. Stand up and cheer. Clap your ass off. Give him some support and love. He's worth it. And if everything works out as I think it can, Wily Peralta is going to give you one hell of a year and many reasons to love the shit out of him.

Mike Fiers #64, SP
2013 Prediction: 10-13 record, 4.21 ERA, 145 innings pitched 131 strikeouts and a hybrid of last year now that teams have figured him out but he'll still have some good gas mileage as the #5 starter.

Fiers is an interesting case because on one hand he had a fantastic season. But on the other hand he struggled big time in September as a result of fatigue and almost lost his rotation spot for this year because of it. His Spring Training this year mirrored the same path. He started off really well and then fell apart near the end. While fatigue can't be blamed this time around the questions remain - can Mike Fiers be an effective starter in the Major Leagues? Right now he is lined up to be the #5 starter which can help take some of the pressure off of him because his only job is to keep the team in the game. As long as he has around 10 wins and a mid 4 ERA at the end of the season, we can all view that as a success. Of course we would like to see him do better than that. Who doesn't want better? My Mom wants me to get a better job so I can afford to pay a woman to marry me so I can give her some grandchildren. Because the only way a woman would ever marry me is if I was rich and my Mom knows this. Let's no kid ourselves here pal. There's ugly and then there is Scott Reck. I'm in my own category. I don't know know what to think about my future just like I don't know what to think about Mike Fiers. I was behind him 100% last year when he came out of nowhere (seriously, when they called him up I was like who? Mike Fiers? I never heard of this guy and I spend a good amount of time getting educated on the future of the Brewers organization) and was one of the best pitchers in baseball for a couple of months. Can he repeat that now that teams have a decent scouting report on him? He doesn't throw hard and tops out around 91 MPH which means that he relies upon location and deception to get hitters out. So far that has worked out for him, but can he continue it? For some reason I think that he can even though I have nothing to back that up. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. If your #5 starter has 10-12 wins with a 4 ERA that means starters 1-4 are doing better and that my friends is a recipe for success. Forget about that green bean casserole that your mother makes. Although that does make for a nice side dish to pass at a potluck dinner it won't help the 2013 Milwaukee Brewers make the playoffs. But Mike Fiers can.

Mark Rogers #37, SP
2013 Prediction: n/a. Unfortunately I think his days as a member of the Brewers are over because if he doesn't have his velocity, what does he have? Hopefully a smokin' hot wife...

The whole theme of this post is the difference that a week makes. A week ago we knew that there was something wrong with Mark Rogers but we figured that he would start the season in the bullpen to try and figure out why he had an awful Spring Training (4 starts, 9 innings pitched, 7.00 ERA and an alarming decrease of velocity and control). Because he is out of Minor League Options (he was drafted in 2004) he either had to make the Major League team or be exposed to waivers where another team could claim him. Since the Brewers have invested so much time and money not only in the draft and developing process but also in surgery and rehab, they were going to keep holding on to him as long as possible. He still could be a really good pitcher. He showed signs of that last year when he went 3-1 with a 3.92 ERA in 7 starts with 41 strikeouts in 39 innings. But he is going to opening the 2013 season on the Disabled List until they figure out what is wrong with him. I like everything that I've seen from Rogers when he is healthy but that's been the biggest problem in his career. At this point I don't really have any faith that he can turn it around and help this team out. Sorry. But there just comes a time where you have to be able to pitch to be able to prove your worth. The starting rotation is already 6 deep and the starting pitching at AAA Nashville (Tyler Thornburg, Hiram Burgos and Johnny Hellweg) look ready to take the mound if a spot start is needed. There may not be a spot for Rogers if he ever figures it out. It's a real shame though because after all the injuries and surgeries he's been though I was really rooting for this guy to succeed. I hope he gets healthy and comes back to pitch for the Brewers but if not, then life goes on and I hope for his sake he has plans for life after baseball.

The starting pitching on this team will make or break us. Of course you can probably say that about most teams but it is especially true here because it's the only variable. For the most part you know what you're going to get out of the offense and the bullpen so these dudes will be the difference makers. A lot of things need to go right for this starting rotation. Yovani Gallardo needs to take the next step in his career and dominate. Kyle Lohse needs to be more like he was last year and not like he has been for his whole career. Marco Estrada needs to go deeper into games. Wily Peralta needs to learn how to control his pitches. Mike Fiers needs to be like 1st half Fiers and not 2nd half Fiers. Chris Narveson needs to be healthy. And I'm sure at some point we might even see Tyler Thornburg or Hiram Burgos make an appearance on this team and both of them need to be as good as they have been heralded. And Mark Rogers needs to get back on the field. That's a lot of things that need to happen and I'm sorry to say that all of them need to happen if we want to come close to winning 90 games and flirt with the playoffs again. I wish I could say that it would be easy, but if you look at 2008 (CC Sabathia, Ben Sheets and Dave Bush) and 2011 (Yovani Gallardo, Zack Greinke and Randy Wolf) it is the pitching that carried us to the playoffs. Will the names I mentioned above go down in Brewers lore as the ones who carried us to the playoffs in 2013 or will this just be another year (like in 2009, 2010 and 2012) where the offense is outstanding but is ultimately wasted? We'll know in about a month after each pitcher makes 4-5 starts and shakes off the early season rust and makes adjustments. Until then cut these guys some slack and buckle up. This has the potential to be one wicked season.

