I don't wanna die...

Truth be told, no one really does. That it is why explorers used to waste their lives searching for the Fountain of Youth. For besides the Cup of Christ that Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones Jr. and Henry Jones Sr. drank out of, eternal life does not exist. And even then, they had to remain inside of the temple for eternal life to be bestowed upon them. Since they weren't willing to do that, Indiana Jones got old and Henry Jones Sr. ended up dying. But I would like to live my life for a little bit, and enjoy this shit as long as I am still mobile. So I joined a gym. I decided to start working out a few times a week in a last ditch effort to loose some weight, get in shape, meet a wife, get married, and have some kids. My goal is to do all that shit by the time that I am 30. Cause the last thing that I want is to be old as shit while my kids are growing up. I don't want my wife to have to put the kids and me down for an afternoon nap at the same time. That would suck. So I guess I am putting my sad shitty life story out to anyone who happens to stumble upon this crap, but since Kevin is the only one who reads this, I think that I'm safe from the embarrassment for now. If I am embarrassed that I am fat and ugly, then why write about it then? It's because I remember reading somewhere that writing a journal or blog during this process is therapeutic. For some reason, it helps to put your thoughts and feelings down on paper or hard drive space, because it gets them out in the open. Even if the open is for your own eyes only. That's kind of what this blog is, for my eyes only. Now if I was popular, then I'd have to worry about tons of people making fun of me for being such a whiny crybaby about this crap.

So here it goes. I joined the gym (an Anytime Fitness center a block away from my house) on Thursday May 28, and went there for the first time on Sunday May 30. I plan on going at least 3 times a week, and picked this specific gym because it is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That way I can go work out at 11:00 pm when there aren't any people there to look at my fat and ugly ass. That is one of the reasons why I have avoided working out all these years because I'm worried that people would look at me in disgust and wonder why they have to share a space with me. When I was last there around 10:30 pm on Sunday, there were only 4 other people in there, so I didn't feel weird trying out the equipment. As you can tell by looking at me, I'm not exactly exercise savvy, so it was a little awkward even turning on the treadmills and other workout equipment. I had to read all of the instructions and keep the time, miles and weight limit to a minimum as I eased myself into it. I'm also planning on biking around more often, which is aided by the fact that the Milwaukee County Bus System put bike racks on the front of buses, which should eventually allow me to bike at least halfway to work. On Sunday, I biked home from Miller Park, and although it was a tough ride for someone who isn't used to it, I made it home. So at least I am taking steps in the right direction. The next thing that I need to work on is eating healthier, but I do have to take it one step at a time.

So hopefully I can get my weight back in check and start looking hot again. I certainly have enough humor and personality to win any girl over, but I lack the confidence and good looks that the ladies love. Hopefully I don't screw this chance to take back my life, because I've already screwed my life up too far. I do have a lot of regrets about my highschool and college days, mostly because I definitely wasn't a stud with the ladies. Now that everyone (including those 4 years younger than me) are getting married and having kids, I feel like my opportunity for that shit is growing smaller by the minute. So I have decided to do something about it, and I just hope that it isn't too little too late. I'd like to think that I have at least 50 years left in my life to make a difference and live it out to the fullest, but it starts with me turning it around. I would like to try and chart my progress somehow (if I do start making any) but I know that no amount of numbers can match the way that I feel if I do get into better health and shape.

So who knows. I may succeed or I may fail. But hell, at least I am trying. It's better than drinking myself retarded, sitting on the couch watching TV, stuffing my face with Twinkies and dying a slow and lonely death. Hell, anything is better than that. If good things to somehow start to find their way towards me, then you, my faithful audience (Kevin), will be the first to know. If you do stumble upon this I'd like to ask for your support in my endeavors. Oh, and if you do know any single women that are interested in a nice fixer-upper project (me), then give me their number. Better I get in touch with them now instead of later. Cause later I'm gonna be so hot that I'll have to fight off women with a stick. And they'll wish they knew me when there was just 1 girl vying for my attention instead of 1,000. But that's just me dreaming for now, because the only women on this planet that gives a shit about me is my Mom. And only because she's the sweetest lady in the entire world. And she has a heart of gold. I'm lucky that at least someone cares about my well being.

I feel good knowing that I am at least trying, and 2 days later, my muscles still hurt. But no pain no gain as they say, so I guess the hurt means that I am gaining. Gaining what, I don't know. I've only been doing this for 2 days now. We'll see what happens after a little more time passes. Hopefully by the next time you'll see me, you won't even recognize me. But chances are I'll never be able to lose this figure that has seen me labeled as "big guy", "large and in charge" and "tons of fun." But I guess it could always be worse. I don't know how, but I'm sure someone out there could present a worse situation that I'd be thankful to not have to deal with. So I guess that is it for now, and I'll write something in a few days. That is, if I'm not too tired to pound out a couple of non coherent sentences on this keyboard. Until then - stay beautiful.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

So this is what it's like to be 28...

I've been stressing out a lot lately about getting older. All of my friends are getting married and having babies, working real jobs and are upstanding citizens in their respective communities. And me? I'm raging it, living the dream, starting the revolution, occupying myself with Brewers and baseball stuff, playing beer pong and staring in documentaries. For a while, I envied my friends because they seemingly had everything that I was craving, but in fact I do have almost everything that I've always wanted. In case you didn't get the hint in the title, today I turned 28 years old, which is 2 years away from 30. Or I could look at it and say that I just turned 28 years young, and I am still just 3 years removed from college. Not many people are working in their given field and rocking their career right after college. I don't mind my job, but I still feel like it's not what I envisioned myself doing. Hopefully I still have plenty of time to work out all of the kinks before I consider myself an old man. I may not be living society's dream, because they are most likely be telling me to grow up and give up the whole beer pong and drinking thing. But I am almost living my dream. There's just a few things that are keeping my short of my goal.

I have a great family, and the bestest of friends that a guy can ask for. I have 2 jobs (one of them that I love more than life itself) and all of the material earthly possessions that anyone truly needs. The only things that I am lacking are a hot girlfriend/wife (hell, I'd be fine with any girlfriend/wife) and a beer pong win. I've invested so much time and effort into this beer pong thing that I want to see some sort of result. Truth be told, I have been featured in a soon to be released documentary, in several articles and I am well known in the beer pong community, but I have yet to win a CHBPL championship or even a small tournament. A week from Friday, I will get my 2nd chance on the first one (CHBPL championship). In my 2nd season of CHBPL (which was season 3) and my first with Fresno Chris, we made it to the Championship game onlt to lose in 5 games to Slider and Hudson. I've got a better partner now (no offense, but Joey Kanz is amazing) but the competition has gotten better. We're facing arguably the best team in the league in Sean Flood and Ben Beaird, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's now or never my friend. As for the girlfriend/wife thing? That one is a little further away from happening. I need to figure out how to meet people, cause once I do and I get comfortable, I can be myself and let my best attributes shine. So I definitely need to work on that one, because I want to still be young enough to goof around with my kids without worrying about bad knees or a stiff back. Plus I think I'd make a pretty sweet Dad. There's something about my youthful joy, exuberance and child like enthusiasm that I think would help me connect with children. And I also think that I would do whatever it takes to make sure that my children would have all of the advantages to succeed in life. Despite my issues with my parents (which I will not get into today) I think that they did do a good job with preparing me for life without them. And I'm better off because they cared. So I guess what it boils down to is that I need to take that next step in my life and settle down and start a family of my own. Even if I am reluctant to grow up.

