Hart Attack : Meet the $4.8 Million Dolar Man

Somewhere Corey Hart is leaping for joy. Somehow Hart and his agent were able to convince the panel of judges that he was worth $4.8 million dollars for next season. I am demanding a transcript from that hearing because I need to know what were the deciding factors that bumped his pay raise from the $4.15 million the Brewers were offering versus the $4.8 million he was demanding. I've already laid out all of the numbers in a previous post and stated my claims, but there has to be some kind of information that I overlooked that shows why he derserved such a big raise in salary. My theory is that they looked at comparable players of his service time and stats and made the ruling based on that. I don't have any of that at my disposal, but I'm guessing that information will surely be presented by Tom Haudricourt or Adam McCalvy later on today. I don't have the time to write up an article right now about how angry I am about this, but be sure that I will rant like a pissed off teenager as soon as I get home from work this afternoon. The only thing I have to say right now (because I don't want to get too upset before work because work makes me mad enough) is that he better keep his God damn mouth shut this year and not complain about shit. He's making damn near $5 million dollars and he sure as hell better play like he is. I don't want to see him striking out on 3 straight pitches, playing shoddy defense and carrying a batting average of .260. I'm definitly ready to eat my words as soon as the real Corey Hart shows up to the 2010 season. I've said all along that I am a fan of his and want him to do well, but now he has run out of excuses. Prince Fielder was upset about his contract situation in the 2008 season, but he went out and played hard anyway. This resulted in a two year $18 million dollar contract, and with his finances secure, Fielder went out and had one of the greatest offensive seasons in Brewers history. Now there is no way I can compare Hart to Fielder because they are different players, but I'm hoping that Hart can also put the past behind him and play with the satisfaction that his family is taken care of and all he has to do is worry about baseball.

Stay tuned to The Journal Sentinel Brewers Blog and Tom Haudricourt's Twitter page for updates throughout the day. And make sure you check back here for my response later this evening. I don't know if it will be as angry as the Corey Hart is a Bitch article (cause I probably won't be as drunk when I write this one) because I have to admit defeat. I still believe that I am right, but in this case my opinion doesn't matter. I'm going to have to go ahead and live with the fact that Corey Hart found a way to dupe the arbitration panel into believing that he was as good as he thinks he is. And more power to him I guess. If he's able to spin his terrible performance in the last year and a half into a positive, then he should be able to do an 180 on the field as well, right? He sure as shit better do it, or else this blog will be filled with Corey Hart stories for the entire summer as I constantly rain down the criticism on him for the remainder of the season. Time to go cool down and let this news sink in. More to come later. I guess I just have to live in a world where we celebrate failure and mediocrity with praise and pay increases. God help us all.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Today is Judgment day for Corey Hart

Sometime later today, Corey Hart himself will walk into the belly of the beast and attend his arbitration hearing. I can't believe that he wants to be there while the team rips him apart, but to each their own. At the very least, he will get a $900,000 raise and know every single tiny area that he needs to improve on to have a better year. And at the best he makes like $1.55 million more than last year and gets to do a little dance and shove it in Gord Ash's face that his value is as high as he thought it was. Either way he'll probably be grinning like an idiot. I just hope that I am right so that I can remove the bag from his head on my calendar so that for the remaining 17 days in February, he has to stare into my eyes and face the fact that I was right. I still have a very strong feeling that the arbitration panel will side with the Brewers, mostly because comparable players on the free agent market are making far less than $4.8 million on a 1 year deal. That shouldn't really factor into their decision, because they really are supposed to be comparing him against other players with similar experience and playing time, but you know that thought is gonna creep up in there. Whether or not he wins or loses his arbitration hearing, I will still cheer for him to do well, but I would rather do so with the satisfaction of knowing that I was right. Call it selfishness or a man's refusal to admit their mistakes, but everyone always thinks they are right and do not like to admit when they are not. I'm stubborn enough to stick to my guns, and shall Corey Hart prevail, I will probably still say that he isn't deserving and that he is overpaid. But I guess that we have to wait until tomorrow (Friday) to hear the arbitration panel's final decision.

Word may leak out today (Thursday) so stay tuned to the following sources for all of your Brewers updates : The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Brewers Blog - Tom Haudricourt does an excellent job of getting you all the Brewers news in a timely matter. Once he knows it, you'll know it. I also suggest that you check out his Twitter page, since he usually post a short blurb on there before he takes the time to type out an article. That is the quickest way to stay up to the minute on all things Brewers. While I'm on the subject of Twitter, make sure you also check out Adam McCalvy's Twitter page. He's the "official" beat writer of the Milwaukee Brewers, as he posts the majority of the articles on Brewers.com. Once he says it, it is no longer speculation, it is indeed fact. Those are a few ways to keep on top of this whole situation, and I'll be back on here some time tomorrow night to once again run my mouth and offer my opinion.

So even though this case has cast a shadow on an otherwise great offseason, at least we're talking Brewers baseball. And in the cold and snow filled Wisconsin winter, there's no better thing to talk about. Not even the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, the Sports Illustrated football flip phone or the History of the Stanley Cup : 100 Years of Glory could get me this excited for March (and more importantly April) to hurry up and get here already so I can have 8 baseball filled months of happiness. It's unfortunate that Doug Melvin has to go to his 1st arbitration hearing as GM of the Brewers and that Corey Hart and his agent couldn't settle, but that's the business of baseball. And let's just hope and pray that the outcome doesn't affect his play on the field, because like I've pointed out in the past, some of our success this year does hinge on #1 playing like he is the one who is #1 on the field and #1 in our Harts.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

No Love in February for Corey Hart

Days after I wrote the Corey Hart is a Bitch entry, I attended the Brewers On-Deck event at the Midwest Airlines Center in downtown Milwaukee on January 31st. And do you know who I saw when I first entered the convention floor? None other than Corey Hart; my arch nemesis. There was an area set up where players posed for pictures with the fans, and Corey was standing there looking all tall and goofy. I waited in the line for a few minutes, then stepped up and got this picture taken with him. Little did he know that days before I had called him a bitch and blasted his antics all over the internet, and the article has been seen by hundreds. He also didn’t know that as I stood next to him, I made this angry face. My cousin Kevin was next in line for a picture, by he declined to pose next to him. When the worker asked him to step up (trying to keep the line moving as fast as possible) he said, “Nah, I’d rather not” then walked away. Corey didn’t hear this, but I did. And I loved it. While I was in line, I tried to work up the courage to small talk with Corey, something along the lines of, “Hey Corey (shakes his hand) it’s so nice to meet you. Thanks for coming out today, and best of luck this season.” Corey then would say some kind of half-assed awkward thank you, then I would pat him on the back, lean in close and whisper, “Oh yeah, and you’re a bitch.” Then I would walk away with my head held high. I didn’t do what I had promised to do, mostly because I am a Brewers fan above all other things. As much as Corey Hart is upsetting me at this moment, he still is a player on my team and I need him to do well in order for the Brewers to have a shot this year.

