It's in My Head - #17: Sexy Beekeeper

I wanted to post this at the end of October (when I was doing this whole "It's in My Head" nonsense). I realize now that this article is no longer topical, but I still feel like posting it anyway. It's my World pal! And it's my head! I can do whatever I want and you cannot stop me! Ha ha ha ha ha! This must be what evil mad scientists in the movies must feel like. They sit behind their giant desks and have diabolical plans that will change the World and no doubt enact revenge on those who strive to destroy their way of life. I want to be the super villain. But I'm not. I'm the hero that will overcome all odds, defeat evil, save the day and kiss the girl. But where were we? Oh that's right - I believe we were talking about Halloween. And when we talk about Halloween, we talk about a few things - trick or treat, spooks, ghosts, goblins and the most important thing of all - dressing up in a costume and being a complete slut and letting it all hang out on one day of the year when it is somehow acceptable to do so. That's what makes Halloween one of the greatest days of all. And that is what is in my head today, albeit in a way that you probably aren't ready to deal with.

Halloween has become a time of year when girls can dress like total sluts and feel like they can get away with it. Trust me, I'm not complaining about it. If anything, I encourage it. All of the girls out there need to do it more often and they need to do it around me. Lord knows I could use the stimulation. The only girls that I hang out with are my sister and my mother. I do not want them to dress provocatively around me (that should go without saying). So I am left with the dream world where I control everything around me. Think Inception but with only hot chicks in minimal clothing (no offense to Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Tom Hardy, Ken Wantanabe, Michael Caine and the crew - I need some hot chicks all up on me and shit. I'm talking Natalie Portman, Britney Spears, Mila Kunis, Scarlett Johansson, Hayden Panettiere, Katy Perry, Emmy Rossum, all of the Spice Girls, Victoria Justice, Kelly Brook and any other random girl that finds me attractive out of my dreams and into my car, Billy Ocean-style). This is my dream. And in my dream these women can't get up off of me. Seriously, I would push them off if it didn't feel so good. Don't worry Natalie and Hayden; there's plenty of me to go around. But where was I? Oh yeah - Sexy Beekeeper.

I don't know how I strayed so far from the point of this article, but I blame the Government. They are always trying to hold the people down. And they are always trying to tell the ladies how to dress. I disagree with this. If a hottie wants to show off the goods, I say let her. Halloween is a time when girls can dress like sluts and put those hot totties on display. You've no doubt seen them - Sexy Cop, Sexy Nurse, Sexy Vampire, Sexy Devil, Sexy (fill in the blank) and the list goes on. I've seen them all. But have you ever seen Sexy Beekeeper?

I'm a little disappointed that there is no Sexy Beekeeper costume. But there is a Sexy Bee Costume. Just look at that scantily clad girl to the right. But why should the sexiness only be allowed for the bees? What if the beekeeper wants to get in on the action? Imagine the mesh hood and boots on a hot chick with her midriff showing and her bosoms exposed to the sting of the members of the hive. She's there to cultivate the honey from the bees and she wants to protect herself, but she also wants to be sexy at the same time. It's hard to be sexy while fully clothed. That's why there needs to be a costume for the beekeeper as well.

So I'm all about the Sexy Beekeeper. But if you were to ask my honest opinion, I'm all about the sexy anything. In my head, every girl (not related to me) is sexy in their own way. Despite your preconceived notions of me, I love women. I love them so much that I obsess about them at almost every moment. They could be wearing footie pajamas with the trap door in the back, or a goose-down jacket with oversized carpenter jeans, or a sexy beekeeper costume, or a full body hazmat suit that protects them from toxic chemicals or nothing at all; I love them. And even though I know how creepy this (and the entire article) is, I can't help it because it's always in my head. This is one of many reasons why I am still single and probably will always be. What's in your head that prevents you from attracting the love of the opposite sex?

 - pookon -

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