So I guess I am no worse or better off than I was last year when I turned 27, although I may be a little wiser. In the past year I have gained some more experiences that hopefully will help shape my life for the better, but with a few exceptions, I am happy with where I am at in my life at 28. There is always room for improvement, and I will hopefully continue to take some more steps in the right direction and learn from my prior mistakes. After all, 28 is the new 22 or some shit like that. Isn't that the bullshit that people say to make it sound a little better? I guess. Or I may be wrong. I could be Mr. Bullshit or Dr. I'm Full of Shit, but to be quite honest with you, I'd rather be the one with the Ph.D. But what do I know, I'm just a 28-year-old dude who is making all of this shit up as he goes along. And so it goes. Hell, at least I made it another year. Here's to many more. But since I'm kind of an old man now, it's 1:30 AM and I need to go to sleep. Later dudes, and I hope you look this good when you turn 28.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

My Boring-Ass Life

My life has turned into a pathetic waste of space. I don't think that what I am doing right now is what I was meant to do. I work at a job that I am indifferent about. I show up for 8 hours a day and do what is required of me. No more, no less. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I certainly know that this isn't it. When I punch out, I go home, throw together some dinner, then lay on the couch and watch TV. Then I go to sleep and do it all again the next day. It's incredibly boring, but to be quite honest with you, I really don't feel like doing anything at all right now. It could be because of the weather, which forces me to stay home and keep warm. When I watch TV, I am snuggled underneath and electric blanket, and Coach Gordon Bombay (my cat) snuggles up on top of me or beside me. So it's not all bad because I am warm and hanging out with my BFF - best friend forever (really more like my OFF - only friend forever). I don't have the will to work on this blog or my website, both of which are really suffering because of lack of recent content. And I don't feel like calling up a friend or a family member to hang out. I just don't feel like doing anything. Normally I am ok with being a pathetic waste of space, but now my conscience is nagging at me to do something with my life. I'm closing in on 30 (in 2 more years) and my life is just as retarded as it was 10 years ago. Only then I was 18 years old with my whole life in front of me. Now I'm just some 27 year old who thinks that his big break in life is going to come on the opposite end of a Bpong table shooting 40 mm ping pong balls into 16 oz plastic cups. And I have this ridiculous notion that a silly documentary is going to make me a star and I can quit my stupid job and tour the country playing beer pong. Oh, and I become a semi-professional athlete in the process and make dollars off of sponsorships. But wait, there's more! I'm putting all of my eggs in that basket so if that doesn't pan out, I'm screwed. So I sit at the computer and make shit up and wait until the day all of that happens.

While I'm at work I'm filled with excitement about what I'm going to do when I get home, and start making lists of projects that I'm going to complete, but then then couch sucks the life out of me. It's like an unholy beast sent from hell do deter God's plan for me. Simon Birch called himself an instrument of God. If I am in fact an instrument of God, then God must be playing the wrong notes. Or God might be being one-upped by this mystical life-sucking couch. Hard to believe that God is being bested by a davenport that folds out to a bed, but then I realize that God has bigger and better things to do then to smite a davenport. But if I get home and my couch is a smoldering pile of ash, then I'll know that God's will has been done and he's telling me to get off my ass and do something. It's funny that only only an act of God could get me to give up on creating the perfect ass-grove in my hand me down davenport. Because at this moment in my life there is nothing else that can separate my rump from those cushions.

It sucks because everyone else around me is growing up, getting married, starting families, working sweet-ass jobs, having life experiences, and I'm not doing jack shit. I have my 10 year High School Reunion coming up in October of this year, and I'm hesitant to go because I haven't done shit with my life in the last 10 years that I would consider to be worthy enough to brag about to people who were better than me 10 years ago, and probably are better than me today. The worst part about it is that I realize this, yet I do nothing to change my current situation. I expect change to happen to me on its own and that it is not necessary for me to put in the time and the effort. So I really am a pathetic waste of space. But that thought won't deter me from going home, mixing a nice stiff drink, then sitting on the couch watching TV until I fall asleep. I'd hate to say that I've given up on life, but it's starting to look that way. I feel like my best years are behind me and I've lost out on the opportunities to change my life for the better. So I'm doomed to end up as another nameless faceless dude in the crowd and fade off into the night. That is unless someone out there realizes that this Iceman character is pretty sweet and they want to throw some dollars his way. I'm not begging or anything, but a little somethin' somethin' wouldn't hurt. I'm just saying. Help a brotha out man.

So that's how I feel today. And that's kind of who I've felt all year so far. I know it's about 58 days into the year so far, and there are still 307 days left, but so far 2009 has been a total disappointment. But I always get a little depressed in the winter, and usually the only thing that can cheer me up in the return of baseball. Pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training on February 13th! So heads up Iceman, better things await! You have a whole new year of Brewers baseball to look forward to. At least that'll be a good thing to watch while sitting on the couch, right? There I go again, trying to rationalize my current livelihood. As long as I can make it seem ok, I can sleep easier at night. But I sleep easier at night when I pass out sitting up on my couch with my contacts still in. Which kind of happens more often than not. That couch is sucking my will to live, and it's only a matter of time before I do something about it. Hopefully that day is tomorrow. But knowing me, I'm going to spend my life hoping for tomorrow.

And I succumb to it's demonic powers. It appears that I am just not strong enough (or one with God enough) to resist the evil temptation. But even today the couch will not stop. It's an unholy demon hellbent on causing me long lasting fatigue and regret. So while I lie on the couch, injustices are happening to the people of unjust nations, the poor continue being poor, the hungry keep starving and the helpless are not being helped. It's sad but true. And to think that I could stop it all by getting my no-good keyster off of the couch and stand up to all of the hate and suffering and put it right back where it belongs. Every night I come home with grand ambitions of how I will change the world, and the couch beckons for me to lay on it and forget about those world changing ideas. But I don't and I won't, because my ass groove in the couch will not form itself, and as I watched him on the stage my hands were clenched in fists of rage. No angel born in hell, could break that Satan's spell. And as the flames climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial rite, I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day the music died. Bye bye Ms. American Pie indeed. Touche Don McLean, touche. Sad but true. That guy knew exactly what I am talking about.

Rage against the davenport my friends. Rage on! Rage until you can't rage anymore. And maybe someday we can fight this evil demon. We shall band together as one in a final battle of Good vs. Evil, and at the end of the day, Good shall triumph! That day shall come; the prophesies have foretold that glory. But until that day arises, we shall quietly wait for the coming of the Savior of couch dwelling. Who knows who that may be or when he shall come, but await his presence dear friends. He shall come, and when does, the davenports of the world will erupt in flames and they shall be sent back to hell where they belong! And your asses shall be free of their captive clutches. Fear not my friends, for that day shall come. Any day now, that day shall come. Until then - watch out for your behind, and await the coming of he who shall save you!

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

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CC Ya Later, Alligator!