I think there’s been a little confusion over my purpose of that article. I know it is titled Corey Hart is a Bitch and I said in all caps FUCK COREY HART, but in reality there’s probably no one in this city who wants Corey Hart to rebound and have a career year more than I do. Our pitching is going to be average at best, so in order to return to the playoffs we need the offense to knock the cover off of the ball like gangbusters and consistently put up 5+ runs a night. Our top 5 lineup rivals any team in baseball in my opinion, with Rickie Weeks leading off, Corey Hart batting 2nd, Ryan Braun hitting 3rd, Prince Fielder cleaning up and Casey McGehee batting 5th. 6-9 are a little suspect, with youngsters like Carlos Gomez and Alcides Escobar, old guys like Greg Zaun and the pitcher’s spot filling out the bottom of the order. Corey Hart is crucial to this lineup, and ideally I’d bat him 2nd if I was Ken Macha in order to give him the biggest shot at success. Corey Hart is not a .260 hitter, there is no way he should ever hit less than 20 home runs and have fewer than 75 RBIs. He’s too good to suck. He just needs to swing at the right pitches, use his speed as a weapon and keep his own style of hitting. I know he was criticized by the coaches for not taking a lot of walks (36 in 2007 and 27 in 2008) so in 2009 he tried to be more patient at the plate (from the suggestion of the coaches) and it forked (43 walks in a shortened season). While his walk totals went up, everything else decreased because he was watching too many pitches and swinging at the bad ones. His strike out totals increased because the opposing pitchers made adjustments knowing that he was trying to be more patient at the plate. If only Corey would have also made the adjustments mid-season, maybe I wouldn’t be calling him a bitch this year. Corey has publicly voiced his opinions over his displeasure with the coaching staff altering his approach, and although I don’t usually agree with players doing that, in the end the players are the ones standing up at the plate with the bat in their hands. And they are the ones that have to control their ability to get on base and be productive. So if something doesn’t work and doesn’t feel right for Corey, he needs to go ahead and do what does feel right. And I’m all for that. Look at Ryan Braun. He doesn't take a lot of walks (57 in 2009), but last year he had an on base percentage of .386 thanks to 203 hits on the year with a .320 batting average. Compare that to Prince Fielder, who had more walks (a franchise high 110 in 2009) with a .299 average and 177 hits, resulting in a monstrous .412 on base percentage. As you can see, there are other ways than patience at the plate to be productive and help out your team. Corey Hart had 109 hits with a .339 on base percentage. Pales in comparison to the big bioys on the team, don't it? That's why the 2007 version of Corey Hart showing up in 2009 would be an amazing boost for the Brewers, and behind Rickie Weeks (who I believe is the key and the catalyst to the Brewers offense) is the second most important piece of the offense puzzle.

So why did I say Corey Hart is a Bitch? I don’t know, probably because I was hammered drunk the night I wrote that article. I was puking for 3 hours the next morning, and even threw up at the bus stop outside of Bayshore Mall. Yikes. And although the truth often does come out when you are wasted, I really do like Corey Hart. When I get drunk I like to fight people, but I don’t fight with my fists, I fight with my words. And that night I went on a giant rant that is my sometimes outlandish variation on Corey Hart’s situation. I’m not going to apologize for writing the article, because it is the way that I feel about the situation. But I don’t want people coming out and blasting me for not being a Brewers fan just because I am upset with a player’s performance. If you know me, I’m the biggest fan, and I have the hardware (2 Brewers tattoos and over 30 jerseys) to prove it. Add that to the fact that I watch/listen to every game and I have worked over 50 games a year at Miller Park for the last 9 years, so I know what I’m talking about. I don’t think I should have to boast about my devotion to the team in order to prove my point, but it does help if I throw it out there. Let’s just say that if you plan to discuss/debate Brewers with me, you better do your homework and be prepared to talk for hours at a time.

But I have a feeling that February will not be Corey Hart’s month. After getting lambasted on opinionated fan’s blogs (like this one), publicly criticized on sports talk radio and bashed by the fans, he has to go up against the arbitration panel later this month. And I have the feeling that given his performance over the past 2 seasons, the arbitration panel will side with the team and not with Corey Hart. I hope that he sends his agent and doesn’t show up in person, because that would be one of the hardest things to sit through. Basically the team presents a presentation on why you suck and why you don’t deserve a hefty raise, then they present evidence to support their claims. It’s not quite as serious as appearing in court on a murder charge, but it is awfully similar. The team is trying to make you look bad in every way, shape and form in order to prove their point, and you to sit there and hear what they really think about you. That’s got to be really damaging to your self-esteem. I know that I would not be able to handle that kind of raw criticism. Then after they blast you for however long it takes, you have to present information on why they are wrong and talk yourself up to prove you deserve more money than they are offering. I’m sure that everyone has been in a situation when they have had to defend themselves against critics, and it’s not that easy to do, nor is it enjoyable. Do too much and it sounds like you are bragging and you have a giant ego. Do too little and it sounds like you are unsure of yourself and lack confidence in your abilities. I do like Corey Hart’s attitude going into this though, because he has publicly stated that whatever the team says it’s their opinion, and that he won’t let it bother him because it really is just a business. And the team has to sometimes separate business and personal feelings. For a smaller market team like the Brewers, a million dollars is a lot of money. They have to do the best with the limited resources they have in order to be competitive. And he knows that no matter whose side the arbitration panel chooses, he will still receive more money than he did last year. That is a positive outlook on the situation because no matter what, he will come out ahead. And Corey has also stated in the past that he is out to prove the doubters wrong. And I’m all for that. Whatever it is that gives him the competitive drive to be better and try harder, I say go for it. I have no problem capitulating to Corey when he gives me a big fat “I told you so” middle finger at the end of the year when his stats prove that he was indeed worth $4.8 million dollars. Because the better that he does, the better the team does. And in the end, it’s not the performance of an individual player that matters (just look at Fielder’s MVP worthy year that went for naught as we missed the playoffs), it is how the team as a whole finishes.

Even though I will still cheer for him to have a better season than last year, I still have a feeling that February just isn’t going to be Corey’s month. I have a Brewers calendar at my desk at work, and ironically February features Corey Hart. And while I am venting about Corey Hart and going off on wild rants, I have to look him in the eyes for the 8 hours a day I sit at my desk. So that is why I put a paper bag over his head. It does 2 things for me – makes it so I don’t have to look at him and so that he can hide his shame behind that bag. It’s kind of humorous if you ask me, and I wonder if any of my co-workers will feel the same way. Most of the people at work (with the exception of a select few like Mike Wilhelm) just kind of agree with me because I am seen as the Brewers expert in the office. That or they just agree with me because they don’t care and don’t feel like hearing me go off all day whenever something (cough… Jeff Suppan…cough) bugs me. That’s why I listen to Steve “Sparky” Fifer on AM1250 WSSP. If there is anyone who is more critical and passionate about the Brewers (and so badly wants them to succeed and win a World Series) more than I do, it’s him. So don’t misconstrue these rants as hatred, it’s frustration more than anything else. I was 1 year old in 1982, floating as high as the clouds in 2008 and don’t want to be dead the next time the Brewers reach the postseason. I take this shit a little too seriously, and get so emotionally involved with the Brewers that sometimes something like Corey Hart’s situation pushes me over the edge and cause me to erupt. And whether or not you agree with me, at least you should be able to laugh at the picture of Corey Hart with a bag over his head. That shit is classic. As classic as the whoopee cushion or Uncle Mike’s knee slappers.

