It's fitting that I write this entry while sitting in a hot tub. Why? Because I filmed the video in a pool. I don't know why I did either of them that way, but it just felt right. I feel at home in the water, almost like I was meant to live in there. But obviously it wasn't meant to be. I would be the only Merman swimming around underwater with a shirt on. You can't swim free and proud in King Triton's sea while you are covering up your shame. Merman are supposed to be topless. That's the way that their people live. Much like Mermaids have sea shells to cover their totties. Oh sweet sweet Mermaid totties. I need to move on before I spend the next 15 minutes professing my love for Ariel, The Little Mermaid. So let's do what we came here to do today. Let's talk about the Milwaukee Brewers and not about how much of a weirdo I am. No one needs to read about something that they already know. I'm not here to waste people's time. What's the point of that? But I'll waste Ariel's time. God damn it I would waste her time so much. Wait.. what?
I don't belong under the sea, and 2nd base for the 2014 Milwaukee Brewers will be manned by somebody who looks like they don't belong out there. Rickie Weeks has been a part of this Brewers world since 2005, making him the longest tenured player on this team. He's in the last year of his contract and most Brewers fans probably can't wait to see him go to the surface and marry Prince Eric. Hell, I bet they don't care if he runs away with the Sea Witch or that will butler guy - what's his name, Grimsley or something? Or even the dog Max, Scuttle or Flounder. Just run away with someone. They don't care who. They just want him out of town. They are ready to hail Scooter Gennett as the next big thing. I bet they're even singing about it to any sea creature who will listen. Not me. I don't sing to sea creatures. And I'm also not most Brewers fans.
I don't belong under the sea, and 2nd base for the 2014 Milwaukee Brewers will be manned by somebody who looks like they don't belong out there. Rickie Weeks has been a part of this Brewers world since 2005, making him the longest tenured player on this team. He's in the last year of his contract and most Brewers fans probably can't wait to see him go to the surface and marry Prince Eric. Hell, I bet they don't care if he runs away with the Sea Witch or that will butler guy - what's his name, Grimsley or something? Or even the dog Max, Scuttle or Flounder. Just run away with someone. They don't care who. They just want him out of town. They are ready to hail Scooter Gennett as the next big thing. I bet they're even singing about it to any sea creature who will listen. Not me. I don't sing to sea creatures. And I'm also not most Brewers fans.
Rickie Weeks has been my favorite player since Bill Hall stopped winning games. I've been in his corner the whole time. "You're my boy Rickie!" I used to shout. And people just looked at me and laughed. "Iceman, when are you going to give it up?" they said. "He's injured every year and can't bat above his weight (around .220)." But I say that a healthy Rickie Weeks playing at the top of his game is one of the best players in all of baseball. He has so much power and is so wicked fast that you can't stop him. Plus he's got sweet hair and some junk in the trunk. At work a girl once asked another girl near me who was the most attractive player on the Brewers. I blurted out Rickie Weeks. Can you say Man Crush? But then someone came along and did a cannonball in the calm, still reflective waters. His name is Robert Paulsen. No that's Fight Club. His name is Scooter Gennett.
As sad as I am to say it, the future is now. Scooter came better than advertised when he made his Major League debut in 2013 when he had a .324 average, 6 homeruns and 21 RBIs in 69 games. He played solid defense and took over 2nd base for good in early August when Weeks suffered a season ending hamstring injury. It was then when Scooter truly shined. Much like Jonathan Lucroy, Carlos Gomez and Khris Davis, he started performing once he got regular playing time and was able to fall into a rhythm. How do you expect someone who has played every inning of every game every day of their life to succeed in a part time role? There's a reason why veteran players are the best spot starters and pinch hitters - they've been there before and know exactly how to get ready at a moment's notice with little to no prep time. Scooter is the future and Rickie is in the last year of his contract in which he is making $11 million. I know money talks, but will the Brewers really sacrifice the future and the present by putting Scooter, the better player right now, in a position to fail (on the bench as a spot start and pinch hitter) instead of the overpaid veteran who would do a better job in that role? Money talks. But stats don't lie. And when you want to win, sometimes you just have to realize that you have to do the right thing, no matter how much it hurts you or a player that has been with the team for over a decade.