We knew that Sabathia was just a rental and that it would be extremely difficult to sign him when he became a free agent. We knew that the Yankees made starting pitching (mainly Sabathia) their #1 target this offseason. We knew that we only had a snowball's chance in hell that he'd take less money to stay with us. We knew that he said the right things about Milwaukee and his time spent here, and I honestly believe that he had a really good time playing for this team, hanging out with his teammates, and seeing this city embrace him as he carried us to the playoffs. We knew that we were a long shot to have the best pitcher on the free agent market, if not the entire league, to toe the rubber for the Brewers come Opening Day 2009. We knew these things when Sabathia came to our team on July 7, 2008. But on December 10, 2008, everything that we already knew finally happened.

But even though we already knew these things, it doesn't make it any easier when it actually happened. CC took the money ($160 million for 7 years from the New York Yankees) and ran, but can you blame him? Suppose you were one of the best people at your job, and Company A offered you $140 million in guaranteed money, while Company B offered you $100 million in guaranteed money. You'd take Company A, right?

Not so fast. Turns out that Company A is an evil company that uses child labor, turns shady deals, is scrutinized by every other company (not to mention the millions of people on the outside watching the company), and the employees at company A are like the hired guns of the Old West - they're in it for the money and don't give a shit about loyalty. Company A is also located in one of the busiest and dirtiest areas on the planet, and it will cost you tons of money to work there, not to mention live in the area. Oh, and everyone at Company A eat babies for lunch. It's mandatory if you work for Company A.

So suddenly company B is looking good. You worked at company B for 2 ½ months and everyone at company B (including every single man, woman and child in company B’s State) loved you. Not only that, but they worshiped you. You were put on a pedestal and was heralded as the savior of the entire year. You were Man of the Year, and everyone wore the same clothes that you did as a tribute to your hard work. You were basically a Saint that could do no wrong. You were arguably one of the best employees in company B’s short history, and you made the biggest difference in 26 years at company B. So what if it is 40 less million dollars. You can’t put a price on happiness.

But wait, there’s more! Company A comes back and offers you $160 million over 7 years, and says that you don’t have to eat babies. Well now it’s a no brainer. You certainly could think of things to do with an additional $60 million dollars. Hell, I could think of things to do with an additional $60 dollars. So suddenly everything bad about Company A doesn't look as bad because now it is tinted in mint green and surrounded by dead Presidents. You can now afford to make changes. And maybe, just maybe, Company A isn't as bad as it looks like from the outside. Maybe the people at Company A are only jerks and assholes to outsiders. But once you're an employee, then you are treated with dignity and respect. But I still can't vouch for the foul mouthed consumers of Company A and how they will treat you. Oh sure, they'll love you at first, but be careful not to screw up. Because if you screw up, you are a $160 million dollar mistake. Hard to write that one off. But that comes with the territory, and that is why you are given $60 million additional dollars to help deal with the pain. You can now dry your tears with $20's whenever you are sad. Or just take a trip somewhere to clear your head. Life's good when your rich. But sadly I'll never know... No one has ever offered me $60 additional anything to go anywhere. I was never presented with the decision, so I can't really do anything than present my "what if" opinion."

So now it's time to stop using fake "Company A + B" scenarios because everyone knows what I am referring to. I just felt like doing it that way. CC Sabathia chose the New York Yankees over the Milwaukee Brewers (or any other team that had yet to make an offer) because there would never be a better offer than the one made by the Yankees. It is obvious that decision came down to the money. As evidenced by reality TV shows (most notably Fear Factor), people will do just about anything for money. Even go live in a city that we really don't want to live in. It may not have not been his ultimate goal (which I think was the San Francisco Giants), but with that additional $60 million dollars he can certainly live anywhere he wants and make anywhere feel just like home. Plus in the offseason he can afford to keep his home in Southern California. He wanted to live in California and pitch in the National League (so that he could bat on a regular basis), but in the end none of the teams could come up with an offer that was even in the same galaxy as the Yankees offer. There really was only one choice to take then, and that one was the best offer. I really don't blame him because a player of his caliber should command the best salary out there. He really is an exceptional player (and person, as I am told) so he should get rewarded for his efforts. And since there is no salary cap in baseball (which is a topic that I will not get into today, since it is a monster debate) this kind of thing will continue to happen. The teams with the deepest pockets will always get the best players. Thankfully the best individual players doesn't always translate to the best team, and as much as I loved CC, I will be wishing with all of my heart that the New York Yankees once again miss the playoffs (like they did in 2008.) Money can buy you the best players, but unless you have the right players, you're never going anywhere.

So even though he is now one of those dreaded New York Yankees, I’ll never forget what CC Sabathia did for the Brewers. I’m still not going to go out and buy a #52 Sabathia jersey, but I will recognize and thank him for putting the team, this city, and the franchise’s often spoken about 26 year playoff drought on his back and carrying them into right into October. I have no reason to hate him. I will continue to boo Carlos Lee and Francisco Cordero (especially CoCo) because they left to play for inferior teams for the same amount of money. I hate to say it, but CC was just a little too good for us. The only way you can ever afford a megastar player is to lock them up when they are young (like Ryan Braun) or offer them a monster contract (like CC Sabathia). Since we didn't have the money to keep CC, we'll just have the memories of his time here and his contributions to the franchise. During his press conference when he was introduced as a Yankee, he shed a little light on why Milwaukee could not compete with the Yankees for his services. Although his statement hurts, it is nonetheless a true statement. "In Milwaukee, they would have been looking at me to win every single game," Sabathia told reporters in his first public comments since season's end. "Of course, I expect to win, and I know that's going to be here [in New York], too. But I think it would have been even more immense pressure there, because they wouldn't have been able to put the pieces around to actually help me win. I think I can get that here." If we committed $20 million+ per year to CC, we wouldn't have the money to keep Prince Fielder, JJ Hardy or Corey Hart, and it would difficult to sign any free agents at all. That's a lot of money for a team with a payroll of $80-90 million to commit to one player. And if he gets injured, we still pay him that money while he is sitting on the bench. It would've been huge to sign a player like that, but too difficult for the Brewers to pony up that dough for a guy who only plays 1 out of 5 days (and sometimes 3). It would have been franchise suicide for the ownership group led by Mark Attanasio to make that kind of mistake. These guys are business men, and they obviously looked at the short and long term implications of splashing out that kind of money, and they put their best offer out on the table. I commend them for even getting CC Sabathia in the first place, and showing this city that they were going to take the necessary measures to field a competitive team. No one that calls themselves a Brewers fan can be upset that we didn't offer CC more money to stay in Milwaukee. End of story.