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/

email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Corey Hart is a Bitch

Let me start out by saying that I've always liked Corey Hart. Alcohol has made me forget a lot of things, but I'm 99% sure that I'm right on this one. Corey Hart's first at bat with the Milwaukee Brewers happened late in the 2004 season. He came in as pinch hitter, and hit a foul ball that clanked off of the .300 Club (now the Metavante Club) in the 3rd deck. It was just barely foul, and would have been a booming home run if he could have kept it fair. He ended up striking out, but got a standing ovation from the crowd in his only at bat of that year. At that point, the fans were so excited about these youngsters who were on the verge of taking over this team. In 2005 he only played in 21 games and hit .193. In 2006 he was splitting time in right field with Geoff Jenkins, and he only played in 87 games but hit .283 with 9 HRs and 33 RBI. 2007 was his breakout season, and as the everyday right fielder he played in 140 games and hit .295 with 24 HRs, 81 RBIs and 24 stolen bases. He also played some good defense and had only 3 errors. He was also clocked as the fastest Brewers player in Spring Training, and I wore my sunglasses at night, screamed out "I Hart you Corey" from the right field bleachers and I often would say that Corey Hart ran like a gazelle. That is a compliment, as gazelles are some of the most graceful and fastest creatures on the planet. In 2008, he had a terrific first half on the season, and he was a candidate for the 2008 All-Star Game Final Vote, which he would end up winning. I was extremely supportive of him, and even installed a widget on this blog so that people could come here to cast their vote. I remember yelling out, "#1 on the field, #1 in your Harts!!" at the game, which became one of my signature cheers. I own a Corey Hart jersey, and counted myself as one of his biggest supporters. Then why would I say that he is a bitch? If you remember the 2nd half of the 2008 season onward, then you need not ask. But read on anyway.

Corey Hart completely fell apart after the All-Star break. I don't have the split stats to back it up, but in 2008 in 157 games he finished with a line of .268, 21 HRs, 91 RBIs and 23 stolen bases. You're probably saying that's not that bad, right? Consider that he had 109 strike outs and an on base percentage of .300, and you start to scrap the surface of how bad he really was. Anyone who watched the Brewers in 2008 saw that Corey Hart put up one of the biggest piece of shit half seasons the MLB has ever seen. I remember in the final game of the 2008 season, when the Brewers were at home against the Cubs and needed a win to advance to the playoffs. It was in the 7th inning, Ray Durham led off with a double, then Ryan Braun grounded out to 3rd, with Durham advancing to 3rd on the play. Prince Fielder was intentionally walked, then JJ Hardy walked on 4 straight pitches. Corey Hart stepped up to the plate in a career defining at bat; one that would cement his place in Brewers lore as they were trailing 1-0 at the time. Remember that Sean Marshall of the Cubs just threw 8 straight balls (4 intentional to Prince Fielder and 4 non intentional to JJ Hardy)? COREY HART SWUNG AT AND MISSED 3 STRAIGHT SLIDERS LOW AND AWAY AND STRUCK OUT SWINGING WITH THE BASES LOADED IN ONE OF THE WORST AT BATS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. I have never been more upset in my entire life at someone who wasn't a murderer or a child rapist. I don't like to boo my own players, but on that day I booed the shit out of Corey Hart as he walked back to the dugout. If it wasn't for Craig "Clutch" Counsell (C3) who drew a walk tying the game at 1, Corey Hart may have been blamed for the loss. As everyone knows, with the game tied at 1-1, Ryan Braun hit a home run in the 8th inning that still gives me chills, and thanks to CC Sabathia's complete game, the Brewers won the Wild Card and made the playoffs for the first time in 26 years. The rest is history.

But why is Corey Hart a bitch you ask? Aside from his poor play in the 2nd half of 2008, his 2009 season was far worse. He played in only 115 games and had a batting average of .260, with 12 home runs and 48 RBIs. Naysayers will point out that he missed nearly 1 1/2 months due to emergency appendectomy surgery in August, which came at a time when he was just heating up at the plate. That's no excuse, as he already was having a dismal season where he couldn't do anything right. He ended up finishing the 2009 season with an on base percentage of .335, which was better than last year, but not nearly good enough for someone of his speed and baserunning skills. So all of that is in the past, but when thing has to be mentioned before I go into my rant about how I no longer "Hart" Corey. If you don't understand the arbitration process, let me breka it down for you right quick. A team owns the rights to a player for something like 6 years once they get to the majors, and for the first 2 or 3 years they are in the majors, the team controls their salary and they most likely make the major league minimum. After that, the player is allowed to file for an amount they feel that they are worth, and the team counters with the amount that they think that player is worth. In an ideal situation, both sides meet at the midpoint of the 2 figures, and that results in the players salary for that year. If they cannot compromise, it goes before an arbitration panel of 3 judges who decide on one or the other, and that is the amount that that player makes in a year. I know this is boring an technical stuff, but so is a lot of things in baseball. In 2008 Corey Hart filed for a salary of $3.8 million in his 1st year of arbitration, while the Brewers offered $2.7 million. On the night before going before the panel of arbitration judges, they settled on salary of $3.25 million. Corey Hart goes on to have a disappointing 2009 season, as I have previously pointed out.

