Part 1
Part 2
- pookon -
www.pookon.com
email: pookondotcom@gmail.com
Welcome to Pookon's Ill Blog - home of my inner thoughts, creative outbursts and random thoughts. This site contains such original classics as "It's in My Head", "Pickle the Day" and a multitude of other reoccurring features. I'm often a little too raw, truthful and honest at times so proceed with caution.
So I decided to do another hunger strike, but this one will have a limited time frame instead of being open ended like the last one. For those of you who don't remembered, I stopped eating for no reason and made it 4 days before shoving food in my mouth. This time around, I'm only going to do it for today (Tuesday) and tomorrow (Wednesday) before resuming eating on Thursday, which is Thanksgiving. To ask a Kurutz / Reck not to eat on Thanksgiving is like asking babies not to cry and shit themselves. Some things just happen. But this time around I kind of do have a reason for doing it.(from the Lost Archives - 6/3/09)
So if you don’t already know, I live (for the time being) above the bar Vitucci’s on
We knew that Sabathia was just a rental and that it would be extremely difficult to sign him when he became a free agent. We knew that the Yankees made starting pitching (mainly Sabathia) their #1 target this offseason. We knew that we only had a snowball's chance in hell that he'd take less money to stay with us. We knew that he said the right things about Milwaukee and his time spent here, and I honestly believe that he had a really good time playing for this team, hanging out with his teammates, and seeing this city embrace him as he carried us to the playoffs. We knew that we were a long shot to have the best pitcher on the free agent market, if not the entire league, to toe the rubber for the Brewers come Opening Day 2009. We knew these things when Sabathia came to our team on July 7, 2008. But on December 10, 2008, everything that we already knew finally happened.
So even though he is now one of those dreaded New York Yankees, I’ll never forget what CC Sabathia did for the Brewers. I’m still not going to go out and buy a #52 Sabathia jersey, but I will recognize and thank him for putting the team, this city, and the franchise’s often spoken about 26 year playoff drought on his back and carrying them into right into October. I have no reason to hate him. I will continue to boo Carlos Lee and Francisco Cordero (especially CoCo) because they left to play for inferior teams for the same amount of money. I hate to say it, but CC was just a little too good for us. The only way you can ever afford a megastar player is to lock them up when they are young (like Ryan Braun) or offer them a monster contract (like CC Sabathia). Since we didn't have the money to keep CC, we'll just have the memories of his time here and his contributions to the franchise. During his press conference when he was introduced as a Yankee, he shed a little light on why Milwaukee could not compete with the Yankees for his services. Although his statement hurts, it is nonetheless a true statement. "In Milwaukee, they would have been looking at me to win every single game," Sabathia told reporters in his first public comments since season's end. "Of course, I expect to win, and I know that's going to be here [in New York], too. But I think it would have been even more immense pressure there, because they wouldn't have been able to put the pieces around to actually help me win. I think I can get that here." If we committed $20 million+ per year to CC, we wouldn't have the money to keep Prince Fielder, JJ Hardy or Corey Hart, and it would difficult to sign any free agents at all. That's a lot of money for a team with a payroll of $80-90 million to commit to one player. And if he gets injured, we still pay him that money while he is sitting on the bench. It would've been huge to sign a player like that, but too difficult for the Brewers to pony up that dough for a guy who only plays 1 out of 5 days (and sometimes 3). It would have been franchise suicide for the ownership group led by Mark Attanasio to make that kind of mistake. These guys are business men, and they obviously looked at the short and long term implications of splashing out that kind of money, and they put their best offer out on the table. I commend them for even getting CC Sabathia in the first place, and showing this city that they were going to take the necessary measures to field a competitive team. No one that calls themselves a Brewers fan can be upset that we didn't offer CC more money to stay in Milwaukee. End of story.