So now that CC Sabathia has moved on, we need to thank the big man and move on too. There are still plenty of question marks on the 2009 team, and signing Mike Lamb, Jorge Julio, Casey McGehee, R.J. Swindle and Trot Nixon don't answer any of those questions. They all provide very interesting low-cost options, and some of them (like Lamb and Julio) seem primed for bounce back years. I think the Brewers do need to add another starting pitcher to the rotation, but need to be wary of adding another Jeff Suppan (a #4/5 pitcher commanding a salary of $10+ million per year) because we certainly don't need that. With each passing day, we get closer to Spring Training, so hopefully some of those questions do get answered. If not, 2009 is going to be an interesting year. So keep your heads up Brewers fans, don't set lofty unobtainable goals for the 2009 season, and cheer your asses off. The Crew is going to need your support in 2009 if they are going to go to the playoffs for the 2nd consecutive year. My prediction - we once again dance in October. The Brewers will fight hard and figure out a way to get it done. Until Spring Training or another Brewers acquisition, that might be it for my Brewers talk in 2008. But I'll be back in 2009 with some more of my insight into our favorite team. So until then - keep turnin' up the heat!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

My Hunger Strike

So it has been 20 days since my Hunger Strike!, and I feel like it has been in vain because nothing has changed since then. I still eat garbage all the time, drink lots of beer, and eat at inappropriate times of the day. And to make it worse, I never sent the $96 check to my Mom so that it could go to charity. I brought one with me when I was at her house 3 Sunday's ago, but because I was drunk when I wrote it out, it wasn't in proper check format. (I had written the numbers 96 in numerical form instead of spelling them out like ninety six and 00/100 on the second line.) I promised to send another check, but since that day, I have not had enough money in my checking account to clear that check. So even though the money will reach the proper charity eventually, I had intended for it to be done in a more timely fashion so that I felt like I had accomplished something. If I were to have done it 20 days ago, both my body and my bank account would have taken a hit. Instead I'm just some useless loser who can't change himself or the world around him. God I wish that I didn't suck so much. For once in my life I took a chance and decided that I was going to make a change for the better, and all that I could do was stick to it for 96 hours. From the moment I ate something and ending the Hunger Strike, everything that I intended to accomplish ended right there with it. But alas, it still can be considered a success if I ever feel like a guilty piece of shit for not following through on my end of the deal and shape up hardcore. Since I keep suppressing my feelings and emotions (most often with the assistance of alcohol), I doubt that even the strongest guilty feelings will be able to creep up into my head and cause havoc. But who knows, maybe I'll see Jesus or something and have a Revelation and change my life. Christmas is coming up; I may just get a visit from the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. As long as they don't look creepy like in the Muppet Christmas Carol (although that Giant was pretty sweet) I'll be ok with their visit. What's the worst that could happen? At least if I listen to the spirits, then Tiny Tim won't die. That's got to be a good thing, right?

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So when I look back at November 2008 in the only way that I can (through these blog postings and my website) I will see that I had a sudden change of heart and decided to listen to Jiminy Cricket (my conscience) for 4 days. I will see that it was the 1st time in my life that I decided to care about someone other than myself (poor and starving people) and to do something about it. I will then see that after those 4 days, I went back to being the selfish, robust, cold hearted bastard that I always have been. But I guess that at least for those 4 days (out of 366) I was a different person. That's something to be a little bit proud of, right? I don't really know. Screw it man. I am who I am and I guess there is no way to change it. So I'll just sit and bitch about it while all of my friends are out getting married and having kids, and I'll just be sad and alone. It makes me feel like a complete and total loser. But at least I don't live in my Mom's basement. But I live in the 2nd worst place - above a bar with 2 other dudes. They say it's never too late to turn things around, but it is when you've given up on life. I really don't know what else to say here, but this coming Sunday (November 30th) I plan on giving my Mom that check for charity. I also am seriously considering going back to church. Maybe Jesus can help me turn my life around. Cause if he can't, then no one really can. Have you found Jesus yet Gump? I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him Lieutenant Dan. Well now I know. In fact, I've probably known since 1994 when I first watched that flick. But maybe someday I will go out looking for him. Who knows. But for now I'll continue to sit here and write about how depressing my life is, even though it really doesn't have to be that way. But life is what you make it, and you only get one chance to make it rock. And I'm running out of time to do it before I'm old and it's too late. Maybe one day I'll look back on all this nonsense and laugh over how stupid I was to believe that my life sucked balls. But maybe my life will suck more and I'll look back and realize just how sweet it really was. But there's only one way to find out - and that's to just keep living and see what tomorrow brings. So I'll do that. And maybe tomorrow I'll have something positive to say. See you at ze track.

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- pookon -

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http://www.pookon.com/

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 96 (4 Days)

Hour 96 was as long as I could make it without eating, although in retrospect I probably could have gone longer. When I got home from beer pong around 1:30 in the morning, I made myself a nice big salad complete with all the fixings. It really didn't taste that good, but I ate it anyway because I was drunk. See, I decided to drink during the games, and although the beer contained calories and was possibly a violation of the rules of a hunger strike, it may have ended there. But I defined this as a not eating hunger strike, and although I abstained from consuming any calories prior to Friday night, I decided that I was going to drink beer if I was going to play beer pong. After all, there was no reason to keep this thing going any longer because I didn't have a reason to keep it going. So a little after 1:30 am on Friday night, I ended my 4 day Hunger Strike. And when I woke up in the morning, I promptly threw up the salad that I ate the night before. I don't know if it was my stomach reacting to not eating in 4 days or the amount of beer I consumed on an empty stomach. All that I do know is that my Hunger Strike came to a very violent end. I should not have been drinking if I hadn't been eating, and I certainly should have picked something better to eat, like a sandwich or some soup. Something that wasn't as rich in flavor or multitude of different things (lettuce, mixed veggies, cheese, croutons, dressing) in order to let my stomach catch back up to speed. But I didn't, and I dearly paid for the price on Saturday morning, believe me.

But now that the Hunger Strike is over, I can certainly say that I am lucky and fortunate to have the choice of whether or not to eat. I would hate to feel like I did over the past 4 days and for it to not have been my choice. The stupid and idiotic thing that I did is a reality for a lot of people in this world, and hopefully my $96 donation will make a better day for one or a few of them, even if it just for one day. $100 is a lot of money for me, as it represents around 1/12 of my monthly income. With rent and all of the miscellaneous bills that I have to pay, it's difficult for me to give that money away. But when I think about all of the security that I do have compared to others less fortunate, I shouldn't be worrying about crap like that. Even when I do give away this $100, I will still have a roof over my head, a job, transportation, food, heat and electricity, and family and friends that love me. When Joey Kanz heard of my Hunger Strike, he initially wondered why I was doing it. I told him what I told you guys - no reason, just kind of felt like doing it. But when I told him that I pledged $1 to charity for every hour I made it without food, he decided to strike along with me. I am happy to report that he went 72 hours without food, and he also plans to donate some money to charity. So I guess I did make a difference after all. I finally did something good that got noticed by someone else, and they emulated my good deed. I believe that my Hunger Strike now did have a purpose, and that was to make a change, even though it appears to be minor. But this minor change can have big effects, much like when you drop a pebble into a pond and the water rings grow bigger as they circle outward. Now I'm not going to lie, in the 24 hours since my Hunger Strike officially ended, I did eat a little more than I normally would have in a normal day. I guess I was just excited to be eating again and slipped back into my overeating ways. But that shit can not and will not continue, or else this whole strike thing will have been in vain. It was meant as a way to start some changes in my life, and if no changes are made, then I really did strike for no reason. Since I don't want to be a jackass and be laughed at for my meaningless plight, I must stick to my guns and try and make a change. Michael Jackson has done a lot of things that people and society shun, but he did make some pretty kickass songs. I especially like this one because it has a strong message, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer. If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change." The guy has led a pretty messed up life, but at least he moonwalked and delivered some good messages to millions every now and then. That's more than I can say about my life. I can't compare myself to the King of Pop, and I shouldn't. Every person is unique, and therefor not comparable to others. So I needed to do my own thing and go on this strike. I guess we'll see where it goes from here.