Fast forward to 2010. Thank you for bearing with me, as I found it necessary to present the evidence before I make my claim that Corey Hart is a bitch. I already presented Hart's 2009 statistics (.260, 12 HR, 48 RBI, .335 OBP), and for the 2010 season he filed for a salary of $4.8 million, a RAISE of $1 million from the previous year in which he sucked balls at the plate and missed time due to injury. Think about it for a second. If you missed time at work, sucked at your job then asked your boss for A MILLION DOLLAR RAISE at your job, how do you think your boss would react?!? They would probably show you the door and hire someone who was younger, cheaper and could do a more efficient job than you could. Corey Hart is a mother fucker for thinking that he deserves more money after a season in which he let down over 3 million fans who came to see him play at Miller Park. Some people might blame the system and the fact that MLB does not have a salary cap, which leads to some players making ridiculous amounts of money. I blame the players, because they are simply abusing and taking advantage of the system in place that governs the salaries of the players. But then I must also blame the system too. I don't want to go into that today, but without a salary cap, teams like the Milwaukee Brewers will never be able to win a World Series if teams like the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox and Philadelphia Phillies can spend as much money as the want to buy a championship. So where was I? Oh yeah, Corey Hart is a bitch if he thinks that he is worth $4.8 million dollars. If you ask me, I don't think that he is worth $4.80. I'd rather have Frank "The Tank" Cattalonatto in right field, if nothing more than to hear The Outfield's "Your Love" every time that he steps up to the plate. I used to "Hart" Corey, but now I find myself feeling deep hate and disdain for him. I can't believe that he is asking for more money after the horrendous season that he had. Doug Melvin has a clean track record of settling with players on a salary for the upcoming season, and has yet to go before the arbitration panel. Corey Hart may change that in 2010, because he's being a stubborn bitch who thinks that he is better than he actually is. I know that he has a family small children, and is trying to make enough for his future, but what can you buy for $4.8 million that you can't buy for $4.15 million (which is the amount that the Brewers have offered him for 2010)? I only make $28,000 a year, which seems like a lot to you kids (Brian, Stacy and Kevin) but it is pocket change compared to Hart's $4+ million he will make this year. And to be quite honest with you, he doesn't deserve that. Not at all. Given his decline in the last few years, I wish we could give him less money, but unfortunately the arbitration process doesn't work that way. So he will end up making a ton of money, and unless he hopefully rebounds in 2010, he will enrage the fans once again. Corey Hart is no stranger to enraging the fans. In September of 2008 the Brewers had just completed a 3-7 homestand and were slipping from the Wildcard lead. Corey Hart's poor play in the second half helped contribute to this, and the fans would often boo him when he showed a complete lack of discipline at the plate. The Brewers were going on the road to play Philadelphia and he had this to say about the people who pay his salary. "Actually, it felt more like a home game than playing in Miller Park," said Hart, who has no home runs and two RBI this month. "We didn't hear the boos that we sometimes hear at home. That's the way it goes. Everybody's expecting (the team) to win. I guess they have a reason to be frustrated because we haven't been winning. "It's not a lack of hustle or effort. A guy makes an error, a guy strikes out and you hear your home town booing you. It makes you ready to get out of there and go somewhere else for awhile. I think we're all looser here." So Hart would rather be somewhere else than Miller Park. So go there. What's stopping you ya bum? He's been the fodder of trade rumors for some time now, and the only reason that we haven't traded him is that there is no viable younger and less expensive talent in the minors to replace him. Or at least none of those outfielders are major league ready yet. But as soon as they are I want Corey Hart out of town and headed to the next place that wants to deal with his shit.

Wow. Can't believe that I ranted that long on Corey Hart. That just goes to show you how passionate I am about my team. I know I wanted to say it for a long time, but FUCK COREY HART. There. It has been said now. I haven't been this upset since 4th and 26. And there's not many times that I hate a player on my team as much as I hate a player on the Chicago Cubs. Corey might as well put on the traitor jersey and play on the North side, and catch fly balls up against the gay shrubbery on the brick walls. Fuck Corey Hart and fuck him for thinking that he is worth a God Damn cent. He is being a bitch right now and I will no longer support him unless he proves that he has learned plate discipline and takes a fucking walk when the pitcher pitches him low and outside. I've backed Corey Hart since Day 1, and will continue to do so if he proves to me that he was who I thought he was. And if he isn't, then I will stop at nothing to get someone to play right field who can live up to the hype. It's starting to look like Doug Melvin will have to go to his 1st arbitration hearing as GM of the Brewers because Corey Hart fails to realize how much of a bitch he really is. His unwillingness to see how much he sucked and compromise at a fair salary of $4.4 million is upsetting. I'm tired of his bitchy antics and will focus my attention elsewhere. Even though it is the offseason, I got Brewers on the brain. Not a day goes by that I'm not thinking about my team, and if you ever want to have an educational discussion about the Boys in Blue, let me know. But just makes sure that you bring the knowledge if you want to discuss the Crew, because I've had enough of the uninformed fuckers who call into AM 1250 WSSP. No one (besides Tim and Sparky) have any idea what they are talking about. You know how to reach me; rant over. Let's go Brewers, and keep on Turnin' Up the Heat!

- pookon -

http://www.pookon.com/
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Onions make Hotdogs tasty

(from the Lost Archives - date unknown, probably spring 2009)


(from the Current Archives - Wednesday, November 18, 2009)

As you can see from the entry of the Lost Archives, there is nothing there. This must have been one of those ideas that I came up with and never expounded on it. I was probably drunk one night, and in my inebriated state, ate some hot dogs with onions and came up with this genius observation. But let's break this thing down a little bit. First off, hot dogs are already tasty. I know that might change depending on who you talk to, but I think that the majority if Americans would answer yes to the question, "Are hotdogs tasty?" So already the dog alone makes it tasty. Then you add a bun into the mix. To be honest with you, I don't think this changes anything. Unless you have flavored bread or one with some awesome seasoning, bread just tastes like nothing. I figure the hotdog bun to just be a container in which to hold all the awesomeness, which we will get into in a moment. For me, a hotdog needs to have ketchup. That is the bare minimum amount of condiments that I must put on my dog before consuming it. Of course I like to have more, because who doesn't? If someone were to give you the choice between having 1 (for the sake of argument, we'll use widgets) widget or having 5 widgets, you'd choose 5 widgets, right? No? Oh yeah, you'd probably not put widgets on your hotdog because widgets are an economic term used to describe an unnamed or hypothetical manufactured article. A widget is also a small mechanical device, as a knob or switch, especially one whose name is not known or cannot be recalled; a gadget. What kind of savage psycho puts that shit on a hotdog?

I'll tell you in my ideal world what I would put on my hotdog - everything in the picture to the left. But I wouldn't call it a Chicago Dog for 2 reasons - I hate Chicago and because I improve upon this design. I add ketchup and sauerkraut to make it a true Milwaukee Dog. If I wanted to be quite honest with you, then I would say that I stole the idea from Mad Dog Jake's up in Boulder Junction and that it is actually called a Mad Dog. I've been going to Boulder Junction (a small town even further North and West than Eagle River) since I was a little kid. When I joined Boy Scouts, I was excited to find out that our week long Summer Camp was at nearby Jag Lake. And I also heard that at some point doing the week we'd take the 5 mile hike into Boulder Junction. That probably doesn't seen very exciting to you, but unless you are one of the adults at summer camp, you aren't allowed to have soda or candy at camp. While this seems trivial now, think about how horrifying that is as a kid or a teenager. When we went into Boulder Junction, we could gorge ourselves silly, as long as we were able to make the walk back. So it became a challenge of finding that fine line between being extremely satisfied and being overly stuffed. I always made sure to stop at Mad Dog Jake's with Mike Bates and grab a Mad Dog and some ice cream. And although I haven't been back there since (something like 10 years now) it will always be the best hot dog I've ever had in my entire life. And also one of my best memories of all time.