Check out my 4th video, which covers Second Base for the 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, recorded in the pool at my Aunt's Apartment Complex in Scottsdale, AZ:
Do you like topless, husky sized males? Then you've come to the right place. I'm afraid of taking my shirt off in front of the mirror in fear that I will scare myself, so what am I doing topless in a pool? And why did I film it? I blame the beer. And booze. I blame my entire life on that. There's a reason it's called Liquid Courage. It makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do. Things you shouldn't do. Things you are scared to do. So I apologize if you saw a little bit (ok, a lotta bit) more of me than you asked for. Of course you asked for nothing, so anything more than that was morally unreprehensible on my part. I'm sorry.
Something happened when I was editing this page and I lost everything that I wrote on March 28th when I originally posted this. I wish that I could go back and see what I had written about these guys and also what their stat lines were. Why is this a big deal? Because a month of the season has been completed and Scooter is basically the every day 2nd Baseman (without them ever making it official) because he picked up right where he left off last year and if you want to be a smart ass about it, so did Rickie. He's struggling big time yet again, hitting under .200 and it's never going to get any better because he's only playing 1 game a week and getting 6-7 at bats (including pinch hitting) if he's lucky. That's no way of getting out of a slump. How can you expect someone to succeed with limited playing time? So before you get all up in my business about my stat predictions (which will be waaaaaaay off once we look back at them in October) keep in mind that I'm going to try and put them how I thought they would be before the start of the season. And also keep in mind that I'm probably the biggest Rickie Weeks fan in the World and all I ever want is to see him do well and live up to his potential. So if I'm madly in love with him, why would I predict him to fail? I guess you could call it blind love or trusting my heart instead of my brain, but I don't care what you think. So here's a reasonable prediction for Scooter Gennett and a overzealous and unrealistic (and foolhardy) prediction for Rickie Weeks:
Scooter Gennett #2 - .286 batting AVG, .326 OBP, 8 HRs, 38 RBIs, the "unofficial" every day 2nd Baseman and someone that Scooters like me and that orange bastard on the Muppets can look up to and someday band together to form a League of Scooters.
Rickie Weeks #23 - .261 batting AVG, .320 OBP, 7 HRs, 29 RBIs, a positive member of the team who will be a team player, act like a veteran and will end his career with the Brewers on a down note, a tragic story of what could have been if an athlete lived up to his potential. But nevertheless, Rickie will always be my boy. What kind of man would I be if I left his side in his greatest moment of need?
It's incredibly hard to write the last part of this article on May 13th when I could pretty much script out the remainder of the season for Rickie Weeks and Scooter Gennett. But why can't I create a script where Ariel and I fall in love? Because that my friends (who should probably stage an intervention at this point) is a god damn fantasy. Fantasies usually have happy endings. What's happy about a sad, pathetic fat guy trying to figure out how to have sex with a cartoon mermaid? I mean... where do you put it? I'm as baffled as you are. But somehow not as creeped out. Maybe I've just been around myself too long that I've learned to deal with it and accept me for who I am. Maybe that's why I love Rickie Weeks. I accept that he will never live up to his college stats and his 1st round draft pick status. I accept that he's going to make mistakes at 2nd base and strike out a couple times a game. My friend Dan at work said just the other day that you can't spell Rickie Weeks without 2 "K's" and 3 "E's". Get it? As in strikeouts and errors? Of course you got it. I laid it on pretty thick once again. So I'm torn because I love the past (Rickie) but I'm hopeful for the future (Scooter). How can I possibly decide? Looks like I don't have to, because I'm sure that the stats will decide for me. They'll decide for all of us. Stats don't lie. Kind of like Shakira's hips. Now that's a girl I should chase after. She's real, right?
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