So I gave up eating for 4 days and raised $96 for charity in the process. Now that sounds like a good time. I don't know if I'd ever purposefully do it again, but maybe someday I'll give it a go just to try and beat my own personal record. Although my body was starting to feel a little weak, I did feel like it had been cleansed of all the toxins and chemicals. That tends to happen when you don't eat and drink nothing but water; you flush all that useless crap out. I was starting to show signs of wear, and my work performance was slipping, but if I had to go back to the beginning of the week, I certainly would do it all over again. It was one of those life experiences that you only get to be a part of when you do something different. I always say that you only feel alive when you step outside of the ordinary and experience change, which is why I love getting tattoos. You sit there for an hour or more while someone is inflicting pain on you. It's a numbing sensation that cannot be replicated. Not eating for 4 days also made me feel some kind of pain, and it also seemed unusal. I felt more alive this week than I have recently, which was really cool. But I'm back to eating, and hopefully I will start eating better and healthier. I'll let this week be a lesson to me, and use some of my experiences in my future travels. But oh what a wicked week it was. Until next time my friends - later dudes.

- pookon -

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http://www.pookon.com/

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 84

Not much has changed in the past 12 hours, although a lot will certainly change within the next 12 hours. I'll explain in a bit. I still don't feel hungry at all, although I do have momentary periods of time where I get hungry because something smells great (like a cup of coffee that someone next to me was drinking) or I see someone eating something (like a chocolate bar). When I'm on my own, I do alright, although last night after dinner I was really tempted to end the strike. I even looked in my cupboards to see what I had available to munch on. There wasn't much in there, and what little was left didn't really look appetizing. I'm just not in the mood for maruchan ramen noodles or instant "just add water!" pancakes. To tell you the truth, I really do feel like eating anything in the near future. Why eat when you aren't hungry? But I might have to start eating soon because this hunger strike is starting to cost me a lot of money. It's already up to $84 and counting by the hour. There I am - being a cheap bastard and only caring about myself. Don't I know that this money is gonna go to a good cause? Some family out there is going to have a pretty sweet Thanksgiving dinner because of me. Or even multiple families. I've never done anything like this before, so I never really knew how rewarding it is to make sacrifices for others. Even though my stomach is empty, my heart is full of warm happy feelings.

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Which leads into the next part. I am going to have to end this tonight when I go play beer pong. I can't drink if I don't have any food in my stomach, and I don't really want to play with water in a live game because it is a violation of the terms of the game. Now I practice with water all of the time at home, but I have never done it in a league sanctioned event. True, I have used it at the World Series of Beer Pong (in the back 4 cups only) and at bars where they don't allow drinking games (where we play with water and have a beer on the side to get around the city ordinance). I don't think that I can do it in league. But why do I care that I am breaking this strike that has been ongoing for no particular reason? I don't know why I do care so much about it. It's like I'm striking for a reason. True, I am donating some money in the end, but that's only because I felt like I needed a reason. I guess I don't want to end it because I already feel healthier. I know that it is not possible, but I feel like I already have lost a few pounds. I still look the same, because it's going to take me a lot of time and effort to look like a Greek God again, but I feel better. I am worried that I am going to get sick soon, because starving yourself is not a great way to get healthier. In fact, studies have probably shown that it is less healthy to starve the weight off than to work it off by dieting and exercise. I'm no doctor (although I went to college for 7 years), but that makes a whole lot of sense to me. If you're gonna do something, do it right.

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So I guess I will let you know when this story comes to an end, but it will be ok because it will have a happy ending. There's no point in going 84 hours + without food. So I'm going to stop, eating a shitload of nachos, then probably throw up because my stomach won't be ready for that rush of awesomeness. So I guess instead I will take it slow by eating some soup and crackers and drinking 7 up, much like I did whenever I had a stomach virus when I was little. For some reason, when you can't hold any food down, 7up and saltine crackers figure out a way to stay down there. It's probably another one of those things that scientists and doctors have tested and proven, which is why my Mom used to feed me that stuff when I was sick. And so at least it goes on for a few more hours, because I can't eat anything until I get back home. I thought that I was Starting the Revolution by going on this Hunger Strike, and it looks like I have made a little bit of a difference. Time will tell on that one, and I will see you all in a few hours and let you know about my decision. Later dudes.

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- pookon -

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http://www.pookon.com/

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 72 (3 Days)

Hunger Strike! makes me think of Panda Watch! as reported by Brian Fantana on Anchorman. It's completely pointless and there's no reason why people are getting into it. While I can't compare myself to ling-wong (the giant panda at the San Diego zoo) and I certainly won't be getting as much coverage, it still makes me laugh to compare Hunger Strike! to Panda Watch!.

Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian? Brian Fantana: Panda Watch! The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off. Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, Panda Jerk. Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich. That's Classic! (slapping the knee). That shit gets me every time.

But in all seriousness, I think that it is time to end this Hunger Strike. If I had a cause or a reason behind it, then I could have an excuse for keeping the streak alive. But I don't, so I am just purposefully hurting my body by denying it nutrients and vitamins that it needs in order to operate. I almost hit a wall earlier today, and although I'll admit it's fun to space out and get all woozy while watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas on my iPod in the breakroom, enough is enough. I don't need to pass out because my system shuts down. I do have health insurance, but I'd prefer to not use it unless it is completely necessary. This Hunger Strike is anything but. The problem that I had today is that I couldn't concentrate on my work, and when you are implementing rates and inventories for hotels, if you make a small mistake it can be very costly for the company. If I enter a rate as $159 a night when it should have been $195 a night, the hotel is still going to charge us our agreed upon contracted rate of $195 a night, meaning that our company has to cover the losses. Now I'm never one to care much about their job or the company that they work for, but I'd rather like it if I didn't get yelled at or chewed out by my 5 bosses. Because like Office Space, I do have 5 bosses. Oh, and I also have a swingline stapler in my desk drawer, but sadly it isn't red. Although I don't really like my job, I don't want to get fired because I have too many bills to pay and I like sleeping indoors and having heat and electricity. So since my work performance has started to suffer, I MAY have to end this strike. I haven't made a final decision yet, but at least I made it 72 hours (3 Days). That's something to be proud of I guess.

So I almost gave up tonight, but I kept my composure and made it through dinner without slipping up. We went out to the Silver Springhouse to celebrate my grandpa's 84th birthday, and everyone ate dinner and appetizers except for me. My Dad questioned my Hunger Strike and told me that I should just order some food, but I decided that I've come too far to quit now. I'm just gonna keep riding this out until I get too hungry to function, or until I feel like eating again. I'll probably top out around the 96 hour mark (4 days) because I need to start eating again so I don't get sick. I can't afford to get sick, but I can afford to eat healthier. And in the end (no matter what extreme measures I took to get there) this is what it's all about - being open to change. I'd like to end this tomorrow, but I've already inspired both Joey Kanz and Jenny Reck to start Hunger Strikes of their own. Now that they have gotten on board to start the revolution, I don't think that I can stop now. I needed a Hunger Strike ally along the way (Gordon was the closest one who helped me out) but didn't get one, so now it is my chance to be there for someone else so they don't have to go it alone. But who knows what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm just kind of making this shit up as I go along. I wouldn't have it any other way. C ya later alligator.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 60

So I woke up this morning with a bit of a hunger headache, and for the first time since this started, I felt a little weak. I chalked it up to normal morning feelings and grogginess, but I'm pretty sure that the HS has a little something to do with it. When I was younger, I used to get some real badass migraine headaches, and sometimes they would incapacitate me for hours. I used to have to go home sick (or stay home) from school sometimes because the only thing that would cure them was sleep. Sometime around my late teenage years I stopped getting them, and it was a total relief. I never really knew what caused them, but on certain occasions I remember it being because I didn't eat anything. Granted I was a whole lot smaller back then and didn't have as much reserves (fat) to keep my body going without food, but I'm still getting worried I might get them again if I keep this up. I don't know if you have ever had a migraine headache, but it's pretty much one of the worst feeling that can happen inside of your head. It's a persistent pounding that never ceases, and you start sweating hardcore. It's like a bad fever, only at the time there was no medicine that could remedy the pain. Then one day they just went away. God I hope they don't come back.