(from the even more Current Archives 1/21/2010)

I don't know what makes up a hotdog. I could Google it and see some sick shit, but for once (if anyone follows my blog or website) I'm refraining from looking up information because I don't want to know it instead of my usual not doing it because I am lazy. I love hotdogs so much that I straight up refuse to compromise my love for them. Two of my favorite meals involve hotdogs - SuperMac (which is macaroni and cheese with hotdogs and extra cheeses) and Ghettio (spaghettios with hotdogs). And then of course is the tie between hotdogs and sporting events, mainly baseball. I love grilling out and tailgaiting, and hotdogs make me think of summer. If you live in Wisconsin or have ever visited here, you know how much we look forward to our summers because winter sucks balls. So I'm going to go on the record by saying that I love hotdogs, onions do make them tasty and this summer I will go back to Boulder Junction for a Mad Dog at Mad Dog Jake's. Fire up the grill, open up a cold one, grab out the condiments and eat the shit out of a hotdog. Trust me, it will remind you of the better days to come and help get you through the cold winter. Stay warm my friends.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast - Episode 8: WSoBP V Wrap-Up

One of my main goals at the WSoBP was to get the guys together and recap each days events. But since we all did so poorly each day, I had to wait for the right moment to approach them about joining me for a taping of the Pookcast. That moment occurred the morning after Day 3 of the tournament, when we goofed around Vegas-style instead of playing beer pong. To be quite honest with you, I'm sure that all of us would've traded in our day of fun for a playoff berth and a shot at $50,000. But we did have tons of fun, and it was the only reason why I enjoyed my time out in Las Vegas. We sat down and goofed around, and I had to split the video into 3 parts because it was so long. We could talk for hours about our beer pong adventures, but hopefully this video gives you a taste of what it is like to be out there with us. If we decide to go back for WSoBP VI (the jury is still out on that one, and it will be for quite a while) we hope that you will join us and finally get to experience this beer pong event for yourself. Enjoy the Pookcast, and once again thank you for checking out all of the sites in the Pookon Empire. Your faithfulness will not go unrewarded. As soon as I can figure out how to reward you that is. Later dudes!

Part 1



Part 2



Part 3




- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5 : Brief Wrap-up

I'm at the airport right now, and my flight back to Wisconsin boards in about a half hour. I'm tired beyond belief, and my tummy is still doing flips after eating a double In-N-Out Burger with Animal Fries this morning. There's so much that I would like to write about, but the majority of it was touched upon in an episode of the Pookcast that I filmed with Kanz, Brodey and Casey this morning. I will post that either tonight or sometime tomorrow, so I don't want to spoil the details of that before it is available here on this blog. After I post it, I will write something up in case I missed some details. And of course, pictures and captions will eventually be posted on pookon.com once I finish Afterglow 2009 and all of the other pictures from last year that I didn't get around to completing yet. So stay tuned for that shit.

The main reason that I wanted to post something on here was just to tell everyone that I am still alive and made it through another year in Las Vegas. Just barely though. I'm coming home without a lot of money, and will have to spend money once I get home to fix things I broke while I was out here. And I sucked balls at beer pong, so it will take a lot of reflection and convincing myself that I had a good time out here and that I should go back next year. There's not much more that I can do at this time, as I am starting to fall asleep at the airport bar. I guarantee that I will pass out on the airplane back home, and once I get home I'll probably crash hard. The good news is that I don't have to work tomorrow, so after sleeping this weekend off, I will have some time to post things if I feel like it. Can't promise anything. I'm just lucky to be alive still.

So that does it for now. Be back with more later if I successfully wake up tomorrow morning. As my cousin Tommy says, "I hope so." I hope so too Tommy. I hope so too.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5 - Day 2

It's about 4am on Monday January 4th. Day 2 of WSoBP 5 ended about 9 hours ago or something. Sorry for the delay in getting something on here, but if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, then you already know that Day 2 (and this year's WSoBP in general) has not been very kind to me. Call it lack of practice, lack of focus and energy, increased competition or whatever other excuses I can pull out to blame for our performance, but we didn't do well. At all. There was not even one game that stands out where I could honestly say that we played up to our capacity and dominated someone. It looks like we finished 288 out of 468 teams, by far my worst showing ever. 5-7 with a -5 cup differential. The most we ever won by was 4 cups, and the most we lost by was 6 cups. And it's not like our opponents did that well either (although 6 of the 12 teams we faced did make Day 3) since most of the games were pretty close. So that's the day in a nutshell. If I want to be depressing about it I can keep going on with statistics and sad stories. But I'll spare us both and try to pick out a few good things that happened today.

Brodey and Casey were scheduled to play one of the hired girls teams (X-Burlesque One, from the show in the Flamingo) on the featured table, but the chicks didn't show up. They got the win, and Kanz and I played them in a game we dubbed the Milwaukee Classic. In the end, Kanz and I ended up winning, but it wasn't about the end result. This was just an old school game of Milwaukee Beer Pong between old friends, and it couldn't have been anymore fun. We busted out old shots like Salmon-style goofy shots including the Zeus, fade away jumpers and no look quick shots. This match certainly wiped the bad taste out my mouth from all the losing. If only the other games could have been like this, then this trip would have been so much more fun. I guess that's why we play beer pong back home, so that the games can be just about a bunch of friends having fun instead of intense competition with strangers trying to win prize money. Then during his last match of the day, I coerced Brodey into taking his pants off. I know that that sounds pretty gay, but for those of you who haven't been around Milwaukee Beer Pong, somewhere during any beer pong event, Brodey and Balkman eventually play a game in their boxers. Brodey is a ridiculously skinny guy, so seeing him without baggy clothes is a little jarring. But it is also hilarious at the same time. The distraction worked really well, but as Brodey put it, Milwaukee brought plenty of defense but not enough offense to WSoBP 5.