 - pookon -

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Tuesday, March 19, 2013

25 Brewers in 25 Days - 2013 - The Outfield

Outfield is the biggest strength for the Milwaukee Brewers and it trickles down to the Minor Leagues. When you consider that you have one of the Top 5 Players in MLB and annual MVP Candidate in Ryan Braun, a true 5-Tool player who took a huge step last year in Carlos Gomez, a Japanese import who successfully transitioned his offense (3x Batting Champion and 7x All-Star) and defense (6x Gold Glove) to the MLB in Norichika Aoki and one of the most promising Outfielders in the Brewers Minor League system with defensive skills that may be even better than Gomez' in Logan Schaffer, the outfield is set. And not only that, but it's going to be good. Damn good.  While these 4 guys will definitely bring a good share of the offense to this team I'd would be irresponsible of me not to mention their speed and defense. This will be without a doubt, one of the fastest outfields in all of the Majors. 

It's an atrocity that Ryan Braun has yet to win a Gold Glove and I can promise you that Carlos Gomez will win one this year if his bat keeps him in the lineup. I told you last year that Aoki would be that good and Mat Gamel's injury which moved Hart to 1st base ended up being a blessing in disguise. Aoki is the leadoff hitter we've been searching for and it allowed Rickie Weeks to move into a more productive spot in the batting order. Then you add Schaffer in the mix, who can play all 3 outfield positions with superior defense and you have a winning recipe. Just like that homemade Strawberry Rhubarb Pie I made for the County Fair. These fuckers are so fast you would think they would be felons running for the police. Carlos Gomez and Norichika Aoki may be on the Top 10 Most Wanted Lists in their respective countries but here in America they can claim Diplomatic Immunity. This pleases me because we'd be in big trouble if either of these guys got deported during the season. And speaking of trouble we have Brauny, who can't seem to stay out of it. As for Schaffer? Little Schaff-ski is as straight edged as they get so you don't have to worry about this kid ending up on the wrong side of the tracks. That's enough intro. Let's get down and dirty like these player's pants, which will get that way as a result of all the bases they will steal. Not because of accidental fecal deposit.

Ryan Braun #8, LF
2013 Prediction: .324 avg, .389 OBP, 38 HRs, 107 RBIs, 31 stolen bases and a lifetime ban from winning the NL MVP again even though his numbers say otherwise. You brought this on yourself pal.

I'm going to state this for the record in case you are one of the few people left in the World who are not aware of it - I'm not a fan of Ryan Braun. Never have been. I have many issues with the guy whose nickname of Shadows takes on a new meaning these days but I'll spare you for the most part. Basically if he didn't wear a Milwaukee Brewers jersey I would be booing him as loud or even louder than the MLB fans who do so at visiting ballparks. But I will always cheer for him and defend him because he is our guy, and the face of the franchise at that. He chose to stick around here for what is likely his entire baseball career so I might as well get used to him even if I don't like it. I will say that I have no problem with him as a baseball player because his stats are off the chart. And so are his accomplishments - 2007 NL Rookie of the Year, 2011 NL MVP, 5x All-Star, 5x Silver Slugger and 9th member of the 40 (Homeruns) / 30 (Stolen Bases) Club last season. I'm sick and tired of the whole failed drug test thing and the connection with the clinic in Miami this offseason because everyone asks me my opinion about it because I'm "The Brewers Guy." If you want to get me worked up ask me what I think about Brauny after a few cocktails and I'll voice my displeasure about how he constantly drags my team's name through the mud but when I'm sober I'm going to point to the facts. And those facts are that even though he failed a drug test because of high testosterone, he challenged the chain of custody and avoided a 50-game suspension. As for his connection with the Biogenesis Clinic in Miami? So far his name is just on a piece of paper. That's it. That is my comment. But the real issue here is that the Milwaukee Brewers would be screwed without Ryan Braun so I have to hope that he is telling the truth and doesn't get caught for doing anything illegal. I wish I could say that our season doesn't hinge on one player but no one can deny the difference of the lineup with and without him. 

But enough of the past. This article is about the future and it looks pretty bright as long as he is a part of it. In my years watching baseball I can say without a doubt that Ryan Braun is the best player I've ever seen in a Brewers uniform. Let it be known that I was born in 1981 and I didn't really become a big sports/baseball fan until the late 90's. Even though I grew up watching Paul Molitor and Robin Yount, I was too young or too interested in Star Wars and other nerd things to remember first hand how great they were. So I apologize if I have pissed off any fans of Harvey's Wallbangers and the teams of the 80's. If Ryan Braun stays healthy and stays out of trouble then he will surpass any former player and will own every single offensive record in Milwaukee Brewers history. If not for the whole PED controversy he would have easily won the MVP in 2012 because he put up better numbers than his 2011 season when he actually did win it. He pretty much put up a career year in 2012, but then again he puts up a career year every year. Can he do it again? I want to say no. But why say no when it feels so good to say yes? Hey, I’ll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher’s ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn’t you rather to take his word for it? No, what I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher’s ass… No, wait.... It’s gotta be your bull. We have derailed. Moving on...

Carlos Gomez #27, CF
2013 Prediction: .270 avg, .313 OBP, 21 HRs, 60 RBIs, 42 stolen bases, a Gold Glove and the most animated player that isn't a cartoon.

Is there a more exciting and more frustrating person to watch than Carlos Gomez? Brewers fans have watched him struggle to perform offensively which led to him being in a platoon or as a defensive replacement. And then the 2012 season he proved that he could get on base enough to utilize his speed and it paid off big time. He had a career year (.260 avg, .305 obp, 19 HRs, 51 RBIs and 37 {I'M 37!?!} stolen bases) and carried it over into Spring Training this year which put a good chuck of change in his pocket. He signed a 3-year contract extension for $24 million which will keep him with the Brewers through the 2016 season. Most importantly it keeps him around through his prime years of 28-30, which means that he's only going to get better. Theoretically of course, because he has to keep himself in the lineup by staying healthy and getting on base. This has been a problem for Gomez and for a different reason than you think. My favorite thing about Gomez is also what holds him back - his energy. He is one of the most upbeat, bouncy, fun loving people you will ever see in a uniform. He always goes 110% and never quits. There's a reason I call him Go-go-Gomez. Why is this a problem?  He tries to do too much which is how he broke his collarbone a few seasons ago by diving for a ball most centerfielders would have let drop for a base hit. He caught it by the way. And he likes to swing at everything, not content to talk a walk. He's like a little kid that needs to be put on Ritalin. He always wants to be active and patience is not one of his qualities. But he's got a surprising amount of power as shown by his 19 homeruns last year. So I'm all for him swinging at will as long as he is hitting above .250. Anything below that is unacceptable because his greatest strength is once he reaches base. This guy can flat out fly around the bases and is a nightmare for a pitcher and catcher. If he gets on first he's going to wind up at second whether or not you like it. But if you are a Brewers fan you are going to really like Carlos Gomez this year if he keeps taking steps in the right direction. It's good to know that he's finally putting all of his tools together in one shed while he's with our team and I for one am ecstatic that he'll be around for a couple more years.