I asked Coach Gordon Bombay (my cat, not Emilio Estevez) to strike with me, and he just meowed, so I gave him some food. It's rough being in this alone. I thought for sure he'd be my HS ally. He's just a cat for Christ's sake, what the heck did I expect from him? So I started my morning the usual way by surfing the internet and listening to the Doug Russell show on AM 1250 WSSP. Do you know how many food commercials/sponsors there are on the radio? The fact that Palermo's Pizza is giving away pizza cutters at this Friday's Admirals game made me start to salivate. And those are just cutters, not actual pizzas.

So I pretty much passed out for the entire bus ride to work (which is about 1 hour, including a change of buses at Bayshore Mall) and kind of stumbled off of the bus and into work. I was feeling a bit space out this morning as I started my work, so I have a feeling it's going to be a pretty interesting day. I punched in at 9:04 am, and started working at 9:10 am (tee hee). At 9:15 am an email popped up in my inbox alerting me that there were free eats (unnamed treats) in the breakroom. Curiosity almost got the best of me, as I was so close to getting up to go check out what I would be missing out on, but I decided not to. It's bad enough that I know there are free eats in the vicinity, I don't need to torture myself any further by actually looking at them.

Curiosity got the best of me, and I went and looked. NACHOS. Why did it have to be Nachos? I LOVE Nachos. Oh C'mon Iceman, show a little backbone. I sure picked a hell of a day to stop eating. And then my internet went down for an hour, and I was sitting in my cubicle doing nothing. Everything that I do is either internet based or on a shared network drive, so for an hour I sat here and thought about the free nachos in the breakroom. Have you ever noticed how often people talk about food? The big conversation every day is where are you going for lunch. My friend Crystal was thinking about going to Jimmy Johns. Lisa is eating nachos at her desk. Trey had some kind of soup, and the aroma filled the air and drove me batshit crazy. So now I'm on the edge of insanity and getting crazier by the minute. But I think I promised 72 hours (3 days) so I will at least wait until that time has past before I decide to keep going or end the strike. I guess we'll find out when that time comes. Hey, at least so far I've raised $60 for charity. That's got to be good, right?

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 48 (2 Days)

So now it's been 2 whole days, which still doesn't sound like a lot of time... unless you are me. Do you know how hard it is to not do something that you love for 2 whole days? I love to eat, which is commonly referred to as the Kurutz Kurse. (I intentionally spell curse wrong, much like we intentionally spell court wrong when referring to Kurutz's Kourt up at Afterglow.) My Mom's side of the family, the Kurutzs, are known for their willingness to party and extravagant food spreads lovingly called Nana Meals. Whenever our family gets together to party, there's always way too much good food, and it's hard to stop eating because it is so incredible. And so I eat until I'm about to burst, which rarely results in a good aftermath. Especially when there is kielbasa involved. I'll leave it at that, much like I will leave the 3rd grade humor back in the hour 36 post. Regardless of how this all shakes out (because I know I'm going to eat something soon, I not so sure I can make it much further than 72 hours) I hope that I learn some kind of lesson from this adventure. Cause that's what life is all about anyway - having adventures and taking experiences away from them. I just want something positive to come out of this interesting departure from my everyday life. Or else what is the point of all of this?

2 days. 2 whole days. It went by real fast. Normally I am too busy goofing around, sleeping, and working, so to be honest with you I didn't really even notice that I haven't eaten during that time period. I guess I just don't really get hungry, and I eat just to eat. Tomorrow is a new day and more erie feelings might creep up into me, so I hope I'll have some interesting things to share. Since I really don't have anything to add anymore, I'm only going to do 2 updates (once every 12 hours) a day at 1:30 am and 1:30 pm. Those times (especially 1:30 am) are important because they represent turning points in this saga. So for now I am done, and I will once again go to sleep on an empty stomach. Oh, and the Hunger Strike charity dollar count is now at $48.00. So some good will come out of this then. Hooray for being righteous and noble.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 42

Life sucks when you are hungry because it's all that you think about. Nothing else matters except getting a little tiny bit of food in your tummy. Just enough to get you by until the next time that you can eat. At least that is the way that it is for people who are really starving. This Hunger Strike may seem like a joke to some of you, but this has given me a brand new perspective on things. By stepping outside of my comfort zone and making a sacrifice (albeit a rather small one), I feel like I have learned something. I think that I'm a little bit more tolerant of other people, and I can understand why people do things. When I ell people that I'm on a Hunger Strike for no reason, they stare blankly at me, then ask the eternal question - why? I still don't have a good answer for that question. I just tell people I'm doing it because I've never done it before. That seems to suffice for now, but once we get to 72 hours or something I'm going to have to come up with something a little more concrete. But knowing me, I'll probably fail by then, so I won't need to answer questions. But what do I know, I'm just a guy.

So the temptation has been strong, and it has been worse considering that I neglected to tell anyone that I was on a Hunger Strike. This was painfully obvious when Jenny stopped over to give me my mail, and she cooked up a big sweet bag of microwave popcorn. You all know how wonderfully fantastic that stuff smells. Now imagine how wonderful it smells after not eating for 42 hours. I'm pretty sure that's what Heaven smells like. They should make air fresheners, candles and incense that smells like microwave popcorn, but then people would probably start eating the canisters, wax and sticks. I know I would.
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So other than a little distraction and a whiff of fantastic smells coming from Applebee's at Bayshore Mall and when I passed by Grecian Delight on the way home, I'm doing pretty good. I don't even feel like eating yet. Apparently the hunger hasn't hit me yet. I'm pretty sure that's tomorrow when I wake up after not eating for a total of 54 hours. If my alarm doesn't wake me up in the morning, my stomach certainly would. Then I would yell and curse at it, punch it, and set the sleep timer. Just like I do with my alarm clock. And then I will get up and go to work and think about food all day. Or something like that. I just hope that my cat Gordon doesn't start looking like one of those savory rotisserie chickens that you buy at the grocery store. Now that would be make for an interesting evening. Me chasing him around the apartment, and him ducking and hiding under and behind every object within range. Please Lord don't let it come down to that. I'd eat my own arm before I sunk my teeth into my baby. Well that's it for now, I'll throw another post up here before I head off to bed tonight. Oh, and start saving some food for me. When this ends, I'm gonna feast like the Whos in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Roast Beast here I come!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 36

I'm not going to type a lot cause I'm not supposed to be doing this at work. But I like to rage against the machine, stand up to the man, and goof around at work. In your face corporate society!! I love using company time for personal gains. It's like taking a poop at work - everybody poops so why not get paid to do it. Plus then you can use their toilet paper, but they usually get the rough stuff. If you want the gentle double roll cotton stuff, you gotta hold it until you get home. But I'm not going to talk about pooping, because even though everyone poops, you don't poop if you don't eat. And this blog just became filled with 3rd grade humor. I guess I'm just shooting for the lowest common denominator again, and bathroom humor always kills with those people. You can go political or topical, and they'll stare blankly back at you. If you make fart noises with your mouth (or better yet, with a whoopie cushion) they'll fall out of their seats with laughter, clutching their sides and crying in the process. The whole world is doomed. To not think about the hunger, I need to think about other things to keep my mind sharp. In the next few days (if I can rock it that long) you'll be reading some very interesting stuff here. It's gonna be wild.