So that's a little of how today played out. I plan on filming an episode of the Pookcast tomorrow morning when Kanzy-pants wakes up. I want to get him on there and talk beer pong. And hopefully tomorrow we will focus more on the positives instead of the negatives as we do a retrospective of our careers rather than a WSoBP wrap-up that includes our failures. Maybe I'll be able to get Casey and Brodey too, so you'll have a true insight into our storied beer pong history. Whatever the case may be, I want to thank you once again for taking the time to check out this site. Sorry that I don't have a lot of good news for ya, but that's the way it goes sometimes I guess. Take care of yourselves, have a nice day, and continue to check back for more updates. Even though I won't be playing in Day 3, I'm still in Vegas. Which means that there will be no shortage of situations and drama that I can and will get myself involved in. Later dudes.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast - Episode 7: World Series of Beer Pong Day 1

I went back to my room after the events of Day 1 played itself out, and had a little time to reflect on the fact that N-Ice Kanz finished at 3-3. It's not great, but it's ok. If we make a run tomorrow we still can make the playoffs on Day 3. But we need to at least go 5-1 with a high cup margin or go 6-0 to guarantee a spot in the final bracket. So things are looking OK but not great. I vented a little and let my sillies out during this Pookcast, although you might think that I was too serious about the game of beer pong. Like it or not, beer pong is a sport and not just a recreational activity. Or at least for aging veterans like me. I've been there since the birth of the sport, and until now I've watched my baby develop into the behemoth it has become. This year may be my last, but if I get the feeling next year I may be back. That's the beauty of this game; you may give up on beer pong but beer pong will never give up on you. So I'll keep playing until I lose the love for the game. That has yet to happen, so stick with me for a few more games while I figure this shit out. Once again, thanks for visiting Pookon's Ill Blog, Pookon.com and all of the other sites in the Pookon Empire. Take care of yourself my friend.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookon.com@gmail.com

World Series of Beer Pong 5

So I’ve been up since about 5:30 am, since my flight was at 7:15am this morning. I was up until about 3:30am watching Full House and drinking, well knowing that I had to be up early for my flight. I wanted to bed because I wanted to be well rested for the 5^th World Series of Beer Pong, but I’d much rather laugh along with the laugh track when Uncle Jessie says, “Have mercy.”, Stephanie says, “How rude.” and Michelle says, “You got it dude!” Apparently watching a show that I grew up with that I have seen a million times was more important than sleep. If I had to do it all over again, I’d totally stay up idolizing Uncle Joey’s sweet ass mullet. I’m pretty sure that I slept on the plane, but you might want to ask the 2 hot 21 year olds that sat next to me. They probably noticed that I was sleeping instead of listening to them gush about this being their first time to Las Vegas and that they were going to put all their pictures up on MySpace. Who the hell uses that site anymore anyway? Well, except for the Back Alley Burners. We need that shit to promote out burn worthy material. But these chicks should have been hopping on the Facebook train by now. Even church ladies rock the Facebook for their social bible reading connections. Fucking kids have to get with the now.

When I landed in Vegas, it was something like 9am, and I had so much time and so little to do. I started out by getting a free lift to the Flamingo, courtesy of the Mark Travel Corporation (my employer) who owns Showtime Tours, who do all sorts of shit in Vegas including roundtrip airport transfers. I couldn’t check into the hotel yet, so I hung out with Billy, Duncan, Skinny and the rest of the Bpong Staff while they set shit up. Sooner rather than later, my stomach was grumbling for food and my head was aching for some booze to get me in the Vegas mindset. I met up with some friends at O’Shea’s (a small Irish casino next to the Flamingo that has beer pong going 24/7) but didn’t really feel like playing beer pong. I think that’s the feeling of this trip so far – I love being out here and seeing these people, but I don’t really care to play. Hopefully that will change tomorrow when the tournament starts or else I’m in trouble. But I have a feeling that once I step up to the table in a competitive atmosphere, I will kick it into high gear and win some games. I figure we need a 9-3 record to guarantee a playoff spot, since obviously last year’s 8-4 record isn’t good enough to make the playoffs. More on that tomorrow though when the tournament starts going.

So I decided to walk around and check some shit, mainly the newest addition to Las Vegas – the City Center by MGM. This site has been under construction for the last few years, and now it is finally close to being finished. I wanted to see it because at my job we build hotel packages, and we had to create and maintain new codes and profiles for the two new properties Aria and Vdara. I thought that they were done really well, and that the architecture was fantastic. It is mostly done with glass windows, and resembles something that you would see in downtown Chicago or New York City, and not side by side next to themed hotels like New York New York and the Bellagio. My favorite part is how everything was colored in Earthy tones, which made the inside feel like a rainforest. There was a waterfall outside lightly cascading down a rock face, which made it sound like wind blowing through the rainforest. Not that I would know what that would sound like though. My white ass has never been to the jungles of the Congo. I didn’t hang out with gorillas and shoot at them with diamond powered lasers. I ended up winning some money there ($80 at one time, most of which I sadly put back into the machine) then went to the Walgreens to buy cigars and energy drinks to make Shrek’s Piss tomorrow morning. I stopped to buy a 40 of Mickey’s, and proceeded to drink that while watching the Bellagio fountains. Then I did some gambling at Wild Bill’s Saloon and Casino, lost some money, but got some “free drinks” out of it. So now Joey Kanz is here and we are in the hotel room. We are about to check in for the WSoBP tournament then grab a bite to eat at the greatest restaurant in the world – In-N-Out Burger. We also plan on hitting up Main Street Station’s microbrewery tonight, and for at least a little well, despite the reason we are out here, beer pong will be the last thing on my mind. I’m here to have fun, and I can’t really have fun if I’m stressed out about this shit. So tomorrow morning I will wake up and start drinking, then see where all this takes me. I don’t really have a good internet connection, so the best way to follow the happenings of the tournament is to check out my twitter page at www.twitter.com/pookondotcom. They are all shorts blobs of shit, but I try to be informative and funny in 140 characters, so it’s worth checking out.

Maybe I’ll try to type some more later, but chances are you won’t hear from me until tomorrow. And that is a good thing, because that means that I was having too much fun tonight to bother to update shit. So thanks for reading, and stay tuned to semi-live coverage from the 5^th World Series of Beer Pong.

Pookcast Episode 6 (Christmas)

In what looks like a new Holiday tradition, we filmed a new episode of the Pookcast on Christmas Day. I talk to so many people who can't stand going over to their relative's houses and try to avoid holiday gatherings. I don't understand that one bit, probably because my family is the coolest fucking family in the entire world. Not even the Wilsons (Owen and Luke), Sheens (Charlie, Martin and Emilio Estevez) or the Stillers (Ben and Jerry) are cooler than us, no matter what the movie going public thinks. Truth be told, I'd rather hang out with my family (Kevin included) than any of my friends. That's no slight against my friends at all, but just goes to show that my family rules. On Thanksgiving we filmed one of the most random episodes ever, so I tried to replicate that once again on Christmas. While you can never recreate that same kind of magic, Brian, Stacy, Stefani and I created a brand new beast. This episode once again featured a few not so surprise guests, and I hope you like it. I added a few new effects, so please be sure to leave a comment. And make sure you continue the adventure below with part 2. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season, and check back often for updates from the World Series of Beer Pong (January 1-5 2010) as I will be updating my blog and twitter page (twitter.com/pookondotcom) frequently. Enjoy the Pookcast. Later dudes.

Part 1



Part 2



- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

"I Hope Not!"