Norichika Aoki #7, RF
2013 Prediction: .302 avg, .360 OBP, 8 HRs, 48 RBIs, 35 stolen bases and returns the favor by dropping the bomb on Americans who don't think that he can play our version of baseball.


I hate to be that asshole who rubs it in but let's face it, I am that guy. I called it when it comes to Norichika Aoki. Not that there were any doubters or anything. I was clamoring for him to start every day since his first day on this continent last season. Most people didn't know much about him or even understood the posting process of obtaining a player from the Japanese League. It seemed like kind of a reach to give several million dollars to a unknown commodity. But even though GM Doug Melvin admitted that he doesn't scout players in Japan he took a chance with Aoki because of the possible suspension of Braun. That obviously didn't happen and Aoki started the season on the bench. Gamel's injury moved Hart to first and Aoki into the starting lineup and the rest is history. Aoki should have been in the conversation for Rookie of the Year despite being 30 years old and 11 years in the pros with the Yakult Swallows. But that was last year. Aoki proved that he could hit for average, get on bases, steal some bases and play great defense. He also showed an usual amount of power despite his swinging style and small body type. He's cemented his place at the top of the lineup and in right field and I see him building upon it this year. He'll get more at bats because he'll be in those positions starting on Opening Day and it is my understanding that he adjusted quite nicely to the American style of baseball. He isn't scared of anything. He's not afraid of Godzilla, chupacabras, the Hodag, Sasquatch or even gas station sushi. Aoki is a 3rd level Samurai, can disappear in a cloud of smoke and has mastered the art of the Kamakaze Krush (known in the USA as the Suicide Squeeze). Aoki is another player that you can't help but like. He just does everything the right way and does everything well. There is not one complaint that I have about him and at $2 million a year he's an absolute steal. He's got an option for 2014 that is right around the same amount so you better start turning Japanese Milwaukee. I'll leave you with the following words: 則近青木、いまいましいな野球息子再生! あなたにたくさんの愛と小道具との同胞。 第二次世界大戦についての2申し訳ありません。 クールなアフレコが、右か。 なます。 また、それは私に赤ん坊のSAKI、ええ! Please copy and paste that into Google Translate to get a really funny translation that is a little off from what I originally typed, but made that much more hilarious by the differences in language. You can thank me later. どういたしまして.


Logan Schaffer #22, OF
2013 Prediction: .273 avg, 2 HRs, 28 RBIs, fan-fucking-tastic defense and the best Logan since Wolverine.

Logan Schaffer has impressed at every level of the minor leagues and keeps on turning heads with every single game he plays. At 26 years old he's hardly a kid anymore and it is his time to bring his talents to the Major Leagues for an extended period of time. He was a September call-up in 2011 and 2012 and has a .308 batting average in 26 at bats. I know that's a small sample size but when you also consider his .316 average during Spring Training from 2009-2013 in 117 at bats the future is definitely looking brighter for this young man. I'll throw one last stat line at you just to future prove my point that this guy is ready for the Major Leagues - in 401 games (1567 at bats) he has a batting average of .294, an OBP of .354, 254 runs scored and the most important stat which is a .989 fielding percentage. He only has 24 homeruns and 170 RBIs in his Minor League career so he probably doesn't profile as an everyday starter but he is the perfect 4th outfielder. He can play every outfield position but if you want to take full advantage of his skills you want to put him out in Centerfield. I would go so far to say that he might even be a better defender than Carlos Gomez. He's that good. With Braun locked up for life, Gomez through 2016 and Aoki through 2014 if they exercise his option (which they should), Schaffer will see limited time in the outfield over the next few years. But seeing as how he is left handed and extremely versatile. he should still get a start or 2 every week. In a right-handed heavy lineup he will be counted on to provide some balance and be able to get on base for the sluggers to drive him in. He has nothing left to prove in the Minor Leagues and is the perfect backup outfielder. I'm just surprised that it took him this long to be put in this role. Get used to watching Logan Schaffer because he's going to be around here for a long time. The only question is if he can succeed by getting limited playing time and pinch hitting. A lot of younger players struggle in that role. But he seems to have the moxy to throw down and not take shit from anybody. That's what I like to see in a kid just breaking out in the big leagues. He's going to be alright.

Khristopher Davis #57, LF
2013 Prediction: n/a. I'm not even going to bother because even if by chance he does make the team, he's going to be way out of his element so much that Walter Sobchak will constantly remind him of it.