So it's been 36 hours, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting a little bit hungry. But not that much really, because I rarely (except when there is free eats) eat at work. I'll snack on an occasional bag of chips or pretzels, but I mostly do my eating at Vitucci's 2. My biggest test (since every test from here on out is exponentially bigger than the one before it) will be when I get off the bus tonight and have to walk by McDonalds, Grecian Delight, Sil's and Chubby's Cheesesteaks without succumbing to the Temptations. Oh My Girl, It Was Just My Imagination. When I get home, I half expect Tim Meadows and a bunch of chicks to be in my bathroom eating hamburgers, then they will try and persuade me not to eat them. I think I kind of want them. Luckily for me there is no way in hell that Tim Meadows and some scantily clad women will be eating burgers in the bathroom, so I will have no problem resisting the temptations. Unless they turn bad feelings into good feelings, don't give you a hangover, are not habit forming, and are the cheapest shit there is. If they are, then I'm in trouble. Then God help me. God help us all.

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So I just totally almost ate a dum-dum lollipop. I wasn't even thinking. I unwrapped it and brought it near my mouth, but then I realized what I was doing. So what, it's only a lollipop, right? But that's how it starts. First it's a lollipop, then it's a couple of chips. Before you know it, you're eating one of those Renaissance Fair giant turkey legs and the gravy is dripping down your chin. And just like that, you're back to being a food junky again. Not me, I will not give in to the Temptations, no matter how good they sound. I won't even crack if some asshole walks down the hall carrying a bag of bag of delicious fatty food from Wendy's. Those devils are just not making this shit any easier. But I've come too far to turn back now. What if Frodo turned back when he reached the edge of the Shire? Then Middle Earth would have been screwed. Like Frodo, I will not quit. I'm gonna dispose of this cursed ring into the fiery depths of Mordor too. Then I'll be the hero of the world. Or just some dude who decided to go on a Hunger Strike for no reason. Whatever. But at least it gave me an excuse to waste company dollars by typing a lot. Work can rule sometimes. Later dudes.

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- pookon -

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http://www.pookon.com/

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 30

It's not too hard going on a Hunger Strike when you A.) don't have food at your house and B.) don't have money to get food outside of your house. Sure, I could eat condiments on paper napkins like a true homeless person, but I'll just refrain from eating for the time being. If I start scrounging around for half eaten scraps of food and free condiments, then slap me and tell me to stop these shenanigans. This Hunger Strike nonsense isn't worth getting sick over. At least I'm not going full out bum and sleeping with cardboard boxes and newspapers in the back alleys of downtown Milwaukee. That's just crazy.

I've always been told that breakfast is supposed to be most important meal of the day, but I never eat breakfast because I wake up 45 minutes before I catch my bus. I wake up so late because I stay up until the wee late hours of the night and don't get to bed until 2 AM. I don't really get tired because I never do anything except sit in my office chair at work, sit on the bus, sit on the couch and sit at my computer. If I actually moved around the day I might actually burn calories or use up some of my stored energy. So I don't eat breakfast because I don't need to kick start of energy in the morning to get me going. The only time that I eat breakfast is at McDonalds, and I'm pretty sure that a greasy Egg McMuffin and greasier hashbrowns are not the most important meal of the day. No matter how much you're McLovin' it, it doesn't make it a good McFreakin' idea.

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So the big task will be seeing how I do at work today as I'm crunching numbers and trying to stay awake. I normally am bored out of my mind when loading hotel rates and inventory, so we'll see how this crap goes once my stomach goes from full to empty as I burn this tank down to fumes. So far so good though. I'm getting used to this not eating crap. What the heck are all those people in 3rd World Countries complaining about? Bunch of whiners. And wow. That is officially the most offensive and worst thing that I have said today. Here I am trying to bring about change and I have to be an ass about it. Some things just never change then I guess... See you at 1:30 pm.

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- pookon -

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http://www.pookon.com/

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 24 (1 Day)

So now it has been a complete day since I started this Hunger Strike thing. To be quite honest with you, I am feeling full right now. Not an single bit hungry. That makes me realize that I eat way too much, and not just when my body needs the food. I eat for the sake of eating and because it tastes good. It's almost like I eat because I love doing it. That's what you call an addiction ladies and gentlemen. I'm hooked on food and I'm loving every single bite. Oh no! That means I'll probably be going through withdrawals pretty soon too. That's gonna be a rough one as I'm sitting in my cubicle tomorrow. The hunger will probably hit me tomorrow too; I just hope that my growling stomach doesn't upset my co-workers. Then I have to explain to them that I'm participating in a meaningless and unnecessary Hunger Strike, and that I'm basically doing it for fun. The real test will be if someone brings in free eats tomorrow at work. There's this sign up sheet that people are supposed to get on, and when it's your turn, you're supposed to bring snacks for everyone. Sometimes it's donuts or cookies, one time it was apples with hot caramel dipping sauce, and another time someone brought cupcake sized cherry cheesecakes for their birthday. All were extremely delicious, but it was wrong for me to eat them all because I have not signed up to participate in the snack bringing. But that's how I am - take take take take take. I never give. Which is why I will keep this Hunger Strike going so that I can give. In the end, it may only be like $48 dollars, but it will be $48 dollars more than what they already have. I've been drinking plenty of water, and I haven't had a single thing that contained calories in the 24 time period. So far I am holding up pretty good, and I probably wouldn't even be thinking about it if I weren't up at 1 in the morning writing about it. But those midnight cravings didn't come today, and I even hung out downstairs at Vitucci's 1 and refrained from drinking a beer. For the 1st time in my "adult life" I could've totally cheated and done the wrong thing (and totally got away with it no less) but I didn't. Oh, and there were Hershey's chocolates on the table in the living room, and although I looked at them, I didn't touch them. No way. A Miller Lite or an individually wrapped kiss is not going to make me quit on this meaningless game. Not now. Not when I am only 24 hours in to it. What if Columbus had said screw it, it's been 24 hours, might as well stop looking for a safe water route to Asia. We'd all be Indians. This is one thing that I'm not going to quit. At least for now...