So it has been 20 days since my Hunger Strike!, and I feel like it has been in vain because nothing has changed since then. I still eat garbage all the time, drink lots of beer, and eat at inappropriate times of the day. And to make it worse, I never sent the $96 check to my Mom so that it could go to charity. I brought one with me when I was at her house 3 Sunday's ago, but because I was drunk when I wrote it out, it wasn't in proper check format. (I had written the numbers 96 in numerical form instead of spelling them out like ninety six and 00/100 on the second line.) I promised to send another check, but since that day, I have not had enough money in my checking account to clear that check. So even though the money will reach the proper charity eventually, I had intended for it to be done in a more timely fashion so that I felt like I had accomplished something. If I were to have done it 20 days ago, both my body and my bank account would have taken a hit. Instead I'm just some useless loser who can't change himself or the world around him. God I wish that I didn't suck so much. For once in my life I took a chance and decided that I was going to make a change for the better, and all that I could do was stick to it for 96 hours. From the moment I ate something and ending the Hunger Strike, everything that I intended to accomplish ended right there with it. But alas, it still can be considered a success if I ever feel like a guilty piece of shit for not following through on my end of the deal and shape up hardcore. Since I keep suppressing my feelings and emotions (most often with the assistance of alcohol), I doubt that even the strongest guilty feelings will be able to creep up into my head and cause havoc. But who knows, maybe I'll see Jesus or something and have a Revelation and change my life. Christmas is coming up; I may just get a visit from the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. As long as they don't look creepy like in the Muppet Christmas Carol (although that Giant was pretty sweet) I'll be ok with their visit. What's the worst that could happen? At least if I listen to the spirits, then Tiny Tim won't die. That's got to be a good thing, right?
Hour 96 was as long as I could make it without eating, although in retrospect I probably could have gone longer. When I got home from beer pong around 1:30 in the morning, I made myself a nice big salad complete with all the fixings. It really didn't taste that good, but I ate it anyway because I was drunk. See, I decided to drink during the games, and although the beer contained calories and was possibly a violation of the rules of a hunger strike, it may have ended there. But I defined this as a not eating hunger strike, and although I abstained from consuming any calories prior to Friday night, I decided that I was going to drink beer if I was going to play beer pong. After all, there was no reason to keep this thing going any longer because I didn't have a reason to keep it going. So a little after 1:30 am on Friday night, I ended my 4 day Hunger Strike. And when I woke up in the morning, I promptly threw up the salad that I ate the night before. I don't know if it was my stomach reacting to not eating in 4 days or the amount of beer I consumed on an empty stomach. All that I do know is that my Hunger Strike came to a very violent end. I should not have been drinking if I hadn't been eating, and I certainly should have picked something better to eat, like a sandwich or some soup. Something that wasn't as rich in flavor or multitude of different things (lettuce, mixed veggies, cheese, croutons, dressing) in order to let my stomach catch back up to speed. But I didn't, and I dearly paid for the price on Saturday morning, believe me.
Not much has changed in the past 12 hours, although a lot will certainly change within the next 12 hours. I'll explain in a bit. I still don't feel hungry at all, although I do have momentary periods of time where I get hungry because something smells great (like a cup of coffee that someone next to me was drinking) or I see someone eating something (like a chocolate bar). When I'm on my own, I do alright, although last night after dinner I was really tempted to end the strike. I even looked in my cupboards to see what I had available to munch on. There wasn't much in there, and what little was left didn't really look appetizing. I'm just not in the mood for maruchan ramen noodles or instant "just add water!" pancakes. To tell you the truth, I really do feel like eating anything in the near future. Why eat when you aren't hungry? But I might have to start eating soon because this hunger strike is starting to cost me a lot of money. It's already up to $84 and counting by the hour. There I am - being a cheap bastard and only caring about myself. Don't I know that this money is gonna go to a good cause? Some family out there is going to have a pretty sweet Thanksgiving dinner because of me. Or even multiple families. I've never done anything like this before, so I never really knew how rewarding it is to make sacrifices for others. Even though my stomach is empty, my heart is full of warm happy feelings.