Writing this blog during Spring Training is tough. I've already had to make a correction because Bobby Crosby has been released. I had predicted him to make the Opening Day Roster as a utility infielder. On the opposite side of the coin, Kris Davis was nowhere on my radar when Spring Training started. You don't want to put a lot of stock into anything that isn't a dirty magazine but it is really hard to ignore what Davis has done this Spring (as of 3/19/13) - 37 at bats, .351 batting avg, .400 OBP, 5 Hrs and 13 RBIs. He has gotten the opportunity to play every day since Ryan Braun has been playing with Team USA in the World Baseball Classic and he is certainly taking advantage of it. He has a pretty good chance of making the Opening Day Roster because as it stands right now the bench is left handed and without power. I guess they didn't pay the bills and it got shut off (yuk yuk yuk). Davis could be a good power bat off of the bench but there are too really big problems with that - he is only a left fielder and younger players (he is 25) typically struggle as pinch hitters. He is a defensive liability and would only pinch hit or get a start once every 3 weeks when Brauny takes a day off. Is that worth a roster spot instead of Taylor Green (left handed bat, can play 1st, 2nd and 3rd), Donnie Murphy (right handed bat, can play SS, 2nd and 3rd) or Blake Lalli (left handed bat, decent power, could play 1B or C and allow Maldonado or Lucroy to pinch hit while still retaining a backup catcher)? I don't know. The key to a National League roster (especially the bench spots) is flexibility because the pitcher's spot, double switches and late inning defensive replacements offer plenty of challenges for a Manager. When he only has a one-trick pony on the bench that really ties his hands down and doesn't really help anyone. Besides, all of the starters have incredible power so you don't really need any on the bench. Even though you'd like to see a player get rewarded for having a good Spring, I just don't see it happening. But I've been wrong my whole life so fuck it. What the hell do I know anyway?

The Outfield is a strength, and not just because of their popular one-hit wonder song "Your Love". I don't want to lose your love... TONIGHT!! I love that the Brewers used this song for Frank Catalanotto (which led me to Google Image search camel toe and realize I'm a lonely sick bastard) and Mark Kotsay when they came in to pinch it. The crowd would really get into it and sing along. Aside from that, Braun, Gomez, Aoki and Schaffer are going to be so ridiculously good you'd swear that you were playing a video game. They are all going to put up numbers so sick that even a double dose of NyQuil couldn't shut them down. So much for that shit being the The Nightime, Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, Stuffyhead, Fever, So-You-Can-Rest Medicine. It has no effect on the Brewers' Outfielders. That makes me happy. And also relieved because there's one less thing to worry about come Opening Day. 

Worry about the Starting Rotation. Worry about the rebuilt Bullpen. Worry about who is going to play 1st base until Hart comes back. Worry about your inability to satisfy your significant other sexually. Worry about what you would really do if we made contact with aliens. Worry about what you are going to do with your DVD collection now that Bluray is all the rage. Worry about your mismatched socks and your impending arrest by the Fashion Police. Worry about your high carb diet and how to lose those pounds to get ready for bikini season. Worry about that creepy guy who keeps following you home from work and peers into your windows in the late hours of the night. Worry that Stephenie Meyer will write another Twilight novel and you will have to suffer through another lifeless movie adaptation featuring shirtless men and sparkly vampires. Worry that you will never be in a position to not worry and be happy. Worry about plenty of things in this in this world but don't worry about the Brewers Outfield. They're going to be just fine. And probably finer than that young piece of ass you glanced at but then felt weird about it because you questioned whether or not she was over 18. Well she is. She is 22 by the way. I know because I checked her ID just to make sure. She's got a baby face but all the other parts are looking all grown up. Ok, now I'm really weirding myself out. I'm almost 32 years old now and I shouldn't be lusting over girls almost half my age. No wonder I'm still single. At least my single lifestyle allows me all the time in the World to watch Brewers games. So at least something good can come of this.

 - pookon -

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Drunken Movie Reviews - Flight

I've been a big fan of Robert Zemeckis for a long time. After all, he is the Director of my favorite movie trilogy of all time - Back to the Future. He also did Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Forrest Gump, Contact, What Lies Beneath and Cast Away. And then for whatever reason he went into motion capture for several years and did The Polar Express, Beowulf and A Christmas Carol. Flight is his first live action movie in 12 years. Needless to say I was anticipating this movie. But I didn't go see it in theaters because I really don't like to do that. I just prefer to watch them at home. With booze. And without pants. When it came out on DVD I had it at the top of my Netflix queue and I brought it over to my Mom's house on a Saturday for movie night with her, Eddie, my Papa and my Sister. I know that I saw the the trailer and I'm pretty sure that I read one review, but for the most part I avoided anything about the movie because I didn't want to spoil anything about the movie aside from the synopsis - an airline pilot saves a flight from crashing, but an investigation into the malfunctions reveals something troubling. When I sat down to watch it with my family that night (we were in the middle of a Denzel Washington run that had us watching Inside Man the week before and Deja Vu the following week) I had no idea I was going to have the most awkward movie watching experience in my life.

I spoil the shit out of this movie in the Drunken Movie Review below so don't listen to it unless you've already seen the movie or you don't give a shit about that sort of thing. I'd also like to point out that my review is as R-rated as the movie is, so please exercise caution if you are going to listen at work or around small children. In fact, sequester yourself away from the world for 20 minutes and check this out. I promise you that (like all my Drunken Movie Reviews) that it is more entertaining than the movie itself if you're in to my style of humor. I hope you take the time to check out shit like this because I sure as hell have a great time producing this content. Click play below or save the file for later for episode featuring booze, drugs, nudity, debauchery and everything thing else that sends you to a church to confess all of your sins.