I found this on the internet while working on Thursday - Day 6 of Afterglow 2009. There's this picture of Tommy crossing his fingers and saying, "I hope not" (check out track #12) in the Will Ferrell Harry Caray voice. This was of course from a SNL skit Space The Infinite Frontier with Will Ferrell and Jeff Goldblum. It was one of the funniest things to ever come out of SNL, and we spent our entire summer quoting this 5 minute skit. We did other things too, but that was one of the more memorable things from this past summer. Any time someone set us up for it, like my Mom saying, "it looks like it is going to rain tonight" we'd cross our fingers, bobble our heads and reply, "I hope not!" Tommy does it the best, and is the closest thing to hearing Will Ferrell or Harry Caray say those three little words. Have fun with this one.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

I Wanna Be... The 2009 Edition

Back in 2005 (when I first started this blog, geez can't believe that I've had this thing for almost 5 years) I started a "bucket list" of things that I wanted to be. When you were a child the sky was the limit. You always wanted to grow up to be an astronaut, a fireman or a video game programmer. Hell, I wanted to be a Ghostbuster. And somewhere along the way you grow up and forget about those dreams. And then you are 28 years old and work in a cubicle doing data entry for a travel company. But back in 2005 I started a mostly bogus list of things that I wanted to be. Some of them are achievable, and if I had a list like Jason Lee on "My Name is Earl" I probably could cross them off in due time. But some of them are so far-fetched that I'd need a Robin Williams Genie and more than 3 wishes to make them happen. But all of them are incredibly hilarious and completely random. It's one of those ideas that I wish I would have kept going throughout the years, but after a 4 year hiatus I am bringing them back. So now I present to you the 2009 Edition of I Wanna Be... And make sure you check the Archives on the right and go all the way back to 2005 and see the things that I wanted be back then.

A puppeteer in Jim Henson's Workshop so I can stick my hand up some Muppet ass, #1 on iTunes top podcast list and have the Pookcast available for download around the world, in Beverly Hills cause that's where I wanna be, in my upstairs neighbor's nightly bowling league, didgeridoo player #38,697 in Dewey Cox's army of 50,000 didgeridoos, the Beer that made Milwaukee Famous, a higher rank than Andy on the Richter Scale, a patron in the waiting room in the Play Doh Barber Shop, the first person to successfully check out of and leave the Hotel California, Ram-Man in the upcoming He-Man and the Masters of the Universe remake, an F5 tornado, Jelly from the Southside, a regular caller into The Usinger's Baseball Post Game Show who is eternally positive so that I balance out Peanut Butter from the North Side, a 5G network and have a map big enough to cover aliens in space and dwarf Verizon's 3G network and Sprint's 4G network, able to melt in your mouth and not in your hand, the Prom Queen like Carla, the Cow that started the Great Chicago Fire, a bigger science guy than Bill Nye the Science Guy, the person who pushes the planchette on the Ouija (Luigi) Board when we are in Jim and Mary's basement trying to summon the ghost of Chris Farley, an astronaut 'cause we're all astronauts, confident enough with my sexuality to say that it isn't gay to stare at David Bowie's package at the end of Labyrinth, the alley cat who pops out of the garbage can so that kids at Chuck E Cheese's can throw plastic balls at me, beautiful to look at... precious to hold... if you break it... consider it SOLD, Mrs. Claus' lawyer negotiating the movie rights for The Night Santa Went Crazy, be the one that parties like it's Will2K when everyone else is partying like it's 1999, the One and take the Red Pill so I can stay in Wonderland and see how deep the rabbit hole goes, Tres Locos Man's sidekick Taquito, one of Michael Hupy's Associates, the 6th member of Broken Lizard, the Them in Bonnie Rait's "Let's Give Them Something to Talk About", singing Whale Songs with Boyang, where the Wild Things Are, The Biggest Loser, too loud like Stacy and Stefani, too cool for school, the one they call for a good time, On the road again, up on the stage, playin' star again and turn the page, the first person to count to infinity, beloved by everyone in San Diego, a Jukebox Hero, the prize in the Cracker Jack Box, the person who doesn't want to work but instead wants to bang on the drum all day, the Man in the Yellow Hat, the San Francisco Treat, able to come up with more things that I wanna be every few months instead of every few years...

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 5 (Thanksgiving)

I promised my cousins that they could appear in an episode of the Pookcast, and Thanksgiving was the perfect time to get them involved. We were all together at Uncle Rick's house, and after dinner we had a few cocktails, and the rest is history. Go ahead and watch, but if you are offended by swear words or partial nudity, then please don't watch. The last thing that I need is some church group or a cadre of mothers tearing down my door trying to chase me out of town with torches and pitchforks. Save that shit for Frankenstein. So you have been warned. Once you press play there is no turning back, and I promise your life will be forever changed after that moment. It may be good or it may be bad, but it will be changed.

Part 1



Part 2




- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 4 (Beer Pong Edition) - Part 1

I went down to Columbia, South Carolina to visit my Brother James and his fiance Melissa. I had intended to do a Sports Edition of the Pookcast, but James respectfully declined. I had a lot of interesting questions to ask him, but he didn't want to be on camera. Although I don't understand why (because I live my life in the public eye of the internet courtesy of pookon.com, pookon's ill blog, facebook and twitter) but I have to respect his decision. So I film a Sports Edition later sometime featuring the one and only Brian Kurutz. But I did play some beer pong down there at this bar called SCHOONERS, and after coming come drunk decided to film a beer pong edition. So here is a beer pong edition of the Pookcast (because more editions will follow giving daily updates from the World Series of Beer Pong) for your enjoyment.

Part 1

Part 2



- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

New Hunger Strike : Day 1

So I decided to do another hunger strike, but this one will have a limited time frame instead of being open ended like the last one. For those of you who don't remembered, I stopped eating for no reason and made it 4 days before shoving food in my mouth. This time around, I'm only going to do it for today (Tuesday) and tomorrow (Wednesday) before resuming eating on Thursday, which is Thanksgiving. To ask a Kurutz / Reck not to eat on Thanksgiving is like asking babies not to cry and shit themselves. Some things just happen. But this time around I kind of do have a reason for doing it.

I have been pretty sick lately. Not sick enough to think that it is the swine flu or sick enough to go to the doctor, but still pretty sick for me. I only get sick like 2 times a year, and when I got sick about 2 weeks ago I figured that it was the 2nd time in 2009 when I would be feeling ill. I was wrong. I got sick a few days after getting better, only this time I am experiencing tightness and swelling of the throat. This sucks because it hurts to swallow foods and even breathe. It calms down a bit when I take a bunch of ibuprofen, but I'm starting to wonder if I have a food allergy. I've never been allergic to anything, so I'm sure whether you are born with allergies or if you can develop them over time because the body is constantly changing and adapting. So I'm quitting food for a few days and drinking a ton of water in an attempt to clean out my body. Granted it won't do too much because I'll be eating like a starvin' marvin African on Thursday, but at least I'll go a few days and see what happens. I've been taking vitamins and cold medicines (drinking Dayquil like a bum drinks booze out of a paper bag) and will continue to do so in an effort to rid my body of this garbage. I wish I could promise to go easy on Thanksgiving, but if you've ever been to a Kurutz / Reck party (and chances are you have, because those are the only people who read this blog) there's way too much good food to pass up. It's nearly impossible to not try and eat your body weight in snacks and mashed potatoes.