Before I go, I just want to address the fact that many (if in case many people read this crap) people may be like, "so what asshole, you didn't eat for 24 hours. Big whoop. I've done that plenty of times." I know you have, and I'm pretty sure that I have too. That's not the point. The point is that I'm an over eater and that I'm borderline compulsive when it comes to the stuff. It's a big step for me to purposefully commit to breaking a bad habit, and sticking with it for at least a day (and counting). That's about 23 hours longer than I usually get, as I also have problems with commitment. I'm not very reliable, and most of the time I feel like a real piece of shit. If I can prove to myself that I do something little and insignificant, then maybe I can do other things too. It's an attitude adjustment, it's not just about the eating thing (although it certainly does factor in to the equation.) Basically it breaks down to this - I don't like the person that I have become. Somewhere along the line I gave up, and let my life kind of go to hell. I blame my looks or my personality on the fact that I've been single for 27 years, but in all honesty it's the fact that I just haven't tried. And I've used my glasses, or my wavy hair, or my "alcoholism", or my weight to blame for my lack in socializing with other people. I've always got an excuse for everything. Time to stop making excuses and take control of my life. I used to think that I'm running out of time, but the truth is that time is all that we really have. I'm gonna go to bed and try to figure out why people like me, because when I look in the mirror all I see is some ugly bastard that doesn't care anymore. It's time for me to see through that and see what everyone else sees - the real me. But it's gonna take longer than 24 hours for me to figure that one out.

Good night folks, I'll see you in the morning. Save some breakfast for me - just kidding :)

- pookon -

www.pookon.com

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Stike : Hour 18

So we're on hour 18 right now of my hunger strike, and to be honest with you, I'm not hungry at all. I was just doing dishes, and I was in close proximity to food, and I had no intention of putting any of it in my mouth. Before you congratulate me and award me a gold star sticker, I'd like to point out that all of the food was several days old and well caked on plates and bowls. I don't think even the Starvin' Marvins of Ethiopia would mow down on that crap. I should really be doing this cause for hungry kids or some shit, because they are the ones who need nourishment for survival. I'll tell you what, I'm going to pledge $1 for every hour that I abstain from food then I am going to give that money to my Mom so that she can get it to the proper charities or families that are in dire need of help. That way I'll feel like I am doing something instead of just being silly. If you read this and actually care, you could also pledge some sort of donation to the hungry hungry (and I'm talking about those board game Hippos) and when this is all said and done we can present my Mom with an envelope of cash. I know that we don't have a lot of money, but there are people out there who have less than we do. It's like the Arrested Development song Mr. Wendell - "Here, have a dollar. In fact, no, brotherman, here have two. Two dollars means a snack for me, But it means a big deal to you." I orginally picked the bowling logo because it was funny, and I intended to make fun of people going on hunger strikes, but in fact this really means something. In one of the later postings, I'll shed a little light on hunger strikes and give my opinion on them, but for now we'll stick to the topic on hand. I picked the matchstick because it still is humourous, but at the same time it's lighting a flame and getting something started. Which leads me into really my only purpose for doing this.

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So I still don't really know why I'm doing this, and although you might not really care why I do things, I still think that there is supposed to be a reason for everything. Without getting all philosophical and religious, I believe that everyone is on this planet for a reason and one day we will all get to do our part (be it big or small) to change the world. I don't think mine has come yet, but I do know that this is not it. This is just me being a little depressed and looking for a little something to break me out of a funk. I hate myself right now, so it's tough for me to be positive. If I can prove to myself that I can set a goal and achieve it, then maybe I am not a total loser, failure, and disappointment to my family and friends. You know, not to discredit what I am doing, but I just realized that there really is no one around to make sure that I'm not sneaking candy bars when no one is looking or raiding the fridge after midnight like a sinister mogwai. You pretty much just have to go by my word, and if you don't believe me, I completely understand you because I lie all the time. I've never been serious for a moment in my entire life, and even at the most serious of times (family illness, my parent's divorce) I'm cracking jokes and trying to lighten the mood. I always tell people to not even to take me seriously cause I'm full of shit and I'm all talk and no game. Well this time I'm bringing the game when I say I'm going on a hunger strike. I can't promise to make a difference or bring attention to an issue, nor can I promise to keep this going for an extended period of time (which would be ridiculously unhealthy). I can promise to pay attention to what I am doing and to start acting in moderation. It's time to get on up and get healthy, and I think that this is a nice start. 18 hours isn't a whole lot of time. In fact it is next to nothing. But it is a start. And everything must have a start before it can end. Let's hope that the ending is a little more far off than 1:30 am tonight, cause what's the point in a 24-hour hunger strike? See you in 6 hours...

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email : pookondotcom@gmail.com

Hunger Strike : Hour 12

I've got a little bit of a weight problem, and the problem with me is that I eat the wrong kinds of foods and I don't exercise like at all. The proper way to fix my problem is to eat right and exercise, but I'm going to take a more drastic approach and go on a huger strike, and see how long I can go without eating before I cave in to the demands. I last ate at 1:30 am last night (another of my horrible eating habits, which is eating crap food right before bed) when I had some french fries and Nacho Cheese Doritos. During this time period of a hunger strike (if I get pretty far into this, I'm going to think of a good cause to strike towards) I can not willingly consume calories, so that means no food, candy, snacks, juice or soda. I obviously will be drinking plenty of water and taking some vitamins, so that my system has something to work off of. Hopefully I can keep this going long enough so that my body starts eating away at the useless fat that is clinging on to my body. I know that this isn't healthy, but I have to try it. Just like I had to try not sleeping for more than 36 hours because I read someone that you start getting delirious. In the name of science, I need to see if the same thing happens here. So it's been about 1 hours since I ate anything, and the lunch hour is upon us. I usually don't have a problem with food at work because I don't bring a lunch, nor do I have enough money to get something out of the vending machine. I also do not have the time to walk to the nearby restaurants, so I usually eat when I get home. So that means around 7:30 pm tonight (17 hours in) will be my biggest challenge today.

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This kind of got me thinking about other things. It's like a challenge - how long can you go without _____? Or how long can you do ______? One thing that I'd like to do is see how long I can wear the same shirt (it would have to be an undershirt, since I can't wear the same shirt to work everyday) before it started to drive you crazy? The smell alone would make you want to change it, but how long could you deal with it? Or how long can you go without shaving? Eventually you would look like a homeless guy or a mountain man, and people would have to stage an intervention to clean you up so that you are presentable. Having all that scraggly facial hair and looking like a hobo would be tough to deal with. And that's all that this is about - dealing with it. It's times when things feel so wrong and different that you truly feel alive, because you are out of your comfort zone and experiencing change. I need to feel alive, so don't be alarmed if I start to do some crazy shit in the near future.

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So stay tuned to this blog for updates, as I'm sure eventually (and hopefully) I'll start getting the hunger so bad that I will want to start eating my office supplies. I no doubt will puss out long before that happens, but we'll see I guess. Maybe for the first time in my life I will commit to something and make a real change. Hey, it could happen... I just want to warn you not to try this at home. I am not a professional, nor am I being monitored by professionals, but I'm pretty sure that my body can handle this. And unless you are morbidly obese like me, don't do anything that could cause harm to your body. And don't use the phrase morbidly obese - that makes it sound like I am hanging out on death's doorstop waiting for him to let me in. I have no idea how long I will stick this one out, but it's sure to provide some much needed content to this blog. Plus maybe this little stunt will draw in more viewers to this blog. Hell, it usually works for that idiot David Blaine. But I shouldn't need stunts to get people to notice me, but I do need to alter my appearance and my attitude. Maybe this will help. I'll see you in a few with an update...

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- pookon -
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http://www.pookon.com/

email : pookondotcom@gmail.com