Right click and Save As to download a copy of Drunken Movie Reviews - Flight:  http://pookonco.ipower.com/music/dmr-flight.mp3

I have a really good time with this and I invite anyone who wants to join me to watch a movie, get drunk and then review it to set up an appointment with my secretary. Since I can't afford one (and no female college students have applied for the internship) I have to be my own secretary for the time being. So email me, Facebook me, or Tweet at my drunk ass if you want to take part in this nonsense. It's a lot of fun and I'll even supply the movie AND the booze!! It's a win/win for you pal! C'mon do it now! What are you waiting for?!? C'mon!! Agh ga lah ugh ahh lagh! (garbled Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling)

 - pookon -

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Thursday, March 14, 2013

25 Brewers in 25 Days - 2013 - The Infield

When I first started this series in 2010 I did one article a day for 25 Days with each one being on a player who I thought would make the 2010 Opening Day Roster. 2011 was probably my best year as I added a video each day featuring some of my family and friends who were gracious enough to join me in my tomfoolery. 2012 kind of snuck up on me so I couldn't do one a day anymore so I created 3 massive articles that took forever to write and probably forever to read. Since I like to make some kind of change every year, in 2013 I'm going to do things a little bit differently. I'm still going to profile 25 players (and I'll probably stick in a couple more because there are still some players battling for spots) but I'm going to separate them into smaller categories: The Infield, The Outfield, The Starting Rotation and The Bullpen. I'm pretty sure every player can be sorted into those spots but as you will see in the coming weeks that some of them fit into more than one category and will be asked to do that in the coming season. Flexibility will be key for the team this year but let's start out with the group that's already set in place for Opening Day - The Infield.

For the most part the infield is set. Corey Hart and Mat Gamel's injuries do open the door door for a couple of players to start the season on the 25 man roster so I will be profiling more players than there will be spots for. I'm guessing there will be 2 backup infielders behind those 4 starters so you'll get a good amount of players in the infield once you add the 2 catchers to that mix. There will be some fluctuations until Corey Hart comes back from his knee injury but after that it's going to be pretty solid. I expect the infield to stay the same all season with the exception of injury. I'm confident with the guys out there even though defense is unfortunately going to be an issue again. But all of these players are plus in the offensive categories so the goal is to score more runs than we give up. Makes sense, right? I guess now it's time to meet your 2013 Milwaukee Brewers infield.

Corey Hart #1, 1B
2013 Prediction: .265 batting average, 18 HRs, 52 RBIs, 115 games played and a 1 way ticket out of town at the end of this season.

Although Corey Hart will miss the first month + of the season due to knee surgery (I would expect for him to make his first start during the first of second week of May) he's the starting first baseman when he returns. One of the strengths of the 2013 Milwaukee Brewers in the outfield is speed and defense, both of which Corey Hart is lacking at this point in his career. He has lost a lot of speed over the last few years (apparently he didn't feel the need for it anymore. Maverick would be so disappointed) and he never seemed like a natural outfielder. Sure he was serviceable, but so is a discount prostitute. They'll get the job done but it's not going to be pretty. When he moved to first base last year he seemed like a natural fit. His lack of speed no longer mattered and his 6'6" height with his go-go-Gadget arms saved a lot of errors from an error prone infield defense. I always give Hart a pass in even years (if you check out his career statistics he seems to always have a good year in the evens and a bad one in the odds) but after last season I decided to give him a lifetime pass. I'm done talking shit about Corey Hart because he's a damn good first baseman. And although it sounds like a cop out, at this point in his career he is what he is. He's going to be streaky and hit homeruns in bunches. He's not going to be patient at the plate and take walks. He will play good defense at first base. He won't steal bases. But he is probably the 4th best offensive player on the team behind Braun, Ramirez and Lucroy. It's important that Hart have a good year because we are depending on this offense to carry an inexperienced starting pitching staff. And it's a big year for Hart too seeing that he will be a free agent next year. Even though I've made my peace with Corey and he's forever #1 on the Field, #1 in my Hart, I'm fully prepared for this to be the last year of Hart as a Brewer. With 1st base prospect Hunter Morris knocking at the door, a minor league stacked with outfielders and his value on the open market, Corey Hart is as good as gone after the 2013 season. Since we're now friends Corey, how about you close out your Brewers career with a memorable season. It'll help you make that money. I just pray it doesn't come out of my pocket.

Mat Gamel #24, 1B/DL 4 Life
2013 Prediction: Tough Luck Pal. Sadface...

I'll be honest with you. Even though I do feel bad for Mat Gamel I really don't give a shit about him anymore. He can't even spell his fucking name right. The guy is as durable as a cheap suit. And about as ugly as one too. I don't ever wish for injury on someone and I bet rehabbing a torn ACL for 9 months then tearing it again and facing another lost year and another long rehab is rough. But the fact remains that Gamel will be 28 years old by the time he takes the field with the Brewers again in the 2014 season and he only has 240 Major League at bats in his entire career. To put that into perspective Martin Maldonado had 233 at bats in the 2012 season and he was the back up catcher. This asshole can't even stay healthy for one season. And this my friends is why minor league players are just prospects until they prove themselves. Some of them never get the chance to be somebody by having their names in the phonebook and some of them for whatever reason can't walk down the street without tripping over their own feet. And probably a couple of bums too. The economy has rendered a lot of really good people homeless. Even though Gamel is going to spend the year at home jerking off or whatever people do in rehab, he's worth an honorable mention here because he was supposed to be the starting 1st baseman while Corey Hart recovers from his knee injury. While Gamel won't see any playing time in 2013 he is still "young" in Major League service time and still under team control for another 3 years. So I doubt this will be the last we see of Gamel. Look for him to play a utility/bench role in 2014 unless he breaks his hip, cuts off his fingers in the garbage disposal, steps on a land mine, succumbs to Polio, donates his legs to crippled War Vets or whatever silly injury prevents him from taking the field. But until he learns how to spell his name correctly, does it even fucking matter?

Rickie Weeks #23, 2B
2013 Prediction: .262 batting avg, .358 on base percentage, 23 HRs, 70 RBIs, 93 runs scored, 15 stolen bases and more love from me than even his own Mother is willing to offer.