Hopefully I learn something from this, because I learned nothing from my previous Hunger Strike. I looked back at the posts and true, I did have some sort of revelation of the poor and suffering, but once I started cramming food back into my pie hole, I forgot about it. And I still go nuts when it comes to food. Last night I ate spaghetti in bed because I couldn't sleep knowing that there were leftovers in the fridge. Who needs Kaboom baby? I'll clean that shit up. So there's me eating spaghetti at 3:30 in the morning when I should have been sleeping, not getting fatter. Night time is like the worst time to eat because that just sits in your stomach and you don't burn any of it off. Well, I might. I toss and turn in my sleep so violently that I usually wake up without covers. I blame Coach Gordon Bombay for stealing them, but he looks so god damn innocent that I usually give him a free pass regardless if he actually did do it. That cat could get away with murder. He probably already has. I swear I saw dead bodies being dragged around the alley. Maybe that's why he's always trying to sneak out...

But anyway, that's not what I'm here for. We'll see how the Hunger Strike goes this time, but I figure it will be a whole lot easier than last time because I know when this one will end. And it's going to end in grand fashion on Thanksgiving day when I eat more food than any human should, then sit around and feel sick for the rest of the day. There's a reason that they call it a pattern. It's cause it keeps repeating over and over again. Someday maybe I'll break the pattern, but not yet. I got too much eating to do on Thursday.

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Facebook told me to do this

Facebook told me that I was supposed to post this to my website. Since I'm in an abusive relationship with that piece of shit, I do whatever it tells me to or else it will give me another black eye. Seriously. I'm scared of that bitch. She definitely wears the pants in this relationship. I remember once she pushed me down the stairs and blamed it on the dog. I knew that it was her because we don't have a dog. But I just told everyone that she was right. After all, if I say that she isn't right she takes away my credit cards and tells all my friends that I can't go out drinking with them because I am a degenerate piece of shit and I just lost my job, and now she has to support my unemployed ass. Oh yeah, then she tells them about my obsession with Care Bears and that I'm lousy in bed. God damn. Facebook really is a bitch. I'd divorce her ass, but she'd get everything. But since she already has everything, I say screw it. I better just go ahead and post this before she threatens to throw away my Uno cards again. That's the only toy I got to keep when she moved in. And true to the game, she only lets me play in by myself. Since it's the one thing that I have left that is close to sanity, I'll just do what she says. I hate my life.

Scott 'Iceman' Reck is a fan of

Last Cup: On the Road to the World Series of Beer Pong

Create your Fan Badge

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

(from the Lost Archives - February 13, 2007)

Sometimes I get what I like to call "the Hunger" and it festers inside of me until I satisfy it. I first learned about "the Hunger" from my cat Coach Gordon Bombay when he incessantly meows at me for hours at end until I feed him. His normal feeding time is at 10:00 pm every night, but lately he starts getting "the hunger" at about 7:00 pm and won't shut up until I dump a 1/3 cup of Science Diet into his dish. How does that relate to an article titled "It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time" you ask?

(from the current archives - Tuesday November 10, 2009)

Ever seen the dancing banana singing It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time? It's all over the internet, and it has been for years. I've provided the clip from when they referenced it on Family Guy cause that was funnier than the original. It was one of those random moments that made the show pure genius before they ran out of ideas and just started being wrong and gross. Plus it's a dog wearing a banana costume. I know I'm the first person to criticize people for dressing up their animals, but I'm also the the first to laugh because it looks both ridiculous and hilarious. The fat cat wearing a sweater in Anger Management is one of the funniest moments of that flick. But why am I talking about animals wearing clothes? This was supposed to be about Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Watch the clip.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time sounds like a great time to me, mostly because I love me some sandwich gooey goodness. I ate so many PBJ sandwiches as a kid that I had to take a few years off. In fact, I took some time off from sandwiches in general, but I have since had a new found love for deli meats, cheese or spreads between two slices of bread. My Mom knows this, and keeps her fridge healthily stocked with all sorts of sandwich materials. Once I even tried to take a stack of lunch meats and a stack of bread and shuffle them together like Shaggy and Scooby. It sadly didn't work. I believe that is the day that I grew up and realized that cartoons were not reality. I remember it vividly. It was Sunday afternoon in the Fall of '07. I was 25 years old when my world came crashing down around me, and it was that moment that I segued from childhood to adulthood. It was now what I refer to as the saddest day of my life. But I have since rebounded. I have figured out a way to blend childhood and adulthood. All you have to do is act reasonably grown up at work and in social settings, and then you can goof around the rest of the time. I vow to never loose my childish behavior, and unless they figure out a surgical extraction to remove it from me, I will never fully grow up.

But what does that have to do with Peanut Butter Jelly Time and "the Hunger?" I keep getting sidetracked. Both are childish and primal ideas that are pretty ridiculous. When you're overcome by "the Hunger" or when you start dancing around in a banana costume, all rational thought it usually thrown out the window. And when reasoning and the thought process is gone, that's when true child-like playfulness can occur. And that's when I feel most alive and like myself. It's not sitting in my cubicle falling asleep doing paperwork. It's not when I'm paying bills and stressing over paying back my student loans. It's not when I'm cleaning kitchen floors and taking out the garbage. It's when I'm eating sugar at inappropriate times and ruing my appetite. It's when I laugh at words like "insert", "member" and the "Penal System". It's when I quote movies in adult conversation then laugh because no one else gets it. It's when I stop acting my actual age and just kind of make shit up as I go along. Depending on when or where you hang out with me, you might see different sides of my personality. But I do hope that you see more of the goofy childish one than the one that is struggling with being a responsible and grown up adult. Cause no one wants to see that shit. I'm gonna go make a sandwich, drap a giant banana around my body, and dance around the kitchen. I expect you to do the same. IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!

- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 3

I asked Timmy and Kevin to join me for Episode 3. There was no real structure or topic to this one, we basically just BS'd for a couple of minutes. Ok, so we BS'd for more than a couple of minutes. In that time span I learned that I could not BS a BSer, and that Timmy and Kevin are BS proof. Timmy was sitting over there, and Kevin was sitting over there, and I didn't know which way was up! And that is the most proper introduction that I can possibly give to this video. Enjoy Episode 3!

Part 1



Part 2



- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com

Pookcast Episode 2

So I just found out after watching the video as it appears on my blog that only 10 minutes of video was available. The video runs for about 14-15 minutes. My video hosting site only lets me do 10 minute videos, so I'll try to keep them around that length. That's probably not going to happen though, so I'll most likely have to split them up into 2 pieces like I did with this video. So enjoy Episode 2 of the Pookcast. Later dudes!

Part 1



Part 2



- pookon -

www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com