It's no secret that I love Rickie Weeks. If I was gay I'd marry him. I guess if I wasn't gay I'd marry him too. But I suppose he'd have to want to marry me. There's no way a 10 like Rickie Weeks would ever want to spend his life with a 0 like me. But why am I upset with that? I'm not gay! I don't like guys! God damn I'm weird. I'm definitely not like the majority of people who have bashed him over his career. I suppose they have their reasons and I took a lot of heat from them last year when Weeks was still batting .158 at the end of May. They were screaming, calling for his head and asking for him to be pulled from the lineup. But seriously think about it - was there a better option? Even though Weeks would never admit it, the ankle injury suffered in July of 2011 carried over into 2012 and he dug himself a hole. But he rebounded nicely to finish at .230 which is a big accomplishment considering where he was. I don't like to dwell on the past but Week's 2012 season is an indication of how much of a hard worker he is and how he will not sit back and become complacent. He's always going to give max effort and he will never be satisfied with his performance. That's why I expect Rickie Weeks to have a big year. He's injury free for the time being and is projected to bat 2nd in the lineup, which should increase his RBIs and runs scored totals. He's a key component for the Offense and he better have a good year because as we've seen in the past, as Rickie goes so do the Brewers. Trust me, it's not just a theory anymore. There is factual evidence behind that claim and I will be presenting that information at some point this summer when I call a press conference, so make sure to keep an eye on social media and official team releases for that date and time. I'm hoping that Weeks has a great year and convinces everyone that he's one of the biggest factors elevating the offense from good to great so I don't have to call a press conference. I don't like peeing my pants in front of everyone no matter if it does make me as cool as Miles Davis.

Jean Segura #9, SS
2013 Prediction: .281 batting avg, .327 OBP, 3 HRs, 41 RBIs, 22 stolen bases and yet another new kid that I'll have to yell at to get off my lawn.

Jean Jean made a machine. Yo Yo made it go. Hart Hart blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart. I know I used that last year but it's so good that I had to bring it back for another season. And if you don't like it then you need to embrace your inner child. But don't touch them. Touching children is wrong. Jean Segura is still a child because he is younger than me. Of course if I used that logic then like 90% of this team would be children. But he's only 23 years old so it's safe to say that he's the youngin' on this ball club. But even though some people may think that he's not ready for the Majors all you have to do is look at what he did last year in 44 game with the Brewers - .258 batting average, 14 RBIs, 19 runs scored, 7 stolen bases and 3 triples. If you still aren't convinced then check out what he did in 35 games in the Dominican Winter League - .324 batting average,  2 HRs, 21 RBIs, 26 runs scored, 11 stolen bases and 2 triples. I know those are small samples sizes but this is really good taste of how good this kid can be. I've already jumped on the bandwagon and purchased a #9 Jersey. I'd encourage you to do the same so you can be on the forefront of this before everybody starts doing it and your Mom yells at you for the "if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?" thing. Segura is going to be a fun one to watch this year and it's a shame that he already lost his Rookie status (too many at bats last year) or else he would be in the Rookie of the Year conversation. This kid is going to fly around the bases like the rest of the speed demons on this team because Runnin' Ron Roenicke takes the shackles off of his players. I'm expecting big things from this little kid and I hope he doesn't burn me like a former kid (Alcides Escobar) did. I still have that #21 Jersey hanging in my closet. But I have a good feeling about this one and I doubt that the Brewers are going to let another top flight young shortstop get away. 

Aramis Ramirez #16, 3B
2013 Prediction: .289 batting avg, .351 OBP, 25 HRs, 98 RBIs and another slow start just like me in the 40 yard dash.

If Aramis Ramirez could figure out how to get off to a hot start then he would be a MVP candidate. Considering that he was batting .235 in mid May with only 2 homeruns and 19 RBIs and finished at .300 with 27 homeruns and 105 RBIs proved that he's still an offensive force to be reckoned with. Maybe he just needs a blanket or we could press our naked bodies up against each other (but not in a gay way. Seriously, skin to skin contact is the best way to keep warm because clothes restrict the body's blood flow. It's science). I'd do anything to help Ramirez warm up in the first 2 months of the season because this year we simply cannot afford to get off to a slow start. The offense needs to kick it into high gear right out of the gates to give the inexperienced pitching staff some confidence and a buffer in case they falter a bit. As the clean up hitter Ramirez is the linchpin because we all know what Brauny is going to do. Someone needs to back him up and be that one-two punch. It worked so well in the 2nd half of the season and we needed to be the hottest team in baseball just to finish above .500. If he can avoid the early season slump then who knows what could happen. I hate to put such a responsibility on his shoulders but the offense is radically different when he is batting in the low .200s instead of the high .200s. He sprained his knee in a Spring Training game on March 3 and hasn't played since. Missing 2 weeks is not going to help him get off to a hot start because he'll likely only get 30 at bats. But last year he got 55 at bats in Spring Training and he hit .214 in April. Wouldn't that be weird if less is more? (CLICK PLAY TO HEAR WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW    ) Isn't that weird? He better not start slow because I don't want to spend yet another summer watching this team try to dig themselves out of a hole. The offense has shown that they can carry this team and they really only need to do it long enough for the kids to put on their big boy pants and get down to business. Aramis Ramirez will have a lot of say on how quickly they suit up.


Jonathon Lucroy #20, C
2013 Prediction: .305 batting avg, 17 HRs, 75 RBIs, 125 Games Caught and the most important factor in the success of the inexperienced starting pitching staff. He's also going to win the award for unsung hero or most underrated player on the team.

LUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCC!!!! should be everyone's 2nd favorite player. I would like everyone to stop swooning over the #1 favorite (that pretty boy Brauny) because it's so obvious. Everyone in Milwaukee loves Braun. Well maybe not everyone after the whole Testosterone/PED nonsense. But he is the go to because he is the face of the franchise. But you want someone who is more Milwaukee than California Shadows? That's Jonathon Lucroy. Even though he was born in Florida and went to college in Louisiana he plays baseball with a real blue collar Midwest mentality. As a catcher you have to get down and dirty but it's his work ethic that really impresses me. Everything you read and hear about Lucroy says that he spends more time with the Coaches looking at video or scouting reports than is humanly possible. The guy studies his ass off but somehow forgot to read up on physics, mostly the part about mass and gravity and the effect that they have on human hands. Sorry, I couldn't help but reference his broken hand as a result of a "suitcase falling on it." While I have no choice but to believe him, the real truth is that the Brewers missed Lucroy big time when he was out of the lineup. Aside from that he has managed to stay healthy and I would call him the 3rd best offensive player behind Braun and Ramirez. He's going to bat 5th in the lineup which is huge considering that Aoki, Weeks, Braun and Ramirez all have high on base percentages. If he stays in that spot he's going to have the opportunity to put up some pretty big numbers. That is unless his wife decides to drop another suitcase on him like Dorothy dropped a house on that Wicked Witch. Oh, you want a more current reference? How about dropped a suitcase on him like Harry S. Truman dropped the big one (dropped two big ones) on Japan in WWII. You want something more current than that? Umm... No. I'm sticking with the Fletch reference.


Martin Maldonado #12, C
2013 Prediction: .252 batting avg, 9 HRs, 32 RBIs, 37 Games Caught and a crouching little ball of love behind the plate that you can't help but fall for.

I'm all for Lucroy being the starting catcher but I get excited in my pants for when I get to watch The Mighty Martin catch a game. Lucroy is great and all but he's not very flashy. He's a hard-working tough it out Jason Kendall type. Maldonado crouches behind the plate in some of the best positions I've seen outside of a Kama Sutra book. Pay attention next time you watch a game on TV and try not to think dirty thoughts. But seriously. The guy knows how to position himself to block balls and frame pitches. On top of that he's got a rocket of an arm which makes would be base stealers think twice. The only question was his offense but as we all saw last year there was no problem. He even had a flair for the dramatic and came up with several clutch hits. He could probably start on just about any team in MLB that doesn't have an All-Star catcher so I'm more than fine with him being the backup. I've even got this cockamamie idea that the Brewers go with 3 catchers (with Blake Lalli being the 3rd) on the Opening Day Roster so that they can start Maldonado at 1st base during Hart's absence. It's actually not that crazy of an idea even though I stole it from a crackpot scientist. Although Maldonado has only played a handful of innings at 1st in the Minor and Major Leagues, he has been playing there for Puerto Rico in the World Baseball Classic.  That's still not a whole lot but we're only talking about 5-6 weeks here. The Brewers should do everything possible to get Maldonado and Lucroy in the lineup at the same time. I can't recall ever having a catching duo this good so enjoy these 2 guys as much as possible. Maldonado is going to have a fine year but as a backup it depends on how many games he ends up playing.

Alex Gonzalez #11, IF
2013 Prediction: .248 batting avg, 9 HRs, 42 RBIs and a smooth transition to being a backup and well liked by everyone in a Brewers uniform except for me because he stole my number.

I was really excited to see what Alex Gonzalez could have done with a full season but he didn't get the chance to. He tore his ACL in early May 2012 and was out for the rest of the year. When the Brewers traded for Jean Segura they had found their future shortstop. But every position needs a backup. With the exception of Prince Fielder, players rarely play every day in a 162 game season. Even young players need a day off to rest up physically or mentally. Baseball is a grind. I watch nearly every game and I'm exhausted by the end of the season. And I'm just sitting on my couch or in the stands! Damn. That's why it's a good idea to have quality backups who can play the field and also be available to pinch hit. In the National League players like Alex Gonzalez are extremely valuable and I didn't have any faith that he would resign with the Brewers as a backup after starting for the majority of his 14 year career. When he signed in late January it was already known that Corey Hart would be missing the first month + of the season but the big break for Gonzalez came when Gamel would miss the year. That's when Gonzalez reluctantly picked up a 1st baseman's glove and started working over there. And although it's only Spring Training and those stats can't be trusted (like an internet girlfriend you had on AOL when you were 15) he's looking pretty good out there. Just like SunshinNoe from Hawaii. Or at least her picture. I'm not so sure about the dude who was getting his rocks off talking to me pretending to be her. But I bet he's looking good too. Even though he has played all 1536 of his MLB career at shortstop he needs to be a utility player if he wants some playing time. He's been at SS, 1st and 3rd in the Spring so far and barring any injury he's going to get 2 starts a week and be the 1st bat off the bench. I'm sure that's not what he wants but tough luck pal. We don't get what we want. I didn't get to have sex with a teenage Hawaiian girl. Why should you get to be the starting shortstop?

Yuniesky Betancourt #3, IF
2013 Prediction:









Taylor Green #5, IF
2013 Prediction: .235 batting avg, 2 HRs, 12 RBIs, very limited playing time and most likely sent down to AAA when Corey Hart returns but will once again bounce back and forth between the Minors and Majors, screwing up his game and ruining his career.

I really don't know what to say about Taylor Green at this point. He's like Mat Gamel except for the injuries. What I mean is that he has proven that he can play Minor League baseball but hasn't really put it together in the Majors. He really hasn't had a chance thought because like Gamel he's a man without a position. If there is anyone who should be thankful about Gamel + Hart's injuries then it should be Green. He shouldn't go and rub it in their faces like an asshole or anything but the only reason Green will be on the Opening Day Roster is because the Brewers have decided to go with internal options at 1st base until Hart returns. He's seen his fair share of time there during Spring Training but I can't see him succeeding there in the regular season unless he plays every day. That's not going to happen as he is likely going to platoon with Alex Gonzalez and then be sent back to the Minors to get regular playing time. With Ramirez at 3rd and Hart at 1st, he's probably going to spend the majority of the season at AAA Nashville so I'm not going to bother trying to predict his season. I hope he has something to do with his free time because playing baseball for the Milwaukee Brewers won't occupy him for long. It's a shame though because he was the Minor League Player of the Year in 2011 but he just hasn't been given a chance yet. He may turn it up a notch when the season starts and convince them to keep him on the bench all year but I doubt it. This guy had so much promise too. Oh well.

Bobby Crosby #2, IF
2013 Prediction: .229 batting avg, 5 HRs, 30 RBIs and a decent comeback despite not being as impressive as comeback players before him.

Every year GM Doug Melvin signs a comeback player. Guys like Jim Edmonds and Gabe Kapler had big years with the Brewers after sitting out of baseball. Bobby Crosby is hoping to add his name to that list. Crosby is known for being the AL Rookie of the Year for the Oakland A's in 2004 and had a decent MLB career. He last played a MLB game in 2010 with the Arizona Diamondbacks and has a decent shot to make the Brewers Opening Day Roster. With the World Baseball Classic taking upwards of 12 players away from Spring Training he has had every opportunity to earn a roster spot. I see him as the Craig Counsell type - 33 years old, won't hit for a high average or power but can play SS, 2nd and 3rd. He'll probably make the team based on experience alone. Every player from Ryan Braun to John Axford to Bobby Crosby has a role on the team. You can't have a team of All-Stars. The Los Angeles Dodgers are trying to do that. The New York Yankees do that every year. What does it get them? Nowhere. Now they might win a World Series before the Brewers do but they also have more money. As a small market team we have to take chances on guys like Crosby, Kapler and Edmonds and hope they figure out their way to contribute while making under $1 million dollars. I'm hoping that Crosby can be that guy. If it doesn't work out for him at least he can go live with his brother Newton Crosby and live happily ever after with Stephanie and Johnny 5.

UPDATE 3/18/13: Bobby Crosby has been released from his Minor League contract. He got a late start in Spring Training due to a thigh injury and hit .188 with 0 HRs and 0 RBIs albeit in only 16 at bats. Since a spot would have to be cleared on both the 40 Man and 25 Man roster, the Brewers decided to go with another option. I really thought he was going to make it but that's what makes these predictions so tough.

Donnie Murphy #21, IF
2013 Prediction: n/a. I only profiled him so I could shout out DONNIE MURPHY!!

I don't care who Donnie Murphy is. I don't care if he makes the Opening Day roster. I don't care if he is more attractive than I am. Big deal. Everyone is. I don't care if he can build a scale model of Big Ben out of a bin of Lego blocks he picked up at a rummage sale. I don't care if he speaks 4 languages and is the American Ambassador to French Guiana. I don't care if he holds the Guinness World Record for most cotton balls eaten in 1 minute. I don't care if he knows the way to San Jose. I don't care if he care if he has never told a lie in his entire life and he can keep a secret longer than he can hold his breath underwater. I don't care if he traded the cow for some magic beans instead of money. I don't care if he would fly to the moon and back to be my baby.  I don't care if he was once a part of the Southwest's largest touring Circus troupe. I don't care about Donnie Murphy. He's probably not going to make the make the Opening Day Roster because of Bobby Crosby but I did have to mention him for one reason and one reason only - during Spring Training broadcasts I laugh every time they say his name. You might not think that there is anything funny about Donnie Murphy but you're just not saying it right. Say it like Dave Chappelle's Rick James says Charlie Murphy. DONNIE MURPHY! Gets me every time. 

UPDATE 3/18/13 - I have my sources that told me Donnie Murphy played in the World Series of Beer Pong in 2009 while rehabbing from a torn ACL. He's friends with some guys I know from Southern California. As you know, I attended WSoBP I-VII so there's a pretty good chance I might have bumped into him. While I feel bad for talking shit about a fellow WSoBP Alumni, the fact remains (like Bobby Crosby) he is not on the 40 or 25 Man Roster and still stands at a long shot to make the team. And even though I am retired from Beer Pong, I would definitley challenge him to a 1-on-1 game of 10-Cup. 

UPDATE 3/26/13 - With the Brewers bringing back Yuniesky Betancourt, Donnie Murphy has been informed that he will not make the team. Since he a roster move would have been made to add him in, they decided to go with a proven commodity. Like it or not, Yuni B is better than Donnie M. So I did the right thing originally by not giving a shit about him. I should always follow my instincts because Donnie Murphy sucks. And I'd probably still beat him at beer pong even though I've been retired for nearly 15 months. DONNIE MURPHY!

I didn't expect there to be so many players to profile in the Infield. When I planned on doing this first it made sense because of how the numbers go around the diamond (Catcher - 2, 1st Base - 3, 2nd Base -4, 3rd Base - 5 and Shortstop - 6) but I forgot that the majority of the bench is made up of infielders. And then I decided to include Mat Gamel (out for season) and Corey Hart (first month +) even though they will open the season on the DL. My intention was to keep this brief but I wear boxers. Gotta let the boys breathe. Just kidding. I like the support so I wear boxer briefs. I don't think we should spend any more time talking about my underwear. I don't think that I should have mentioned it at all. But one thing that I don't think I mentioned is the infield defense. Hart is the best first baseman this club has seen in a long time. Rickie is getting better every year but still struggles from time to time. Segura is going to learn on the job and will probably make some mistakes. Ramirez is a hell of a lot better than what people give him credit for. Lucroy and Maldonado are both good defensive catchers. Gonzalez is as slick as they come and Green is a defensive liability. It's harder than it sounds but if they just tighten up a little bit then we'll be alright. Nothing will hurt this inexperienced pitching staff more than shaky defense that forces them to throw more pitches. Even though they won't be the best defensive unit we're all hoping that they more than make up for it with their bats. And if they don't? Then it's going to be another really long summer.